Charlotte Brontë
Villette
Chapter I
Bretton
My godmother lived in a handsome house in the clean and ancient town of Bretton
Her husbands family had been residents there for generations and bore indeed
the name of their birthplace Bretton of Bretton whether by coincidence or
because some remote ancestor had been a personage of sufficient importance to
leave his name to his neighbourhood I know not
When I was a girl I went to Bretton about twice a year and well I liked the
visit The house and its inmates specially suited me The large peaceful rooms
the wellarranged furniture the clear wide windows the balcony outside
looking down on a fine antique street where Sundays and holidays seemed always
to abide so quiet was its atmosphere so clean its pavement these things
pleased me well
One child in a household of grown people is usually made very much of and
in a quiet way I was a good deal taken notice of by Mrs Bretton who had been
left a widow with one son before I knew her her husband a physician having
died while she was yet a young and handsome woman
She was not young as I remember her but she was still handsome tall
wellmade and though dark for an Englishwoman yet wearing always the clearness
of health in her brunette cheek and its vivacity in a pair of fine cheerful
black eyes People esteemed it a grievous pity that she had not conferred her
complexion on her son whose eyes were blue though even in boyhood very
piercing and the colour of his long hair such as friends did not venture to
specify except as the sun shone on it when they called it golden He inherited
the lines of his mothers features however also her good teeth her stature
or the promise of her stature for he was not yet fullgrown and what was
better her health without flaw and her spirits of that tone and equality which
are better than a fortune to the possessor
In the autumn of the year I was staying at Bretton my godmother having
come in person to claim me of the kinsfolk with whom was at that time fixed my
permanent residence I believe she then plainly saw events coming whose very
shadow I scarce guessed yet of which the faint suspicion sufficed to impart
unsettled sadness and made me glad to change scene and society
Time always flowed smoothly for me at my godmothers side not with
tumultuous swiftness but blandly like the gliding of a full river through a
plain My visits to her resembled the sojourn of Christian and Hopeful beside a
certain pleasant stream with »green trees on each bank and meadows beautified
with lilies all the year round« The charm of variety there was not nor the
excitement of incident but I liked peace so well and sought stimulus so
little that when the latter came I almost felt it a disturbance and wished
rather it had still held aloof
One day a letter was received of which the contents evidently caused Mrs
Bretton surprise and some concern I thought at first it was from home and
trembled expecting I know not what disastrous communication to me however no
reference was made and the cloud seemed to pass
The next day on my return from a long walk I found as I entered my
bedroom an unexpected change In addition to my own French bed in its shady
recess appeared in a corner a small crib draped with white and in addition to
my mahogany chest of drawers I saw a tiny rosewood chest I stood still gazed
and considered
»Of what are these things the signs and tokens« I asked The answer was
obvious »A second guest is coming Mrs Bretton expects other visitors«
On descending to dinner explanations ensued A little girl I was told
would shortly be my companion the daughter of a friend and distant relation of
the late Dr Brettons This little girl it was added had recently lost her
mother though indeed Mrs Bretton ere long subjoined the loss was not so
great as might at first appear Mrs Home Home it seems was the name had been
a very pretty but a giddy careless woman who had neglected her child and
disappointed and disheartened her husband So far from congenial had the union
proved that separation at last ensued separation by mutual consent not after
any legal process Soon after this event the lady having overexerted herself
at a ball caught cold took a fever and died after a very brief illness Her
husband naturally a man of very sensitive feelings and shocked inexpressibly
by too sudden communication of the news could hardly it seems now be
persuaded but that some overseverity on his part some deficiency in patience
and indulgence had contributed to hasten her end He had brooded over this
idea till his spirits were seriously affected the medical men insisted on
travelling being tried as a remedy and meanwhile Mrs Bretton had offered to
take charge of his little girl »And I hope« added my godmother in conclusion
»the child will not be like her mama as silly and frivolous a little flirt as
ever sensible man was weak enough to marry For« said she »Mr Home is a
sensible man in his way though not very practical he is fond of science, and
lives half his life in a laboratory trying experiments a thing his butterfly
wife could neither comprehend nor endure and indeed« confessed my godmother
»I should not have liked it myself«
In answer to a question of mine she further informed me that her late
husband used to say Mr Home had derived this scientific turn from a maternal
uncle a French savant for he came it seems of mixed French and Scottish
origin and had connections now living in France of whom more than one wrote de
before his name and called himself noble
That same evening at nine oclock a servant was despatched to meet the
coach by which our little visitor was expected Mrs Bretton and I sat alone in
the drawingroom waiting her coming John Graham Bretton being absent on a visit
to one of his schoolfellows who lived in the country My godmother read the
evening paper while she waited I sewed It was a wet night the rain lashed the
panes and the wind sounded angry and restless
»Poor child« said Mrs Bretton from time to time »What weather for her
journey I wish she were safe here«
A little before ten the doorbell announced Warrens return No sooner was
the door opened than I ran down into the hall there lay a trunk and some
bandboxes beside them stood a person like a nurse and at the foot of the
staircase was Warren with a shawled bundle in his arms
»Is that the child« I asked
»Yes miss«
I would have opened the shawl and tried to get a peep at the face but it
was hastily turned from me to Warrens shoulder
»Put me down please« said a small voice when Warren opened the
drawingroom door »and take off this shawl« continued the speaker extracting
with its minute hand the pin and with a sort of fastidious haste doffing the
clumsy wrapping The creature which now appeared made a deft attempt to fold the
shawl but the drapery was much too heavy and large to be sustained or wielded
by those hands and arms »Give it to Harriet please« was then the direction
»and she can put it away« This said it turned and fixed its eyes on Mrs
Bretton
»Come here little dear« said that lady »Come and let me see if you are
cold and damp come and let me warm you at the fire«
The child advanced promptly Relieved of her wrapping she appeared
exceedingly tiny but was a neat completelyfashioned little figure light
slight and straight Seated on my godmothers ample lap she looked a mere
doll her neck delicate as wax her head of silky curls increased I thought
the resemblance
Mrs Bretton talked in little fond phrases as she chafed the childs hands
arms and feet first she was considered with a wistful gaze but soon a smile
answered her Mrs Bretton was not generally a caressing woman even with her
deeplycherished son her manner was rarely sentimental often the reverse but
when this small stranger smiled at her she kissed it asking
»What is my little ones name«
»Missy«
»But besides Missy«
»Polly papa calls her«
»Will Polly be content to live with me«
»Not always but till papa comes home Papa is gone away« She shook her
head expressively
»He will return to Polly or send for her«
»Will he maam Do you know he will«
»I think so«
»But Harriet thinks not at least not for a long while He is ill«
Her eyes filled She drew her hand from Mrs Brettons and made a movement
to leave her lap it was at first resisted but she said
»Please I wish to go I can sit on a stool«
She was allowed to slip down from the knee and taking a footstool she
carried it to a corner where the shade was deep and there seated herself Mrs
Bretton though a commanding and in grave matters even a peremptory woman was
often passive in trifles she allowed the child her way She said to me »Take
no notice at present« But I did take notice I watched Polly rest her small
elbow on her small knee her head on her hand I observed her draw a squareinch
or two of pocket handkerchief from the dollpocket of her dollskirt and then I
heard her weep Other children in grief or pain cry aloud without shame or
restraint but this being wept the tiniest occasional sniff testified to her
emotion Mrs Bretton did not hear it which was quite as well Ere long a
voice issuing from the corner demanded
»May the bell be rung for Harriet«
I rang the nurse was summoned and came
»Harriet I must be put to bed« said her little mistress »You must ask
where my bed is«
Harriet signified that she had already made that inquiry
»Ask if you sleep with me Harriet«
»No missy« said the nurse »You are to share this young ladys room«
designating me
Missy did not leave her seat but I saw her eyes seek me After some
minutes silent scrutiny she emerged from her corner
»I wish you maam good night« said she to Mrs Bretton but she passed me
mute
»Good night Polly« I said
»No need to say good night since we sleep in the same chamber« was the
reply with which she vanished from the drawingroom We heard Harriet propose to
carry her up stairs »No need« was again her answer »No need no need« and
her small step toiled wearily up the staircase
On going to bed an hour afterwards I found her still wide awake She had
arranged her pillows so as to support her little person in a sitting posture
her hands placed one within the other rested quietly on the sheet with an
oldfashioned calm most unchildlike I abstained from speaking to her for some
time but just before extinguishing the light I recommended her to lie down
»By and by« was the answer
»But you will take cold missy«
She took some tiny article of raiment from the chair at her crib side and
with it covered her shoulders I suffered her to do as she pleased Listening
awhile in the darkness I was aware that she still wept wept under restraint
quietly and cautiously
On awaking with daylight a trickling of water caught my ear Behold there
she was risen and mounted on a stool near the washstand with pains and
difficulty inclining the ewer which she could not lift so as to pour its
contents into the basin It was curious to watch her as she washed and dressed
so small busy and noiseless Evidently she was little accustomed to perform
her own toilet and the buttons strings hooks and eyes offered difficulties
which she encountered with a perseverance good to witness She folded her
nightdress she smoothed the drapery of her couch quite neatly withdrawing into
a corner where the sweep of the white curtain concealed her she became still
I half rose and advanced my head to see how she was occupied On her knees
with her forehead bent on her hands I perceived that she was praying
Her nurse tapped at the door She started up
»I am dressed Harriet« said she »I have dressed myself but I do not feel
neat Make me neat«
»Why did you dress yourself missy«
»Hush speak low Harriet for fear of waking the girl« meaning me who now
lay with my eyes shut »I dressed myself to learn against the time you leave
me«
»Do you want me to go«
»When you are cross I have many a time wanted you to go but not now Tie
my sash straight make my hair smooth please«
»Your sash is straight enough What a particular little body you are«
»It must be tied again Please to tie it«
»There then When I am gone you must get that young lady to dress you«
»On no account«
»Why She is a very nice young lady I hope you mean to behave prettily to
her missy and not show your airs«
»She shall dress me on no account«
»Comical little thing«
»You are not passing the comb straight through my hair Harriet the line
will be crooked«
»Ay you are ill to please Does that suit«
»Pretty well Where should I go now that I am dressed«
»I will take you into the breakfastroom«
»Come then«
They proceeded to the door She stopped
»Oh Harriet I wish this was papas house I dont know these people«
»Be a good child missy«
»I am good but I ache here« putting her hand to her heart and moaning
while she reiterated »Papa papa«
I roused myself and started up to check this scene while it was yet within
bounds
»Say good morning to the young lady« dictated Harriet
She said »good morning« and then followed her nurse from the room Harriet
temporarily left that same day to go to her own friends who lived in the
neighbourhood
On descending I found Paulina the child called herself Polly but her full
name was Paulina Mary seated at the breakfast table by Mrs Brettons side a
mug of milk stood before her a morsel of bread filled her hand which lay
passive on the tablecloth she was not eating
»How we shall conciliate this little creature« said Mrs Bretton to me »I
dont know she tastes nothing and by her looks she has not slept«
I expressed my confidence in the effects of time and kindness
»If she were to take a fancy to anybody in the house she would soon settle
but not till then« replied Mrs Bretton
Chapter II
Paulina
Some days elapsed and it appeared she was not likely to take much of a fancy to
anybody in the house She was not exactly naughty or wilful she was far from
disobedient but an object less conducive to comfort to tranquillity even
than she presented it was scarcely possible to have before ones eyes She
moped no grown person could have performed that uncheering business better no
furrowed face of adult exile longing for Europe at Europes antipodes ever
bore more legibly the signs of home sickness than did her infant visage She
seemed growing old and unearthly I Lucy Snowe plead guiltless of that curse
an overheated and discursive imagination but whenever opening a roomdoor I
found her seated in a corner alone her head in her pigmy hand that room seemed
to me not inhabited but haunted
And again when of moonlight nights on waking I beheld her figure white
and conspicuous in its nightdress kneeling upright in bed and praying like
some Catholic or Methodist enthusiast some precocious fanatic or untimely
saint I scarcely know what thoughts I had but they ran risk of being hardly
more rational and healthy than that childs mind must have been
I seldom caught a word of her prayers for they were whispered low
sometimes indeed they were not whispered at all but put up unuttered such
rare sentences as reached my ear still bore the burden »Papa my dear papa«
This I perceived was a oneidead nature betraying that monomaniac tendency I
have ever thought the most unfortunate with which man or woman can be cursed
What might have been the end of this fretting had it continued unchecked
can only be conjectured it received however a sudden turn
One afternoon Mrs Bretton coaxing her from her usual station in a corner
had lifted her into the windowseat and by way of occupying her attention
told her to watch the passengers and count how many ladies should go down the
street in a given time She had sat listlessly hardly looking and not
counting when my eye being fixed on hers I witnessed in its irid and pupil
a startling transfiguration These sudden dangerous natures sensitive as they
are called offer many a curious spectacle to those whom a cooler temperament
has secured from participation in their angular vagaries The fixed and heavy
gaze swum trembled then glittered in fire the small overcast brow cleared
the trivial and dejected features lit up the sad countenance vanished and in
its place appeared a sudden eagerness an intense expectancy
»It is« were her words
Like a bird or a shaft or any other swift thing she was gone from the
room How she got the housedoor open I cannot tell probably it might be ajar
perhaps Warren was in the way and obeyed her behest which would be impetuous
enough I watching calmly from the window saw her in her black frock and
tiny braided apron to pinafores she had an antipathy dart half the length of
the street and as I was on the point of turning and quietly announcing to
Mrs Bretton that the child was run out mad and ought instantly to be pursued
I saw her caught up and rapt at once from my cool observation and from the
wondering stare of the passengers A gentleman had done this good turn and now
covering her with his cloak advanced to restore her to the house whence he had
seen her issue
I concluded he would leave her in a servants charge and withdraw but he
entered having tarried a little while below he came upstairs
His reception immediately explained that he was known to Mrs Bretton She
recognized him she greeted him and yet she was fluttered surprised taken
unawares Her look and manner were even expostulatory and in reply to these
rather than her words he said
»I could not help it madam I found it impossible to leave the country
without seeing with my own eyes how she settled«
»But you will unsettle her«
»I hope not And how is papas little Polly«
This question he addressed to Paulina as he sat down and placed her gently
on the ground before him
»How is Pollys papa« was the reply as she leaned on his knee and gazed
up into his face
It was not a noisy not a wordy scene for that I was thankful but it was a
scene of feeling too brimful and which because the cup did not foam up high or
furiously overflow only oppressed one the more On all occasions of vehement
unrestrained expansion a sense of disdain or ridicule comes to the weary
spectators relief whereas I have ever felt most burdensome that sort of
sensibility which bends of its own will a giant slave under the sway of good
sense
Mr Home was a sternfeatured perhaps I should rather say a hardfeatured
man his forehead was knotty and his cheekbones were marked and prominent The
character of his face was quite Scotch but there was feeling in his eye and
emotion in his now agitated countenance His northern accent in speaking
harmonized with his physiognomy He was at once proudlooking and
homelylooking
He laid his hand on the childs uplifted head She said »Kiss Polly«
He kissed her I wished she would utter some hysterical cry so that I might
get relief and be at ease She made wonderfully little noise she seemed to have
got what she wanted all she wanted and to be in a trance of content Neither
in mien nor features was this creature like her sire and yet she was of his
strain her mind had been filled from his as the cup from the flagon
Indisputably Mr Home owned manly selfcontrol however he might secretly
feel on some matters »Polly« he said looking down on his little girl »go
into the hall you will see papas greatcoat lying on a chair put your hand
into the pockets you will find a pockethandkerchief bring it to me«
She obeyed went and returned deftly and nimbly He was talking to Mrs
Bretton when she came back and she waited with the handkerchief in her hand It
was a picture in its way to see her with her tiny stature and trim neat
shape standing at his knee Seeing that he continued to talk apparently
unconscious of her return she took his hand opened the unresisting fingers
insinuated into them the handkerchief and closed them upon it one by one He
still seemed not to see or feel her but byandby he lifted her to his knee
she nestled against him and though neither looked at or spoke to the other for
an hour following I suppose both were satisfied
During tea the minute things movements and behaviour gave as usual full
occupation to the eye First she directed Warren as he placed the chairs
»Put papas chair here and mine near it between papa and Mrs Bretton I
must hand his tea«
She took her own seat and beckoned with her hand to her father
»Be near me as if we were at home papa«
And again as she intercepted his cup in passing and would stir the sugar
and put in the cream herself »I always did it for you at home papa nobody
could do it as well not even your own self«
Throughout the meal she continued her attentions rather absurd they were
The sugartongs were too wide for one of her hands and she had to use both in
wielding them the weight of the silver creamewer the bread and butter plates
the very cup and saucer tasked her insufficient strength and dexterity but she
would lift this hand that and luckily contrived through it all to break
nothing Candidly speaking I thought her a little busybody but her father
blind like other parents seemed perfectly content to let her wait on him and
even wonderfully soothed by her offices
»She is my comfort« he could not help saying to Mrs Bretton That lady had
her own comfort and nonpareil on a much larger scale and for the moment
absent so she sympathized with his foible
This second comfort came on the stage in the course of the evening I knew
this day had been fixed for his return and was aware that Mrs Bretton had been
expecting him through all its hours We were seated round the fire after tea
when Graham joined our circle I should rather say broke it up for of
course his arrival made a bustle and then as Mr Graham was fasting there
was refreshment to be provided He and Mr Home met as old acquaintance of the
little girl he took no notice for a time
His meal over and numerous questions from his mother answered he turned
from the table to the hearth Opposite where he had placed himself was seated
Mr Home and at his elbow the child When I say child I use an inappropriate
and undescriptive term a term suggesting any picture rather than that of the
demure little person in a mourning frock and white chemisette that might just
have fitted a goodsized doll perched now on a high chair beside a stand
whereon was her toy workbox of white varnished wood and holding in her hands a
shred of a handkerchief which she was professing to hem and at which she bored
perseveringly with a needle that in her fingers seemed almost a skewer
pricking herself ever and anon marking the cambric with a track of minute red
dots occasionally starting when the perverse weapon swerving from her control
inflicted a deeper stab than usual but still silent diligent absorbed
womanly
Graham was at that time a handsome faithlesslooking youth of sixteen I
say faithlesslooking not because he was really of a very perfidious
disposition but because the epithet strikes me as proper to describe the fair
Celtic not Saxon character of his good looks his waved light auburn hair his
supple symmetry his smile frequent and destitute neither of fascination nor of
subtlety in no bad sense A spoiled whimsical boy he was in those days
»Mother« he said after eyeing the little figure before him in silence for
some time and when the temporary absence of Mr Home from the room relieved him
from the halflaughing bashfulness which was all he knew of timidity »Mother
I see a young lady in the present society to whom I have not been introduced«
»Mr Homes little girl I suppose you mean« said his mother
»Indeed maam« replied her son »I consider your expression of the least
ceremonious Miss Home I should certainly have said in venturing to speak of
the gentlewoman to whom I allude«
»Now Graham I will not have that child teazed Dont flatter yourself that
I shall suffer you to make her your butt«
»Miss Home« pursued Graham undeterred by his mothers remonstrance »might
I have the honour to introduce myself since no one else seems willing to render
you and me that service Your slave John Graham Bretton«
She looked at him he rose and bowed quite gravely She deliberately put
down thimble scissors work descended with precaution from her perch and
curtsying with unspeakable seriousness said »How do you do«
»I have the honour to be in fair health only in some measure fatigued with
a hurried journey I hope maam I see you well«
»Torrerably well« was the ambitious reply of the little woman and she
now essayed to regain her former elevation but finding this could not be done
without some climbing and straining a sacrifice of decorum not to be thought
of and being utterly disdainful of aid in the presence of a strange young
gentleman she relinquished the high chair for a low stool towards that low
stool Graham drew in his chair
»I hope maam the present residence my mothers house appears to you a
convenient place of abode«
»Not particererly I want to go home«
»A natural and laudable desire maam but one which notwithstanding I
shall do my best to oppose I reckon on being able to get out of you a little of
that precious commodity called amusement which mama and Mistress Snowe there
fail to yield me«
»I shall have to go with papa soon I shall not stay long at your mothers«
»Yes yes you will stay with me I am sure I have a pony on which you shall
ride and no end of books with pictures to show you«
»Are you going to live here now«
»I am Does that please you Do you like me«
»No«
»Why«
»I think you queer«
»My face maam«
»Your face and all about you You have long red hair«
»Auburn hair if you please mama calls it auburn or golden and so do all
her friends But even with my long red hair« and he waved his mane with a sort
of triumph tawny he himself well knew that it was and he was proud of the
leonine hue »I cannot possibly be queerer than is your ladyship«
»You call me queer«
»Certainly«
After a pause »I think I shall go to bed«
»A little thing like you ought to have been in bed many hours since but you
probably sat up in the expectation of seeing me«
»No indeed«
»You certainly wished to enjoy the pleasure of my society You knew I was
coming home and would wait to have a look at me«
»I sat up for papa and not for you«
»Very good Miss Home I am going to be a favourite preferred before papa
soon I dare say«
She wished Mrs Bretton and myself good night she seemed hesitating whether
Grahams deserts entitled him to the same attention when he caught her up with
one hand and with that one hand held her poised aloft above his head She saw
herself thus lifted up on high in the glass over the fireplace The suddenness
the freedom the disrespect of the action were too much
»For shame Mr Graham« was her indignant cry »put me down« and when
again on her feet »I wonder what you would think of me if I were to treat you
in that way lifting you with my hand« raising that mighty member »as Warren
lifts the little cat«
So saying she departed
Chapter III
The Playmates
Mr Home stayed two days During his visit he could not be prevailed on to go
out he sat all day long by the fireside sometimes silent sometimes receiving
and answering Mrs Brettons chat which was just of the proper sort for a man
in his morbid mood not oversympathetic yet not too uncongenial sensible
and even with a touch of the motherly she was sufficiently his senior to be
permitted this touch
As to Paulina the child was at once happy and mute busy and watchful Her
father frequently lifted her to his knee she would sit there till she felt or
fancied he grew restless then it was
»Papa put me down I shall tire you with my weight«
And the mighty burden slid to the rug and establishing itself on carpet or
stool just at papas feet the white workbox and the scarletspeckled
handkerchief came into play This handkerchief it seems was intended as a
keepsake for papa and must be finished before his departure consequently the
demand on the sempstresss industry she accomplished about a score of stitches
in half an hour was stringent
The evening by restoring Graham to the maternal roof his days were passed
at school brought us an accession of animation a quality not diminished by
the nature of the scenes pretty sure to be enacted between him and Miss Paulina
A distant and haughty demeanour had been the result of the indignity put
upon her the first evening of his arrival her usual answer when he addressed
her was »I cant attend to you I have other things to think about« Being
implored to state what things »Business«
Graham would endeavour to seduce her attention by opening his desk and
displaying its multifarious contents seals bright sticks of wax penknives
with a miscellany of engravings some of them gaily coloured which he had
amassed from time to time Nor was this powerful temptation wholly unavailing
her eyes furtively raised from her work cast many a peep towards the
writingtable rich in scattered pictures An etching of a child playing with a
Blenheim spaniel happened to flutter to the floor
»Pretty little dog« said she delighted
Graham prudently took no notice Ere long stealing from her corner she
approached to examine the treasure more closely The dogs great eyes and long
ears and the childs hat and feathers were irresistible »Nice picture« was
her favourable criticism
»Well you may have it« said Graham
She seemed to hesitate The wish to possess was strong but to accept would
be a compromise of dignity No She put it down and turned away
»You wont have it then Polly«
»I would rather not thank you«
»Shall I tell you what I will do with the picture if you refuse it«
She half turned to listen
»Cut it into strips for lighting the taper«
»No«
»But I shall«
»Please dont«
Graham waxed inexorable on hearing the pleading tone he took the scissors
from his mothers workcasket
»Here goes« said he making a menacing flourish »Right through Fidos
head and splitting little Harrys nose«
»No No NO«
»Then come to me Come quickly or it is done«
She hesitated lingered but complied
»Now will you have it« he asked as she stood before him
»Please«
»But I shall want payment«
»How much«
»A kiss«
»Give the picture first into my hand«
Polly as she said this looked rather faithless in her turn Graham gave
it She absconded a debtor darted to her father and took refuge on his knee
Graham rose in mimic wrath and followed She buried her face in Mr Homes
waistcoat
»Papa papa send him away«
»Ill not be sent away« said Graham
With face still averted she held out her hand to keep him off
»Then I shall kiss the hand« said he but that moment it became a
miniature fist and dealt him payment in a small coin that was not kisses
Graham not failing in his way to be as wily as his little playmate
retreated apparently quite discomfited he flung himself on a sofa and resting
his head against the cushion lay like one in pain Polly finding him silent
presently peeped at him His eyes and face were covered with his hands She
turned on her fathers knee and gazed at her foe anxiously and long Graham
groaned
»Papa what is the matter« she whispered
»You had better ask him Polly«
»Is he hurt« groan second
»He makes a noise as if he were« said Mr Home
»Mother« suggested Graham feebly »I think you had better send for the
doctor Oh my eye« renewed silence broken only by sighs from Graham
»If I were to become blind « suggested this last
His chastiser could not bear the suggestion She was beside him directly
»Let me see your eye I did not mean to touch it only your mouth and I did
not think I hit so very hard«
Silence answered her Her features worked »I am sorry I am sorry«
Then succeeded emotion faltering weeping
»Have done trying that child Graham« said Mrs Bretton
»It is all nonsense my pet« cried Mr Home
And Graham once more snatched her aloft and she again punished him and
while she pulled his lions locks termed him
»The naughtiest rudest worst untruest person that ever was«
On the morning of Mr Homes departure he and his daughter had some
conversation in a windowrecess by themselves I heard part of it
»Could nt I pack my box and go with you papa« she whispered earnestly
He shook his head
»Should I be a trouble to you«
»Yes Polly«
»Because I am little«
»Because you are little and tender It is only great strong people that
should travel But dont look sad my little girl it breaks my heart Papa will
soon come back to his Polly«
»Indeed indeed I am not sad scarcely at all«
»Polly would be sorry to give papa pain would she not«
»Sorrier than sorry«
»Then Polly must be cheerful not cry at parting not fret afterwards She
must look forward to meeting again and try to be happy meanwhile Can she do
this«
»She will try«
»I see she will Farewell then It is time to go«
»Now just now«
»Just now«
She held up quivering lips Her father sobbed but she I remarked did not
Having put her down he shook hands with the rest present and departed
When the streetdoor closed she dropped on her knees at a chair with a cry
»Papa«
It was low and long a sort of »Why hast thou forsaken me« During an
ensuing space of some minutes I perceived she endured agony She went through
in that brief interval of her infant life emotions such as some never feel it
was in her constitution she would have more of such instants if she lived
Nobody spoke Mrs Bretton being a mother shed a tear or two Graham who was
writing lifted up his eyes and gazed at her I Lucy Snowe was calm
The little creature thus left unharassed did for herself what none other
could do contended with an intolerable feeling and ere long in some degree
repressed it That day she would accept solace from none nor the next day she
grew more passive afterwards
On the third evening as she sat on the floor worn and quiet Graham
coming in took her up gently without a word She did not resist she rather
nestled in his arms as if weary When he sat down she laid her head against
him in a few minutes she slept he carried her up stairs to bed I was not
surprised that the next morning the first thing she demanded was »Where is
Mr Graham«
It happened that Graham was not coming to the breakfasttable he had some
exercises to write for that mornings class and had requested his mother to
send a cup of tea into the study Polly volunteered to carry it she must be
busy about something look after somebody The cup was entrusted to her for if
restless she was also careful As the study was opposite the breakfastroom
the doors facing across the passage my eye followed her
»What are you doing« she asked pausing on the threshold
»Writing« said Graham
»Why dont you come to take breakfast with your mama«
»Too busy«
»Do you want any breakfast«
»Of course«
»There then«
And she deposited the cup on the carpet like a jailer putting a prisoners
pitcher of water through his celldoor and retreated Presently she returned
»What will you have besides tea what to eat«
»Anything good Bring me something particularly nice thats a kind little
woman«
She came back to Mrs Bretton
»Please maam send your boy something good«
»You shall choose for him Polly what shall my boy have«
She selected a portion of whatever was best on the table and ere long
came back with a whispered request for some marmalade which was not there
Having got it however for Mrs Bretton refused the pair nothing Graham was
shortly after heard lauding her to the skies promising that when he had a
house of his own she should be his housekeeper and perhaps if she showed any
culinary genius his cook and as she did not return and I went to look after
her I found Graham and her breakfasting têteàtête she standing at his
elbow and sharing his fare excepting the marmalade which she delicately
refused to touch lest I suppose it should appear that she had procured it as
much on her own account as his She constantly evinced these nice perceptions
and delicate instincts
The league of acquaintanceship thus struck up was not hastily dissolved on
the contrary it appeared that time and circumstances served rather to cement
than loosen it Illassimilated as the two were in age sex pursuits etc
they somehow found a great deal to say to each other As to Paulina I observed
that her little character never properly came out except with young Bretton As
she got settled and accustomed to the house she proved tractable enough with
Mrs Bretton but she would sit on a stool at that ladys feet all day long
learning her task or sewing or drawing figures with a pencil on a slate and
never kindling once to originality or showing a single gleam of the
peculiarities of her nature I ceased to watch her under such circumstances she
was not interesting But the moment Grahams knock sounded of an evening a
change occurred she was instantly at the head of the staircase Usually her
welcome was a reprimand or a threat
»You have not wiped your shoes properly on the mat I shall tell your mama«
»Little busybody Are you there«
»Yes and you cant reach me I am higher up than you« peeping between the
rails of the bannister she could not look over them
»Polly«
»My dear boy« such was one of her terms for him adopted in imitation of
his mother
»I am fit to faint with fatigue« declared Graham leaning against the
passagewall in seeming exhaustion »Dr Digby« the headmaster »has quite
knocked me up with overwork Just come down and help me to carry up my books«
»Ah youre cunning«
»Not at all Polly it is a positive fact Im as weak as a rush Come
down«
»Your eyes are quiet like the cats but youll spring«
»Spring Nothing of the kind it is nt in me Come down«
»Perhaps I may if youll promise not to touch not to snatch me up and
not to whirl me round«
»I I couldnt do it« sinking into a chair
»Then put the books down on the first step and go three yards off«
This being done she descended warily and not taking her eyes from the
feeble Graham Of course her approach always galvanized him to new and spasmodic
life the game of romps was sure to be exacted Sometimes she would be angry
sometimes the matter was allowed to pass smoothly and we could hear her say as
she led him upstairs
»Now my dear boy come and take your tea I am sure you must want
something«
It was sufficiently comical to observe her as she sat beside Graham while
he took that meal In his absence she was a still personage but with him the
most officious fidgetty little body possible I often wished she would mind
herself and be tranquil but no herself was forgotten in him he could not be
sufficiently well waited on nor carefully enough looked after he was more than
the Grand Turk in her estimation She would gradually assemble the various
plates before him and when one would suppose all he could possibly desire was
within his reach she would find out something else
»Maam« she would whisper to Mrs Bretton »perhaps your son would like a
little cake sweet cake you know there is some in there« pointing to the
sideboard cupboard Mrs Bretton as a rule disapproved of sweet cake at tea
but still the request was urged »One little piece only for him as he goes
to school girls such as me and Miss Snowe dont need treats but he would
like it«
Graham did like it very well and almost always got it To do him justice
he would have shared his prize with her to whom he owed it but that was never
allowed to insist was to ruffle her for the evening To stand by his knee and
monopolize his talk and notice was the reward she wanted not a share of the
cake
With curious readiness did she adapt herself to such themes as interested
him One would have thought the child had no mind or life of her own but must
necessarily live move and have her being in another now that her father was
taken from her she nestled to Graham and seemed to feel by his feelings to
exist in his existence She learned the names of all his schoolfellows in a
trice she got by heart their characters as given from his lips a single
description of an individual seemed to suffice She never forgot or confused
identities she would talk with him the whole evening about people she had never
seen and appear completely to realize their aspect manners and dispositions
Some she learned to mimic an undermaster who was an aversion of young
Brettons had it seems some peculiarities which she caught up in a moment
from Grahams representation and rehearsed for his amusement this however
Mrs Bretton disapproved and forbade
The pair seldom quarrelled yet once a rupture occurred in which her
feelings received a severe shock
One day Graham on the occasion of his birthday had some friends lads of
his own age to dine with him Paulina took much interest in the coming of
these friends she had frequently heard of them they were amongst those of whom
Graham oftenest spoke After dinner the young gentlemen were left by themselves
in the diningroom where they soon became very merry and made a good deal of
noise Chancing to pass through the hall I found Paulina sitting alone on the
lowest step of the staircase her eyes fixed on the glossy panels of the
diningroom door where the reflection of the halllamp was shining her little
brow knit in anxious meditation
»What are you thinking about Polly«
»Nothing particular only I wish that door was clear glass that I might
see through it The boys seem very cheerful and I want to go to them I want to
be with Graham and watch his friends«
»What hinders you from going«
»I feel afraid but may I try do you think May I knock at the door and
ask to be let in«
I thought perhaps they might not object to have her as a playmate and
therefore encouraged the attempt
She knocked too faintly at first to be heard but on a second essay the
door unclosed Grahams head appeared he looked in high spirits but impatient
»What do you want you little monkey«
»To come to you«
»Do you indeed As if I would be troubled with you Away to mama and
Mistress Snowe and tell them to put you to bed« The auburn head and bright
flushed face vanished the door shut peremptorily She was stunned
»Why does he speak so He never spoke so before« she said in consternation
»What have I done«
»Nothing Polly but Graham is busy with his schoolfriends«
»And he likes them better than me He turns me away now they are here«
I had some thoughts of consoling her and of improving the occasion by
inculcating some of those maxims of philosophy whereof I had ever a tolerable
stock ready for application She stopped me however by putting her fingers in
her ears at the first words I uttered and then lying down on the mat with her
face against the flags nor could either Warren or the cook root her from that
position she was allowed to lie therefore till she chose to rise of her own
accord
Graham forgot his impatience the same evening and would have accosted her
as usual when his friends were gone but she wrenched herself from his hand her
eye quite flashed she would not bid him goodnight she would not look in his
face The next day he treated her with indifference and she grew like a bit of
marble The day after he teazed her to know what was the matter her lips would
not unclose Of course he could not feel real anger on his side the match was
too unequal in every way he tried soothing and coaxing »Why was she angry
What had he done« Byandby tears answered him he petted her and they were
friends But she was one on whom such incidents were not lost I remarked that
never after this rebuff did she seek him or follow him or in any way solicit
his notice I told her once to carry a book or some other article to Graham when
he was shut up in his study
»I shall wait till he comes out« said she proudly »I dont choose to give
him the trouble of rising to open the door«
Young Bretton had a favourite pony on which he often rode out from the
window she always watched his departure and return It was her ambition to be
permitted to have a ride round the courtyard on this pony but far be it from
her to ask such a favour One day she descended to the yard to watch him
dismount as she leaned against the gate the longing wish for the indulgence of
a ride glittered in her eye
»Come Polly will you have a canter« asked Graham half carelessly I
suppose she thought he was too careless
»No thank you« said she turning away with the utmost coolness
»Youd better« pursued he »You will like it I am sure«
»Dont think I should care a fig about it« was the response
»That is not true You told Lucy Snowe you longed to have a ride«
»Lucy Snowe is a tatterbox« I heard her say her imperfect articulation
was the least precocious thing she had about her and with this she walked
into the house Graham coming in soon after observed to his mother
»Mama I believe that creature is a changeling she is a perfect cabinet of
oddities but I should be dull without her she amuses me a great deal more than
you or Lucy Snowe«
»Miss Snowe« said Paulina to me she had now got into the habit of
occasionally chatting with me when we were alone in our room at night »do you
know on what day in the week I like Graham best«
»How can I possibly know anything so strange Is there one day out of the
seven when he is otherwise than on the other six«
»To be sure Cant you see Dont you know I find him the most excellent on
a Sunday then we have him the whole day and he is quiet and in the evening
so kind«
This observation was not altogether groundless going to church etc kept
Graham quiet on the Sunday and the evening he generally dedicated to a serene
though rather indolent sort of enjoyment by the parlour fireside He would take
possession of the couch and then he would call Polly
Graham was a boy not quite as other boys are all his delight did not lie in
action he was capable of some intervals of contemplation he could take a
pleasure too in reading nor was his selection of books wholly indiscriminate
there were glimmerings of characteristic preference and even of instinctive
taste in the choice He rarely it is true remarked on what he read but I have
seen him sit and think of it
Polly being near him kneeling on a little cushion or the carpet a
conversation would begin in murmurs not inaudible though subdued I caught a
snatch of their tenor now and then and in truth some influence better and
finer than that of every day seemed to soothe Graham at such times into no
ungentle mood
»Have you learned any hymns this week Polly«
»I have learned a very pretty one four verses long Shall I say it«
»Speak nicely then dont be in a hurry«
The hymn being rehearsed or rather halfchanted in a little singing voice
Graham would take exceptions at the manner and proceed to give a lesson in
recitation She was quick in learning apt in imitating and besides her
pleasure was to please Graham she proved a ready scholar To the hymn would
succeed some reading perhaps a chapter in the Bible correction was seldom
required here for the child could read any simple narrative chapter very well
and when the subject was such as she could understand and take an interest in
her expression and emphasis were something remarkable Joseph cast into the pit
the calling of Samuel Daniel in the lions den these were favourite
passages of the first especially she seemed perfectly to feel the pathos
»Poor Jacob« she would sometimes say with quivering lips »How he loved
his son Joseph As much« she once added »as much Graham as I love you if
you were to die« and she reopened the book sought the verse and read »I
should refuse to be comforted and go down into the grave to you mourning«
With these words she gathered Graham in her little arms drawing his
longtressed head towards her The action I remember struck me as strangely
rash exciting the feeling one might experience on seeing an animal dangerous by
nature and but halftamed by art too heedlessly fondled Not that I feared
Graham would hurt or very roughly check her but I thought she ran risk of
incurring such a careless impatient repulse as would be worse almost to her
than a blow On the whole however these demonstrations were borne passively
sometimes even a sort of complacent wonder at her earnest partiality would smile
not unkindly in his eyes Once he said
»You like me almost as well as if you were my little sister Polly«
»Oh I do like you« said she »I do like you very much«
I was not long allowed the amusement of this study of character She had
scarcely been at Bretton two months when a letter came from Mr Home
signifying that he was now settled amongst his maternal kinsfolk on the
Continent that as England was become wholly distasteful to him he had no
thoughts of returning thither perhaps for years and that he wished his little
girl to join him immediately
»I wonder how she will take this news« said Mrs Bretton when she had read
the letter I wondered too and I took upon myself to communicate it
Repairing to the drawingroom in which calm and decorated apartment she
was fond of being alone and where she could be implicitly trusted for she
fingered nothing or rather soiled nothing she fingered I found her seated
like a little Odalisque on a couch half shaded by the drooping draperies of
the window near She seemed happy all her appliances for occupation were about
her the white wood workbox a shred or two of muslin an end or two of ribbon
collected for conversion into dollmillinery The doll duly nightcapped and
nightgowned lay in its cradle she was rocking it to sleep with an air of the
most perfect faith in its possession of sentient and somnolent faculties her
eyes at the same time being engaged with a picturebook which lay open on her
lap
»Miss Snowe« said she in a whisper »this is a wonderful book Candace«
the doll christened by Graham for indeed its begrimed complexion gave it
much of an Ethiopian aspect »Candace is asleep now and I may tell you about
it only we must both speak low lest she should waken This book was given me
by Graham it tells about distant countries a long long way from England
which no traveller can reach without sailing thousands of miles over the sea
Wild men live in these countries Miss Snowe who wear clothes different from
ours indeed some of them wear scarcely any clothes for the sake of being
cool you know for they have very hot weather Here is a picture of thousands
gathered in a desolate place a plain spread with sand round a man in black
a good good Englishman a missionary who is preaching to them under a
palmtree« She showed a little coloured cut to that effect »And here are
pictures« she went on »more stranger« grammar was occasionally forgotten
»than that There is the wonderful Great Wall of China here is a Chinese lady
with a foot littler than mine There is a wild horse of Tartary and here most
strange of all is a land of ice and snow without green fields woods or
gardens In this land they found some mammoth bones there are no mammoths now
You dont know what it was but I can tell you because Graham told me A
mighty goblin creature as high as this room and as long as the hall but not
a fierce flesheating thing Graham thinks He believes if I met one in a
forest it would not kill me unless I came quite in its way when it would
trample me down amongst the bushes as I might tread on a grasshopper in a
hayfield without knowing it«
Thus she rambled on
»Polly« I interrupted »should you like to travel«
»Not just yet« was the prudent answer »but perhaps in twenty years when I
am grown a woman as tall as Mrs Bretton I may travel with Graham We intend
going to Switzerland and climbing Mount Blanck and some day we shall sail over
to South America and walk to the top of Kim kim borazo«
»But how would you like to travel now if your papa was with you«
Her reply not given till after a pause evinced one of those unexpected
turns of temper peculiar to her
»Where is the good of talking in that silly way« said she »Why do you
mention papa What is papa to you I was just beginning to be happy and not
think about him so much and there it will be all to do over again«
Her lip trembled I hastened to disclose the fact of a letter having been
received and to mention the directions given that she and Harriet should
immediately rejoin this dear papa »Now Polly are you not glad« I added
She made no answer She dropped her book and ceased to rock her doll she
gazed at me with gravity and earnestness
»Shall you not like to go to papa«
»Of course« she said at last in that trenchant manner she usually employed
in speaking to me and which was quite different from that she used with Mrs
Bretton and different again from the one dedicated to Graham I wished to
ascertain more of what she thought but no she would converse no more
Hastening to Mrs Bretton she questioned her and received the confirmation of
my news The weight and importance of these tidings kept her perfectly serious
the whole day In the evening at the moment Grahams entrance was heard below
I found her at my side She began to arrange a locketribbon about my neck she
displaced and replaced the comb in my hair while thus busied Graham entered
»Tell him byandby« she whispered »tell him I am going«
In the course of teatime I made the desired communication Graham it
chanced was at that time greatly preoccupied about some schoolprize for which
he was competing The news had to be told twice before it took proper hold of
his attention and even then he dwelt on it but momently
»Polly going What a pity Dear little Mousie I shall be sorry to lose her
she must come to us again mama«
And hastily swallowing his tea he took a candle and a small table to
himself and his books and was soon buried in study
»Little Mousie« crept to his side and lay down on the carpet at his feet
her face to the floor mute and motionless she kept that post and position till
bedtime Once I saw Graham wholly unconscious of her proximity push her
with his restless foot She receded an inch or two A minute after one little
hand stole out from beneath her face to which it had been pressed and softly
caressed the heedless foot When summoned by her nurse she rose and departed
very obediently having bid us all a subdued goodnight
I will not say that I dreaded going tobed an hour later yet I certainly
went with an unquiet anticipation that I should find that child in no peaceful
sleep The forewarning of my instinct was but fulfilled when I discovered her
all cold and vigilant perched like a white bird on the outside of the bed I
scarcely knew how to accost her she was not to be managed like another child
She however accosted me As I closed the door and put the light on the
dressingtable she turned to me with these words
»I cannot cannot sleep and in this way I cannot cannot live«
I asked what ailed her
»Dedful mizery« said she with her piteous lisp »Shall I call Mrs
Bretton«
»That is downright silly« was her impatient reply and indeed I well knew
that if she had heard Mrs Brettons foot approach she would have nestled quiet
as a mouse under the bedclothes While lavishing her eccentricities regardlessly
before me for whom she professed scarcely the semblance of affection she
never showed my godmother one glimpse of her inner self for her she was
nothing but a docile somewhat quaint little maiden I examined her her cheek
was crimson her dilated eye was both troubled and glowing and painfully
restless in this state it was obvious she must not be left till morning I
guessed how the case stood
»Would you like to bid Graham goodnight again« I asked »He is not gone to
his room yet«
She at once stretched out her little arms to be lifted Folding a shawl
round her I carried her back to the drawingroom Graham was just coming out
»She cannot sleep without seeing and speaking to you once more« I said
»She does not like the thought of leaving you«
»Ive spoilt her« said he taking her from me with good humour and kissing
her little hot face and burning lips »Polly you care for me more than for
papa now «
»I do care for you but you care nothing for me« was her whisper
She was assured to the contrary again kissed restored to me and I carried
her away but alas not soothed
When I thought she could listen to me I said
»Paulina you should not grieve that Graham does not care for you so much as
you care for him It must be so«
Her lifted and questioning eyes asked why
»Because he is a boy and you are a girl he is sixteen and you are only six
his nature is strong and gay and yours is otherwise«
»But I love him so much he should love me a little«
»He does He is fond of you You are his favourite«
»Am I Grahams favourite«
»Yes more than any little child I know«
The assurance soothed her she smiled in her anguish
»But« I continued »dont fret and dont expect too much of him or else
he will feel you to be troublesome and then it is all over«
»All over« she echoed softly »then Ill be good Ill try to be good Lucy
Snowe«
I put her to bed
»Will he forgive me this one time« she asked as I undressed myself I
assured her that he would that as yet he was by no means alienated that she
had only to be careful for the future
»There is no future« said she »I am going Shall I ever ever see him
again after I leave England«
I returned an encouraging response The candle being extinguished a still
halfhour elapsed I thought her asleep when the little white shape once more
lifted itself in the crib and the small voice asked »Do you like Graham
Miss Snowe«
»Like him Yes a little«
»Only a little Do you like him as I do«
»I think not No Not as you do«
»Do you like him much«
»I told you I liked him a little Where is the use of caring for him so very
much he is full of faults«
»Is he«
»All boys are«
»More than girls«
»Very likely Wise people say it is folly to think anybody perfect and as
to likes and dislikes we should be friendly to all and worship none«
»Are you a wise person«
»I mean to try to be so Go to sleep«
»I cannot go to sleep Have you no pain just here« laying her elfish hand
on her elfish breast »when you think you shall have to leave Graham for your
home is not here«
»Surely Polly« said I »you should not feel so much pain when you are very
soon going to rejoin your father Have you forgotten him Do you no longer wish
to be his little companion«
Dead silence succeeded this question
»Child lie down and sleep« I urged
»My bed is cold« said she »I cant warm it«
I saw the little thing shiver »Come to me« I said wishing yet scarcely
hoping that she would comply for she was a most strange capricious little
creature and especially whimsical with me She came however instantly like a
small ghost gliding over the carpet I took her in She was chill I warmed her
in my arms She trembled nervously I soothed her Thus tranquillized and
cherished she at last slumbered
»A very unique child« thought I as I viewed her sleeping countenance by
the fitful moonlight and cautiously and softly wiped her glittering eyelids and
her wet cheeks with my handkerchief »How will she get through this world or
battle with this life How will she bear the shocks and repulses the
humiliations and desolations which books and my own reason tell me are
prepared for all flesh«
She departed the next day trembling like a leaf when she took leave but
exercising selfcommand
Chapter IV
Miss Marchmont
On quitting Bretton which I did a few weeks after Paulinas departure little
thinking then I was never again to visit it never more to tread its calm old
streets I betook myself home having been absent six months It will be
conjectured that I was of course glad to return to the bosom of my kindred
Well the amiable conjecture does no harm and may therefore be safely left
uncontradicted Far from saying nay indeed I will permit the reader to picture
me for the next eight years as a bark slumbering through halcyon weather in a
harbour still as glass the steersman stretched on the little deck his face up
to heaven his eyes closed buried if you will in a long prayer A great many
women and girls are supposed to pass their lives something in that fashion why
not I with the rest
Picture me then idle basking plump and happy stretched on a cushioned
deck warmed with constant sunshine rocked by breezes indolently soft However
it cannot be concealed that in that case I must somehow have fallen
overboard or that there must have been wreck at last I too well remember a
time a long time of cold of danger of contention To this hour when I have
the nightmare it repeats the rush and saltness of briny waves in my throat
and their icy pressure on my lungs I even know there was a storm and that not
of one hour nor one day For many days and nights neither sun nor stars
appeared we cast with our own hands the tackling out of the ship a heavy
tempest lay on us all hope that we should be saved was taken away In fine the
ship was lost the crew perished
As far as I recollect I complained to no one about these troubles Indeed
to whom could I complain Of Mrs Bretton I had long lost sight Impediments
raised by others had years ago come in the way of our intercourse and cut it
off Besides time had brought changes for her too the handsome property of
which she was left guardian for her son and which had been chiefly invested in
some jointstock undertaking had melted it was said to a fraction of its
original amount Graham I learned from incidental rumours had adopted a
profession both he and his mother were gone from Bretton and were understood
to be now in London Thus there remained no possibility of dependence on
others to myself alone could I look I know not that I was of a self-reliant or
active nature but selfreliance and exertion were forced upon me by
circumstances as they are upon thousands besides and when Miss Marchmont a
maiden lady of our neighbourhood sent for me I obeyed her behest in the hope
that she might assign me some task I could undertake
Miss Marchmont was a woman of fortune and lived in a handsome residence
but she was a rheumatic cripple impotent foot and hand and had been so for
twenty years She always sat upstairs her drawingroom adjoined her bedroom
I had often heard of Miss Marchmont and of her peculiarities she had the
character of being very eccentric but till now had never seen her I found her
a furrowed grayhaired woman grave with solitude stern with long affliction
irritable also and perhaps exacting It seemed that a maid or rather
companion who had waited on her for some years was about to be married and
she hearing of my bereaved lot had sent for me with the idea that I might
supply this persons place She made the proposal to me after tea as she and I
sat alone by her fireside
»It will not be an easy life« said she candidly »for I require a good deal
of attention and you will be much confined yet perhaps contrasted with the
existence you have lately led it may appear tolerable«
I reflected Of course it ought to appear tolerable I argued inwardly but
somehow by some strange fatality it would not To live here in this close
room the watcher of suffering sometimes perhaps the butt of temper through
all that was to come of my youth while all that was gone had passed to say the
least not blissfully my heart sunk one moment then it revived for though I
forced myself to realize evils I think I was too prosaic to idealize and
consequently to exaggerate them
»My doubt is whether I should have strength for the undertaking« I
observed
»That is my own scruple« said she »for you look a wornout creature«
So I did I saw myself in the glass in my mourningdress a faded
holloweyed vision Yet I thought little of the wan spectacle The blight I
believed was chiefly external I still felt life at lifes sources
»What else have you in view anything«
»Nothing clear as yet but I may find something«
»So you imagine perhaps you are right Try your own method then and if it
does not succeed test mine The chance I have offered shall be left open to you
for three months«
This was kind I told her so and expressed my gratitude While I was
speaking a paroxysm of pain came on I ministered to her made the necessary
applications according to her directions and by the time she was relieved a
sort of intimacy was already formed between us I for my part had learned from
the manner in which she bore this attack that she was a firm patient woman
patient under physical pain though sometimes perhaps excitable under long
mental canker and she from the goodwill with which I succoured her
discovered that she could influence my sympathies such as they were She sent
for me the next day for five or six successive days she claimed my company
Closer acquaintance while it developed both faults and eccentricities opened
at the same time a view of a character I could respect Stern and even morose
as she sometimes was I could wait on her and sit beside her with that calm
which always blesses us when we are sensible that our manners presence
contact please and soothe the persons we serve Even when she scolded me
which she did now and then very tartly it was in such a way as did not
humiliate and left no sting it was rather like an irascible mother rating her
daughter than a harsh mistress lecturing a dependent lecture indeed she
could not though she could occasionally storm Moreover a vein of reason ever
ran through her passion she was logical even when fierce Ere long a growing
sense of attachment began to present the thought of staying with her as
companion in quite a new light in another week I had agreed to remain
Two hot close rooms thus became my world and a crippled old woman my
mistress my friend my all Her service was my duty her pain my suffering
her relief my hope her anger my punishment her regard my reward I forgot
that there were fields woods rivers seas an everchanging sky outside the
steamdimmed lattice of this sickchamber I was almost content to forget it
All within me became narrowed to my lot Tame and still by habit disciplined by
destiny I demanded no walks in the fresh air my appetite needed no more than
the tiny messes served for the invalid In addition she gave me the originality
of her character to study the steadiness of her virtues I will add the power
of her passions to admire the truth of her feelings to trust All these things
she had and for these things I clung to her
For these things I would have crawled on with her for twenty years if for
twenty years longer her life of endurance had been protracted But another
decree was written It seemed I must be stimulated into action I must be
goaded driven stung forced to energy My little morsel of human affection
which I prized as if it were a solid pearl must melt in my fingers and slip
thence like a dissolving hailstone My small adopted duty must be snatched from
my easily contented conscience I had wanted to compromise with Fate to escape
occasional great agonies by submitting to a whole life of privation and small
pains Fate would not so be pacified nor would Providence sanction this
shrinking sloth and cowardly indolence
One February night I remember it well there came a voice near Miss
Marchmonts house heard by every inmate but translated perhaps only by one
After a calm winter storms were ushering in the spring I had put Miss
Marchmont to bed I sat at the fireside sewing The wind was wailing at the
windows it had wailed all day but as night deepened it took a new tone an
accent keen piercing almost articulate to the ear a plaint piteous and
disconsolate to the nerves trilled in every gust
»Oh hush hush« I said in my disturbed mind dropping my work and making
a vain effort to stop my ears against that subtle searching cry I had heard
that very voice ere this and compulsory observation had forced on me a theory
as to what it boded Three times in the course of my life events had taught me
that these strange accents in the storm this restless hopeless cry denote a
coming state of the atmosphere unpropitious to life Epidemic diseases I
believed were often heralded by a gasping sobbing tormented longlamenting
east wind Hence I inferred arose the legend of the Banshee I fancied too I
had noticed but was not philosopher enough to know whether there was any
connection between the circumstances that we often at the same time hear of
disturbed volcanic action in distant parts of the world of rivers suddenly
rushing above their banks and of strange high tides flowing furiously in on low
seacoasts »Our globe« I had said to myself »seems at such periods torn and
disordered the feeble amongst us wither in her distempered breath rushing hot
from steaming volcanoes«
I listened and trembled Miss Marchmont slept
About midnight the storm in one half hour fell to a dead calm The fire
which had been burning dead glowed up vividly I felt the air change and
become keen Raising blind and curtain I looked out and saw in the stars the
keen sparkle of a sharp frost
Turning away the object that met my eyes was Miss Marchmont awake lifting
her head from the pillow and regarding me with unusual earnestness
»Is it a fine night« she asked
I replied in the affirmative
»I thought so« she said »for I feel so strong so well Raise me I feel
young tonight« she continued »young lighthearted and happy What if my
complaint be about to take a turn and I am yet destined to enjoy health It
would be a miracle«
»And these are not the days of miracles« I thought to myself and wondered
to hear her talk so She went on directing her conversation to the past and
seeming to recall its incidents scenes and personages with singular vividness
»I love Memory tonight« she said »I prize her as my best friend She is
just now giving me a deep delight she is bringing back to my heart in warm and
beautiful life realities not mere empty ideas but what were once realities
and that I long have thought decayed dissolved mixed in with gravemould I
possess just now the hours the thoughts the hopes of my youth I renew the
love of my life its only love almost its only affection for I am not a
particularly good woman I am not amiable Yet I have had my feelings strong
and concentrated and these feelings had their object which in its single
self was dear to me as to the majority of men and women are all the
unnumbered points on which they dissipate their regard While I loved and while
I was loved what an existence I enjoyed What a glorious year I can recall
how bright it comes back to me What a living spring what a warm glad summer
what soft moonlight silvering the autumn evenings what strength of hope
under the icebound waters and frosthoar fields of that years winter Through
that year my heart lived with Franks heart O my noble Frank my faithful
Frank my good Frank so much better than myself his standard in all things
so much higher This I can now see and say if few women have suffered as I did
in his loss few have enjoyed what I did in his love It was a far better kind
of love than common I had no doubts about it or him it was such a love as
honoured protected and elevated no less than it gladdened her to whom it was
given Let me now ask just at this moment when my mind is so strangely clear
let me reflect why it was taken from me For what crime was I condemned after
twelve months of bliss to undergo thirty years of sorrow«
»I do not know« she continued after a pause »I cannot cannot see the
reason yet at this hour I can say with sincerity what I never tried to say
before Inscrutable God Thy will be done And at this moment I can believe
that death will restore me to Frank I never believed it till now«
»He is dead then« I inquired in a low voice
»My dear girl« she said »one happy Christmas Eve I dressed and decorated
myself expecting my lover very soon to be my husband would come that night to
visit me I sat down to wait Once more I see that moment I see the
snowtwilight stealing through the window over which the curtain was not
dropped for I designed to watch him ride up the white walk I see and feel the
soft firelight warming me playing on my silk dress and fitfully showing me my
own young figure in a glass I see the moon of a calm winter night float full
clear and cold over the inky mass of shrubbery and the silvered turf of my
grounds I wait with some impatience in my pulse but no doubt in my breast
The flames had died in the fire but it was a bright mass yet the moon was
mounting high but she was still visible from the lattice the clock neared ten
he rarely tarried later than this but once or twice he had been delayed so
long
Would he for once fail me No not even for once and now he was coming
and coming fast to atone for lost time Frank you furious rider I said
inwardly listening gladly yet anxiously to his approaching gallop you shall
be rebuked for this I will tell you it is my neck you are putting in peril for
whatever is yours is in a dearer and tenderer sense mine There he was I saw
him but I think tears were in my eyes my sight was so confused I saw the
horse I heard it stamp I saw at least a mass I heard a clamour Was it a
horse or what heavy dragging thing was it crossing strangely dark the lawn
How could I name that thing in the moonlight before me or how could I utter the
feeling which rose in my soul
I could only run out A great animal truly Franks black horse stood
trembling panting snorting before the door a man held it Frank as I
thought
What is the matter I demanded Thomas my own servant answered by saying
sharply Go into the house madam And then calling to another servant who came
hurrying from the kitchen as if summoned by some instinct Ruth take missis
into the house directly But I was kneeling down in the snow beside something
that lay there something that I had seen dragged along the ground something
that sighed that groaned on my breast as I lifted and drew it to me He was
not dead he was not quite unconscious I had him carried in I refused to be
ordered about and thrust from him I was quite collected enough not only to be
my own mistress but the mistress of others They had begun by trying to treat
me like a child as they always do with people struck by Gods hand but I gave
place to none except the surgeon and when he had done what he could I took my
dying Frank to myself He had strength to fold me in his arms he had power to
speak my name he heard me as I prayed over him very softly he felt me as I
tenderly and fondly comforted him
Maria he said I am dying in Paradise He spent his last breath in faithful
words for me When the dawn of Christmas morning broke my Frank was with God
And that« she went on »happened thirty years ago I have suffered since I
doubt if I have made the best use of all my calamities Soft amiable natures
they would have refined to saintliness of strong evil spirits they would have
made demons as for me I have only been a woestruck and selfish woman«
»You have done much good« I said for she was noted for her liberal
almsgiving
»I have not withheld money you mean where it could assuage affliction
What of that It cost me no effort or pang to give But I think from this day I
am about to enter a better frame of mind to prepare myself for reunion with
Frank You see I still think of Frank more than of God and unless it be counted
that in thus loving the creature so much so long and so exclusively I have
not at least blasphemed the Creator small is my chance of salvation What do
you think Lucy of these things Be my chaplain and tell me«
This question I could not answer I had no words It seemed as if she
thought I had answered it
»Very right my child We should acknowledge God merciful but not always
for us comprehensible We should accept our own lot whatever it be and try to
render happy that of others Should we not Well tomorrow I will begin by
trying to make you happy I will endeavour to do something for you Lucy
something that will benefit you when I am dead My head aches now with talking
too much still I am happy Go to bed The clock strikes two How late you sit
up or rather how late I in my selfishness keep you up But go now have no
more anxiety for me I feel I shall rest well«
She composed herself as if to slumber I too retired to my crib in a
closet within her room The night passed in quietness quietly her doom must at
last have come peacefully and painlessly in the morning she was found without
life nearly cold but all calm and undisturbed Her previous excitement of
spirits and change of mood had been the prelude of a fit one stroke sufficed to
sever the thread of an existence so long fretted by affliction
Chapter V
Turning a New Leaf
My mistress being dead and I once more alone I had to look out for a new
place About this time I might be a little a very little shaken in nerves I
grant I was not looking well but on the contrary thin haggard and
holloweyed like a sitterup at night like an overwrought servant or a
placeless person in debt In debt however I was not nor quite poor for
though Miss Marchmont had not had time to benefit me as on that last night
she said she intended yet after the funeral my wages were duly paid by her
second cousin the heir an avariciouslooking man with pinched nose and narrow
temples who indeed I heard long afterwards turned out a thorough miser a
direct contrast to his generous kinswoman and a foil to her memory blessed to
this day by the poor and needy The possessor then of fifteen pounds of
health though worn not broken and of a spirit in similar condition I might
still in comparison with many people be regarded as occupying an enviable
position An embarrassing one it was however at the same time as I felt with
some acuteness on a certain day of which the corresponding one in the next week
was to see my departure from my present abode while with another I was not
provided
In this dilemma I went as a last and sole resource to see and consult an
old servant of our family once my nurse now housekeeper at a grand mansion not
far from Miss Marchmonts I spent some hours with her she comforted but knew
not how to advise me Still all inward darkness I left her about twilight a
walk of two miles lay before me it was a clear frosty night In spite of my
solitude my poverty and my perplexity my heart nourished and nerved with the
vigour of a youth that had not yet counted twentythree summers beat light and
not feebly Not feebly I am sure or I should have trembled in that lonely
walk which lay through still fields and passed neither village nor farmhouse
nor cottage I should have quailed in the absence of moonlight for it was by
the leading of stars only I traced the dim path I should have quailed still
more in the unwonted presence of that which tonight shone in the north a
moving mystery the Aurora Borealis But this solemn stranger influenced me
otherwise than through my fears Some new power it seemed to bring I drew in
energy with the keen low breeze that blew on its path A bold thought was sent
to my mind my mind was made strong to receive it
»Leave this wilderness« it was said to me »and go out hence«
»Where« was the query
I had not very far to look gazing from this country parish in the flat
rich middle of England I mentally saw within reach what I had never yet beheld
with my bodily eyes I saw London
The next day I returned to the hall and asking once more to see the
housekeeper I communicated to her my plan
Mrs Barrett was a grave judicious woman though she knew little more of
the world than myself but grave and judicious as she was she did not charge me
with being out of my senses and indeed I had a staid manner of my own which
ere now had been as good to me as cloak and hood of hodden gray since under its
favour I had been enabled to achieve with impunity and even approbation deeds
that if attempted with an excited and unsettled air would in some minds have
stamped me as a dreamer and zealot
The housekeeper was slowly propounding some difficulties while she prepared
orangerind for marmalade when a child ran past the window and came bounding
into the room It was a pretty child and as it danced laughing up to me for
we were not strangers nor indeed was its mother a young married daughter of
the house a stranger I took it on my knee Different as were our social
positions now this childs mother and I had been schoolfellows when I was a
girl of ten and she a young lady of sixteen and I remembered her
goodlooking but dull in a lower class than mine
I was admiring the boys handsome dark eyes when the mother young Mrs
Leigh entered What a beautiful and kindlooking woman was the goodnatured and
comely but unintellectual girl become Wifehood and maternity had changed her
thus as I have since seen them change others even less promising than she Me
she had forgotten I was changed too though not I fear for the better I made
no attempt to recall myself to her memory why should I She came for her son to
accompany her in a walk and behind her followed a nurse carrying an infant I
only mention the incident because in addressing the nurse Mrs Leigh spoke
French very bad French by the way and with an incorrigibly bad accent again
forcibly reminding me of our schooldays and I found the woman was a
foreigner The little boy chattered volubly in French too When the whole party
were withdrawn Mrs Barrett remarked that her young lady had brought that
foreign nurse home with her two years ago on her return from a Continental
excursion that she was treated almost as well as a governess and had nothing
to do but walk out with the baby and chatter French with Master Charles »and«
added Mrs Barrett »she says there are many Englishwomen in foreign families
as well placed as she«
I stored up this piece of casual information as careful housewives store
seemingly worthless shreds and fragments for which their prescient minds
anticipate a possible use some day Before I left my old friend she gave me the
address of a respectable oldfashioned inn in the city which she said my
uncles used to frequent in former days
In going to London I ran less risk and evinced less enterprise than the
reader may think In fact the distance was only fifty miles My means would
suffice both to take me there to keep me a few days and also to bring me back
if I found no inducement to stay I regarded it as a brief holiday permitted
for once to workweary faculties rather than as an adventure of life and death
There is nothing like taking all you do at a moderate estimate it keeps mind
and body tranquil whereas grandiloquent notions are apt to hurry both into
fever
Fifty miles were then a days journey for I speak of a time gone by my
hair which till a late period withstood the frosts of time lies now at last
white under a white cap like snow beneath snow About nine oclock of a wet
February night I reached London
My reader I know is one who would not thank me for an elaborate
reproduction of poetic first impressions and it is well inasmuch as I had
neither time nor mood to cherish such arriving as I did late on a dark raw
and rainy evening in a Babylon and a wilderness of which the vastness and the
strangeness tried to the utmost any powers of clear thought and steady
selfpossession with which in the absence of more brilliant faculties Nature
might have gifted me
When I left the coach the strange speech of the cabmen and others waiting
round seemed to me odd as a foreign tongue I had never before heard the
English language chopped up in that way However I managed to understand and to
be understood so far as to get myself and trunk safely conveyed to the old inn
whereof I had the address How difficult how oppressive how puzzling seemed my
flight In London for the first time at an inn for the first time tired with
travelling confused with darkness palsied with cold unfurnished with either
experience or advice to tell me how to act and yet to act obliged
Into the hands of Commonsense I confided the matter Commonsense however
was as chilled and bewildered as all my other faculties and it was only under
the spur of an inexorable necessity that she spasmodically executed her trust
Thus urged she paid the porter considering the crisis I did not blame her too
much that she was hugely cheated she asked the waiter for a room she
timorously called for the chambermaid what is far more she bore without being
wholly overcome a highly supercilious style of demeanour from that young lady
when she appeared
I recollect this same chambermaid was a pattern of town prettiness and
smartness So trim her waist her cap her dress I wondered how they had all
been manufactured Her speech had an accent which in its mincing glibness seemed
to rebuke mine as by authority her spruce attire flaunted an easy scorn at my
plain country garb
»Well it cant be helped« I thought »and then the scene is new and the
circumstances I shall gain good«
Maintaining a very quiet manner towards this arrogant little maid and
subsequently observing the same towards the parsoniclooking blackcoated
whiteneckclothed waiter I got civility from them ere long I believe at first
they thought I was a servant but in a little while they changed their minds
and hovered in a doubtful state between patronage and politeness
I kept up well till I had partaken of some refreshment warmed myself by a
fire and was fairly shut into my own room but as I sat down by the bed and
rested my head and arms on the pillow a terrible oppression overcame me All at
once my position rose on me like a ghost Anomalous desolate almost blank of
hope it stood What was I doing here alone in great London What should I do on
the morrow What prospects had I in life What friends had I on earth Whence
did I come Whither should I go What should I do
I wet the pillow my arms and my hair with rushing tears A dark interval
of most bitter thought followed this burst but I did not regret the step taken
nor wish to retract it A strong vague persuasion that it was better to go
forward than backward and that I could go forward that a way however narrow
and difficult would in time open predominated over other feelings its
influence hushed them so far that at last I became sufficiently tranquil to be
able to say my prayers and seek my couch I had just extinguished my candle and
lain down when a deep low mighty tone swung through the night At first I
knew it not but it was uttered twelve times and at the twelfth colossal hum
and trembling knell I said »I lie in the shadow of St Pauls«
Chapter VI
London
The next day was the first of March and when I awoke rose and opened my
curtain I saw the risen sun struggling through fog Above my head above the
housetops coelevate almost with the clouds I saw a solemn orbed mass
darkblue and dim THE DOME While I looked my inner self moved my spirit
shook its alwaysfettered wings half loose I had a sudden feeling as if I who
had never yet truly lived were at last about to taste life in that morning my
soul grew as fast as Jonahs gourd
»I did well to come« I said proceeding to dress with speed and care »I
like the spirit of this great London which I feel around me Who but a coward
would pass his whole life in hamlets and for ever abandon his faculties to the
eating rust of obscurity«
Being dressed I went down not travelworn and exhausted but tidy and
refreshed When the waiter came in with my breakfast I managed to accost him
sedately yet cheerfully we had ten minutes discourse in the course of which
we became usefully known to each other
He was a grayhaired elderly man and it seemed had lived in his present
place twenty years Having ascertained this I was sure he must remember my two
uncles Charles and Wilmot who fifteen years ago were frequent visitors here
I mentioned their names he recalled them perfectly and with respect Having
intimated my connection my position in his eyes was henceforth clear and on a
right footing He said I was like my uncle Charles I suppose he spoke truth
because Mrs Barrett was accustomed to say the same thing A ready and obliging
courtesy now replaced his former uncomfortably doubtful manner henceforth I
need no longer be at a loss for a civil answer to a sensible question
The street on which my little sittingroom window looked was narrow
perfectly quiet and not dirty the few passengers were just such as one sees in
provincial towns here was nothing formidable I felt sure I might venture out
alone
Having breakfasted out I went Elation and pleasure were in my heart to
walk alone in London seemed of itself an adventure Presently I found myself in
Paternosterrow classic ground this I entered a booksellerss shop kept by
one Jones I bought a little book a piece of extravagance I could ill afford
but I thought I would one day give or send it to Mrs Barrett Mr Jones a
driedin man of business stood behind his desk he seemed one of the greatest
and I one of the happiest of beings
Prodigious was the amount of life I lived that morning Finding myself
before St Pauls I went in I mounted to the dome I saw thence London with
its river and its bridges and its churches I saw antique Westminster and the
green Temple Gardens with sun upon them and a glad blue sky of early spring
above and between them and it not too dense a cloud of haze
Descending I went wandering whither chance might lead in a still ecstacy
of freedom and enjoyment and I got I know not how I got into the heart of
city life I saw and felt London at last I got into the Strand I went up
Cornhill I mixed with the life passing along I dared the perils of crossings
To do this and to do it utterly alone gave me perhaps an irrational but a
real pleasure Since those days I have seen the Westend the parks the fine
squares but I love the city far better The city seems so much more in earnest
its business its rush its roar are such serious things sights and sounds
The city is getting its living the Westend but enjoying its pleasure At the
Westend you may be amused but in the city you are deeply excited
Faint at last and hungry it was years since I had felt such healthy
hunger I returned about two oclock to my dark old and quiet inn I dined
on two dishes a plain joint and vegetables both seemed excellent how much
better than the small dainty messes Miss Marchmonts cook used to send up to my
kind dead mistress and me and to the discussion of which we could not bring
half an appetite between us Delightfully tired I lay down on three chairs for
an hour the room did not boast a sofa I slept then I woke and thought for
two hours
My state of mind and all accompanying circumstances were just now such as
most to favour the adoption of a new resolute and daring perhaps desperate
line of action I had nothing to lose Unutterable loathing of a desolate
existence past forbade return If I failed in what I now designed to undertake
who save myself would suffer If I died far away from home I was going to
say but I had no home from England then who would weep
I might suffer I was inured to suffering death itself had not I thought
those terrors for me which it has for the softly reared I had ere this looked
on the thought of death with a quiet eye Prepared then for any consequences
I formed a project
That same evening I obtained from my friend the waiter information
respecting the sailing of vessels for a certain continental port BoueMarine
No time I found was to be lost that very night I must take my berth I might
indeed have waited till the morning before going on board but would not run
the risk of being too late
»Better take your berth at once maam« counselled the waiter I agreed with
him and having discharged my bill and acknowledged my friends services at a
rate which I now know was princely and which in his eyes must have seemed
absurd and indeed while pocketing the cash he smiled a faint smile which
intimated his opinion of the donors savoirfaire he proceeded to call a
coach To the driver he also recommended me giving at the same time an
injunction about taking me I think to the wharf and not leaving me to the
watermen which that functionary promised to observe but failed in keeping his
promise On the contrary he offered me up as an oblation served me as a
dripping roast making me alight in the midst of a throng of watermen
This was an uncomfortable crisis It was a dark night The coachman
instantly drove off as soon as he had got his fare the watermen commenced a
struggle for me and my trunk Their oaths I hear at this moment they shook my
philosophy more than did the night or the isolation or the strangeness of the
scene One laid hands on my trunk I looked on and waited quietly but when
another laid hands on me I spoke up shook off his touch stepped at once into
a boat desired austerely that the trunk should be placed beside me »Just
there« which was instantly done for the owner of the boat I had chosen
became now an ally I was rowed off
Black was the river as a torrent of ink lights glanced on it from the piles
of building round ships rocked on its bosom They rowed me up to several
vessels I read by lanternlight their names painted in great white letters on
a dark ground The Ocean The Phoenix The Consort The Dolphin were passed in
turns but The Vivid was my ship and it seemed she lay further down
Down the sable flood we glided I thought of the Styx and of Charon rowing
some solitary soul to the Land of Shades Amidst the strange scene with a
chilly wind blowing in my face and midnightclouds dropping rain above my head
with two rude rowers for companions whose insane oaths still tortured my ear I
asked myself if I was wretched or terrified I was neither Often in my life
have I been far more so under comparatively safe circumstances »How is this«
said I »Methinks I am animated and alert instead of being depressed and
apprehensive« I could not tell how it was
»THE VIVID« started out white and glaring from the black night at last
»Here you are« said the waterman and instantly demanded six shillings
»You ask too much« I said He drew off from the vessel and swore he would
not embark me till I paid it A young man the steward as I found afterwards
was looking over the ships side he grinned a smile in anticipation of the
coming contest to disappoint him I paid the money Three times that afternoon
I had given crowns where I should have given shillings but I consoled myself
with the reflection »It is the price of experience.«
»Theyve cheated you« said the steward exultantly when I got on board I
answered phlegmatically that »I knew it« and went below
A stout handsome and showy woman was in the ladies cabin I asked to be
shown my berth she looked hard at me muttered something about its being
unusual for passengers to come on board at that hour and seemed disposed to be
less than civil What a face she had so comely so insolent and so selfish
»Now that I am on board I shall certainly stay here« was my answer »I
will trouble you to show me my berth«
She complied but sullenly I took off my bonnet arranged my things and
lay down Some difficulties had been passed through a sort of victory was won
my homeless anchorless unsupported mind had again leisure for a brief repose
till the Vivid arrived in harbour no further action would be required of me
but then Oh I could not look forward Harassed exhausted I lay in a
halftrance
The stewardess talked all night not to me but to the young steward her
son and her very picture He passed in and out of the cabin continually they
disputed they quarrelled they made it up again twenty times in the course of
the night She professed to be writing a letter home she said to her father
she read passages of it aloud heeding me no more than a stock perhaps she
believed me asleep several of these passages appeared to comprise family
secrets and bore special reference to one Charlotte a younger sister who from
the bearing of the epistle seemed to be on the brink of perpetrating a romantic
and imprudent match loud was the protest of this elder lady against the
distasteful union The dutiful son laughed his mothers correspondence to scorn
She defended it and raved at him They were a strange pair She might be
thirtynine or forty and was buxom and blooming as a girl of twenty Hard
loud vain and vulgar her mind and body alike seemed brazen and imperishable I
should think from her childhood she must have lived in public stations and in
her youth might very likely have been a barmaid
Towards morning her discourse ran on a new theme the Watsons a certain
expected familyparty of passengers known to her it appeared and by her much
esteemed on account of the handsome profit realized in their fees She said »it
was as good as a little fortune to her whenever this family crossed«
At dawn all were astir and by sunrise the passengers came on board
Boisterous was the welcome given by the stewardess to the Watsons and great was
the bustle made in their honour They were four in number two males and two
females Besides them there was but one other passenger a young lady whom a
gentlemanly though languidlooking man escorted The two groups offered a
marked contrast The Watsons were doubtless rich people for they had the
confidence of conscious wealth in their bearing the women youthful both of
them and one perfectly handsome as far as physical beauty went were dressed
richly gaily and absurdly out of character for the circumstances Their
bonnets with bright flowers their velvet cloaks and silk dresses seemed better
suited for park or promenade than for a damp packetdeck The men were of low
stature plain fat and vulgar the oldest plainest greasiest broadest I
soon found was the husband the bridegroom I suppose for she was very young
of the beautiful girl Deep was my amazement at this discovery and deeper still
when I perceived that instead of being desperately wretched in such a union
she was gay even to giddiness »Her laughter« I reflected »must be the mere
frenzy of despair« And even while this thought was crossing my mind as I stood
leaning quiet and solitary against the ships side she came tripping up to me
an utter stranger with a camp stool in her hand and smiling a smile of which
the levity puzzled and startled me though it showed a perfect set of perfect
teeth she offered me the accommodation of this piece of furniture I declined
it of course with all the courtesy I could put into my manner she danced off
heedless and lightsome She must have been goodnatured but what had made her
marry that individual who was at least as much like an oilbarrel as a man
The other ladypassenger with the gentlemancompanion was quite a girl
pretty and fair her simple print dress untrimmed strawbonnet and large
shawl gracefully worn formed a costume plain to quakerism yet for her
becoming enough Before the gentleman quitted her I observed him throwing a
glance of scrutiny over all the passengers as if to ascertain in what company
his charge would be left With a most dissatisfied air did his eye turn from the
ladies with the gay flowers he looked at me and then he spoke to his daughter
niece or whatever she was she also glanced in my direction and slightly
curled her short pretty lip It might be myself or it might be my homely
mourninghabit that elicited this mark of contempt more likely both A bell
rang her father I afterwards knew that it was her father kissed her and
returned to land The packet sailed
Foreigners say that it is only English girls who can thus be trusted to
travel alone and deep is their wonder at the daring confidence of English
parents and guardians As for the jeunes Miss by some their intrepidity is
pronounced masculine and incovenant others regard them as the passive victims
of an educational and theological system which wantonly dispenses with proper
surveillance Whether this particular young lady was of the sort that can the
most safely be left unwatched I do not know or rather did not then know but
it soon appeared that the dignity of solitude was not to her taste She paced
the deck once or twice backwards and forwards she looked with a little sour air
of disdain at the flaunting silks and velvets and the bears which thereon
danced attendance and eventually she approached me and spoke
»Are you fond of a seavoyage« was her question
I explained that my fondness for a seavoyage had yet to undergo the test of
experience: I had never made one
»Oh how charming« cried she »I quite envy you the novelty first
impressions you know are so pleasant Now I have made so many I quite forget
the first I am quite blasée about the sea and all that«
I could not help smiling
»Why do you laugh at me« she inquired with a frank testiness that pleased
me better than her other talk
»Because you are so young to be blasée about anything«
»I am seventeen« a little piqued
»You hardly look sixteen Do you like travelling alone«
»Bah I care nothing about it I have crossed the Channel ten times alone
but then I take care never to be long alone I always make friends«
»You will scarcely make many friends this voyage I think« glancing at the
Watsongroup who were now laughing and making a great deal of noise on deck
»Not of those odious men and women« said she »such people should be
steerage passengers Are you going to school«
»No«
»Where are you going«
»I have not the least idea beyond at least the Port of Bouemarine«
She stared then carelessly ran on
»I am going to school Oh the number of foreign schools I have been at in my
life And yet I am quite an ignoramus I know nothing nothing in the world I
assure you except that I play and dance beautifully and French and German of
course I know to speak but I cant read or write them very well Do you know
they wanted me to translate a page of an easy German book into English the other
day and I could nt do it Papa was so mortified he says it looks as if M de
Bassompierre my godpapa who pays all my schoolbills had thrown away all
his money And then in matters of information in history geography
arithmetic and so on I am quite a baby and I write English so badly such
spelling and grammar they tell me Into the bargain I have quite forgotten my
religion they call me a Protestant you know but really I am not sure whether
I am one or not I dont well know the difference between Romanism and
Protestantism However I dont in the least care for that I was a Lutheran
once at Bonn dear Bonn charming Bonn where there were so many handsome
students Every nice girl in our school had an admirer they knew our hours for
walking out and almost always passed us on the promenade Schönes Mädchen we
used to hear them say I was excessively happy at Bonn«
»And where are you now« I inquired
»Oh at chose« said she
Now Miss Ginevra Fanshawe such was this young persons name only
substituted this word chose in temporary oblivion of the real name It was a
habit she had chose came in at every turn in her conversation the convenient
substitute for any missing word in any language she might chance at the time to
be speaking French girls often do the like from them she had caught the
custom Chose however I found in this instance stood for Villette the great
capital of the great kingdom of Labassecour
»Do you like Villette« I asked
»Pretty well The natives you know are intensely stupid and vulgar but
there are some nice English families«
»Are you in a school«
»Yes«
»A good one«
»Oh no horrid but I go out every Sunday and care nothing about the
maîtresses or the professeurs or the élèves and send lessons au diable one
dare nt say that in English you know but it sounds quite right in French
and thus I get on charmingly You are laughing at me again«
»No I am only smiling at my own thoughts«
»What are they« without waiting for an answer »Now do tell me where you
are going«
»Where Fate may lead me My business is to earn a living where I can find
it«
»To earn« in consternation »are you poor then«
»As poor as Job«
After a pause »Bah how unpleasant But I know what it is to be poor they
are poor enough at home papa and mama and all of them Papa is called Captain
Fanshawe he is an officer on halfpay but welldescended and some of our
connections are great enough but my uncle and godpapa De Bassompierre who
lives in France is the only one that helps us he educates us girls I have
five sisters and three brothers Byandby we are to marry rather elderly
gentlemen I suppose with cash papa and mama manage that My sister Augusta is
married now to a man much olderlooking than papa Augusta is very beautiful
not in my style but dark her husband Mr Davies had the yellow fever in
India and he is still the colour of a guinea but then he is rich and Augusta
has her carriage and establishment and we all think she has done perfectly
well Now this is better than earning a living as you say By the way are you
clever«
»No not at all«
»You can play sing speak three or four languages«
»By no means«
»Still I think you are clever« a pause and a yawn »Shall you be
seasick«
»Shall you«
»Oh immensely as soon as ever we get in sight of the sea I begin indeed
to feel it already I shall go below and wont I order about that fat odious
stewardess Heureusement je sais faire aller mon monde« Down she went
It was not long before the other passengers followed her throughout the
afternoon I remained on deck alone When I recall the tranquil and even happy
mood in which I passed those hours and remember at the same time the position
in which I was placed its hazardous some would have said its hopeless
character I feel that as
»Stone walls do not a prison make
Nor iron bars a cage«
so peril loneliness an uncertain future are not oppressive evils so long as
the frame is healthy and the faculties are employed so long especially as
Liberty lends us her wings and Hope guides us by her star
I was not sick till long after we passed Margate and deep was the pleasure
I drank in with the seabreeze divine the delight I drew from the heaving
channelwaves from the seabirds on their ridges from the white sails on their
dark distance from the quiet yet beclouded sky overhanging all In my
reverie methought I saw the continent of Europe like a wide dreamland far
away Sunshine lay on it making the long coast one line of gold tiniest
tracery of clustered town and snowgleaming tower of woods deepmassed of
heights serrated of smooth pasturage and veiny stream embossed the
metalbright prospect For background spread a sky solemn and darkblue and
grand with imperial promise soft with tints of enchantment strode from north
to south a Godbent bow an arch of hope
Cancel the whole of that if you please reader or rather let it stand
and draw thence a moral an alliterative texthand copy
»Daydreams are delusions of the demon«
Becoming excessively sick I faltered down into the cabin
Miss Fanshawes berth chanced to be next mine and I am sorry to say she
tormented me with an unsparing selfishness during the whole time of our mutual
distress Nothing could exceed her impatience and fretfulness The Watsons who
were very sick too and on whom the stewardess attended with shameless
partiality were stoics compared with her Many a time since have I noticed in
persons of Ginevra Fanshawes light careless temperament and fair fragile
style of beauty an entire incapacity to endure they seem to sour in adversity
like smallbeer in thunder the man who takes such a woman for his wife ought
to be prepared to guarantee her an existence all sunshine Indignant at last
with her teazing peevishness I curtly requested her »to hold her tongue« The
rebuff did her good and it was observable that she liked me no worse for it
As dark night drew on the sea roughened larger waves swayed strong against
the vessels side It was strange to reflect that blackness and water were round
us and to feel the ship ploughing straight on her pathless way despite noise
billow and rising gale Articles of furniture began to fall about and it
became needful to lash them to their places the passengers grew sicker than
ever Miss Fanshawe declared with groans that she must die
»Not just yet honey« said the stewardess »Were just in port«
Accordingly in another quarter of an hour a calm fell upon us all and about
midnight the voyage ended
I was sorry yes I was sorry My restingtime was past my difficulties
my stringent difficulties recommenced When I went on deck the cold air and
black scowl of the night seemed to rebuke me for my presumption in being where I
was the lights of the foreign seaport town glimmering round the foreign
harbour met me like unnumbered threatening eyes Friends came on board to
welcome the Watsons a whole family of friends surrounded and bore away Miss
Fanshawe I but I dared not for one moment dwell on a comparison of
positions
Yet where should I go I must go somewhere Necessity dare not be nice As I
gave the stewardess her fee and she seemed surprised at receiving a coin of
more value than from such a quarter her coarse calculations had probably
reckoned on I said
»Be kind enough to direct me to some quiet respectable inn where I can go
for the night«
She not only gave me the required direction but called a commissionaire
and bid him take charge of me and not my trunk for that was gone to the
customhouse
I followed this man along a rudelypaved street lit now by a fitful gleam
of moonlight he brought me to the inn I offered him sixpence which he refused
to take supposing it not enough I changed it for a shilling but this also he
declined speaking rather sharply in a language to me unknown A waiter coming
forward into the lamplit innpassage reminded me in broken English that my
money was foreign money not current here I gave him a sovereign to change
This little matter settled I asked for a bedroom supper I could not take I
was still seasick and unnerved and trembling all over How deeply glad I was
when the door of a very small chamber at length closed on me and my exhaustion
Again I might rest though the cloud of doubt would be as thick tomorrow as
ever the necessity for exertion more urgent the peril of destitution nearer
the conflict for existence more severe
Chapter VII
Villette
I awoke next morning with courage revived and spirits refreshed physical
debility no longer enervated my judgment my mind felt prompt and clear
Just as I finished dressing a tap came to the door I said »Come in«
expecting the chambermaid whereas a rough man walked in and said
»Gif me your keys Meess«
»Why« I asked
»Gif« said he impatiently and as he halfsnatched them from my hand he
added »All right haf your tronc soon«
Fortunately it did turn out all right he was from the customhouse Where
to go to get some breakfast I could not tell but I proceeded not without
hesitation to descend
I now observed what I had not noticed in my extreme weariness last night
viz., that this inn was in fact a large hotel and as I slowly descended the
broad staircase halting on each step for I was in wonderfully little haste to
get down I gazed at the high ceiling above me at the painted walls around at
the wide windows which filled the house with light at the veined marble I trode
for the steps were all of marble though uncarpeted and not very clean and
contrasting all this with the dimensions of the closet assigned to me as a
chamber with the extreme modesty of its appointments I fell into a
philosophizing mood
Much I marvelled at the sagacity evinced by waiters and chambermaids in
proportioning the accommodation to the guest How could innservants and
shipstewardesses everywhere tell at a glance that I for instance was an
individual of no social significance and little burdened by cash They did know
it evidently I saw quite well that they all in a moments calculation
estimated me at about the same fractional value The fact seemed to me curious
and pregnant I would not disguise from myself what it indicated yet managed to
keep up my spirits pretty well under its pressure
Having at last landed in a great hall full of skylight glare I made my way
somehow to what proved to be the coffeeroom It cannot be denied that on
entering this room I trembled somewhat felt uncertain solitary wretched
wished to Heaven I knew whether I was doing right or wrong felt convinced it
was the last but could not help myself Acting in the spirit and with the calm
of a fatalist I sat down at a small table to which a waiter presently brought
me some breakfast and I partook of that meal in a frame of mind not greatly
calculated to favour digestion There were many other people breakfasting at
other tables in the room I should have felt rather more happy if amongst them
all I could have seen any women however there was not one all present were
men But nobody seemed to think I was doing anything strange one or two
gentlemen glanced at me occasionally but none stared obtrusively I suppose if
there was anything eccentric in the business they accounted for it by this word
»Anglaise«
Breakfast over I must again move in what direction »Go to Villette«
said an inward voice prompted doubtless by the recollection of this slight
sentence uttered carelessly and at random by Miss Fanshawe as she bid me
goodbye
»I wish you would come to Madame Becks she has some marmots whom you might
look after she wants an English gouvernante or was wanting one two months
ago«
Who Madame Beck was where she lived I knew not I had asked but the
question passed unheard Miss Fanshawe hurried away by her friends left it
unanswered I presumed Villette to be her residence to Villette I would go
The distance was forty miles I knew I was catching at straws but in the wide
and weltering deep where I found myself I would have caught at cobwebs Having
inquired about the means of travelling to Villette and secured a seat in the
Diligence I departed on the strength of this outline this shadow of a
project Before you pronounce on the rashness of the proceeding reader look
back to the point whence I started consider the desert I had left note how
little I perilled mine was the game where the player cannot lose and may win
Of an artistic temperament I deny that I am yet I must possess something
of the artists faculty of making the most of present pleasure that is to say
when it is of the kind to my taste I enjoyed that day though we travelled
slowly though it was cold though it rained Somewhat bare flat and treeless
was the route along which our journey lay and slimy canals crept like
halftorpid green snakes beside the road and formal pollard willows edged
level fields tilled like kitchengarden beds The sky too was monotonously
gray the atmosphere was stagnant and humid yet amidst all these deadening
influences my fancy budded fresh and my heart basked in sunshine These
feelings however were well kept in check by the secret but ceaseless
consciousness of anxiety lying in wait on enjoyment like a tiger crouched in a
jungle The breathing of that beast of prey was in my ear always his fierce
heart panted close against mine he never stirred in his lair but I felt him I
knew he waited only for sundown to bound ravenous from his ambush
I had hoped we might reach Villette ere night set in and that thus I might
escape the deeper embarrassment which obscurity seems to throw round a first
arrival at an unknown bourne but what with our slow progress and long
stoppages what with a thick fog and small dense rain darkness that might
almost be felt had settled on the city by the time we gained its suburbs
I know we passed through a gate where soldiers were stationed so much I
could see by lamplight then having left behind us the miry Chaussée we
rattled over a pavement of strangely rough and flinty surface At a bureau the
diligence stopped and the passengers alighted My first business was to get my
trunk a small matter enough but important to me Understanding that it was
best not to be importunate or overeager about luggage but to wait and watch
quietly the delivery of other boxes till I saw my own and then promptly claim
and secure it I stood apart my eye fixed on that part of the vehicle in which
I had seen my little portmanteau safely stowed and upon which piles of
additional bags and boxes were now heaped One by one I saw these removed
lowered and seized on I was sure mine ought to be by this time visible it was
not I had tied on the direction card with a piece of green ribbon that I might
know it at a glance not a fringe or fragment of green was perceptible Every
package was removed every tincase and brown paper parcel the oilcloth cover
was lifted I saw with distinct vision that not an umbrella cloak cane
hatbox or bandbox remained
And my portmanteau with my few clothes and little pocketbook enclasping
the remnant of my fifteen pounds where were they
I ask this question now but I could not ask it then I could say nothing
whatever not possessing a phrase of speaking French and it was French and
French only the whole world seemed now gabbling round me What should I do
Approaching the conductor I just laid my hand on his arm pointed to a trunk
then to the diligenceroof and tried to express a question with my eyes He
misunderstood me seized the trunk indicated and was about to hoist it on the
vehicle
»Let that alone will you« said a voice in good English then in
correction »Quest ce que vous faîtes donc Cette malle est à moi«
But I had heard the Fatherland accents they rejoiced my heart I turned
»Sir« said I appealing to the stranger without in my distress noticing
what he was like »I cannot speak French May I entreat you to ask this man what
he has done with my trunk«
Without discriminating for the moment what sort of face it was to which my
eyes were raised and on which they were fixed I felt in its expression
halfsurprise at my appeal and halfdoubt of the wisdom of interference
»Do ask him I would do as much for you« said I
I dont know whether he smiled but he said in a gentlemanly tone that is
to say a tone not hard nor terrifying
»What sort of trunk was yours«
I described it including in my description the green ribbon And forthwith
he took the conductor under hand and I felt through all the storm of French
which followed that he raked him fore and aft Presently he returned to me
»The fellow avers he was overloaded and confesses that he removed your
trunk after you saw it put on and has left it behind at BoueMarine with other
parcels he has promised however to forward it tomorrow the day after
therefore you will find it safe at this bureau«
»Thank you« said I but my heart sank
Meantime what should I do Perhaps this English gentleman saw the failure of
courage in my face he inquired kindly
»Have you any friends in this city«
»No and I dont know where to go«
There was a little pause in the course of which as he turned more fully to
the light of a lamp above him I saw that he was a young distinguished and
handsome man he might be a lord for anything I knew nature had made him good
enough for a prince I thought His face was very pleasant he looked high but
not arrogant manly but not overbearing I was turning away in the deep
consciousness of all absence of claim to look for further help from such a one
as he
»Was all your money in your trunk« he asked stopping me
How thankful was I to be able to answer with truth
»No I have enough in my purse« for I had near twenty francs »to keep me
at a quiet inn till the day after tomorrow but I am quite a stranger in
Villette and dont know the streets and the inns«
»I can give you the address of such an inn as you want« said he »and it is
not far off with my direction you will easily find it«
He tore a leaf from his pocketbook wrote a few words and gave it to me I
did think him kind and as to distrusting him or his advice or his address I
should almost as soon have thought of distrusting the Bible There was goodness
in his countenance and honour in his bright eyes
»Your shortest way will be to follow the boulevard and cross the park« he
continued »but it is too late and too dark for a woman to go through the park
alone I will step with you thus far«
He moved on and I followed him through the darkness and the small soaking
rain The Boulevard was all deserted its path miry the water dripping from its
trees the park was black as midnight In the double gloom of trees and fog I
could not see my guide I could only follow his tread Not the least fear had I
I believe I would have followed that frank tread through continual night to
the worlds end
»Now« said he when the park was traversed »you will go along this broad
street till you come to steps two lamps will show you where they are these
steps you will descend a narrower street lies below following that at the
bottom you will find your inn They speak English there so your difficulties
are now pretty well over Goodnight«
»Goodnight sir« said I »accept my sincerest thanks« And we parted
The remembrance of his countenance which I am sure wore a light not
unbenignant to the friendless the sound in my ear of his voice which spoke a
nature chivalric to the needy and feeble as well as the youthful and fair
were a sort of cordial to me long after He was a true young English gentleman
On I went hurrying fast through a magnificent street and square with the
grandest houses round and amidst them the huge outline of more than one
overbearing pile which might be palace or church I could not tell Just as I
passed a portico two moustachioed men came suddenly from behind the pillars
they were smoking cigars their dress implied pretensions to the rank of
gentlemen but poor things they were very plebeian in soul They spoke with
insolence and fast as I walked they kept pace with me a long way At last I
met a sort of patrol and my dreaded hunters were turned from the pursuit but
they had driven me beyond my reckoning when I could collect my faculties I no
longer knew where I was the staircase I must long since have passed puzzled
out of breath all my pulses throbbing in inevitable agitation I knew not where
to turn It was terrible to think of again encountering those bearded sneering
simpletons yet the ground must be retraced and the steps sought out
I came at last to an old and worn flight and taking it for granted that
this must be the one indicated I descended them The street into which they led
was indeed narrow but it contained no inn On I wandered In a very quiet and
comparatively clean and wellpaved street I saw a light burning over the door
of a rather large house loftier by a storey than those round it This might be
the inn at last I hastened on my knees now trembled under me I was getting
quite exhausted
No inn was this A brassplate embellished the great Portecochère
»Pensionnat de Demoiselles« was the inscription and beneath a name »Madame
Beck«
I started About a hundred thoughts volleyed through my mind in a moment
Yet I planned nothing and considered nothing I had not time Providence said
»Stop here this is your inn« Fate took me in her strong hand mastered my
will directed my actions I rung the doorbell
While I waited I would not reflect I fixedly looked at the streetstones
where the doorlamp shone and counted them and noted their shapes and the
glitter of wet on their angles I rang again They opened at last A bonne in a
smart cap stood before me
»May I see Madame Beck« I inquired
I believe if I had spoken French she would not have admitted me but as I
spoke English she concluded I was a foreign teacher come on business connected
with the Pensionnat and even at that late hour she let me in without a word
of reluctance or a moment of hesitation
The next moment I sat in a cold glittering salon with porcelain stove
unlit and gilded ornaments and polished floor A pendule on the mantelpiece
struck nine oclock
A quarter of an hour passed How fast beat every pulse in my frame How I
turned cold and hot by turns I sat with my eyes fixed on the door a great
white foldingdoor with gilt mouldings I watched to see a leaf move and open
All had been quiet not a mouse had stirred the white doors were closed and
motionless
»You ayre Engliss« said a voice at my elbow I almost bounded so
unexpected was the sound so certain had I been of solitude
No ghost stood beside me nor anything of spectral aspect merely a
motherly dumpy little woman in a large shawl a wrappinggown and a clean
trim nightcap
I said I was English and immediately without further prelude we fell to a
most remarkable conversation Madame Beck for Madame Beck it was she had
entered by a little door behind me and being shod with the shoes of silence I
had heard neither her entrance nor approach Madame Beck had exhausted her
command of insular speech when she said »You ayre Engliss« and she now
proceeded to work away volubly in her own tongue I answered in mine She partly
understood me but as I did not at all understand her though we made together
an awful clamour anything like madames gift of utterance I had not hitherto
heard or imagined we achieved little progress She rang ere long for aid
which arrived in the shape of a maîtresse who had been partly educated in an
Irish convent and was esteemed a perfect adept in the English language A bluff
little personage this maîtresse was Labassecourienne from top to toe and how
she did slaughter the speech of Albion However I told her a plain tale which
she translated I told her how I had left my own country intent on extending my
knowledge and gaining my bread how I was ready to turn my hand to any useful
thing provided it was not wrong or degrading how I would be a childsnurse or
a ladysmaid and would not refuse even housework adapted to my strength
Madame heard this and questioning her countenance I almost thought the tale
won her ear
»Il ny a que les Anglaises pour ces sortes dentreprises« said she
»sontelles donc intrépides ces femmes là«
She asked my name my age she sat and looked at me not pityingly not
with interest never a gleam of sympathy or a shade of compassion crossed her
countenance during the interview I felt she was not one to be led an inch by
her feelings grave and considerate she gazed consulting her judgment and
studying my narrative A bell rang
»Voilà pour la prière du soir« said she and rose Through her interpreter
she desired me to depart now and come back on the morrow but this did not suit
me I could not bear to return to the perils of darkness and the street With
energy yet with a collected and controlled manner I said addressing herself
personally and not the maîtresse
»Be assured madame that by instantly securing my services your interests
will be served and not injured you will find me one who will wish to give in
her labour a full equivalent for her wages and if you hire me it will be
better that I should stay here this night having no acquaintance in Villette
and not possessing the language of the country how can I secure a lodging«
»It is true« said she »but at least you can give a reference«
»None«
She inquired after my luggage I told her when it would arrive She mused
At that moment a mans step was heard in the vestibule hastily proceeding to
the outer door I shall go on with this part of my tale as if I had understood
all that passed for though it was then scarce intelligible to me I heard it
translated afterwards
»Who goes out now« demanded Madame Beck listening to the tread
»M Paul« replied the teacher »He came this evening to give a reading to
the first class«
»The very man I should at this moment most wish to see Call him«
The teacher ran to the salon door M Paul was summoned He entered a
small dark and spare man in spectacles
»Mon cousin« began madame »I want your opinion We know your skill in
physiognomy use it now Read that countenance«
The little man fixed on me his spectacles A resolute compression of the
lips and gathering of the brow seemed to say that he meant to see through me
and that a veil would be no veil for him
»I read it« he pronounced
»Et quen dîtes vous«
»Mais bien des choses« was the oracular answer
»Bad or good«
»Of each kind without doubt« pursued the diviner
»May one trust her word«
»Are you negotiating a matter of importance«
»She wishes me to engage her as bonne or gouvernante tells a tale full of
integrity but gives no reference«
»She is a stranger«
»An Englishwoman as one may see«
»She speaks French«
»Not a word«
»She understands it«
»No«
»One may then speak plainly in her presence«
»Doubtless«
He gazed steadily »Do you need her services«
»I could do with them You know I am disgusted with Madame Svini«
Still he scrutinized The judgment when it at last came was as indefinite
as what had gone before it
»Engage her If good predominates in that nature the action will bring its
own reward if evil eh bien ma cousine ce sera toujours une bonne oeuvre«
And with a bow and a »bon soir« this vague arbiter of my destiny vanished And
madame did engage me that very night by Gods blessing I was spared the
necessity of passing forth again into the lonesome dreary hostile street
Chapter VIII
Madame Beck
Being delivered into the charge of the maîtresse I was led through a long
narrow passage into a foreign kitchen very clean but very strange It seemed to
contain no means of cooking neither fireplace nor oven I did not understand
that the great black furnace which filled one corner was an efficient
substitute for these Surely pride was not already beginning its whispers in my
heart yet I felt a sense of relief when instead of being left in the kitchen
as I halfanticipated I was led forward to a small inner room termed a
»cabinet« A cook in a jacket a short petticoat and sabots brought my supper
to wit some meat nature unknown served in an odd and acid but pleasant
sauce some chopped potatoes made savoury with I know not what vinegar and
sugar I think a tartine or slice of bread and butter and a baked pear Being
hungry I ate and was grateful
After the Prière du Soir madame herself came to have another look at me
She desired me to follow her upstairs Through a series of the queerest little
dormitories which I heard afterwards had once been nuns cells for the
premises were in part of ancient date and through the oratory a long low
gloomy room where a crucifix hung pale against the wall and two tapers kept
dim vigils she conducted me to an apartment where three children were asleep
in three tiny beds A heated stove made the air of this room oppressive and to
mend matters it was scented with an odour rather strong than delicate a
perfume indeed altogether surprising and unexpected under the circumstances
being like the combination of smoke with some spirituous essence a smell in
short of whiskey
Beside a table on which flared the remnant of a candle guttering to waste
in the socket a coarse woman heterogeneously clad in a broadstriped showy
silk dress and a stuff apron sat in a chair fast asleep To complete the
picture and leave no doubt as to the state of matters a bottle and an empty
glass stood at the sleeping beautys elbow
Madame contemplated this remarkable tableau with great calm she neither
smiled nor scowled no impress of anger disgust or surprise ruffled the
equality of her grave aspect she did not even wake the woman Serenely pointing
to a fourth bed she intimated that it was to be mine then having extinguished
the candle and substituted for it a nightlamp she glided through an inner
door which she left ajar the entrance to her own chamber a large well
apartment as was discernible through the aperture
My devotions that night were all thanksgiving strangely had I been led
since morning unexpectedly had I been provided for Scarcely could I believe
that not fortyeight hours had elapsed since I left London under no other
guardianship than that which protects the passengerbird with no prospect but
the dubious cloudtracery of hope
I was a light sleeper in the dead of night I suddenly awoke All was
hushed but a white figure stood in the room Madame in her nightdress Moving
without perceptible sound she visited the three children in the three beds she
approached me I feigned sleep and she studied me long A small pantomime
ensued curious enough I dare say she sat a quarter of an hour on the edge of
my bed gazing at my face She then drew nearer bent close over me slightly
raised my cap and turned back the border so as to expose my hair she looked at
my hand lying on the bedclothes This done she turned to the chair where my
clothes lay it was at the foot of the bed Hearing her touch and lift them I
opened my eyes with precaution for I own I felt curious to see how far her
taste for research would lead her It led her a good way every article did she
inspect I divined her motive for this proceeding viz., the wish to form from
the garments a judgment respecting the wearer her station means neatness
etc The end was not bad but the means were hardly fair or justifiable In my
dress was a pocket she fairly turned it inside out she counted the money in my
purse she opened a little memorandumbook coolly perused its contents and
took from between the leaves a small plaited lock of Miss Marchmonts grey hair
To a bunch of three keys being those of my trunk desk and workbox she
accorded special attention with these indeed she withdrew a moment to her own
room I softly rose in my bed and followed her with my eye these keys reader
were not brought back till they had left on the toilet of the adjoining room the
impress of their wards in wax All being thus done decently and in order my
property was returned to its place my clothes were carefully refolded Of what
nature were the conclusions deduced from this scrutiny Were they favourable or
otherwise Vain question Madames face of stone for of stone in its present
nightaspect it looked it had been human and as I said before motherly in
the salon betrayed no response
Her duty done I felt that in her eyes this business was a duty she rose
noiseless as a shadow she moved towards her own chamber at the door she
turned fixing her eye on the heroine of the bottle who still slept and loudly
snored Mrs Svini I presume this was Mrs Svini Anglicé or Hibernice Sweeny
Mrs Sweenys doom was in Madame Becks eye an immutable purpose that eye
spoke madames visitations for shortcomings might be slow but they were sure
All this was very unEnglish truly I was in a foreign land
The morrow made me further acquainted with Mrs Sweeny It seems she had
introduced herself to her present employer as an English lady in reduced
circumstances a native indeed of Middlesex professing to speak the English
tongue with the purest metropolitan accent Madame reliant on her own
infallible expedients for finding out the truth in time had a singular
intrepidity in hiring service offhand as indeed seemed abundantly proved in my
own case She received Mrs Sweeny as nurserygoverness to her three children
I need hardly explain to the reader that this lady was in effect a native of
Ireland her station I do not pretend to fix she boldly declared that she had
»had the bringingup of the son and daughter of a marquis« I think myself she
might possibly have been hangeron nurse fosterer or washerwoman in some
Irish family she spoke a smothered brogue curiously overlaid with mincing
cockney inflections By some means or other she had acquired and now held in
possession a wardrobe of rather suspicious splendour gowns of stiff and
costly silk fitting her indifferently and apparently made for other proportions
than those they now adorned caps with real lace borders and the chief item
in the inventory the spell by which she struck a certain awe through the
household quelling the otherwise scornfully disposed teachers and servants
and so long as her broad shoulders wore the folds of that majestic drapery
even influencing madame herself a real Indian shawl »un véritable Cachmire«
as Madame Beck said with mixed reverence and amaze I feel quite sure that
without this Cachmire she would not have kept her footing in the pensionnat for
two days by virtue of it and it only she maintained the same a month
But when Mrs Sweeny knew that I was come to fill her shoes then it was
that she declared herself then did she rise on Madame Beck in her full power
then come down on me with her concentrated weight Madame bore this revelation
and visitation so well so stoically that I for very shame could not support it
otherwise than with composure For one little moment Madame Beck absented
herself from the room ten minutes after an agent of the police stood in the
midst of us Mrs Sweeny and her effects were removed Madames brow had not
been ruffled during the scene her lips had not dropped one sharply accented
word
This brisk little affair of the dismissal was all settled before breakfast
order to march given policeman called mutineer expelled chambre denfans
fumigated and cleansed windows thrown open and every trace of the accomplished
Mrs Sweeny even to the fine essence and spiritual fragrance which gave token
so subtle and so fatal of the head and front of her offending was annihilated
from the Rue Fossette all this I say was done between the moment of Madame
Becks issuing like Aurora from her chamber and that in which she coolly sat
down to pour out her first cup of coffee
About noon I was summoned to dress madame It appeared my place was to be
a hybrid between gouvernante and ladysmaid Till noon she haunted the house
in her wrappinggown shawl and soundless slippers How would the ladychief of
an English school approve this custom
The dressing of her hair puzzled me she had plenty of it auburn unmixed
with grey though she was forty years old Seeing my embarrassment she said
»You have not been a femme de chambre in your own country« And taking the brush
from my hand and setting me aside not ungently or disrespectfully she arranged
it herself In performing other offices of the toilet she halfdirected
halfaided me without the least display of temper or impatience NB that was
the first and last time I was required to dress her Henceforth on Rosine the
portress devolved that duty
When attired Madame Beck appeared a personage of a figure rather short and
stout yet still graceful in its own peculiar way that is with the grace
resulting from proportion of parts. Her complexion was fresh and sanguine not
too rubicund her eye blue and serene her dark silk dress fitted her as a
French sempstress alone can make a dress fit she looked well though a little
bourgeoise as bourgeoise indeed she was I know not what of harmony pervaded
her whole person and yet her face offered contrast too its features were by
no means such as are usually seen in conjunction with a complexion of such
blended freshness and repose their outline was stern her forehead was high but
narrow it expressed capacity and some benevolence but no expanse nor did her
peaceful yet watchful eye ever know the fire which is kindled in the heart or
the softness which flows thence Her mouth was hard it could be a little grim
her lips were thin For sensibility and genius with all their tenderness and
temerity I felt somehow that madame would be the right sort of Minos in
petticoats
In the long run I found that she was something else in petticoats too Her
name was Modeste Maria Beck née Kint it ought to have been Ignacia She was a
charitable woman and did a great deal of good There never was a mistress whose
rule was milder I was told that she never once remonstrated with the
intolerable Mrs Sweeny despite her tipsiness disorder and general neglect
yet Mrs Sweeny had to go the moment her departure became convenient I was
told too that neither masters nor teachers were found fault with in that
establishment yet both masters and teachers were often changed they vanished
and others filled their places none could well explain how
The establishment was both a pensionnat and an externat the externes or
daypupils exceeded one hundred in number the boarders were about a score
Madame must have possessed high administrative powers she ruled all these
together with four teachers eight masters six servants and three children
managing at the same time to perfection the pupils parents and friends and
that without apparent effort without bustle fatigue fever or any symptom of
undue excitement occupied she always was busy rarely It is true that madame
had her own system for managing and regulating this mass of machinery and a
very pretty system it was the reader has seen a specimen of it in that small
affair of turning my pocket inside out and reading my private memoranda
Surveillance espionage these were her watch
Still madame knew what honesty was and liked it that is when it did not
obtrude its clumsy scruples in the way of her will and interest She had a
respect for Angleterre and as to les Anglaises she would have the women of no
other country about her own children if she could help it
Often in the evening after she had been plotting and counterplotting
spying and receiving the reports of spies all day she would come up to my room
a trace of real weariness on her brow and she would sit down and listen
while the children said their little prayers to me in English the Lords
Prayer and the hymn beginning »Gentle Jesus« these little Catholics were
permitted to repeat at my knee and when I had put them to bed she would talk
to me I soon gained enough French to be able to understand and even answer
her about England and Englishwomen and the reasons for what she was pleased to
term their superior intelligence and more real and reliable probity Very good
sense she often showed very sound opinions she often broached she seemed to
know that keeping girls in distrustful restraint in blind ignorance and under
a surveillance that left them no moment and no corner for retirement was not
the best way to make them grow up honest and modest women but she averred that
ruinous consequences would ensue if any other method were tried with continental
children they were so accustomed to constraint that relaxation however
guarded would be misunderstood and fatally presumed on she was sick she would
declare of the means she had to use but use them she must and after
discoursing often with dignity and delicacy to me she would move away on her
»souliers de silence« and glide ghostlike through the house watching and
spying everywhere peering through every keyhole listening behind every door
After all madames system was not bad let me do her justice Nothing
could be better than all her arrangements for the physical wellbeing of her
scholars No minds were overtasked the lessons were well distributed and made
incomparably easy to the learner there was a liberty of amusement and a
provision for exercise which kept the girls healthy the food was abundant and
good neither pale nor puny faces were anywhere to be seen in the Rue Fossette
She never grudged a holiday she allowed plenty of time for sleeping dressing
washing eating her method in all these matters was easy liberal salutary
and rational many an austere English schoolmistress would do vastly well to
imitate it and I believe many would be glad to do so if exacting English
parents would let them
As Madame Beck ruled by espionage she of course had her staff of spies she
perfectly knew the quality of the tools she used and while she would not
scruple to handle the dirtiest for a dirty occasion flinging this sort from
her like refuse rind after the orange has been duly squeezed I have known her
fastidious in seeking pure metal for clean uses and when once a bloodless and
rustless instrument was found she was careful of the prize keeping it in silk
and cottonwool Yet woe be to that man or woman who relied on her one inch
beyond the point where it was her interest to be trustworthy interest was the
masterkey of madames nature the mainspring of her motives the alpha and
omega of her life I have seen her feelings appealed to and I have smiled in
halfpity halfscorn at the appellants None ever gained her ear through that
channel or swayed her purpose by that means On the contrary to attempt to
touch her heart was the surest way to rouse her antipathy and to make of her a
secret foe It proved to her that she had no heart to be touched it reminded
her where she was impotent and dead Never was the distinction between charity
and mercy better exemplified than in her While devoid of sympathy she had a
sufficiency of rational benevolence she would give in the readiest manner to
people she had never seen rather however to classes than to individuals
»Pour les pauvres« she opened her purse freely against the poor man as a
rule she kept it closed In philanthropic schemes for the benefit of society
at large she took a cheerful part no private sorrow touched her no force or
mass of suffering concentrated in one heart had power to pierce hers Not the
agony in Gethsemane not the death on Calvary could have wrung from her eyes
one tear
I say again madame was a very great and a very capable woman That school
offered for her powers too limited a sphere she ought to have swayed a nation
she should have been the leader of a turbulent legislative assembly Nobody
could have browbeaten her none irritated her nerves exhausted her patience
or overreached her astuteness In her own single person she could have
comprised the duties of a first minister and a superintendent of police Wise
firm faithless secret crafty passionless watchful and inscrutable acute
and insensate withal perfectly decorous what more could be desired
The sensible reader will not suppose that I gained all the knowledge here
condensed for his benefit in one month or in one halfyear No what I saw at
first was the thriving outside of a large and flourishing educational
establishment Here was a great house full of healthy lively girls all
welldressed and many of them handsome gaining knowledge by a marvellously easy
method without painful exertion or useless waste of spirits not perhaps
making very rapid progress in anything taking it easy but still always
employed and never oppressed Here was a corps of teachers and masters more
stringently tasked as all the real headlabour was to be done by them in order
to save the pupils yet having their duties so arranged that they relieved each
other in quick succession whenever the work was severe here in short was a
foreign school of which the life movement and variety made it a complete and
most charming contrast to many English institutions of the same kind
Behind the house was a large garden and in summer the pupils almost lived
out of doors amongst the rosebushes and the fruittrees Under the vast and
vinedraped berceau madame would take her seat on summer afternoons and send
for the classes in turns to sit round her and sew and read Meantime masters
came and went delivering short and lively lectures rather than lessons and
the pupils made notes of their instructions or did not make them just as
inclination prompted secure that in case of neglect they could copy the notes
of their companions Besides the regular monthly jours de sortie the Catholic
fêtedays brought a succession of holidays all the year round and sometimes on
a bright summer morning or soft summer evening the boarders were taken out for
a long walk into the country regaled with gaufres and vin blanc or new milk
and pain bis or pistolets au beurre rolls and coffee All this seemed very
pleasant and madame appeared goodness itself; and the teachers not so bad but
they might be worse and the pupils perhaps a little noisy and rough but
types of health and glee
Thus did the view appear seen through the enchantment of distance but
there came a time when distance was to melt for me when I was to be called down
from my watchtower of the nursery whence I had hitherto made my observations
and was to be compelled into closer intercourse with this little world of the
Rue Fossette
I was one day sitting upstairs as usual hearing the children their English
lessons and at the same time turning a silk dress for madame when she came
sauntering into the room with that absorbed air and brow of hard thought she
sometimes wore and which made her look so little genial Dropping into a seat
opposite mine she remained some minutes silent Désirée the eldest girl was
reading to me some little essay of Mrs Barbaulds and I was making her
translate currently from English to French as she proceeded by way of
ascertaining that she comprehended what she read madame listened
Presently without preface or prelude she said almost in the tone of one
making an accusation »Meess in England you were a governess«
»No madame« said I smiling »you are mistaken«
»Is this your first essay at teaching this attempt with my children«
I assured her it was Again she became silent but looking up as I took a
pin from the cushion I found myself an object of study she held me under her
eye she seemed turning me round in her thoughts measuring my fitness for a
purpose weighing my value in a plan Madame had ere this scrutinized all I
had and I believe she esteemed herself cognizant of much that I was but from
that day for the space of about a fortnight she tried me by new tests She
listened at the nursery door when I was shut in with the children she followed
me at a cautious distance when I walked out with them stealing within earshot
whenever the trees of park or boulevard afforded a sufficient screen a strict
preliminary process having thus been observed she made a move forward
One morning coming on me abruptly and with the semblance of hurry she
said she found herself placed in a little dilemma Mr Wilson the English
master had failed to come at his hour she feared he was ill the pupils were
waiting in classe there was no one to give a lesson should I for once object
to giving a short dictation exercise just that the pupils might not have it to
say they had missed their English lesson
»In classe madam« I asked
»Yes in classe in the second division«
»Where there are sixty pupils« said I for I knew the number and with my
usual base habit of cowardice I shrunk into my sloth like a snail into its
shell and alleged incapacity and impracticability as a pretext to escape
action If left to myself I should infallibly have let this chance slip
Inadventurous unstirred by impulses of practical ambition I was capable of
sitting twenty years teaching infants the hornbook turning silk dresses and
making childrens frocks Not that true contentment dignified this infatuated
resignation my work had neither charm for my taste nor hold on my interest
but it seemed to me a great thing to be without heavy anxiety and relieved from
intimate trial the negation of severe suffering was the nearest approach to
happiness I expected to know Besides I seemed to hold two lives the life of
thought and that of reality; and, provided the former was nourished with a
sufficiency of the strange necromantic joys of fancy the privileges of the
latter might remain limited to daily bread hourly work and a roof of shelter
»Come« said madame as I stooped more busily than ever over the cutting out
of a childs pinafore »leave that work«
»But Fifine wants it madame«
»Fifine must want it then for I want you«
And as Madame Beck did really want and was resolved to have me as she had
long been dissatisfied with the English master with his shortcomings in
punctuality and his careless method of tuition as too she did not lack
resolution and practical activity whether I lacked them or not she without
more ado made me relinquish thimble and needle my hand was taken into hers
and I was conducted down stairs When we reached the carré a large square hall
between the dwellinghouse and the pensionnat she paused dropped my hand
faced and scrutinized me I was flushed and tremulous from head to foot tell
it not in Gath I believe I was crying In fact the difficulties before me were
far from being wholly imaginary some of them were real enough and not the
least substantial lay in my want of mastery over the medium through which I
should be obliged to teach I had indeed studied French closely since my
arrival in Villette learning its practice by day and its theory in every
leisure moment at night to as late an hour as the rule of the house would allow
candlelight but I was far from yet being able to trust my powers of correct
oral expression
»Dîtes donc« said madame sternly »vous sentez vous réellement trop
faible«
I might have said »Yes« and gone back to nursery obscurity and there
perhaps mouldered for the rest of my life but looking up at madame I saw in
her countenance a something that made me think twice ere I decided At that
instant she did not wear a womans aspect but rather a mans Power of a
particular kind strongly limned itself in all her traits and that power was not
my kind of power neither sympathy nor congeniality nor submission were the
emotions it awakened I stood not soothed nor won nor overwhelmed It seemed
as if a challenge of strength between opposing gifts was given and I suddenly
felt all the dishonour of my diffidence all the pusillanimity of my slackness
to aspire
»Will you« said she »go backward or forward« indicating with her hand
first the small door of communication with the dwellinghouse and then the
great double portals of the classes or schoolrooms
»En avant« I said
»But« pursued she cooling as I warmed and continuing the hard look from
very antipathy to which I drew strength and determination »can you face the
classes or are you overexcited«
She sneered slightly in saying this nervous excitability was not much to
madames taste
»I am no more excited than this stone« I said tapping the flag with my
toe »or than you« I added returning her look
»Bon But let me tell you these are not quiet decorous English girls you
are going to encounter Ce sont des Labassecouriennes rondes franches
brusques et tant soit peu rebelles«
I said »I know and I know too that though I have studied French hard
since I came here yet I still speak it with far too much hesitation too
little accuracy to be able to command their respect I shall make blunders that
will lay me open to the scorn of the most ignorant Still I mean to give the
lesson«
»They always throw over timid teachers« said she
»I know that too madame I have heard how they rebelled against and
persecuted Miss Turner« a poor friendless English teacher whom madame had
employed and lightly discarded and to whose piteous history I was no stranger
»Cest vrai« said she coolly »Miss Turner had no more command over them
than a servant from the kitchen would have had She was weak and wavering she
had neither tact nor intelligence decision nor dignity Miss Turner would not
do for these girls at all«
I made no reply but advanced to the closed schoolroom door
»You will not expect aid from me or from any one« said madame »That would
at once set you down as incompetent for your office«
I opened the door let her pass with courtesy and followed her There were
three schoolrooms all large That dedicated to the second division where I
was to figure was considerably the largest and accommodated an assemblage more
numerous more turbulent and infinitely more unmanageable than the other two
In after days when I knew the ground better I used to think sometimes if such
a comparison may be permitted that the quiet polished tame first division
was to the robust riotous demonstrative second division what the English
House of Lords is to the House of Commons
The first glance informed me that many of the pupils were more than girls
quite young women I knew that some of them were of noble family as nobility
goes in Labassecour and I was well convinced that not one amongst them was
ignorant of my position in madames household As I mounted the estrade a low
platform raised a step above the flooring where stood the teachers chair and
desk I beheld opposite to me a row of eyes and brows that threatened stormy
weather eyes full of an insolent light and brows hard and unblushing as
marble The continental female is quite a different being to the insular female
of the same age and class I never saw such eyes and brows in England Madame
Beck introduced me in one cool phrase sailed from the room and left me alone
in my glory
I shall never forget that first lesson nor all the undercurrent of life and
character it opened up to me Then first did I begin rightly to see the wide
difference that lies between the novelists and poets ideal »jeune fille« and
the said »jeune fille« as she really is
It seems that three titled belles in the first row had sat down
predetermined that a bonne denfants should not give them lessons in English
They knew they had succeeded in expelling obnoxious teachers before now they
knew that madame would at any time throw overboard a professeur or maîtresse who
became unpopular with the school that she never assisted a weak official to
retain his place that if he had not strength to fight or tact to win his way
down he went looking at Miss Snowe they promised themselves an easy victory
Mesdemoiselles Blanche Virginie and Angélique opened the campaign by a
series of titterings and whisperings these soon swelled into murmurs and short
laughs which the remoter benches caught up and echoed more loudly This growing
revolt of sixty against one soon became oppressive enough my command of French
being so limited and exercised under such cruel constraint
Could I but have spoken in my own tongue I felt as if I might have gained a
hearing for in the first place though I knew I looked a poor creature and in
many respects actually was so yet nature had given me a voice that could make
itself heard if lifted in excitement or deepened by emotion In the second
place while I had no flow only a hesitating trickle of language in ordinary
circumstances yet under stimulus such as was now rife through the mutinous
mass I could in English have rolled out readily phrases stigmatizing their
proceedings as such proceedings deserved to be stigmatized and then with some
sarcasm flavoured with contemptuous bitterness for the ringleaders and
relieved with easy banter for the weaker but less knavish followers it seemed
to me that one might possibly get command over this wild herd and bring them
into training at least All I could now do was to walk up to Blanche
Mademoiselle de Melcy a young baronne the eldest tallest handsomest and
most vicious stand before her desk take from under her hand her
exercisebook remount the estrade deliberately read the composition which I
found very stupid and as deliberately and in the face of the whole school
tear the blotted page in two
This action availed to draw attention and check noise One girl alone quite
in the background persevered in the riot with undiminished energy I looked at
her attentively She had a pale face hair like night broad strong eyebrows
decided features and a dark mutinous sinister eye I noted that she sat close
by a little door which door I was well aware opened into a small closet where
books were kept She was standing up for the purpose of conducting her clamour
with freer energies I measured her stature and calculated her strength She
seemed both tall and wiry but so the conflict were brief and the attack
unexpected I thought I might manage her
Advancing up the room looking as cool and careless as I possibly could in
short ayant lair de rien I slightly pushed the door and found it was ajar In
an instant and with sharpness I had turned on her In another instant she
occupied the closet the door was shut and the key in my pocket
It so happened that this girl Dolores by name and a Catalonian by race was
the sort of character at once dreaded and hated by all her associates the act
of summary justice above noted proved popular there was not one present but
in her heart liked to see it done They were stilled for a moment then a smile
not a laugh passed from desk to desk then when I had gravely and
tranquilly returned to the estrade courteously requested silence and commenced
a dictation as if nothing at all had happened the pens travelled peacefully
over the pages and the remainder of the lesson passed in order and industry
»Cest bien« said Madame Beck when I came out of class hot and a little
exhausted »Ça ira«
She had been listening and peeping through a spyhole the whole time
From that day I ceased to be nurserygoverness and became English teacher
Madame raised my salary but she got thrice the work out of me she had extracted
from Mr Wilson at half the expense
Chapter IX
Isidore
My time was now well and profitably filled up What with teaching others and
studying closely myself I had hardly a spare moment It was pleasant I felt I
was getting on not lying the stagnant prey of mould and rust but polishing my
faculties and whetting them to a keen edge with constant use Experience of a
certain kind lay before me on no narrow scale Villette is a cosmopolitan city
and in this school were girls of almost every European nation and likewise of
very varied rank in life Equality is much practised in Labassecour though not
republican in form it is nearly so in substance, and at the desks of Madame
Becks establishment the young countess and the young bourgeoise sat side by
side nor could you always by outward indications decide which was noble and
which plebeian except that indeed the latter had often franker and more
courteous manners while the former bore away the bell for a delicately balanced
combination of insolence and deceit In the former there was often quick French
blood mixed with their marshphlegm I regret to say that the effect of this
vivacious fluid chiefly appeared in the oilier glibness with which flattery and
fiction ran from the tongue and in a manner lighter and livelier but quite
heartless and insincere
To do all parties justice the honest aboriginal Labassecouriennes had an
hypocrisy of their own too but it was of a coarse order such as could deceive
few Whenever a lie was necessary for their occasions they brought it out with
a careless ease and breadth altogether untroubled by the rebuke of conscience
Not a soul in Madame Becks house from the scullion to the directress herself
but was above being ashamed of a lie they thought nothing of it to invent
might not be precisely a virtue but it was the most venial of faults »Jai
menti plusieurs fois« formed an item of every girls and womans monthly
confession the priest heard unshocked and absolved unreluctant If they had
missed going to mass or read a chapter of a novel that was another thing
these were crimes whereof rebuke and penance were the unfailing meed
While yet but halfconscious of this state of things and unlearned in its
results I got on in my new sphere very well After the first few difficult
lessons given amidst peril and on the edge of a moral volcano that rumbled
under my feet and sent sparks and hot fumes into my eyes the eruptive spirit
seemed to subside as far as I was concerned My mind was a good deal bent on
success I could not bear the thought of being baffled by mere undisciplined
disaffection and wanton indocility in this first attempt to get on in life
Many hours of the night I used to lie awake thinking what plan I had best adopt
to get a reliable hold on these mutineers to bring this stiffnecked tribe
under permanent influence In the first place I saw plainly that aid in no
shape was to be expected from Madame her righteous plan was to maintain an
unbroken popularity with the pupils at any and every cost of justice or comfort
to the teachers For a teacher to seek her alliance in any crisis of
insubordination was equivalent to securing her own expulsion In intercourse
with her pupils Madame only took to herself what was pleasant amiable and
recommendatory rigidly requiring of her lieutenants sufficiency for every
annoying crisis where to act with adequate promptitude was to be unpopular
Thus I must look only to myself
Imprimis it was clear as the day that this swinish multitude were not to
be driven by force They were to be humoured borne with very patiently a
courteous though sedate manner impressed them a very rare flash of raillery did
good Severe or continuous mental application they could not or would not
bear heavy demand on the memory the reason the attention they rejected
pointblank Where an English girl of not more than average capacity and
docility would quietly take a theme and bind herself to the task of
comprehension and mastery a Labassecourienne would laugh in your face and
throw it back to you with the phrase »Dieu que cest difficile Je nen veux
pas Cela mennuie trop«
A teacher who understood her business would take it back at once without
hesitation contest or expostulation proceed with even exaggerated care to
smoothe every difficulty to reduce it to the level of their understandings
return it to them thus modified and lay on the lash of sarcasm with unsparing
hand They would feel the sting perhaps wince a little under it but they bore
no malice against this sort of attack provided the sneer was not sour but
hearty and that it held well up to them in a clear light and bold type so
that she who ran might read their incapacity ignorance and sloth They would
riot for three additional lines to a lesson but I never knew them rebel against
a wound given to their selfrespect the little they had of that quality was
trained to be crushed and it rather liked the pressure of a firm heel than
otherwise
By degrees as I acquired fluency and freedom in their language and could
make such application of its more nervous idioms as suited their case the elder
and more intelligent girls began rather to like me in their way I noticed that
whenever a pupil had been roused to feel in her soul the stirring of worthy
emulation or the quickening of honest shame from that date she was won If I
could but once make their usually large ears burn under their thick glossy
hair all was comparatively well Byandby bouquets began to be laid on my desk
in the morning by way of acknowledgment for this little foreign attention I
used sometimes to walk with a select few during recreation In the course of
conversation it befel once or twice that I made an unpremeditated attempt to
rectify some of their singularly distorted notions of principle especially I
expressed my ideas of the evil and baseness of a lie In an unguarded moment I
chanced to say that of the two errors I considered falsehood worse than an
occasional lapse in churchattendance The poor girls were tutored to report in
Catholic ears whatever the Protestant teacher said An edifying consequence
ensued Something an unseen an indefinite a nameless something stole
between myself and these my best pupils the bouquets continued to be offered
but conversation thenceforth became impracticable As I paced the alleys or sat
in the berceau a girl never came to my right hand but a teacher as if by
magic appeared at my left Also wonderful to relate Madames shoes of silence
brought her continually to my back as quick noiseless and unexpected as some
wandering zephyr
The opinion of my Catholic acquaintance concerning my spiritual prospects
was somewhat naïvely expressed to me on one occasion A pensionnaire to whom I
had rendered some little service exclaimed one day as she sat beside me
»Mademoiselle what a pity you are a Protestant«
»Why Isabelle«
»Parceque quand vous serez morte vous brûlerez tout de suite dans
lEnfer«
»Croyezvous«
»Certainement que jy crois tout le monde le sait et dailleurs le prêtre
me la dit«
Isabelle was an odd blunt little creature She added sotto voce
»Pour assurer votre salut làhaut on ferait bien de vous brûler toute vive
icibas«
I laughed as indeed it was impossible to do otherwise
Has the reader forgotten Miss Ginevra Fanshawe If so I must be allowed to
reintroduce that young lady as a thriving pupil of Madame Becks for such she
was On her arrival in the Rue Fossette two or three days after my sudden
settlement there she encountered me with very little surprise She must have
had good blood in her veins for never was any duchess more perfectly
radically unaffectedly nonchalante than she a weak transient amaze was all
she knew of the sensation of wonder Most of her other faculties seemed to be in
the same flimsy condition her liking and disliking her love and hate were
mere cobweb and gossamer but she had one thing about her that seemed strong and
durable enough and that was her selfishness
She was not proud and bonne denfants as I was she would forthwith have
made of me a sort of friend and confidant She teased me with a thousand vapid
complaints about schoolquarrels and household economy the cookery was not to
her taste the people about her teachers and pupils she held to be
despicable because they were foreigners I bore with her abuse of the Fridays
saltfish and hard eggs with her invective against the soup the bread the
coffee with some patience for a time but at last wearied by iteration I
turned crusty and put her to rights a thing I ought to have done in the very
beginning for a salutary setting down always agreed with her
Much longer had I to endure her demands on me in the way of work Her
wardrobe so far as concerned articles of external wear was well and elegantly
supplied but there were other habiliments not so carefully provided what she
had needed frequent repair She hated needledrudgery herself and she would
bring her hose etc to me in heaps to be mended A compliance of some weeks
threatening to result in the establishment of an intolerable bore I at last
distinctly told her she must make up her mind to mend her own garments She
cried on receiving this information and accused me of having ceased to be her
friend but I held by my decision and let the hysterics pass as they could
Notwithstanding these foibles and various others needless to mention but
by no means of a refined or elevating character how pretty she was How
charming she looked when she came down on a sunny Sunday morning welldressed
and wellhumoured robed in pale lilac silk and with her fair long curls
reposing on her white shoulders Sunday was a holiday which she always passed
with friends resident in town and amongst these friends she speedily gave me to
understand was one who would fain become something more By glimpses and hints
it was shown me and by the general buoyancy of her look and manner it was ere
long proved that ardent admiration perhaps genuine love was at her command
She called her suitor Isidore this however she intimated was not his real
name but one by which it pleased her to baptize him his own she hinted not
being very pretty Once when she had been bragging about the vehemence of
Isidores attachment I asked if she loved him in return
»Comme cela« said she »he is handsome and he loves me to distraction so
that I am well amused Ça suffit«
Finding that she carried the thing on longer than from her very fickle
tastes I had anticipated I one day took it upon me to make serious inquiries
as to whether the gentleman was such as her parents and especially her uncle
on whom it appeared she was dependent would be likely to approve She
allowed that this was very doubtful as she did not believe Isidore had much
money
»Do you encourage him« I asked
»Furieusement sometimes« said she
»Without being certain that you will be permitted to marry him«
»Oh how dowdyish you are I dont want to be married I am too young«
»But if he loves you as much as you say and yet it comes to nothing in the
end he will be made miserable«
»Of course he will break his heart I should be shocked and disappointed if
he did nt«
»I wonder whether this M Isidore is a fool« said I
»He is about me but he is wise in other things à ce qu on dit Mrs
Cholmondeley considers him extremely clever she says he will push his way by
his talents all I know is that he does little more than sigh in my presence
and that I can wind him round my little finger«
Wishing to get a more definite idea of this lovestricken M Isidore whose
position seemed to me of the least secure I requested her to favour me with a
personal description but she could not describe she had neither words nor the
power of putting them together so as to make graphic phrases She even seemed
not properly to have noticed him nothing of his looks of the changes in his
countenance had touched her heart or dwelt in her memory that he was »beau
mais plutôt bel homme que joli garçon« was all she could assert My patience
would often have failed and my interest flagged in listening to her but for
one thing All the hints she dropped all the details she gave went
unconsciously to prove to my thinking that M Isidores homage was offered
with great delicacy and respect I informed her very plainly that I believed him
much too good for her and intimated with equal plainness my impression that she
was but a vain coquette She laughed shook her curls from her eyes and danced
away as if I had paid her a compliment
Miss Ginevras schoolstudies were little better than nominal there were
but three things she practised in earnest viz music singing and dancing
also embroidering the fine cambric handkerchiefs which she could not afford to
buy readyworked such mere trifles as lessons in history geography grammar
and arithmetic she left undone or got others to do for her Very much of her
time was spent in visiting Madame aware that her stay at school was now
limited to a certain period which would not be extended whether she made
progress or not allowed her great license in this particular Mrs Cholmondeley
her chaperon a gay fashionable lady invited her whenever she had company
at her own house and sometimes took her to evening parties at the houses of her
acquaintance Ginevra perfectly approved this mode of procedure it had but one
inconvenience she was obliged to be well dressed and she had not money to buy
variety of dresses All her thoughts turned on this difficulty her whole soul
was occupied with expedients for effecting its solution It was wonderful to
witness the activity of her otherwise indolent mind on this point and to see
the muchdaring intrepidity to which she was spurred by a sense of necessity
and the wish to shine
She begged boldly of Mrs Cholmondeley boldly I say not with an air of
reluctant shame but in this strain
»My darling Mrs C I have nothing in the world fit to wear for your party
next week you must give me a bookmuslin dress and then a ceinture bleu
celeste do theres an angel will you«
The darling Mrs C yielded at first but finding that applications
increased as they were complied with she was soon obliged like all Miss
Fanshawes freinds to oppose resistance to encroachment After a while I heard
no more of Mrs Cholmondeleys presents but still visiting went on and the
absolutely necessary dresses continued to be supplied also many little
expensive etceteræ gloves bouquets even trinkets These things contrary to
her custom and even nature for she was not secretive were most sedulously
kept out of sight for a time but one evening when she was going to a large
party for which particular care and elegance of costume were demanded she
could not resist coming to my chamber to show herself in all her splendour
Beautiful she looked so young so fresh and with a delicacy of skin and
flexibility of shape altogether English and not found in the list of
continental female charms Her dress was new costly and perfect I saw at a
glance that it lacked none of those finishing details which cost so much and
give to the general effect such an air of tasteful completeness
I viewed her from top to toe She turned airily round that I might survey
her on all sides Conscious of her charms she was in her best humour her
rather small blue eyes sparkled gleefully she was going to bestow on me a kiss
in her schoolgirl fashion of showing her delight but I said »Steady Let us
be steady and know what we are about and find the meaning of our magnificence«
and so put her off at arms length to undergo cooler inspection
»Shall I do« was her question
»Do« said I »There are different ways of doing and by my word I dont
understand yours«
»But how do I look«
»You look well dressed«
She thought the praise not warm enough and proceeded to direct attention to
the various decorative points of her attire »Look at this parure« said she
»The brooch the earrings the bracelets no one in the school has such a set
not madame herself«
»I see them all« Pause »Did M de Bassompierre give you those jewels«
»My uncle knows nothing about them«
»Were they presents from Mrs Cholmondeley«
»Not they indeed Mrs Cholmondeley is a mean stingy creature she never
gives me anything now«
I did not choose to ask any further questions but turned abruptly away
»Now old Crusty old Diogenes« these were her familiar terms for me when
we disagreed »what is the matter now«
»Take yourself away I have no pleasure in looking at you or your parure«
For an instant she seemed taken by surprise
»What now Mother Wisdom I have not got into debt for it that is not for
the jewels nor the gloves nor the bouquet My dress is certainly not paid for
but uncle de Bassompierre will pay it in the bill he never notices items but
just looks at the total and he is so rich one need not care about a few
guineas more or less«
»Will you go I want to shut the door Ginevra people may tell you you
are very handsome in that ballattire but in my eyes you will never look so
pretty as you did in the gingham gown and plain straw bonnet you wore when I
first saw you«
»Other people have not your puritanical tastes« was her angry reply »And
besides I see no right you have to sermonize me«
»Certainly I have little right and you perhaps have still less to come
flourishing and fluttering into my chamber a mere jay in borrowed plumes I
have not the least respect for your feathers Miss Fanshawe and especially the
peacocks eyes you call a parure very pretty things if you had bought them
with money which was your own and which you could well spare but not at all
pretty under present circumstances«
»On est là pour Mademoiselle Fanshawe« was announced by the portress and
away she tripped
This semimystery of the parure was not solved till two or three days
afterwards when she came to make a voluntary confession
»You need not be sulky with me« she began »in the idea that I am running
somebody papa or M de Bassompierre deeply into debt I assure you nothing
remains unpaid for but the few dresses I have lately had all the rest is
settled«
»There« I thought »lies the mystery considering that they were not given
you by Mrs Cholmondeley and that your own means are limited to a few
shillings of which I know you to be excessively careful«
»Ecoutez« she went on drawing near and speaking in her most confidential
and coaxing tone for my sulkiness was inconvenient to her she liked me to be
in a talking and listening mood even if I only talked to chide and listened to
rail »Ecoutez chère grogneuse I will tell you all how and about it and you
will then see not only how right the whole thing is but how cleverly managed
In the first place I must go out Papa himself said that he wished me to see
something of the world he particularly remarked to Mrs Cholmondeley that
though I was a sweet creature enough I had rather a breadandbuttereating
schoolgirl air of which it was his special desire that I should get rid by an
introduction to society here before I make my regular début in England Well
then if I go out I must dress Mrs Cholmondeley is turned shabby and will
give nothing more it would be too hard upon uncle to make him pay for all the
things I need that you cant deny that agrees with your own preachments
Well but SOMEBODY who heard me quite by chance I assure you complaining to
Mrs Cholmondeley of my distressed circumstances and what straits I was put to
for an ornament or two somebody far from grudging one a present was quite
delighted at the idea of being permitted to offer some trifle You should have
seen what a blancbec he looked when he first spoke of it how he hesitated and
blushed and positively trembled from fear of a repulse«
»That will do Miss Fanshawe I suppose I am to understand that M Isidore
is the benefactor that it is from him you have accepted that costly parure
that he supplies your bouquets and your gloves«
»You express yourself so disagreeably« said she »one hardly knows how to
answer what I mean to say is that I occasionally allow Isidore the pleasure
and honour of expressing his homage by the offer of a trifle«
»It comes to the same thing Now Ginevra to speak the plain truth I
dont very well understand these matters but I believe you are doing very wrong
seriously wrong Perhaps however you now feel certain that you will be able
to marry M Isidore your parents and uncle have given their consent and for
your part you love him entirely«
»Mais pas du tout« she always had recourse to French when about to say
something specially heartless and perverse »Je suis sa reine mais il nest
pas mon roi«
»Excuse me I must believe this language is mere nonsense and coquetry
There is nothing great about you yet you are above profiting by the good nature
and the purse of a man to whom you feel absolute indifference You love M
Isidore far more than you think or will avow«
»No I danced with a young officer the other night whom I love a thousand
times more than he I often wonder why I feel so very cold to Isidore for
everybody says he is handsome and other ladies admire him but somehow he
bores me let me see now how it is «
And she seemed to make an effort to reflect In this I encouraged her
»Yes« I said »try to get a clear idea of the state of your mind To me it
seems in a great mess chaotic as a ragbag«
»It is something in this fashion« she cried out ere long »the man is too
romantic and devoted and he expects something more of me than I find it
convenient to be He thinks I am perfect furnished with all sorts of sterling
qualities and solid virtues such as I never had nor intend to have Now one
cant help in his presence rather trying to justify his good opinion and it
does so tire one to be goody and to talk sense for he really thinks I am
sensible I am far more at my ease with you old lady you you dear
crosspatch who take me at my lowest and know me to be coquettish and
ignorant and flirting and fickle and silly and selfish and all the other
sweet things you and I have agreed to be a part of my character«
»This is all very well« I said making a strenuous effort to preserve that
gravity and severity which ran risk of being shaken by this whimsical candour
»but it does not alter that wretched business of the presents Pack them up
Ginevra like a good honest girl and send them back«
»Indeed I wont« said she stoutly
»Then you are deceiving M Isidore It stands to reason that by accepting
his presents you give him to understand he will one day receive an equivalent
in your regard «
»But he wont« she interrupted »he has his equivalent now in the pleasure
of seeing me wear them quite enough for him he is only bourgeois«
This phrase in its senseless arrogance quite cured me of the temporary
weakness which had made me relax my tone and aspect She rattled on
»My present business is to enjoy youth and not to think of fettering
myself by promise or vow to this man or that When first I saw Isidore I
believed he would help me to enjoy it I believed he would be content with my
being a pretty girl and that we should meet and part and flutter about like two
butterflies and be happy Lo and behold I find him at times as grave as a
judge and deepfeeling and thoughtful Bah Les penseurs les hommes profonds
et passionnés ne sont pas à mon gout Le Colonel Alfred de Hamal suits me far
better Va pour les beaux fats et les jolis fripons Vive les joies et les
plaisirs A bas les grandes passions et les sévères vertus«
She looked for an answer to this tirade I gave none
»Jaime mon beau colonel« she went on »Je n aimerai jamais son rival Je
ne serai jamais femme de bourgeois moi«
I now signified that it was imperatively necessary my apartment should be
relieved of the honour of her presence she went away laughing
Chapter X
Dr John
Madame Beck was a most consistent character forbearing with all the world and
tender to no part of it Her own children drew her into no deviation from the
even tenor of her stoic calm She was solicitous about her family vigilant for
their interests and physical wellbeing but she never seemed to know the wish
to take her little children upon her lap to press their rosy lips with her own
to gather them in a genial embrace to shower on them softly the benignant
caress the loving word
I have watched her sometimes sitting in the garden viewing the little ones
afar off as they walked in a distant alley with Trinette their bonne in her
mien spoke care and prudence I know she often pondered anxiously what she
called leur avenir but if the youngest a puny and delicate but engaging
child chancing to spy her broke from its nurse and toddling down the walk
came all eager and laughing and panting to clasp her knee madame would just
calmly put out one hand so as to prevent inconvenient concussion from the
childs sudden onset »Prends garde mon enfant« she would say unmoved
patiently permit it to stand near her a few moments and then without smile or
kiss or endearing syllable rise and lead it back to Trinette
Her demeanour to the eldest girl was equally characteristic in another way
This was a vicious child »Quelle peste que cette Désirée Quel poison que cet
enfant là« were the expressions dedicated to her alike in kitchen and in
schoolroom Amongst her other endowments she boasted an exquisite skill in the
art of provocation sometimes driving her bonne and the servants almost wild
She would steal to their attics open their drawers and boxes wantonly tear
their best caps and soil their best shawls she would watch her opportunity to
get at the beaufet of the salle à manger where she would smash articles of
porcelain or glass or to the cupboard of the storeroom where she would
plunder the preserves drink the sweet wine break jars and bottles and so
contrive as to throw the onus of suspicion on the cook and the kitchenmaid All
this when madame saw and of which when she received report her sole
observation uttered with matchless serenity was
»Désirée a besoin dune surveillance toute particulière« Accordingly she
kept this promising olivebranch a good deal at her side Never once I believe
did she tell her faithfully of her faults explain the evil of such habits and
show the results which must thence ensue Surveillance must work the whole cure
It failed of course Désirée was kept in some measure from the servants but she
teased and pillaged her mama instead Whatever belonging to madames worktable
or toilet she could lay her hands on she stole and hid Madame saw all this
but she still pretended not to see she had not rectitude of soul to confront
the child with her vices When an article disappeared whose value rendered
restitution necessary she would profess to think that Désirée had taken it away
in play and beg her to restore it Désirée was not to be so cheated she had
learned to bring falsehood to the aid of theft and would deny having touched
the brooch ring or scissors Carrying on the hollow system the mother would
calmly assume an air of belief, and afterwards ceaselessly watch and dog the
child till she tracked her to her hidingplaces some hole in the gardenwall
some chink or cranny in garret or outhouse This done madame would send
Désirée out for a walk with her bonne and profit by her absence to rob the
robber Désirée proved herself the true daughter of her astute parent by never
suffering either her countenance or manner to betray the least sign of
mortification on discovering the loss
The second child Fifine was said to be like its dead father Certainly
though the mother had given it her healthy frame her blue eye and ruddy cheek
not from her was derived its moral being It was an honest gleeful little soul
a passionate warmtempered bustling creature it was too and of the sort
likely to blunder often into perils and difficulties One day it bethought
itself to fall from top to bottom of a steep flight of stone steps and when
madame hearing the noise she always heard every noise issued from the salle
à manger and picked it up she said quietly
»Cet enfant a un os de cassé«
At first we hoped this was not the case It was however but too true one
little plump arm hung powerless
»Let meess« meaning me »take her« said madame »et quon aille tout de
suite chercher un fiacre«
In a fiacre she promptly but with admirable coolness and selfpossession
departed to fetch a surgeon
It appeared she did not find the familysurgeon at home but that mattered
not she sought until she laid her hand on a substitute to her mind and brought
him back with her Meantime I had cut the childs sleeve from its arm undressed
and put it to bed
We none of us I suppose by we I mean the bonne the cook the portress
and myself all which personages were now gathered in the small and heated
chamber looked very scrutinizingly at the new doctor when he came into the
room I at least was taken up with endeavouring to soothe Fifine whose cries
for she had good lungs were appalling to hear These cries redoubled in
intensity as the stranger approached her bed when he took her up »Let alone«
she cried passionately in her broken English for she spoke English as did the
other children »I will not you I will Dr Pillule«
»And Dr Pillule is my very good friend« was the answer in perfect
English »but he is busy at a place three leagues off and I am come in his
stead So now when we get a little calmer we must commence business and we
will soon have that unlucky little arm bandaged and in right order«
Hereupon he called for a glass of eau sucrée fed her with some teaspoonsful
of the sweet liquid Fifine was a frank gourmande any body could win her heart
through her palate promised her more when the operation should be over and
promptly went to work Some assistance being needed he demanded it of the cook
a robust strongarmed woman but she the portress and the nurse instantly
fled I did not like to touch that small tortured limb but thinking there was
no alternative my hand was already extended to do what was requisite I was
anticipated Madame Beck had put out her own hand hers was steady while mine
trembled
»Ça vaudra mieux« said the doctor turning from me to her
He showed wisdom in his choice Mine would have been feigned stoicism
forced fortitude Hers was neither forced nor feigned
»Merci Madame très bien fort bien« said the operator when he had
finished »Voilà un sangfroid bien opportun et qui vaut mille élans de
sensibilité déplacée«
He was pleased with her firmness she with his compliment It is likely too
that his whole general appearance his voice mien and manner wrought
impressions in his favour Indeed when you looked well at him and when a lamp
was brought in for it was evening and now waxing dusk you saw that unless
Madame Beck had been less than woman it could not well be otherwise This young
doctor he was young had no common aspect His stature looked imposingly tall
in that little chamber and amidst that group of Dutchmade women his profile
was clear fine and expressive perhaps his eye glanced from face to face
rather too vividly too quickly and too often but it had a most pleasant
character and so had his mouth his chin was full cleft Grecian and perfect
As to his smile one could not in a hurry make up ones mind as to the
descriptive epithet it merited there was something in it that pleased but
something too that brought surging up into the mind all ones foibles and weak
points all that could lay one open to a laugh yet Fifine liked this doubtful
smile and thought the owner genial much as he had hurt her she held out her
hand to bid him a friendly goodnight He patted the little hand kindly and
then he and madame went down stairs together she talking in her highest tide of
spirits and volubility he listening with an air of goodnatured amenity dashed
with that unconscious roguish archness I find it difficult to describe
I noticed that though he spoke French well he spoke English better he had
too an English complexion eyes and form I noticed more As he passed me in
leaving the room turning his face in my direction one moment not to address
me but to speak to madame yet so standing that I almost necessarily looked up
at him a recollection which had been struggling to form in my memory since
the first moment I heard his voice started up perfected This was the very
gentleman to whom I had spoken at the bureau who had helped me in the matter of
the trunk who had been my guide through the dark wet park Listening as he
passed down the long vestibule out into the street I recognized his very tread
it was the same firm and equal stride I had followed under the dripping trees
It was to be concluded that this young surgeonphysicians first visit to the
Rue Fossette would be his last The respectable Dr Pillule being expected home
the next day there appeared no reason why his temporary substitute should again
represent him but the Fates had written their decree to the contrary
Dr Pillule had been summoned to see a rich old hypochondriac at the antique
university town of BouquinMoisi and upon his prescribing change of air and
travel as remedies he was retained to accompany the timid patient on a tour of
some weeks it but remained therefore for the new doctor to continue his
attendance at the Rue Fossette
I often saw him when he came for madame would not trust the little invalid
to Trinette but required me to spend much of my time in the nursery I think he
was skilful Fifine recovered rapidly under his care yet even her convalescence
did not hasten his dismissal Destiny and Madame Beck seemed in league and both
had ruled that he should make deliberate acquaintance with the vestibule the
private staircase and upper chambers of the Rue Fossette
No sooner did Fifine emerge from his hands than Désirée declared herself
ill That possessed child had a genius for simulation and captivated by the
attentions and indulgences of a sickroom she came to the conclusion that an
illness would perfectly accommodate her tastes and took her bed accordingly
She acted well and her mother still better for while the whole case was
transparent to Madame Beck as the day she treated it with an astonishingly
wellassured air of gravity and good faith
What surprised me was that Dr John so the young Englishman had taught
Fifine to call him and we all took from her the habit of addressing him by this
name till it became an established custom and he was known by no other in the
Rue Fossette that Dr John consented tacitly to adopt madames tactics and
to fall in with her manoeuvres He betrayed indeed a period of comic doubt
cast one or two rapid glances from the child to the mother indulged in an
interval of self-consultation but finally resigned himself with a good grace to
play his part in the farce Désirée eat like a raven gambolled day and night in
her bed pitched tents with the sheets and blankets lounged like a Turk amidst
pillows and bolsters diverted herself with throwing her shoes at her bonne and
grimacing at her sisters overflowed in short with unmerited health and evil
spirits only languishing when her mama and the physician paid their diurnal
visit Madame Beck I knew was glad at any price to have her daughter in bed
out of the way of mischief but I wondered that Dr John did not tire of the
business
Every day on this mere pretext of a motive he gave punctual attendance
madame always received him with the same empressement the same sunshine for
himself the same admirably counterfeited air of concern for her child Dr John
wrote harmless prescriptions for the patient and viewed her mother with a
shrewdly sparkling eye Madame caught his rallying looks without resenting them
she had too much good sense for that Supple as the young doctor seemed one
could not despise him this pliant part was evidently not adopted in the design
to curry favour with his employer while he liked his office at the Pensionnat
and lingered strangely about the Rue Fossette he was independent almost
careless in his carriage there and yet too he was often thoughtful and
preoccupied
It was not perhaps my business to observe the mystery of his bearing or
search out its origin or aim but placed as I was I could hardly help it He
laid himself open to my observation according to my presence in the room just
that degree of notice and consequence a person of my exterior habitually
expects that is to say about what is given to unobtrusive articles of
furniture chairs of ordinary joiners work and carpets of no striking pattern
Often while waiting for madame he would muse smile watch or listen like a
man who thinks himself alone I meantime was free to puzzle over his
countenance and movements and wonder what could be the meaning of that peculiar
interest and attachment all mixed up with doubt and strangeness and
inexplicably ruled by some presiding spell which wedded him to this
demiconvent secluded in the builtup core of a capital He I believe never
remembered that I had eyes in my head much less a brain behind them
Nor would he ever have found this out but that one day while he sat in the
sunshine and I was observing the colouring of his hair whiskers and
complexion the whole being of such a tone as a strong light brings out with
somewhat perilous force indeed I recollect I was driven to compare his beamy
head in my thoughts to that of the golden image which Nebuchadnezzar the king
had set up an idea new sudden and startling riveted my attention with an
overmastering strength and power of attraction I know not to this day how I
looked at him the force of surprise and also of conviction made me forget
myself and I only recovered wonted consciousness when I saw that his notice
was arrested and that it had caught my movement in a clear little oval mirror
fixed in the side of the window recess by the aid of which reflector madame
often secretly spied persons walking in the garden below Though of so gay and
sanguine a temperament he was not without a certain nervous sensitiveness which
made him ill at ease under a direct inquiring gaze On surprising me thus he
turned and said in a tone which though courteous had just so much dryness in
it as to mark a shade of annoyance as well as to give to what was said the
character of rebuke
»Mademoiselle does not spare me I am not vain enough to fancy that it is my
merits which attract her attention it must then be some defect Dare I ask
what«
I was confounded as the reader may suppose yet not with an irrecoverable
confusion being conscious that it was from no emotion of incautious admiration
nor yet in a spirit of unjustifiable inquisitiveness that I had incurred this
reproof I might have cleared myself on the spot but would not I did not
speak I was not in the habit of speaking to him Suffering him then to think
what he chose and accuse me of what he would I resumed some work I had
dropped and kept my head bent over it during the remainder of his stay There
is a perverse mood of the mind which is rather soothed than irritated by
misconstruction and in quarters where we can never be rightly known we take
pleasure I think in being consummately ignored What honest man on being
casually taken for a housebreaker does not feel rather tickled than vexed at
the mistake
Chapter XI
The Portresses Cabinet
It was summer and very hot Georgette the youngest of Madame Becks children
took a fever Désirée suddenly cured of her ailments was together with
Fifine packed off to BonneMaman in the country by way of precaution against
infection Medical aid was now really needed and Madame choosing to ignore the
return of Dr Pillule who had been at home a week conjured his English rival
to continue his visits One or two of pensionnaires complained of headache and
in other respects seemed slightly to participate Georgettes ailment »Now at
last« I thought »Dr Pillule must be recalled the prudent directress will
never venture to permit the attendance of so young a man on the pupils«
The directress was very prudent but she could also be intrepidly venturous
She actually introduced Dr John to the schooldivision of the premises and
established him in attendance on the proud and handsome Blanche de Melcy and
the vain flirting Angélique her friend Dr John I thought testified a
certain gratification at this mark of confidence and if discretion of bearing
could have justified the step it would by him have been amply justified Here
however in this land of convents and confessionals such a presence as his was
not to be suffered with impunity in a »Pensionnat de demoiselles« The school
gossiped the kitchen whispered the town caught the rumour parents wrote
letters and paid visits of remonstrance Madame had she been weak would now
have been lost a dozen rival educational houses were ready to improve this
false step if false step it were to her ruin but Madame was not weak and
little Jesuit though she might be yet I clapped the hands of my heart and with
its voice cried »brava« as I watched her able bearing her skilled management
her temper and her firmness on this occasion
She met the alarmed parents with a goodhumoured easy grace for nobody
matched her in I know not whether to say the possession or the assumption of a
certain »rondeur et franchise de bonne femme« which on various occasions gained
the point aimed at with instant and complete success where severe gravity and
serious reasoning would probably have failed
»Ce pauvre Docteur Jean« she would say chuckling and rubbing joyously her
fat little white hands »ce cher jeune homme le meilleur créature du monde«
and go on to explain how she happened to be employing him for her own children
who were so fond of him they would scream themselves into fits at the thought of
another doctor how where she had confidence for her own she thought it natural
to repose trust for others and au reste it was only the most temporary
expedient in the world Blanche and Angélique had the migraine Dr John had
written a prescription voilà tout
The parents mouths were closed Blanche and Angélique saved her all
remaining trouble by chanting loud duets in their physicians praise the other
pupils echoed them unanimously declaring that when they were ill they would
have Dr John and nobody else and madame laughed and the parents laughed too
The Labassecouriens must have a large organ of philoprogenitiveness at least
the indulgence of offspring is carried by them to excessive lengths the law of
most households being the childrens will Madame now got credit for having
acted on this occasion in a spirit of motherly partiality she came off with
flying colours people liked her as a directress better than ever
To this day I never fully understood why she thus risked her interest for
the sake of Dr John What people said of course I know well the whole house
pupils teachers servants included affirmed that she was going to marry him
So they had settled it difference of age seemed to make no obstacle in their
eyes it was to be so
It must be admitted that appearances did not wholly discountenance this
idea madame seemed so bent on retaining his services so oblivious of her
former protégé Pillule She made too such a point of personally receiving his
visits and was so unfailingly cheerful blithe and benignant in her manner to
him Moreover she paid about this time marked attention to dress the morning
deshabille the nightcap and shawl were discarded Dr Johns early visits
always found her with auburn braids all nicely arranged silk dress trimly
fitted on neat laced brodequins in lieu of slippers in short the whole
toilette complete as a model and fresh as a flower I scarcely think however
that her intention in this went further than just to show a very handsome man
that she was not quite a plain woman and plain she was not Without beauty of
feature or elegance of form she pleased Without youth and its gay graces she
cheered One never tired of seeing her she was never monotonous or insipid or
colourless or flat Her unfaded hair her eye with its temperate blue light
her cheek with its wholesome fruitlike bloom these things pleased in
modderation but with constancy
Had she indeed floating visions of adopting Dr John as a husband taking
him to her wellfurnished home endowing him with her savings which were said
to amount to a moderate competency and making him comfortable for the rest of
his life Did Dr John suspect her of such visions I have met him coming out of
her presence with a mischievous halfsmile about his lips and in his eyes a
look as of masculine vanity elate and tickled With all his good looks and
goodnature he was not perfect he must have been very imperfect if he
roguishly encouraged aims he never intended to be successful But did he not
intend them to be successful People said he had no money that he was wholly
dependent upon his profession Madame though perhaps some fourteen years his
senior was yet the sort of woman never to grow old never to wither never to
break down They certainly were on good terms He perhaps was not in love but
how many people ever do love or at least marry for love in this world We
waited the end
For what he waited I do not know nor for what he watched but the
peculiarity of his manner his expectant vigilant absorbed eager look never
wore off it rather intensified He had never been quite within the compass of
my penetration and I think he ranged farther and farther beyond it
One morning little Georgette had been more feverish and consequently more
peevish she was crying and would not be pacified I thought a particular
draught ordered disagreed with her and I doubted whether it ought to be
continued I waited impatiently for the doctors coming in order to consult him
The doorbell rung he was admitted I felt sure of this for I heard his
voice addressing the portresse It was his custom to mount straight to the
nursery taking about three degrees of the staircase at once and coming upon us
like a cheerful surprise Five minutes elapsed ten and I saw and heard
nothing of him What could he be doing Possibly waiting in the corridor below
Little Georgette still piped her plaintive wail appealing to me by her familiar
term »Minnie Minnie me very poorly« till my heart ached I descended to
ascertain why he did not come The corridor was empty Whither was he vanished
Was he with madame in the salle à manger Impossible I had left her but a short
time since dressing in her own chamber I listened Three pupils were just then
hard at work practising in three proximate rooms the dining room and the
greater and lesser drawingrooms between which and the corridor there was but
the portresses cabinet communicating with the salons and intended originally
for a boudoir Farther off at a fourth instrument in the oratory a whole class
of a dozen or more were taking a singing lesson and just then joining in a
barcarole I think they called it whereof I yet remember these words fraîchë
brisë and Venisë Under these circumstances what could I hear A great deal
certainly had it only been to the purpose
Yes I heard a giddy treble laugh in the abovementioned little cabinet
close by the door of which I stood that door halfunclosed a mans voice in a
soft deep pleading tone uttered some words whereof I only caught the
adjuration »For Gods sake« Then after a seconds pause forth issued Dr
John his eye fullshining but not with either joy or triumph his fair English
cheek highcoloured a baffled tortured anxious and yet a tender meaning on
his brow
The open door served me as a screen but had I been full in his way I
believe he would have passed without seeing me Some mortification some strong
vexation had hold of his soul or rather to write my impressions now as I
received them at the time I should say some sorrow some sense of injustice I
did not so much think his pride was hurt as that his affections had been
wounded cruelly wounded it seemed to me But who was the torturer What being
in that house had him so much in her power Madame I believed to be in her
chamber the room whence he had stepped was dedicated to the portresses sole
use and she Rosine Matou an unprincipled though pretty little French
grisette airy fickle dressy vain and mercenary it was not surely to her
hand he owed the ordeal through which he seemed to have passed
But while I pondered her voice clear though somewhat sharp broke out in a
lightsome French song trilling through the door still ajar I glanced in
doubting my senses There at the table she sat in a smart dress of jaconas rose
trimming a tiny blond cap not a living thing save herself was in the room
except indeed some goldfish in a glass globe some flowers in pots and a broad
July sunbeam
Here was a problem but I must go up stairs to ask about the medicine
Dr John sat in a chair at Georgettes bedside madame stood before him the
little patient had been examined and soothed and now lay composed in her crib
Madame Beck as I entered was discussing the physicians own health remarking
on some real or fancied change in his looks charging him with overwork and
recommending rest and change of air He listened goodnaturedly but with
laughing indifference telling her that she was »trop bonne« and that he felt
perfectly well Madame appealed to me Dr John following her movement with a
slow glance which seemed to express languid surprise at reference being made to
a quarter so insignificant
»What do you think Miss Lucie« asked madame »Is he not paler and
thinner«
It was very seldom that I uttered more than monosyllables in Dr Johns
presence he was the kind of person with whom I was likely ever to remain the
neutral passive thing he thought me Now however I took license to answer in
a phrase and a phrase I purposely made quite significant
»He looks ill at this moment but perhaps it is owing to some temporary
cause Dr John may have been vexed or harassed« I cannot tell how he took this
speech as I never sought his face for information Georgette here began to ask
me in her broken English if she might have a glass of eau sucrée I answered her
in English For the first time I fancy he noticed that I spoke his language
hitherto he had always taken me for a foreigner addressing me as mademoiselle
and giving in French the requisite directions about the childrens treatment He
seemed on the point of making a remark but thinking better of it held his
tongue
Madame recommenced advising him he shook his head laughing rose and bid
her good morning with courtesy but still with the regardless air of one whom
too much unsolicited attention was surfeiting and spoiling
When he was gone madame dropped into the chair he had just left she rested
her chin in her hand all that was animated and amiable vanished from her face
she looked stony and stern almost mortified and morose She sighed a single
but a deep sigh A loud bell rang for morning school She got up as she passed
a dressingtable with a glass upon it she looked at her reflected image One
single white hair streaked her nutbrown tresses she plucked it out with a
shudder In the full summer daylight her face though it still had the colour
could plainly be seen to have lost the texture of youth and then where were
youths contours Ah madame wise as you were even you knew weakness Never
had I pitied madame before but my heart softened towards her when she turned
darkly from the glass A calamity had come upon her That hag disappointment was
greeting her with a grisly »allhail« and her soul rejected the intimacy
But Rosine My bewilderment there surpasses description I embraced five
opportunities of passing her cabinet that day with a view to contemplating her
charms and finding out the secret of their influence She was pretty young
and wore a wellmade dress All very good points and I suppose amply
sufficient to account in any philosophic mind for any amount of agony and
distraction in a young man like Dr John Still I could not help forming half a
wish that the said doctor were my brother or at least that he had a sister or a
mother who would kindly sermonize him I say half a wish I broke it and flung
it away before it became a whole one discovering in good time its exquisite
folly »Somebody« I argued »might as well sermonize madame about her young
physician and what good would that do«
I believe madame sermonized herself She did not behave weakly or make
herself in any shape ridiculous It is true she had neither strong feelings to
overcome nor tender feelings by which to be miserably pained It is true
likewise that she had an important avocation a real business to fill her time
divert her thoughts and divide her interest It is especially true that she
possessed a genuine good sense which is not given to all women nor to all men
and by dint of these combined advantages she behaved wisely she behaved well
Brava once more Madame Beck I saw you matched against an Apollyon of a
predilection you fought a good fight and you overcame
Chapter XII
The Casket
Behind the house at the Rue Fossette there was a garden large considering
that it lay in the heart of a city and to my recollection at this day it seems
pleasant but time like distance lends to certain scenes an influence so
softening and where all is stone around blank wall and hot pavement how
precious seems one shrub how lovely an enclosed and planted spot of ground
There went a tradition that Madame Becks house had in old days been a
convent That in years gone by how long gone by I cannot tell but I think
some centuries before the city had overspread this quarter and when it was
tilled ground and avenue and such deep and leafy seclusion as ought to embosom
a religious house that something had happened on this site which rousing fear
and inflicting horror had left to the place the inheritance of a ghost story A
vague tale went of a black and white nun sometimes on some night or nights of
the year seen in some part of this vicinage The ghost must have been built out
some ages ago for there were houses all round now but certain conventrelics
in the shape of old and huge fruittrees yet consecrated the spot and at the
foot of one a Methuselah of a peartree dead all but a few boughs which
still faithfully renewed their perfumed snow in spring and their honeysweet
pendants in autumn you saw in scraping away the mossy earth between the
halfbared roots a glimpse of slab smooth hard and black The legend went
unconfirmed and unaccredited but still propagated that this was the portal of
a vault emprisoning deep beneath that ground on whose surface grass grew and
flowers bloomed the bones of a girl whom a monkish conclave of the drear middle
ages had here buried alive for some sin against her vow Her shadow it was that
tremblers had feared through long generations after her poor frame was dust
her black robe and white veil that for timid eyes moonlight and shade had
mocked as they fluctuated in the nightwind through the gardenthicket
Independently of romantic rubbish however that old garden had its charms
On summer mornings I used to rise early to enjoy them alone on summer
evenings to linger solitary to keep tryste with the rising moon or taste one
kiss of the evening breeze or fancy rather than feel the freshness of dew
descending The turf was verdant the gravelled walks were white sunbright
nasturtiums clustered beautiful about the roots of the doddered orchard giants
There was a large berceau above which spread the shade of an acacia there was
a smaller more sequestered bower nestled in the vines which ran all along a
high and gray wall and gathered their tendrils in a knot of beauty and hung
their clusters in loving profusion about the favoured spot where jasmine and ivy
met and married them
Doubtless at high noon in the broad vulgar middle of the day when Madame
Becks large school turned out rampant and externes and pensionnaires were
spread abroad vying with the denizens of the boys college close at hand in
the brazen exercise of their lungs and limbs doubtless then the garden was a
trite troddendown place enough But at sunset or the hour of salut when the
externes were gone home and the boarders quiet at their studies pleasant was
it then to stray down the peaceful alleys and hear the bells of St Jean
Baptiste peal out with their sweet soft exalted sound
I was walking thus one evening and had been detained farther within the
verge of twilight than usual by the stilldeepening calm the mellow coolness
the fragrant breathing with which flowers no sunshine could win now answered the
persuasion of the dew I saw by a light in the oratory window that the Catholic
household were then gathered to evening prayer a rite from attendance on
which I now and then as a Protestant exempted myself
»One moment longer« whispered solitude and the summer moon »stay with us
all is truly quiet now for another quarter of an hour your presence will not be
missed the days heat and bustle have tired you enjoy these precious minutes«
The windowless backs of houses built in this garden and in particular the
whole of one side was skirted by the rear of a long line of premises being the
boardinghouses of the neighbouring college This rear however was all blank
stone with the exception of certain attic loopholes high up opening from the
sleepingrooms of the womenservants and also one casement in a lower story
said to mark the chamber or study of a master But though thus secure an
alley which ran parallel with the very high wall on that side the garden was
forbidden to be entered by the pupils It was called indeed lallée défendue
and any girl setting foot there would have rendered herself liable to as severe
a penalty as the mild rules of Madame Becks establishment permitted Teachers
might indeed go there with impunity but as the walk was narrow and the
neglected shrubs were grown very thick and close on each side weaving overhead
a roof of branch and leaf which the suns rays penetrated but in rare chequers
this alley was seldom entered even during day and after dusk was carefully
shunned
From the first I was tempted to make an exception to this rule of avoidance
the seclusion the very gloom of the walk attracted me For a long time the fear
of seeming singular scared me away but by degrees as people became accustomed
to me and my habits and to such shades of peculiarity as were engrained in my
nature shades certainly not striking enough to interest and perhaps not
prominent enough to offend but born in and with me and no more to be parted
with than my identity by slow degrees I became a frequenter of this strait and
narrow path I made myself gardener of some tintless flowers that grew between
its closelyranked shrubs I cleared away the relics of past autumns choking up
a rustic seat at the far end Borrowing of Goton the cuisinière a pail of
water and a scrubbingbrush I made this seat clean Madame saw me at work and
smiled approbation whether sincerely or not I dont know but she seemed
sincere
»Voyezvous« cried she »comme elle est propre cette demoiselle Lucie Vous
aimez donc cette allée meess«
»Yes« I said »it is quiet and shady«
»Cest juste« cried she with her air of bonté and she kindly recommended
me to confine myself to it as much as I chose saying that as I was not charged
with the surveillance I need not trouble myself to walk with the pupils only I
might permit her children to come there to talk English with me
On the night in question I was sitting on the hidden seat reclaimed from
fungi and mould listening to what seemed the faroff sounds of the city
Faroff in truth they were not this school was in the citys centre hence,
it was but five minutes walk to the park scarce ten to buildings of palatial
splendour Quite near were wide streets brightly lit teeming at this moment
with life carriages were rolling through them to balls or to the opera The
same hour which tolled curfew for our convent which extinguished each lamp and
dropped the curtain round each couch rung for the gay city about us the summons
to festal enjoyment Of this contrast I thought not however gay instincts my
nature had few ball or opera I had never seen and though often I had heard
them described and even wished to see them it was not the wish of one who
hopes to partake a pleasure if she could only reach it who feels fitted to
shine in some bright distant sphere could she but thither win her way it was
no yearning to attain no hunger to taste only the calm desire to look on a new
thing
A moon was in the sky not a full moon but a young crescent I saw her
through a space in the boughs overhead She and the stars visible beside her
were no strangers where all else was strange my childhood knew them I had seen
that golden sign with the dark globe in its curve leaning back on azure beside
an old thorn at the top of an old field in Old England in long past days just
as it now leaned back beside a stately spire in this continental capital
Oh my childhood I had feelings passive as I lived little as I spoke
cold as I looked when I thought of past days I could feel About the present
it was better to be stoical about the future such a future as mine to be
dead And in catalepsy and a dead trance I studiously held the quick of my
nature
At that time I well remember whatever could excite certain accidents of
the weather for instance were almost dreaded by me because they woke the
being I was always lulling and stirred up a craving cry I could not satisfy
One night a thunderstorm broke a sort of hurricane shook us in our beds the
Catholics rose in panic and prayed to their saints As for me the tempest took
hold of me with tyranny I was roughly roused and obliged to live I got up and
dressed myself and creeping outside the casement close by my bed sat on its
ledge with my feet on the roof of a lower adjoining building It was wet it
was wild it was pitchdark Within the dormitory they gathered round the
nightlamp in consternation praying loud I could not go in too resistless was
the delight of staying with the wild hour black and full of thunder pealing
out such an ode as language never delivered to man too terribly glorious the
spectacle of clouds split and pierced by white and blinding bolts
I did long achingly then and for fourandtwenty hours afterwards for
something to fetch me out of my present existence, and lead me upwards and
onwards This longing and all of a similar kind it was necessary to knock on
the head which I did figuratively after the manner of Jael to Sisera driving
a nail through their temples Unlike Sisera they did not die they were but
transiently stunned and at intervals would turn on the nail with a rebellious
wrench then did the temples bleed and the brain thrill to its core
Tonight I was not so mutinous nor so miserable My Sisera lay quiet in
the tent slumbering and if his pain ached through his slumbers something like
an angel the Ideal knelt near dropping balm on the soothed temples holding
before the sealed eyes a magic glass of which the sweet solemn visions were
repeated in dreams and shedding a reflex from her moonlight wings and robe over
the transfixed sleeper over the tent threshold over all the landscape lying
without Jael the stern woman sat apart relenting somewhat over her captive
but more prone to dwell on the faithful expectation of Heber coming home By
which words I mean that the cool peace and dewy sweetness of the night filled me
with a mood of hope not hope on any definite point but a general sense of
encouragement and heartease
Should not such a mood so sweet so tranquil so unwonted have been the
harbinger of good Alas no good came of it Presently the rude Real burst
coarsely in all evil grovelling and repellent as she too often is
Amid the intense stillness of that pile of stone overlooking the walk the
trees the high wall I heard a sound a casement all the windows here are
casements opening on hinges creaked Ere I had time to look up and mark where
in which story or by whom unclosed a tree overhead shook as if struck by a
missile some object dropped prone at my feet
Nine was striking by St Jean Baptistes clock day was fading but it was
not dark the crescentmoon aided little but the deep gilding of that point in
heaven where the sun beamed last and the crystalline clearness of a wide space
above sustained the summer twilight even in my dark walk I could by
approaching an opening have managed to read print of a small type Easy was it
to see then that the missile was a box a small box of white and coloured ivory
its loose lid opened in my hand violets lay within violets smothering a
closelyfolded bit of pink paper a note superscribed »Pour la robe grise« I
wore indeed a dress of French gray
Good Was this a billetdoux A thing I had heard of but hitherto had not
had the honour of seeing or handling Was it this sort of commodity I held
between my finger and thumb at this moment
Scarcely I did not dream it for a moment Suitor or admirer my very
thoughts had not conceived All the teachers had dreams of some lover one but
she was naturally of a credulous turn believed in a future husband All the
pupils above fourteen knew of some prospective bridegroom two or three were
already affianced by their parents and had been so from childhood but into the
realm of feelings and hopes which such prospects open my speculations far less
my presumptions had never once had warrant to intrude If the other teachers
went into town or took a walk on the boulevards or only attended mass they
were very certain according to the accounts brought back to meet with some
individual of the opposite sex whose rapt earnest gaze assured them of their
power to strike and to attract I cant say that my experience tallied with
theirs in this respect I went to church and I took walks and am very well
convinced that nobody minded me There was not a girl or woman in the Rue
Fossette who could not and did not testify to having received an admiring beam
from our young doctors blue eyes at one time or other I am obliged however
humbling it may sound to except myself as far as I was concerned those blue
eyes were guiltless and calm as the sky to whose tint theirs seemed akin So
it came to pass that I heard the others talk wondered often at their gaiety
security and selfsatisfaction but did not trouble myself to look up and gaze
along the path they seemed so certain of treading This then was no billetdoux
and it was in settled conviction to the contrary that I quietly opened it Thus
it ran I translate
»Angel of my dreams A thousand thousand thanks for the promise kept
scarcely did I venture to hope its fulfilment I believed you indeed to be
half in jest and then you seemed to think the enterprise beset with such danger
the hour so untimely the alley so strictly secluded often you said
haunted by that dragon the English teacher une véritable bégueule Britannique
à ce que vous dîtes espèce de monstre brusque et rude comme un vieux caporal
de grenadiers et revêche comme une religieuse« the reader will excuse my
modesty in allowing this flattering sketch of my amiable self to retain the
slight veil of the original tongue »You are aware« went on this precious
effusion »that little Gustave on account of his illness has been removed to a
masters chamber that favoured chamber whose lattice overlooks your
prisonground There I the best uncle in the world am admitted to visit him
How tremblingly I approached the window and glanced into your Eden an Eden for
me though a desert for you how I feared to behold vacancy or the dragon
aforesaid How my heart palpitated with delight when through apertures in the
envious boughs I at once caught the gleam of your graceful strawhat and the
waving of your gray dress dress that I should recognize amongst a thousand
But why my angel will you not look up Cruel to deny me one ray of those
adorable eyes how a single glance would have revived me I write this in
fiery haste while the physician examines Gustave I snatch an opportunity to
enclose it in a small casket together with a bouquet of flowers the sweetest
that blow yet less sweet than thee my Peri my allcharming Ever thine
thou well knowest whom«
»I wish I did know whom« was my comment and the wish bore even closer
reference to the person addressed in this choice document than to the writer
thereof Perhaps it was from the fiancé of one of the engaged pupils and in
that case there was no great harm done or intended only a small irregularity
Several of the girls the majority indeed had brothers or cousins at the
neighbouring college But »la robe grise le chapeau de paille« here surely
was a clue a very confusing one The strawhat was an ordinary garden
headscreen common to a score besides myself The gray dress hardly gave more
definite indication Madame Beck herself ordinarily wore a gray dress just now
another teacher and three of the pensionnaires had had gray dresses purchased
of the same shade and fabric as mine it was a sort of everyday wear which
happened at that time to be in vogue
Meanwhile as I pondered I knew I must go in Lights moving in the
dormitory announced that prayers were over and the pupils going to bed
Another half hour and all doors would be locked all lights extinguished The
front door yet stood open to admit into the heated house the coolness of the
summer night from the portresses cabinet close by shone a lamp showing the
long vestibule with the twoleaved drawingroom doors on one side the great
streetdoor closing the vista
All at once quick rang the bell quick but not loud a cautious tinkle
a sort of warning metal whisper Rosine darted from her cabinet and ran to
open The person she admitted stood with her two minutes in parley there seemed
a demur a delay Rosine came to the garden door lamp in hand she stood on the
steps lifting her lamp looking round vaguely
»Quel conte« she cried with a coquettish laugh »Personne ny a été«
»Let me pass« pleaded a voice I knew »I ask but five minutes« and a
familiar shape tall and grand as we of the Rue Fossette all thought it
issued from the house and strode down amongst the beds and walks It was
sacrilege the intrusion of a man into that spot at that hour but he knew
himself privileged and perhaps he trusted to the friendly night He wandered
down the alleys looking on this side and on that he was lost in the shrubs
trampling flowers and breaking branches in his search he penetrated at last
the forbidden walk There I met him like some ghost I suppose
»Dr John it is found.«
He did not ask by whom for with his quick eye he perceived that I held it
in my hand
»Do not betray her« he said looking at me as if I were indeed a dragon
»Were I ever so disposed to treachery I cannot betray what I do not know«
was my answer »Read the note and you will see how little it reveals«
»Perhaps you have read it« I thought to myself and yet I could not believe
he wrote it that could hardly be his style besides I was fool enough to think
there would be a degree of hardship in his calling me such names His own look
vindicated him he grew hot and coloured as he read
»This is indeed too much this is cruel this is humiliating« were the
words that fell from him I thought it was cruel when I saw his countenance so
moved No matter whether he was to blame or not somebody it seemed to me must
be more to blame
»What shall you do about it« he inquired of me »Shall you tell Madame Beck
what you have found and cause a stir an esclandre«
I thought I ought to tell and said so adding that I did not believe there
would be either stir or esclandre madame was much too prudent to make a noise
about an affair of that sort connected with her establishment
He stood looking down and meditating He was both too proud and too
honourable to entreat my secrecy on a point which duty evidently commanded me to
communicate I wished to do right yet loathed to grieve or injure him Just
then Rosine glanced out through the open door she could not see us though
between the trees I could plainly see her her dress was gray like mine This
circumstance taken in connection with prior transactions suggested to me that
perhaps the case however deplorable was one in which I was under no obligation
whatever to concern myself Accordingly I said
»If you can assure me that none of Madame Becks pupils are implicated in
this business I shall be very happy to stand aloof from all interference Take
the casket the bouquet and the billet for my part I gladly forget the whole
affair«
»Look there« he whispered suddenly as his hand closed on what I offered
and at the same time he pointed through the boughs
I looked Behold madame in shawl wrappinggown and slippers softly
descending the steps and stealing like a cat round the garden in two minutes
she would have been upon Dr John If she were like a cat however quiet he as
much resembled a leopard nothing could be lighter than his tread when he
chose He watched and as she turned a corner he took the garden at two
noiseless bounds She reappeared and he was gone Rosine helped him instantly
interposing the door between him and his huntress I too might have got away
but I preferred to meet madame openly
Though it was my frequent and wellknown custom to spend twilight in the
garden yet never till now had I remained so late Full sure was I that madame
had missed was come in search of me and designed now to pounce on the
defaulter unawares I expected a reprimand No Madame was all goodness She
tendered not even a remonstrance she testified no shade of surprise With that
comsummate tact of hers in which I believe she was never surpassed by living
thing she even professed merely to have issued forth to taste la brise du soir
»Quelle belle nuit« cried she looking up at the stars the moon was now
gone down behind the broad tower of Jean Baptiste »Quil fait bon que lair
est frais«
And instead of sending me in she detained me to take a few turns with her
down the principal alley When at last we both reentered she leaned affably on
my shoulder by way of support in mounting the frontdoor steps at parting her
cheek was presented to my lips and »Bon soir ma bonne amie dormez bien« was
her kindly adieu for the night
I caught myself smiling as I lay awake and thoughtful on my couch smiling
at madame The unction the suavity of her behaviour offered for one who knew
her a sure token that suspicion of some kind was busy in her brain From some
aperture or summit of observation through parted bough or open window she had
doubtless caught a glimpse remote or near deceptive or instructive of that
nights transactions Finely accomplished as she was in the art of surveillance
it was next to impossible that a casket could be thrown into her garden or an
interloper could cross her walks to seek it without that she in shaken branch
passing shade unwonted footfall or stilly murmur and though Dr John had
spoken very low in the few words he dropped to me yet the hum of his mans
voice pervaded I thought the whole conventual ground without I say that she
should have caught intimation of things extraordinary transpiring on her
premises What things she might by no means see or at that time be able to
discover but a delicious little ravelled plot lay tempting her to
disentanglement and in the midst folded round and round in cobwebs had she
not secured Meess Lucie clumsily involved like the foolish fly she was
Chapter XIII
A Sneeze Out of Season
I had occasion to smile nay to laugh at madame again within the space of
four and twenty hours after the little scene treated of in the last chapter
Villette owns a climate as variable though not so humid as that of any
English town A night of high wind followed upon that soft sunset and all the
next day was one of dry storm dark beclouded yet rainless the streets
were dim with sand and dust whirled from the boulevards I know not that even
lovely weather would have tempted me to spend the eveningtime of study and
recreation where I had spent it yesterday My alley and indeed all the walks
and shrubs in the garden had acquired a new but not a pleasant interest their
seclusion was now become precarious their calm insecure That casement which
rained billets had vulgarized the once dear nook it overlooked and elsewhere
the eyes of the flowers had gained vision and the knots in the treeboles
listened like secret ears Some plants there were indeed trodden down by Dr
John in his search and his hasty and heedless progress which I wished to prop
up water and revive some footmarks too he had left on the beds but these
in spite of the strong wind I found a moments leisure to efface very early in
the morning ere common eyes had discovered them With a pensive sort of
content I sat down to my desk and my German while the pupils settled to their
evening lessons and the other teachers took up their needlework
The scene of the »Etude du soir« was always the refectory a much smaller
apartment than any of the three classes or schoolrooms for here none save the
boarders were ever admitted and these numbered only a score Two lamps hung
from the ceiling over the two tables these were lit at dusk and their kindling
was the signal for schoolbooks being set aside a grave demeanour assumed
general silence enforced and then commenced »la lecture pieuse« This said
»lecture pieuse« was I soon found mainly designed as a wholesome mortification
of the Intellect a useful humiliation of the Reason and such a dose for Common
Sense as she might digest at her leisure and thrive on as she best could
The book brought out it was never changed but when finished recommenced
was a venerable volume old as the hills gray as the Hotel de Ville
I would have given two francs for the chance of getting that book once into
my hands turning over the sacred yellow leaves ascertaining the title and
perusing with my own eyes the enormous figments which as an unworthy heretic
it was only permitted me to drink in with my bewildered ears This book
contained legends of the saints Good God I speak the words reverently what
legends they were What gasconading rascals those saints must have been if they
first boasted these exploits or invented these miracles These legends however
were no more than monkish extravagances over which one laughed inwardly there
were besides priestly matters and the priestcraft of the book was far worse
than its monkery The ears burned on each side of my head as I listened
perforce to tales of moral martyrdom inflicted by Rome the dread boasts of
confessors who had wickedly abused their office trampling to deep degradation
highborn ladies making of countesses and princesses the most tormented slaves
under the sun Stories like that of Conrad and Elizabeth of Hungary recurred
again and again with all its dreadful viciousness sickening tyranny and black
impiety tales that were nightmares of oppression privation and agony
I sat out this »lecture pieuse« for some nights as well as I could and as
quietly too only once breaking off the points of my scissors by involuntarily
sticking them somewhat deep in the wormeaten board of the table before me But
at last it made me so burning hot and my temples and my heart and my wrist
throbbed so fast and my sleep afterwards was so broken with excitement that I
could sit no longer Prudence recommended henceforward a swift clearance of my
person from the place the moment that guilty old book was brought out No Mause
Headrigg ever felt a stronger call to take up her testimony against Sergeant
Bothwell than I to speak my mind in this matter of the popish »lecture
pieuse« However I did manage somehow to curb and rein in and though always
as soon as Rosine came to light the lamps I shot from the room quickly yet
also I did it quietly seizing that vantage moment given by the little bustle
before the dead silence and vanishing whilst the boarders put their books away
When I vanished it was into darkness candles were not allowed to be
carried about and the teacher who forsook the refectory had only the unlit
hall schoolroom or bedroom as a refuge In winter I sought the long
classes and paced them fast to keep myself warm fortunate if the moon shone
and if there were only stars soon reconciled to their dim gleam or even to the
total eclipse of their absence In summer it was never quite dark and then I
went up stairs to my own quarter of the long dormitory opened my own casement
that chamber was lit by five casements large as great doors and leaning out
looked forth upon the city beyond the garden and listened to bandmusic from
the park or the palacesquare thinking meantime my own thoughts living my own
life in my own still shadowworld
This evening fugitive as usual before the Pope and his works I mounted the
staircase approached the dormitory and quietly opened the door which was
always kept carefully shut and which like every other door in this house
revolved noiselessly on welloiled hinges Before I saw I felt that life was in
the great room usually void not that there was either stir or breath or
rustle of sound but Vacuum lacked Solitude was not at home All the white beds
the »lits dange« as they were poetically termed lay visible at a glance
all were empty no sleeper reposed therein The sound of a drawer cautiously
slid out struck my ear stepping a little to one side my vision took a free
range unimpeded by falling curtains I now commanded my own bed and my own
toilet with a locked workbox upon it and locked drawers underneath
Very good A dumpy motherly little body in decent shawl and the cleanest
of possible nightcaps stood before this toilet hard at work apparently doing
me the kindness of tidying out the meuble Open stood the lid of the workbox
open the top drawer duly and impartially was each succeeding drawer opened in
turn not an article of their contents but was lifted and unfolded not a paper
but was glanced over not a little box but was unlidded and beautiful was the
adroitness exemplary the care with which the search was accomplished Madame
wrought at it like a true star »unhasting yet unresting« I will not deny that
it was with a secret glee I watched her Had I been a gentleman I believe
madame would have found favour in my eyes she was so handy neat thorough in
all she did some peoples movements provoke the soul by their loose
awkwardness hers satisfied by their trim compactness I stood in short
fascinated but it was necessary to make an effort to break this spell a
retreat must be beaten The searcher might have turned and caught me there
would have been nothing for it then but a scene and she and I would have had to
come all at once with a sudden clash to a thorough knowledge of each other
down would have gone conventionalities away swept disguises and I should
have looked into her eyes and she into mine we should have known that we
could work together no more and parted in this life for ever
Where was the use of tempting such a catastrophe I was not angry and had
no wish in the world to leave her I could hardly get another employer whose
yoke would be so light and so easy of carriage and truly I liked madame for
her capital sense whatever I might think of her principles as to her system
it did me no harm she might work me with it to her hearts content nothing
would come of the operation Loverless and inexpectant of love I was as safe
from spies in my heartpoverty as the beggar from thieves in his destitution of
purse I turned then and fled descending the stairs with progress as swift
and soundless as that of the spider which at the same instant ran down the
bannister
How I laughed when I reached the schoolroom I knew now she had certainly
seen Dr John in the garden I knew what her thoughts were The spectacle of a
suspicious nature so far misled by its own inventions tickled me much Yet as
the laugh died a kind of wrath smote me and then bitterness followed it was
the rock struck and Meribahs waters gushing out I never had felt so strange
and contradictory an inward tumult as I felt for an hour that evening soreness
and laughter and fire and grief shared my heart between them I cried hot
tears not because madame mistrusted me I did not care twopence for her
mistrust but for other reasons Complicated disquieting thoughts broke up the
whole repose of my nature However that turmoil subsided next day I was again
Lucy Snowe
On revisiting my drawers I found them all securely locked the closest
subsequent examination could not discover change or apparent disturbance in the
position of one object My few dresses were folded as I had left them a certain
little bunch of white violets that had once been silently presented to me by a
stranger a stranger to me for we had never exchanged words and which I had
dried and kept for its sweet perfume between the folds of my best dress lay
there unstirred my black silk scarf my lace chemisettes and collars were
unrumpled Had she creased one solitary article I own I should have felt much
greater difficulty in forgiving her but finding all straight and orderly I
said »Let bygones be bygones I am unharmed why should I bear malice«
A thing there was which puzzled myself and I sought in my brain a key to that
riddle almost as sedulously as madame had sought a guide to useful knowledge in
my toilet drawers How was it that Dr John if he had not been accessory to the
dropping of that casket into the garden should have known that it was dropped
and appeared so promptly on the spot to seek it So strong was the wish to clear
up this point that I began to entertain this daring suggestion
»Why may I not in case I should ever have the opportunity ask Dr John
himself to explain this coincidence«
And so long as Dr John was absent I really believed I had courage to test
him with such a question
Little Georgette was now convalescent and her physician accordingly made
his visits very rare indeed he would have ceased them altogether had not
madame insisted on his giving an occasional call till the child should be quite
well
She came into the nursery one evening just after I had listened to
Georgettes lisped and broken prayer and had put her to bed Taking the little
ones hand she said
»Cette enfant a toujours un peu de fièvre« And presently afterwards
looking at me with a quicker glance than was habitual to her quiet eye »Le
Docteur John latil vue dernièrement Non nest ce pas«
Of course she knew this better than any other person in the house »Well«
she continued »I am going out pour faire quelques courses en fiacre I shall
call on Dr John and send him to the child I will that he sees her this very
evening her cheeks are flushed her pulse is quick you will receive him for
my part I shall be from home«
Now the child was well enough only warm with the warmth of July it was
scarcely less needful to send for a priest to administer extreme unction than
for a doctor to prescribe a dose also madame rarely made courses as she called
them in the evening moreover this was the first time she had chosen to absent
herself on the occasion of a visit from Dr John The whole arrangement
indicated some plan this I saw but without the least anxiety »Ha ha
madame« laughed Lightheart the Beggar »your crafty wits are on the wrong
tack«
She departed attired very smartly in a shawl of price and a certain
chapeau vert tendre hazardous as to its tint for any complexion less fresh
than her own but to her not unbecoming I wondered what she intended whether
she really would send Dr John or not or whether indeed he would come he might
be engaged
Madame had charged me not to let Georgette sleep till the doctor came I had
therefore sufficient occupation in telling her nursery tales and palavering the
little language for her benefit I affected Georgette she was a sensitive and a
loving child to hold her in my lap or carry her in my arms was to me a treat
Tonight she would have me lay my head on the pillow of her crib she even put
her little arms round my neck Her clasp and the nestling action with which she
pressed her cheek to mine made me almost cry with a tender pain Feeling of no
kind abounded in that house this pure little drop from a pure little source was
too sweet it penetrated deep and subdued the heart and sent a gush to the
eyes
Half an hour or an hour passed Georgette murmured in her soft lisp that she
was growing sleepy »And you shall sleep« thought I »malgré maman and médecin
if they are not here in ten minutes«
Hark There was the ring and there the tread astonishing the staircase by
the fleetness with which it left the steps behind Rosine introduced Dr John
and with a freedom of manner not altogether peculiar to herself but
characteristic of the domestics of Villette generally she stayed to hear what
he had to say Madames presence would have awed her back to her own realm of
the vestibule and the cabinet for mine or that of any other teacher or pupil
she cared not a jot Smart trim and pert she stood a hand in each pocket of
her gay grisette apron eyeing Dr John with no more fear or shyness than if he
had been a picture instead of a living gentleman
»Le marmot na rien nest ce pas« said she indicating Georgette with a
jerk of her chin
»Pas beaucoup« was the answer as the doctor hastily scribbled with his
pencil some harmless prescription
»Eh bien« pursued Rosine approaching him quite near while he put up his
pencil »And the box did you get it Monsieur went off like a coup de vent the
other night I had not time to ask him«
»I found it yes«
»And who threw it then« continued Rosine speaking quite freely the very
words I should so much have wished to say but had no address or courage to
bring it out how short some people make the road to a point which for others
seems unattainable
»That may be my secret« rejoined Dr John briefly but with no sort of
hauteur he seemed quite to understand the Rosine or grisette character
»Mais enfin« continued she nothing abashed »monsieur knew it was thrown
since he came to seek it how did he know«
»I was attending a little patient in the college near« said he »and saw it
dropped out of his chamber window and so came to pick it up«
How simple the whole explanation The note had alluded to a physician as
then examining Gustave
»Ah ça« pursued Rosine »Il n y a donc rien làdessous pas de mystère
pas damourette par exemple«
»Pas plus que sur ma main« responded the doctor showing his palm
»Quel dommage« responded the grisette »et moi à qui tout cela commençait
à donner des idées«
»Vraiment vous en êtes pour vos frais« was the doctors cool rejoinder
She pouted The doctor could not help laughing at the sort of moue she made
when he laughed he had something peculiarly goodnatured and genial in his
look I saw his hand incline to his pocket
»How many times have you opened the door for me within this last month« he
asked
»Monsieur ought to have kept count of that« said Rosine quite readily
»As if I had not something better to do« rejoined he but I saw him give
her a piece of gold which she took unscrupulously and then danced off to
answer the doorbell ringing just now every five minutes as the various
servants came to fetch the halfboarders
The reader must not think too hardly of Rosine on the whole she was not a
bad sort of person and had no idea there could be any disgrace in grasping at
whatever she could get or any effrontery in chattering like a pie to the best
gentleman in Christendom
I had learnt something from the above scene besides what concerned the ivory
box viz., that not on the robe de jaconas pink or gray nor yet on the frilled
and pocketted apron lay the blame of breaking Dr Johns heart these items of
array were obviously guiltless as Georgettes little blue tunic So much the
better But who then was the culprit What was the ground what the origin
what the perfect explanation of the whole business Some points had been
cleared but how many yet remained obscure as night
»However« I said to myself »it is no affair of yours« and turning from
the face on which I had been unconsciously dwelling with a questioning gaze I
looked through the window which commanded the garden below Dr John meantime
standing by the bedside was slowly drawing on his gloves and watching his
little patient as her eyes closed and her rosy lips parted in coming sleep I
waited till he should depart as usual with a quick bow and scarce articulate
»good night« Just as he took his hat my eyes fixed on the tall houses
bounding the garden saw the one lattice already commemorated cautiously open
forth from the aperture projected a hand and a white handkerchief both waved I
know not whether the signal was answered from some viewless quarter of our own
dwelling but immediately after there fluttered from the lattice a falling
object white and light billet the second of course
»There« I ejaculated involuntarily
»Where« asked Dr John with energy making direct for the window »What is
it«
»They have gone and done it again« was my reply »A handkerchief waved and
something fell« and I pointed to the lattice now closed and looking
hypocritically blank
»Go at once pick it up and bring it here« was his prompt direction
adding »nobody will take notice of you I should be seen«
Straight I went After some little search I found a folded paper lodged on
the lower branch of a shrub I seized and brought it direct to Dr John This
time I believe not even Rosine saw me
He instantly tore the billet into small pieces without reading it
»It is not in the least her fault you must remember« he said looking at
me
»Whose fault« I asked »Who is it«
»You dont yet know then«
»Not in the least«
»Have you no guess«
»None«
»If I knew you better I might be tempted to risk some confidence and thus
secure you as guardian over a most innocent and excellent but somewhat
inexperienced being«
»As a duenna« I asked
»Yes« said he abstractedly »What snares are round her« he added musingly
and now certainly for the first time he examined my face anxious doubtless
to see if any kindly expression there would warrant him in recommending to my
care and indulgence some ethereal creature against whom powers of darkness were
plotting I felt no particular vocation to undertake the surveillance of
ethereal creatures but recalling the scene at the bureau it seemed to me that
I owed him a good turn if I could help him then I would and it lay not with me
to decide how With as little reluctance as might be I intimated that »I was
willing to do what I could towards taking care of any person in whom he might be
interested«
»I am no farther interested than as a spectator« said he with a modesty
admirable as I thought to witness »I happen to be acquainted with the rather
worthless character of the person who from the house opposite has now twice
invaded the sanctity of this place I have also met in society the object at
whom these vulgar attempts are aimed Her exquisite superiority and innate
refinement ought one would think to scare impertinence from her very idea It
is not so however and innocent unsuspicious as she is I would guard her from
evil if I could In person however I can do nothing I cannot come near her«
he paused
»Well I am willing to help you« said I »only tell me how« And busily in
my own mind I ran over the list of our inmates seeking this paragon this
pearl of great price this gem without flaw »It must be madame« I concluded »
She only amongst us all has the art even to seem superior but as to being
unsuspicious inexperienced etc Dr John need not distract himself about
that However this is just his whim and I will not contradict him he shall be
humoured his angel shall be an angel«
»Just notify the quarter to which my care is to be directed« I continued
gravely chuckling however to myself over the thought of being set to chaperon
Madame Beck or any of her pupils
Now Dr John had a fine set of nerves and he at once felt by instinct what
no more coarsely constituted mind would have detected namely that I was a
little amused at him The colour rose to his cheek with half a smile he turned
and took his hat he was going My heart smote me
»I will I will help you« said I eagerly »I will do what you wish I will
watch over your angel I will take care of her only tell me who she is«
»But you must know« said he then with earnestness yet speaking very low
»So spotless so good so unspeakably beautiful impossible that one house
should contain two like her I allude of course «
Here the latch of Madame Becks chamberdoor opening into the nursery gave
a sudden click as if the hand holding it had been slightly convulsed there was
the suppressed explosion of an irrepressible sneeze These little accidents will
happen to the best of us Madame excellent woman was then on duty She had
come home quietly stolen upstairs on tiptoe she was in her chamber If she
had not sneezed she would have heard all and so should I but that unlucky
sternutation routed Dr John While he stood aghast she came forward alert
composed in the best yet most tranquil spirits no novice to her habits but
would have thought she was just come in and scouted the idea of her ear having
been glued to the keyhole for at least ten minutes She affected to sneeze
again declared she was »enrhumée« and then proceeded volubly to recount her
»courses en fiacre« The prayerbell rang and I left her with the doctor
Chapter XIV
The Fête
As soon as Georgette was well madame sent her away into the country I was
sorry I loved the child and her loss made me poorer than before But I must
not complain I lived in a house full of robust life I might have had
companions and I chose solitude Each of the teachers in turn made me overtures
of special intimacy I tried them all One I found to be an honest woman but a
narrow thinker a coarse feeler and an egotist The second was a Parisienne
externally refined at heart corrupt without a creed without a principle
without an affection having penetrated the outward crust of decorum in this
character you found a slough beneath She had a wonderful passion for presents
and in this point the third teacher a person otherwise characterless and
insignificant closely resembled her This lastnamed had also one other
distinctive property that of avarice In her reigned the love of money for its
own sake The sight of a piece of gold would bring into her eyes a green
glisten singular to witness She once as a mark of high favour took me
upstairs and opening a secret drawer showed me a hoard a mass of coarse
large coin about fifteen guineas in fivefranc pieces She loved this hoard
as a bird loves its eggs These were her savings She would come and talk to me
about them with an infatuated and persevering dotage strange to behold in a
person not yet twentyfive
The Parisienne on the other hand was prodigal and profligate in
disposition that is as to action I do not know That latter quality showed
its snakehead to me but once peeping out very cautiously A curious kind of
reptile it seemed judging from the glimpse I got its novelty whetted my
curiosity if it would have come out boldly perhaps I might philosophically
have stood my ground and coolly surveyed the long thing from forked tongue to
scaly tailtip but it merely rustled in the leaves of a bad novel and on
encountering a hasty and illadvised demonstration of wrath recoiled and
vanished hissing She hated me from that day
This Parisienne was always in debt her salary being anticipated not only
in dress but in perfumes cosmetics confectionery and condiments What a
cold callous epicure she was in all things I see her now Thin in face and
figure sallow in complexion regular in features with perfect teeth lips like
a thread a large prominent chin a wellopened but frozen eye of light at
once craving and ingrate She mortally hated work and loved what she called
pleasure being an insipid heartless brainless dissipation of time
Madame Beck knew this womans character perfectly well She once talked to
me about her with an odd mixture of discrimination indifference and
antipathy I asked why she kept her in the establishment She answered plainly
»because it suited her interest to do so« and pointed out a fact I had already
noticed namely that Mademoiselle St Pierre possessed in an almost unique
degree the power of keeping order amongst her undisciplined ranks of scholars
A certain petrifying influence accompanied and surrounded her without passion
noise or violence she held them in check as a breezeless frostair might still
a brawling stream She was of little use as far as communication of knowledge
went but for strict surveillance and maintenance of rules she was invaluable
»Je sais bien quelle na pas de principes ni peutêtre de moeurs« admitted
madame frankly but added with philosophy »son maintien en classe est toujours
convenable et rempli même dune certaine dignité cest tout ce quil faut Ni
les élèves ni les parents ne regardent plus loin ni par conséquent moi non
plus«
A strange frolicsome noisy little world was this school great pains were
taken to hide chains with flowers a subtle essence of Romanism pervaded every
arrangement large sensual indulgence so to speak was permitted by way of
counterpoise to jealous spiritual restraint Each mind was being reared in
slavery but to prevent reflection from dwelling on this fact every pretext
for physical recreation was seized and made the most of There as elsewhere
the CHURCH strove to bring up her children robust in body feeble in soul fat
ruddy hale joyous ignorant unthinking unquestioning »Eat drink and
live« she says »Look after your bodies leave your souls to me I hold their
cure guide their course I guarantee their final fate« A bargain in which
every true Catholic deems himself a gainer Lucifer just offers the same terms
»All this power will I give thee and the glory of it for that is delivered
unto me and to whomsoever I will I give it If thou therefore wilt worship
me all shall be thine«
About this time in the ripest glow of summer Madame Becks house became
as merry a place as a school could well be All day long the broad foldingdoors
and the twoleaved casements stood wide open settled sunshine seemed
naturalized in the atmosphere clouds were far off sailing away beyond sea
resting no doubt round islands such as England that dear land of mists but
withdrawn wholly from the drier continent We lived far more in the garden than
under a roof classes were held and meals partaken of in the grand berceau
Moreover there was a note of holiday preparation which almost turned freedom
into license The autumnal long vacation was but two months distant but before
that a great day an important ceremony none other than the fête of madame
awaited celebration
The conduct of this fête devolved chiefly on Mademoiselle St Pierre madame
herself being supposed to stand aloof disinterestedly unconscious of what might
be going forward in her honour Especially she never knew never in the least
suspected that a subscription was annually levied on the whole school for the
purchase of a handsome present The polite tact of the reader will please to
leave out of the account a brief secret consultation on this point in madames
own chamber
»What will you have this year« was asked by her Parisian lieutenant
»Oh no matter Let it alone Let the poor children keep their francs« And
madame looked benign and modest
The St Pierre would here protrude her chin she knew madame by heart she
always called her airs of bonté des grimaces She never even professed to
respect them one instant
»Vîte« she would say coldly »Name the article Shall it be jewellery or
porcelain haberdashery or silver«
»Eh bien Deux ou trois cuillers et autant de fourchettes en argent«
And the result was a handsome case containing 300 francs worth of plate
The programme of the fêtedays proceedings comprised Presentation of
plate collation in the garden dramatic performance with pupils and teachers
for actors a dance and supper Very gorgeous seemed the effect of the whole to
me as I well remember Zélie St Pierre understood these things and managed them
ably
The Play was the main point a months previous drilling being there
required The choice too of the actors required knowledge and care then came
lessons in elocution in attitude and then the fatigue of countless rehearsals
For all this as may well be supposed St Pierre did not suffice other
management other accomplishments than hers were requisite here They were
supplied in the person of a master M Paul Emanuel professor of literature
It was never my lot to be present at the histrionic lessons of M Paul but I
often saw him as he crossed the carré a square hall between the dwellinghouse
and schoolhouse I heard him too in the warm evenings lecturing with open
doors and his name with anecdotes of him resounded in ones ears from all
sides Especially our former acquaintance Miss Ginevra Fanshawe who had been
selected to take a prominent part in the play used in bestowing upon me a
large portion of her leisure to lard her discourse with frequent allusions to
his sayings and doings She esteemed him hideously plain and used to profess
herself frightened almost into hysterics at the sound of his step or voice A
dark little man he certainly was pungent and austere Even to me he seemed a
harsh apparition with his closeshorn black head his broad sallow brow his
thin cheek his wide and quivering nostril his thorough glance and hurried
bearing Irritable he was one heard that as he apostrophised with vehemence
the awkward squad under his orders Sometimes he would break out on these raw
amateur actresses with a passion of impatience at their falseness of conception
their coldness of emotion their feebleness of delivery »Ecoutez« he would
cry and then his voice rang through the premises like a trumpet and when
mimicking it came the small pipe of a Ginevra a Mathilde or a Blanche one
understood why a hollow groan of scorn or a fierce hiss of rage rewarded the
tame echo
»Vous nêtes donc que des poupées« I heard him thunder »Vous navez pas de
passions vous autres Vous ne sentez donc rien Votre chair est de neige
votre sang de glace Moi je veux que tout cela sallume quil ait une vie une
âme«
Vain resolve And when he at last found it was vain he suddenly broke the
whole business down Hitherto he had been teaching them a grand tragedy he tore
the tragedy in morsels and came next day with a compact little comic trifle To
this they took more kindly he presently knocked it all into their smooth round
pates
Mademoiselle St Pierre always presided at M Emanuels lessons and I was
told that the polish of her manner her seeming attention her tact and grace
impressed that gentleman very favourably She had indeed the art of pleasing
for a given time whom she would but the feeling would not last in an hour it
was dried like dew vanished like gossamer
The day preceding madames fête was as much a holiday as the fête itself. It
was devoted to clearing out cleaning arranging and decorating the three
schoolrooms All within doors was the gayest bustle neither upstairs nor down
could a quiet isolated person find rest for the sole of her foot accordingly
for my part I took refuge in the garden The whole day did I wander or sit
there alone finding warmth in the sun shelter among the trees and a sort of
companionship in my own thoughts I well remember that I exchanged but two
sentences that day with any living being not that I felt solitary I was glad
to be quiet For a lookeron it sufficed to pass through the rooms once or
twice observe what changes were being wrought how a greenroom and a
dressingroom were being contrived a little stage with scenery erected how M
Paul Emanuel in conjunction with Mademoiselle St Pierre was directing all and
how an eager band of pupils amongst them Ginevra Fanshawe were working gaily
under his control
The great day arrived The sun rose hot and unclouded and hot and unclouded
it burned on till evening All the doors and all the windows were set open
which gave a pleasant sense of summer freedom and freedom the most complete
seemed indeed the order of the day Teachers and pupils descended to breakfast
in dressinggowns and curlpapers anticipating avec délices the toilette of the
evening they seemed to take a pleasure in indulging that forenoon a luxury of
slovenliness like aldermen fasting in preparation for a feast About nine
oclock AM an important functionary the coiffeur arrived Sacrilegeous to
state he fixed his headquarters in the oratory and there in presence of
bénitier candle and crucifix solemnized the mysteries of his art Each girl
was summoned in turn to pass through his hands emerging from them with head as
smooth as a shell intersected by faultless white lines and wreathed about with
Grecian plaits that shone as if lacquered I took my turn with the rest and
could hardly believe what the glass said when I applied to it for information
afterwards the lavish garlandry of woven brown hair amazed me I feared it was
not all my own and it required several convincing pulls to give assurance to
the contrary I then acknowledged in the coiffeur a firstrate artist one who
certainly made the most of indifferent materials
The oratory closed the dormitory became the scene of ablutions arrayings
and bedizenings curiously elaborate To me it was and ever must be an enigma
how they contrived to spend so much time in doing so little The operation
seemed close intricate prolonged the result simple A clear white muslin
dress a blue sash the Virgins colours a pair of white or strawcolour kid
gloves such was the gala uniform to the assumption whereof that houseful of
teachers and pupils devoted three mortal hours But though simple it must be
allowed the array was perfect perfect in fashion fit and freshness every
head being also dressed with exquisite nicety and a certain compact taste
suiting the full firm comeliness of Labassecourien contours though too stiff
for any more flowing and flexile style of beauty the general effect was on
the whole commendable
In beholding this diaphanous and snowy mass I well remember feeling myself
to be a mere shadowy spot on a field of light the courage was not in me to put
on a transparent white dress something thin I must wear the weather and rooms
being too hot to give substantial fabrics sufferance so I had sought through a
dozen shops till I lit upon a crapelike material of purplegray the colour
in short of dun mist lying on a moor in bloom My tailleuse had kindly made it
as well as she could because as she judiciously observed it was »si triste
si peu voyant« care in the fashion was the more imperative it was well she
took this view of the matter for I had no flower no jewel to relieve it and
what was more I had no natural rose of complexion
We become oblivious of these deficiencies in the uniform routine of daily
drudgery but they will force upon us their unwelcome blank on those bright
occasions when beauty should shine
However in this same gown of shadow I felt at home and at ease an
advantage I should not have enjoyed in anything more brilliant or striking
Madame Beck too kept me in countenance her dress was almost as quiet as mine
except that she wore a bracelet and a large brooch bright with gold and fine
stones We chanced to meet on the stairs and she gave me a nod and smile of
approbation Not that she thought I was looking well a point unlikely to
engage her interest but she considered me dressed convenablement décemment
and la Convenance et la Décence were the two calm deities of madames worship
She even paused laid on my shoulder her gloved hand holding an embroidered and
perfumed handkerchief and confided to my ear a sarcasm on the other teachers
whom she had just been complimenting to their faces »Nothing so absurd« she
said »as for des femmes mûres to dress themselves like girls of fifteen quant
à la St Pierre elle a lair dune vieille coquette qui fait lingénue«
Being dressed at least a couple of hours before anybody else I felt a
pleasure in betaking myself not to the garden where servants were busy
propping up long tables placing seats and spreading cloths in readiness for
the collation but to the schoolrooms now empty quiet cool and clean
their walls fresh stained their planked floors fresh scoured and scarce dry
flowers fresh gathered adorning the recesses in pots and draperies fresh hung
beautifying the great windows
Withdrawing to the first classe a smaller and neater room than the others
and taking from the glazed bookcase of which I kept the key a volume whose
title promised some interest I sat down to read The glassdoor of this classe
or schoolroom opened into the large berceau acaciaboughs caressed its panes
as they stretched across to meet a rosebush blooming by the opposite lintel in
this rosebush bees murmured busy and happy I commenced reading Just as the
stilly hum the embowering shade the warm lonely calm of my retreat were
beginning to steal meaning from the page vision from my eyes and to lure me
along the track of reverie down into some deep dell of dreamland just then
the sharpest ring of the streetdoor bell to which that muchtried instrument
had ever thrilled snatched me back to consciousness
Now the bell had been ringing all the morning as workmen or servants or
coiffeurs or tailleuses went and came on their several errands Moreover
there was good reason to expect it would ring all the afternoon since about one
hundred externes were yet to arrive in carriages or fiacres nor could it be
expected to rest during the evening when parents and friends would gather
thronging to the play Under these circumstances a ring even a sharp ring
was a matter of course yet this particular peal had an accent of its own, which
chased my dream and startled my book from my knee
I was stooping to pick up this last when firm fast straight right on
through vestibule along corridor across carré through first division second
division grande salle strode a step quick regular intent The dosed door
of the first classe my sanctuary offered no obstacle it burst open and a
paletot and a bonnet grec filled the void also two eyes first vaguely struck
upon and then hungrily dived into me
»Cest cela« said a voice »Je la connais cest l Anglaise Tant pis
Toute Anglaise et par conséquent toute bégueule quelle soit elle fera mon
affaire ou je saurai pourquoi«
Then with a certain stern politeness I suppose he thought I had not caught
the drift of his previous uncivil mutterings and in a jargon the most
execrable that ever was heard »Meess play you must I am planted there«
»What can I do for you M Paul Emanuel« I inquired for M Paul Emanuel it
was and in a state of no little excitement
»Play you must I will not have you shrink or frown or make the prude I
read your skull that night you came I see your moyens play you can play you
must«
»But how M Paul What do you mean«
»There is no time to be lost« he went on now speaking in French »and let
us thrust to the wall all reluctance all excuses all minauderies You must
take a part«
»In the vaudeville«
»In the vaudeville You have said it«
I gasped horrorstruck What did the little man mean
»Listen« he said »The case shall be stated and you shall then answer me
Yes or No and according to your answer shall I ever after estimate you«
The scarcesuppressed impetus of a most irritable nature glowed in his
cheek fed with sharp shafts his glances a nature the injudicious the
mawkish the hesitating the sullen the affected above all the unyielding
might quickly render violent and implacable Silence and attention was the best
balm to apply I listened
»The whole matter is going to fail« he began »Louise Vanderkelkov has
fallen ill at least so her ridiculous mother asserts for my part I feel sure
she might play if she would it is only goodwill that lacks She was charged
with a rôle as you know or do not know it is equal without that rôle the
play is stopped There are now but a few hours in which to learn it not a girl
in this school would hear reason and accept the task Forsooth it is not an
interesting not an amiable part their vile amourpropre that base quality
of which women have so much would revolt from it Englishwomen are either the
best or the worst of their sex Dieu sait que je les déteste comme la peste
ordinairement« this between his recreant teeth »I apply to an Englishwoman to
rescue me What is her answer Yes or No«
A thousand objections rushed into my mind The foreign language the limited
time the public display Inclination recoiled Ability faltered
Selfrespect that vile quality trembled »Non non non« said all these but
looking up at M Paul and seeing in his vexed fiery and searching eye a sort
of appeal behind all its menace my lips dropped the word oui For a moment
his rigid countenance relaxed with a quiver of content quickly bent up again
however he went on
»Vîte à louvrage Here is the book here is your rôle read« And I read
He did not commend at some passages he scowled and stamped He gave me a
lesson I diligently imitated It was a disagreeable part a mans an
emptyheaded fops One could put into it neither heart nor soul I hated it
The play a mere trifle ran chiefly on the efforts of a brace of rivals to
gain the hand of a fair coquette One lover was called the Ours a good and
gallant but unpolished man a sort of diamond in the rough the other was a
butterfly a talker and a traitor and I was to be the butterfly talker and
traitor
I did my best which was bad I know it provoked M Paul he fumed
Putting both hands to the work I endeavoured to do better than my best I
presume he gave me credit for good intentions he professed to be partially
content »Ça ira« he cried and as voices began sounding from the garden and
white dresses fluttering among the trees he added »You must withdraw you must
be alone to learn this Come with me«
Without being allowed time or power to deliberate I found myself in the
same breath convoyed along as in a species of whirlwind up stairs up two pair
of stairs nay actually up three for this fiery little man seemed as by
instinct to know his way everywhere to the solitary and lofty attic was I
borne put in and locked in the key being on the door and that key he took
with him and vanished
The attic was no pleasant place I believe he did not know how unpleasant it
was or he never would have locked me in with so little ceremony In this summer
weather it was hot as Africa as in winter it was always cold as Greenland
Boxes and lumber filled it old dresses draped its unstained wall cobwebs its
unswept ceiling Well was it known to be tenanted by rats by black beetles and
by cockroaches nay rumour affirmed that the ghostly Nun of the garden had
once been seen here A partial darkness obscured one end across which as for
deeper mystery an old russet curtain was drawn by way of screen to a sombre
band of winter cloaks pendant each from its pin like a malefactor from his
gibbet From amongst these cloaks and behind that curtain the Nun was said to
issue I did not believe this nor was I troubled by apprehension thereof but I
saw a very dark and large rat with a long tail come gliding out from that
squalid alcove and moreover my eye fell on many a black beetle dotting the
floor These objects discomposed me more perhaps than it would be wise to say
as also did the dust lumber and stifling heat of the place The last
inconvenience would soon have become intolerable had I not found means to open
and prop up the skylight thus admitting some freshness Underneath this
aperture I pushed a large empty chest and having mounted upon it a smaller box
and wiped from both the dust I gathered my dress my best the reader must
remember and therefore a legitimate object of care fastidiously round me
ascended this species of extempore throne and being seated commenced the
acquisition of my task while I learned not forgetting to keep a sharp lookout
on the black beetles and cockroaches of which more even I believe than of
the rats I sat in mortal dread
My impression at first was that I had undertaken what it really was
impossible to perform and I simply resolved to do my best and be resigned to
fail I soon found however that one part in so short a piece was not more than
memory could master at a few hours notice I learned and learned on first in a
whisper and then aloud Perfectly secure from human audience I acted my part
before the garretvermin Entering into its emptiness frivolity and falsehood
with a spirit inspired by scorn and impatience I took my revenge on this fat
by making him as fatuitous as I possibly could
In this exercise the afternoon passed day began to glide into evening and
I who had eaten nothing since breakfast grew excessively hungry Now I thought
of the collation which doubtless they were just then devouring in the garden
far below I had seen in the vestibule a basketful of small pâtés à la crême
than which nothing in the whole range of cookery seemed to me better A pâté
or a square of cake it seemed to me would come very apropos and as my relish
for these dainties increased it began to appear somewhat hard that I should
pass my holiday fasting and in prison Remote as was the attic from the
streetdoor and vestibule yet the evertinkling bell was faintly audible here
and also the ceaseless roll of wheels on the tormented pavement I knew that the
house and garden were thronged and that all was gay and glad below here it
began to grow dusk the beetles were fading from my sight I trembled lest they
should steal on me a march mount my throne unseen and unsuspected invade my
skirts Impatient and apprehensive I recommenced the rehearsal of my part
merely to kill time Just as I was concluding the longdelayed rattle of the
key in the lock came to my ear no unwelcome sound M Paul I could just see
through the dusk that it was M Paul for light enough still lingered to show
the velvet blackness of his close shorn head and the sallow ivory of his brow
looked in
»Brava« cried he holding the door open and remaining at the threshold
»Jai tout entendu Cest assez bien Encore«
A moment I hesitated
»Encore« said he sternly »Et point de grimaces A bas la timidité«
Again I went through the part but not half so well as I had spoken it
alone
»Enfin elle le sait« said he half dissatisfied »and one cannot be
fastidious or exacting under the circumstances« Then he added »You may yet
have twenty minutes for preparation au revoir« And he was going
»Monsieur« I called out taking courage
»Eh bien Quest ce que cest mademoiselle«
»Jai bien faim«
»Comment vous avez faim Et la collation«
»I know nothing about it I have not seen it shut up here«
»Ah Cest vrai« cried he
In a moment my throne was abdicated the attic evacuated an inverse
repetition of the impetus which had brought me up into the attic instantly took
me down down down to the very kitchen I thought I should have gone to the
cellar The cook was imperatively ordered to produce food and I as
imperatively was commanded to eat To my great joy this food was limited to
coffee and cake I had feared wine and sweets which I did not like How he
guessed that I should like a petit pâté à la crême I cannot tell but he went
out and procured me one from some quarter With considerable willingness I ate
and drank keeping the petit pâté till the last as a bonne bouche M Paul
superintended my repast and almost forced upon me more than I could swallow
»A la bonne heure« he cried when I signified that I really could take no
more and with uplifted hands implored to be spared the additional roll on
which he had just spread butter »You will set me down as a species of tyrant
and Bluebeard starving women in a garret whereas after all I am no such
thing Now mademoiselle do you feel courage and strength to appear«
I said I thought I did though in truth I was perfectly confused and
could hardly tell how I felt but this little man was of the order of beings who
must not be opposed unless you possessed an alldominant force sufficient to
crush him at once
»Come then« said he offering his hand
I gave him mine and he set off with a rapid walk which obliged me to run
at his side in order to keep pace In the carré he stopped a moment it was lit
with large lamps the wide doors of the classes were open and so were the
equally wide gardendoors orangetrees in tubs and tall flowers in pots
ornamented these portals on each side groups of ladies and gentlemen in
eveningdress stood and walked amongst the flowers Within the long vista of
the schoolrooms presented a thronging undulating murmuring waving streaming
multitude all rose and blue and half translucent white There were lustres
burning overhead far off there was a stage a solemn green curtain a row of
footlights
»Nestce pas que cest beau« demanded my companion
I should have said it was but my heart got up into my throat M Paul
discovered this and gave me a sidescowl and a little shake for my pains
»I will do my best but I wish it was over« said I then I asked »Are we
to walk through that crowd«
»By no means I manage matters better we pass through the gardenhere«
In an instant we were out of doors the cool calm night revived me
somewhat It was moonless but the reflex from the many glowing windows lit the
court brightly and even the alleys dimly Heaven was cloudless and grand
with the quiver of its living fires How soft are the nights of the continent
How bland balmy safe No seafog no chilling damp mistless as noon and
fresh as morning
Having crossed court and garden we reached the glass door of the first
classe It stood open like all other doors that night we passed and then I
was ushered into a small cabinet dividing the first classe from the grande
salle This cabinet dazzled me it was so full of light it deafened me it was
so clamourous with voices it stifled me it was so hot choking thronged
»De lordre Du silence« cried M Paul »Is this chaos« he demanded and
there was a hush With a dozen words and as many gestures he turned out half
the persons present and obliged the remnant to fall into rank Those left were
all in costume they were the performers and this was the greenroom M Paul
introduced me All stared and some tittered It was a surprise they had not
expected the Englishwoman would play in a vaudeville Ginevra Fanshawe
beautifully dressed for her part and looking fascinatingly pretty turned on me
a pair of eyes as round as beads In the highest spirit unperturbed by fear or
bashfulness delighted indeed at the thought of shining off before hundreds my
entrance seemed to transfix her with amazement in the midst of her joy She
would have exclaimed but M Paul held her and all the rest in check
Having surveyed and criticised the whole troop he turned to me
»You too must be dressed for your part«
»Dressed dressed like a man« exclaimed Zélie St Pierre darting forwards
adding with officiousness »I will dress her myself«
To be dressed like a man did not please and would not suit me I had
consented to take a mans name and part as to his dress halte là No I would
keep my own dress come what might M Paul might storm might rage I would
keep my own dress I said so with a voice as resolute in intent as it was low
and perhaps unsteady in utterance
He did not immediately storm or rage as I fully thought he would he stood
silent But Zélie again interposed
»She will make a capital petitmaître Here are the garments all all
complete somewhat too large but I will arrange all that Come chère amie
belle Anglaise«
And she sneered for I was not belle She seized my hand she was drawing me
away M Paul stood impassible neutral
»You must not resist« pursued St Pierre for resist I did »You will spoil
all destroy the mirth of the piece the enjoyment of the company sacrifice
everything to your amourpropre This would be too bad monsieur will never
permit this«
She sought his eye I watched likewise for a glance He gave her one and
then he gave me one »Stop« he said slowly arresting St Pierre who continued
her efforts to drag me after her Everybody awaited the decision He was not
angry not irritated I perceived that and took heart
»You do not like these clothes« he asked pointing to the masculine
vestments
»I dont object to some of them but I wont have them all«
»How must it be then How accept a mans part and go on the stage dressed
as a woman This is an amateur affair it is true a vaudeville de pensionnat
certain modifications I might sanction yet something you must have to announce
you as of the nobler sex«
»And I will monsieur but it must be arranged in my own way nobody must
meddle the things must not be forced upon me Just let me dress myself«
Monsieur without another word took the costume from St Pièrre gave it to
me and permitted me to pass into the dressingroom Once alone I grew calm
and collectedly went to work Retaining my womans garb without the slightest
retrenchment I merely assumed in addition a little vest a collar and cravat
and a paletôt of small dimensions the whole being the costume of a brother of
one of the pupils Having loosened my hair out of its braids made up the long
back hair close and brushed the front hair to one side I took my hat and
gloves in my hand and came out M Paul was waiting and so were the others He
looked at me »That may pass in a Pensionnat« he pronounced Then added not
unkindly »Courage mon ami Un peu de sang froid un peu daplomb M Lucien
et tout ira bien«
St Pierre sneered again in her cold snaky manner
I was irritable because excited and I could not help turning upon her and
saying that if she were not a lady and I a gentleman I should feel disposed to
call her out
»After the play after the play« said M Paul »I will then divide my pair
of pistols between you and we will settle the dispute according to form it
will only be the old quarrel of France and England«
But now the moment approached for the performance to commence M Paul
setting us before him harangued us briefly like a general addressing soldiers
about to charge I dont know what he said except that he recommended each to
penetrate herself well with a sense of her personal insignificance God knows I
thought this advice superfluous for some of us A bell tinkled I and two more
were ushered on to the stage The bell tinkled again I had to speak the very
first words
»Do not look at the crowd nor think of it« whispered M Paul in my ear
»Imagine yourself in the garret acting to the rats«
He vanished The curtain drew up shrivelled to the ceiling the bright
lights the long room the gay throng burst upon us I thought of the black
beetles the old boxes the wormeaten bureaux I said my say badly but I said
it That first speech was the difficulty it revealed to me this fact that it
was not the crowd I feared so much as my own voice Foreigners and strangers
the crowd were nothing to me Nor did I think of them When my tongue once got
free and my voice took its true pitch and found its natural tone I thought of
nothing but the personage I represented and of M Paul who was listening
watching prompting in the sidescenes
Byandby feeling the right power come the spring demanded gush and rise
inwardly I became sufficiently composed to notice my fellowactors Some of
them played very well especially Ginevra Fanshawe who had to coquette between
two suitors and managed admirably in fact she was in her element I observed
that she once or twice threw a certain marked fondness and pointed partiality
into her manner towards me the fop With such emphasis and animation did she
favour me such glances did she dart out into the listening and applauding
crowd that to me who knew her it presently became evident she was acting at
some one and I followed her eye her smile her gesture and ere long
discovered that she had at least singled out a handsome and distinguished aim
for her shafts full in the path of those arrows taller than other spectators
and therefore more sure to receive them stood in attitude quiet but intent a
wellknown form that of Dr John
The spectacle seemed somehow suggestive There was language in Dr Johns
look though I cannot tell what he said it animated me I drew out of it a
history I put my idea into the part I performed I threw it into my wooing of
Ginevra In the Ours or sincere lover I saw Dr John Did I pity him as erst
No I hardened my heart rivalled and outrivalled him I knew myself but a fop
but where he was outcast I could please Now I know I acted as if wishful and
resolute to win and conquer Ginevra seconded me between us we halfchanged the
nature of the rôle gilding it from top to toe Between the acts M Paul told us
he knew not what possessed us and half expostulated »Cest peutêtre plus beau
que votre modèle« said he »mais ce nest pas juste« I know not what possessed
me either but somehow my longing was to eclipse the Ours ie Dr John
Ginevra was tender how could I be otherwise than chivalric Retaining the
letter I recklessly altered the spirit of the rôle Without heart without
interest I could not play it at all It must be played in went the
yearnedfor seasoning thus flavoured I played it with relish
What I felt that night and what I did I no more expected to feel and do
than to be lifted in a trance to the seventh heaven Cold reluctant
apprehensive I had accepted a part to please another ere long warming
becoming interested taking courage I acted to please myself Yet the next day
when I thought it over I quite disapproved of these amateur performances and
though glad that I had obliged M Paul and tried my own strength for once I
took a firm resolution never to be drawn into a similar affair A keen relish
for dramatic expression had revealed itself as part of my nature to cherish and
exercise this newfound faculty might gift me with a world of delight but it
would not do for a mere lookeron at life the strength and longing must be put
by and I put them by and fastened them in with the lock of a resolution which
neither Time nor Temptation has since picked
No sooner was the play over and well over than the choleric and arbitrary
M Paul underwent a metamorphosis His hour of managerial responsibility past
he at once laid aside his magisterial austerity in a moment he stood amongst
us vivacious kind and social shook hands with us all round thanked us
separately and announced his determination that each of us should in turn be
his partner in the coming ball On his claiming my promise I told him I did not
dance »For once I must« was the answer and if I had not slipped aside and
kept out of his way he would have compelled me to this second performance But
I had acted enough for one evening it was time I retired into myself and my
ordinary life My duncoloured dress did well enough under a paletot on the
stage but would not suit a waltz or a quadrille Withdrawing to a quiet nook
whence unobserved I could observe the ball its splendours and its pleasures
passed before me as a spectacle
Again Ginevra Fanshawe was the belle the fairest and the gayest present
she was selected to open the ball very lovely she looked very gracefully she
danced very joyously she smiled Such scenes were her triumphs she was the
child of pleasure Work or suffering found her listless and dejected powerless
and repining but gaiety expanded her butterflys wings lit up their golddust
and bright spots made her flash like a gem and flush like a flower At all
ordinary diet and plain beverage she would pout but she fed on creams and ices
like a hummingbird on honeypaste sweet wine was her element and sweet cake
her daily bread Ginevra lived her full life in a ballroom elsewhere she
drooped dispirited
Think not reader that she thus bloomed and sparkled for the mere sake of
M Paul her partner or that she lavished her best graces that night for the
edification of her companions only or for that of the parents and
grandparents who filled the carré and lined the ballroom under circumstances
so insipid and limited with motives so chilly and vapid Ginevra would scarce
have deigned to walk one quadrille and weariness and fretfulness would have
replaced animation and goodhumour but she knew of a leaven in the otherwise
heavy festal mass which lightened the whole she tasted a condiment which gave
it zest she perceived reasons justifying the display of her choicest
attractions
In the ballroom indeed not a single male spectator was to be seen who was
not married and a father M Paul excepted that gentleman too being the
sole creature of his sex permitted to lead out a pupil to the dance and this
exceptional part was allowed him partly as a matter of oldestablished custom
for he was a kinsman of Madame Becks and high in her confidence partly
because he would always have his own way and do as he pleased and partly
because wilful passionate partial as he might be he was the soul of
honour and might be trusted with a regiment of the fairest and purest in
perfect security that under his leadership they would come to no harm Many of
the girls it may be noted in parenthesis were not pureminded at all very
much otherwise but they no more dare betray their natural coarseness in M
Pauls presence than they dare tread purposely on his corns laugh in his face
during a stormy apostrophe or speak above their breath while some crisis of
irritability was covering his human visage with the mask of an intelligent
tiger M Paul then might dance with whom he would and woe be to the
interference which put him out of step
Others there were admitted as spectators with seeming reluctance
through prayers by influence under restriction by special and difficult
exercise of Madame Becks gracious goodnature and whom she all the evening
with her own personal surveillance kept far aloof at the remotest drearest
coldest darkest side of the carré a small forlorn band of jeunes gens
these being all of the best families grownup sons of mothers present and
whose sisters were pupils in the school That whole evening was madame on duty
beside these jeunes gens attentive to them as a mother but strict with them
as a dragon There was a sort of cordon sketched before them which they wearied
her with prayers to be permitted to pass and just to revive themselves by one
dance with that »belle blonde« or that »jolie brune« or »cette jeune fille
magnifique aux cheveux noirs comme le jais«
»Taisezvous« madame would reply heroically and inexorably »Vous ne
passerez pas à moins que ce ne soit sur mon cadavre et vous ne danserez quavec
la nonnette du jardin« alluding to the legend And she majestically walked to
and fro along their disconsolate and impatient line like a little Buonaparte in
a mousecoloured silk gown
Madame knew something of the world madame knew much of human nature I
dont think that another directress in Villette would have dared to admit a
jeune homme within her walls but madame knew that by granting such admission
on an occasion like the present a bold stroke might be struck and a great
point gained
In the first place the parents were made accomplices to the deed for it
was only through their mediation it was brought about Secondly the admission
of these rattlesnakes so fascinating and so dangerous served to draw out
madame precisely in her strongest character that of a firstrate surveillante
Thirdly their presence furnished a most piquant ingredient to the
entertainment the pupils knew it and saw it and the view of such golden
apples shining afar on animated them with a spirit no other circumstance could
have kindled The childrens pleasure spread to the parents life and mirth
circulated quickly round the ballroom the jeunes gens themselves though
restrained were amused for madame never permitted them to feel dull and thus
Madame Becks fête annually ensured a success unknown to the fête of any other
directress in the land
I observed that Dr John was at first permitted to walk at large through the
classes there was about him a manly responsible look that redeemed his youth
and halfexpiated his beauty but as soon as the ball began madame ran up to
him
»Come Wolf come« said she laughing »You wear sheeps clothing but you
must quit the fold notwithstanding Come I have a fine menagerie of twenty here
in the carré let me place you amongst my collection«
»But first suffer me to have one dance with one pupil of my choice«
»Have you the face to ask such a thing It is madness it is impiety
Sortez sortez et au plus vîte«
She drove him before her and soon had him enclosed within the cordon
Ginevra being I suppose tired with dancing sought me out in my retreat
She threw herself on the bench beside me and a demonstration I could very well
have dispensed with cast her arms round my neck
»Lucy Snowe Lucy Snowe« she cried in a somewhat sobbing voice half
hysterical
»What in the world is the matter« I drily said
»How do I look how do I look tonight« she demanded
»As usual« said I »preposterously vain«
»Caustic creature You never have a kind word for me but in spite of you
and all other envious detractors I know I am beautiful I feel it I see it
for there is a great lookingglass in the dressingroom where I can view my
shape from head to foot Will you go with me now and let us two stand before
it«
»I will Miss Fanshawe you shall be humoured even to the top of your bent«
The dressingroom was very near and we stepped in Putting her arm through
mine she drew me to the mirror Without resistance remonstrance or remark I
stood and let her selflove have its feast and triumph curious to see how much
it could swallow whether it was possible it could feed to satiety whether
any whisper of consideration for others could penetrate her heart and moderate
its vainglorious exultation
Not at all She turned me and herself round she viewed us both on all
sides she smiled she waved her curls she retouched her sash she spread her
dress and finally letting go my arm and curtseying with mock respect she
said
»I would not be you for a kingdom«
The remark was too naïve to rouse anger I merely said
»Very good«
»And what would you give to be ME« she inquired
»Not a bad sixpence strange as it may sound« I replied »You are but a
poor creature«
»You dont think so in your heart«
»No for in my heart you have not the outline of a place I only
occasionally turn you over in my brain«
»Well but« said she in an expostulatory tone »just listen to the
difference of our positions and then see how happy am I and how miserable are
you«
»Go on I listen«
»In the first place I am the daughter of a gentleman of family and though
my father is not rich I have expectations from an uncle Then I am just
eighteen the finest age possible I have had a continental education and
though I cant spell I have abundant accomplishments I am pretty you cant
deny that I may have as many admirers as I choose This very night I have been
breaking the hearts of two gentlemen and it is the dying look I had from one of
them just now which puts me in such spirits I do so like to watch them turn
red and pale and scowl and dart fiery glances at each other and languishing
ones at me There is me happy ME now for you poor soul
I suppose you are nobodys daughter since you took care of little children
when you first came to Villette you have no relations you cant call yourself
young at twentythree you have no attractive accomplishments no beauty As to
admirers you hardly know what they are you cant even talk on the subject you
sit dumb when the other teachers quote their conquests I believe you never were
in love and never will be you dont know the feeling and so much the better
for though you might have your own heart broken no living heart will you ever
break Isnt it all true«
»A good deal of it is true as gospel and shrewd besides There must be good
in you Ginevra to speak so honestly that snake Zélie St Pierre could not
utter what you have uttered Still Miss Fanshawe hapless as I am according to
your showing sixpence I would not give to purchase you body and soul«
»Just because I am not clever and that is all you think of Nobody in the
world but you cares for cleverness«
»On the contrary I consider you are clever in your way very smart
indeed But you were talking of breaking hearts that edifying amusement into
the merits of which I dont quite enter pray on whom does your vanity lead you
to think you have done execution tonight«
She approached her lips to my ear »Isidore and Alfred de Hamal are both
here« she whispered
»Oh they are I should like to see them«
»Theres a dear creature your curiosity is roused at last Follow me I
will point them out«
She proudly led the way »But you cannot see them well from the classes«
said she turning »Madame keeps them too far off Let us cross the garden
enter by the corridor and get close to them behind we shall be scolded if we
are seen but never mind«
For once I did not mind Through the garden we went penetrated into the
corridor by a quiet private entrance and approaching the carré yet keeping in
the corridor shade commanded a near view of the band of jeunes gens
I believe I could have picked out the conquering de Hamal even undirected
He was a straightnosed very correctfeatured little dandy I say little
dandy though he was not beneath the middle standard in stature but his
lineaments were small and so were his hands and feet and he was pretty and
smooth and as trim as a doll so nicely dressed so nicely curled so booted
and gloved and cravated he was charming indeed I said so »What a dear
personage« cried I and commended Ginevras taste warmly and asked her what
she thought de Hamal might have done with the precious fragments of that heart
she had broken whether he kept them in a scentvial and conserved them in
otto of roses I observed too with a deep rapture of approbation that the
colonels hands were scarce larger than Miss Fanshawes own and suggested that
this circumstance might be convenient as he could wear her gloves at a pinch
On his dear curls I told her I doated and as to his low Grecian brow and
exquisite classic headpiece I confessed I had no language to do such
perfections justice
»And if he were your lover« suggested the cruelly exultant Ginevra
»Oh heavens what bliss« said I »but do not be inhuman Miss Fanshawe to
put such thoughts into my head is like showing poor outcast Cain a far glimpse
of Paradise«
»You like him then«
»As I like sweets and jams and comfits and conservatory flowers«
Ginevra admired my taste for all these things were her adoration she could
then readily credit that they were mine too
»Now for Isidore« I went on I own I felt still more curious to see him
than his rival but Ginevra was absorbed in the latter
»Alfred was admitted here tonight« said she »through the influence of his
aunt Madame la Baronne de Dorlodot and now having seen him can you not
understand why I have been in such spirits all the evening and acted so well
and danced with such life and why I am now happy as a queen Dieu Dieu It was
such good fun to glance first at him and then at the other and madden them
both«
»But that other where is he Show me Isidore«
»I dont like«
»Why not«
»I am ashamed of him«
»For what reason«
»Because because« in a whisper »he has such such whiskers orange
red there now«
»The murder is out« I subjoined »Never mind show him all the same I
engage not to faint«
She looked round Just then an English voice spoke behind her and me
»You are both standing in a draught you must leave this corridor«
»There is no draught Dr John« said I turning
»She takes cold so easily« he pursued looking at Ginevra with extreme
kindness »She is delicate she must be cared for fetch her a shawl«
»Permit me to judge for myself« said Miss Fanshawe with hauteur »I want
no shawl«
»Your dress is thin you have been dancing you are heated«
»Always preaching« retorted she »always coddling and admonishing«
The answer Dr John would have given did not come that his heart was hurt
became evident in his eye darkened and saddened and pained he turned a
little aside but was patient I knew where there were plenty of shawls near at
hand I ran and fetched one
»She shall wear this if I have strength to make her« said I folding it
well round her muslin dress covering carefully her neck and her arms »Is that
Isidore« I asked in a somewhat fierce whisper
She pushed up her lip smiled and nodded
»Is that Isidore« I repeated giving her a shake I could have given her a
dozen
»Cest luimême« said she »How coarse he is compared with the
ColonelCount And then oh ciel the whiskers«
Dr John now passed on
»The ColonelCount« I echoed »The doll the puppet the manikin the
poor inferior creature A mere lackey for Dr John his valet his footboy Is
it possible that fine generous gentleman handsome as a vision offers you his
honourable hand and gallant heart and promises to protect your flimsy person
and wretchless mind through the storms and struggles of life and you hang back
you scorn you sting you torture him Have you power to do this Who gave you
that power Where is it Does it lie all in your beauty your pink and white
complexion and your yellow hair Does this bind his soul at your feet and bend
his neck under your yoke Does this purchase for you his affection his
tenderness his thoughts his hopes his interest his noble cordial love and
will you not have it Do you scorn it You are only dissembling you are not in
earnest you love him you long for him but you trifle with his heart to make
him more surely yours«
»Bah How you run on I dont understand half you have said«
I had got her out into the garden ere this I now set her down on a seat and
told her she should not stir till she had avowed which she meant in the end to
accept the man or the monkey
»Him you call the man« said she »is bourgeois sandyhaired and answers
to the name of John cela suffit je nen veux pas Colonel de Hamal is a
gentleman of excellent connections perfect manners sweet appearance with pale
interesting face and hair and eyes like an Italian Then too he is the most
delightful company possible a man quite in my way not sensible and serious
like the other but one with whom I can talk on equal terms who does not
plague and bore and harass me with depths and heights and passions and
talents for which I have no taste There now Dont hold me so fast«
I slackened my grasp and she darted off I did not care to pursue her
Somehow I could not avoid returning once more in the direction of the
corridor to get another glimpse of Dr John but I met him on the garden
steps standing where the light from a window fell broad His wellproportioned
figure was not to be mistaken for I doubt whether there was another in that
assemblage his equal He carried his hat in his hand his uncovered head his
face and fine brow were most handsome and manly His features were not delicate
not slight like those of a woman nor were they cold frivolous and feeble
though well cut they were not so chiselled so frittered away as to lose in
power and significance what they gained in unmeaning symmetry Much feeling
spoke in them at times and more sat silent in his eye Such at least were my
thoughts of him to me he seemed all this An inexpressible sense of wonder
occupied me as I looked at this man and reflected that he could be slighted
It was not my intention to approach or address him in the garden our terms
of acquaintance not warranting such a step I had only meant to view him in the
crowd myself unseen coming upon him thus alone I withdrew But he was
looking out for me or rather for her who had been with me therefore he
descended the steps and followed me down the alley
»You know Miss Fanshawe I have often wished to ask whether you knew her«
said he
»Yes I know her«
»Intimately«
»Quite as intimately as I wish«
»What have you done with her now«
»Am I her keeper« I felt inclined to ask but I simply answered »I have
shaken her well and would have shaken her better but she escaped out of my
hands and ran away«
»Would you favour me« he asked »by watching over her this one evening and
observing that she does nothing imprudent does not for instance run out into
the nightair immediately after dancing«
»I may perhaps look after her a little since you wish it but she likes
her own way too well to submit readily to control«
»She is so young so thoroughly artless« said he
»To me she is an enigma« I responded
»Is she« he asked much interested »How«
»It would be difficult to say how difficult at least to tell you how«
»And why me«
»I wonder she is not better pleased that you are so much her friend«
»But she has not the slightest idea how much I am her friend That is
precisely the point I cannot teach her May I inquire did she ever speak of me
to you«
»Under the name of Isidore she has talked about you often but I must add
that it is only within the last ten minutes I have discovered that you and
Isidore are identical It is only Dr John within that brief space of time I
have learned that Ginevra Fanshawe is the person under this roof in whom you
have long been interested that she is the magnet which attracts you to the Rue
Fossette that for her sake you venture into this garden and seek out caskets
dropped by rivals«
»You know all«
»I know so much«
»For more than a year I have been accustomed to meet her in society Mrs
Cholmondeley her friend is an acquaintance of mine thus I see her every
Sunday But you observed that under the name of Isidore she often spoke of me
may I without inviting you to a breach of confidence inquire what was the
tone what the feeling of her remarks I feel somewhat anxious to know being a
little tormented with uncertainty as to how I stand with her«
»Oh she varies she shifts and changes like the wind«
»Still you can gather some general idea «
»I can« thought I »but it would not do to communicate that general idea to
you Besides if I said she did not love you I know you would not believe me«
»You are silent« he pursued »I suppose you have no good news to impart No
matter If she feels for me positive coldness and aversion it is a sign I do
not deserve her«
»Do you doubt yourself Do you consider yourself the inferior of Colonel de
Hamal«
»I love Miss Fanshawe far more than de Hamal loves any human being and
would care for and guard her better than he Respecting de Hamal I fear she is
under an illusion the mans character is known to me all his antecedents all
his scrapes He is not worthy of your beautiful young friend«
»My beautiful young friend ought to know that and to know or feel who is
worthy of her« said I »If her beauty or her brains will not serve her so far
she merits the sharp lesson of experience.«
»Are you not a little severe«
»I am excessively severe more severe than I choose to show you You should
hear the strictures with which I favour my beautiful young friend only that you
would be unutterably shocked at my want of tender considerateness for her
delicate nature«
»She is so lovely one cannot but be loving towards her You every woman
older than herself must feel for such a simple innocent girlish fairy a sort
of motherly or eldersisterly fondness Graceful angel Does not your heart
yearn towards her when she pours into your ear her pure childlike confidences
How you are privileged« And he sighed
»I cut short these confidences somewhat abruptly now and then« said I »But
excuse me Dr John may I change the theme for one instant What a godlike
person is that de Hamal What a nose on his face perfect Model one in putty
or clay you could not make a better or straighter or neater and then such
classic lips and chin and his bearing sublime«
»De Hamal is an unutterable puppy besides being a very whitelivered hero«
»You Dr John and every man of a less refined mould than he must feel for
him a sort of admiring affection such as Mars and the coarser deities may be
supposed to have borne the young graceful Apollo«
»An unprincipled gambling little jackanapes« said Dr John curtly »whom
with one hand I could lift up by the waistband any day and lay low in the
kennel if I liked«
»The sweet seraph« said I »What a cruel idea Are you not a little severe
Dr John«
And now I paused For the second time that night I was going beyond myself
venturing out of what I looked on as my natural habits speaking in an
unpremeditated impulsive strain which startled me strangely when I halted to
reflect On rising that morning had I anticipated that before night I should
have acted the part of a gay lover in a vaudeville and an hour after frankly
discussed with Dr John the question of his hapless suit and rallied him on his
illusions I had no more presaged such feats than I had looked forward to an
ascent in a balloon or a voyage to Cape Horn
The Doctor and I having paced down the walk were now returning the reflex
from the window again lit his face he smiled but his eye was melancholy How I
wished that he could feel heartsease How I grieved that he brooded over pain
and pain from such a cause He with his great advantages he to love in vain I
did not then know that the pensiveness of reverse is the best phase for some
minds nor did I reflect that some herbs »though scentless when entire yield
fragrance when theyre bruised«
»Do not be sorrowful do not grieve« I broke out »If there is in Ginevra
one spark of worthiness of your affection she will she must feel devotion in
return Be cheerful be hopeful Dr John Who should hope if not you«
In return for this speech I got what it must be supposed I deserved a
look of some surprise I thought also of some disapprobation We parted and I
went into the house very chill The clocks struck and the bells tolled midnight
people were leaving fast the fête was over the lamps were fading In another
hour all the dwellinghouse and all the Pensionnat were dark and hushed I too
was in bed but not asleep To me it was not easy to sleep after a day of such
excitement
Chapter XV
The Long Vacation
Following Madame Becks fête with its three preceding weeks of relaxation its
brief twelve hours burst of hilarity and dissipation and its one subsequent
day of utter languor came a period of reaction two months of real application
of close hard study These two months being the last of the année scolaire
were indeed the only genuine working months in the year To them was
procrastinated into them concentrated alike by professors mistresses and
pupils the main burden of preparation for the examinations preceding the
distribution of prizes Candidates for rewards had then to work in good earnest
masters and teachers had to set their shoulders to the wheel to urge on the
backward and diligently aid and train the more promising A showy demonstration
a telling exhibition must be got up for public view and all means were fair
to this end
I scarcely noted how the other teachers went to work I had my own business
to mind and my task was not the least onerous being to embue some ninety sets
of brains with a due tincture of what they considered a most complicated and
difficult science that of the English language and to drill ninety tongues in
what for them was an almost impossible pronounciation the lisping and
hissing dentals of the isles
The examinationday arrived Awful day Prepared for with anxious care
dressed for with silent despatch nothing vaporous or fluttering now no white
gauze or azure streamers the grave close compact was the order of the
toilette It seemed to me that I was this day especially doomed the main
burden and trial falling on me alone of all the female teachers The others were
not expected to examine in the studies they taught the professor of literature
M Paul taking upon himself this duty He this schoolautocrat gathered all
and sundry reins into the hollow of his one hand he irefully rejected any
colleague he would not have help Madame herself who evidently rather wished
to undertake the examination in geography her favourite study which she
taught well was forced to succumb and be subordinate to her despotic
kinsmans direction The whole staff of instructors male and female he set
aside and stood on the examiners estrade alone It irked him that he was
forced to make one exception to this rule He could not manage English he was
obliged to leave that branch of education in the English teachers hands which
he did not without a flash of naïve jealousy
A constant crusade against the amourpropre of every humanbeing but
himself was the crotchet of this able but fiery and grasping little man He
had a strong relish for public representation in his own person but an extreme
abhorrence of the like display in any other He quelled he kept down when he
could and when he could not he fumed like a bottled storm
On the evening preceding the examinationday I was walking in the garden
as were the other teachers and all the boarders M Emanuel joined me in the
allée défendue his cigar was at his lips his paletot a most characteristic
garment of no particular shape hung dark and menacing the tassel of his
bonnet grec sternly shadowed his left temple his black whiskers curled like
those of a wrathful cat his blue eye had a cloud in its glitter
»Ainsi« he began abruptly fronting and arresting me »vous allez trôner
comme une reine domain trôner à mes côtés Sans doute vous savourez davance
les délices de lautorité Je crois voir en vous je ne sais quoi de rayonnante
petite ambitieuse«
Now the fact was he happened to be entirely mistaken I did not could not
estimate the admiration or the good opinion of tomorrows audience at the
same rate he did Had that audience numbered as many personal friends and
acquaintance for me as for him I know not how it might have been I speak of
the case as it stood On me schooltriumphs shed but a cold lustre I had
wondered and I wondered now how it was that for him they seemed to shine as
with hearthwarmth and hearthglow He cared for them perhaps too much I
probably too little However I had my own fancies as well as he I liked for
instance to see M Emanuel jealous it lit up his nature and woke his spirit
it threw all sorts of queer lights and shadows over his dun face and into his
violetazure eyes he used to say that his black hair and blue eyes were »une de
ses beautés« There was a relish in his anger it was artless earnest quite
unreasonable but never hypocritical I uttered no disclaimer then of the
complacency he attributed to me I merely asked where the English examination
was to come in whether at the commencement or close of the day
»I hesitate« said he »whether at the very beginning before many persons
are come and when your aspiring nature will not be gratified by a large
audience or quite at the close when everybody is tired and only a jaded and
wornout attention will be at your service«
»Que vous êtes dur monsieur« I said affecting dejection
»One ought to be dur with you You are one of those beings who must be kept
down I know you I know you Other people in this house see you pass and think
that a colourless shadow has gone by As for me I scrutinized your face once
and it sufficed«
»You are satisfied that you understand me«
Without answering directly he went on »Were you not gratified when you
succeeded in that vaudeville I watched you and saw a passionate ardour for
triumph in your physiognomy What fire shot into the glance Not mere light but
flame je me tins pour averti«
»What feeling I had on that occasion monsieur and pardon me if I say
you immensely exaggerate both its quality and quantity was quite abstract I
did not care for the vaudeville I hated the part you assigned me I had not the
slightest sympathy with the audience below the stage They are good people
doubtless but do I know them Are they anything to me Can I care for being
brought before their view again tomorrow Will the examination be anything but
a task to me a task I wish well over«
»Shall I take it out of your hands«
»With all my heart if you do not fear failure«
»But I should fail I only know three phrases of English and a few words
par exemple de sonn de mone de stare est ce bien dit My opinion is that it
would be better to give up the thing altogether to have no English examination
eh«
»If madame consents I consent«
»Heartily«
»Very heartily«
He smoked his cigar in silence He turned suddenly
»Donnezmoi la main« said he and the spite and jealousy melted out of his
face and a generous kindliness shone there instead
»Come we will not be rivals we will be friends« he pursued »The
examination shall take place and I will choose a good moment and instead of
vexing and hindering as I felt half inclined ten minutes ago for I have my
malevolent moods I always had from childhood I will aid you sincerely After
all you are solitary and a stranger and have your way to make and your bread
to earn it may be well that you should become known We will be friends do you
agree«
»Out of my heart monsieur I am glad of a friend I like that better than a
triumph«
»Pauvrette« said he and turned away and left the alley
The examination passed over well M Paul was as good as his word and did
his best to make my part easy The next day came the distribution of prizes
that also passed the school broke up the pupils went home and now began the
long vacation
That vacation Shall I ever forget it I think not Madame Beck went the
first day of the holidays to join her children at the seaside all the three
teachers had parents or friends with whom they took refuge every professor
quitted the city some went to Paris some to Bouemarine M Paul set forth on a
pilgrimage to Rome the house was left quite empty but for me a servant and a
poor deformed and imbecile pupil a sort of crétin whom her stepmother in a
distant province would not allow to return home
My heart almost died within me miserable longings strained its chords How
long were the September days How silent how lifeless How vast and void seemed
the desolate premises How gloomy the forsaken garden gray now with the dust
of a townsummer departed Looking forward at the commencement of those eight
weeks I hardly knew how I was to live to the end My spirits had long been
gradually sinking now that the prop of employment was withdrawn they went down
fast Even to look forward was not to hope the dumb future spoke no comfort
offered no promise gave no inducement to bear present evil in reliance on
future good A sorrowful indifference to existence often pressed on me a
despairing resignation to reach betimes the end of all things earthly Alas
When I had full leisure to look on life as life must be looked on by such as me
I found it but a hopeless desert tawny sands with no green field no
palmtree no well in view The hopes which are dear to youth which bear it up
and lead it on I knew not and dared not know If they knocked at my heart
sometimes an inhospitable bar to admission must be inwardly drawn When they
turned away thus rejected tears sad enough sometimes flowed but it could not
be helped I dared not give such guests lodging So mortally did I fear the sin
and weakness of presumption
Religious reader you will preach to me a long sermon about what I have just
written and so will you moralist and you stern sage you stoic will frown
you cynic sneer you epicure laugh Well each and all take it your own
way I accept the sermon frown sneer and laugh perhaps you are all right and
perhaps circumstanced like me you would have been like me wrong The first
month was indeed a long black heavy month to me
The crétin did not seem unhappy I did my best to feed her well and keep her
warm and she only asked food and sunshine or when that lacked fire Her weak
faculties approved of inertion her brain her eyes her ears her heart slept
content they could not wake to work so lethargy was their Paradise
Three weeks of that vacation were hot fair and dry but the fourth and
fifth were tempestuous and wet I do not know why that change in the atmosphere
made a cruel impression on me why the raging storm and beating rain crushed me
with a deadlier paralysis than I had experienced while the air remained serene
but so it was and my nervous system could hardly support what it had for many
days and nights to undergo in that huge empty house How I used to pray to
Heaven for consolation and support With what dread force the conviction would
grasp me that Fate was my permanent foe never to be conciliated I did not in
my heart arraign the mercy or justice of God for this I concluded it to be a
part of his great plan that some must deeply suffer while they live and I
thrilled in the certainty that of this number I was one
It was some relief when an aunt of the crétin a kind old woman came one
day and took away my strange deformed companion The hapless creature had been
at times a heavy charge I could not take her out beyond the garden and I could
not leave her a minute alone for her poor mind like her body was warped its
propensity was to evil A vague bent to mischief an aimless malevolence made
constant vigilance indispensable As she very rarely spoke and would sit for
hours together moping and mowing and distorting her features with indescribable
grimaces it was more like being prisoned with some strange tameless animal
than associating with a human being Then there were personal attentions to be
rendered which required the nerve of a hospital nurse my resolution was so
tried it sometimes fell deadsick These duties should not have fallen on me a
servant now absent had rendered them hitherto and in the hurry of holiday
departure no substitute to fill this office had been provided This tax and
trial were by no means the least I have known in life Still menial and
distasteful as they were my mental pain was far more wasting and wearing
Attendance on the crétin deprived me often of the power and inclination to
swallow a meal and sent me faint to the fresh air and the well or fountain in
the court but this duty never wrung my heart or brimmed my eyes or scalded my
cheek with tears hot as molten metal
The crétin being gone I was free to walk out At first I lacked courage to
venture very far from the Rue Fossette but by degrees I sought the citygates
and passed them and then went wandering away far along chaussées through
fields beyond cemeteries Catholic and Protestant beyond farmsteads to lanes
and little woods and I know not where A goad thrust me on a fever forbade me
to rest a want of companionship maintained in my soul the cravings of a most
deadly famine I often walked all day through the burning noon and the arid
afternoon and the dusk evening and came back with moonrise
While wandering in solitude I would sometimes picture the present probable
position of others my acquaintance There was Madame Beck at a cheerful
wateringplace with her children her mother and a whole troop of friends who
had sought the same scene of relaxation Zélie St Pierre was at Paris with her
relatives the other teachers were at their homes There was Ginevra Fanshawe
whom certain of her connections had carried on a pleasant tour southward
Ginevra seemed to me the happiest She was on the route of beautiful scenery
these September suns shone for her on fertile plains where harvest and vintage
matured under their mellow beam These gold and crystal moons rose on her vision
over blue horizons waved in mountain lines
But all this was nothing I too felt those autumn suns and saw those harvest
moons and I almost wished to be covered in with earth and turf deep out of
their influence for I could not live in their light nor make them comrades
nor yield them affection But Ginevra had a kind of spirit with her empowered
to give constant strength and comfort to gladden daylight and embalm darkness
the best of the good genii that guard humanity curtained her with his wings and
canopied her head with his bending form By True Love was Ginevra followed
never could she be alone Was she insensible to this presence It seemed to me
impossible I could not realize such deadness I imagined her grateful in
secret loving now with reserve but purposing one day to show how much she
loved I pictured her faithful hero half conscious of her coy fondness and
comforted by that consciousness: I conceived an electric chord of sympathy
between them a fine chain of mutual understanding sustaining union through a
separation of a hundred leagues carrying across mound and hollow
communication by prayer and wish Ginevra gradually became with me a sort of
heroine One day perceiving this growing illusion I said »I really believe my
nerves are getting overstretched my mind has suffered somewhat too much a
malady is growing upon it what shall I do How shall I keep well«
Indeed there was no way to keep well under the circumstances At last a day
and night of peculiarly agonizing depression were succeeded by physical illness
I took perforce to my bed About this time the Indian summer closed and the
equinoctial storms began and for nine dark and wet days of which the Hours
rushed on all turbulent deaf dishevelled bewildered with sounding hurricane
I lay in a strange fever of the nerves and blood Sleep went quite away I
used to rise in the night look round for her beseech her earnestly to return
A rattle of the window a cry of the blast only replied Sleep never came
I err She came once but in anger Impatient of my importunity she brought
with her an avenging dream By the clock of St Jean Baptiste that dream
remained scarce fifteen minutes a brief space but sufficing to wring my whole
frame with unknown anguish to confer a nameless experience that had the hue
the mien the terror the very tone of a visitation from eternity Between
twelve and one that night a cup was forced to my lips black strong strange
drawn from no well but filled up seething from a bottomless and boundless sea
Suffering brewed in temporal or calculable measure and mixed for mortal lips
tastes not as this suffering tasted Having drunk and woke I thought all was
over the end come and past by Trembling fearfully as consciousness returned
ready to cry out on some fellowcreature to help me only that I knew no
fellowcreature was near enough to catch the wild summons Goton in her far
distant attic could not hear I rose on my knees in bed Some fearful hours
went over me indescribably was I torn racked and oppressed in mind Amidst the
horrors of that dream I think the worst lay here Methought the wellloved dead
who had loved me well in life met me elsewhere alienated galled was my inmost
spirit with an unutterable sense of despair about the future Motive there was
none why I should try to recover or wish to live and yet quite unendurable was
the pitiless and haughty voice in which Death challenged me to engage his
unknown terrors When I tried to pray I could only utter these words
»From my youth up Thy terrors have I suffered with a troubled mind«
Most true was it
On bringing me my tea next morning Goton urged me to call in a doctor I
would not I thought no doctor could cure me
One evening and I was not delirious I was in my sane mind I got up I
dressed myself weak and shaking The solitude and the stillness of the long
dormitory could not be borne any longer the ghastly white beds were turning
into spectres the coronal of each became a deaths head huge and sunbleached
dead dreams of an elder world and mightier race lay frozen in their wide
gaping eyeholes That evening more firmly than ever fastened into my soul the
conviction that Fate was of stone and Hope a false idol blind bloodless and
of granite core I felt too that the trial God had appointed me was gaining
its climax and must now be turned by my own hands hot feeble trembling as
they were It rained still and blew but with more clemency I thought than it
had poured and raged all day Twilight was falling and I deemed its influence
pitiful from the lattice I saw coming nightclouds trailing low like banners
drooping It seemed to me that at this hour there was affection and sorrow in
Heaven above for all pain suffered on earth beneath the weight of my dreadful
dream became alleviated that insufferable thought of being no more loved no
more owned halfyielded to hope of the contrary I was sure this hope would
shine clearer if I got out from under this houseroof which was crushing as the
slab of a tomb and went outside the city to a certain quiet hill a long way
distant in the fields Covered with a cloak I could not be delirious for I had
sense and recollection to put on warm clothing forth I set The bells of a
church arrested me in passing they seemed to call me in to the salut and I
went in Any solemn rite any spectacle of sincere worship any opening for
appeal to God was as welcome to me then as bread to one in extremity of want I
knelt down with others on the stone pavement It was an old solemn church its
pervading gloom not gilded but purpled by light shed through stained glass
Few worshippers were assembled and the salut over half of them departed I
discovered soon that those left remained to confess I did not stir Carefully
every door of the church was shut a holy quiet sank upon and a solemn shade
gathered about us After a space breathless and spent in prayer a penitent
approached the confessional I watched She whispered her avowal her shrift was
whispered back she returned consoled Another went and another A pale lady
kneeling near me said in a low kind voice
»Go you now I am not quite prepared«
Mechanically obedient I rose and went I knew what I was about my mind had
run over the intent with lightningspeed To take this step could not make me
more wretched than I was it might soothe me
The priest within the confessional never turned his eyes to regard me he
only quietly inclined his ear to my lips He might be a good man but this duty
had become to him a sort of form he went through it with the phlegm of custom
I hesitated of the formula of confession I was ignorant instead of commencing
them with the prelude usual I said
»Mon père je suis Protestante«
He directly turned He was not a native priest of that class the cast of
physiognomy is almost invariably grovelling I saw by his profile and brow he
was a Frenchman though gray and advanced in years he did not I think lack
either feeling or intelligence He inquired not unkindly why being a
Protestant I came to him
I said I was perishing for a word of advice or an accent of comfort I had
been living for some weeks quite alone I had been ill I had a pressure of
affliction on my mind of which it would hardly any longer endure the weight
»Was it a sin a crime« he inquired somewhat startled
I reassured him on this point and as well as I could I showed him the
mere outline of my experience
He looked thoughtful surprised puzzled »You take me unawares« said he
»I have not had such a case as yours before ordinarily we know our routine and
are prepared but this makes a great break in the common course of confession I
am hardly furnished with counsel fitting the circumstances«
Of course I had not expected he would be but the mere relief of
communication in an ear which was human and sentient yet consecrated the mere
pouring out of some portion of long accumulating long pentup pain into a
vessel whence it could not be again diffused had done me good I was already
solaced
»Must I go father« I asked of him as he sat silent
»My daughter« he said kindly and I am sure he was a kind man he had a
compassionate eye »for the present you had better go but I assure you your
words have struck me Confession like other things is apt to become formal and
trivial with habit You have come and poured your heart out a thing seldom
done I would fain think your case over and take it with me to my oratory Were
you of our faith I should know what to say a mind so tossed can find repose
but in the bosom of retreat and the punctual practice of piety The world it
is well known has no satisfaction for that class of natures Holy men have
bidden penitents like you to hasten their path upward by penance selfdenial
and difficult good works Tears are given them here for meat and drink bread
of affliction and waters of affliction their recompense comes hereafter It is
my own conviction that these impressions under which you are smarting are
messengers from God to bring you back to the true church You were made for our
faith depend upon it our faith alone could heal and help you Protestantism is
altogether too dry cold prosaic for you The further I look into this matter
the more plainly I see it is entirely out of the common order of things On no
account would I lose sight of you Go my daughter for the present but return
to me again«
I rose and thanked him I was withdrawing when he signed me to return
»You must not come to this church« said he »I see you are ill and this
church is too cold you must come to my house I live « and he gave me his
address »Be there tomorrow morning at ten«
In reply to this appointment I only bowed and pulling down my veil and
gathering round me my cloak I glided away
Did I do you suppose reader contemplate venturing again within that
worthy priests reach As soon should I have thought of walking into a
Babylonish furnace That priest had arms which could influence me he was
naturally kind with a sentimental French kindness to whose softness I knew
myself not wholly impervious Without respecting some sorts of affection there
was hardly any sort having a fibre of root in reality, which I could rely on my
force wholly to withstand Had I gone to him he would have shown me all that
was tender and comforting and gentle in the honest popish superstition Then
he would have tried to kindle blow and stir up in me the zeal of good works I
know not how it would all have ended We all think ourselves strong in some
points we all know ourselves weak in many the probabilities are that had I
visited Numero 10 Rue des Mages at the hour and day appointed I might just
now instead of writing this heretic narrative be counting my beads in the cell
of a certain Carmelite convent on the Boulevard of Crécy in Villette There was
something of Fénélon about that benign old priest and whatever most of his
brethren may be and whatever I may think of his Church and creed and I like
neither of himself I must ever retain a grateful recollection He was kind
when I needed kindness he did me good May Heaven bless him
Twilight had passed into night and the lamps were lit in the streets ere I
issued from that sombre church To turn back was now become possible to me the
wild longing to breathe this October wind on the little hill far without the
citywalls had ceased to be an imperative impulse and was softened into a wish
with which Reason could cope she put it down and I turned as I thought to
the Rue Fossette But I had become involved in a part of the city with which I
was not familiar it was the old part and full of narrow streets of
picturesque ancient and mouldering houses I was much too weak to be very
collected and I was still too careless of my own welfare and safety to be
cautious I grew embarrassed I got immeshed in a network of turns unknown I
was lost and had no resolution to ask guidance of any passenger
If the storm had lulled a little at sunset it made up now for lost time
Strong and horizontal thundered the current of the wind from northwest to
southeast it brought rain like spray and sometimes a sharp hail like shot
it was cold and pierced me to the vitals I bent my head to meet it but it beat
me back My heart did not fail at all in this conflict I only wished that I had
wings and could ascend the gale spread and repose my pinions on its strength
career in its course sweep where it swept While wishing this I suddenly felt
colder where before I was cold and more powerless where before I was weak I
tried to reach the porch of a great building near but the mass of frontage and
the giantspire turned black and vanished from my eyes Instead of sinking on
the steps as I intended I seemed to pitch headlong down an abyss I remember no
more
Chapter XVI
Auld Lang Syne
Where my soul went during that swoon I cannot tell Whatever she saw or
wherever she travelled in her trance on that strange night she kept her own
secret never whispering a word to Memory and baffling Imagination by an
indissoluble silence She may have gone upward and come in sight of her eternal
home hoping for leave to rest now and deeming that her painful union with
matter was at last dissolved While she so deemed an angel may have warned her
away from heavens threshold and guiding her weeping down have bound her
once more all shuddering and unwilling to that poor frame cold and wasted of
whose companionship she was grown more than weary
I know she reentered her prison with pain with reluctance with a moan and
a long shiver The divorced mates Spirit and Substance were hard to reunite
they greeted each other not in an embrace but a racking sort of struggle The
returning sense of sight came upon me red as if it swam in blood suspended
hearing rushed back loud like thunder consciousness revived in fear I sat up
appalled wondering into what region amongst what strange beings I was waking
At first I knew nothing I looked on a wall was not a wall a lamp not a lamp
I should have understood what we call a ghost as well as I did the commonest
object which is another way of intimating that all my eye rested on struck it
as spectral But the faculties soon settled each in its place the lifemachine
presently resumed its wonted and regular working
Still I knew not where I was only in time I saw I had been removed from
the spot where I fell I lay on no porticostep night and tempest were excluded
by walls windows and ceiling Into some house I had been carried but what
house
I could only think of the pensionnat in the Rue Fossette Still
halfdreaming I tried hard to discover in what room they had put me whether
the great dormitory or one of the little dormitories I was puzzled because I
could not make the glimpses of furniture I saw accord with my knowledge of any
of these apartments The empty white beds were wanting and the long line of
large windows »Surely« thought I »it is not to Madame Becks own chamber they
have carried me« And here my eye fell on an easy chair covered with blue
damask Other seats cushioned to match dawned on me by degrees and at last I
took in the complete fact of a pleasant parlour with a woodfire on a
clearshining hearth a carpet where arabesques of bright blue relieved a ground
of shaded fawn pale walls over which a slight but endless garland of azure
forgetmenots ran mazed and bewildered amongst myriad gold leaves and tendrils
A gilded mirror filled up the space between two windows curtained amply with
blue damask In this mirror I saw myself laid not in bed but on a sofa I
looked spectral my eyes larger and more hollow my hair darker than was
natural by contrast with my thin and ashen face It was obvious not only from
the furniture but from the position of windows doors and fireplace that
this was an unknown room in an unknown house
Hardly less plain was it that my brain was not yet settled for as I gazed
at the blue armchair it appeared to grow familiar so did a certain
scrollcouch and not less so the round centretable with a blue covering
bordered with autumntinted foliage and above all two little footstools with
worked covers and a small ebonyframed chair of which the seat and back were
also worked with groups of brilliant flowers on a dark ground
Struck with these things I explored further Strange to say old
acquaintance were all about me and »auld lang syne« smiled out of every nook
There were two oval miniatures over the mantelpiece of which I knew by heart
the pearls about the high and powdered heads the velvets circling the white
throats the swell of the full muslin kerchiefs the pattern of the lace
sleeveruffles Upon the mantelshelf there were two china vases some relics of
a diminutive teaservice as smooth as enamel and as thin as eggshell and a
white centreornament a classic group in alabaster preserved under glass Of
all these things I could have told the peculiarities numbered the flaws or
cracks like any clairvoyante Above all there was a pair of handscreens with
elaborate pencildrawings finished like lineengravings these my very eyes
ached at beholding again recalling hours when they had followed stroke by
stroke and touch by touch a tedious feeble finical schoolgirl pencil held
in these fingers now so skeletonlike
Where was I Not only in what spot of the world but in what year of our
Lord For all these objects were of past days and of a distant country Ten
years ago I bade them good by since my fourteenth year they and I had never
met I gasped audibly »Where am I«
A shape hitherto unnoticed stirred rose came forward a shape
inharmonious with the environment serving only to complicate the riddle
further This was no more than a sort of native bonne in a common bonnes cap
and printdress She spoke neither French nor English and I could get no
intelligence from her not understanding her phrases of dialect But she bathed
my temples and forehead with some cool and perfumed water and then she
heightened the cushion on which I reclined made signs that I was not to speak
and resumed her post at the foot of the sofa
She was busy knitting her eyes thus drawn from me I could gaze on her
without interruption I did mightily wonder how she came there or what she
could have to do among the scenes or with the days of my girlhood Still more I
marvelled what those scenes and days could now have to do with me
Too weak to scrutinize thoroughly the mystery I tried to settle it by
saying it was a mistake a dream a feverfit and yet I knew there could be no
mistake and that I was not sleeping and I believed I was sane I wished the
room had not been so well lighted that I might not so clearly have seen the
little pictures the ornaments the screens the worked chair All these
objects, as well as the bluedamask furniture were in fact precisely the
same in every minutest detail with those I so well remembered and with which
I had been so thoroughly intimate in the drawingroom of my godmothers house
at Bretton Methought the apartment only was changed being of different
proportions and dimensions
I thought of Bedreddin Hassan transported in his sleep from Cairo to the
gates of Damascus Had a Genius stooped his dark wing down the storm to whose
stress I had succumbed and gathering me from the churchsteps and »rising high
into the air« as the eastern tale said had he borne me over land and ocean
and laid me quietly down beside a hearth of Old England But no I knew the fire
of that hearth burned before its Lares no more it went out long ago and the
household gods had been carried elsewhere
The bonne turned again to survey me and seeing my eyes wide open and I
suppose deeming their expression perturbed and excited she put down her
knitting I saw her busied for a moment at a little stand she poured out water
and measured drops from a phial glass in hand she approached me What
darktinged draught might she now be offering what Geniielixir or
Magidistillation
It was too late to inquire I had swallowed it passively and at once A
tide of quiet thought now came gently caressing my brain softer and softer rose
the flow with tepid undulations smoother than balm The pain of weakness left
my limbs my muscles slept I lost power to move but losing at the same time
wish it was no privation That kind bonne placed a screen between me and the
lamp I saw her rise to do this but do not remember seeing her resume her
place in the interval between the two acts I »fell on sleep«
At waking lo all was again changed The light of high day surrounded me not
indeed a warm summer light but the leaden gloom of raw and blustering autumn
I felt sure now that I was in the pensionnat sure by the beating rain on the
casement sure by the wuther of wind amongst trees denoting a garden outside
sure by the chill the whiteness the solitude amidst which I lay I say
whiteness for the dimity curtains dropped before a French bed bounded my
view
I lifted them I looked out My eye prepared to take in the range of a
long large and whitewashed chamber blinked baffled on encountering the
limited area of a small cabinet a cabinet with seagreen walls also instead
of five wide and naked windows there was one high lattice shaded with muslin
festoons instead of two dozen little stands of painted wood each holding a
basin and an ewer there was a toilette table dressed like a lady for a ball
in a white robe over a pink skirt a polished and large glass crowned and a
pretty pincushion frilled with lace adorned it This toilette together with a
small low green and white chintz armchair a washstand topped with a marble
slab and supplied with utensils of palegreen ware sufficiently furnished the
tiny chamber
Reader I felt alarmed Why you will ask What was there in this simple and
somewhat pretty sleepingcloset to startle the most timid Merely this These
articles of furniture could not be real solid armchairs lookingglasses and
washstands they must be the ghosts of such articles or if this were denied
as too wild an hypothesis and confounded as I was I did deny it there
remained but to conclude that I had myself passed into an abnormal state of
mind in short that I was very ill and delirious and even then mine was the
strangest figment with which delirium had ever harassed a victim
I knew I was obliged to know the green chintz of that little chair the
little snug chair itself, the carved shiningblack foliated frame of that
glass the smooth milkygreen of the china vessels on the stand the very stand
too with its top of gray marble splintered at one corner all these I was
compelled to recognize and to hail as last night I had perforce recognized
and hailed the rosewood the drapery the porcelain of the drawingroom
Bretton Bretton and ten years ago shone reflected in that mirror And why
did Bretton and my fourteenth year haunt me thus Why if they came at all did
they not return complete Why hovered before my distempered vision the mere
furniture while the rooms and the locality were gone As to that pincushion
made of crimson satin ornamented with gold beads and frilled with threadlace
I had the same right to know it as to know the screens I had made it myself
Rising with a start from the bed I took the cushion in my hand and examined it
There was the cipher LLB formed in gold beads and surrounded with an oval
wreath embroidered in white silk These were the initials of my godmothers name
Louisa Lucy Bretton
Am I in England Am I at Bretton I muttered and hastily pulling up the
blind with which the lattice was shrouded I looked out to try and discover
where I was halfprepared to meet the calm old handsome buildings and clean
gray pavement of St Anns Street and to see at the end the towers of the
minster or if otherwise fully expectant of a town view somewhere a rue in
Villette if not a street in a pleasant and ancient English city
I looked on the contrary through a frame of leafage clustering round the
high lattice and forth thence to a grassy meadlike level a lawnterrace with
trees rising from the lower ground beyond high foresttrees such as I had not
seen for many a day They were now groaning under the gale of October and
between their trunks I traced the line of an avenue where yellow leaves lay in
heaps and drifts or were whirled singly before the sweeping west wind Whatever
landscape might lie further must have been flat and these tall beeches shut it
out The place seemed secluded and was to me quite strange I did not know it
at all
Once more I lay down My bed stood in a little alcove on turning my face to
the wall the room with its bewildering accompaniments became excluded
Excluded No For as I arranged my position in this hope behold on the green
space between the divided and loopedup curtains hung a broad gilded
pictureframe enclosing a portrait It was drawn well drawn though but a
sketch in watercolours a head a boys head fresh lifelike speaking and
animated It seemed a youth of sixteen faircomplexioned with sanguine health
in his cheek hair long not dark and with a sunny sheen penetrating eyes an
arch mouth and a gay smile On the whole a most pleasant face to look at
especially for those claiming a right to that youths affection parents for
instance or sisters Any romantic little schoolgirl might almost have loved it
in its frame Those eyes looked as if when somewhat older they would flash a
lightning response to love I cannot tell whether they kept in store the
steadybeaming shine of faith For whatever sentiment met him in form too
facile his lips menaced beautifully but surely caprice and light esteem
Striving to take each new discovery as quietly as I could I whispered to
myself
»Ah that portrait used to hang in the breakfastroom over the
mantelpiece somewhat too high as I thought I well remember how I used to
mount a musicstool for the purpose of unhooking it holding it in my hand and
searching into those bonny wells of eyes whose glance under their hazel lashes
seemed like a pencilled laugh and well I liked to note the colouring of the
cheek and the expression of the mouth« I hardly believed fancy could improve
on the curve of that mouth or of the chin even my ignorance knew that both
were beautiful and pondered perplexed over this doubt »How it was that what
charmed so much could at the same time so keenly pain« Once by way of test I
took little Missy Home and lifting her in my arms told her to look at the
picture
»Do you like it Polly« I asked She never answered but gazed long and at
last a darkness went trembling through her sensitive eye as she said »Put me
down« So I put her down saying to myself »The child feels it too«
All these things did I now think over adding »He had his faults yet
scarce ever was a finer nature liberal suave impressible« My reflections
closed in an audibly pronounced word »Graham«
»Graham« echoed a sudden voice at the bedside »Do you want Graham«
I looked The plot was but thickening the wonder but culminating If it was
strange to see that wellremembered pictured form on the wall still stranger
was it to turn and behold the equally wellremembered living form opposite a
woman a lady most real and substantial tall wellattired wearing widows
silk and such a cap as best became her matron and motherly braids of hair
Hers too was a good face too marked perhaps now for beauty but not for
sense or character She was little changed something sterner something more
robust but she was my godmother still the distinct vision of Mrs Bretton
I kept quiet yet internally I was much agitated my pulse fluttered and
the blood left my cheek which turned cold
»Madam where am I« I inquired
»In a very safe asylum well protected for the present make your mind quite
easy till you get a little better you look ill this morning«
»I am so entirely bewildered I do not know whether I can trust my senses at
all or whether they are misleading me in every particular but you speak
English do you not madam«
»I should think you might hear that it would puzzle me to hold a long
discourse in French«
»You do not come from England«
»I am lately arrived thence Have you been long in this country You seem to
know my son«
»Do I madam Perhaps I do Your son the picture there«
»That is his portrait as a youth While looking at it you pronounced his
name«
»Graham Bretton«
She nodded
»I speak to Mrs Bretton formerly of Bretton shire«
»Quite right and you I am told are an English teacher in a foreign school
here my son recognized you as such«
»How was I found madam and by whom«
»My son shall tell you that byandby« said she »but at present you are
too confused and weak for conversation try to eat some breakfast and then
sleep«
Notwithstanding all I had undergone the bodily fatigue the perturbation
of spirits the exposure to weather it seemed that I was better the fever
the real malady which had oppressed my frame was abating for whereas during
the last nine days I had taken no solid food and suffered from continual
thirst this morning on breakfast being offered I experienced a craving for
nourishment an inward faintness which caused me eagerly to taste the tea this
lady offered and to eat the morsel of dry toast she allowed in accompaniment
It was only a morsel but it sufficed keeping up my strength till some two or
three hours afterwards when the bonne brought me a little cup of broth and a
biscuit
As evening began to darken and the ceaseless blast still blew wild and
cold and the rain streamed on delugelike I grew weary very weary of my
bed The room though pretty was small I felt it confining I longed for a
change The increasing chill and gathering gloom too depressed me I wanted to
see to feel firelight Besides I kept thinking of the son of that tall
matron when should I see him Certainly not till I left my room
At last the bonne came to make my bed for the night She prepared to wrap me
in a blanket and place me in the little chintz chair but declining these
attentions I proceeded to dress myself The business was just achieved and I
was sitting down to take breath when Mrs Bretton once more appeared
»Dressed« she exclaimed smiling with that smile I so well knew a
pleasant smile though not soft »You are quite better then Quite strong
eh«
She spoke to me so much as of old she used to speak that I almost fancied
she was beginning to know me There was the same sort of patronage in her voice
and manner that as a girl I had always experienced from her a patronage I
yielded to and even liked it was not founded on conventional grounds of
superior wealth or station in the last particular there had never been any
inequality her degree was mine but on natural reasons of physical advantage
it was the shelter the tree gives the herb I put a request without further
ceremony
»Do let me go down stairs madam I am so cold and dull here«
»I desire nothing better if you are strong enough to bear the change« was
her reply »Come then here is an arm« And she offered me hers I took it and
we descended one flight of carpeted steps to a landing where a tall door
standing open gave admission into the blue damask room How pleasant it was in
its air of perfect domestic comfort How warm in its amber lamplight and
vermilion fireflush To render the picture perfect tea stood ready on the
table an English tea whereof the whole shining service glanced at me
familiarly from the solid silver urn of antique pattern and the massive pot
of the same metal to the thin porcelain cups dark with purple and gilding I
knew the very seedcake of peculiar form baked in a peculiar mould which
always had a place on the teatable at Bretton Graham liked it and there it
was as of yore set before Grahams plate with the silver knife and fork beside
it Graham was then expected to tea Graham was now perhaps in the house ere
many minutes I might see him
»Sit down sit down« said my conductress as my step faltered a little in
passing to the hearth She seated me on the sofa but I soon passed behind it
saying the fire was too hot in its shade I found another seat which suited me
better Mrs Bretton was never wont to make a fuss about any person or anything
without remonstrance she suffered me to have my own way She made the tea and
she took up the newspaper I liked to watch every action of my godmother all
her movements were so young she must have been now above fifty yet neither her
sinews nor her spirit seemed yet touched by the rust of age Though portly she
was alert and though serene she was at times impetuous good health and an
excellent temperament kept her green as in her spring
While she read I perceived she listened listened for her son She was not
the woman ever to confess herself uneasy but there was yet no lull in the
weather and if Graham were out in that hoarse wind roaring still unsatisfied
I well knew his mothers heart would be out with him
»Ten minutes behind his time« said she looking at her watch then in
another minute a lifting of her eyes from the page and a slight inclination of
her head towards the door denoted that she heard some sound Presently her brow
cleared and then even my ear less practised caught the iron clash of a gate
swung to steps on gravel lastly the doorbell He was come His mother filled
the teapot from the urn she drew nearer the hearth the stuffed and cushioned
blue chair her own chair by right but I saw there was one who might with
impunity usurp it And when that one came up the stairs which he soon did
after I suppose some such attention to the toilet as the wild and wet night
rendered necessary and strode straight in
»Is it you Graham« said his mother hiding a glad smile and speaking
curtly
»Who else should it be mama« demanded the Unpunctual possessing himself
irreverently of the abdicated throne
»Dont you deserve cold tea for being late«
»I shall not get my deserts for the urn sings cheerily«
»Wheel yourself to table lazy boy no seat will serve you but mine if you
had one spark of a sense of propriety you would always leave that chair for the
Old Lady«
»So I should only the dear Old Lady persists in leaving it for me How is
your patient mama«
»Will she come forward and speak for herself« said Mrs Bretton turning to
my corner and at this invitation forward I came Graham courteously rose up to
greet me He stood tall on the hearth a figure justifying his mothers
unconcealed pride
»So you are come down« said he »you must be better then much better I
scarcely expected we should meet thus or here I was alarmed last night and if
I had not been forced to hurry away to a dying patient I certainly would not
have left you but my mother herself is something of a doctress and Martha an
excellent nurse I saw the case was a faintingfit not necessarily dangerous
What brought it on I have yet to learn and all particulars meantime I trust
you really do feel better«
»Much better« I said calmly »Much better I thank you Dr John«
For reader this tall young man this darling son this host of mine
this Graham Bretton was Dr John he and no other and what is more I
ascertained this identity scarcely with surprise What is more when I heard
Grahams step on the stairs I knew what manner of figure would enter and for
whose aspect to prepare my eyes The discovery was not of today its dawn had
penetrated my perceptions long since Of course I remembered young Bretton well
and though ten years from sixteen to twentysix may greatly change the boy as
they mature him to the man yet they could bring no such utter difference as
would suffice wholly to blind my eyes or baffle my memory Dr John Graham
Bretton retained still an affinity to the youth of sixteen he had his eyes he
had some of his features to wit all the excellentlymoulded lower half of the
face I found him out soon I first recognized him on that occasion noted
several chapters back when my unguardedlyfixed attention had drawn on me the
mortification of an implied rebuke Subsequent observation confirmed in every
point that early surmise I traced in the gesture the port and the habits of
his manhood all his boys promise I heard in his now deep tones the accent of
former days Certain turns of phrase peculiar to him of old were peculiar to
him still and so was many a trick of eye and lip many a smile many a sudden
ray levelled from the irid under his wellcharactered brow
To say anything on the subject to hint at my discovery had not suited my
habits of thought or assimilated with my system of feeling On the contrary I
had preferred to keep the matter to myself I liked entering his presence
covered with a cloud he had not seen through while he stood before me under a
ray of special illumination which shone all partial over his head trembled
about his feet and cast light no farther
Well I knew that to him it could make little difference were I to come
forward and announce »This is Lucy Snowe« So I kept back in my teachers place
and as he never asked my name so I never gave it He heard me called Miss and
Miss Lucy he never heard the surname Snowe As to spontaneous recognition
though I perhaps was still less changed than he the idea never approached
his mind and why should I suggest it
During tea Dr John was kind as it was his nature to be that meal over
and the tray carried out he made a cosy arrangement of the cushions in a corner
of the sofa and obliged me to settle amongst them He and his mother also drew
to the fire and ere we had sat ten minutes I caught the eye of the latter
fastened steadily upon me Women are certainly quicker in some things than men
»Well« she exclaimed presently »I have seldom seen a stronger likeness
Graham have you observed it«
»Observed what What ails the Old Lady now How you stare mama One would
think you had an attack of secondsight«
»Tell me Graham of whom does that young lady remind you« pointing to me
»Mama you put her out of countenance I often tell you abruptness is your
fault remember too that to you she is a stranger and does not know your
ways«
»Now when she looks down now when she turns sideways who is she like
Graham«
»Indeed mama since you propound the riddle I think you ought to solve
it«
»And you have known her some time you say ever since you first began to
attend the school in the Rue Fossette yet you never mentioned to me that
singular resemblance«
»I could not mention a thing of which I never thought and which I do not
now acknowledge What can you mean«
»Stupid boy look at her«
Graham did look but this was not to be endured I saw how it must end so I
thought it best to anticipate
»Dr John« I said »has had so much to do and think of since he and I
shook hands at our last parting in St Anns Street that while I readily found
out Mr Graham Bretton some months ago it never occurred to me as possible
that he should recognize Lucy Snowe«
»Lucy Snowe I thought so I knew it« cried Mrs Bretton And she at once
stepped across the hearth and kissed me Some ladies would perhaps have made a
great bustle upon such a discovery without being particularly glad of it but it
was not my godmothers habit to make a bustle and she preferred all sentimental
demonstration in basrelief So she and I got over the surprise with few words
and a single salute yet I daresay she was pleased and I know I was While we
renewed old acquaintance Graham sitting opposite silently disposed of his
paroxysm of astonishment
»Mama calls me a stupid boy and I think I am so« at length he said »for
upon my honour often as I have seen you I never once suspected this fact and
yet I perceive it all now Lucy Snowe To be sure I recollect her perfectly
and there she sits not a doubt of it But« he added »you surely have not
known me as an old acquaintance all this time and never mentioned it«
»That I have« was my answer
Dr John commented not I supposed he regarded my silence as eccentric but
he was indulgent in refraining from censure I dare say too he would have
deemed it impertinent to have interrogated me very closely to have asked me the
why and wherefore of my reserve and though he might feel a little curious the
importance of the case was by no means such as to tempt curiosity to infringe on
discretion
For my part I just ventured to inquire whether he remembered the
circumstance of my once looking at him very fixedly for the slight annoyance he
had betrayed on that occasion still lingered sore on my mind
»I think I do« said he »I think I was even cross with you«
»You considered me a little bold perhaps« I inquired
»Not at all Only shy and retiring as your general manner was I wondered
what personal or facial enormity in me proved so magnetic to your usually
averted eyes«
»You see how it was now«
»Perfectly«
And here Mrs Bretton broke in with many many questions about past times
and for her satisfaction I had to recur to goneby troubles to explain causes
of seeming estrangement to touch on singlehanded conflict with Life with
Death with Grief with Fate Dr John listened saying little He and she then
told me of changes they had known even with them all had not gone smoothly
and fortune had retrenched her once abundant gifts But so courageous a mother
with such a champion in her son was well fitted to fight a good fight with the
world and to prevail ultimately Dr John himself was one of those on whose
birth benign planets have certainly smiled Adversity might set against him her
most sullen front he was the man to beat her down with smiles Strong and
cheerful and firm and courteous not rash yet valiant he was the aspirant to
woo Destiny herself and to win from her stone eyeballs a beam almost loving
In the profession he had adopted his success was now quite decided Within
the last three months he had taken this house a small château they told me
about half a league without the Porte de Crécy this country site being chosen
for the sake of his mothers health with which town air did not now agree
Hither he had invited Mrs Bretton and she on leaving England had brought
with her such residue furniture of the former St Anns Street mansion as she
had thought fit to keep unsold Hence my bewilderment at the phantoms of chairs
and the wraiths of looking glasses tea urns and tea cups
As the clock struck eleven Dr John stopped his mother
»Miss Snowe must retire now« he said »she is beginning to look very pale
Tomorrow I will venture to put some questions respecting the cause of her loss
of health She is much changed indeed since last July when I saw her enact
with no little spirit the part of a very killing fine gentleman As to last
nights catastrophe I am sure thereby hangs a tale but we will inquire no
further this evening Good night Miss Lucy«
And so he kindly led me to the door and holding a wax candle lighted me
up the one flight of steps
When I had said my prayers and when I was undressed and laid down I felt
that I still had friends Friends not professing vehement attachment not
offering the tender solace of wellmatched and congenial relationship on whom
therefore but moderate demand of affection was to be made of whom but moderate
expectation formed but towards whom my heart softened instinctively and
yearned with an importunate gratitude which I entreated Reason betimes to
check
»Do not let me think of them too often too much too fondly« I implored
»let me be content with a temperate draught of this living stream let me not
run athirst and apply passionately to its welcome waters let me not imagine in
them a sweeter taste than earths fountains know Oh would to God I may be
enabled to feel enough sustained by an occasional amicable intercourse rare
brief unengrossing and tranquil quite tranquil«
Still repeating this word I turned to my pillow and still repeating it I
steeped that pillow with tears
Chapter XVII
La Terrasse
These struggles with the natural character the strong native bent of the heart
may seem futile and fruitless but in the end they do good They tend however
slightly to give the actions the conduct that turn which Reason approves and
which Feeling perhaps too often opposes they certainly make a difference in
the general tenor of a life and enable it to be better regulated more equable
quieter on the surface and it is on the surface only the common gaze will fall
As to what lies below leave that with God Man your equal weak as you and
not fit to be your judge may be shut out thence take it to your Maker show
Him the secrets of the spirit He gave ask Him how you are to bear the pains He
has appointed kneel in His presence and pray with faith for light in
darkness for strength in piteous weakness for patience in extreme need
Certainly at some hour though perhaps not your hour the waiting waters will
stir in some shape though perhaps not the shape you dreamed which your heart
loved and for which it bled the healing herald will descend The cripple and
the blind and the dumb and the possessed will be led to bathe Herald come
quickly Thousands lie round the pool weeping and despairing to see it
through slow years stagnant Long are the times of Heaven the orbits of angel
messengers seem wide to mortal vision they may enring ages the cycle of one
departure and return may clasp unnumbered generations and dust kindling to
brief suffering life and through pain passing back to dust may meanwhile
perish out of memory again and yet again To how many maimed and mourning
millions is the first and sole angel visitant him easterns call Azrael
I tried to get up next morning but while I was dressing and at intervals
drinking cold water from the carafe on my washstand with design to brace up
that trembling weakness which made dressing so difficult in came Mrs Bretton
»Here is an absurdity« was her morning accost »Not so« she added and
dealing with me at once in her own brusque energetic fashion that fashion
which I used formerly to enjoy seeing applied to her son and by him vigorously
resisted in two minutes she consigned me captive to the French bed
»There you lie till afternoon« said she »My boy left orders before he went
out that such should be the case and I can assure you my son is master and must
be obeyed Presently you shall have breakfast«
Presently she brought that meal brought it with her own active hands not
leaving me to servants She seated herself on the bed while I ate Now it is not
everybody even amongst our respected friends and esteemed acquaintance whom we
like to have near us whom we like to watch us to wait on us to approach us
with the proximity of a nurse to a patient It is not every friend whose eye is
a light in a sick room whose presence is there a solace but all this was Mrs
Bretton to me all this she had ever been Food and drink never pleased me so
well as when it came through her hands I do not remember the occasion when her
entrance into a room had not made that room cheerier Our natures own
predilections and antipathies alike strange There are people from whom we
secretly shrink whom we would personally avoid though reason confesses that
they are good people there are others with faults of temper etc evident
enough beside whom we live content as if the air about them did us good My
godmothers lively black eye and clear brunette cheek her warm prompt hand
her selfreliant mood her decided bearing were all beneficial to me as the
atmosphere of some salubrious climate Her son used to call her the old lady it
filled me with pleasant wonder to note how the alacrity and power of
fiveandtwenty still breathed from her and around her
»I would bring my work here« she said as she took from me the emptied
teacup »and sit with you the whole day if that overbearing John Graham had
not put his veto upon such a proceeding Now mama he said when he went out
take notice you are not to knock up your goddaughter with gossip and he
particularly desired me to keep close to my own quarters and spare you my fine
company He says Lucy he thinks you have had a nervous fever judging from
your look is that so«
I replied that I did not quite know what my ailment had been but that I had
certainly suffered a good deal especially in mind Further on this subject I
did not consider it advisable to dwell for the details of what I had undergone
belonged to a portion of my existence in which I never expected my godmother to
take a share Into what a new region would such a confidence have led that hale
serene nature The difference between her and me might be figured by that
between the stately ship cruising safe on smooth seas with its full complement
of crew a captain gay and brave and venturous and provident and the
lifeboat which most days of the year lies dry and solitary in an old dark
boathouse only putting to sea when the billows run high in rough weather when
cloud encounters water when danger and death divide between them the rule of
the great deep No the »Louisa Bretton« never was out of harbour on such a
night and in such a scene her crew could not conceive it so the halfdrowned
lifeboat man keeps his own counsel and spins no yarns
She left me and I lay in bed content it was good of Graham to remember me
before he went out
My day was lonely but the prospect of coming evening abridged and cheered
it Then too I felt weak and rest seemed welcome and after the morning hours
were gone by those hours which always bring even to the necessarily
unoccupied a sense of business to be done of tasks waiting fulfilment a vague
impression of obligation to be employed when this stirring time was past and
the silent descent of afternoon hushed housemaid steps on the stairs and in the
chambers I then passed into a dreamy mood not unpleasant
My calm little room seemed somehow like a cave in the sea There was no
colour about it except that white and pale green suggestive of foam and deep
water the blanched cornice was adorned with shellshaped ornaments and there
were white mouldings like dolphins in the ceilingangles Even that one touch of
colour visible in the red satin pincushion bore affinity to coral even that
dark shining glass might have mirrored a mermaid When I closed my eyes I
heard a gale subsiding at last bearing upon the housefront like a settling
swell upon a rockbase I heard it drawn and withdrawn far far off like a tide
retiring from a shore of the upper world a world so high above that the rush
of its largest waves the dash of its fiercest breakers could sound down in this
submarine home only like murmurs and a lullaby
Amidst these dreams came evening and then Martha brought a light with her
aid I was quickly dressed and stronger now than in the morning I made my way
down to the blue saloon unassisted
Dr John it appears had concluded his round of professional calls earlier
than usual his form was the first object that met my eyes as I entered the
parlour he stood in that windowrecess opposite the door reading the close
type of a newspaper by such dull light as closing day yet gave The fire shone
clear but the lamp stood on the table unlit and tea was not yet brought up
As to Mrs Bretton my active godmother who I afterwards found had been
out in the open air all day lay halfreclined in her deepcushioned chair
actually lost in a nap Her son seeing me came forward I noticed that he trod
carefully not to wake the sleeper he also spoke low his mellow voice never
had any sharpness in it modulated as at present it was calculated rather to
soothe than startle slumber
»This is a quiet little château« he observed after inviting me to sit near
the casement »I dont know whether you may have noticed it in your walks
though indeed from the chaussée it is not visible just a mile beyond the
Porte de Crécy you turn down a lane which soon becomes an avenue and that
leads you on through meadow and shade to the very door of this house It is
not a modern place but built somewhat in the old style of the BasseVille It
is rather a manoir than a château they call it La Terrasse because its front
rises from a broad turfed walk whence steps lead down a grassy slope to the
avenue See yonder The moon rises she looks well through the tree boles«
Where indeed does the moon not look well What is the scene confined or
expansive which her orb does not hallow Rosy or fiery she mounted now above a
not distant bank even while we watched her flushed ascent she cleared to gold
and in very brief space floated up stainless into a now calm sky Did moonlight
soften or sadden Dr Bretton Did it touch him with romance I think it did
Albeit of no sighing mood he sighed in watching it sighed to himself quietly
No need to ponder the cause or the course of that sigh I knew it was wakened by
beauty I knew it pursued Ginevra Knowing this the idea pressed upon me that
it was in some sort my duty to speak the name he meditated Of course he was
ready for the subject I saw in his countenance a teeming plenitude of comment
question and interest a pressure of language and sentiment only checked I
thought by sense of embarrassment how to begin To spare him this embarrassment
was my best indeed my sole use I had but to utter the idols name and loves
tender litany would flow out I had just found a fitting phrase »You know that
Miss Fanshawe is gone on a tour with the Cholmondeleys« and was opening my lips
to speak it when he scattered my plans by introducing another theme
»The first thing this morning« said he putting his sentiment in his
pocket turning from the moon and sitting down »I went to the Rue Fossette
and told the cuisinière that you were safe and in good hands Do you know I
actually found that she had not yet discovered your absence from the house she
thought you safe in the great dormitory With what care must you have been
waited on«
»Oh all that is very conceivable« said I »Goton could do nothing for me
but bring me a little tisane and a crust of bread and I had rejected both so
often during the past week that the good woman got tired of useless journeys
from the dwellinghouse kitchen to the schooldormitory and only came once a
day at noon to make my bed Believe however that she is a good natured
creature and would have been delighted to cook me côtelettes de mouton if I
could have eaten them«
»What did Madame Beck mean by leaving you alone«
»Madame Beck could not foresee that I should fall ill«
»Your nervous system bore a good share of the suffering«
»I am not quite sure what my nervous system is but I was dreadfully
lowspirited«
»Which disables me from helping you by pill or potion Medicine can give
nobody good spirits My art halts at the threshold of Hypochondria she just
looks in and sees a chamber of torture but can neither say nor do much
Cheerful society would be of use you should be as little alone as possible you
should take plenty of exercise«
Acquiescence and a pause followed these remarks They sounded all right I
thought and bore the safe sanction of custom and the well worn stamp of use
»Miss Snowe« recommenced Dr John my health nervous system included
being now somewhat to my relief discussed and done with »is it permitted me
to ask what your religion now is Are you a Catholic«
I looked up in some surprise »A Catholic No Why suggest such an idea«
»The manner in which you were consigned to me last night made me doubt«
»I consigned to you But indeed I forget It remains yet for me to learn
how I fell into your hands«
»Why under circumstances that puzzled me I had been in attendance all day
yesterday on a case of singularly interesting and critical character the
disease being rare and its treatment doubtful I saw a similar and still finer
case in a hospital at Paris but that will not interest you At last a
mitigation of the patients most urgent symptoms acute pain is one of its
accompaniments liberated me and I set out homeward My shortest way lay
through the Basse Ville and as the night was excessively dark wild and wet I
took it In riding past an old church belonging to a community of Béguines I
saw by a lamp burning over the porch or deep arch of the entrance a priest
lifting some object in his arms The lamp was bright enough to reveal the
priests features clearly and I recognized him he was a man I have often met
by the sick beds of both rich and poor and chiefly the latter He is I
think a good old man far better than most of his class in this country
superior indeed in every way better informed as well as more devoted to
duty Our eyes met he called on me to stop what he supported was a woman
fainting or dying I alighted
This person is one of your countrywomen he said save her if she is not
dead
My countrywoman on examination turned out to be the English teacher at
Madame Becks pensionnat She was perfectly unconscious perfectly bloodless
and nearly cold
What does it all mean was my inquiry
He communicated a curious account that you had been to him that evening at
confessional that your exhausted and suffering appearance coupled with some
things you had said «
»Things I had said I wonder what things«
»Awful crimes no doubt but he did not tell me what there you know the
seal of the confessional checked his garrulity and my curiosity Your
confidences however had not made an enemy of the good father it seems he was
so struck and felt so sorry that you should be out on such a night alone he
had esteemed it a christian duty to watch when you quitted the church and so to
manage as not to lose sight of you till you should have reached home Perhaps
the worthy man might half unconsciously have blent in this proceeding some
little of the subtility of his class it might have been his resolve to learn
the locality of your home did you impart that in your confession«
»I did not on the contrary I carefully avoided the shadow of any
indication and as to my confession Dr John I suppose you will think me mad
for taking such a step but I could not help it I suppose it was all the fault
of what you call my nervous system I cannot put the case into words but my
days and nights were grown intolerable a cruel sense of desolation pained my
mind a feeling that would make its way rush out or kill me like and this
you will understand Dr John the current which passes through the heart and
which if aneurism or any other morbid cause obstructs its natural channels
seeks abnormal outlet I wanted companionship I wanted friendship I wanted
counsel I could find none of these in closet or chamber so I went and sought
them in church and confessional As to what I said it was no confidence no
narrative I have done nothing wrong my life has not been active enough for any
dark deed either of romance or reality all I poured out was a dreary
desperate complaint«
»Lucy you ought to travel for about six months why your calm nature is
growing quite excitable Confound Madame Beck Has the little buxom widow no
bowels to condemn her best teacher to solitary confinement«
»It was not Madame Becks fault« said I »it is no living beings fault
and I wont hear any one blamed«
»Who is in the wrong then Lucy«
»Me Dr John me and a great abstraction on whose wide shoulders I like
to lay the mountains of blame they were sculptured to bear me and Fate«
»Me must take better care in future« said Dr John smiling I suppose at
my bad grammar
»Change of air change of scene those are my prescriptions« pursued the
practical young doctor »But to return to our muttons Lucy As yet Père Silas
with all his tact they say he is a Jesuit is no wiser than you choose him to
be for instead of returning to the Rue Fossette your fevered wanderings
there must have been high fever «
»No Dr John the fever took its turn that night now dont make out that
I was delirious for I know differently«
»Good you were as collected as myself at this moment no doubt Your
wanderings had taken an opposite direction to the Pensionnat Near the
Béguinage amidst the stress of flood and gust and in the perplexity of
darkness you had swooned and fallen The priest came to your succour and the
physician as we have seen supervened Between us we procured a fiacre and
brought you here Père Silas old as he is would carry you up stairs and lay
you on that couch himself He would certainly have remained with you till
suspended animation had been restored and so should I but at that juncture a
hurried messenger arrived from the dying patient I had scarcely left the last
duties were called for the physicians last visit and the priests last rite
extreme unction could not be deferred Père Silas and myself departed together
my mother was spending the evening abroad we gave you in charge to Martha
leaving directions which it seems she followed successfully Now are you a
Catholic«
»Not yet« said I with a smile »And never let Père Silas know where I
live or he will try to convert me but give him my best and truest thanks when
you see him and if ever I get rich I will send him money for his charities
See Dr John your mother wakes you ought to ring for tea«
Which he did and as Mrs Bretton sat up astonished and indignant at
herself for the indulgence to which she had succumbed and fully prepared to
deny that she had slept at all her son came gaily to the attack
»Hushaby mama Sleep again You look the picture of innocence in your
slumbers«
»My slumbers John Graham What are you talking about You know I never do
sleep by day it was the slightest doze possible«
»Exactly a seraphs gentle lapse a fairys dream Mama under such
circumstances you always remind me of Titania«
»That is because you yourself are so like Bottom«
»Miss Snowe did you ever hear anything like mamas wit She is a most
sprightly woman of her size and age«
»Keep your compliments to yourself sir and do not neglect your own size
which seems to me a good deal on the increase Lucy has he not rather the air
of an incipient John Bull He used to be slender as an eel and now I fancy in
him a sort of heavydragoon bent a beefeater tendency Graham take notice
If you grow fat I disown you«
»As if you could not sooner disown your own personality I am indispensable
to the old ladys happiness Lucy She would pine away in green and yellow
melancholy if she had not my six feet of iniquity to scold It keeps her lively
it maintains the wholesome ferment of her spirits«
The two were now standing opposite to each other one on each side the
fireplace their words were not very fond but their mutual looks atoned for
verbal deficiencies At least the best treasure of Mrs Brettons life was
certainly casketed in her sons bosom her dearest pulse throbbed in his heart
As to him of course another love shared his feelings with filial love and no
doubt as the new passion was the latest born so he assigned it in his emotions
Benjamins portion Ginevra Ginevra Did Mrs Bretton yet know at whose feet
her own young idol had laid his homage Would she approve that choice I could
not tell but I could well guess that if she knew Miss Fanshawes conduct
towards Graham her alternations between coldness and coaxing and repulse and
allurement if she could at all suspect the pain with which she had tried him
if she could have seen as I had seen his fine spirits subdued and harassed
his inferior preferred before him his subordinate made the instrument of his
humiliation then Mrs Bretton would have pronounced Ginevra imbecile or
perverted or both Well I thought so too
That second evening passed as sweetly as the first more sweetly indeed we
enjoyed a smoother interchange of thought old troubles were not reverted to
acquaintance was better cemented I felt happier easier more at home That
night instead of crying myself asleep I went down to dreamland by a pathway
bordered with pleasant thoughts
Chapter XVIII
We Quarrel
During the first days of my stay at the Terrace Graham never took a seat near
me or in his frequent pacing of the room approached the quarter where I sat or
looked preoccupied or more grave than usual but I thought of Miss Fanshawe and
expected her name to leap from his lips I kept my ear and mind in perpetual
readiness for the tender theme my patience was ordered to be permanently under
arms and my sympathy desired to keep its cornucopia replenished and ready for
outpouring At last and after a little inward struggle which I saw and
respected he one day launched into the topic It was introduced delicately
anonymously as it were
»Your friend is spending her vacation in travelling I hear« »Friend
forsooth« thought I to myself but it would not do to contradict he must have
his own way I must own the soft impeachment friend let it be Still by way of
experiment I could not help asking whom he meant
He had taken a seat at my worktable he now laid hands on a reel of thread
which he proceeded recklessly to unwind
»Ginevra Miss Fanshawe has accompanied the Cholmondeleys on a tour
through the south of France«
»She has«
»Do you and she correspond«
»It will astonish you to hear that I never once thought of making
application for that privilege«
»You have seen letters of her writing«
»Yes several to her uncle«
»They will not be deficient in wit and naïveté there is so much sparkle
and so little art in her soul«
»She writes comprehensibly enough when she writes to M de Bassompierre he
who runs may read« In fact Ginevras epistles to her wealthy kinsman were
commonly business documents unequivocal applications for cash
»And her handwriting It must be pretty light ladylike I should think«
It was and I said so
»I verily believe that all she does is well done« said Dr John and as I
seemed in no hurry to chime in with this remark he added »You who know her
could you name a point in which she is deficient«
»She does several things very well« »Flirtation amongst the rest«
subjoined I in thought
»When do you suppose she will return to town« he soon inquired
»Pardon me Dr John I must explain You honour me too much in ascribing to
me a degree of intimacy with Miss Fanshawe I have not the felicity to enjoy I
have never been the depositary of her plans and secrets You will find her
particular friends in another sphere than mine amongst the Cholmondeleys for
instance«
He actually thought I was stung with a kind of jealous pain similar to his
own »Excuse her« he said »judge her indulgently the glitter of fashion
misleads her but she will soon find out that these people are hollow and will
return to you with augmented attachment and confirmed trust I know something of
the Cholmondeleys superficial showy selfish people depend on it at heart
Ginevra values you beyond a score of such«
»You are very kind« I said briefly A disclaimer of the sentiments
attributed to me burned on my lips but I extinguished the flame I submitted to
be looked upon as the humiliated castoff and now pining confidante of the
distinguished Miss Fanshawe but reader it was a hard submission
»Yet you see« continued Graham »while I comfort you I cannot take the
same consolation to myself I cannot hope she will do me justice De Hamal is
most worthless yet I fear he pleases her wretched delusion«
My patience really gave way and without notice all at once I suppose
illness and weakness had worn it and made it brittle
»Dr Bretton« I broke out »there is no delusion like your own On all
points but one you are a man frank healthful rightthinking clearsighted
on this exceptional point you are but a slave I declare where Miss Fanshawe is
concerned you merit no respect nor have you mine«
I got up and left the room very much excited
This little scene took place in the morning I had to meet him again in the
evening and then I saw I had done mischief He was not made of common clay not
put together out of vulgar materials while the outlines of his nature had been
shaped with breadth and vigour the details embraced workmanship of almost
feminine delicacy finer much finer than you could be prepared to meet with
than you could believe inherent in him even after years of acquaintance
Indeed till some oversharp contact with his nerves had betrayed by its
effects their acute sensibility this elaborate construction must be ignored
and the more especially because the sympathetic faculty was not prominent in
him to feel and to seize quickly anothers feelings are separate properties
a few constructions possess both some neither Dr John had the one gift in
exquisite perfection and because I have admitted that he was not endowed with
the other in equal degree the reader will considerately refrain from passing to
an extreme and pronouncing him unsympathizing unfeeling on the contrary he
was a kind generous man Make your need known his hand was open Put your
grief into words he turned no deaf ear Expect refinements of perception,
miracles of intuition, and realize disappointment This night when Dr John
entered the room and met the evening lamp I saw well and at one glance his
whole mechanism
To one who had named him slave and on any point banned him from respect
he must now have peculiar feelings That the epithet was well applied and the
ban just might be he put forth no denial that it was so his mind even
candidly revolved that unmanning possibility He sought in this accusation the
cause of that illsuccess which had got so galling a hold on his mental peace
Amid the worry of a self-condemnatory soliloquy his demeanour seemed grave
perhaps cold both to me and his mother And yet there was no bad feeling no
malice no rancour no littleness in his countenance beautiful with a mans
best beauty even in its depression When I placed his chair at the table which
I hastened to do anticipating the servant and when I handed him his tea which
I did with trembling care he said
»Thank you Lucy« in as kindly a tone of his full pleasant voice as ever my
ear welcomed
For my part there was only one plan to be pursued I must expiate my
culpable vehemence or I must not sleep that night This would not do at all I
could not stand it I made no pretence of capacity to wage war on this footing
School solitude conventual silence and stagnation anything seemed preferable
to living embroiled with Dr John As to Ginevra she might take the silver
wings of a dove or any other fowl that flies and mount straight up to the
highest place among the highest stars where her lovers highest flight of
fancy chose to fix the constellation of her charms never more be it mine to
dispute the arrangement Long I tried to catch his eye Again and again that eye
just met mine but having nothing to say it withdrew and I was baffled After
tea he sat sad and quiet reading a book I wished I could have dared to go
and sit near him but it seemed that if I ventured to take that step he would
infallibly evince hostility and indignation I longed to speak out and I dared
not whisper His mother left the room then moved by insupportable regret I
just murmured the words »Dr Bretton«
He looked up from his book his eyes were not cold or malevolent his mouth
was not cynical he was ready and willing to hear what I might have to say his
spirit was of vintage too mellow and generous to sour in one thunderclap
»Dr Bretton forgive my hasty words do do forgive them«
He smiled that moment I spoke »Perhaps I deserved them Lucy If you dont
respect me I am sure it is because I am not respectable I fear I am an
awkward fool I must manage badly in some way for where I wish to please it
seems I dont please«
»Of that you cannot be sure and even if such be the case is it the fault
of your character or of anothers perceptions But now let me unsay what I
said in anger In one thing and in all things I deeply respect you If you
think scarcely enough of yourself and too much of others what is that but an
excellence«
»Can I think too much of Ginevra«
»I believe you may you believe you cant Let us agree to differ Let me be
pardoned that is what I ask«
»Do you think I cherish illwill for one warm word«
»I see you do not and cannot but just say Lucy I forgive you Say that
to ease me of the heartache«
»Put away your heartache as I will put away mine for you wounded me a
little Lucy Now when the pain is gone I more than forgive I feel grateful
as to a sincere wellwisher«
»I am your sincere wellwisher you are right«
Thus our quarrel ended
Reader if in the course of this work you find that my opinion of Dr John
undergoes modification excuse the seeming inconsistency I give the feeling as
at the time I felt it I describe the view of character as it appeared when
discovered
He showed the fineness of his nature by being kinder to me after that
misunderstanding than before Nay the very incident which by my theory must
in some degree estrange me and him changed indeed somewhat our relations but
not in the sense I painfully anticipated An invisible but a cold something
very slight very transparent but very chill a sort of screen of ice had
hitherto all through our two lives glazed the medium through which we
exchanged intercourse Those few warm words though only warm with anger
breathed on that frail frostwork of reserve about this time it gave note of
dissolution I think from that day so long as we continued friends he never in
discourse stood on topics of ceremony with me He seemed to know that if he
would but talk about himself and about that in which he was most interested my
expectation would always be answered my wish always satisfied It follows, as a
matter of course that I continued to hear much of Ginevra
»Ginevra« He thought her so fair so good he spoke so lovingly of her
charms her sweetness her innocence that in spite of my plain prose knowledge
of the reality a kind of reflected glow began to settle on her idea even for
me Still reader I am free to confess that he often talked nonsense but I
strove to be unfailingly patient with him I had had my lesson I had learned
how severe for me was the pain of crossing or grieving or disappointing him
In a strange and new sense I grew most selfish and quite powerless to deny
myself the delight of indulging his mood and being pliant to his will He still
seemed to me most absurd when he obstinately doubted and desponded about his
power to win in the end Miss Fanshawes preference The fancy became rooted in
my own mind more stubbornly than ever that she was only coquetting to goad him
and that at heart she coveted every one of his words and looks Sometimes he
harassed me in spite of my resolution to bear and hear in the midst of the
indescribable gallhoney pleasure of thus bearing and hearing he struck so on
the flint of what firmness I owned that it emitted fire once and again I
chanced to assert one day with a view to stilling his impatience that in my
own mind I felt positive Miss Fanshawe must intend eventually to accept him
»Positive It was easy to say so but had I any grounds for such assurance«
»The best grounds«
»Now Lucy do tell me what«
»You know them as well as I and knowing them Dr John it really amazes me
that you should not repose the frankest confidence in her fidelity To doubt
under the circumstances is almost to insult«
»Now you are beginning to speak fast and to breathe short but speak a
little faster and breathe a little shorter till you have given an explanation
a full explanation I must have it«
»You shall Dr John In some cases you are a lavish generous man you are
a worshipper ever ready with the votive offering should Père Silas ever convert
you you will give him abundance of alms for his poor you will supply his altar
with tapers and the shrine of your favourite saint you will do your best to
enrich Ginevra Dr John «
»Hush« said he »dont go on«
»Hush I will not and go on I will Ginevra has had her hands filled from
your hands more times than I can count You have sought for her the costliest
flowers you have busied your brain in devising gifts the most delicate such
one would have thought as only a woman could have imagined and in addition
Miss Fanshawe owns a set of ornaments to purchase which your generosity must
have verged on extravagance«
The modesty Ginevra herself had never evinced in this matter now flushed
all over the face of her admirer
»Nonsense« he said destructively snipping a skein of silk with my
scissors »I offered them to please myself I felt she did me a favour in
accepting them«
»She did more than a favour Dr John she pledged her very honour that she
would make you some return and if she cannot pay you in affection she ought to
hand out a businesslike equivalent in the shape of some rouleaux of gold
pieces«
»But you dont understand her she is far too disinterested to care for my
gifts and too simpleminded to know their value«
I laughed out I had heard her adjudge to every jewel its price and well I
knew moneyembarrassment moneyschemes moneys worth and endeavours to
realize supplies had young as she was furnished the most frequent and the
favourite stimulus of her thoughts for years
He pursued »You should have seen her whenever I have laid on her lap some
trifle so cool so unmoved no eagerness to take not even pleasure in
contemplating Just from amiable reluctance to grieve me she would permit the
bouquet to lie beside her and perhaps consent to bear it away Or if I
achieved the fastening of a bracelet on her ivory arm however pretty the
trinket might be and I always carefully chose what seemed to me pretty and
what of course was not valueless the glitter never dazzled her bright eyes
she would hardly cast one look on my gift«
»Then of course not valuing it she would unloose and return it to you«
»No for such a repulse she was too goodnatured She would consent to seem
to forget what I had done and retain the offering with ladylike quiet and easy
oblivion Under such circumstances how can a man build on acceptance of his
presents as a favourable symptom For my part were I to offer her all I have
and she to take it such is her incapacity to be swayed by sordid
considerations I should not venture to believe the transaction advanced me one
step«
»Dr John« I began »Love is blind« but just then a blue subtle ray sped
sideways from Dr Johns eye it reminded me of old days it reminded me of his
picture it half led me to think that part at least of his professed
persuasion of Miss Fanshawes naïveté was assumed it led me dubiously to
conjecture that perhaps in spite of his passion for her beauty his
appreciation of her foibles might possibly be less mistaken more clearsighted
than from his general language was presumable After all it might be only a
chance look or at best the token of a merely momentary impression Chance or
intentional real or imaginary it closed the conversation
Chapter XIX
The Cleopatra
My stay at La Terrasse was prolonged a fortnight beyond the close of the
vacation Mrs Brettons kind management procured me this respite Her son
having one day delivered the dictum that »Lucy was not yet strong enough to go
back to that den of a Pensionnat« she at once drove over to the Rue Fossette
had an interview with the directress and procured the indulgence on the plea
of prolonged rest and change being necessary to perfect recovery Hereupon
however followed an attention I could very well have dispensed with viz a
polite call from Madame Beck
That lady one fine day actually came out in a fiacre as far as the
chateau I suppose she had resolved within herself to see what manner of place
Dr John inhabited Apparently the pleasant site and neat interior surpassed
her expectations she eulogized all she saw pronounced the blue salon »une
pièce magnifique« profusely congratulated me on the acquisition of friends
»tellement dignes aimables et respectables« turned also a neat compliment in
my favour and upon Dr John coming in ran up to him with the utmost buoyancy
opening at the same time such a fire of rapid language all sparkling with
felicitations and protestations about his »château« »madame sa mère la digne
châtelaine« also his looks which indeed were very flourishing and at the
moment additionally embellished by the goodnatured but amused smile with which
he always listened to madames fluent and florid French In short Madame shone
in her very best phase that day and came in and went out quite a living
catherinewheel of compliments delight and affability Halfpurposely and
half to ask some question about schoolbusiness I followed her to the carriage
and looked in after she was seated and the door closed In that brief fraction
of time what a change had been wrought An instant ago all sparkles and jests
she now sat sterner than a judge and graver than a sage Strange little woman
I went back and teased Dr John about Madames devotion to him How he
laughed What fun shone in his eyes as he recalled some of her fine speeches
and repeated them imitating her voluble delivery He had an acute sense of
humour and was the finest company in the world when he could forget Miss
Fanshawe
To »sit in sunshine calm and sweet« is said to be excellent for weak people it
gives them vital force When little Georgette Beck was recovering from her
illness I used to take her in my arms and walk with her in the garden by the
hour together beneath a certain wall hung with grapes which the Southern sun
was ripening that sun cherished her little pale frame quite as effectually as
it mellowed and swelled the clustering fruit
There are human tempers bland glowing and genial within whose influence
it is as good for the poor in spirit to live as it is for the feeble in frame
to bask in the glow of noon Of the number of these choice natures were
certainly both Dr Brettons and his mothers They liked to communicate
happiness as some like to occasion misery they did it instinctively without
fuss and apparently with little consciousness: the means to give pleasure rose
spontaneously in their minds Every day while I stayed with them some little
plan was proposed which resulted in beneficial enjoyment Fully occupied as was
Dr Johns time he still made it in his way to accompany us in each brief
excursion I can hardly tell how he managed his engagements they were numerous
yet by dint of system he classed them in an order which left him a daily period
of liberty I often saw him hardworked yet seldom overdriven and never
irritated confused or oppressed What he did was accomplished with the ease
and grace of allsufficing strength with the bountiful cheerfulness of high and
unbroken energies Under his guidance I saw in that one happy fortnight more
of Villette its environs and its inhabitants than I had seen in the whole
eight months of my previous residence He took me to places of interest in the
town of whose names I had not before so much as heard with willingness and
spirit he communicated much noteworthy information He never seemed to think it
a trouble to talk to me and I am sure it was never a task to me to listen It
was not his way to treat subjects coldly and vaguely he rarely generalized
never prosed He seemed to like nice details almost as much as I liked them
myself he seemed observant of character and not superficially observant
either These points gave the quality of interest to his discourse and the fact
of his speaking direct from his own resources and not borrowing or stealing
from books here a dry fact and there a trite phrase and elsewhere a
hackneyed opinion ensured a freshness as welcome as it was rare Before my
eyes too his disposition seemed to unfold another phase to pass to a fresh
day to rise in new and nobler dawn
His mother possessed a good development of benevolence but he owned a
better and larger I found on accompanying him to the BasseVille the poor
and crowded quarter of the city that his errands there were as much those of
the philanthropist as the physician I understood presently that cheerfully
habitually and in singleminded unconsciousness of any special merit
distinguishing his deeds he was achieving amongst a very wretched population
a world of active good The lower orders liked him well his poor patients in
the hospitals welcomed him with a sort of enthusiasm
But stop I must not from the faithful narrator degenerate into the
partial eulogist Well full well do I know that Dr John was not perfect any
more than I am perfect Human fallibility leavened him throughout there was no
hour and scarcely a moment of the times I spent with him that in act or
speech or look he did not betray something that was not of a god A god could
not have the cruel vanity of Dr John nor his sometime levity No immortal
could have resembled him in his occasional temporary oblivion of all but the
present in his passing passion for that present shown not coarsely by
devoting it to material indulgence but selfishly by extracting from it
whatever it could yield of nutriment to his masculine selflove his delight was
to feed that ravenous sentiment without thought of the price of provender or
care for the cost of keeping it sleek and highpampered
The reader is requested to note a seeming contradiction in the two views
which have been given of Graham Bretton the public and private the outdoor
and the indoor view In the first the public he is shown oblivious of self;
as modest in the display of his energies as earnest in their exercise In the
second the fireside picture there is expressed consciousness of what he has
and what he is pleasure in homage some recklessness in exciting some vanity
in receiving the same Both portraits are correct
It was hardly possible to oblige Dr John quietly and in secret When you
thought that the fabrication of some trifle dedicated to his use had been
achieved unnoticed and that like other men he would use it when placed ready
for his use and never ask whence it came he amazed you by a smilinglyuttered
observation or two proving that his eye had been on the work from commencement
to close that he had noted the design traced its progress and marked its
completion It pleased him to be thus served and he let his pleasure beam in
his eye and play about his mouth
This would have been all very well if he had not added to such kindly and
unobtrusive evidence a certain wilfulness in discharging what he called debts
When his mother worked for him he paid her by showering about her his bright
animal spirits with even more affluence than his gay taunting teasing loving
wont If Lucy Snowe were discovered to have put her hand to such work he
planned in recompense some pleasant recreation
I often felt amazed at his perfect knowledge of Villette a knowledge not
merely confined to its open streets but penetrating to all its galleries
salles and cabinets of every door which shut in an object worth seeing of
every museum of every hall sacred to art or science he seemed to possess the
»Open Sesame« I never had a head for science but an ignorant blind fond
instinct inclined me to art I liked to visit the picturegalleries and I
dearly liked to be left there alone In company a wretched idiosyncracy forbade
me to see much or to feel anything In unfamiliar company where it was
necessary to maintain a flow of talk on the subjects in presence half an hour
would knock me up with a combined pressure of physical lassitude and entire
mental incapacity I never yet saw the wellreared child much less the educated
adult who could not put me to shame by the sustained intelligence of its
demeanour under the ordeal of a conversable sociable visitation of pictures
historical sites or buildings or any lions of public interest Dr Bretton was
a cicerone after my own heart he would take me betimes ere the galleries were
filled leave me there for two or three hours and call for me when his own
engagements were discharged Meantime I was happy happy not always in
admiring but in examining questioning and forming conclusions In the
commencement of these visits there was some misunderstanding and consequent
struggle between Will and Power The former faculty exacted approbation of that
which it was considered orthodox to admire the latter groaned forth its utter
inability to pay the tax it was then selfsneered at spurred up goaded on to
refine its taste and whet its zest The more it was chidden however the more
it wouldnt praise Discovering gradually that a wonderful sense of fatigue
resulted from these conscientious efforts I began to reflect whether I might
not dispense with that great labour and concluded eventually that I might and
so sank supine into a luxury of calm before ninetynine out of a hundred of the
exhibited frames
It seemed to me that an original and good picture was just as scarce as an
original and good book nor did I in the end tremble to say to myself
standing before certain chef dæuvres bearing great names »These are not a whit
like nature Natures daylight never had that colour never was made so turbid
either by storm or cloud as it is laid out there under a sky of indigo and
that indigo is not ether and those dark weeds plastered upon it are not trees«
Several very well executed and complacentlooking fat women struck me as by no
means the goddesses they appeared to consider themselves Many scores of
marvellouslyfinished little Flemish pictures and also of sketches excellent
for fashionbooks displaying varied costumes in the handsomest materials gave
evidence of laudable industry whimsically applied And yet there were fragments
of truth here and there which satisfied the conscience and gleams of light that
cheered the vision Natures power here broke through in a mountain snowstorm
and there her glory in a sunny southern day An expression in this portrait
proved clear insight into character a face in that historical painting by its
vivid filial likeness startlingly reminded you that genius gave it birth These
exceptions I loved they grew dear as friends
One day at a quiet early hour I found myself nearly alone in a certain
gallery wherein one particular picture of pretentious size set up in the best
light having a cordon of protection stretched before it and a cushioned bench
duly set in front for the accommodation of worshipping connoisseurs who having
gazed themselves off their feet might be fain to complete the business sitting
this picture I say seemed to consider itself the queen of the collection
It represented a woman considerably larger I thought than the life I
calculated that this lady put into a scale of magnitude suitable for the
reception of a commodity of bulk would infallibly turn from fourteen to sixteen
stone She was indeed extremely well fed very much butchers meat to say
nothing of bread vegetables and liquids must she have consumed to attain
that breadth and height that wealth of muscle that affluence of flesh She lay
halfreclined on a couch why it would be difficult to say broad daylight
blazed round her she appeared in hearty health strong enough to do the work of
two plain cooks she could not plead a weak spine she ought to have been
standing or at least sitting bolt upright She had no business to lounge away
the noon on a sofa She ought likewise to have worn decent garments a gown
covering her properly which was not the case out of abundance of material
sevenandtwenty yards I should say of drapery she managed to make
inefficient raiment Then for the wretched untidiness surrounding her there
could be no excuse Pots and pans perhaps I ought to say vases and goblets
were rolled here and there on the foreground a perfect rubbish of flowers was
mixed amongst them and an absurd and disorderly mass of curtain upholstery
smothered the couch and cumbered the floor On referring to the catalogue I
found that this notable production bore name Cleopatra
Well I was sitting wondering at it as the bench was there I thought I
might as well take advantage of its accommodation and thinking that while some
of the details as roses gold cups jewels etc were very prettily painted
it was on the whole an enormous piece of claptrap the room almost vacant when
I entered began to fill Scarcely noticing this circumstance as indeed it
did not matter to me I retained my seat rather to rest myself than with a view
to studying this huge darkcomplexioned gipsyqueen of whom indeed I soon
tired and betook myself for refreshment to the contemplation of some exquisite
little pictures of still life wildflowers wildfruit mossy woodnests
casketing eggs that looked like pearls seen through clear green seawater all
hung modestly beneath that coarse and preposterous canvass
Suddenly a light tap visited my shoulder Starting turning I met a face
bent to encounter mine a frowning almost a shocked face it was
»Que faites vous ici« said a voice
»Mais monsieur je m amuse«
»Vous vous amusez et à quoi sil vous plaît Mais dabord faitesmoi le
plaisir de vous lever prenez mon bras et allons de lautre côté«
I did precisely as I was bid M Paul Emanuel it was he returned from
Rome and now a travelled man was not likely to be less tolerant of
insubordination now than before this added distinction laurelled his temples
»Permit me to conduct you to your party« said he as we crossed the room
»I have no party«
»You are not alone«
»Yes monsieur«
»Did you come here unaccompanied«
»No monsieur Dr Bretton brought me here«
»Dr Bretton and Madame his mother of course«
»No only Dr Bretton«
»And he told you to look at that picture«
»By no means I found it out for myself«
M Pauls hair was shorn close as raven down or I think it would have
bristled on his head Beginning now to perceive his drift I had a certain
pleasure in keeping cool and working him up
»Astounding insular audacity« cried the Professor »Singulières femmes que
ces Anglaises«
»What is the matter monsieur«
»Matter How dare you a young person sit coolly down with the
self-possession of a garçon and look at that picture«
»It is a very ugly picture but I cannot at all see why I should not look at
it«
»Bon bon Speak no more of it But you ought not to be here alone«
»If however I have no society no party as you say And then what does
it signify whether I am alone or accompanied nobody meddles with me«
»Taisezvous et asseyezvous là là« Setting down a chair with emphasis
in a particularly dull corner before a series of most specially dreary cadres
»Mais monsieur«
»Mais mademoiselle asseyez vous et ne bougez pas entendezvous jusquà
ce quon vienne vous chercher ou que je vous donne la permission«
»Quel triste coin« cried I »et quels laids tableaux«
And laids indeed they were being a set of four denominated in the
catalogue »La vie dune femme« They were painted rather in a remarkable style
flat dead pale and formal The first represented a »Jeune Fille« coming out
of a churchdoor a missal in her hand her dress very prim her eyes cast down
her mouth pursed up the image of a most villanous little precocious
shehypocrite The second a »Mariée« with a long white veil kneeling at a
priedieu in her chamber holding her hands plastered together finger to
finger and showing the whites of her eyes in a most exasperating manner The
third a »Jeune Mère« hanging disconsolate over a clayey and puffy baby with a
face like an unwholesome full moon The fourth a »Veuve« being a black woman
holding by the hand a black little girl and the twain studiously surveying an
elegant French monument set up in a corner of some Père la Chaise All these
four »Anges« were grim and gray as burglars and cold and vapid as ghosts What
women to live with insincere illhumoured bloodless brainless nonentities
As bad in their way as the indolent gipsygiantess the Cleopatra in hers
It was impossible to keep ones attention long confined to these
masterpieces and so by degrees I veered round and surveyed the gallery
A perfect crowd of spectators was by this time gathered round the Lioness
from whose vicinage I had been banished nearly half this crowd were ladies but
M Paul afterwards told me these were »des dames« and it was quite proper for
them to contemplate what no demoiselle ought to glance at I assured him plainly
I could not agree in this doctrine and did not see the sense of it whereupon
with his usual absolutism he merely requested my silence and also in the same
breath denounced my mingled rashness and ignorance A more despotic little man
than M Paul never filled a professors chair I noticed by the way that he
looked at the picture himself quite at his ease and for a very long while he
did not however neglect to glance from time to time my way in order I
suppose to make sure that I was obeying orders and not breaking bounds By and
by he again accosted me
»Had I not been ill« he wished to know »he understood I had«
»Yes but I was now quite well«
»Where had I spent the vacation«
»Chiefly in the Rue Fossette partly with Madame Bretton«
»He had heard that I was left alone in the Rue Fossette was that so«
»Not quite alone Marie Broc« the crétin »was with me«
He shrugged his shoulders varied and contradictory expressions played
rapidly over his countenance Marie Broc was well known to M Paul he never
gave a lesson in the third division containing the least advanced pupils that
she did not occasion in him a sharp conflict between antagonistic impressions
Her personal appearance her repulsive manners her often unmanageable
disposition irritated his temper and inspired him with strong antipathy a
feeling he was too apt to conceive when his taste was offended or his will
thwarted On the other hand her misfortunes constituted a strong claim on his
forbearance and compassion such a claim as it was not in his nature to deny
hence resulted almost daily drawn battles between impatience and disgust on the
one hand pity and a sense of justice on the other in which to his credit be
it said it was very seldom that the former feelings prevailed when they did
however M Paul showed a phase of character which had its terrors His passions
were strong his aversions and attachments alike vivid the force he exerted in
holding both in check by no means mitigated an observers sense of their
vehemence With such tendencies it may well be supposed he often excited in
ordinary minds fear and dislike yet it was an error to fear him nothing drove
him so nearly frantic as the tremor of an apprehensive and distrustful spirit
nothing soothed him like confidence tempered with gentleness To evince these
sentiments however required a thorough comprehension of his nature and his
nature was of an order rarely comprehended
»How did you get on with Marie Broc« he asked after some minutes silence
»Monsieur I did my best but it was terrible to be alone with her«
»You have then a weak heart You lack courage and perhaps charity
Yours are not the qualities which might constitute a Sister of Mercy«
He was a religious little man in his way the self-denying and
selfsacrificing part of the Catholic religion commanded the homage of his
soul
»I dont know indeed I took as good care of her as I could but when her
aunt came to fetch her away it was a great relief«
»Ah you are an egotist There are women who have nursed hospitalsfull of
similar unfortunates You could not do that«
»Could Monsieur do it himself«
»Women who are worthy the name ought infinitely to surpass our coarse
fallible selfindulgent sex in the power to perform such duties«
»I washed her I kept her clean I fed her I tried to amuse her but she
made mouths at me instead of speaking«
»You think you did great things«
»No but as great as I could do«
»Then limited are your powers for in tending one idiot you fell sick«
»Not with that monsieur I had a nervous fever my mind was ill«
»Vraiment Vous valez peu de chose You are not cast in an heroic mould
your courage will not avail to sustain you in solitude it merely gives you the
temerity to gaze with sangfroid at pictures of Cleopatra«
It would have been easy to show anger at the teasing hostile tone of the
little man I had never been angry with him yet however and had no present
disposition to begin
»Cleopatra« I repeated quietly »Monsieur too has been looking at
Cleopatra what does he think of her«
»Cela ne vaut rien« he responded »Une femme superbe une taille
dimpératrice des formes de Junon mais une personne dont je ne voudrais ni
pour femme ni pour fille ni pour soeur Aussi vous ne jeterez plus un seul
coup d oeil de sa côté«
»But I have looked at her a great many times while Monsieur has been
talking I can see her quite well from this corner«
»Turn to the wall and study your four pictures of a womans life«
»Excuse me M Paul they are too hideous but if you admire them allow me
to vacate my seat and leave you to their contemplation«
»Mademoiselle« he said grimacing a halfsmile or what he intended for a
smile though it was but a grim and hurried manifestation »You nurslings of
Protestantism astonish me You unguarded Englishwomen walk calmly amidst redhot
ploughshares and escape burning I believe if some of you were thrown into
Nebuchadnezzars hottest furnace you would issue forth untraversed by the smell
of fire«
»Will Monsieur have the goodness to move an inch to one side«
»How At what are you gazing now You are not recognizing an acquaintance
amongst that group of jeunes gens«
»I think so Yes I see there a person I know«
In fact I had caught a glimpse of a head too pretty to belong to any other
than the redoubted Colonel de Hamal What a very finished highlypolished
little pate it was What a figure so trim and natty What womanish feet and
hands How daintily he held a glass to one of his optics with what admiration
he gazed upon the Cleopatra and then how engagingly he tittered and whispered
a friend at his elbow Oh the man of sense! Oh the refined gentleman of
superior taste and tact I observed him for about ten minutes and perceived
that he was exceedingly taken with this dusk and portly Venus of the Nile So
much was I interested in his bearing so absorbed in divining his character by
his looks and movements I temporarily forgot M Paul in the interim a group
came between that gentleman and me or possibly his scruples might have received
another and worse shock from my present abstraction causing him to withdraw
voluntarily at any rate when I again looked round he was gone
My eye pursuant of the search met not him but another and dissimilar
figure well seen amidst the crowd for the height as well as the port lent each
its distinction This way came Dr John in visage in shape in hue as unlike
the dark acerb and caustic little professor as the fruit of the Hesperides
might be unlike the sloe in the wild thicket as the highcouraged but tractable
Arabian is unlike the rude and stubborn sheltie He was looking for me but had
not yet explored the corner where the schoolmaster had just put me I remained
quiet yet another minute I would watch
He approached de Hamal he paused near him I thought he had a pleasure in
looking over his head Dr Bretton too gazed on the Cleopatra I doubt if it
were to his taste he did not simper like the little Count his mouth looked
fastidious his eye cool without demonstration he stepped aside leaving room
for others to approach I saw now that he was waiting and rising I joined
him
We took one turn round the gallery with Graham it was very pleasant to take
such a turn I always liked dearly to hear what he had to say about either
pictures or books because without pretending to be a connoisseur he always
spoke his thought and that was sure to be fresh very often it was also just
and pithy It was pleasant also to tell him some things he did not know he
listened so kindly so teachably unformalized by scruples lest so to bend his
bright handsome head to gather a womans rather obscure and stammering
explanation should emperil the dignity of his manhood And when he communicated
information in return it was with a lucid intelligence that left all his words
clear graven on the memory no explanation of his giving no fact of his
narrating did I ever forget
As we left the gallery I asked him what he thought of the Cleopatra after
making him laugh by telling him how Professor Emanuel had sent me to the
rightabout and taking him to see the sweet series of pictures recommended to
my attention
»Pooh« said he »My mother is a betterlooking woman I heard some French
fops yonder designating her as le type du voluptueux if so I can only say
le voluptueux is little to my liking Compare that mulatto with Ginevra«
Chapter XX
The Concert
One morning Mrs Bretton coming promptly into my room desired me to open my
drawers and show her my dresses which I did without a word
»That will do« said she when she had turned them over »You must have a
new one«
She went out She returned presently with a dressmaker She had me
measured »I mean« said she »to follow my own taste and to have my own way in
this little matter«
Two days after came home a pink dress
»That is not for me« I said hurriedly feeling that I would almost as soon
clothe myself in the costume of a Chinese lady of rank
»We shall see whether it is for you or not« rejoined my godmother adding
with her resistless decision »Mark my words You will wear it this very
evening«
I thought I should not I thought no human force should avail to put me into
it A pink dress I knew it not It knew not me I had not proved it
My godmother went on to decree that I was to go with her and Graham to a
concert that same night which concert she explained was a grand affair to be
held in the large salle or hall of the principal musical society The most
advanced of the pupils of the Conservatoire were to perform it was to be
followed by a lottery »au bénéfice des pauvres« and to crown all the King
Queen and Prince of Labassecour were to be present Graham in sending tickets
had enjoined attention to costume as a compliment due to royalty he also
recommended punctual readiness by seven oclock
About six I was ushered upstairs Without any force at all I found myself
led and influenced by anothers will unconsulted unpersuaded quietly
overruled In short the pink dress went on softened by some drapery of black
lace I was pronounced to be en grande tenue and requested to look in the
glass I did so with some fear and trembling with more fear and trembling I
turned away Seven oclock struck Dr Bretton was come my godmother and I went
down She was clad in brown velvet as I walked in her shadow how I envied her
those folds of grave dark majesty Graham stood in the drawingroom doorway
»I do hope he will not think I have been decking myself out to draw
attention« was my uneasy aspiration
»Here Lucy are some flowers« said he giving me a bouquet He took no
further notice of my dress than was conveyed in a kind smile and satisfied nod
which calmed at once my sense of shame and fear of ridicule For the rest the
dress was made with extreme simplicity guiltless of flounce or furbelow it was
but the light fabric and bright tint which scared me and since Graham found in
it nothing absurd my own eye consented soon to become reconciled
I suppose people who go every night to places of public amusement can
hardly enter into the fresh gala feeling with which an opera or a concert is
enjoyed by those for whom it is a rarity I am not sure that I expected great
pleasure from the concert having but a very vague notion of its nature but I
liked the drive there well The snug comfort of the close carriage on a cold
though fine night the pleasure of setting out with companions so cheerful and
friendly the sight of the stars glinting fitfully through the trees as we
rolled along the avenue then the freer burst of the nightsky when we issued
forth to the open chaussée the passage through the city gates the lights there
burning the guards there posted the pretence of inspection to which we there
submitted and which amused us so much all these small matters had for me in
their novelty a peculiar exhilarating charm How much of it lay in the
atmosphere of friendship diffused about me I know not Dr John and his mother
were both in their finest mood contending animatedly with each other the whole
way and as frankly kind to me as if I had been of their kin
Our way lay through some of the best streets of Villette streets brightly
lit and far more lively now than at high noon How brilliant seemed the shops
How glad gay and abundant flowed the tide of life along the broad pavement
While I looked the thought of the Rue Fossette came across me of the
walledin garden and schoolhouse and of the dark vast classes where as at
this very hour it was my wont to wander all solitary gazing at the stars
through the high blindless windows and listening to the distant voice of the
reader in the refectory monotonously exercised upon the lecture pieuse Thus
must I soon again listen and wander and this shadow of the future stole with
timely sobriety across the radiant present
By this time we had got into a current of carriages all tending in one
direction and soon the front of a great illuminated building blazed before us
Of what I should see within this building I had as before intimated but an
imperfect idea for no place of public entertainment had it ever been my lot to
enter yet
We alighted under a portico where there was a great bustle and a great
crowd but I do not distinctly remember further details until I found myself
mounting a majestic staircase wide and easy of ascent deeply and softly
carpeted with crimson leading up to great doors closed solemnly and whose
panels were also crimsonclothed
I hardly noticed by what magic these doors were made to roll back Dr John
managed these points roll back they did however and within was disclosed a
hall grand wide and high whose sweeping circular walls and domed hollow
ceiling seemed to me all dead gold thus with nice art was it stained
relieved by cornicing fluting and garlandry either bright like gold
burnished or snowwhite like alabaster or white and gold mingled in wreaths
of gilded leaves and spotless lilies wherever drapery hung wherever carpets
were spread or cushions placed the sole colour employed was deep crimson
Pendant from the dome flamed a mass that dazzled me a mass I thought of
rockcrystal sparkling with facets streaming with drops ablaze with stars
and gorgeously tinged with dews of gems dissolved or fragments of rainbows
shivered It was only the chandelier reader but for me it seemed the work of
eastern genii I almost looked to see if a huge dark cloudy hand that of the
Slave of the Lamp were not hovering in the lustrous and perfumed atmosphere of
the cupola guarding its wondrous treasure
We moved on I was not at all conscious whither but at some turn we
suddenly encountered another party approaching from the opposite direction I
just now see that group as it flashed upon me for one moment A handsome
middleaged lady in dark velvet a gentleman who might be her son the best
face the finest figure I thought I had ever seen a third person in a pink
dress and black lace mantle
I noted them all the third person as well as the other two and for the
fraction of a moment believed them all strangers thus receiving an impartial
impression of their appearance But the impression was hardly felt and not
fixed before the consciousness that I faced a great mirror filling a
compartment between two pillars dispelled it the party was our own party Thus
for the first and perhaps only time in my life I enjoyed the giftie of seeing
myself as others see me No need to dwell on the result It brought a jar of
discord a pang of regret it was not flattering yet after all I ought to be
thankful it might have been worse
At last we were seated in places commanding a good general view of that
vast and dazzling but warm and cheerful hall Already it was filled and filled
with a splendid assemblage I do not know that the women were very beautiful
but their dresses were so perfect and foreigners even such as are ungraceful
in domestic privacy seem to possess the art of appearing graceful in public
however blunt and boisterous those everyday and home movements connected with
peignoir and papillotes there is a slide a bend a carriage of the head and
arms a mien of the mouth and eyes kept nicely in reserve for gala use always
brought out with the grande toilette and duly put on with the parure
Some fine forms there were here and there models of a peculiar style of
beauty a style I think never seen in England a solid firmset sculptural
style These shapes have no angles a caryatid in marble is almost as flexible
a Phidian goddess is not more perfect in a certain still and stately sort They
have such features as the Dutch painters give to their madonnas lowcountry
classic features regular but round straight but stolid and for their depth of
expressionless calm of passionless peace a polar snowfield could alone offer
a type Women of this order need no ornament and they seldom wear any the
smooth hair closely braided supplies a sufficient contrast to the smoother
cheek and brow the dress cannot be too simple the rounded arm and perfect neck
require neither bracelet nor chain
With one of these beauties I once had the honour and rapture to be perfectly
acquainted the inert force of the deep settled love she bore herself was
wonderful it could only be surpassed by her proud impotency to care for any
other living thing Of blood her cool veins conducted no flow placid lymph
filled and almost obstructed her arteries
Such a Juno as I have described sat full in our view a sort of mark for
all eyes and quite conscious that so she was but proof to the magnetic
influence of gaze or glance cold rounded blonde and beauteous as the white
column capitalled with gilding which rose at her side
Observing that Dr Johns attention was much drawn towards her I entreated
him in a low voice »for the love of heaven to shield well his heart You need
not fall in love with that lady« I said »because I tell you beforehand you
might die at her feet and she would not love you again«
»Very well« said he »and how do you know that the spectacle of her grand
insensibility might not with me be the strongest stimulus to homage The sting
of desperation is I think a wonderful irritant to my emotions but shrugging
his shoulders you know nothing about these things Ill address myself to my
mother Mama Im in a dangerous way«
»As if that interested me« said Mrs Bretton
»Alas the cruelty of my lot« responded her son »Never man had a more
unsentimental mother than mine she never seems to think that such a calamity
can befall her as a daughterinlaw«
»If I dont it is not for want of having that same calamity held over my
head you have threatened me with it for the last ten years Mama I am going to
be married soon was the cry before you were well out of jackets«
»But mother one of these days it will be realized All of a sudden when
you think you are most secure I shall go forth like Jacob or Esau or any other
patriarch and take me a wife perhaps of these which are of the daughters of
the land«
»At your peril John Graham that is all«
»This mother of mine means me to be an old bachelor What a jealous old lady
it is But now just look at that splendid creature in the pale blue satin dress
and hair of paler brown with reflets satinés as those of her robe Would you
not feel proud mama if I were to bring that goddess home some day and
introduce her to you as Mrs Bretton junior«
»You will bring no goddess to La Terrasse that little château will not
contain two mistresses especially if the second be of the height bulk and
circumference of that mighty doll in wood and wax and kid and satin«
»Mama she would fill your blue chair so admirably«
»Fill my chair I defy the foreign usurper a rueful chair should it be for
her but hush John Graham Hold your tongue and use your eyes«
During the above skirmish the hall which I had thought seemed full at our
entrance continued to admit party after party until the semicircle before the
stage presented one dense mass of heads sloping from floor to ceiling The
stage too or rather the wide temporary platform larger than any stage desert
half an hour since was now overflowing with life round two grand pianos
placed about the centre a white flock of young girls the pupils of the
Conservatoire had noiselessly poured I had noticed their gathering while
Graham and his mother were engaged in discussing the belle in blue satin and
had watched with interest the process of arraying and marshalling them Two
gentlemen in each of whom I recognized an acquaintance officered this virgin
troop One an artistic looking man bearded and with long hair was a noted
pianiste and also the first music teacher in Villette he attended twice a week
at Madame Becks pensionnat to give lessons to the few pupils whose parents
were rich enough to allow their daughters the privilege of his instructions his
name was M Josef Emanuel and he was halfbrother to M Paul which potent
personage was now visible in the person of the second gentleman
M Paul amused me I smiled to myself as I watched him he seemed so
thoroughly in his element standing conspicuous in presence of a wide and grand
assemblage arranging restraining overaweing about one hundred young ladies
He was too so perfectly in earnest so energetic so intent and above all
so absolute and yet what business had he there What had he to do with music or
the Conservatoire he who could hardly distinguish one note from another I
knew that it was his love of display and authority which had brought him there
a love not offensive only because so naïve It presently became obvious that
his brother M Josef was as much under his control as were the girls
themselves Never was such a little hawk of a man as that M Paul Ere long
some noted singers and musicians dawned upon the platform as these stars rose
the cometlike professor set Insufferable to him were all notorieties and
celebrities where he could not outshine he fled
And now all was prepared but one compartment of the hall waited to be
filled a compartment covered with crimson like the grand staircase and doors
furnished with stuffed and cushioned benches ranged on each side of two red
regal chairs placed solemnly under a canopy
A signal was given the doors rolled back the assembly stood up the
orchestra burst out and to the welcome of a choral burst enter the King the
Queen the Court of Labassecour
Till then I had never set eyes on living king or queen it may consequently
be conjectured how I strained my powers of vision to take in these specimens of
European royalty By whomsoever majesty is beheld for the first time there will
always be experienced a vague surprise bordering on disappointment that the
same does not appear seated en permanence on a throne bonneted with a crown
and furnished as to the hand with a sceptre Looking out for a king and queen
and seeing only a middleaged soldier and a rather young lady I felt half
cheated half pleased
Well do I recall that King a man of fifty a little bowed a little gray
there was no face in all that assembly which resembled his I had never read
never been told anything of his nature or his habits and at first the strong
hieroglyphics graven as with iron stylet on his brow round his eyes beside his
mouth puzzled and baffled instinct Ere long however if I did not know at
least I felt the meaning of those characters written without hand There sat a
silent sufferer a nervous melancholy man Those eyes had looked on the visits
of a certain ghost had long waited the comings and goings of that strangest
spectre Hypochondria Perhaps he saw her now on that stage over against him
amidst all that brilliant throng Hypochondria has that wont to rise in the
midst of thousands dark as Doom pale as Malady and well nigh strong as
Death Her comrade and victim thinks to be happy one moment »Not so« says
she »I come« And she freezes the blood in his heart and beclouds the light in
his eye
Some might say it was the foreign crown pressing the Kings brows which bent
them to that peculiar and painful fold some might quote the effects of early
bereavement Something there might be of both these but these as embittered by
that darkest foe of humanity constitutional melancholy The Queen his wife
knew this it seemed to me the reflection of her husbands grief lay a
subduing shadow on her own benignant face A mild thoughtful graceful woman
that princess seemed not beautiful not at all like the women of solid charms
and marble feelings described a page or two since Hers was a somewhat slender
shape her features though distinguished enough were too suggestive of
reigning dynasties and royal lines to give unqualified pleasure The expression
clothing that profile was agreeable in the present instance but you could not
avoid connecting it with remembered effigies where similar lines appeared
under phase ignoble feeble or sensual or cunning as the case might be The
Queens eye however was her own and pity goodness sweet sympathy blessed
it with divinest light She moved no sovereign but a lady kind loving
elegant Her little son the Prince of Labassecour and young Duc de Dindonneau
accompanied her he leaned on his mothers knee and ever and anon in the
course of that evening I saw her observant of the monarch at her side
conscious of his beclouded abstraction and desirous to rouse him from it by
drawing his attention to their son She often bent her head to listen to the
boys remarks and would then smilingly repeat them to his sire The moody King
started listened smiled but invariably relapsed as soon as his good angel
ceased speaking Full mournful and significant was that spectacle Not the less
so because both for the aristocracy and the honest bourgeoisie of Labassecour
its peculiarity seemed to be wholly invisible I could not discover that one
soul present was either struck or touched
With the King and Queen had entered their court comprising two or three
foreign ambassadors and with them came the élite of the foreigners then
resident in Villette These took possession of the crimson benches the ladies
were seated most of the men remained standing their sable rank lining the
back ground looked like a dark foil to the splendour displayed in front Nor
was this splendour without varying light and shade and gradation the middle
distance was filled with matrons in velvets and satins in plumes and gems the
benches in the foreground to the Queens right hand seemed devoted exclusively
to young girls the flower perhaps I should rather say the bud of Villette
aristocracy Here were no jewels no headdresses no velvet pile or silken
sheen purity simplicity and aërial grace reigned in that virgin band Young
heads simply braided and fair forms I was going to write sylph forms but that
would have been quite untrue several of these jeunes filles who had not
numbered more than sixteen or seventeen years boasted contours as robust and
solid as those of a stout Englishwoman of fiveandtwenty fair forms robed in
white or pale rose or placid blue suggested thoughts of heaven and angels I
knew a couple at least of these rose et blanches specimens of humanity Here
was a pair of Madame Becks late pupils Mesdemoiselles Mathilde and Angélique
pupils who during their last year at school ought to have been in the first
class but whose brains had never got them beyond the second division In
English they had been under my own charge and hard work it was to get them to
translate rationally a page of »The Vicar of Wakefield« Also during three
months I had one of them for my visàvis at table and the quantity of
household bread butter and stewed fruit she would habitually consume at
second déjeuner was a real worlds wonder to be exceeded only by the fact of
her actually pocketing slices she could not eat Here be truths wholesome
truths too
I knew another of these seraphs the prettiest or at any rate the least
demure and hypocriticallooking of the lot she was seated by the daughter of an
English peer also an honest though haughtylooking girl both had entered in
the suite of the British embassy She ie my acquaintance had a slight pliant
figure not at all like the forms of the foreign damsels her hair too was not
closebraided like a shell or a skullcap of satin it looked like hair and
waved from her head long curled and flowing She chatted away volubly and
seemed full of a lightheaded sort of satisfaction with herself and her
position I did not look at Dr Bretton but I knew that he too saw Ginevra
Fanshawe he had become so quiet he answered so briefly his mothers remarks
he so often suppressed a sigh Why should he sigh He had confessed a taste for
the pursuit of love under difficulties here was full gratification for that
taste His ladylove beamed upon him from a sphere above his own he could not
come near her he was not certain that he could win from her a look I watched
to see if she would so far favour him Our seat was not far from the crimson
benches we must inevitably be seen thence by eyes so quick and roving as Miss
Fanshawes and very soon those optics of hers were upon us at least upon Dr
and Mrs Bretton I kept rather in the shade and out of sight not wishing to be
immediately recognized she looked quite steadily at Dr John and then she
raised a glass to examine his mother a minute or two afterwards she laughingly
whispered her neighbour upon the performance commencing her rambling attention
was attracted to the platform
On the concert I need not dwell the reader would not care to have my
impressions thereanent and indeed it would not be worth while to record them
as they were the impressions of an ignorance crasse The young ladies of the
Conservatoire being very much frightened made rather a tremulous exhibition on
the two grand pianos M Josef Emanuel stood by them while they played but he
had not the tact or influence of his kinsman who under similar circumstances
would certainly have compelled pupils of his to demean themselves with heroism
and selfpossession M Paul would have placed the hysteric débutantes between
two fires terror of the audience and terror of himself and would have
inspired them with the courage of desperation by making the latter terror
incomparably the greater M Josef could not do this
Following the white muslin pianistes came a fine fullgrown sulky lady in
white satin She sang Her singing just affected me like the tricks of a
conjuror I wondered how she did it how she made her voice run up and down
and cut such marvellous capers but a simple Scotch melody played by a rude
street minstrel has often moved me more deeply
Afterwards stepped forth a gentleman who bending his body a good deal in
the direction of the King and Queen and frequently approaching his whitegloved
hand to the region of his heart vented a bitter outcry against a certain fausse
Isabelle I thought he seemed especially to solicit the Queens sympathy but
unless I am egregiously mistaken her Majesty lent her attention rather with the
calm of courtesy than the earnestness of interest This gentlemans state of
mind was very harrowing and I was glad when he wound up his musical exposition
of the same
Some rousing choruses struck me as the best part of the evenings
entertainment There were present deputies from all the best provincial choral
societies genuine barrelshaped native Labassecouriens These worthies gave
voice without mincing the matter their hearty exertions had at least this good
result the ear drank thence a satisfying sense of power
Through the whole performance timid instrumental duets conceited vocal
solos sonorous brass choruses my attention gave but one eye and one ear to
the stage the other being permanently retained in the service of Dr Bretton I
could not forget him nor cease to question how he was feeling what he was
thinking whether he was amused or the contrary At last he spoke
»And how do you like it all Lucy You are very quiet« he said in his own
cheerful tone
»I am quiet« I said »because I am so very very much interested not
merely with the music but with everything about me«
He then proceeded to make some further remarks with so much equanimity and
composure that I began to think he had really not seen what I had seen and I
whispered
»Miss Fanshawe is here have you noticed her«
»Oh yes and I observed that you noticed her too«
»Is she come with Mrs Cholmondeley do you think«
»Mrs Cholmondeley is there with a very grand party Yes Ginevra was in her
train and Mrs Cholmondeley was in Lady s train who was in the Queens
train If this were not one of the compact little minor European courts whose
very formalities are little more imposing than familiarities and whose gala
grandeur is but homeliness in Sunday array it would sound all very fine«
»Ginevra saw you I think«
»So do I think so I have had my eye on her several times since you withdrew
yours and I have had the honour of witnessing a little spectacle which you were
spared«
I did not ask what I waited voluntary information which was presently
given
»Miss Fanshawe« he said »has a companion with her a lady of rank I
happen to know Lady Sara by sight her noble mother has called me in
professionally She is a proud girl but not in the least insolent and I doubt
whether Ginevra will have gained ground in her estimation by making a butt of
her neighbours«
»What neighbours«
»Merely myself and my mother As to me it is all very natural nothing I
suppose can be fairer game than the young bourgeois doctor but my mother I
never saw her ridiculed before Do you know the curling lip and sarcastically
levelled glass thus directed gave me a most curious sensation«
»Think nothing of it Dr John it is not worth while If Ginevra were in a
giddy mood as she is eminently tonight she would make no scruple of laughing
at that mild pensive Queen or that melancholy King She is not actuated by
malevolence but sheer heedless folly To a featherbrained school nothing is
sacred«
»But you forget I have not been accustomed to look on Miss Fanshawe in the
light of a featherbrained schoolgirl Was she not my divinity the angel of
my career«
»Hem There was your mistake«
»To speak the honest truth without any false rant or assumed romance there
actually was a moment six months ago when I thought her divine Do you
remember our conversation about the presents I was not quite open with you in
discussing that subject the warmth with which you took it up amused me By way
of having the full benefit of your lights I allowed you to think me more in the
dark than I really was It was that test of the presents which first proved
Ginevra mortal Still her beauty retained its fascination three days three
hours ago I was very much her slave As she passed me tonight triumphant in
beauty my emotions did her homage but for one luckless sneer I should yet be
the humblest of her servants She might have scoffed at me and while wounding
she would not soon have alienated me through myself she could not in ten years
have done what in a moment she has done through my mother«
He held his peace awhile Never before had I seen so much fire and so little
sunshine in Dr Johns blue eye as just now
»Lucy« he recommenced »look well at my mother and say without fear or
favour in what light she now appears to you«
»As she always does an English middleclass gentlewoman well though
gravely dressed habitually independent of pretence constitutionally composed
and cheerful«
»So she seems to me bless her The merry may laugh with mama but the weak
only will laugh at her She shall not be ridiculed with my consent at least
nor without my my scorn my antipathy my «
He stopped and it was time for he was getting excited more it seemed
than the occasion warranted I did not then know that he had witnessed double
cause for dissatisfaction with Miss Fanshawe The glow of his complexion the
expansion of his nostril the bold curve which disdain gave his wellcut under
lip showed him in a new and striking phase Yet the rare passion of the
constitutionally suave and serene is not a pleasant spectacle nor did I like
the sort of vindictive thrill which passed through his strong young frame
»Do I frighten you Lucy« he asked
»I cannot tell why you are so very angry«
»For this reason« he muttered in my ear »Ginevra is neither a pure angel
nor a pureminded woman«
»Nonsense you exaggerate she has no great harm in her«
»Too much for me I can see where you are blind Now dismiss the subject
Let me amuse myself by teasing mama I will assert that she is flagging Mama
pray rouse yourself«
»John I will certainly rouse you if you are not better conducted Will you
and Lucy be silent that I may hear the singing«
They were then thundering in a chorus under cover of which all the previous
dialogue had taken place
»You hear the singing mama Now I will wager my studs which are genuine
against your paste brooch «
»My paste brooch Graham Profane boy you know that it is a stone of
value«
»Oh that is one of your superstitions you were cheated in the business«
»I am cheated in fewer things than you imagine How do you happen to be
acquainted with young ladies of the court John I have observed two of them pay
you no small attention during the last half hour«
»I wish you would not observe them«
»Why not Because one of them satirically levels her eyeglass at me She is
a pretty silly girl but are you apprehensive that her titter will discomfit
the old lady«
»The sensible admirable old lady Mother you are better to me than ten
wives yet«
»Dont be demonstrative John or I shall faint and you will have to carry
me out and if that burden were laid upon you you would reverse your last
speech and exclaim Mother ten wives could hardly be worse to me than you
are«
The concert over the Lottery »au bénéfice des Pauvres« came next the interval
between was one of general relaxation and the pleasantest imaginable stir and
commotion The white flock was cleared from the platform a busy throng of
gentlemen crowded it instead making arrangements for the drawing and amongst
these the busiest of all reappeared that certain wellknown form not tall
but active alive with the energy and movement of three tall men How M Paul
did work How he issued directions and at the same time set his own shoulder
to the wheel Halfadozen assistants were at his beck to remove the pianos
etc no matter he must add to their strength his own The redundancy of his
alertness was halfvexing halfludicrous in my mind I both disapproved and
derided most of this fuss Yet in the midst of prejudice and annoyance I could
not while watching avoid perceiving a certain not disagreeable naïveté in all
he did and said nor could I be blind to certain vigorous characteristics of his
physiognomy rendered conspicuous now by the contrast with a throng of tamer
faces the deep intent keenness of his eye the power of his forehead pale
broad and full the mobility of his most flexible mouth He lacked the calm of
force but its movement and its fire he signally possessed
Meantime the whole hall was in a stir most people rose and remained
standing for a change some walked about all talked and laughed The crimson
compartment presented a peculiarly animated scene The long cloud of gentlemen
breaking into fragments mixed with the rainbow line of ladies two or three
officerlike men approached the King and conversed with him The Queen leaving
her chair glided along the rank of young ladies who all stood up as she
passed and to each in turn I saw her vouchsafe some token of kindness a
gracious word look or smile To the two pretty English girls Lady Sara and
Ginevra Fanshawe she addressed several sentences as she left them both and
especially the latter seemed to glow all over with gratification They were
afterwards accosted by several ladies and a little circle of gentlemen gathered
round them amongst these the nearest to Ginevra stood the Count de Hamal
»This room is stiflingly hot« said Dr Bretton rising with sudden
impatience »Lucy mother will you come a moment to the fresh air«
»Go with him Lucy« said Mrs Bretton »I would rather keep my seat«
Willingly would I have kept mine also but Grahams desire must take
precedence of my own I accompanied him
We found the nightair keen or at least I did he did not seem to feel it
but it was very still and the starsown sky spread cloudless I was wrapped in
a fur shawl We took some turns on the pavement in passing under a lamp Graham
encountered my eye
»You look pensive Lucy is it on my account«
»I was only fearing that you were grieved«
»Not at all so be of good cheer as I am Whenever I die Lucy my
persuasion is that it will not be of heartcomplaint I may be stung I may seem
to droop for a time but no pain or malady of sentiment has yet gone through my
whole system You have always seen me cheerful at home«
»Generally«
»I am glad she laughed at my mother I would not give the old lady for a
dozen beauties That sneer did me all the good in the world Thank you Miss
Fanshawe« And he lifted his hat from his waved locks and made a mock
reverence
»Yes« he said »I thank her She has made me feel that nine parts in ten of
my heart have always been sound as a bell and the tenth bled from a mere
puncture a lancetprick that will heal in a trice«
»You are angry just now heated and indignant you will think and feel
differently tomorrow«
»I heated and indignant You dont know me On the contrary the heat is
gone I am cool as the night which by the way may be too cool for you We
will go back«
»Dr John this is a sudden change«
»Not it or if it be there are good reasons for it two good reasons I
have told you one But now let us reenter«
We did not easily regain our seats the lottery was begun and all was
excited confusion crowds blocked the sort of corridor along which we had to
pass it was necessary to pause for a time Happening to glance round indeed I
half fancied I heard my name pronounced I saw quite near the ubiquitous the
inevitable M Paul He was looking at me gravely and intently at me or rather
at my pink dress sardonic comment on which gleamed in his eye Now it was his
habit to indulge in strictures on the dress both of the teachers and pupils at
Madame Becks a habit which the former, at least held to be an offensive
impertinence as yet I had not suffered from it my sombre daily attire not
being calculated to attract notice I was in no mood to permit any new
encroachment tonight rather than accept his banter I would ignore his
presence and accordingly steadily turned my face to the sleeve of Dr Johns
coat finding in that same black sleeve a prospect more redolent of pleasure and
comfort more genial more friendly I thought than was offered by the dark
little Professors unlovely visage Dr John seemed unconsciously to sanction
the preference by looking down and saying in his kind voice
»Ay keep close to my side Lucy these crowding burghers are no respecters
of persons«
I could not however be true to myself Yielding to some influence
mesmeric or otherwise an influence unwelcome displeasing but effective I
again glanced round to see if M Paul was gone No there he stood on the same
spot looking still but with a changed eye he had penetrated my thought and
read my wish to shun him The mocking but not illhumoured gaze was turned to a
swarthy frown and when I bowed with a view to conciliation I got only the
stiffest and sternest of nods in return
»Whom have you made angry Lucy« whispered Dr Bretton smiling »Who is
that savagelooking friend of yours«
»One of the professors at Madame Becks a very cross little man«
»He looks mighty cross just now what have you done to him What is it all
about Ah Lucy Lucy tell me the meaning of this«
»No mystery I assure you M Emanuel is very exigeant and because I looked
at your coat sleeve instead of curtseying and dipping to him he thinks I have
failed in respect.«
»The little « began Dr John I know not what more he would have added
for at that moment I was nearly thrown down amongst the feet of the crowd M
Paul had rudely pushed past and was elbowing his way with such utter disregard
to the convenience and security to all round him that a very uncomfortable
pressure was the consequence
»I think he is what he himself would call méchant« said Dr Bretton I
thought so too
Slowly and with difficulty we made our way along the passage and at last
regained our seats The drawing of the lottery lasted nearly an hour it was an
animating and amusing scene and as we each held tickets we shared in the
alternations of hope and fear raised by each turn of the wheel Two little
girls of five and six years old drew the numbers and the prizes were duly
proclaimed from the platform These prizes were numerous though of small value
It so fell out that Dr John and I each gained one mine was a cigarcase his
a ladys headdress a most airy sort of blue and silver turban with a
streamer of plumage on one side like a light snowy cloud He was excessively
anxious to make an exchange but I could not be brought to hear reason and to
this day I keep my cigarcase it serves when I look at it to remind me of old
times and one happy evening
Dr John for his part held his turban at arms length between his finger
and thumb and looked at it with a mixture of reverence and embarrassment highly
provocative of laughter The contemplation over he was about coolly to deposit
the delicate fabric on the ground between his feet he seemed to have no shadow
of an idea of the treatment or stowage it ought to receive if his mother had
not come to the rescue I think he would finally have crushed it under his arm
like an operahat she restored it to the bandbox whence it had issued
Graham was quite cheerful all the evening and his cheerfulness seemed
natural and unforced His demeanour his look is not easily described there
was something in it peculiar and in its way original I read in it no common
mastery of the passions and a fund of deep and healthy strength which without
any exhausting effort bore down Disappointment and extracted her fang His
manner now reminded me of qualities I had noticed in him when professionally
engaged amongst the poor the guilty and the suffering in the BasseVille he
looked at once determined enduring and sweettempered Who could help liking
him He betrayed no weakness which harassed all your feelings with
considerations as to how its faltering must be propped from him broke no
irritability which startled calm and quenched mirth his lips let fall no
caustic that burned to the bone his eye shot no morose shafts that went cold
and rusty and venomed through your heart beside him was rest and refuge
around him fostering sunshine
And yet he had neither forgiven nor forgotten Miss Fanshawe Once angered I
doubt if Dr Bretton were to be soon propitiated once alienated whether he
were ever to be reclaimed He looked at her more than once not stealthily or
humbly but with a movement of hardy open observation De Hamal was now a
fixture beside her Mrs Cholmondeley sat near and they and she were wholly
absorbed in the discourse mirth and excitement with which the crimson seats
were as much astir as any plebeian part of the hall In the course of some
apparently animated discussion Ginevra once or twice lifted her hand and arm a
handsome bracelet gleamed upon the latter I saw that its gleam flickered in Dr
Johns eye quickening therein a derisive ireful sparkle he laughed
»I think« he said »I will lay my turban on my wonted altar of offerings
there at any rate it would be certain to find favour no grisette has a more
facile faculty of acceptance Strange for after all I know she is a girl of
family«
»But you dont know her education Dr John« said I »Tossed about all her
life from one foreign school to another she may justly proffer the plea of
ignorance in extenuation of most of her faults And then from what she says I
believe her father and mother were brought up much as she has been brought up«
»I always understood she had no fortune and once I had pleasure in the
thought« said he
»She tells me« I answered »that they are poor at home she always speaks
quite candidly on such points you never find her lying as these foreigners
will often lie Her parents have a large family they occupy such a station and
possess such connections as in their opinion demand display stringent
necessity of circumstances and inherent thoughtlessness of disposition combined
have engendered reckless unscrupulousness as to how they obtain the means of
sustaining a good appearance This is the state of things and the only state of
things she has seen from childhood upwards«
»I believe it and I thought to mould her to something better but Lucy
to speak the plain truth I have felt a new thing tonight in looking at her
and De Hamal I felt it before noticing the impertinence directed at my mother
I saw a look interchanged between them immediately after their entrance which
threw a most unwelcome light on my mind«
»How do you mean You have long been aware of the flirtation they keep up«
»Ay flirtation That might be an innocent girlish wile to lure on the true
lover but what I refer to was not flirtation it was a look marking mutual and
secret understanding it was neither girlish nor innocent No woman were she
as beautiful as Aphrodite who could give or receive such a glance shall ever
be sought in marriage by me I would rather wed a paysanne in a short petticoat
and high cap and be sure that she was honest«
I could not help smiling I felt sure he now exaggerated the case Ginevra
I was certain was honest enough with all her giddiness I told him so He
shook his head and said he would not be the man to trust her with his honour
»The only thing« said I »with which you may safely trust her She would
unscrupulously damage a husbands purse and property recklessly try his
patience and temper I dont think she would breathe or let another breathe on
his honour«
»You are becoming her advocate« said he »Do you wish me to resume my old
chains«
»No I am glad to see you free and trust that free you will long remain
Yet be at the same time just«
»I am so just as Rhadamanthus Lucy When once I am thoroughly estranged I
cannot help being severe But look the King and Queen are rising I like that
Queen she has a sweet countenance Mama too is excessively tired we shall
never get the old lady home if we stay longer«
»I tired John« cried Mrs Bretton looking at least as animated and as
wideawake as her son »I would undertake to sit you out yet leave us both here
till morning and we should see which would look the most jaded by sunrise«
»I should not like to try the experiment for in truth mama you are the
most unfading of evergreens and the freshest of matrons It must then be on the
plea of your sons delicate nerves and fragile constitution that I found a
petition for our speedy adjournment«
»Indolent young man You wish you were in bed no doubt and I suppose you
must be humoured There is Lucy too looking quite done up For shame Lucy At
your age a week of eveningsout would not have made me a shade paler Come
away both of you and you may laugh at the old lady as much as you please but
for my part I shall take charge of the bandbox and turban«
Which she did accordingly I offered to relieve her but was shaken off with
kindly contempt my godmother opined that I had enough to do to take care of
myself Not standing on ceremony now in the midst of the gay »confusion worse
confounded« succeeding to the King and Queens departure Mrs Bretton preceded
us and promptly made us a lane through the crowd Graham followed
apostrophizing his mother as the most flourishing grisette it had ever been his
good fortune to see charged with carriage of a bandbox he also desired me to
mark her affection for the skyblue turban and announced his conviction that
she intended one day to wear it
The night was now very cold and very dark but with little delay we found
the carriage Soon we were packed in it as warm and as snug as at a fireside
and the drive home was I think still pleasanter than the drive to the concert
Pleasant it was even though the coachman having spent in the shop of a
marchand de vin a portion of the time we passed at the concert drove us along
the dark and solitary chaussée far past the turn leading down to La Terrasse
we who were occupied in talking and laughing not noticing the aberration
till at last Mrs Bretton intimated that though she had always thought the
château a retired spot she did know it was situated at the worlds end as she
declared seemed now to be the case for she believed we had been an hour and a
half en route and had not yet taken the turn down the avenue
Then Graham looked out and perceiving only dimspread fields with
unfamiliar rows of pollards and limes ranged along their else invisible
sunkfences began to conjecture how matters were and calling a halt and
descending he mounted the box and took the reins himself Thanks to him we
arrived safe at home about an hour and a half beyond our time
Martha had not forgotten us a cheerful fire was burning and a neat supper
spread in the diningroom we were glad of both The winter dawn was actually
breaking before we gained our chambers I took off my pink dress and lace mantle
with happier feelings than I had experienced in putting them on Not all
perhaps who had shone brightly arrayed at that concert could say the same for
not all had been satisfied with friendship with its calm comfort and modest
hope
Chapter XXI
Reaction
Yet three days and then I must go back to the Pensionnat I almost numbered the
moments of these days upon the clock fain would I have retarded their flight
but they glided by while I watched them they were already gone while I yet
feared their departure
»Lucy will not leave us today« said Mrs Bretton coaxingly at breakfast
»she knows we can procure a second respite«
»I would not ask for one if I might have it for a word« said I »I long to
get the goodbye over and to be settled in the Rue Fossette again I must go
this morning I must go directly my trunk is packed and corded«
It appeared however that my going depended upon Graham he had said he
would accompany me and it so fell out that he was engaged all day and only
returned home at dusk Then ensued a little combat of words Mrs Bretton and
her son pressed me to remain one night more I could have cried so irritated
and eager was I to be gone I longed to leave them as the criminal on the
scaffold longs for the axe to descend that is I wished the pang over How much
I wished it they could not tell On these points mine was a state of mind out
of their experience
It was dark when Dr John handed me from the carriage at Madame Becks door
The lamp above was lit it rained a November drizzle as it had rained all day
the lamplight gleamed on the wet pavement Just such a night was it as that on
which not a year ago I had first stopped at this very threshold just similar
was the scene I remembered the very shapes of the pavingstones which I had
noted with idle eye while with a thickbeating heart I waited the unclosing
of that door at which I stood a solitary and a suppliant On that night too
I had briefly met him who now stood with me Had I ever reminded him of that
rencontre or explained it I had not nor ever felt the inclination to do so
it was a pleasant thought laid by in my own mind and best kept there
Graham rung the bell The door was instantly opened for it was just that
period of the evening when the halfboarders took their departure
consequently Rosine was on the alert
»Do nt come in« said I to him but he stepped a moment into the
welllighted vestibule I had not wished him to see that »the water stood in my
eyes« for his was too kind a nature ever to be needlessly shown such signs of
sorrow He always wished to heal to relieve when physician as he was
neither cure nor alleviation were perhaps in his power
»Keep up your courage Lucy Think of my mother and myself as true friends
We will not forget you«
»Nor will I forget you Dr John«
My trunk was now brought in We had shaken hands he had turned to go but
he was not satisfied he had not done or said enough to content his generous
impulses
»Lucy« stepping after me »shall you feel very solitary here«
»At first I shall«
»Well my mother will soon call to see you and meantime Ill tell you
what Ill do Ill write just any cheerful nonsense that comes into my head
shall I«
»Good gallant heart« thought I to myself but I shook my head smiling
and said »Never think of it impose on yourself no such task You write to me
youll not have time«
»Oh I will find or make time Goodbye«
He was gone The heavy door crashed to the axe had fallen the pang was
experienced
Allowing myself no time to think or feel swallowing tears as if they had
been wine I passed to madames sittingroom to pay the necessary visit of
ceremony and respect She received me with perfectly wellacted cordiality was
even demonstrative though brief in her welcome In ten minutes I was
dismissed From the salle à manger I proceeded to the refectory where pupils
and teachers were now assembled for evening study again I had a welcome and
one not I think quite hollow That over I was free to repair to the
dormitory
»And will Graham really write« I questioned as I sank tired on the edge of
the bed
Reason coming stealthily up to me through the twilight of that long dim
chamber whispered sedately
»He may write once So kind is his nature it may stimulate him for once to
make the effort But it cannot be continued it may not be repeated Great were
that folly which should build on such a promise insane that credulity which
should mistake the transitory rainpool holding in its hollow one draught for
the perennial spring yielding the supply of seasons«
I bent my head I sat thinking an hour longer Reason still whispered me
laying on my shoulder a withered hand and frostily touching my ear with the
chill blue lips of eld
»If« muttered she »if he should write what then Do you meditate pleasure
in replying Ah fool I warn you Brief be your answer Hope no delight of
heart no indulgence of intellect grant no expansion to feeling give holiday
to no single faculty dally with no friendly exchange foster no genial
intercommunion «
»But I have talked to Graham and you did not chide« I pleaded
»No« said she »I needed not Talk for you is good discipline You converse
imperfectly While you speak there can be no oblivion of inferiority no
encouragement to delusion pain privation penury stamp your language «
»But« I again broke in »where the bodily presence is weak and the speech
contemptible surely there cannot be error in making written language the medium
of better utterance than faltering lips can achieve«
Reason only answered »At your peril you cherish that idea or suffer its
influence to animate any writing of yours«
»But if I feel may I never express«
»Never« declared Reason
I groaned under her bitter sternness Never never oh hard word This
hag this Reason would not let me look up or smile or hope she could not
rest unless I were altogether crushed cowed brokenin and brokendown
According to her I was born only to work for a piece of bread to await the
pains of death and steadily through all life to despond Reason might be right
yet no wonder we are glad at times to defy her to rush from under her rod and
give a truant hour to Imagination her soft bright foe our sweet Help our
divine Hope We shall and must break bounds at intervals despite the terrible
revenge that awaits our return Reason is vindictive as a devil for me she was
always envenomed as a stepmother If I have obeyed her it has chiefly been with
the obedience of fear not of love Long ago I should have died of her
illusage her stint her chill her barren board her icy bed her savage
ceaseless blows but for that kinder Power who holds my secret and sworn
allegiance Often has Reason turned me out by night in midwinter on cold
snow flinging for sustenance the gnawed bone dogs had forsaken sternly has she
vowed her stores held nothing more for me harshly denied my right to ask
better things Then looking up have I seen in the sky a head amidst
circling stars of which the midmost and the brightest lent a ray sympathetic
and attent A spirit softer and better than Human Reason, has descended with
quiet flight to the waste bringing all round her a sphere of air borrowed of
eternal summer bringing perfume of flowers which cannot fadefragrance of trees
whose fruit is life bringing breezes pure from a world whose day needs no sun
to lighten it My hunger has this good angel appeased with food sweet and
strange gathered amongst gleaming angels garnering their dewwhite harvest in
the first fresh hour of a heavenly day tenderly has she assuaged the
insufferable tears which weep away life itself kindly given rest to deadly
weariness generously lent hope and impulse to paralyzed despair Divine
compassionate succourable influence When I bend the knee to other than God it
shall be at thy white and winged feet beautiful on mountain or on plain
Temples have been reared to the Sun altars dedicated to the Moon Oh greater
glory To thee neither hands build nor lips consecrate but hearts through
ages are faithful to thy worship A dwelling thou hast too wide for walls too
high for dome a temple whose floors are space rites whose mysteries
transpire in presence to the kindling the harmony of worlds
Sovereign complete thou hadst for endurance thy great army of martyrs
for achievement thy chosen band of worthies Deity unquestioned thine essence
foils decay
This daughter of Heaven remembered me tonight she saw me weep and she came
with comfort »Sleep« she said »Sleep sweetly I gild thy dreams«
She kept her word and watched me through a nights rest but at dawn Reason
relieved the guard I awoke with a sort of start the rain was dashing against
the panes and the wind uttering a peevish cry at intervals the nightlamp was
dying on the black circular stand in the middle of the dormitory day had
already broken How I pity those whom mental pain stuns instead of rousing This
morning the pang of waking snatched me out of bed like a hand with a giants
gripe How quickly I dressed in the cold of the raw dawn How deeply I drank of
the icecold water in my carafe This was always my cordial to which like
other dramdrinkers I had eager recourse when unsettled by chagrin
Ere long the bell rang its réveillée to the whole school Being dressed I
descended alone to the refectory where the stove was lit and the air was warm
through the rest of the house it was cold with the nipping severity of a
continental winter though now but the beginning of November a north wind had
thus early brought a wintry blight over Europe I remember the black stoves
pleased me little when I first came but now I began to associate with them a
sense of comfort and liked them as in England we like a fireside
Sitting down before this dark comforter I presently fell into a deep
argument with myself on life and its chances on destiny and her decrees My
mind calmer and stronger now than last night made for itself some imperious
rules prohibiting under deadly penalties all weak retrospect of happiness past
commanding a patient journeying through the wilderness of the present enjoining
a reliance on faith a watching of the cloud and pillar which subdue while they
guide and awe while they illumine hushing the impulse to fond idolatry
checking the longing outlook for a faroff promised land whose rivers are
perhaps never to be reached save in dying dreams whose sweet pastures are to
be viewed but from the desolate and sepulchral summit of a Nebo
By degrees a composite feeling of blended strength and pain wound itself
wirily round my heart sustained or at least restrained its throbbings and
made me fit for the days work I lifted my head
As I said before I was sitting near the stove let into the wall beneath
the refectory and the carré and thus sufficing to heat both apartments
Piercing the same wall and close beside the stove was a window looking also
into the carré as I looked up a captassel a brow two eyes filled a pane of
that window the fixed gaze of those two eyes hit right against my own glance
they were watching me I had not till that moment known that tears were on my
cheek but I felt them now
This was a strange house where no corner was sacred from intrusion where
not a tear could be shed nor a thought pondered but a spy was at hand to note
and to divine And this new this outdoor this male spy what business had
brought him to the premises at this unwonted hour What possible right had he to
intrude on me thus No other professor would have dared to cross the carré
before the class-bell rang M Emanuel took no account of hours nor of claims
there was some book of reference in the firstclass library which he had
occasion to consult he had come to seek it on his way he passed the refectory
It was very much his habit to wear eyes before behind and on each side of him
he had seen me through the little window he now opened the refectory door and
there he stood
»Mademoiselle vous êtes triste«
»Monsieur jen ai bien le droit«
»Vous êtes malade de coeur et dhumeur« he pursued »You are at once
mournful and mutinous I see on your cheek two tears which I know are hot as two
sparks and salt as two crystals of the sea While I speak you eye me strangely
Shall I tell you of what I am reminded while watching you«
»Monsieur I shall be called away to prayers shortly my time for
conversation is very scant and brief at this hour excuse «
»I excuse everything« he interrupted »my mood is so meek neither rebuff
nor perhaps insult could ruffle it You remind me then of a young she wild
creature new caught untamed viewing with a mixture of fire and fear the first
entrance of the breakerin«
Unwarrantable accost rash and rude if addressed to a pupil to a teacher
inadmissible He thought to provoke a warm reply I had seen him vex the
passionate to explosion before now In me his malice should find no
gratification I sat silent
»You look« said he »like one who would snatch at a draught of sweet
poison and spurn wholesome bitters with disgust«
»Indeed I never liked bitters nor do I believe them wholesome And to
whatever is sweet be it poison or food you cannot at least deny its own
delicious quality sweetness Better perhaps to die quickly a pleasant death
than drag on long a charmless life«
»Yet« said he »you should take your bitter dose duly and daily if I had
the power to administer it and as to the wellbeloved poison I would
perhaps break the very cup which held it«
I sharply turned my head away partly because his presence utterly
displeased me and partly because I wished to shun questions lest in my
present mood the effort of answering should overmaster selfcommand
»Come« said he more softly »tell me the truth you grieve at being
parted from friends is it not so«
The insinuating softness was not more acceptable than the inquisitorial
curiosity I was silent He came into the room sat down on the bench about two
yards from me and persevered long and for him patiently in attempts to draw
me into conversation attempts necessarily unavailing because I could not
talk At last I entreated to be let alone In uttering the request my voice
faltered my head sank on my arms and the table I wept bitterly though
quietly He sat a while longer I did not look up nor speak till the closing
door and his retreating step told me that he was gone These tears proved a
relief
I had time to bathe my eyes before breakfast and I suppose I appeared at
that meal as serene as any other person not however quite as jocundlooking
as the young lady who placed herself in the seat opposite mine fixed on me a
pair of somewhat small eyes twinkling gleefully and frankly stretched across
the table a white hand to be shaken Miss Fanshawes travels gaieties and
flirtations agreed with her mightily she had become quite plump her cheeks
looked as round as apples I had seen her last in elegant evening attire I
dont know that she looked less charming now in her schooldress a kind of
careless peignoir of a darkblue material dimly and dingily plaided with black
I even think this dusky wrapper gave her charms a triumph enhancing by contrast
the fairness of her skin the freshness of her bloom the golden beauty of her
tresses
»I am glad you are come back Timon« said she Timon was one of her dozen
names for me »You dont know how often I have wanted you in this dismal hole«
»Oh have you Then of course it you wanted me you have something for me
to do stockings to mend perhaps« I never gave Ginevra a minutes or a
farthings credit for disinterestedness
»Crabbed and crusty as ever« said she »I expected as much it would not be
you if you did not snub one But now come grandmother I hope you like coffee
as much and pistolets as little as ever are you disposed to barter«
»Take your own way«
This way consisted in a habit she had of making me convenient She did not
like the morning cup of coffee its school brewage not being strong or sweet
enough to suit her palate and she had an excellent appetite like any other
healthy schoolgirl for the morning pistolets or rolls which were newbaked
and very good and of which a certain allowance was served to each This
allowance being more than I needed I gave half to Ginevra never varying in my
preference though many others used to covet the superfluity and she in return
would sometimes give me a portion of her coffee This morning I was glad of the
draught hunger I had none and with thirst I was parched I dont know why I
choose to give my bread rather to Ginevra than to another nor why if two had
to share the convenience of one drinkingvessel as sometimes happened for
instance when we took a long walk into the country and halted for refreshment
at a farm I always contrived that she should be my convive and rather liked
to let her take the lions share whether of the white beer the sweet wine or
the new milk so it was however and she knew it and therefore while we
wrangled daily we were never alienated
After breakfast my custom was to withdraw to the first classe and sit and
read or think oftenest the latter there alone till the nine oclock bell
threw open all doors admitted the gathered rush of externes and
demipensionnaires and gave the signal for entrance on that bustle and business
to which till five PM there was no relax
I was just seated this morning when a tap came to the door
»Pardon mademoiselle« said a pensionnaire entering gently and having
taken from her desk some necessary book or paper she withdrew on tiptoe
murmuring as she passed me »Que mademoiselle est appliquée«
Appliquée indeed The means of application were spread before me but I was
doing nothing and had done nothing and meant to do nothing Thus does the
world give us credit for merits we have not Madame Beck herself deemed me a
regular basbleu and often and solemnly used to warn me not to study too much
lest »the blood should all go to my head« Indeed everybody in the Rue Fossette
held a superstition that »Meess Lucie« was learned with the notable exception
of M Emanuel who by means peculiar to himself and quite inscrutable to me
had obtained a not inaccurate inkling of my real qualifications and used to
take quiet opportunities of chuckling in my ear his malign glee over their scant
measure For my part I never troubled myself about this penury I dearly like
to think my own thoughts I had great pleasure in reading a few books but not
many preferring always those in whose style or sentiment the writers
individual nature was plainly stamped flagging inevitably over characterless
books however clever and meritorious perceiving well that as far as my own
mind was concerned God had limited its powers and its action thankful I
trust for the gift bestowed but unambitious of higher endowments not
restlessly eager after higher culture
The polite pupil was scarcely gone when unceremoniously without tap in
burst a second intruder Had I been blind I should have known who this was A
constitutional reserve of manner had by this time told with wholesome and for
me commodious effect on the manners of my coinmates rarely did I now suffer
from rude or intrusive treatment When I first came it would happen once and
again that a blunt German would clap me on the shoulder and ask me to run a
race or a riotous Labassecourienne seize me by the arm and drag me towards the
playground urgent proposals to take a swing at the »Pas de Géant« or to join
in a certain romping hideandseek game called »Un deux trois« were formerly
also of hourly occurrence but all these little attentions had ceased some time
ago ceased too without my finding it necessary to be at the trouble of
pointblank cutting them short I had now no familiar demonstration to dread or
endure save from one quarter and as that was English I could bear it Ginevra
Fanshawe made no scruple of at times catching me as I was crossing the
carré whirling me round in a compulsory waltz and heartily enjoying the mental
and physical discomfiture her proceeding induced Ginevra Fanshawe it was who
now broke in upon my »learned leisure« She carried a huge musicbook under her
arm
»Go to your practising« said I to her at once »away with you to the little
salon«
»Not till I have had a talk with you chère amie I know where you have been
spending your vacation and how you have commenced sacrificing to the graces
and enjoying life like any other belle I saw you at the concert the other
night dressed actually like anybody else Who is your tailleuse«
»Tittletattle how prettily it begins My tailleuse a fiddlestick Come
sheer off Ginevra I really dont want your company«
»But when I want yours so much ange farouche what does a little reluctance
on your part signify Dieu merci we know how to manoeuvre with our gifted
compatriote the learned ourse Britannique And so Ourson you know Isidore«
»I know John Bretton«
»Oh hush« putting her fingers in her ears »you crack my tympanums with
your rude Anglicisms But how is our wellbeloved John Do tell me about him
The poor man must be in a sad way What did he say to my behaviour the other
night Wasnt I cruel«
»Do you think I noticed you«
»It was a delightful evening Oh that divine de Hamal And then to watch
the other sulking and dying in the distance and the old lady my future
mamainlaw But I am afraid I and Lady Sara were a little rude in quizzing
her«
»Lady Sara never quizzed her at all and for what you did dont make
yourself in the least uneasy Mrs Bretton will survive your sneer«
»She may old ladies are tough but that poor son of hers Do tell me what
he said I saw he was terribly cut up«
»He said you looked as if at heart you were already Madame de Hamal«
»Did he« she cried with delight »He noticed that How charming I thought
he would be mad with jealousy«
»Ginevra have you seriously done with Dr Bretton Do you want him to give
you up«
»Oh you know he cant do that but wasnt he mad«
»Quite mad« I assented »as mad as a March hare«
»Well and how ever did you get him home«
»How ever indeed Have you no pity on his poor mother and me Fancy us
holding him tight down in the carriage and he raving between us fit to drive
everybody delirious The very coachman went wrong somehow and we lost our
way«
»You dont say so You are laughing at me Now Lucy Snowe «
»I assure you it is fact and fact also that Dr Bretton would not stay
in the carriage he broke from us and would ride outside«
»And afterwards«
»Afterwards when we did reach home the scene transcends description«
»Oh but describe it you know it is such fun«
»Fun for you Miss Fanshawe but« with stern gravity »you know the proverb
What is sport to one may be death to another«
»Go on theres a darling Timon«
»Conscientiously I cannot unless you assure me you have some heart«
»I have such an immensity you dont know«
»Good In that case you will be able to conceive Dr Graham Bretton
rejecting his supper in the first instance the chicken the sweetbread
prepared for his refreshment left on the table untouched Then but it is of
no use dwelling at length on harrowing details Suffice it to say that never
in the most stormy fits and moments of his infancy had his mother such work to
tuck the sheets about him as she had that night«
»He wouldnt lie still«
»He wouldnt lie still there it was The sheets might be tucked in but the
thing was to keep them tucked in«
»And what did he say«
»Say Cant you imagine him demanding his divine Ginevra anathematizing
that demon De Hamal raving about golden locks blue eyes white arms
glittering bracelets«
»No did he He saw the bracelet«
»Saw the bracelet Yes as plain as I saw it and perhaps for the first
time he saw also the brandmark with which its pressure has circled your arm
Ginevra« rising and changing my tone »come we will have an end of this Go
away to your practising« And I opened the door
»But youve not told me all«
»You had better not wait until I do tell you all Such extra
communicativeness could give you no pleasure March«
»Cross thing« said she but she obeyed and indeed the first classe was
my territory and she could not there legally resist a notice of quittance from
me
Yet to speak the truth never had I been less dissatisfied with her than I
was then There was pleasure in thinking of the contrast between the reality and
my description to remember Dr John enjoying the drive home eating his supper
with relish and retiring to rest with Christian composure It was only when I
saw him really unhappy that I felt really vexed with the fair frail cause of
his suffering
A fortnight passed I was getting once more inured to the harness of school and
lapsing from the passionate pain of change to the palsy of custom One afternoon
in crossing the carré on my way to the first class where I was expected to
assist at a lesson of »style and literature« I saw standing by one of the long
and large windows Rosine the portress Her attitude as usual was quite
nonchalante She always »stood at ease« one of her hands rested in her
apronpocket the other at this moment held to her eyes a letter whereof
Mademoiselle coolly perused the address and deliberately studied the seal
A letter The shape of a letter similar to that had haunted my brain in its
very core for seven days past I had dreamed of a letter last night Strong
magnetism drew me to that letter now yet whether I should have ventured to
demand of Rosine so much as a glance at that white envelope with the spot of
red wax in the middle I know not No I think I should have sneaked past in
terror of a rebuff from Disappointment my heart throbbed now as if I already
heard the tramp of her approach Nervous mistake It was the rapid step of the
Professor of Literature measuring the corridor I fled before him Could I but
be seated quietly at my desk before his arrival with the class under my orders
all in disciplined readiness he would perhaps exempt me from notice but if
caught lingering in the carré I should be sure to come in for a special
harangue I had time to get seated to enforce perfect silence to take out my
work and to commence it amidst the profoundest and best trained hush ere M
Emanuel entered with his vehement burst of latch and panel and his deep
redundant bow prophetic of choler
As usual he broke upon us like a clap of thunder but instead of flashing
lightningwise from the door to the estrade his career halted midway at my
desk Setting his face towards me and the window his back to the pupils and the
room he gave me a look such a look as might have licensed me to stand
straight up and demand what he meant a look of scowling distrust
»Voilà pour vous« said he drawing his hand from his waistcoat and
placing on my desk a letter the very letter I had seen in Rosines hand the
letter whose face of enamelled white and single Cyclopseye of vermilionred
had printed themselves so clear and perfect on the retina of an inward vision I
knew it I felt it to be the letter of my hope the fruition of my wish the
release from my doubt the ransom from my terror This letter M Paul with his
unwarrantably interfering habits had taken from the portress and now delivered
it himself
I might have been angry but had not a second for the sensation Yes I held
in my hand not a slight note but an envelope which must at least contain a
sheet it felt not flimsy but firm substantial satisfying And here was the
direction »Miss Lucy Snowe« in a clean clear equal decided hand and here
was the seal round full deftly dropped by untremulous fingers stamped with
the wellcut impress of initials JGB I experienced a happy feeling a glad
emotion which went warm to my heart and ran lively through all my veins For
once a hope was realized I held in my hand a morsel of real solid joy not a
dream not an image of the brain not one of those shadowy chances imagination
pictures and on which humanity starves but cannot live not a mess of that
manna I drearily eulogized awhile ago which indeed at first melts on the
lips with an unspeakable and preternatural sweetness but which in the end our
souls full surely loathe longing deliriously for natural and earthgrown food
wildly praying Heavens Spirits to reclaim their own spiritdew and essence an
aliment divine but for mortals deadly It was neither sweet hail nor small
corianderseed neither slight wafer nor luscious honey I had lighted on it
was the wild savoury mess of the hunter nourishing and salubrious meat
forestfed or desertreared fresh healthful and lifesustaining It was what
the old dying patriarch demanded of his son Esau promising him in requital the
blessing of his last breath It was a godsend and I inwardly thanked the God
who had vouchsafed it Outwardly I only thanked man crying »Thank you thank
you Monsieur«
Monsieur curled his lip gave me a vicious glance of the eye and strode to
his estrade M Paul was not at all a good little man though he had good
points
Did I read my letter there and then Did I consume the venison at once and
with haste as if Esaus shaft flew every day
I knew better The cover with its address the seal with its three clear
letters was bounty and abundance for the present I stole from the room I
procured the key of the great dormitory which was kept locked by day I went to
my bureau with a sort of haste and trembling lest Madame should creep upstairs
and spy me I opened a drawer unlocked a box and took out a case and having
feasted my eyes with one more look and approached the seal with mixture of awe
and shame and delight to my lips I folded the untasted treasure yet all fair
and inviolate in silver paper committed it to the case shut up box and
drawer reclosed relocked the dormitory and returned to class feeling as if
fairy tales were true and fairy gifts no dream Strange sweet insanity And
this letter the source of my joy I had not yet read did not yet know the
number of its lines
When I reentered the schoolroom behold M Paul raging like a pestilence
Some pupil had not spoken audibly or distinctly enough to suit his ear and
taste and now she and others were weeping and he was raving from his estrade
almost livid Curious to mention as I appeared he fell on me
»Was I the mistress of these girls Did I profess to teach them the conduct
befitting ladies and did I permit and he doubted not encourage them to
strangle their mothertongue in their throats to mince and mash it between
their teeth as if they had some base cause to be ashamed of the words they
uttered Was this modesty He knew better It was a vile pseudo sentiment the
offspring or the forerunner of evil Rather than submit to this mopping and
mowing this mincing and grimacing this grinding of a noble tongue this
general affectation and sickening stubbornness of the pupils of the first class
he would throw them up for a set of insupportable petites maîtresses and
confine himself to teaching the A B C to the babies of the third division«
What could I say to all this Really nothing and I hoped he would allow me
to be silent The storm recommenced
»Every answer to his queries was then refused It seemed to be considered in
that place that conceited boudoir of a first class with its pretentious
bookcases its greenbaized desks its rubbish of flowerstands its trash of
framed pictures and maps and its foreign surveillante forsooth it seemed to
be the fashion to think there that the Professor of Literature was not worthy of
a reply These were new ideas imported he did not doubt straight from la
Grande Bretaigne they savoured of island insolence and arrogance«
Lull the second the girls not one of whom was ever known to weep a tear
for the rebukes of any other master now all melting like snowstatues before
the intemperate heat of M Emanuel I not yet much shaken sitting down and
venturing to resume my work
Something either in my continued silence or in the movement of my hand
stitching transported M Emanuel beyond the last boundary of patience he
actually sprung from his estrade The stove stood near my desk and he attacked
it the little iron door was nearly dashed from its hinges the fuel was made to
fly
»Estce que vous avez lintention de minsulter« said he to me in a low
furious voice as he thus outraged under pretence of arranging the fire
It was time to soothe him a little if possible
»Mais monsieur« said I »I would not insult you for the world I remember
too well that you once said we should be friends«
I did not intend my voice to falter but it did more I think through the
agitation of late delight than in any spasm of present fear Still there
certainly was something in M Pauls anger a kind of passion of emotion that
specially tended to draw tears I was not unhappy nor much afraid yet I wept
»Allons allons« said he presently looking round and seeing the deluge
universal »Decidedly I am a monster and a ruffian I have only one
pockethandkerchief« he added »but if I had twenty I would offer you each
one Your teacher shall be your representative Here Miss Lucy«
And he took forth and held out to me a clean silk handkerchief Now a person
who did not know M Paul who was unused to him and his impulses would
naturally have bungled at this offer declined accepting the same etcetera
But I too plainly felt this would never do the slightest hesitation would have
been fatal to the incipient treaty of peace I rose and met the handkerchief
halfway received it with decorum wiped therewith my eyes and resuming my
seat and retaining the flag of truce in my hand and on my lap took especial
care during the remainder of the lesson to touch neither needle nor thimble
scissors nor muslin Many a jealous glance did M Paul cast at these implements
he hated them mortally considering sewing a source of distraction from the
attention due to himself A very eloquent lesson he gave and very kind and
friendly was he to the close Ere he had done the clouds were dispersed and the
sun shining out tears were exchanged for smiles
In quitting the room he paused once more at my desk
»And your letter« said he this time not quite fiercely
»I have not yet read it monsieur«
»Ah it is too good to read at once you save it as when I was a boy I
used to save a peach whose bloom was very ripe«
The guess came so near the truth I could not prevent a suddenlyrising
warmth in my face from revealing as much
»You promise yourself a pleasant moment« said he »in reading that letter
you will open it when alone nest ce pas Ah a smile answers Well well one
should not be too harsh la jeunesse na quun temps«
»Monsieur monsieur« I cried or rather whispered after him as he turned to
go »do not leave me under a mistake This is merely a friends letter Without
reading it I can vouch for that«
»Je conçois je conçois on sait ce que cest quun ami Bonjour
mademoiselle«
»But monsieur here is your handkerchief«
»Keep it keep it till the letter is read then bring it me I shall read
the billets tenor in your eyes«
When he was gone the pupils having already poured out of the schoolroom
into the berceau and thence into the garden and court to take their customary
recreation before the five oclock dinner I stood a moment thinking and
absently twisting the handkerchief round my arm For some reason gladdened I
think by a sudden return of the golden glimmer of childhood roused by an
unwonted renewal of its buoyancy made merry by the liberty of the closing hour
and above all solaced at heart by the joyous consciousness of that treasure in
the case box drawer upstairs I fell to playing with the handkerchief as if
it were a ball casting it into the air and catching it as it fell The game was
stopped by another hand than mine a hand emerging from a paletotsleeve and
stretched over my shoulder it caught the extemporized plaything and bore it
away with these sullen words
»Je vois bien que vous vous moquez de moi et de mes effets«
Really that little man was dreadful a mere sprite of caprice and ubiquity
one never knew either his whim or his whereabout
Chapter XXII
The Letter
When all was still in the house when dinner was over and the noisy
recreationhour past when darkness had set in and the quiet lamp of study was
lit in the refectory when the externes were gone home the clashing door and
clamorous bell hushed for the evening when Madame was safely settled in the
salle à manger in company with her mother and some friends I then glided to the
kitchen begged a bougie for one half hour for a particular occasion found
acceptance of my petition at the hands of my friend Goton who answered »Mais
certainement chouchou vous en aurez deux si vous voulez« And light in hand
I mounted noiseless to the dormitory
Great was my chagrin to find in that apartment a pupil gone to bed
indisposed greater when I recognized amid the muslin nightcap borders the
figure chiffonée of Mistress Ginevra Fanshawe supine at this moment it is true
but certain to wake and overwhelm me with chatter when the interruption would
be least acceptable indeed as I watched her a slight twinkling of the eyelids
warned me that the present appearance of repose might be but a ruse assumed to
cover sly vigilance over Timons movements she was not to be trusted And I had
so wished to be alone just to read my precious letter in peace
Well I must go to the classes Having sought and found my prize in its
casket I descended Illluck pursued me The classes were undergoing sweeping
and purification by candlelight according to hebdomadal custom benches were
piled on desks the air was dim with dust damp coffeegrounds used by
Labassecourien housemaids instead of tealeaves darkened the floor all was
hopeless confusion Baffled but not beaten I withdrew bent as resolutely as
ever on finding solitude somewhere
Taking a key whereof I knew the repository I mounted three staircases in
succession reached a dark narrow silent landing opened a wormeaten door
and dived into the deep black cold garret Here none would follow me none
interrupt not Madame herself I shut the garretdoor I placed my light on a
doddered and mouldy chest of drawers I put on a shawl for the air was
icecold I took my letter trembling with sweet impatience I broke its seal
»Will it be long will it be short« thought I passing my hand across my
eyes to dissipate the silvery dimness of a suave south wind shower
It was long
»Will it be cool will it be kind«
It was kind
To my checked bridled disciplined expectation it seemed very kind to my
longing and famished thought it seemed perhaps kinder than it was
So little had I hoped so much had I feared there was a fullness of delight
in this taste of fruition such perhaps as many a human being passes through
life without ever knowing The poor English teacher in the frosty garret
reading by a dim candle guttering in the wintry air a letter simply
goodnatured nothing more though that goodnature then seemed to me godlike
was happier than most queens in palaces
Of course happiness of such shallow origin could but be brief yet while
it lasted it was genuine and exquisite a bubble but a sweet bubble of real
honeydew Dr John had written to me at length he had written to me with
pleasure he had written in benignant mood dwelling with sunny satisfaction on
scenes that had passed before his eyes and mine on places we had visited
together on conversations we had held on all the little subjectmatter in
short of the last few halcyon weeks But the cordial core of the delight was a
conviction the blithe genial language generously imparted that it had been
poured out not merely to content me but to gratify himself A gratification
he might never more desire never more seek an hypothesis in every point of
view approaching the certain but that concerned the future This present moment
had no pain no blot no want full pure perfect it deeply blessed me A
passing seraph seemed to have rested beside me leaned towards my heart and
reposed on its throb a softening cooling healing hallowing wing Dr John
you pained me afterwards forgiven be every ill freely forgiven for the sake
of that one dear remembered good
Are there wicked things not human which envy human bliss Are there evil
influences haunting the air and poisoning it for man What was near me
Something in that vast solitary garret sounded strangely Most surely and
certainly I heard as it seemed a stealthy foot on that floor a sort of
gliding out from the direction of the black recess haunted by the malefactor
cloaks I turned my light was dim the room was long but as I live I saw in
the middle of that ghostly chamber a figure all black or white the skirts
straight narrow black the head bandaged veiled white
Say what you will reader tell me I was nervous or mad affirm that I was
unsettled by the excitement of that letter declare that I dreamed this I vow
I saw there in that room on that night an image like a NUN
I cried out I sickened Had the shape approached me I might have swooned
It receded I made for the door How I descended all the stairs I know not By
instinct I shunned the refectory and shaped my course to Madames sittingroom
I burst in I said
»There is something in the grenier I have been there I saw something Go
and look at it all of you«
I said »All of you« for the room seemed to me full of people though in
truth there were but four present Madame Beck her mother Madame Kint who
was out of health and now staying with her on a visit her brother M Victor
Kint and another gentleman who when I entered the room was conversing with
the old lady and had his back towards the door
My mortal fear and faintness must have made me deadly pale I felt cold and
shaking They all rose in consternation they surrounded me I urged them to go
to the grenier the sight of the gentlemen did me good and gave me courage it
seemed as if there was some help and hope with men at hand I turned to the
door beckoning them to follow They wanted to stop me but I said they must
come this way they must see what I had seen something strange standing in
the middle of the garret And now I remembered my letter left on the drawers
with the light This precious letter Flesh or spirit must be defied for its
sake I flew up stairs hastening the faster as I knew I was followed they were
obliged to come
Lo When I reached the garretdoor all within was dark as a pit the light
was out Happily some one Madame I think with her usual calm sense had
brought a lamp from the room speedily therefore as they came up a ray
pierced the opaque blackness There stood the bougie quenched on the drawers
but where was the letter And I looked for that now and not for the nun
»My letter my letter« I panted and plained almost beside myself I groped
on the floor wringing my hands wildly Cruel cruel doom To have my bit of
comfort preternaturally snatched from me ere I had well tasted its virtue
I dont know what the others were doing I could not watch them they asked
me questions I did not answer they ransacked all corners they prattled about
this and that disarrangement of cloaks a breach or crack in the skylight I
know not what »Something or somebody has been here« was sagely averred
»Oh they have taken my letter« cried the grovelling groping monomaniac
»What letter Lucy My dear girl what letter« asked a known voice in my
ear Could I believe that ear No and I looked up Could I trust my eyes Had I
recognized the tone Did I now look on the face of the writer of that very
letter Was this gentleman near me in this dim garret John Graham Dr Bretton
himself
Yes it was He had been called in that very evening to prescribe for some
access of illness in old Madame Kint he was the second gentleman present in the
salle à manger when I entered
»Was it my letter Lucy«
»Your own yours the letter you wrote to me I had come here to read it
quietly I could not find another spot where it was possible to have it to
myself I had saved it all day never opened it till this evening it was
scarcely glanced over I cannot bear to lose it Oh my letter«
»Hush dont cry and distress yourself so cruelly What is it worth Hush
Come out of this cold room they are going to send for the police now to examine
further we need not stay here come we will go down«
A warm hand taking my cold fingers led me down to a room where there was a
fire Dr John and I sat before the stove He talked to me and soothed me with
unutterable goodness promising me twenty letters for the one lost If there are
words and wrongs like knives whose deepinflicted lacerations never heal
cutting injuries and insults of serrated and poisondripping edge so too
there are consolations of tone too fine for the ear not fondly and for ever to
retain their echo caressing kindnesses loved lingered over through a whole
life recalled with unfaded tenderness and answering the call with undimmed
shine out of that raven cloud foreshadowing Death himself I have been told
since that Dr Bretton was not so nearly perfect as I thought him that his
actual character lacked the depth height compass and endurance it possessed
in my creed I dont know he was as good to me as the well is to the parched
wayfarer as the sun to the shivering jailbird I remember him heroic Heroic
at this moment will I hold him to be
He asked me smiling why I cared for his letter so very much I thought
but did not say that I prized it like the blood in my veins I only answered
that I had so few letters to care for
»I am sure you did not read it« said he »or you would think nothing of
it«
»I read it but only once I want to read it again I am sorry it is lost«
And I could not help weeping afresh
»Lucy Lucy my poor little godsister if there be such a relationship
here here is your letter Why is it not better worth such tears and such
tenderly exaggerating faith«
Curious characteristic manoeuvre His quick eye had seen the letter on the
floor where I sought it his hand as quick had snatched it up He had hidden
it in his waistcoat pocket If my trouble had wrought with a whit less stress
and reality I doubt whether he would ever have acknowledged or restored it
Tears of temperature one degree cooler than those I shed would only have amused
Dr John
Pleasure at regaining made me forget merited reproach for the teasing
torment my joy was great it could not be concealed yet I think it broke out
more in countenance than language I said little
»Are you satisfied now« asked Dr John
I replied that I was satisfied and happy
»Well then« he proceeded »how do you feel physically Are you growing
calmer Not much for you tremble like a leaf still«
It seemed to me however that I was sufficiently calm at least I felt no
longer terrified I expressed myself composed
»You are able consequently to tell me what you saw Your account was quite
vague do you know You looked white as the wall but you only spoke of
something not defining what Was it a man Was it an animal What was it«
»I never will tell exactly what I saw« said I »unless some one else sees
it too and then I will give corroborative testimony but otherwise I shall be
discredited and accused of dreaming«
»Tell me« said Dr Bretton »I will hear it in my professional character I
look on you now from a professional point of view and I read perhaps all you
would conceal in your eye which is curiously vivid and restless in your
cheek which the blood has forsaken in your hand which you cannot steady
Come Lucy speak and tell me«
»You would laugh «
»If you dont tell me you shall have no more letters«
»You are laughing now«
»I will again take away that single epistle being mine I think I have a
right to reclaim it«
I felt raillery in his words it made me grave and quiet but I folded up
the letter and covered it from sight
»You may hide it but I can possess it any moment I choose You dont know
my skill in sleight of hand I might practise as a conjuror if I liked Mama
says sometimes too that I have an harmonizing property of tongue and eye but
you never saw that in me did you Lucy«
»Indeed indeed when you were a mere boy I used to see both far more
then than now for now you are strong and strength dispenses with subtlety
But still Dr John you have what they call in this country un air fin that
nobody can mistake Madame Beck saw it and «
»And liked it« said he laughing »because she has it herself But Lucy
give me that letter you dont really care for it«
To this provocative speech I made no answer Graham in mirthful mood must
not be humoured too far Just now there was a new sort of smile playing about
his lips very sweet but it grieved me somehow a new sort of light sparkling
in his eyes not hostile but not reassuring I rose to go I bid him good
night a little sadly
His sensitiveness that peculiar apprehensive detective faculty of his
felt in a moment the unspoken complaint the scarcethought reproach He asked
quietly if I was offended I shook my head as implying a negative
»Permit me then to speak a little seriously to you before you go You are
in a highly nervous state I feel sure from what is apparent in your look and
manner however wellcontrolled that whilst alone this evening in that dismal
perishing sepulchral garret that dungeon under the leads smelling of damp and
mould rank with pthisis and catarrh a place you never ought to enter that
you saw or thought you saw some appearance peculiarly calculated to impress
the imagination I know you are not nor ever were subject to material terrors
fears of robbers etc I am not so sure that a visitation bearing a spectral
character would not shake your very mind Be calm now This is all a matter of
the nerves I see but just specify the vision«
»You will tell nobody«
»Nobody most certainty You may trust me as implicitly as you did Père
Silas Indeed the doctor is perhaps the safer confessor of the two though he
has not gray hair«
»You will not laugh«
»Perhaps I may to do you good but not in scorn Lucy I feel as a friend
towards you though your timid nature is slow to trust«
He now looked like a friend that indescribable smile and sparkle were gone
those formidable arched curves of lip nostril eyebrow were depressed repose
marked his attitude attention sobered his aspect Won to confidence I told
him exactly what I had seen ere now I had narrated to him the legend of the
house whiling away with that narrative an hour of a certain mild October
afternoon when he and I rode through Bois lEtang
He sat and thought and while he thought we heard them all coming down
stairs
»Are they going to interrupt« said he glancing at the door with an annoyed
expression
»They will not come here« I answered for we were in the little salon where
Madame never sat in the evening and where it was by mere chance that heat was
still lingering in the stove They passed the door and went on to the
salleàmanger
»Now« he pursued »they will talk about thieves burglars and so on let
them do so mind you say nothing and keep your resolution of describing your
nun to nobody She may appear to you again dont start«
»You think then« I said with secret horror »she came out of my brain and
is now gone in there and may glide out again at an hour and a day when I look
not for her«
»I think it a case of spectral illusion I fear following on and resulting
from longcontinued mental conflict«
»Oh Doctor John I shudder at the thought of being liable to such an
illusion It seemed so real Is there no cure no preventive«
»Happiness is the cure a cheerful mind the preventive cultivate both«
No mockery in this world ever sounds to me so hollow as that of being told
to cultivate happiness What does such advice mean Happiness is not a potato
to be planted in mould and tilled with manure Happiness is a glory shining far
down upon us out of Heaven She is a divine dew which the soul on certain of
its summer mornings feels dropping upon it from the amaranth bloom and golden
fruitage of Paradise
»Cultivate happiness« I said briefly to the doctor »do you cultivate
happiness How do you manage«
»I am a cheerful fellow by nature and then illluck has never dogged me
Adversity gave me and my mother one passing scowl and brush but we defied her
or rather laughed at her and she went by«
»There is no cultivation in all this«
»I do not give way to melancholy«
»Yes I have seen you subdued by that feeling«
»About Ginevra Fanshawe eh«
»Did she not sometimes make you miserable«
»Pooh stuff nonsense You see I am better now«
If a laughing eye with a lively light and a face bright with beaming and
healthy energy could attest that he was better better he certainly was
»You do not look much amiss or greatly out of condition« I allowed
»And why Lucy cant you look and feel as I do buoyant courageous and
fit to defy all the nuns and flirts in Christendom I would give gold on the
spot just to see you snap your fingers Try the manoeuvre«
»If I were to bring Miss Fanshawe into your presence just now«
»I vow Lucy she should not move me or she should move me but by one
thing true yes and passionate love I would accord forgiveness at no less a
price«
»Indeed a smile of hers would have been a fortune to you a while since«
»Transformed Lucy transformed Remember you once called me a slave but I
am a free man now«
He stood up in the port of his head the carriage of his figure in his
beaming eye and mien there revealed itself a liberty which was more than ease
a mood which was disdain of his past bondage
»Miss Fanshawe« he pursued »has led me through a phase of feeling which is
over I have entered another condition and am now much disposed to exact love
for love passion for passion and good measure of it too«
»Ah Doctor Doctor you said it was your nature to pursue Love under
difficulties to be charmed by a proud insensibility«
He laughed and answered »My nature varies the mood of one hour is
sometimes the mockery of the next Well Lucy« drawing on his gloves »will
the Nun come again tonight think you«
»I dont think she will«
»Give her my compliments if she does Dr Johns compliments and entreat
her to have the goodness to wait a visit from him Lucy was she a pretty nun
Had she a pretty face You have not told me that yet and that is the really
important point«
»She had a white cloth over her face« said I »but her eyes glittered«
»Confusion to her goblin trappings« cried he irreverently »but at least
she had handsome eyes bright and soft«
»Cold and fixed« was my reply
»No no well none of her she shall not haunt you Lucy Give her that
shake of the hand if she comes again Will she stand that do you think«
I thought it too kind and cordial for a ghost to stand and so was the smile
which matched it and accompanied his Good night
And had there been anything in the garret What did they discover I believe on
the closest examination their discoveries amounted to very little They talked
at first of the cloaks being disturbed but Madame Beck told me afterwards she
thought they hung much as usual and as for the broken pane in the skylight she
affirmed that aperture was rarely without one or more panes broken or cracked
and besides a heavy hailstorm had fallen a few days ago Madame questioned me
very closely as to what I had seen but I only described an obscure figure
clothed in black I took care not to breathe the word nun certain that this
word would at once suggest to her mind an idea of romance and unreality She
charged me to say nothing on the subject to any servant pupil or teacher and
highly commended my discretion in coming to her private salleàmanger instead
of carrying the tale of horror to the school refectory Thus the subject
dropped I was left secretly and sadly to wonder in my own mind whether that
strange thing was of this world or of a realm beyond the grave or whether
indeed it was only the child of malady and I of that malady the prey
Chapter XXIII
Vashti
To wonder sadly did I say No a new influence began to act upon my life and
sadness for a certain space was held at bay Conceive a dell deephollowed in
forest secresy it lies in dimness and mist its turf is dank its herbage pale
and humid A storm or an axe makes a wide gap amongst the oaktrees the breeze
sweeps in the sun looks down the sad cold dell becomes a deep cup of lustre
high summer pours her blue glory and her golden light out of that beauteous sky
which till now the starved hollow never saw
A new creed became mine a belief in happiness
It was three weeks since the adventure of the garret and I possessed in
that case box drawer up stairs casketed with that first letter four
companions like to it traced by the same firm pen sealed with the same clear
seal full of the same vital comfort Vital comfort it seemed to me then I read
them in after years they were kind letters enough pleasing letters because
composed by one wellpleased in the two last there were three or four closing
lines halfgay halftender »by feeling touched but not subdued« Time dear
reader mellowed them to a beverage of this mild quality but when I first
tasted their elixir fresh from the fount so honoured it seemed juice of a
divine vintage a draught which Hebe might fill and the very gods approve
Does the reader remembering what was said some pages back care to ask how
I answered these letters whether under the dry stinting check of Reason, or
according to the full liberal impulse of Feeling
To speak truth I compromised matters I served two masters I bowed down in
the house of Rimmon and lifted the heart at another shrine I wrote to these
letters two answers one for my own relief the other for Grahams perusal
To begin with Feeling and I turned Reason out of doors drew against her
bar and bolt then we sat down spread our paper dipped in the ink an eager
pen and with deep enjoyment poured out our sincere heart When we had done
when two sheets were covered with the language of a stronglyadherent affection
a rooted and active gratitude once for all in this parenthesis I disclaim
with the utmost scorn every sneaking suspicion of what are called warmer
feelings women do not entertain these warmer feelings where from the
commencement through the whole progress of an acquaintance they have never
once been cheated of the conviction that to do so would be to commit a mortal
absurdity nobody ever launches into Love unless he has seen or dreamed the
rising of Hopes star over Loves troubled waters when then I had given
expression to a closelyclinging and deeplyhonouring attachment an attachment
that wanted to attract to itself and take into its own lot all that was painful
in the destiny of its object; that would if it could have absorbed and
conducted away all storms and lightnings from an existence viewed with a passion
of solicitude then just at that moment the doors of my heart would shake
bolt and bar would yield Reason would leap in vigorous and revengeful snatch
the full sheets read sneer erase tear up rewrite fold seal direct and
send a terse curt missive of a page She did right
I did not live on letters only I was visited I was looked after once a
week I was taken out to La Terrasse always I was made much of Dr Bretton
failed not to tell me why he was so kind »To keep away the nun« he said »he
was determined to dispute with her her prey He had taken« he declared »a
thorough dislike to her chiefly on account of that white facecloth and those
cold gray eyes the moment he heard of those odious particulars« he affirmed
»consummate disgust had incited him to oppose her he was determined to try
whether he or she was the cleverest and he only wished she would once more look
in upon me when he was present« but that she never did In short he regarded
me scientifically in the light of a patient and at once exercised his
professional skill and gratified his natural benevolence by a course of
cordial and attentive treatment
One evening the first in December I was walking by myself in the carré it
was six oclock the classedoors were closed but within the pupils rampant
in the license of evening recreation were counterfeiting a miniature chaos The
carré was quite dark except a red light shining under and about the stove the
wide glassdoors and the long windows were frosted over a crystal sparkle of
starlight here and there spangling this blanched winter veil and breaking with
scattered brilliants the paleness of its embroidery proved it a clear night
though moonless That I should dare to remain thus alone in darkness showed
that my nerves were regaining a healthy tone I thought of the nun but hardly
feared her though the staircase was behind me leading up through blind black
night from landing to landing to the haunted grenier Yet I own my heart
quaked my pulse leaped when I suddenly heard breathing and rustling and
turning saw in the deep shadow of the steps a deeper shadow still a shape
that moved and descended It paused a while at the classe door and then it
glided before me Simultaneously came a clangor of the distant doorbell Life
sounds bring lifelike feelings this shape was too round and low for my gaunt
nun it was only Madame Beck on duty
»Mademoiselle Lucy« cried Rosine bursting in lamp in hand from the
corridor »On est là pour vous au salon«
Madame saw me I saw Madame Rosine saw us both there was no mutual
recognition I made straight for the salon There I found what I own I
anticipated I should find Dr Bretton but he was in eveningdress
»The carriage is at the door« said he »my mother has sent it to take you
to the theatre she was going herself but an arrival has prevented her she
immediately said Take Lucy in my place Will you go«
»Just now I am not dressed« cried I glancing despairingly at my dark
merino
»You have half an hour to dress I should have given you notice but I only
determined on going since five oclock when I heard there was to be a genuine
regale in the presence of a great actress«
And he mentioned a name that thrilled me a name that in those days could
thrill Europe It is hushed now its once restless echoes are all still she who
bore it went years ago to her rest night and oblivion long since closed above
her but then her day a day of Sirius stood at its full height light and
fervour
»Ill go I will be ready in ten minutes« I vowed And away I flew never
once checked reader by the thought which perhaps at this moment checks you
namely that to go anywhere with Graham and without Mrs Bretton could be
objectionable I could not have conceived much less have expressed to Graham
such thought such scruple without risk of exciting a tyrannous
selfcontempt of kindling an inward fire of shame so quenchless and so
devouring that I think it would soon have licked up the very life in my veins
Besides my godmother knowing her son and knowing me would as soon have
thought of chaperoning a sister with a brother as of keeping anxious guard over
our incomings and outgoings
The present was no occasion for showy array my dunmist crape would
suffice and I sought the same in the great oakwardrobe in the dormitory where
hung no less than forty dresses But there had been changes and reforms and
some innovating hand had pruned this same crowded wardrobe and carried divers
garments to the grenier my crape amongst the rest I must fetch it I got the
key and went aloft fearless almost thoughtless I unlocked the door I plunged
in The reader may believe it or not but when I thus suddenly entered that
garret was not wholly dark as it should have been from one point there shone a
solemn light like a star but broader So plainly it shone that it revealed
the deep alcove with a portion of the tarnished scarlet curtain drawn over it
Instantly silently before my eyes it vanished so did the curtain and alcove
all that end of the garret became black as night I ventured no research I had
not time nor will snatching my dress which hung on the wall happily near the
door I rushed out relocked the door with convulsed haste and darted downwards
to the dormitory
But I trembled too much to dress myself impossible to arrange hair or
fasten hooksandeyes with such fingers so I called Rosine and bribed her to
help me Rosine liked a bribe so she did her best smoothed and plaited my hair
as well as a coiffeur would have done placed the lace collar mathematically
straight tied the neckribbon accurately in short did her work like the
neathanded Phillis she could be when she chose Having given me my handkerchief
and gloves she took the candle and lighted me down stairs After all I had
forgotten my shawl she ran back to fetch it and I stood with Dr John in the
vestibule waiting
»What is this Lucy« said he looking down at me narrowly »Here is the old
excitement Ha the nun again«
But I utterly denied the charge I was vexed to be suspected of a second
illusion He was sceptical
»She has been as sure as I live« said he »her figure crossing your eyes
leaves on them a peculiar gleam and expression not to be mistaken«
»She has not been« I persisted for indeed I could deny her apparition
with truth
»The old symptoms are there« he affirmed »a particular pale and what the
Scotch call a raised look«
He was so obstinate I thought it better to tell him what I really had seen
Of course with him it was held to be another effect of the same cause it was
all optical illusion nervous malady and so on Not one bit did I believe him
but I dared not contradict doctors are so selfopinionated so immovable in
their dry materialist views
Rosine brought the shawl and I was bundled into the carriage
The theatre was full crammed to its roof royal and noble were there palace
and hotel had emptied their inmates into those tiers so thronged and so hushed
Deeply did I feel myself privileged in having a place before that stage I
longed to see a being of whose powers I had heard reports which made me conceive
peculiar anticipations I wondered if she would justify her renown with strange
curiosity with feelings severe and austere yet of riveted interest I waited
She was a study of such nature as had not encountered my eyes yet a great and
new planet she was but in what shape I waited her rising
She rose at nine that December night above the horizon I saw her come She
could shine yet with pale grandeur and steady might but that star verged
already on its judgmentday Seen near it was a chaos hollow halfconsumed
an orb perished or perishing half lava half glow
I had heard this woman termed plain and I expected bony harshness and
grimness something large angular sallow What I saw was the shadow of a
royal Vashti a queen fair as the day once turned pale now like twilight and
wasted like wax in flame
For awhile a long while I thought it was only a woman though an unique
woman who moved in might and grace before this multitude Byandby I
recognized my mistake Behold I found upon her something neither of woman nor
of man in each of her eyes sat a devil These evil forces bore her through the
tragedy kept up her feeble strength for she was but a frail creature and as
the action rose and the stir deepened how wildly they shook her with their
passions of the pit They wrote HELL on her straight haughty brow They tuned
her voice to the note of torment They writhed her regal face to a demoniac
mask Hate and Murder and Madness incarnate she stood
It was a marvellous sight a mighty revelation
It was a spectacle low horrible immoral
Swordsmen thrust through and dying in their blood on the arena sand bulls
goring horses disembowelled make a meeker vision for the public a milder
condiment for a peoples palate than Vashti torn by seven devils devils which
cried sore and rent the tenement they haunted but still refused to be
exorcised
Suffering had struck that stage empress and she stood before her audience
neither yielding to nor enduring nor in finite measure resenting it she
stood locked in struggle rigid in resistance She stood not dressed but
draped in pale antique folds long and regular like sculpture A back ground
and entourage and flooring of deepest crimson threw her out white like
alabaster like silver rather be it said like Death
Where was the artist of the Cleopatra Let him come and sit down and study
this different vision Let him seek here the mighty brawn the muscle the
abounding blood the fullfed flesh he worshipped let all materialists draw
nigh and look on
I have said that she does not resent her grief No the weakness of that
word would make it a lie To her what hurts becomes immediately embodied she
looks on it as a thing that can be attacked worried down torn in shreds
Scarcely a substance herself she grapples to conflict with abstractions Before
calamity she is a tigress she rends her woes shivers them in convulsed
abhorrence Pain for her has no result in good tears water no harvest of
wisdom on sickness on death itself she looks with the eye of a rebel Wicked
perhaps she is but also she is strong and her strength has conquered Beauty
has overcome Grace and bound both at her side captives peerlessly fair and
docile as fair Even in the uttermost frenzy of energy is each mænad movement
royally imperially incedingly upborne Her hair flying loose in revel or war
is still an angels hair and glorious under a halo Fallen insurgent
banished she remembers the heaven where she rebelled Heavens light following
her exile pierces its confines and discloses their forlorn remoteness
Place now the Cleopatra or any other slug before her as an obstacle and
see her cut through the pulpy mass as the scimitar of Saladin clove the down
cushion Let Paul Peter Rubens wake from the dead let him rise out of his
cerements and bring into this presence all the army of his fat women the
magian power or prophetvirtue gifting that slight rod of Moses could at one
waft release and re mingle a sea spellparted whelming the heavy host with
the downrush of overthrown searamparts
Vashti was not good I was told and I have said she did not look good
though a spirit she was a spirit out of Tophet Well if so much of unholy
force can arise from below may not an equal efflux of sacred essence descend
one day from above
What thought Dr Graham of this being
For long intervals I forgot to look how he demeaned himself or to question
what he thought The strong magnetism of genius drew my heart out of its wonted
orbit the sunflower turned from the south to a fierce light not solar a
rushing red cometary light hot on vision and to sensation I had seen acting
before but never anything like this never anything which astonished Hope and
hushed Desire which outstripped Impulse and paled Conception; which, instead of
merely irritating imagination with the thought of what might be done at the
same time fevering the nerves because it was not done disclosed power like a
deep swollen winter river thundering in cataract and bearing the soul like
a leaf on the steep and steely sweep of its descent
Miss Fanshawe with her usual ripeness of judgment pronounced Dr Bretton a
serious impassioned man too grave and too impressible Not in such light did I
ever see him no such faults could I lay to his charge His natural attitude was
not the meditative nor his natural mood the sentimental impressionable he was
as dimpling water but almost as water unimpressible the breeze the sun
moved him metal could not grave nor fire brand
Dr John could think and think well but he was rather a man of action than
of thought he could feel and feel vividly in his way but his heart had no
chord for enthusiasm to bright soft sweet influences his eyes and lips gave
bright soft sweet welcome beautiful to see as dyes of rose and silver pearl
and purple embuing summer clouds for what belonged to storm what was wild and
intense dangerous sudden and flaming he had no sympathy and held with it no
communion When I took time and regained inclination to glance at him it amused
and enlightened me to discover that he was watching that sinister and sovereign
Vashti not with wonder nor worship nor yet dismay but simply with intense
curiosity Her agony did not pain him her wild moan worse than a shriek did
not much move him her fury revolted him somewhat but not to the point of
horror Cool young Briton The pale cliffs of his own England do not look down
on the tides of the channel more calmly than he watched the Pythian inspiration
of that night
Looking at his face I longed to know his exact opinions and at last I put
a question tending to elicit them At the sound of my voice he awoke as if out
of a dream for he had been thinking amp very intently thinking his own
thoughts after his own manner »How did he like Vashti« I wished to know
»Hmmm« was the first scarce articulate but expressive answer and then
such a strange smile went wandering round his lips a smile so critical so
almost callous I suppose that for natures of that order his sympathies were
callous In a few terse phrases he told me his opinion of and feeling towards
the actress he judged her as a woman not an artist it was a branding
judgment
That night was already marked in my book of life not with white but with a
deepred cross But I had not done with it yet and other memoranda were
destined to be set down in characters of tint indelible
Towards midnight when the deepening tragedy blackened to the death scene
and all held their breath and even Graham bit in his under lip and knit his
brow and sat still and struck when the whole theatre was hushed when the
vision of all eyes centred in one point when all ears listened towards one
quarter nothing being seen but the white form sunk on a seat quivering in
conflict with her last her worsthated her visiblyconquering foe nothing
heard but her throes her gaspings breathing yet of mutiny panting still
defiance when as it seemed an inordinate will convulsing a perishing mortal
frame bent it to battle with doom and death fought every inch of ground sold
dear every drop of blood resisted to the latest the rape of every faculty
would see would hear would breathe would live up to within well nigh
beyond the moment when death says to all sense and all being
»Thus far and no farther«
Just then a stir pregnant with omen rustled behind the scenes feet ran
voices spoke What was it demanded the whole house A flame a smell of smoke
replied
»Fire« rang through the gallery »Fire« was repeated reechoed yelled
forth and then and faster than pen can set it down came panic rushing
crushing a blind selfish cruel chaos
And Dr John Reader I see him yet with his look of comely courage and
cordial calm
»Lucy will sit still I know« said he glancing down at me with the same
serene goodness the same repose of firmness that I have seen in him when
sitting at his side amid the secure peace of his mothers hearth Yes thus
adjured I think I would have sat still under a rocking crag but indeed to
sit still in actual circumstances was my instinct and at the price of my very
life I would not have moved to give him trouble thwart his will or make
demands on his attention We were in the stalls and for a few minutes there was
a most terrible ruthless pressure about us
»How terrified are the women« said he »but if the men were not almost
equally so order might be maintained This is a sorry scene I see fifty
selfish brutes at this moment each of whom if I were near I could
conscientiously knock down I see some women braver than some men There is one
yonder Good God«
While Graham was speaking a young girl who had been very quietly and
steadily clinging to a gentleman standing before us was suddenly struck from
her protectors arms by a big butcherly intruder and hurled under the feet of
the crowd Scarce two seconds lasted her disappearance Graham rushed forwards
he and the gentleman a powerful man though grayhaired united their strength
to thrust back the throng her head and long hair fell back over his shoulder
she seemed unconscious
»Trust her with me I am a medical man« said Dr John
»If you have no lady with you be it so« was the answer »Hold her and I
will force a passage we must get her to the air«
»I have a lady« said Graham »but she will be neither hindrance nor
incumbrance«
He summoned me with his eye we were separated Resolute however to rejoin
him I penetrated the living barrier creeping under where I could not get
between or over
»Fasten on me and dont leave go« he said and I obeyed him
Our pioneer proved strong and adroit he opened the dense mass like a wedge
with patience and toil he at last bored through the fleshandblood rock so
solid hot and suffocating and brought us to the fresh freezing night
»You are an Englishman« said he turning shortly on Dr Bretton when we
got into the street
»An Englishman And I speak to a countryman« was the reply
»Right Be good enough to stand here two minutes whilst I find my
carriage«
»Papa I am not hurt« said a girlish voice »am I with papa«
»You are with a friend and your father is close at hand«
»Tell him I am not hurt except just in my shoulder Oh my shoulder They
trode just here«
»Dislocation perhaps« muttered the Doctor »let us hope there is no worse
injury done Lucy lend a hand one instant«
And I assisted while he made some arrangement of drapery and position for
the ease of his suffering burden She suppressed a moan and lay in his arms
quietly and patiently
»She is very light« said Graham »like a child« and he asked in my ear
»Is she a child Lucy Did you notice her age«
»I am not a child I am a person of seventeen« responded the patient
demurely and with dignity Then directly after
»Tell papa to come I get anxious«
The carriage drove up her father relieved Graham but in the exchange from
one bearer to another she was hurt and moaned again
»My darling« said the father tenderly then turning to Graham »You said
sir you are a medical man«
»I am Dr Bretton of La Terrasse«
»Good Will you step into my carriage«
»My own carriage is here I will seek it and accompany you«
»Be pleased then to follow us« And he named his address »The Hotel
Crécy in the Rue Crécy«
We followed the carriage drove fast myself and Graham were silent This
seemed like an adventure
Some little time being lost in seeking our own equipage we reached the
hotel perhaps about ten minutes after these strangers It was an hotel in the
foreign sense a collection of dwellinghouses not an inn a vast lofty pile
with a huge arch to its street leading through a vaulted covered way into a
square all built round
We alighted passed up a wide handsome public staircase and stopped at
Numéro 2 on the second landing the first floor comprising the abode of I know
not what prince Russe as Graham informed me On ringing the bell at a second
great door we were admitted to a suite of very handsome apartments Announced
by a servant in livery we entered a drawingroom whose hearth glowed with an
English fire and whose walls gleamed with foreign mirrors Near the hearth
appeared a little group a slight form sunk in a deep armchair one or two
women busy about it the irongray gentleman anxiously looking on
»Where is Harriet I wish Harriet would come to me« said the girlish voice
faintly
»Where is Mrs Hurst« demanded the gentleman impatiently and somewhat
sternly of the manservant who had admitted us
»I am sorry to say she is gone out of town sir my young lady gave her
leave till tomorrow«
»Yes I did I did She is gone to see her sister I said she might go I
remember now« interposed the young lady »but I am so sorry for Manon and
Louison cannot understand a word I say and they hurt me without meaning to do
so«
Dr John and the gentleman now interchanged greetings and while they passed
a few minutes in consultation I approached the easychair and seeing what the
faint and sinking girl wished to have done I did it for her
I was still occupied in the arrangement when Graham drew near he was no
less skilled in surgery than medicine and on examination found that no
further advice than his own was necessary to the treatment of the present case
He ordered her to be carried to her chamber and whispered to me
»Go with the women Lucy they seem but dull you can at least direct their
movements and thus spare her some pain She must be touched very tenderly«
The chamber was a room shadowy with paleblue hangings vaporous with
curtainings and veilings of muslin the bed seemed to me like snowdrift and
mist spotless soft and gauzy Making the women stand apart I undressed
their mistress without their wellmeaning but clumsy aid I was not in a
sufficiently collected mood to note with separate distinctness every detail of
the attire I removed but I received a general impression of refinement
delicacy and perfect personal cultivation which in a period of afterthought
offered in my reflections a singular contrast to notes retained of Miss Ginevra
Fanshawes appointments
This girl was herself a small delicate creature but made like a model As
I folded back her plentiful yet fine hair so shining and soft and so
exquisitely tended I had under my observation a young pale weary but
highbred face The brow was smooth and clear the eyebrows were distinct but
soft and melting to a mere trace at the temples the eyes were a rich gift of
nature fine and full large deep seeming to hold dominion over the slighter
subordinate features capable probably of much significance at another hour
and under other circumstances than the present but now languid and suffering
Her skin was perfectly fair the neck and hands veined finely like the petals of
a flower a thin glazing of the ice of pride polished this delicate exterior
and her lip wore a curl I doubt not inherent and unconscious but which if I
had seen it first with the accompaniments of health and state would have struck
me as unwarranted and proving in the little lady a quite mistaken view of life
and her own consequence
Her demeanour under the Doctors hands at first excited a smile it was not
puerile rather on the whole patient and firm but yet once or twice she
addressed him with suddenness and sharpness saying that he hurt her and must
contrive to give her less pain I saw her large eyes too settle on his face
like the solemn eyes of some pretty wondering child I know not whether Graham
felt this examination if he did he was cautious not to check or discomfit it
by any retaliatory look I think he performed his work with extreme care and
gentleness sparing her what pain he could and she acknowledged as much when
he had done by the words
»Thank you Doctor and good night« very gratefully pronounced as she
uttered them however it was with a repetition of the serious direct gaze I
thought peculiar in its gravity and intentness
The injuries it seems were not dangerous an assurance which her father
received with a smile that almost made one his friend it was so glad and
gratified He now expressed his obligations to Graham with as much earnestness
as was befitting an Englishman addressing one who has served him but is yet a
stranger he also begged him to call the next day
»Papa« said a voice from the veiled couch »thank the lady too is she
there«
I opened the curtain with a smile and looked in at her She lay now at
comparative ease she looked pretty though pale her face was delicately
designed and if at first sight it appeared proud I believe custom might prove
it to be soft
»I thank the lady very sincerely« said her father »I fancy she has been
very good to my child I think we scarcely dare tell Mrs Hurst who has been her
substitute and done her work she will feel at once ashamed and jealous«
And thus in the most friendly spirit parting greetings were interchanged
and refreshment having been hospitably offered but by us as it was late
refused we withdrew from the Hotel Crécy
On our way back we repassed the theatre All was silence and darkness the
roaring rushing crowd all vanished and gone the lamps as well as the
incipient fire extinct and forgotten Next mornings papers explained that it
was but some loose drapery on which a spark had fallen and which had blazed up
and been quenched in a moment
Chapter XXIV
M De Bassompierre
Those who live in retirement whose lives have fallen amid the seclusion of
schools or of other walledin and guarded dwellings are liable to be suddenly
and for a long while dropped out of the memory of their friends the denizens of
a freer world Unaccountably perhaps and close upon some space of unusually
frequent intercourse some congeries of rather exciting little circumstances
whose natural sequel would rather seem to be the quickening than the suspension
of communication there falls a stilly pause a wordless silence a long blank
of oblivion Unbroken always is this blank alike entire and unexplained The
letter the message once frequent are cut off the visit formerly periodical
ceases to occur the book paper or other token that indicated remembrance
comes no more
Always there are excellent reasons for these lapses if the hermit but knew
them Though he is stagnant in his cell his connections without are whirling in
the very vortex of life That void interval which passes for him so slowly that
the very clocks seem at a stand and the wingless hours plod by in the likeness
of tired tramps prone to rest at milestones that same interval perhaps teems
with events and pants with hurry for his friends
The hermit if he be a sensible hermit will swallow his own thoughts and
lock up his own emotions during these weeks of inward winter He will know that
Destiny designed him to imitate on occasion the dormouse and he will be
conformable make a tidy ball of himself creep into a hole of lifes wall and
submit decently to the drift which blows in and soon blocks him up preserving
him in ice for the season
Let him say »It is quite right it ought to be so since so it is« And
perhaps one day his snowsepulchre will open springs softness will return
the sun and southwind will reach him the budding of hedges and carolling of
birds and singing of liberated streams will call him to kindly resurrection
Perhaps this may be the case perhaps not the frost may get into his heart and
never thaw more when spring comes a crow or a pie may pick out of the wall
only his dormousebones Well even in that case all will be right it is to be
supposed he knew from the first he was mortal and must one day go the way of
all flesh »As well soon as syne«
Following that eventful evening at the theatre came for me seven weeks as
bare as seven sheets of blank paper no word was written on one of them not a
visit not a token
About the middle of that time I entertained fancies that something had
happened to my friends at La Terrasse The midblank is always a beclouded point
for the solitary his nerves ache with the strain of long expectancy the doubts
hitherto repelled gather now to a mass and strong in accumulation roll back
upon him with a force which savours of vindictiveness Night too becomes an
unkindly time and sleep and his nature cannot agree strange starts and
struggles harass his couch the sinister band of bad dreams with horror of
calamity and sick dread of entire desertion at their head join the league
against him Poor wretch He does his best to bear up but he is a poor pallid
wasting wretch despite that best
Towards the last of those long seven weeks I admitted what through the
other six I had jealously excluded the conviction that these blanks were
inevitable the result of circumstances the fiat of fate a part of my lifes
lot and above all a matter about whose origin no question must ever be
asked for whose painful sequence no murmur ever uttered Of course I did not
blame myself for suffering I thank God I had a truer sense of justice than to
fall into any imbecile extravagances of self-accusation and as to blaming
others for silence in my reason I well knew them blameless and in my heart
acknowledged them so but it was a rough and heavy road to travel and I longed
for better days
I tried different expedients to sustain and fill existence I commenced an
elaborate piece of lacework I studied German pretty hard I undertook a course
of regular reading of the driest and thickest books in the library in all my
efforts I was as orthodox as I knew how to be Was there error somewhere Very
likely I only know the result was as if I had gnawed a file to satisfy hunger
or drank brine to quench thirst
My hour of torment was the posthour Unfortunately I knew it too well and
tried as vainly as assiduously to cheat myself of that knowledge dreading the
rack of expectation and the sick collapse of disappointment which daily
preceded and followed upon that wellrecognized ring
I suppose animals kept in cages and so scantily fed as to be always upon
the verge of famine await their food as I awaited a letter Oh to speak
truth and drop that tone of a false calm which long to sustain outwears
natures endurance I underwent in those seven weeks bitter fears and pains
strange inward trials miserable defections of hope intolerable encroachments
of despair This last came so near me sometimes that her breath went right
through me I used to feel it like a baleful air or sigh penetrate deep and
make motion pause at my heart or proceed only under unspeakable oppression The
letter the well beloved letter would not come and it was all of sweetness
in life I had to look for
In the very extremity of want I had recourse again and yet again to the
little packet in the case the five letters How splendid that month seemed
whose skies had beheld the rising of these five stars It was always at night I
visited them and not daring to ask every evening for a candle in the kitchen I
bought a waxtaper and matches to light it and at the studyhour stole up to
the dormitory and feasted on my crust from the Barmecides loaf It did not
nourish tne I pined on it and got as thin as a shadow otherwise I was not
ill
Reading there somewhat late one evening and feeling that the power to read
was leaving me for the letters from incessant perusal were losing all sap and
significance my gold was withering to leaves before my eyes and I was
sorrowing over the disillusion suddenly a quick tripping foot ran up the
stairs I knew Ginevra Fanshawes step she had dined in town that afternoon
she was now returned and would come here to replace her shawl etc in the
wardrobe
Yes in she came dressed in bright silk with her shawl falling from her
shoulders and her curls halfuncurled in the damp of night drooping careless
and heavy upon her neck I had hardly time to recasket my treasures and lock
them up when she was at my side her humour seemed none of the best
»It has been a stupid evening they are stupid people« she began
»Who Mrs Cholmondeley I thought you always found her house charming«
»I have not been to Mrs Cholmondeleys«
»Indeed Have you made new acquaintance«
»My uncle de Bassompierre is come«
»Your uncle de Bassompierre Are you not glad I thought he was a
favourite«
»You thought wrong the man is odious I hate him«
»Because he is a foreigner or for what other reason of equal weight«
»He is not a foreigner The man is English enough goodness knows and had
an English name till three or four years ago but his mother was a foreigner a
de Bassompierre and some of her family are dead and have left him estates a
title and this name he is quite a great man now«
»Do you hate him for that reason«
»Dont I know what mama says about him He is not my own uncle but married
mamas sister Mama detests him she says he killed aunt Ginevra with
unkindness he looks like a bear Such a dismal evening« she went on »Ill go
no more to his big hotel Fancy me walking into a room alone and a great man
fifty years old coming forwards and after a few minutes conversation actually
turning his back upon me and then abruptly going out of the room Such odd
ways I daresay his conscience smote him for they all say at home I am the
picture of Aunt Ginevra Mama often declares the likeness is quite ridiculous«
»Were you the only visitor«
»The only visitor Yes then there was missy my cousin little spoiled
pampered thing«
»M de Bassompierre has a daughter«
»Yes yes dont tease one with questions Oh dear I am so tired«
She yawned Throwing herself without ceremony on my bed she added »It
seems Mademoiselle was nearly crushed to a jelly in a hubbub at the theatre some
weeks ago«
»Ah indeed And they live at a large hotel in the Rue Crécy«
»Justement How do you know«
»I have been there«
»Oh you have Really You go everywhere in these days I suppose Mother
Bretton took you She and Esculapius have the entrée of the de Bassompierre
apartments it seems my son John attended missy on the occasion of her accident
accident Bah All affectation I dont think she was squeezed more than she
richly deserves for her airs And now there is quite an intimacy struck up I
heard something about Auld lang syne and what not Oh how stupid they all
were«
»All You said you were the only visitor«
»Did I You see one forgets to particularize an old woman and her boy«
»Dr and Mrs Bretton were at M de Bassompierres this evening«
»Ay ay as large as life and missy played the hostess What a conceited
doll it is«
Soured and listless Miss Fanshawe was beginning to disclose the causes of
her prostrate condition There had been a retrenchment of incense a diversion
or a total withholding of homage and attention coquetry had failed of effect
vanity had undergone mortification She lay fuming in the vapours
»Is Miss de Bassompierre quite well now« I asked
»As well as you or I no doubt but she is an affected little thing and
gave herself invalid airs to attract medical notice And to see the old dowager
making her recline on a couch and my son John prohibiting excitement etcetera
faugh the scene was quite sickening«
»It would not have been so if the object of attention had been changed if
you had taken Miss de Bassompierres place«
»Indeed I hate my son John«
»My son John whom do you indicate by that name Dr Brettons mother
never calls him so«
»Then she ought A clownish bearish John he is«
»You violate the truth in saying so and as the whole of my patience is now
spun off the distaff I peremptorily desire you to rise from that bed and
vacate this room«
»Passionate thing Your face is the colour of a coquelicot I wonder what
always makes you so mighty testy à lendroit du gros Jean John Anderson my jo
John Oh the distinguished name«
Thrilling with exasperation to which it would have been sheer folly to have
given vent for there was no contending with that unsubstantial feather that
mealywinged moth I extinguished my taper locked my bureau and left her
since she would not leave me Smallbeer as she was she had turned insufferably
acid
The morrow was Thursday and a halfholiday Breakfast was over I had
withdrawn to the first classe The dreaded hour the posthour was nearing and
I sat waiting it much as a ghostseer might wait his spectre Less than ever
was a letter probable still strive as I would I could not forget that it was
possible As the moments lessened a restlessness and fear almost beyond the
average assailed me It was a day of winter east wind and I had now for some
time entered into that dreary fellowship with the winds and their changes so
little known so incomprehensible to the healthy The north and east owned a
terrific influence making all pain more poignant all sorrow sadder The south
could calm the west sometimes cheer unless indeed they brought on their
wings the burden of thunderclouds under the weight and warmth of which all
energy died
Bitter and dark as was this January day I remember leaving the classe and
running down without bonnet to the bottom of the long garden and then lingering
amongst the stripped shrubs in the forlorn hope that the postmans ring might
occur while I was out of hearing and I might thus be spared the thrill which
some particular nerve or nerves almost gnawed through with the unremitting
tooth of a fixed idea were becoming wholly unfit to support I lingered as long
as I dared without fear of attracting attention by my absence I muffled my head
in my apron and stopped my ears in terror of the torturing clang sure to be
followed by such blank silence such barren vacuum for me At last I ventured to
reenter the firstclasse where as it was not yet nine oclock no pupils had
been admitted The first thing seen was a white object on my black desk a
white flat object The post had indeed arrived by me unheard Rosine had
visited my cell and like some angel had left behind her a bright token of her
presence That shining thing on the desk was indeed a letter a real letter I
saw so much at the distance of three yards and as I had but one correspondent
on earth from that one it must come He remembered me yet How deep a pulse of
gratitude sent new life through my heart
Drawing near bending and looking on the letter in trembling but almost
certain hope of seeing a known hand it was my lot to find on the contrary an
autograph for the moment deemed unknown a pale female scrawl instead of a
firm masculine character I then thought fate was too hard for me and I said
audibly »This is cruel«
But I got over that pain also Life is still life whatever its pangs our
eyes and ears and their use remain with us though the prospect of what pleases
be wholly withdrawn and the sound of what consoles be quite silenced
I opened the billet by this time I had recognized its handwriting as
perfectly familiar It was dated »La Terrasse« and it ran thus
»Dear Lucy It occurs to me to inquire what you have been doing with
yourself for the last month or two Not that I suspect you would have
the least difficulty in giving an account of your proceedings I daresay
you have been just as busy and happy as ourselves at La Terrasse As to
Graham his professional connection extends daily he is so much sought
after so much engaged that I tell him he will grow quite conceited
Like a right good mother as I am I do my best to keep him down no
flattery does he get from me as you know And yet Lucy he is a fine
fellow his mothers heart dances at the sight of him After being
hurried here and there the whole day and passing the ordeal of fifty
sorts of tempers and combating a hundred caprices and sometimes
witnessing cruel sufferings perhaps occasionally as I tell him
inflicting them at night he still comes home to me in such kindly
pleasant mood that really I seem to live in a sort of moral
antipodes and on these January evenings my day rises when other
peoples night sets in
Still he needs keeping in order and correcting and repressing and
I do him that good service but the boy is so elastic there is no such
thing as vexing him thoroughly When I think I have at last driven him
to the sullens he turns on me with jokes for retaliation but you know
him and all his iniquities and I am but an elderly simpleton to make
him the subject of this epistle
As for me I have had my old Bretton agent here on a visit and have
been plunged over head and ears in business matters I do so wish to
regain for Graham at least some part of what his father left him He
laughs to scorn my anxiety on this point bidding me look and see how he
can provide for himself and me too and asking what the old lady can
possibly want that she has not hinting about skyblue turbans accusing
me of an ambition to wear diamonds keep livery servants have an hotel
and lead the fashion amongst the English clan in Villette
Talking of skyblue turbans I wished you had been with us the other
evening He had come in really tired and after I had given him his tea
he threw himself into my chair with his customary presumption To my
great delight he dropped asleep You know how he teazes me about being
drowsy I who never by any chance close an eye by daylight While
he slept I thought he looked very bonny Lucy fool as I am to be so
proud of him but who can help it Show me his peer Look where I will I
see nothing like him in Villette Well I took it into my head to play
him a trick so I brought out the skyblue turban and handling it and
him with gingerly precaution I managed to invest his brows with this
grand adornment I assure you it did not at all misbecome him he looked
quite Eastern except that he is so fair Nobody however can accuse
him of having red hair now it is genuine chestnut a dark glossy
chestnut and when I put my large Cashmere about him there was as fine
a young bey dey or pacha improvised as you would wish to see
It was good entertainment but only half enjoyed since I was
alone you should have been there
In due time my lord awoke the lookingglass above the fireplace
soon intimated to him his plight as you may imagine I now live under
threat and dread of vengeance
But to come to the gist of my letter I know Thursday is a
halfholiday in the Rue Fossette be ready then by five in the
afternoon at which hour I will send the carriage to take you out to La
Terrasse Be sure to come you may meet some old acquaintance Goodby
my wise dear grave little goddaughter Very truly yours
LOUISA BRETTON«
Now a letter like that sets one to rights I might still be sad after reading
that letter but I was more composed not exactly cheered perhaps but
relieved My friends at least were well and happy no accident had occurred to
Graham no illness had seized his mother calamities that had so long been my
dream and thought Their feelings for me too were as they had been Yet how
strange it was to look on Mrs Brettons seven weeks and contrast them with my
seven weeks Also how very wise it is in people placed in an exceptional
position to hold their tongues and not rashly declare how such position galls
them The world can understand well enough the process of perishing for want of
food perhaps few persons can enter into or follow out that of going mad from
solitary confinement They see the longburied prisoner disinterred a maniac or
an idiot how his senses left him how his nerves first inflamed underwent
nameless agony and then sunk to palsy is a subject too intricate for
examination too abstract for popular comprehension Speak of it you might
almost as well stand up in an European marketplace and propound dark sayings
in that language and mood wherein Nebuchadnezzar the imperial hypochondriac
communed with his baffled Chaldeans And long long may the minds to whom such
themes are no mystery by whom their bearings are sympathetically seized be
few in number and rare of rencounter Long may it be generally thought that
physical privations alone merit compassion and that the rest is a figment When
the world was younger and haler than now moral trials were a deeper mystery
still perhaps in all the land of Israel there was but one Saul certainly but
one David to soothe or comprehend him
The keen still cold of the morning was succeeded later in the day by a sharp
breathing from Russian wastes the cold zone sighed over the temperate zone and
froze it fast A heavy firmament dull and thick with snow sailed up from the
north and settled over expectant Europe Towards afternoon began the descent I
feared no carriage would come the white tempest raged so dense and wild But
trust my godmother Once having asked she would have her guest About six
oclock I was lifted from the carriage over the already blockedup front steps
of the chateau and put in at the door of La Terrasse
Running through the vestible and upstairs to the drawingroom there I
found Mrs Bretton a summerday in her own person Had I been twice as cold as
I was her kind kiss and cordial clasp would have warmed me Inured now for so
long a time to rooms with bare boards black benches desks and stoves the
blue saloon seemed to me gorgeous In its Christmaslike fire alone there was a
clear and crimson splendour which quite dazzled me
When my godmother had held my hand for a little while and chatted with me
and scolded me for having become thinner than when she last saw me she
professed to discover that the snowwind had disordered my hair and sent me
upstairs to make it neat and remove my shawl
Repairing to my own little seagreen room there also I found a bright fire
and candles too were lit a tall waxlight stood on each side the great
lookingglass but between the candles and before the glass appeared something
dressing itself an airy fairy thing small slight white a winter spirit
I declare for one moment I thought of Graham and his spectral illusions
With distrustful eye I noted the details of this new vision It wore white
sprinkled slightly with drops of scarlet its girdle was red it had something
in its hair leafy yet shining a little wreath with an evergreen gloss
Spectral or not here truly was nothing frightful and I advanced
Turning quick upon me a large eye under long lashes flashed over me the
intruder the lashes were as dark as long and they softened with their
pencilling the orb they guarded
»Ah you are come« she breathed out in a soft quiet voice and she smiled
slowly and gazed intently
I knew her now Having only once seen that sort of face with that cast of
fine and delicate featuring I could not but know her
»Miss de Bassompierre« I pronounced
»No« was the reply »not Miss de Bassompierre for you« I did not inquire
who then she might be but waited voluntary information
»You are changed but still you are yourself« she said approaching nearer
»I remember you well your countenance the colour of your hair the outline of
your face «
I had moved to the fire and she stood opposite and gazed into me and as
she gazed her face became gradually more and more expressive of thought and
feeling till at last a dimness quenched her clear vision
»It makes me almost cry to look so far back« said she »but as to being
sorry or sentimental dont think it on the contrary I am quite pleased and
glad«
Interested yet altogether at fault I knew not what to say At last I
stammered »I think I never met you till that night some weeks ago when you
were hurt «
She smiled »You have forgotten then that I have sat on your knee been
lifted in your arms even shared your pillow You no longer remember the night
when I came crying like a naughty little child as I was to your bedside and
you took me in You have no memory for the comfort and protection by which you
soothed an acute distress Go back to Bretton Remember Mr Home«
At last I saw it all »And you are little Polly«
»I am Paulina Mary Home de Bassompierre«
How time can change Little Polly wore in her pale small features her
fairy symmetry her varying expression a certain promise of interest and grace
but Paulina Mary was become beautiful not with the beauty that strikes the eye
like a rose orbed ruddy and replete not with the plump and pink and
flaxen attributes of her blond cousin Ginevra but her seventeen years had
brought her a refined and tender charm which did not lie in complexion though
hers was fair and clear nor in outline though her features were sweet and her
limbs perfectly turned but I think rather in a subdued glow from the soul
outward This was not an opaque vase of material however costly but a lamp
chastely lucent guarding from extinction yet not hiding from worship a flame
vital and vestal In speaking of her attractions I would not exaggerate
language but indeed they seemed to me very real and engaging What though all
was on a small scale it was the perfume which gave this white violet
distinction and made it superior to the broadest camelia the fullest dahlia
that ever bloomed
»Ah and you remember the old time at Bretton«
»Better« said she »better perhaps than you I remember it with minute
distinctness not only the time but the days of the time and the hours of the
days«
»You must have forgotten some things«
»Very little I imagine«
»You were then a little creature of quick feelings you must long ere this
have outgrown the impressions with which joy and grief affection and
bereavement stamped your mind ten years ago«
»You think I have forgotten whom I liked and in what degree I liked them
when a child«
»The sharpness must be gone the point the poignancy the deep imprint
must be softened away and effaced«
»I have a good memory for those days«
She looked as if she had Her eyes were the eyes of one who can remember
one whose childhood does not fade like a dream nor whose youth vanish like a
sunbeam She would not take life loosely and incoherently in parts and let
one season slip as she entered on another she would retain and add often
review from the commencement and so grow in harmony and consistency as she grew
in years Still I could not quite admit the conviction that all the pictures
which now crowded upon me were vivid and visible to her Her fond attachments
her sports and contests with a wellloved playmate the patient true devotion
of her childs heart her fears her delicate reserves her little trials the
last piercing pain of separation I retraced these things and shook my head
incredulous She persisted »The child of seven years lives yet in the girl of
seventeen« said she
»You used to be excessively fond of Mrs Bretton« I remarked intending to
test her She set me right at once
»Not excessively fond« said she »I liked her I respected her as I should
do now she seems to me very little altered«
»She is not much changed« I assented
We were silent a few minutes Glancing round the room she said
»There are several things here that used to be at Bretton I remember that
pincushion and that lookingglass«
Evidently she was not deceived in her estimate of her own memory not at
least so far
»You think then you would have known Mrs Bretton« I went on
»I perfectly remembered her the turn of her features her olive complexion
and black hair her height her walk her voice«
»Dr Bretton of course« I pursued »would be out of the question and
indeed as I saw your first interview with him I am aware that he appeared to
you as a stranger«
»That first night I was puzzled« she answered
»How did the recognition between him and your father come about«
»They exchanged cards The names Graham Bretton and Home de Bassompierre
give rise to questions and explanations That was on the second day but before
then I was beginning to know something«
»How know something«
»Why« she said »how strange it is that most people seem so slow to feel
the truth not to see but feel When Dr Bretton had visited me a few times
and sat near and talked to me when I had observed the look in his eyes the
expression about his mouth the form of his chin the carriage of his head and
all that we do observe in persons who approach us how could I avoid being led
by association to think of Graham Bretton Graham was slighter than he and not
grown so tall and had a smoother face and longer and lighter hair and spoke
not so deeply more like a girl but yet he is Graham just as I am little
Polly or you are Lucy Snowe«
I thought the same but I wondered to find my thoughts hers there are
certain things in which we so rarely meet with our double that it seems a
miracle when that chance befals
»You and Graham were once playmates«
»And do you remember that« she questioned in her turn
»No doubt he will remember it also« said I
»I have not asked him few things would surprise me so much as to find that
he did I suppose his disposition is still gay and careless«
»Was it so formerly Did it so strike you Do you thus remember him«
»I scarcely remember him in any other light Sometimes he was studious
sometimes he was merry but whether busy with his books or disposed for play it
was chiefly the books or game he thought of not much heeding those with whom he
read or amused himself«
»Yet to you he was partial«
»Partial to me Oh no he had other playmates his schoolfellows I was
of little consequence to him except on Sundays yes he was kind on Sundays I
remember walking with him hand in hand to St Marys and his finding the places
in my prayerbook and how good and still he was on Sunday evenings So mild for
such a proud lively boy so patient with all my blunders in reading and so
wonderfully to be depended on for he never spent those evenings from home I
had a constant fear that he would accept some invitation and forsake us but he
never did nor seemed ever to wish to do it Thus of course it can be no more
I suppose Sunday will now be Dr Brettons diningout day «
»Children come down« here called Mrs Bretton from below Paulina would
still have lingered but I inclined to descend we went down
Chapter XXV
The Little Countess
Cheerful as my godmother naturally was and entertaining as for our sakes she
made a point of being there was no true enjoyment that evening at La Terrasse
till through the wild howl of the winternight were heard the signal sounds of
arrival How often while women and girls sit warm at snug firesides their
hearts and imaginations are doomed to divorce from the comfort surrounding their
persons forced out by night to wander through dark ways to dare stress of
weather to contend with the snowblast to wait at lonely gates and stiles in
wildest storms watching and listening to see and hear the father the son the
husband coming home
Father and son came at last to the chatâeu for the Count de Bassompierre
that night accompanied Dr Bretton I know not which of our trio heard the
horses first the asperity the violence of the weather warranted our running
down into the hall to meet and greet the two riders as they came in but they
warned us to keep our distance both were white two mountains of snow and
indeed Mrs Bretton seeing their condition ordered them instantly to the
kitchen prohibiting them at their peril from setting foot on her carpeted
staircase till they had severally put off that mask of Old Christmas they now
affected Into the kitchen however we could not help following them it was a
large old Dutch kitchen picturesque and pleasant The little white Countess
danced in a circle about her equally white sire clapping her hands and crying
»Papa papa you look like an enormous Polar bear«
The bear shook himself and the little sprite fled far from the frozen
shower Back she came however laughing and eager to aid in removing the
arctic disguise The Count at last issuing from his dreadnought threatened to
overwhelm her with it as with an avalanche
»Come then« said she bending to invite the fall and when it was
playfully advanced above her head bounding out of reach like some little
chamois
Her movements had the supple softness the velvet grace of a kitten her
laugh was clearer than the ring of silver and crystal as she took her sires
cold hands and rubbed them and stood on tiptoe to reach his lips for a kiss
there seemed to shine round her a halo of loving delight The grave and reverend
signior looked down on her as men do look on what is the apple of their eye
»Mrs Bretton« said he »what am I to do with this daughter or daughterling
of mine She neither grows in wisdom nor in stature Dont you find her pretty
nearly as much the child as she was ten years ago«
»She cannot be more the child than this great boy of mine« said Mrs
Bretton who was in conflict with her son about some change of dress she deemed
advisable and which he resisted He stood leaning against the Dutch dresser
laughing and keeping her at arms length
»Come mama« said he »by way of compromise and to secure for us inward as
well as outward warmth let us have a Christmas wassailcup and toast Old
England here on the hearth«
So while the Count stood by the fire and Paulina Mary still danced to and
fro happy in the liberty of the wide halllike kitchen Mrs Bretton herself
instructed Martha to spice and heat the wassailbowl and pouring the draught
into a Bretton flagon it was served round reaming hot by means of a small
silver vessel which I recognised as Grahams christeningcup
»Heres to Auld Lang Syne« said the Count holding the glancing cup on
high Then looking at Mrs Bretton
»We twa ha paidlet i the burn
Fra morningsun till dine
But seas between us braid ha roared
Sin auld lang syne
And surely yell be your pintstoup
As surely Ill be mine
And well taste a cup o kindness yet
For auld lang syne«
»Scotch Sotch« cried Paulina »papa is talking Scotch and Scotch he is
partly We are Home and De Bassompierre Caledonian and Gallic«
»And is that a Scotch reel you are dancing you Highland fairy« asked her
father »Mrs Bretton there will be a green ring growing up in the middle of
your kitchen shortly I would not answer for her being quite cannie she is a
strange little mortal«
»Tell Lucy to dance with me papa there is Lucy Snowe«
Mr Home there was still quite as much about him of plain Mr Home as of
proud Count de Bassompierre held his hand out to me saying kindly »he
remembered me well and even had his own memory been less trustworthy my name
was so often on his daughters lips and he had listened to so many long tales
about me I should seem like an old acquaintance«
Every one now had tasted the wassailcup except Paulina whose pas de fée
ou de fantaisie nobody thought of interrupting to offer so profanatory a
draught but she was not to be overlooked nor baulked of her mortal privileges
»Let me taste« said she to Graham as he was putting the cup on the shelf
of the dresser out of her reach
Mrs Bretton and Mr Home were now engaged in conversation Dr John had not
been unobservant of the fairys dance he had watched it and he had liked it
To say nothing of the softness and beauty of the movements eminently grateful
to his graceloving eye that ease in his mothers house charmed him for it set
him at ease again she seemed a child for him again almost his playmate I
wondered how he would speak to her I had not yet seen him address her his
first words proved that the old days of little Polly had been recalled to his
mind by this evenings childlike lightheartedness
»Your ladyship wishes for the tankard«
»I think I said so I think I intimated as much«
»Couldnt consent to a step of the kind on any account Sorry for it but
couldnt do it«
»Why I am quite well now it cant break my collarbone again or dislocate
my shoulder Is it wine«
»No nor dew«
»I dont want dew I dont like dew but what is it«
»Ale strong ale old October brewed perhaps when I was born«
»It must be curious is it good«
»Excessively good«
And he took it down administered to himself a second dose of this mighty
elixir expressed in his mischievous eyes extreme contentment with the same and
solemnly replaced the cup on the shelf
»I should like a little« said Paulina looking up »I never had any old
October is it sweet«
»Perilously sweet« said Graham
She continued to look up exactly with the countenance of a child that longs
for some prohibited dainty At last the Doctor relented took it down and
indulged himself in the gratification of letting her taste from his hand his
eyes always expressive in the revelation of pleasurable feelings luminously
and smilingly avowed that it was a gratification and he prolonged it by so
regulating the position of the cup that only a drop at a time could reach the
rosy sipping lips by which its brim was courted
»A little more a little more« said she petulantly touching his hand with
her forefinger to make him incline the cup more generously and yieldingly »It
smells of spice and sugar but I cant taste it your wrist is so stiff and you
are so stingy«
He indulged her whispering however with gravity »Dont tell my mother or
Lucy they wouldnt approve«
»Nor do I« said she passing into another tone and manner as soon as she
had fairly assayed the beverage just as if it had acted upon her like some
disenchanting draught undoing the work of a wizard »I find it anything but
sweet it is bitter and hot and takes away my breath Your old October was only
desirable while forbidden Thank you no more«
And with a slight bend careless but as graceful as her dance she
glided from him and rejoined her father
I think she had spoken truth the child of seven was in the girl of
seventeen
Graham looked after her a little baffled a little puzzled his eye was on
her a good deal during the rest of the evening but she did not seem to notice
him
As we ascended to the drawingroom for tea she took her fathers arm her
natural place seemed to be at his side her eyes and her ears were dedicated to
him He and Mrs Bretton were the chief talkers of our little party and Paulina
was their best listener attending closely to all that was said prompting the
repetition of this or that trait or adventure
»And where were you at such a time papa And what did you say then And
tell Mrs Bretton what happened on that occasion« Thus she drew him out
She did not again yield to any effervescence of glee the infantine sparkle
was exhaled for the night she was soft thoughtful and docile It was pretty
to see her bid goodnight her manner to Graham was touched with dignity in her
very slight smile and quiet bow spoke the Countess and Graham could not but
look grave and bend responsive I saw he hardly knew how to blend together in
his ideas the dancing fairy and delicate dame
Next day when we were all assembled round the breakfast table shivering
and fresh from the mornings chill ablutions Mrs Bretton pronounced a decree
that nobody who was not forced by dire necessity should quit her house that
day
Indeed egress seemed next to impossible the drift darkened the lower panes
of the casement and on looking out one saw the sky and air vexed and dim the
wind and snow in angry conflict There was no fall now but what had already
descended was torn up from the earth whirled round by brief shrieking gusts
and cast into a hundred fantastic forms
The Countess seconded Mrs Bretton
»Papa shall not go out« said she placing a seat for herself beside her
fathers armchair »I will look after him You wont go into town will you
papa«
»Aye and No« was the answer »If you and Mrs Bretton are very good to me
Polly kind you know and attentive if you pet me in a very nice manner and
make much of me I may possibly be induced to wait an hour after breakfast and
see whether this razoredged wind settles But you see you give me no
breakfast you offer me nothing you let me starve«
»Quick please Mrs Bretton and pour out the coffee« entreated Paulina
»whilst I take care of the Count de Bassompierre in other respects since he
grew into a Count he has needed so much attention«
She separated and prepared a roll
»There papa are your pistolets charged« said she »And there is some
marmalade just the same sort of marmalade we used to have at Bretton and which
you said was as good as if it had been conserved in Scotland «
»And which your little ladyship used to beg for my boy do you remember
that« interposed Mrs Bretton »Have you forgotten how you would come to my
elbow and touch my sleeve with the whisper please maam something good for
Graham a little marmalade or honey or jam«
»No mama« broke in Dr John laughing yet reddening »it surely was not
so I could not have cared for these things«
»Did he or did he not Paulina«
»He liked them« asserted Paulina
»Never blush for it John« said Mr Home encouragingly »I like them
myself yet and always did And Polly showed her sense in catering for a
friends material comforts it was I who put her into the way of such good
manners nor do I let her forget them Polly offer me a small slice of that
tongue«
»There papa but remember you are only waited upon with this assiduity on
condition of being persuadable and reconciling yourself to La Terrasse for the
day«
»Mrs Bretton« said the Count »I want to get rid of my daughter to send
her to school Do you know of any good school«
»There is Lucys place Madame Becks«
»Miss Snowe is in a school«
»I am a teacher« I said and was rather glad of the opportunity of saying
this For a little while I had been feeling as if placed in a false position
Mrs Bretton and son knew my circumstances but the Count and his daughter did
not They might choose to vary by some shades their hitherto cordial manner
towards me when aware of my grade in society I spoke then readily but a swarm
of thoughts I had not anticipated nor invoked rose dim at the words making me
sigh involuntarily Mr Home did not lift his eyes from his breakfastplate for
about two minutes nor did he speak perhaps he had not caught the words
perhaps he thought that on a confession of that nature politeness would
interdict comment the Scotch are proverbially proud and homely as was Mr Home
in look simple in habits and tastes I have all along intimated that he was not
without his share of the national quality Was his a pseudo pride was it real
dignity I leave the question undecided in its wide sense Where it concerned me
individually I can only answer then and always he showed himself a
truehearted gentleman
By nature he was a feeler and a thinker over his emotions and his
reflections spread a mellowing of melancholy more than a mellowing in trouble
and bereavement it became a cloud He did not know much about Lucy Snowe what
he knew he did not very accurately comprehend indeed his misconceptions of my
character often made me smile but he saw my walk in life lay rather on the
shady side of the hill he gave me credit for doing my endeavour to keep the
course honestly straight he would have helped me if he could having no
opportunity of helping he still wished me well When he did look at me his eye
was kind when he did speak his voice was benevolent
»Yours« said he »is an arduous calling I wish you health and strength to
win in it success«
His fair little daughter did not take the information quite so composedly
she fixed on me a pair of eyes wide with wonder almost with dismay
»Are you a teacher« cried she Then having paused on the unpalatable idea
»Well I never knew what you were nor ever thought of asking for me you were
always Lucy Snowe«
»And what am I now« I could not forbear inquiring
»Yourself of course But do you really teach here in Villette«
»I really do«
»And do you like it«
»Not always«
»And why do you go on with it«
Her father looked at and I feared was going to check her but he only
said »Proceed Polly proceed with that catechism prove yourself the little
wiseacre you are If Miss Snowe were to blush and look confused I should have
to bid you hold your tongue and you and I would sit out the present meal in
some disgrace but she only smiles so push her hard multiply the
crossquestions Well Miss Snowe why do you go on with it«
»Chiefly I fear for the sake of the money I get«
»Not then from motives of pure philanthropy Polly and I were clinging to
that hypothesis as the most lenient way of accounting for your eccentricity«
»No no sir Rather for the roof of shelter I am thus enabled to keep over
my head and for the comfort of mind it gives me to think that while I can work
for myself I am spared the pain of being a burden to anybody«
»Papa say what you will I pity Lucy«
»Take up that pity Miss de Bassompierre take it up in both hands as you
might a little callow gosling squattering out of bounds without leave put it
back in the warm nest of a heart whence it issued and receive in your ear this
whisper If my Polly ever came to know by experience the uncertain nature of
this worlds goods I should like her to act as Lucy acts to work for herself
that she might burden neither kith nor kin«
»Yes papa« said she pensively and tractably »But poor Lucy I thought
she was a rich lady and had rich friends«
»You thought like a little simpleton I never thought so When I had time to
consider Lucys manner and aspect which was not often I saw she was one who
had to guard and not be guarded to act and not be served and this lot has I
imagine helped her to an experience for which if she live long enough to
realize its full benefit she may yet bless Providence But this school« he
pursued changing his tone from grave to gay »Would Madame Beck admit my Polly
do you think Miss Lucy«
I said there needed but to try madame it would soon be seen she was fond
of English pupils »If you sir« I added »will but take Miss de Bassompierre
in your carriage this very afternoon I think I can answer for it that Rosine
the portress will not be very slow in answering your ring and madame I am
sure will put on her best pair of gloves to come into the salon to receive
you«
»In that case« responded Mr Home »I see no sort of necessity there is for
delay Mrs Hurst can send what she calls her young ladys things after her
Polly can settle down to her hornbook before night and you Miss Lucy I
trust will not disdain to cast an occasional eye upon her and let me know
from time to time how she gets on I hope you approve of the arrangement
Countess de Bassompierre«
The Countess hemmed and hesitated »I thought« said she »I thought I had
finished my education «
»That only proves how much we may be mistaken in our thoughts: I hold a far
different opinion as most of those will who have been auditors of your profound
knowledge of life this morning Ah my little girl thou hast much to learn and
papa ought to have taught thee more than he has done Come there is nothing for
it but to try Madame Beck and the weather seems settling and I have finished
my breakfast «
»But papa«
»Well«
»I see an obstacle«
»I dont at all«
»It is enormous papa it can never be got over it is as large as you in
your great coat and the snowdrift on the top«
»And like that snowdrift capable of melting«
»No it is of too too solid flesh it is just your own self Miss Lucy
warn Madame Beck not to listen to any overtures about taking me because in the
end it would turn out that she would have to take papa too as he is so
teasing I will just tell tales about him Mrs Bretton and all of you listen
About five years ago when I was twelve years old he took it into his head that
he was spoiling me that I was growing unfitted for the world and I dont know
what and nothing would serve or satisfy him but I must go to school I cried
and so on but M de Bassompierre proved hardhearted quite firm and flinty
and to school I went What was the result In the most admirable manner papa
came to school likewise every other day he called to see me Madame Aigredoux
grumbled but it was of no use and so at last papa and I were both in a
manner expelled Lucy can just tell Madame Beck this little trait it is only
fair to let her know what she has to expect«
Mrs Bretton asked Mr Home what he had to say in answer to this statement
As he made no defence judgment was given against him and Paulina triumphed
But she had other moods besides the arch and naïve After breakfast when
the two elders withdrew I suppose to talk over certain of Mrs Brettons
business matters and the Countess Dr Bretton and I were for a short time
alone together all the child left her with us more nearly her companions in
age she rose at once to the little lady her very face seemed to alter that
play of feature and candour of look which when she spoke to her father made
it quite dimpled and round yielded to an aspect more thoughtful and lines
distincter and less mobile
No doubt Graham noted the change as well as I He stood for some minutes
near the window looking out at the snow presently he approached the hearth
and entered into conversation but not quite with his usual ease fit topics did
not seem to rise to his lips he chose them fastidiously hesitatingly and
consequently infelicitously he spoke vaguely of Villette its inhabitants its
notable sights and buildings He was answered by Miss de Bassompierre in quite
womanly sort with intelligence with a manner not indeed wholly
disindividualized a tone a glance a gesture here and there rather animated
and quick than measured and stately still recalled little Polly but yet there
was so fine and even a polish so calm and courteous a grace gilding and
sustaining these peculiarities that a less sensitive man than Graham would not
have ventured to seize upon them as vantage points leading to franker intimacy
Yet while Dr Bretton continued subdued and for him sedate he was still
observant Not one of those pretty impulses and natural breaks escaped him He
did not miss one characteristic movement one hesitation in language or one
lisp in utterance At times in speaking fast she still lisped but coloured
whenever such lapse occurred and in a painstaking conscientious manner quite
as amusing as the slight error repeated the word more distinctly
Whenever she did this Dr Bretton smiled Gradually as they conversed the
restraint on each side slackened might the conference have but been prolonged
I believe it would soon have become genial already to Paulinas lip and cheek
returned the wreathing dimpling smile she lisped once and forgot to correct
herself And Dr John I know not how he changed but change he did He did not
grow gayer no raillery no levity sparkled across his aspect but his
position seemed to become one of more pleasure to himself and he spoke his
augmented comfort in readier language in tones more suave Ten years ago this
pair had always found abundance to say to each other the intervening decade had
not narrowed the experience or impoverished the intelligence of either besides
there are certain natures of which the mutual influence is such that the more
they say the more they have to say For these out of association grows
adhesion and out of adhesion amalgamation
Graham however must go his was a profession whose claims are neither to
be ignored nor deferred He left the room but before he could leave the house
there was a return I am sure he came back not for the paper or card in his
desk which formed his ostensible errand but to assure himself by one more
glance that Paulinas aspect was really such as memory was bearing away that
he had not been viewing her somehow by a partial artificial light and making a
fond mistake No he found the impression true rather indeed he gained than
lost by this return he took away with him a parting look shy but very soft
as beautiful as innocent as any little fawn could lift out of its cover of
fern or any lamb from its meadowbed
Being left alone Paulina and I kept silence for some time we both took out
some work and plied a mute and diligent task The whitewood workbox of old
days was now replaced by one inlaid with precious mosaic and furnished with
implements of gold the tiny and trembling fingers that could scarce guide the
needle though tiny still were now swift and skilful but there was the same
busy knitting of the brow the same little dainty mannerisms the same quick
turns and movements now to replace a stray tress and anon to shake from the
silken skirt some imaginary atom of dust some clinging fibre of thread
That morning I was disposed for silence the austere fury of the winterday
had on me an awing hushing influence That passion of January so white and so
bloodless was not yet spent the storm had raved itself hoarse but seemed no
nearer exhaustion Had Ginevra Fanshawe been my companion in that morningroom
she would not have suffered me to muse and listened undisturbed The presence
just gone from us would have been her theme and how she would have rung the
changes on one topic how she would have pursued and pestered me with questions
and surmises worried and oppressed me with comments and confidences I did not
want and longed to avoid
Pauline Mary cast once or twice towards me a quiet but penetrating glance
of her dark full eye her lips half opened as if to the impulse of coming
utterance but she saw and delicately respected my inclination for silence
»This will not hold long« I thought to myself for I was not accustomed to
find in women or girls any power of self-control or strength of self-denial As
far as I knew them the chance of a gossip about their usually trivial secrets
their often very washy and paltry feelings was a treat not to be readily
foregone
The little Countess promised an exception she sewed till she was tired of
sewing and then she took a book
As chance would have it she had sought it in Dr Brettons own compartment
of the bookcase and it proved to be an old Bretton book some illustrated
work of natural history Often had I seen her standing at Grahams side resting
that volume on his knee and reading to his tuition and when the lesson was
over begging as a treat that he would tell her all about the pictures I
watched her keenly here was a true test of that memory she had boasted would
her recollections now be faithful
Faithful It could not be doubted As she turned the leaves over her face
passed gleam after gleam of expression the least intelligent of which was a
full greeting to the Past And then she turned to the title and looked at the
name written in the schoolboy hand She looked at it long nor was she satisfied
with merely looking she gently passed over the characters the tips of her
fingers accompanying the action with an unconscious but tender smile which
converted the touch into a caress Paulina loved the Past but the peculiarity
of this little scene was that she said nothing she could feel without pouring
out her feelings in a flux of words
She now occupied herself at the bookcase for nearly an hour taking down
volume after volume and renewing her acquaintance with each This done she
seated herself on a low stool rested her cheek on her hand and thought and
still was mute
The sound of the front door opened below a rush of cold wind and her
fathers voice speaking to Mrs Bretton in the hall startled her at last She
sprang up she was downstairs in one second
»Papa Papa you are not going out«
»My pet I must go into town«
»But it is too too cold papa«
And then I heard M de Bassompierre showing to her how he was well provided
against the weather and how he was going to have the carriage and to be quite
snugly sheltered and in short proving that she need not fear for his comfort
»But you will promise to come back here this evening before it is quite
dark you and Dr Bretton both in the carriage It is not fit to ride«
»Well if I see the Doctor I will tell him a lady has laid on him her
commands to take care of his precious health and come home early under my
escort«
»Yes you must say a lady and he will think it is his mother and be
obedient And papa mind to come soon for I shall watch and listen«
The door closed and the carriage rolled softly through the snow and back
returned the Countess pensive and anxious
She did listen and watch when evening closed but it was in stillest sort
walking the drawingroom with quite noiseless step She checked at intervals her
velvet march inclined her ear and consulted the night sounds I should rather
say the night silence for now at last the wind was fallen The sky relieved
of its avalanche lay naked and pale through the barren boughs of the avenue we
could see it well and note also the polar splendour of the newyear moon an
orb white as a world of ice Nor was it late when we saw also the return of the
carriage
Paulina had no dance of welcome for this evening It was with a sort of
gravity that she took immediate possession of her father as he entered the
room but she at once made him her entire property led him to the seat of her
choice and while softly showering round him honeyed words of commendation for
being so good and coming home so soon you would have thought it was entirely by
the power of her little hands he was put into his chair and settled and
arranged for the strong man seemed to take pleasure in wholly yielding himself
to this dominion potent only by love
Graham did not appear till some minutes after the Count Paulina half turned
when his step was heard they spoke but only a word or two their fingers met a
moment but obviously with slight contact Paulina remained beside her father
Graham threw himself into a seat on the other side of the room
It was well that Mrs Bretton and Mr Home had a great deal to say to each
other almost an inexhaustible fund of discourse in old recollections
otherwise I think our party would have been but a still one that evening
After tea Paulinas quick needle and pretty golden thimble were busily
plied by the lamplight but her tongue rested and her eyes seemed reluctant to
raise often their lids so smooth and so fullfringed Graham too must have been
tired with his days work he listened dutifully to his elders and betters said
very little himself and followed with his eye the gilded glance of Paulinas
thimble as if it had been some bright moth on the wing or the golden head of
some darting little yellow serpent
Chapter XXVI
A Burial
From this date my life did not want variety I went out a good deal with the
entire consent of Madame Beck who perfectly approved the grade of my
acquaintance That worthy directress had never from the first treated me
otherwise than with respect and when she found that I was liable to frequent
invitations from a château and a great hotel respect improved into distinction
Not that she was fulsome about it madame in all things worldly was in
nothing weak there was measure and sense in her hottest pursuit of
self-interest calm and considerateness in her closest clutch of gain without
then laying herself open to my contempt as a timeserver and a toadie she
marked with tact that she was pleased people connected with her establishment
should frequent such associates as must cultivate and elevate rather than those
who might deteriorate and depress She never praised either me or my friends
only once when she was sitting in the sun in the garden a cup of coffee at her
elbow and the Gazette in her hand looking very comfortable and I came up and
asked leave of absence for the evening she delivered herself in this gracious
sort
»Oui oui ma bonne amie je vous donne la permission de coeur et de gré
Votre travail dans ma maison a toujours été admirable rempli de zèle et de
discrétion vous avez bien le droit de vous amuser Sortez donc tant que vous
voudrez Quant à votre choix de connaissances jen suis contente cest sage
digne louable«
She closed her lips and resumed the Gazette
The reader will not too gravely regard the little circumstance that about
this time the triply enclosed packet of five letters temporarily disappeared
from my bureau Blank dismay was naturally my first sensation on making the
discovery but in a moment I took heart of grace
»Patience« whispered I to myself »Let me say nothing but wait peaceably
they will come back again«
And they did come back they had only been on a short visit to madames
chamber having passed their examination they came back duly and truly I found
them all right the next day
I wonder what she thought of my correspondence What estimate did she form
of Dr John Brettons epistolary powers In what light did the often very pithy
thoughts the generally sound and sometimes original opinions set without
pretension in an easilyflowing spirited style appear to her How did she
like that genial halfhumorous vein which to me gave such delight What did
she think of the few kind words scattered here and there not thickly as the
diamonds were scattered in the valley of Sindbad but sparely as those gems lie
in unfabled beds Oh Madame Beck how seemed these things to you
I think in Madame Becks eyes the five letters found a certain favour One
day after she had borrowed them of me in speaking of so suave a little woman
one ought to use suave terms I caught her examining me with a steady
contemplative gaze a little puzzled but not at all malevolent It was during
that brief space between lessons when the pupils turned out into the court for
a quarter of an hours recreation she and I remained in the first class alone
when I met her eye her thoughts forced themselves partially through her lips
»Il y a« said she »quelquechose de bien remarquable dans le caractère
Anglais«
»How Madame«
She gave a little laugh repeating the word how in English
»Je ne saurais vous dire how mais enfin les Anglais ont des idées à eux
en amitié en amour en tout Mais au moins il nest pas besoin de les
surveiller« she added getting up and trotting away like the compact little
pony she was
»Then I hope« murmured I to myself »you will graciously let alone my
letters for the future«
Alas something came rushing into my eyes dimming utterly their vision
blotting from sight the schoolroom the garden the bright winter sun as I
remembered that never more would letters such as she had read come to me I
had seen the last of them That goodly river on whose banks I had sojourned of
whose waves a few reviving drops had trickled to my lips was bending to another
course it was leaving my little hut and field forlorn and sanddry pouring its
wealth of waters far away The change was right just natural not a word could
be said but I loved my Rhine my Nile I had almost worshipped my Ganges and I
grieved that the grand tide should roll estranged should vanish like a false
mirage Though stoical I was not quite a stoic drops streamed fast on my
hands on my desk I wept one sultry shower heavy and brief
But soon I said to myself »the Hope I am bemoaning suffered and made me
suffer much it did not die till it was full time following an agony so
lingering death ought to be welcome«
Welcome I endeavoured to make it Indeed long pain had made patience a
habit In the end I closed the eyes of my dead covered its face and composed
its limbs with great calm
The letters however must be put away out of sight people who have
undergone bereavement always jealously gather together and lock away mementos
it is not supportable to be stabbed to the heart each moment by sharp revival of
regret
One vacant holiday afternoon the Thursday going to my treasure with
intent to consider its final disposal I perceived and this time with a strong
impulse of displeasure that it had been again tampered with the packet was
there indeed but the ribbon which secured it had been untied and retied and
by other symptoms I knew that my drawer had been visited
This was a little too much Madame Beck herself was the soul of discretion
besides having as strong a brain and sound a judgment as ever furnished a human
head that she should know the contents of my casket was not pleasant but
might be borne Little Jesuit inquisitress as she was she could see things in
a true light and understand them in an unperverted sense but the idea that she
had ventured to communicate information thus gained to others that she had
perhaps amused herself with a companion over documents in my eyes most sacred
shocked me cruelly Yet that such was the case I now saw reason to fear I even
guessed her confidant Her kinsman M Paul Emanuel had spent yesterday evening
with her she was much in the habit of consulting him and of discussing with
him matters she broached to no one else This very morning in class that
gentleman had favoured me with a glance which he seemed to have borrowed from
Vashti the actress I had not at the moment comprehended that blue yet lurid
flash out of his angry eye but I read its meaning now He I believed was not
apt to regard what concerned me from a fair point of view nor to judge me with
tolerance and candour I had always found him severe and suspicious the thought
that these letters mere friendly letters as they were had fallen once and
might fall again into his hands jarred my very soul
What should I do to prevent this In what corner of this strange house was
it possible to find security or secresy Where could a key be a safeguard or a
padlock a barrier
In the grenier No I did not like the grenier Besides most of the boxes
and drawers there were mouldering and did not lock Rats too gnawed their way
through the decayed wood and mice made nests amongst the litter of their
contents my dear letters most dear still though Ichabod was written on their
covers might be consumed by vermin certainly the writing would soon become
obliterated by damp No the grenier would not do but where then
While pondering this problem I sat in the dormitory windowseat It was a
fine frosty afternoon the winter sun already setting gleamed pale on the tops
of the gardenshrubs in the »allée défendue« One great old peartree the
nuns peartree stood up a tall dryad skeleton gray gaunt and stripped A
thought struck me one of those queer fantastic thoughts that will sometimes
strike solitary people I put on my bonnet cloak and furs and went out into
the city
Bending my steps to the old historical quarter of the town whose hoar and
overshadowed precincts I always sought by instinct in melancholy moods I
wandered on from street to street till having crossed a halfdeserted place or
square I found myself before a sort of brokers shop an ancient place full of
ancient things
What I wanted was a metal box which might be soldered or a thick glass jar
or bottle which might be stoppered and sealed hermetically Amongst
miscellaneous heaps I found and purchased the latter article
I then made a little roll of my letters wrapped them in oiled silk bound
them with twine and having put them in the bottle got the old Jew broker to
stopper seal and make it airtight While obeying my directions he glanced at
me now and then suspiciously from under his frostwhite eyelashes I believe
he thought there was some evil deed on hand In all this I had a dreary
something not pleasure but a sad lonely satisfaction The impulse under
which I acted the mood controlling me were similar to the impulse and the mood
which had induced me to visit the confessional With quick walking I regained
the pensionnat just at dark and in time for dinner
At seven oclock the moon rose At halfpast seven when the pupils and
teachers were at study and Madame Beck was with her mother and children in the
salle à manger when the halfboarders were all gone home and Rosine had left
the vestibule and all was still I shawled myself and taking the sealed jar
stole out through the firstclasse door into the berceau and thence into the
»allée défendue«
Methusaleh the peartree stood at the further end of this walk near my
seat he rose up dim and gray above the lower shrubs round him Now
Methusaleh though so very old was of sound timber still only there was a
hole or rather a deep hollow near his root I knew there was such a hollow
hidden partly by ivy and creepers growing thick round and there I meditated
hiding my treasure But I was not only going to hide a treasure I meant also
to bury a grief That grief over which I had lately been weeping as I wrapped
it in its windingsheet must be interred
Well I cleared away the ivy and found the hole it was large enough to
receive the jar and I thrust it deep in In a toolshed at the bottom of the
garden lay the relics of buildingmaterials left by masons lately employed to
repair a part of the premises I fetched thence a slate and some mortar put the
slate on the hollow secured it with cement covered the whole with black mould
and finally replaced the ivy This done I rested leaning against the tree
lingering like any other mourner beside a newlysodded grave
The air of the night was very still but dim with a peculiar mist which
changed the moonlight into a luminous haze In this air or this mist there was
some quality electrical perhaps which acted in strange sort upon me I felt
then as I had felt a year ago in England on a night when the aurora borealis
was streaming and sweeping round heaven when belated in lonely fields I had
paused to watch that mustering of an army with banners that quivering of
serried lances that swift ascent of messengers from below the north star to
the dark high keystone of heavens arch I felt not happy far otherwise but
strong with reinforced strength
If life be a war it seemed my destiny to conduct it singlehanded I
pondered now how to break up my winterquarters to leave an encampment where
food and forage failed Perhaps to effect this change another pitched battle
must be fought with fortune if so I had a mind to the encounter too poor to
lose God might destine me to gain But what road was open what plan
available
On this question I was still pausing when the moon so dim hitherto seemed
to shine out somewhat brighter a ray gleamed even white before me and a shadow
became distinct and marked I looked more narrowly to make out the cause of
this welldefined contrast appearing a little suddenly in the obscure alley
whiter and blacker it grew on my eye it took shape with instantaneous
transformation I stood about three yards from a tall sablerobed snowyveiled
woman
Five minutes passed I neither fled nor shrieked She was there still I
spoke
»Who are you and why do you come to me«
She stood mute She had no face no features all below her brow was masked
with a white cloth but she had eyes and they viewed me
I felt if not brave yet a little desperate and desperation will often
suffice to fill the post and do the work of courage I advanced one step I
stretched out my hand for I meant to touch her She seemed to recede I drew
nearer her recession still silent became swift A mass of shrubs fullleaved
evergreens laurel and dense yew intervened between me and what I followed
Having passed that obstacle I looked and saw nothing I waited I said »If
you have any errand to me come back and deliver it« Nothing spoke or
reappeared
This time there was no Dr John to whom to have recourse there was no one
to whom I dared whisper the words »I have again seen the nun«
Paulina Mary sought my frequent presence in the Rue Crécy In the old Bretton
days though she had never professed herself fond of me my society had soon
become to her a sort of unconscious necessary I used to notice that if I
withdrew to my room she would speedily come trotting after me and opening the
door and peeping in say with her little peremptory accent
»Come down Why do you sit here by yourself You must come into the parlour«
In the same spirit she urged me now
»Leave the Rue Fossette« she said »and come and live with us Papa would
give you far more than Madame Beck gives you«
Mr Home himself offered me a handsome sum thrice my present salary if I
would accept the office of companion to his daughter I declined I think I
should have declined had I been poorer than I was and with scantier fund of
resource more stinted narrowness of future prospect I had not that vocation I
could teach I could give lessons but to be either a private governess or a
companion was unnatural to me Rather than fill the former post in any great
house I would deliberately have taken a housemaids place bought a strong pair
of gloves swept bedrooms and staircases and cleaned stoves and locks in peace
and independence Rather than be a companion I would have made shirts and
starved
I was no bright ladys shadow not Miss de Bassompierres Overcast enough
it was my nature often to be of a subdued habit I was but the dimness and
depression must both be voluntary such as kept me docile at my desk in the
midst of my now wellaccustomed pupils in Madame Becks first classe or alone
at my own bedside in her dormitory or in the alley and seat which were called
mine in her garden my qualifications were not convertible not adaptable they
could not be made the foil of any gem the adjunct of any beauty the appendage
of any greatness in Christendom Madame Beck and I without assimilating
understood each other well I was not her companion nor her childrens
governess she left me free she tied me to nothing not to herself not even
to her interests once when she had for a fortnight been called from home by a
near relations illness and on her return all anxious and full of care about
her establishment lest something in her absence should have gone wrong
finding that matters had proceeded much as usual and that there was no evidence
of glaring neglect she made each of the teachers a present in acknowledgement
of steadiness To my bedside she came at twelve oclock at night and told me
she had no present for me »I must make fidelity advantageous to the St Pierre«
said she »if I attempt to make it advantageous to you there will arise
misunderstanding between us perhaps separation One thing however I can do
to please you leave you alone with your liberty cest ce que je ferai«
She kept her word Every slight shackle she had ever laid on me she from
that time with quiet hand removed Thus I had pleasure in voluntarily
respecting her rules gratification in devoting double time in taking double
pains with the pupils she committed to my charge
As to Mary de Bassompierre I visited her with pleasure though I would not
live with her My visits soon taught me that it was unlikely even my occasional
and voluntary society would long be indispensable to her M de Bassompierre
for his part seemed impervious to this conjecture blind to this possibility
unconscious as any child to the signs the likelihoods the fitful beginnings of
what when it drew to an end he might not approve
Whether or not he would cordially approve I used to speculate Difficult
to say He was much taken up with scientific interests keen intent and
somewhat oppugnant in what concerned his favourite pursuits but unsuspicious
and trustful in the ordinary affairs of life From all I could gather he seemed
to regard his daughterling as still but a child and probably had not yet
admitted the notion that others might look on her in a different light he would
speak of what should be done when Polly was a woman when she should be grown
up and Polly standing beside his chair would sometimes smile and take his
honoured head between her little hands and kiss his irongray locks and at
other times she would pout and toss her curls but she never said »Papa I am
grown up«
She had different moods for different people With her father she really was
still a child or childlike affectionate merry and playful With me she was
serious and as womanly as thought and feeling could make her With Mrs Bretton
she was docile and reliant but not expansive With Graham she was shy at
present very shy at moments she tried to be cold on occasion she endeavoured
to shun him His step made her start his entrance hushed her when he spoke
her answers failed of fluency when he took leave she remained selfvexed and
disconcerted Even her father noticed this demeanour in her
»My little Polly« he said once »you live too retired a life if you grow
to be a woman with these shy manners you will hardly be fitted for society You
really make quite a stranger of Dr Bretton how is this Dont you remember
that as a little girl you used to be rather partial to him«
»Rather papa« echoed she with her slightly dry yet gentle and simple
tone
»And you dont like him now What has he done«
»Nothing Yes I like him a little but we are grown strange to each
other«
»Then rub it off Polly rub the rust and the strangeness off Talk away
when he is here and have no fear of him«
»He does not talk much Is he afraid of me do you think papa«
»Oh to be sure What man would not be afraid of such a little silent lady«
»Then tell him some day not to mind my being silent Say that it is my way
and that I have no unfriendly intention«
»Your way you little chatterbox So far from being your way it is only
your whim«
»Well Ill improve papa«
And very pretty was the grace with which the next day she tried to keep
her word I saw her make the effort to converse affably with Dr John on general
topics The attention called into her guests face a pleasurable glow he met
her with caution and replied to her in his softest tones as if there was a
kind of gossamer happiness hanging in the air which he feared to disturb by
drawing too deep a breath Certainly in her timid yet earnest advance to
friendship it could not be denied that there was a most exquisite and fairy
charm
When the Doctor was gone she approached her fathers chair
»Did I keep my word papa Did I behave better«
»My Polly behaved like a queen I shall become quite proud of her if this
improvement continues By and by we shall see her receiving my guests with quite
a calm grand manner Miss Lucy and I will have to look about us and polish up
all our best airs and graces lest we should be thrown into the shade Still
Polly there is a little flutter a little tendency to stammer now and then and
even to lisp as you lisped when you were six years old«
»No papa« interrupted she indignantly »that cant be true«
»I appeal to Miss Lucy Did she not in answering Dr Brettons question as
to whether she had ever seen the palace of the Prince of Bois lEtang say yeth
she had been there theveral times«
»Papa you are satirical you are méchant I can pronounce all the letters
of the alphabet as clearly as you can But tell me this you are very particular
in making me be civil to Dr Bretton do you like him yourself«
»To be sure for old acquaintance sake I like him then he is a very good
son to his mother besides being a kindhearted fellow and clever in his
profession yes the callant is well enough«
»Gallant Ah Scotchman Papa is it the Edinburgh or the Aberdeen accent
you have«
»Both my pet both and doubtless the Glaswegian into the bargain it is
that which enables me to speak French so well a gude Scots tongue always
succeeds well at the French«
»The French Scotch again incorrigible papa You too need schooling«
»Well Polly you must persuade Miss Snowe to undertake both you and me to
make you steady and womanly and me refined and classical«
The light in which M de Bassompierre evidently regarded Miss Snowe used to
occasion me much inward edification What contradictory attributes of character
we sometimes find ascribed to us according to the eye with which we are viewed
Madame Beck esteemed me learned and blue Miss Fanshawe caustic ironic and
cynical Mr Home a model teacher the essence of the sedate and discreet
somewhat conventional perhaps too strict limited and scrupulous but still the
pink and pattern of governesscorrectness whilst another person Professor Paul
Emanuel to wit never lost an opportunity of intimating his opinion that mine
was rather a fiery and rash nature adventurous indocile and audacious I
smiled at them all If any one knew me it was little Paulina Mary
As I would not be Paulinas nominal and paid companion genial and
harmonious as I began to find her intercourse she persuaded me to join her in
some study as a regular and settled means of sustaining communication she
proposed the German language which like myself she found difficult of
mastery We agreed to take our lessons in the Rue Crécy of the same mistress
this arrangement threw us together for some hours of every week M de
Bassompierre seemed quite pleased it perfectly met his approbation that Madame
Minerva Gravity should associate a portion of her leisure with that of his fair
and dear child
That other selfelected judge of mine the professor in the Rue Fossette
discovering by some surreptitious spying means that I was no longer so
stationary as hitherto but went out regularly at certain hours of certain days
took it upon himself to place me under surveillance People said M Emanuel had
been brought up amongst Jesuits I should more readily have accredited this
report had his manoeuvres been better masked As it was I doubted it Never was
a more undisguised schemer a franker looser intriguer He would analyze his
own machinations elaborately contrive plots and forthwith indulge in
explanatory boasts of their skill I know not whether I was more amused or
provoked by his stepping up to me one morning and whispering solemnly that he
»had his eye on me he at least would discharge the duty of a friend and not
leave me entirely to my own devices My proceedings seemed at present very
unsettled he did not know what to make of them he thought his cousin Beck very
much to blame in suffering this sort of fluttering inconsistency in a teacher
attached to her house What had a person devoted to a serious calling that of
education to do with Counts and Countesses hotels and châteaux To him I
seemed altogether en lair On his faith he believed I went out six days in the
seven«
I said »Monsieur exaggerated I certainly had enjoyed the advantage of a
little change lately but not before it had become necessary and the privilege
was by no means exercised in excess«
»Necessary How was it necessary I was well enough he supposed Change
necessary He would recommend me to look at the Catholic réligieuses and study
their lives They asked no change«
I am no judge of what expression crossed my face when he thus spoke but it
was one which provoked him he accused me of being reckless worldly and
epicurean ambitious of greatness and feverishly athirst for the pomps and
vanities of life It seems I had no dévouement no recueillement in my
character no spirit of grace faith sacrifice or selfabasement Feeling the
inutility of answering these charges I mutely continued the correction of a
pile of English exercises
»He could see in me nothing Christian like many other Protestants I
revelled in the pride and selfwill of paganism«
I slightly turned from him nestling still closer under the wing of silence
A vague sound grumbled between his teeth it could not surely be a juron he
was too religious for that but I am certain I heard the word sacré Grievous to
relate the same word was repeated with the unequivocal addition of mille
something when I passed him about two hours afterwards in the corridor
prepared to go and take my German lesson in the Rue Crécy Never was a better
little man in some points than M Paul never in others a more waspish
little despot
Our German mistress Fraülein Anna Braun was a worthy hearty woman of about
fortyfive she ought perhaps to have lived in the days of Queen Elizabeth as
she habitually consumed for her first and second breakfasts beer and beef
also her direct and downright Deutsch nature seemed to suffer a sensation of
cruel restraint from what she called our English reserve though we thought we
were very cordial with her but we did not slap her on the shoulder and if we
consented to kiss her cheek it was done quietly and without any explosive
smack These omissions oppressed and depressed her considerably still on the
whole we got on very well Accustomed to instruct foreign girls who hardly
ever will think and study for themselves who have no idea of grappling with a
difficulty and overcoming it by dint of reflection or application our
progress which in truth was very leisurely seemed to astound her In her
eyes we were a pair of glacial prodigies cold proud and preternatural
The young Countess was a little proud a little fastidious and perhaps
with her native delicacy and beauty she had a right to these feelings but I
think it was a total mistake to ascribe them to me I never evaded the morning
salute which Paulina would slip when she could nor was a certain little manner
of still disdain a weapon known in my armoury of defence whereas Paulina
always kept it clear fine and bright and any rough German sally called forth
at once its steely glisten
Honest Anna Braun in some measure felt this difference and while she
halffeared halfworshipped Paulina as a sort of dainty nymph an Undine
she took refuge with me as a being all mortal and of easier mood
A book we liked well to read and translate was Schillers Ballads Paulina
soon learned to read them beautifully the Fraülein would listen to her with a
broad smile of pleasure and say her voice sounded like music She translated
them too with a facile flow of language and in a strain of kindred and poetic
fervour her cheek would flush her lips tremblingly smile her beauteous eyes
kindle or melt as she went on She learnt the best by heart and would often
recite them when we were alone together One she liked well was »Des Mädchens
Klage« that is she liked well to repeat the words she found plaintive melody
in the sound the sense she would criticise She murmured as we sat over the
fire one evening
»Du Heilige rufe dein Kind zurück
Ich habe genossen das irdische Glück
Ich habe gelebt und geliebet«
»Lived and loved« said she »is that the summit of earthly happiness the end
of life to love I dont think it is It may be the extreme of mortal misery
it may be sheer waste of time and fruitless torture of feeling If Schiller had
said to be loved he might have come nearer the truth Is not that another
thing Lucy to be loved«
»I suppose it may be but why consider the subject What is love to you
What do you know about it«
She crimsoned half in irritation half in shame
»Now Lucy« she said »I wont take that from you It may be well for papa
to look on me as a baby I rather prefer that he should thus view me but you
know and shall learn to acknowledge that I am verging on my nineteenth year«
»No matter if it were your twentyninth we will anticipate no feelings by
discussion and conversation we will not talk about love«
»Indeed indeed« said she all in hurry and heat »you may think to check
and hold me in as much as you please but I have talked about it and heard
about it too and a great deal and lately and disagreeably and detrimentally
and in a way you wouldnt approve«
And the vexed triumphant pretty naughty being laughed I could not
discern what she meant and I would not ask her I was nonplussed Seeing
however the utmost innocence in her countenance combined with some transient
perverseness and petulance I said at last
»Who talks to you disagreeably and detrimentally on such matters Who that
has near access to you would dare to do it«
»Lucy« replied she more softly »it is a person who makes me miserable
sometimes and I wish she would keep away I dont want her«
»But who Paulina can it be You puzzle me much«
»It is it is my cousin Ginevra Every time she has leave to visit Mrs
Cholmondeley she calls here and whenever she finds me alone she begins to talk
about her admirers Love indeed You should hear all she has to say about
love«
»Oh I have heard it« said I quite coolly »and on the whole perhaps it
is as well you should have heard it too it is not to be regretted it is all
right Yet surely Ginevras mind cannot influence yours You can look over both
her head and her heart«
»She does influence me very much She has the art of disturbing my happiness
and unsettling my opinions She hurts me through the feelings and people dearest
to me«
»What does she say Paulina Give me some idea There may be counteraction
of the damage done«
»The people I have longest and most esteemed are degraded by her She does
not spare Mrs Bretton she does not spare Graham«
»No I dare say and how does she mix up these with her sentiment and her
love She does mix them I suppose«
»Lucy she is insolent and I believe false You know Dr Bretton We both
know him He may be careless and proud but when was he ever mean or slavish
Day after day she shows him to me kneeling at her feet pursuing her like her
shadow She repulsing him with insult and he imploring her with infatuation
Lucy is it true Is any of it true«
»It may be true that he once thought her handsome does she give him out as
still her suitor«
»She says she might marry him any day he only waits her consent«
»It is these tales which have caused that reserve in your manner towards
Graham which your father noticed«
»They have certainly made me all doubtful about his character As Ginevra
speaks they do not carry with them the sound of unmixed truth I believe she
exaggerates perhaps invents but I want to know how far«
»Suppose we bring Miss Fanshawe to some proof Give her an opportunity of
displaying the power she boasts«
»I could do that tomorrow Papa has asked some gentlemen to dinner all
savants Graham who papa is beginning to discover is a savant too skilled
they say in more than one branch of science is among the number Now I should
be miserable to sit at table unsupported amidst such a party I could not talk
to Messieurs A-- and Z the Parisian academicians all my new credit for
manner would be put in peril You and Mrs Bretton must come for my sake
Ginevra at a word will join you«
»Yes then I will carry a message of invitation and she shall have the
chance of justifying her character for veracity«
Chapter XXVII
The Hotel Crécy
The morrow turned out a more lively and busy day than we or than I at
leasthad anticipated It seems it was the birthday of one of the young princes
of Labassecour the eldest I think the Duc de Dindonneaux and a general
holiday was given in his honour at the schools and especially at the principal
Athénée or college The youth of that institution had also concocted and were
to present a loyal address for which purpose they were to be assembled in the
public building where the yearly examinations were conducted and the prizes
distributed After the ceremony of presentation an oration or discours was to
follow from one of the professors
Several of M de Bassompierres friends the savants being more or less
connected with the Athénée they were expected to attend on this occasion
together with the worshipful municipality of Villette M le Chevalier Staas
the burgomaster and the parents and kinsfolk of the Athenians in general M de
Bassompierre was engaged by his friends to accompany them his fair daughter
would of course be of the party and she wrote a little note to Ginevra and
myself bidding us come early that we might join her
As Miss Fanshawe and I were dressing in the dormitory of the Rue Fossette
she Miss F suddenly burst into a laugh
»What now« I asked for she had suspended the operation of arranging her
attire and was gazing at me
»It seems so odd« she replied with her usual halfhonest halfinsolent
unreserve »that you and I should now be so much on a level visiting in the
same sphere having the same connections«
»Why yes« said I »I had not much respect for the connections you chiefly
frequented awhile ago Mrs Cholmondeley and Co would never have suited me at
all«
»Who are you Miss Snowe« she inquired in a tone of such undisguised and
unsophisticated curiosity as made me laugh in my turn
»You used to call yourself a nurserygoverness when you first came here you
really had the care of the children in this house I have seen you carry little
Georgette in your arms like a bonne few governesses would have condescended
so far and now Madame Beck treats you with more courtesy than she treats the
Parisienne St Pierre and that proud chit my cousin makes you her bosom
friend«
»Wonderful« I agreed much amused at her mystification »Who am I indeed
Perhaps a personage in disguise Pity I dont look the character«
»I wonder you are not more flattered by all this« she went on »you take it
with strange composure If you really are the nobody I once thought you you
must be a cool hand«
»The nobody you once thought me« I repeated and my face grew a little hot
but I would not be angry of what importance was a schoolgirls crude use of
the terms nobody and somebody I confined myself therefore to the remark that
I had merely met with civility and asked »what she saw in civility to throw the
recipient into a fever of confusion«
»One cant help wondering at some things« she persisted
»Wondering at marvels of your own manufacture Are you ready at last«
»Yes let me take your arm«
»I would rather not we will walk side by side«
When she took my arm she always leaned upon me her whole weight and as I
was not a gentleman or her lover I did not like it
»There again« she cried »I thought by offering to take your arm to
intimate approbation of your dress and general appearance I meant it as a
compliment«
»You did You meant in short to express that you are not ashamed to be
seen in the street with me That if Mrs Cholmondeley should be fondling her
lapdog at some window or Colonel de Hamal picking his teeth in a balcony and
should catch a glimpse of us you would not quite blush for your companion«
»Yes« said she with that directness which was her best point which gave
an honest plainness to her very fibs when she told them which was in short
the salt the sole preservative ingredient of a character otherwise not formed
to keep
I delegated the trouble of commenting on this yes to my countenance or
rather my underlip voluntarily anticipated my tongue of course reverence and
solemnity were not the feelings expressed in the look I gave her
»Scornful sneering creature« she went on as we crossed a great square
and entered the quiet pleasant park our nearest way to the Rue Crécy »Nobody
in this world was ever such a Turk to me as you are«
»You bring it on yourself let me alone have the sense to be quiet I will
let you alone«
»As if one could let you alone when you are so peculiar and so mysterious«
»The mystery and peculiarity being entirely the conception of your own brain
maggots neither more nor less be so good as to keep them out of my sight«
»But are you anybody« persevered she pushing her hand in spite of me
under my arm and that arm pressed itself with inhospitable closeness against my
side by way of keeping out the intruder
»Yes« I said »I am a rising character once an old ladys companion then
a nurserygoverness now a schoolteacher«
»Do do tell me who you are Ill not repeat it« she urged adhering with
ludicrous tenacity to the wise notion of an incognito she had got hold of and
she squeezed the arm of which she had now obtained full possession and coaxed
and conjured till I was obliged to pause in the park to laugh Throughout our
walk she rang the most fanciful changes on this theme proving by her obstinate
credulity or incredulity her incapacity to conceive how any person not
bolstered up by birth or wealth not supported by some consciousness of name or
connection could maintain an attitude of reasonable integrity As for me it
quite sufficed to my mental tranquillity that I was known where it imported that
known I should be the rest sat on me easily pedigree social position and
recondite intellectual acquisition occupied about the same space and place in
my interests and thoughts they were my third class lodgers to whom could be
assigned only the small sittingroom and the little back bedroom even if the
dining and drawing stood empty I never confessed it to them as thinking minor
accommodations better suited to their circumstances The world I soon learned
held a different estimate and I make no doubt the world is very right in its
view yet believe also that I am not quite wrong in mine
There are people whom a lowered position degrades morally to whom loss of
connection costs loss of self-respect are not these justified in placing the
highest value on that station and association which is their safeguard from
debasement If a man feels that he would become contemptible in his own eyes
were it generally known that his ancestry were simple and not gentle poor and
not rich workers and not capitalists would it be right severely to blame him
for keeping these fatal facts out of sight for starting trembling quailing
at the chance which threatens exposure The longer we live the more our
experience widens the less prone are we to judge our neighbours conduct to
question the worlds wisdom wherever an accumulation of small defences is
found, whether surrounding the prudes virtue or the man of the worlds
respectability there be sure it is needed
We reached the Hotel Crécy Paulina was ready Mrs Bretton was with her
and under her escort and that of M de Bassompierre we were soon conducted to
the place of assembly and seated in good seats at a convenient distance from
the Tribune The youth of the Athénée were marshalled before us the
municipality and their bourgmestre were in places of honour the young princes
with their tutors occupied a conspicuous position and the body of the building
was crowded with the aristocracy and first burghers of the town
Concerning the identity of the professor by whom the discours was to be
delivered I had as yet entertained neither care nor question Some vague
expectation I had that a savant would stand up and deliver a formal speech half
dogmatism to the Athenians halfflattery to the princes
The Tribune was yet empty when we entered but in ten minutes after it was
filled suddenly in a second of time a head chest and arms grew above the
crimson desk This head I knew its colour shape port expression were
familiar both to me and Miss Fanshawe the blackness and closeness of cranium
the amplitude and paleness of brow the blueness and fire of glance were
details so domesticated in the memory and so knit with many a whimsical
association as almost by this their sudden apparition to tickle fancy to a
laugh Indeed I confess for my part I did laugh till I was warm but then I
bent my head and made my handkerchief and a lowered veil the sole confidants of
my mirth
I think I was glad to see M Paul I think it was rather pleasant than
otherwise to behold him set up there fierce and frank dark and candid testy
and fearless as when regnant on his estrade in class His presence was such a
surprise I had not once thought of expecting him though I knew he filled the
chair of Belles Lettres in the college With him in that Tribune I felt sure
that neither formalism nor flattery would be our doom but for what was
vouchsafed us for what was poured suddenly rapidly continuously on our
heads I own I was not prepared
He spoke to the princes the nobles the magistrates and the burghers with
just the same ease with almost the same pointed choleric earnestness with
which he was wont to harangue the three divisions of the Rue Fossette The
collegians he addressed not as schoolboys but as future citizens and embryo
patriots The times which have since come on Europe had not been foretold yet
and M Emanuels spirit seemed new to me Who would have thought the flat and
fat soil of Labassecour could yield political convictions and national feelings
such as were now strongly expressed Of the bearing of his opinions I need here
give no special indication yet it may be permitted me to say that I believed
the little man not more earnest than right in what he said with all his fire he
was severe and sensible he trampled Utopian theories under his heel he
rejected wild dreams with scorn but when he looked in the face of tyranny
oh then there opened a light in his eye worth seeing and when he spoke of
injustice his voice gave no uncertain sound but reminded me rather of the
bandtrumpet ringing at twilight from the park
I do not think his audience were generally susceptible of sharing his flame
in its purity but some of the college youth caught fire as he eloquently told
them what should be their path and endeavour in their countrys and in Europes
future They gave him a long loud ringing cheer as he concluded with all his
fierceness he was their favourite professor
As our party left the Hall he stood at the entrance he saw and knew me
and lifted his hat he offered his hand in passing and uttered the words »Quen
dîtes vous« question eminently characteristic and reminding me even in this
his moment of triumph of that inquisitive restlessness that absence of what I
considered desirable selfcontrol which were amongst his faults He should not
have cared just then to ask what I thought or what anybody thought but he did
care and he was too natural to conceal too impulsive to repress his wish
Well if I blamed his overeagerness I liked his naïveté I would have praised
him I had plenty of praise in my heart but alas no words on my lips Who has
words at the right moment I stammered some lame expressions but was truly glad
when other people coming up with profuse congratulations covered my deficiency
by their redundancy
A gentleman introduced him to M de Bassompierre and the Count who had
likewise been highly gratified asked him to join his friends for the most part
M Emanuels likewise and to dine with them at the Hotel Crécy He declined
dinner for he was a man always somewhat shy in meeting the advances of the
wealthy there was a strength of sturdy independence in the stringing of his
sinews not obtrusive but pleasant enough to discover as one advanced in
knowledge of his character he promised however to step in with his friend M
A a French Academician in the course of the evening
At dinner that day Ginevra and Paulina each looked in her own way very
beautiful the former, perhaps boasted the advantage in material charms but
the latter shone preeminent for attractions more subtle and spiritual for light
and eloquence of eye for grace of mien for winning variety of expression
Ginevras dress of deep crimson relieved well her light curls and harmonized
with her roselike bloom Paulinas attire in fashion close though
faultlessly neat but in texture clear and white made the eye grateful for the
delicate life of her complexion for the soft animation of her countenance for
the tender depth of her eyes for the brown shadow and bounteous flow of her
hair darker than that of her Saxon cousin as were also her eyebrows her
eyelashes her full irids and large mobile pupils Nature having traced all
these details slightly and with a careless hand in Miss Fanshawes case and
in Miss de Bassompierres wrought them to a high and delicate finish
Paulina was awed by the savants but not quite to mutism she conversed
modestly diffidently not without effort but with so true a sweetness so fine
and penetrating a sense that her father more than once suspended his own
discourse to listen and fixed on her an eye of proud delight It was a polite
Frenchman M Z a very learned but quite a courtly man who had drawn her
into discourse I was charmed with her French it was faultless the structure
correct the idioms true the accent pure Ginevra who had lived half her life
on the Continent could do nothing like it not that words ever failed Miss
Fanshawe but real accuracy and purity she neither possessed nor in any number
of years would acquire Here too M de Bassompierre was gratified for on the
point of language he was critical
Another listener and observer there was one who detained by some exigency
of his profession had come in late to dinner Both ladies were quietly scanned
by Dr Bretton at the moment of taking his seat at the table and that guarded
survey was more than once renewed His arrival roused Miss Fanshawe who had
hitherto appeared listless she now became smiling and complacent talked
though what she said was rarely to the purpose or rather was of a purpose
somewhat mortifyingly below the standard of the occasion Her light
disconnected prattle might have gratified Graham once perhaps it pleased him
still perhaps it was only fancy which suggested the thought that while his eye
was filled and his ear fed his taste his keen zest his lively intelligence
were not equally consulted and regaled It is certain that restless and
exacting as seemed the demand on his attention he yielded courteously all that
was required his manner showed neither pique nor coolness Ginevra was his
neighbour and to her during dinner he almost exclusively confined his notice
She appeared satisfied and passed to the drawingroom in very good spirits
Yet no sooner had we reached that place of refuge than she again became
flat and listless throwing herself on a couch she denounced both the discours
and the dinner as stupid affairs and inquired of her cousin how she could hear
such a set of prosaic grosbonnets as her father gathered about him The moment
the gentlemen were heard to move her railings ceased she started up flew to
the piano and dashed at it with spirit Dr Bretton entering one of the first
took up his station beside her I thought he would not long maintain that post
there was a position near the hearth to which I expected to see him attracted
this position he only scanned with his eye while he looked others drew in The
grace and mind of Paulina charmed these thoughtful Frenchmen the fineness of
her beauty the soft courtesy of her manner her immature but real and inbred
tact pleased their national taste they clustered about her not indeed to talk
science which would have rendered her dumb but to touch on many subjects in
letters in arts in actual life on which it soon appeared that she had both
read and reflected I listened I am sure that though Graham stood aloof he
listened too his hearing as well as his vision was very fine quick
discriminating I knew he gathered the conversation I felt that the mode in
which it was sustained suited him exquisitely pleased him almost to pain
In Paulina there was more force both of feeling and character than most
people thought than Graham himself imagined than she would ever show to
those who did not wish to see it To speak truth reader there is no excellent
beauty no accomplished grace no reliable refinement without strength as
excellent as complete as trustworthy As well might you look for good fruit
and blossom on a rootless and sapless tree as for charms that will endure in a
feeble and relaxed nature For a little while the blooming semblance of beauty
may flourish round weakness but it cannot bear a blast it soon fades even in
serenest sunshine Graham would have started had any suggestive spirit whispered
of the sinew and the stamina sustaining that delicate nature but I who had
known her as a child knew or guessed by what a good and strong root her
graces held to the firm soil of reality
While Dr Bretton listened and waited an opening in the magic circle his
glance restlessly sweeping the room at intervals lighted by chance on me
where I sat in a quiet nook not far from my godmother and M de Bassompierre
who as usual were engaged in what Mr Home called a twohanded crack what the
Count would have interpreted as a têteàtête Graham smiled recognition
crossed the room asked me how I was told me I looked pale I also had my own
smile at my own thought it was now about three months since Dr John had spoken
to me a lapse of which he was not even conscious He sat down and became
silent His wish was rather to look than converse Ginevra and Paulina were now
opposite to him he could gaze his fill he surveyed both forms studied both
faces
Several new guests ladies as well as gentlemen had entered the room since
dinner dropping in for the evening conversation and amongst the gentlemen I
may incidentally observe I had already noticed by glimpses a severe dark
professoral outline hovering aloof in an inner saloon seen only in vista M
Emanuel knew many of the gentlemen present but I think was a stranger to most
of the ladies excepting myself in looking towards the hearth he could not but
see me and naturally made a movement to approach seeing however Dr Bretton
also he changed his mind and held back If that had been all there would have
been no cause for quarrel but not satisfied with holding back he puckered up
his eyebrows protruded his lip and looked so ugly that I averted my eyes from
the displeasing spectacle M Joseph Emanuel had arrived as well as his austere
brother and at this very moment was relieving Ginevra at the piano What a
mastertouch succeeded her schoolgirl jingle In what grand grateful tones the
instrument acknowledged the hand of the true artist
»Lucy« began Dr Bretton breaking silence and smiling as Ginevra glided
before him casting a glance as she passed by »Miss Fanshawe is certainly a
fine girl«
Of course I assented
»Is there« he pursued »another in the room as lovely«
»I think there is not another as handsome«
»I agree with you Lucy you and I do often agree in opinion in taste I
think or at least in judgment«
»Do we« I said somewhat doubtfully
»I believe if you had been a boy Lucy instead of a girl my mothers
godson instead of her goddaughter we should have been good friends our
opinions would have melted into each other«
He had assumed a bantering air a light halfcaressing halfironic shone
aslant in his eye Ah Graham I have given more than one solitary moment to
thoughts and calculations of your estimate of Lucy Snowe was it always kind or
just Had Lucy been intrinsically the same but possessing the additional
advantages of wealth and station would your manner to her your value for her
have been quite what they actually were And yet by these questions I would not
seriously infer blame No you might sadden and trouble me sometimes but then
mine was a soondepressed an easilyderanged temperament it fell if a cloud
crossed the sun Perhaps before the eye of severe equity I should stand more at
fault than you
Trying then to keep down the unreasonable pain which thrilled my heart on
thus being made to feel that while Graham could devote to others the most grave
and earnest the manliest interest he had no more than light raillery for Lucy
the friend of lang syne I inquired calmly
»On what points are we so closely in accordance«
»We each have an observant faculty You perhaps dont give me credit for
the possession yet I have it«
»But you were speaking of tastes we may see the same objects yet estimate
them differently«
»Let us bring it to the test Of course you cannot but render homage to the
merits of Miss Fanshawe now what do you think of others in the room my
mother for instance or the lions yonder Messieurs A-- and Z or let us
say that pale little lady Miss de Bassompierre«
»You know what I think of your mother I have not thought of Messieurs A--
and Z«
»And the other«
»I think she is as you say a pale little lady pale certainly just now
when she is fatigued with overexcitement«
»You dont remember her as a child«
»I wonder sometimes whether you do«
»I had forgotten her but it is noticeable that circumstances persons
even words and looks that had slipped your memory may under certain
conditions certain aspects of your own or anothers mind revive«
»That is possible enough«
»Yet« he continued »the revival is imperfect needs confirmation
partakes so much of the dim character of a dream or of the airy one of a fancy
that the testimony of a witness becomes necessary for corroboration Were you
not a guest at Bretton ten years ago when Mr Home brought his little girl
whom we then called little Polly to stay with mama«
»I was there the night she came and also the morning she went away«
»Rather a peculiar child was she not I wonder how I treated her Was I
fond of children in those days Was there anything gracious or kindly about me
great reckless schoolboy as I was But you dont recollect me of course«
»You have seen your own picture at La Terrasse It is like you personally
In manner you were almost the same yesterday as today«
»But Lucy how is that Such an oracle really whets my curiosity What am I
today What was I the yesterday of ten years back«
»Gracious to whatever pleased you unkindly or cruel to nothing«
»There you are wrong I think I was almost a brute to you for instance«
»A brute No Graham I should never have patiently endured brutality«
»This however I do remember quiet Lucy Snowe tasted nothing of my grace«
»As little of your cruelty«
»Why had I been Nero himself I could not have tormented a being
inoffensive as a shadow«
I smiled but I also hushed a groan Oh I wished he would just let me
alone cease allusion to me These epithets these attributes I put from me
His quiet Lucy Snowe his inoffensive shadow I gave him back not with scorn
but with extreme weariness theirs was the coldness and the pressure of lead
let him whelm me with no such weight Happily he was soon on another theme
»On what terms were little Polly and I Unless my recollections deceive me
we were not foes «
»You speak very vaguely Do you think little Pollys memory not more
definite«
»Oh we dont talk of little Polly now Pray say Miss de Bassompierre and
of course such a stately personage remembers nothing of Bretton Look at her
large eyes Lucy can they read a word in the page of memory Are they the same
which I used to direct to a hornbook She does not know that I partly taught
her to read«
»In the Bible on Sunday nights«
»She has a calm delicate rather fine profile now once what a little
restless anxious countenance was hers What a thing is a childs preference
what a bubble Would you believe it that lady was fond of me«
»I think she was in some measure fond of you« said I moderately
»You dont remember then I had forgotten but I remember now She liked me
the best of whatever there was at Bretton«
»You thought so«
»I quite well recall it I wish I could tell her all I recall or rather I
wish some one you for instance would go behind and whisper it all in her ear
and I could have the delight here as I sit of watching her look under the
intelligence Could you manage that think you Lucy and make me ever
grateful«
»Could I manage to make you ever grateful« said I »No I could not« And I
felt my fingers work and my hands interlock I felt too an inward courage
warm and resistant In this matter I was not disposed to gratify Dr John not
at all With now welcome force I realized his entire misapprehension of my
character and nature He wanted always to give me a rôle not mine Nature and I
opposed him He did not at all guess what I felt he did not read my eyes or
face or gestures though I doubt not all spoke Leaning towards me coaxingly
he said softly »Do content me Lucy«
And I would have contented or at least I would clearly have enlightened
him and taught him well never again to expect of me the part of officious
soubrette in a love drama when following his soft eager murmur meeting
almost his pleading mellow »Do content me Lucy« a sharp hiss pierced my
ear on the other side
»Petite chatte doucerette coquette« sibillated the sudden
boaconstrictor »vous avez lair bien triste soumise rêveuse mats vous ne
lêtes pas cest moi qui vous le dis Sauvage la flamme à lâme léclair aux
yeux«
»Out jai la flamme à lâme et je dois lavoir« retorted I turning in
just wrath but Professor Emanuel had hissed his insult and was gone
The worst of the matter was that Dr Bretton whose ears as I have said
were quick and fine caught every word of this apostrophe he put his
handkerchief to his face and laughed till he shook
»Well done Lucy« cried he »capital petite chatte petite coquette Oh I
must tell my mother Is it true Lucy or halftrue I believe it is you redden
to the colour of Miss Fanshawes gown And really by my word now I examine
him that is the same little man who was so savage with you at the concert the
very same and in his soul he is frantic at this moment because he sees me
laughing Oh I must tease him«
And Graham yielding to his bent for mischief laughed jested and
whispered on till I could bear no more and my eyes filled
Suddenly he was sobered a vacant space appeared near Miss de Bassompierre
the circle surrounding her seemed about to dissolve This movement was instantly
caught by Grahams eye evervigilant even while laughing he rose took his
courage in both hands crossed the room and made the advantage his own Dr
John throughout his whole life was a man of luck a man of success And why
Because he had the eye to see his opportunity the heart to prompt to welltimed
action the nerve to consummate a perfect work And no tyrantpassion dragged
him back no enthusiasms no foibles encumbered his way How well he looked at
this very moment When Paulina looked up as he reached her side her glance
mingled at once with an encountering glance animated yet modest his colour
as he spoke to her became half a blush half a glow He stood in her presence
brave and bashful subdued and unobtrusive yet decided in his purpose and
devoted in his ardour I gathered all this by one view I did not prolong my
observation time failed me had inclination served the night wore late
Ginevra and I ought already to have been in the Rue Fossette I rose and bade
goodnight to my godmother and M de Bassompierre
I know not whether Professor Emanuel had noticed my reluctant acceptance of
Dr Brettons badinage or whether he perceived that I was pained and that on
the whole the evening had not been one flow of exultant enjoyment for the
volatile pleasureloving Mademoiselle Lucie but as I was leaving the room
he stepped up and inquired whether I had any one to attend me to the Rue
Fossette The professor now spoke politely and even deferentially and he
looked apologetic and repentant but I could not recognise his civility at a
word nor meet his contrition with crude premature oblivion Never hitherto had
I felt seriously disposed to resent his brusqueries or freeze before his
fierceness what he had said tonight however I considered unwarranted my
extreme disapprobation of the proceeding must be marked however slightly I
merely said
»I am provided with attendance«
Which was true as Ginevra and I were to be sent home in the carriage and I
passed him with the sliding obeisance with which he was wont to be saluted in
classe by pupils crossing his estrade
Having sought my shawl I returned to the vestibule M Emanuel stood there
as if waiting He observed that the night was fine
»Is it« I said with a tone and manner whose consummate chariness and
frostiness I could not but applaud It was so seldom I could properly act out my
own resolution to be reserved and cool where I had been grieved or hurt that I
felt almost proud of this one successful effort That »Is it« sounded just like
the manner of other people I had heard hundreds of such little minced docked
dry phrases from the pursedup coral lips of a score of self-possessed
selfsufficing misses and mesdemoiselles That M Paul would not stand any
prolonged experience of this sort of dialogue I knew but he certainly merited a
sample of the curt and arid I believe he thought so himself for he took the
dose quietly He looked at my shawl and objected to its lightness I decidedly
told him it was as heavy as I wished Receding aloof and standing apart I
leaned on the banister of the stairs folded my shawl about me and fixed my
eyes on a dreary religious painting darkening the wall
Ginevra was long in coming tedious seemed her loitering M Paul was still
there my ear expected from his lips an angry tone He came nearer »Now for
another hiss« thought I had not the action been too uncivil I could have
stopped my ears with my fingers in terror of the thrill Nothing happens as we
expect listen for a coo or a murmur it is then you will hear a cry of prey or
pain Await a piercing shriek an angry threat and welcome an amicable
greeting a low kind whisper M Paul spoke gently
»Friends« said he »do not quarrel for a word Tell me was it I or ce
grand fat dAnglais« so he profanely denominated Dr Bretton »who made your
eyes so humid and your cheeks so hot as they are even now«
»I am not conscious of you monsieur or of any other having excited such
emotion as you indicate« was my answer and in giving it I again surpassed my
usual self and achieved a neat frosty falsehood
»But what did I say« he pursued »tell me I was angry I have forgotten my
words what were they«
»Such as it is best to forget« said I still quite calm and chill
»Then it was my words which wounded you Consider them unsaid permit my
retractation accord my pardon«
»I am not angry monsieur«
»Then you are worse than angry grieved Forgive me Miss Lucy«
»M Emanuel I do forgive you«
»Let me hear you say in the voice natural to you and not in that alien
tone Mon ami je vous pardonne« He made me smile Who could help smiling at
his wistfulness his simplicity his earnestness
»Bon« he cried »Voilà que le jour va poindre Dîtes donc mon ami«
»Monsieur Paul je vous pardonne«
»I will have no monsieur speak the other word or I shall not believe you
sincere another effort mon ami or else in English my friend«
Now my friend had rather another sound and significancy than mon ami it
did not breathe the same sense of domestic and intimate affection mon ami I
could not say to M Paul my friend I could and did say without difficulty
This distinction existed not for him however and he was quite satisfied with
the English phrase He smiled You should have seen him smile reader and you
should have marked the difference between his countenance now and that he wore
half an hour ago I cannot affirm that I had ever witnessed the smile of
pleasure or content or kindness round M Pauls lips or in his eyes before
The ironic the sarcastic the disdainful the passionately exultant I had
hundreds of times seen him express by what he called a smile but any
illuminated sign of milder or warmer feeling struck me as wholly new in his
visage It changed it as from a mask to a face the deep lines left his
features the very complexion seemed clearer and fresher that swart sallow
southern darkness which spoke his Spanish blood became displaced by a lighter
hue I know not that I have ever seen in any other human face an equal
metamorphosis from a similar cause He now took me to the carriage at the same
moment M de Bassompierre came out with his niece
In a pretty humour was Mistress Fanshawe she had found the evening a grand
failure completely upset as to temper she gave way to the most uncontrolled
moroseness as soon as we were seated and the carriagedoor closed Her
invectives against Dr Bretton had something venomous in them Having found
herself impotent either to charm or sting him hatred was her only resource and
this hatred she expressed in terms so unmeasured and proportion so monstrous
that after listening for a while with assumed stoicism my outraged sense of
justice at last and suddenly caught fire An explosion ensued for I could be
passionate too especially with my present fair but faulty associate who never
failed to stir the worst dregs of me It was well that the carriagewheels made
a tremendous rattle over the flinty Choseville pavement for I can assure the
reader there was neither dead silence nor calm discussion within the vehicle
Half in earnest half in seeming I made it my business to storm down Ginevra
She had set out rampant from the Rue Crécy it was necessary to tame her before
we reached the Rue Fossette to this end it was indispensable to show up her
sterling value and high deserts and this must be done in language of which the
fidelity and homeliness might challenge comparison with the compliments of a
John Knox to a Mary Stuart This was the right discipline for Ginevra it suited
her I am quite sure she went to bed that night all the better and more settled
in mind and mood and slept all the more sweetly for having undergone a sound
moral drubbing
Chapter XXVIII
The Watchguard
M Paul Emanuel owned an acute sensitiveness to the annoyance of interruption
from whatsoever cause occurring during his lessons to pass through the classe
under such circumstances was considered by the teachers and pupils of the
school individually and collectively to be as much as a womans or girls life
was worth
Madame Beck herself if forced to the enterprise would skurry through
retrenching her skirts and carefully coasting the formidable estrade like a
ship dreading breakers As to Rosine the portress on whom every halfhour
devolved the fearful duty of fetching pupils out of the very heart of one or
other of the divisions to take their musiclessons in the oratory the great or
little salon the salle à manger or some other pianostation she would upon
her second or third attempt frequently become almost tonguetied from excess of
consternation a sentiment inspired by the unspeakable looks levelled at her
through a pair of dartdealing spectacles
One morning I was sitting in the carré at work upon a piece of embroidery
which one of the pupils had commenced but delayed to finish and while my
fingers wrought at the frame my ears regaled themselves with listening to the
crescendos and cadences of a voice haranguing in the neighbouring classe in
tones that waxed momently more unquiet more ominously varied There was a good
strong partitionwall between me and the gathering storm as well as a facile
means of flight through the glassdoor to the court in case it swept this way
so I am afraid I derived more amusement than alarm from these thickening
symptoms Poor Rosine was not so safe four times that blessed morning had she
made the passage of peril and now for the fifth time it became her dangerous
duty to snatch as it were a brand from the burning a pupil from under M
Pauls nose
»Mon Dieu Mon Dieul« cried she »Que vaisje devenir Monsieur va me tuer
je suis sûre car il est dune colère«
Nerved by the courage of desperation she opened the door
»Mademoiselle La Malle au piano« was her cry Ere she could make good her
retreat or quite close the door this voice uttered itself
»Dès ce moment la classe est défendue La première qui ouvrira cette
porte ou passera par cette division sera pendue futce Madame Beck elle
même«
Ten minutes had not succeeded the promulgation of this decree when Rosines
French pantoufles were again heard shuffling along the corridor
»Mademoiselle« said she »I would not for a five franc piece go into that
classe again just now Monsieurs lunettes are really terrible and here is a
commissionaire come with a message from the Athénée I have told Madame Beck I
dare not deliver it and she says I am to charge you with it«
»Me No that is rather too bad It is not in my line of duty Come come
Rosine bear your own burden Be brave charge once more«
»I Mademoiselle impossible Five times I have crossed him this day
Madame must really hire a gendarme for this service Ouf Je nen puis plus«
»Bah you are only a coward What is the message«
»Precisely of the kind with which Monsieur least likes to be pestered an
urgent summons to go directly to the Athénée as there is an official visitor
inspector I know not what arrived and Monsieur must meet him you know how
he hates a must«
Yes I knew well enough The restive little man detested spur or curb
against whatever was urgent or obligatory he was sure to revolt However I
accepted the responsibility not certainly without fear but fear blent with
other sentiments curiosity amongst them I opened the door I entered I closed
it behind me as quickly and quietly as a rather unsteady hand would permit for
to be slow or bustling to rattle a latch or leave a door gaping wide were
aggravations of crime often more disastrous in result than the main crime
itself There I stood then and there he sat his humour was visibly bad
almost at its worst he had been giving a lesson in arithmetic for he gave
lessons on any and every subject that struck his fancy and arithmetic being a
dry subject invariably disagreed with him not a pupil but trembled when he
spoke of figures He sat bent above his desk to look up at the sound of an
entrance at the occurrence of a direct breach of his will and law was an
effort he could not for the moment bring himself to make It was quite as well
I thus gained time to walk up the long classe and it suited my idiosyncracy far
better to encounter the near burst of anger like his than to bear its menace at
a distance
At his estrade I paused just in front of course I was not worthy of
immediate attention he proceeded with his lesson Disdain would not do he must
hear and he must answer my message
Not being quite tall enough to lift my head over his desk elevated upon the
estrade and thus suffering eclipse in my present position I ventured to peep
round with the design at first of merely getting a better view of his face
which had struck me when I entered as bearing a close and picturesque
resemblance to that of a black and sallow tiger Twice did I enjoy this
sideview with impunity advancing and receding unseen the third time my eye
had scarce dawned beyond the obscuration of the desk when it was caught and
transfixed through its very pupil transfixed by the lunettes Rosine was
right these utensils had in them a blank and immutable terror beyond the
mobile wrath of the wearers own unglazed eyes
I now found the advantage of proximity these shortsighted lunettes were
useless for the inspection of a criminal under Monsieurs nose accordingly he
doffed them and he and I stood on more equal terms
I am glad I was not really much afraid of him that indeed close in his
presence I felt no terror at all for upon his demanding cord and gibbet to
execute the sentence recently pronounced I was able to furnish him with a
needleful of embroidering thread with such accommodating civility as could not
but allay some portion at least of his surplus irritation Of course I did not
parade this courtesy before public view I merely handed the thread round the
angle of the desk and attached it ready noosed to the barred back of the
Professors chair
»Que me voulezvous« said he in a growl of which the music was wholly
confined to his chest and throat for he kept his teeth clenched and seemed
registering to himself an inward vow that nothing earthly should wring from him
a smile My answer commenced uncompromisingly
»Monsieur« I said »je veux limpossible des choses inouies« and thinking
it best not to mince matters but to administer the douche with decision in a
low but quick voice I delivered the Athenian message floridly exaggerating its
urgency
Of course he would not hear a word of it »He would not go he would not
leave his present class let all the officials in Villette send for him He
would not put himself an inch out of his way at the bidding of king cabinet
and chambers together«
I knew however that he must go that talk as he would both his duty and
interest commanded an immediate and literal compliance with the summons I
stood therefore waiting in silence as if he had not yet spoken He asked what
more I wanted
»Only Monsieurs answer to deliver to the commissionaire«
He waved an impatient negative
I ventured to stretch my hand to the bonnetgrec which lay in grim repose on
the windowsill He followed this daring movement with his eye no doubt in
mixed pity and amazement at its presumption
»Ah« he muttered »if it came to that if Miss Lucy meddled with his
bonnetgrec she might just put it on herself turn garçon for the occasion
and benevolently go to the Athénée in his stead«
With great respect I laid the bonnet on the desk where its tassel seemed
to give me an awful nod
»Ill write a note of apology that will do« said he still bent on
evasion
Knowing well it would not do I gently pushed the bonnet towards his hand
Thus impelled it slid down the polished slope of the varnished and unbaized
desk carried before it the light steelframed lunettes and fearful to relate
they fell to the estrade A score of times ere now had I seen them fall and
receive no damage this time as Lucy Snowes hapless luck would have it they
so fell that each clear pebble became a shivered and shapeless star
Now indeed dismay seized me dismay and regret I knew the value of those
lunettes M Pauls sight was peculiar not easily fitted and these glasses
suited him I had heard him call them his treasures as I picked them up
cracked and worthless my hand trembled Frightened through all my nerves I was
to see the mischief I had done but I think I was even more sorry than afraid
For some seconds I dared not look the bereaved Professor in the face he was the
first to speak
»Là« said he »me voilà veuf de mes lunettes I think Mademoiselle Lucy
will now confess that the cord and gallows are amply earned she trembles in
anticipation of her doom Ah traitress traitress You are resolved to have me
quite blind and helpless in your hands«
I lifted my eyes his face instead of being irate lowering and furrowed
was overflowing with the smile coloured with the bloom I had seen brightening
it that evening at the Hôtel Crécy He was not angry not even grieved For the
real injury he showed himself full of clemency under the real provocation
patient as a saint This event which seemed so untoward which I thought had
ruined at once my chance of successful persuasion proved my best help
Difficult of management so long as I had done him no harm he became graciously
pliant as soon as I stood in his presence a conscious and contrite offender
Still gently railing at me as »une forte femme une Anglaise terrible une
petite cassetout« he declared that he dared not but obey one who had given
such an instance of her dangerous prowess it was absolutely like the »grand
Empereur smashing the vase to inspire dismay« So at last crowning himself
with his bonnetgrec and taking his ruined lunettes from my hand with a clasp
of kind pardon and encouragement he made his bow and went off to the Athénée
in firstrate humour and spirits
After all this amiability the reader will be sorry for my sake to hear that I
was quarrelling with M Paul again before night yet so it was and I could not
help it
It was his occasional custom and a very laudable acceptable custom too
to arrive of an evening always à limproviste unannounced burst in on the
silent hour of study establish a sudden despotism over us and our occupations
cause books to be put away workbags to be brought out and drawing forth a
single thick volume or a handful of pamphlets substitute for the besotted
»lecture pieuse« drawled by a sleepy pupil some tragedy made grand by grand
reading ardent by fiery action some drama whereof for my part I rarely
studied the intrinsic merit for M Emanuel made it a vessel for an outpouring
and filled it with his native verve and passion like a cup with a vital brewage
Or else he would flash through our conventual darkness a reflex of a brighter
world show us a glimpse of the current literature of the day read us passages
from some enchanting tale or the last witty feuilleton which had awakened
laughter in the saloons of Paris taking care always to expunge with the
severest hand whether from tragedy melodrama tale or essay whatever
passage phrase or word could be deemed unsuited to an audience of »jeunes
filles« I noticed more than once that where retrenchment without substitute
would have left unmeaning vacancy or introduced weakness he could and did
improvise whole paragraphs no less vigorous than irreproachable the dialogue
the description he engrafted was often far better than that he pruned away
Well on the evening in question we were sitting silent as nuns in a
retreat the pupils studying the teachers working I remember my work it was a
slight matter of fancy and it rather interested me it had a purpose I was not
doing it merely to kill time I meant it when finished as a gift and the
occasion of presentation being near haste was requisite and my fingers were
busy
We heard the sharp bellpeal which we all knew then the rapid step familiar
to each ear the words »Voilà Monsieur« had scarcely broken simultaneously from
every lip when the twoleaved door split as split it always did for his
admission such a slow word as open is inefficient to describe his movements
and he stood in the midst of us
There were two studytables both long and flanked with benches over the
centre of each hung a lamp beneath this lamp on either side the table sat a
teacher the girls were arranged to the right hand and the left the eldest and
most studious nearest the lamps or tropics the idlers and little ones towards
the north and south poles Monsieurs habit was politely to hand a chair to some
teacher generally Zélie St Pierre the senior mistress then to take her
vacated seat and thus avail himself of the full beam of Cancer or Capricorn
which owing to his near sight he needed
As usual Zélie rose with alacrity smiling to the whole extent of her
mouth and the full display of her upper and under rows of teeth that strange
smile which passes from ear to ear and is marked only by a sharp thin curve
which fails to spread over the countenance and neither dimples the cheek nor
lights the eye I suppose Monsieur did not see her or he had taken a whim that
he would not notice her for he was as capricious as women are said to be then
his lunettes he had got another pair served him as an excuse for all sorts of
little oversights and shortcomings Whatever might be his reason he passed by
Zélie came to the other side of the table and before I could start up to clear
the way whispered »Ne bougez pas« and established himself between me and Miss
Fanshawe who always would be my neighbour and have her elbow in my side
however often I declared to her
»Ginevra I wish you were at Jericho«
It was easy to say »Ne bougez pas« but how could I help it I must make
him room and I must request the pupils to recede that I might recede It was
very well for Ginevra to be gummed to me »keeping herself warm« as she said on
the winter evenings and harassing my very heart with her fidgetings and
pokings obliging me indeed sometimes to put an artful pin in my girdle by way
of protection against her elbow but I suppose M Emanuel was not to be
subjected to the same kind of treatment so I swept away my working materials
to clear space for his book and withdrew myself to make room for his person
not however leaving more than a yard of interval just what any reasonable man
would have regarded as a convenient respectful allowance of bench But M
Emanuel never was reasonable flint and tinder that he was he struck and took
fire directly
»Vous ne voulez pas de moi pour voisin« he growled »vous vous donnez des
airs de caste vous me traitez en paria« he scowled »Soit je vais arranger la
chose« And he set to work
»Levezvous toutes mesdemoiselles« cried he
The girls rose He made them all file off to the other table He then placed
me at one extremity of the long bench and having duly and carefully brought me
my workbasket silk scissors all my implements he fixed himself quite at the
other end
At this arrangement highly absurd as it was not a soul in the room dared
to laugh luckless for the giggler would have been the giggle As for me I took
it with entire coolness There I sat isolated and cut off from human
intercourse I sat and minded my work and was quiet and not at all unhappy
»Estce assez de distance« he demanded
»Monsieur en est larbitre« said I
»Vous savez bien que non Cest vous qui avez crée ce vide immense moi je
ny ai pas mis la main«
And with this assertion he commenced the reading
For his misfortune he had chosen a French translation of what he called »un
drame de Williams Shackspire le faux dieu« he further announced »de ces sots
païens les Anglais« How far otherwise he would have characterized him had his
temper not been upset I scarcely need intimate
Of course the translation being French was very inefficient nor did I
make any particular effort to conceal the contempt which some of its forlorn
lapses were calculated to excite Not that it behoved or beseemed me to say
anything but one can occasionally look the opinion it is forbidden to embody in
words Monsieurs lunettes being on the alert he gleamed up every stray look I
dont think he lost one the consequence was his eyes soon discarded a screen
that their blaze might sparkle free and he waxed hotter at the north pole to
which he had voluntarily exiled himself than considering the general
temperature of the room it would have been reasonable to become under the
vertical ray of Cancer itself.
The reading over it appeared problematic whether he would depart with his
anger unexpressed or whether he would give it vent Suppression was not much in
his habits but still what had been done to him definite enough to afford
matter for overt reproof I had not uttered a sound and could not justly be
deemed amenable to reprimand or penalty for having permitted a slightly freer
action than usual to the muscles about my eyes and mouth
The supper consisting of bread and milk diluted with tepid water was
brought in In respectful consideration of the professors presence the rolls
and glasses were allowed to stand instead of being immediately handed round
»Take your supper ladies« said he seeming to be occupied in making
marginal notes to his »Williams Shackspire« They took it I also accepted a
roll and glass but being now more than ever interested in my work I kept my
seat of punishment and wrought while I munched my bread and sipped my beverage
the whole with easy sang froid with a certain snugness of composure indeed
scarcely in my habits and pleasantly novel to my feelings It seemed as if the
presence of a nature so restless chafing thorny as that of M Paul absorbed
all feverish and unsettling influences like a magnet and left me none but such
as were placid and harmonious
He rose »Will he go away without saying another word« Yes he turned to
the door
No he returned on his steps but only perhaps to take his pencilcase
which had been left on the table
He took it shut the pencil in and out broke its point against the wood
recut and pocketed it and walked promptly up to me
The girls and teachers gathered round the other table were talking pretty
freely they always talked at meals and from the constant habit of speaking
fast and loud at such times did not now subdue their voices much
M Paul came and stood behind me He asked at what I was working and I said
I was making a watchguard
He asked »For whom« And I answered »For a gentleman one of my friends«
M Paul stooped down and proceeded as novelwriters say and as was
literally true in his case to hiss into my ear some poignant words
He said that of all the women he knew I was the one who could make herself
the most consummately unpleasant I was she with whom it was least possible to
live on friendly terms I had a »caractère intraitable« and perverse to a
miracle How I managed it or what possessed me he for his part did not know
but with whatever pacific and amicable intentions a person accosted me crac I
turned concord to discord goodwill to enmity He was sure he M Paul
wished me well enough he had never done me any harm that he knew of he might
at least he supposed claim a right to be regarded as a neutral acquaintance
guiltless of hostile sentiments yet how I behaved to him With what pungent
vivacities what an impetus of mutiny what a fougue of injustice
Here I could not avoid opening my eyes somewhat wide and even slipping in a
slight interjectional observation
»Vivacities Impetus Fougue I did nt know «
»Chut à linstant There there I went vive comme la poudre« He was
sorry he was very sorry for my sake he grieved over the hapless peculiarity
This emportement this chaleur generous perhaps but excessive would yet
he feared do me a mischief It was a pity I was not he believed in his soul
wholly without good qualities and would I but hear reason and be more
sedate more sober less en lair less coquette less taken by show less prone
to set an undue value on outside excellence to make much of the attentions of
people remarkable chiefly for so many feet of stature »des couleurs de poupée«
»un nez plus ou moins bien fait« and an enormous amount of fatuity I might
yet prove an useful perhaps an exemplary character But as it was And
here the little mans voice was for a minute choked
I would have looked up at him or held out my hand or said a soothing word
but I was afraid if I stirred I should either laugh or cry so odd in all
this was the mixture of the touching and the absurd
I thought he had nearly done but no he sat down that he might go on at his
ease
»While he M Paul was on these painful topics he would dare my anger for
the sake of my good and would venture to refer to a change he had noticed in my
dress He was free to confess that when he first knew me or rather was in
the habit of catching a passing glimpse of me from time to time I satisfied
him on this point the gravity the austere simplicity obvious in this
particular were such as to inspire the highest hopes for my best interests
What fatal influence had impelled me lately to introduce flowers under the brim
of my bonnet to wear des cols brodés and even to appear on one occasion in a
scarlet gown he might indeed conjecture but for the present would not
openly declare«
Again I interrupted and this time not without an accent at once indignant
and horrorstruck
»Scarlet Monsieur Paul It was not scarlet It was pink and pale pink
too and further subdued by black lace«
»Pink or scarlet yellow or crimson peagreen or skyblue it was all one
these were all flaunting giddy colours and as to the lace I talked of that
was but a colifichet de plus« And he sighed over my degeneracy »He could not
he was sorry to say be so particular on this theme as he could wish not
possessing the exact names of these babioles he might run into small verbal
errors which would not fail to lay him open to my sarcasm and excite my
unhappily sudden and passionate disposition He would merely say in general
terms and in these general terms he knew he was correct that my costume had
of late assumed des façons mondaines which it wounded him to see«
What »façons mondaines« he discovered in my present winter merino and plain
white collar I own it puzzled me to guess and when I asked him he said it was
all made with too much attention to effect and besides »had I not a bow of
ribbon at my neck«
»And if you condemn a bow of ribbon for a lady monsieur you would
necessarily disapprove of a thing like this for a gentleman« holding up my
bright little chainlet of silk and gold His sole reply was a groan I suppose
over my levity
After sitting some minutes in silence and watching the progress of the
chain at which I now wrought more assiduously than ever he inquired
»Whether what he had just said would have the effect of making me entirely
detest him«
I hardly remember what answer I made or how it came about I dont think I
spoke at all but I know we managed to bid goodnight on friendly terms and
even after M Paul had reached the door he turned back just to explain »that
he would not be understood to speak in entire condemnation of the scarlet dress«
»Pink pink« I threw in »that he had no intention to deny it the merit of
looking rather well« the fact was M Emanuels taste in colours decidedly
leaned to the brilliant »only he wished to counsel me whenever I wore it to
do so in the same spirit as if its material were bure and its hue gris de
poussière«
»And the flowers under my bonnet monsieur« I asked »They are very little
ones «
»Keep them little then« said he »Permit them not to become fullblown«
»And the bow monsieur the bit of ribbon«
»Va pour le ruban« was the propitious answer
And so we settled it
»Well done Lucy Snowe« cried I to myself »you have come in for a pretty
lecture brought on yourself a rude savon and all through your wicked fondness
for worldly vanities Who would have thought it You deemed yourself a
melancholy sobersides enough Miss Fanshawe there regards you as a second
Diogenes M de Bassompierre the other day politely turned the conversation
when it ran on the wild gifts of the actress Vashti because as he kindly said
Miss Snowe looked uncomfortable Dr John Bretton knows you only as quiet Lucy
a creature inoffensive as a shadow he has said and you have heard him say it
Lucys disadvantages spring from overgravity in tastes and manner want of
colour in character and costume Such are your own and your friends
impressions and behold there starts up a little man differing diametrically
from all these roundly charging you with being too airy and cheery too
volatile and versatile too flowery and coloury This harsh little man this
pitiless censor gathers up all your poor scattered sins of vanity your
luckless chiffon of rosecolour your small fringe of a wreath your small scrap
of ribbon your silly bit of lace and calls you to account for the lot and for
each item You are well habituated to be passed by as a shadow in Lifes
sunshine it is a new thing to see one testily lifting his hand to screen his
eyes because you tease him with an obtrusive ray«
Chapter XXIX
Monsieurs Fête
I was up the next morning an hour before daybreak and finished my guard
kneeling on the dormitory floor beside the centre stand for the benefit of such
expiring glimmer as the nightlamp afforded in its last watch
All my materials my whole stock of beads and silk were used up before
the chain assumed the length and richness I wished I had wrought it double as
I knew by the rule of contraries that to suit the particular taste whose
gratification was in view an effective appearance was quite indispensable As a
finish to the ornament a little gold clasp was needed fortunately I possessed
it in the fastening of my sole necklace I duly detached and reattached it
then coiled compactly the completed guard and enclosed it in a small box I had
bought for its brilliancy made of some tropic shell of the colour called
nacarat and decked with a little coronal of sparkling blue stones Within the
lid of the box I carefully graved with my scissors point certain initials
The reader will perhaps remember the description of Madame Becks fête nor
will he have forgotten that at each anniversary a handsome present was
subscribed for and offered by the school The observance of this day was a
distinction accorded to none but Madame and in a modified form to her kinsman
and counsellor M Emanuel In the latter case it was an honour spontaneously
awarded not plotted and contrived beforehand and offered an additional proof
amongst many others of the estimation in which despite his partialities
prejudices and irritabilities the professor of literature was held by his
pupils No article of value was offered to him he distinctly gave it to be
understood that he would accept neither plate nor jewellery Yet he liked a
slight tribute the cost the moneyvalue did not touch him a diamond ring a
gold snuffbox presented with pomp would have pleased him less than a flower
or a drawing offered simply and with sincere feelings Such was his nature He
was a man not wise in his generation yet could he claim a filial sympathy with
»the dayspring on high«
M Pauls fête fell on the first of March and a Thursday It proved a fine
sunny day and being likewise the morning on which it was customary to attend
mass being also otherwise distinguished by the half holiday which permitted the
privilege of walking out shopping or paying visits in the afternoon these
combined considerations induced a general smartness and freshness of dress
Clean collars were in vogue the ordinary dingy woollen classedress was
exchanged for something lighter and clearer Mademoiselle Zélie St Pierre on
this particular Thursday even assumed a »robe de soie« deemed in economical
Labassecour an article of hazardous splendour and luxury nay it was remarked
that she sent for a coiffeur to dress her hair that morning there were pupils
acute enough to discover that she had bedewed her handkerchief and her hands
with a new and fashionable perfume Poor Zélie It was much her wont to declare
about this time that she was tired to death of a life of seclusion and labour
that she longed to have the means and leisure for relaxation to have some one
to work for her a husband who would pay her debts she was wofully encumbered
with debt supply her wardrobe and leave her at liberty as she said to
»goûter un peu les plaisirs« It had long been rumoured that her eye was upon
M Emanuel Monsieur Emanuels eye was certainly often upon her He would sit
and watch her perseveringly for minutes together I have seen him give her a
quarter of an hours gaze while the class was silently composing and he sat
throned on his estrade unoccupied Conscious always of this basilisk attention
she would writhe under it half halfpuzzled and Monsieur would follow her
sensations sometimes looking appallingly acute for in some cases he had the
terrible unerring penetration of instinct and pierced in its hidingplace the
last lurking thought of the heart and discerned under florid veilings the bare
barren places of the spirit yes and its perverted tendencies and its hidden
false curves all that men and women would not have known the twisted spine
the malformed limb that was born with them and far worse the stain or
disfigurement they have perhaps brought on themselves No calamity so accursed
but M Emanuel could pity and forgive if it were acknowledged candidly but
where his questioning eyes met dishonest denial where his ruthless researches
found deceitful concealment oh then he could be cruel and I thought wicked
he could exultantly snatch the screen from poor shrinking wretches passionately
hurry them to the summit of the mount of exposure and there show them all
naked all false poor living lies the spawn of that horrid Truth which
cannot be looked on unveiled He thought he did justice for my part I doubt
whether man has a right to do such justice on man more than once in these his
visitations I have felt compelled to give tears to his victims and not spared
ire and keen reproach to himself He deserved it but it was difficult to shake
him in his firm conviction that the work was righteous and needed
Breakfast being over and mass attended the schoolbell rung and the rooms
filled a very pretty spectacle was presented in classe Pupils and teachers sat
neatly arrayed orderly and expectant each bearing in her hand the bouquet of
felicitation the prettiest springflowers all fresh and filling the air with
their fragrance I only had no bouquet I like to see flowers growing but when
they are gathered they cease to please I look on them as things rootless and
perishable their likeness to life makes me sad I never offer flowers to those
I love I never wish to receive them from hands dear to me Mademoiselle St
Pierre marked my empty hands she could not believe I had been so remiss with
avidity her eye roved over and round me surely I must have some solitary
symbolic flower somewhere some small knot of violets something to win to
myself praise for taste commendation for ingenuity The unimaginative Anglaise
proved better than the Parisiennes fears she sat literally unprovided as bare
of bloom or leaf as the winter tree This ascertained Zélie smiled well
pleased
»How wisely you have acted to keep your money Miss Lucie« she said »silly
I have gone and thrown away two francs on a bouquet of hothouse flowers«
And she showed with pride her splendid nosegay
But hush a step the step It came prompt as usual but with a
promptitude we felt disposed to flatter ourselves inspired by other feelings
than mere excitability of nerve and vehemence of intent We thought our
professors footfall to speak romantically had in it a friendly promise this
morning and so it had
He entered in a mood which made him as good as a new sunbeam to the already
welllit firstclasse The morning light playing amongst our plants and
laughing on our walls caught an added lustre from M Pauls allbenignant
salute Like a true Frenchman though I dont know why I should say so for he
was of strain neither French nor Labassecourien he had dressed for the
situation and the occasion Not by the vague folds sinister and
conspiratorlike of his sootdark paletot were the outlines of his person
obscured on the contrary his figure such as it was I dont boast of it was
well set off by a civilized coat and a silken vest quite pretty to behold The
defiant and pagan bonnetgrec had vanished bareheaded he came upon us
carrying a Christian hat in his gloved hand The little man looked well very
well there was a clearness of amity in his blue eye and a glow of good feeling
on his dark complexion which passed perfectly in the place of beauty one
really did not care to observe that his nose though far from small was of no
particular shape his cheek thin his brow marked and square his mouth no
rosebud one accepted him as he was and felt his presence the reverse of
damping or insignificant
He passed to his desk he placed on the same his hat and gloves »Bon jour
mes amies« said he in a tone that somehow made amends to some amongst us for
many a sharp snap and savage snarl not a jocund goodfellow tone still less
an unctuous priestly accent but a voice he had belonging to himself a voice
used when his heart passed the word to his lips That same heart did speak
sometimes though an irritable it was not an ossified organ in its core was a
place tender beyond a mans tenderness a place that humbled him to little
children that bound him to girls and women to whom rebel as he would he
could not disown his affinity nor quite deny that on the whole he was better
with them than with his own sex
»We all wish Monsieur a goodday and present to him our congratulations on
the anniversary of his fête« said Mademoiselle Zélie constituting herself
spokeswoman of the assembly and advancing with no more twists of affectation
than with her were indispensable to the achievement of motion, she laid her
costly bouquet before him He bowed over it
The long train of offerings followed all the pupils sweeping past with the
gliding step foreigners practise left their tributes as they went by Each girl
so dexterously adjusted her separate gift that when the last bouquet was laid
on the desk it formed the apex to a blooming pyramid a pyramid blooming
spreading and towering with such exuberance as in the end to eclipse the hero
behind it This ceremony over seats were resumed and we sat in dead silence
expectant of a speech
I suppose five minutes might have elapsed and the hush remained unbroken
ten and there was no sound
Many present began doubtless to wonder for what Monsieur waited as well
they might Voiceless and viewless stirless and wordless he kept his station
behind the pile of flowers
At last there issued forth a voice rather deep as if it spoke out of a
hollow
»Estce là tout«
Mademoiselle Zélie looked round
»You have all presented your bouquets« inquired she of the pupils
Yes they had all given their nosegays from the eldest to the youngest from
the tallest to the most diminutive The senior mistress signified as much
»Estce là tout« was reiterated in an intonation which deep before had
now descended some notes lower
»Monsieur« said Mademoiselle St Pierre rising and this time speaking with
her own sweet smile »I have the honour to tell you that with a single
exception every person in classe has offered her bouquet For Meess Lucie
Monsieur will kindly make allowance as a foreigner she probably did not know
our customs or did not appreciate their significance Meess Lucie has regarded
this ceremony as too frivolous to be honoured by her observance«
»Famous« I muttered between my teeth »you are no bad speaker Zélie when
you begin«
The answer vouchsafed to Mademoiselle St Pierre from the estrade was given
in the gesticulation of a hand from behind the pyramid This manual action
seemed to deprecate words to enjoin silence
A form ere long followed the hand Monsieur emerged from his eclipse and
producing himself upon the front of his estrade and gazing straight and fixedly
before him at a vast mappemonde covering the wall opposite he demanded a third
time and now in really tragic tones
»Estce là tout«
I might yet have made all right by stepping forwards and slipping into his
hand the ruddy little shellbox I at that moment held tight in my own It was
what I had fully purposed to do but first the comic side of Monsieurs
behaviour had tempted me to delay and now Mademoiselle St Pierres affected
interference provoked contumacity The reader not having hitherto had any cause
to ascribe to Miss Snowes character the most distant pretension to perfection
will be scarcely surprised to learn that she felt too perverse to defend herself
from any imputation the Parisienne might choose to insinuate and besides M
Paul was so tragic and took my defection so seriously he deserved to be vexed
I kept then both my box and my countenance and sat insensate as any stone
»It is well« dropped at length from the lips of M Paul and having uttered
this phrase the shadow of some great paroxysm the swell of wrath scorn
resolve passed over his brow rippled his lips and lined his cheeks Gulping
down all further comment he launched into his customary discours I cant at
all remember what this discours was I did not listen to it the gulpingdown
process the abrupt dismissal of his mortification or vexation had given me a
sensation which halfcounteracted the ludicrous effect of the reiterated »Estce
là tout«
Towards the close of the speech there came a pleasing diversion my
attention was again amusingly arrested
Owing to some little accidental movement I think I dropped my thimble on
the floor and in stooping to regain it hit the crown of my head against the
sharp corner of my desk which casualties exasperating to me by rights if to
anybody naturally made a slight bustle M Paul became irritated and
dismissing his forced equanimity and casting to the winds that dignity and
selfcontrol with which he never cared long to encumber himself he broke forth
into the strain best calculated to give him ease
I dont know how in the progress of his discours he had contrived to cross
the channel and land on British ground but there I found him when I began to
listen
Casting a quick cynical glance round the room a glance which scathed or
was intended to scathe as it crossed me he fell with fury upon les Anglaises
Never have I heard English women handled as M Paul that morning handled
them he spared nothing neither their minds morals manners nor personal
appearance I specially remember his abuse of their tall stature their long
necks their thin arms their slovenly dress their pedantic education their
impious scepticism their insufferable pride their pretentious virtue over
which he ground his teeth malignantly and looked as if had he dared he would
have said singular things Oh he was spiteful acrid savage and as a natural
consequence detestably ugly
»Little wicked venomous man« thought I »am I going to harass myself with
fears of displeasing you or hurting your feelings No indeed you shall be
indifferent to me as the shabbiest bouquet in your pyramid«
I grieve to say I could not quite carry out this resolution For some time
the abuse of England and the English found and left me stolid I bore it some
fifteen minutes stoically enough but this hissing cockatrice was determined to
sting and he said such things at last fastening not only upon our women but
upon our greatest names and best men sullying the shield of Britannia and
dabbling the unionjack in mud that I was stung With vicious relish he
brought up the most spicy current continental historical falsehoods than which
nothing can be conceived more offensive Zélie and the whole class became one
grin of vindictive delight for it is curious to discover how these clowns of
Labassecour secretly hate England At last I struck a sharp stroke on my desk
opened my lips and let loose this cry
»Vive lAngleterre lHistoire et les Héros A bas la France la Fiction et
les Faquins«
The class was struck of a heap I suppose they thought me mad The professor
put up his handkerchief and fiendishly smiled into its folds Little monster of
malice He now thought he had got the victory since he had made me angry In a
second he became goodhumoured With great blandness he resumed the subject of
his flowers talked poetically and symbolically of their sweetness perfume
purity etcetera made Frenchified comparisons between the jeunes filles and the
sweet blossoms before him paid Mademoiselle St Pierre a very fullblown
compliment on the superiority of her bouquet and ended by announcing that the
first really fine mild and balmy morning in spring he intended to take the
whole class out to breakfast in the country »Such of the class, at least« he
added with emphasis »as he could count amongst the number of his friends«
»Donc je ny serai pas« declared I involuntarily
»Soit« was his response and gathering his flowers in his arms he flashed
out of classe while I consigning my work scissors thimble and the neglected
little box to my desk swept upstairs I dont know whether he felt hot and
angry but I am free to confess that I did
Yet with a strange evanescent anger I had not sat an hour on the edge of my
bed picturing and repicturing his look manner words ere I smiled at the
whole scene A little pang of regret I underwent that the box had not been
offered I had meant to gratify him Fate would not have it so
In the course of the afternoon remembering that desks in classe were by no
means inviolate repositories and thinking that it was as well to secure the
box on account of the initials in the lid PCDE for Paul Carl or Carlos
David Emanuel such was his full name these foreigners must always have a
string of baptismals I descended to the schoolroom
It slept in holiday repose The daypupils were all gone home the boarders
were out walking the teachers except the surveillante of the week were in
town visiting or shopping the suite of divisions was vacant so was the grande
salle with its huge solemn globe hanging in the midst its pair of
manybranched chandeliers and its horizontal grand piano closed silent
enjoying its midweek Sabbath I rather wondered to find the first classe door
ajar this room being usually locked when empty and being then inaccessible to
any save Madame Beck and myself who possessed a duplicate key I wondered still
more on approaching to hear a vague movement as of life a step a chair
stirred a sound like the opening of a desk
»It is only Madame Beck doing inspection duty« was the conclusion following
a moments reflection The partiallyopened door gave opportunity for assurance
on this point I looked Behold not the inspecting garb of Madame Beck the
shawl and the clean cap but the coat and the closeshorn dark head of a man
This person occupied my chair his olive hand held my desk open his nose was
lost to view amongst my papers His back was towards me but there could not be
a moments question about identity Already was the attire of ceremony
discarded the cherished and inkstained paletot was resumed the perverse
bonnetgrec lay on the floor as if just dropped from the hand culpably busy
Now I knew and had long known that that hand of M Emanuels was on
intimate terms with my desk that it raised and lowered the lid ransacked and
arranged the contents almost as familiarly as my own The fact was not dubious
nor did he wish it to be so he left signs of each visit palpable and
unmistakeable hitherto however I had never caught him in the act watch as I
would I could not detect the hours and moments of his coming I saw the
brownies work in exercises left overnight full of faults and found next
morning carefully corrected I profited by his capricious goodwill in loans full
welcome and refreshing Between a sallow dictionary and wornout grammar would
magically grow a fresh interesting new work or a classic mellow and sweet in
its ripe age Out of my workbasket would laughingly peep a romance under it
would lurk the pamphlet the magazine whence last evenings reading had been
extracted Impossible to doubt the source whence these treasures flowed had
there been no other indication one condemning and traitor peculiarity common to
them all settled the question they smelt of cigars This was very shocking
of course I thought so at first and used to open the window with some bustle
to air my desk and with fastidious finger and thumb to hold the peccant
brochures forth to the purifying breeze I was cured of that formality suddenly
Monsieur caught me at it one day understood the inference instantly relieved
my hand of its burden and in another moment would have thrust the same into
the glowing stove It chanced to be a book on the perusal of which I was bent
so for once I proved as decided and quicker than himself recaptured the spoil
and having saved this volume never hazarded a second With all this I had
never yet been able to arrest in his visits the freakish friendly cigarloving
phantom
But now at last I had him there he was the very brownie himself and
there curling from his lips was the pale blue breath of his Indian darling he
was smoking into my desk it might well betray him Provoked at this particular
and yet pleased to surprise him pleased that is with the mixed feeling of
the housewife who discovers at last her strange elfin ally busy in the dairy at
the untimely churn I softly stole forward stood behind him bent with
precaution over his shoulder
My heart smote me to see that after this mornings hostility after my
seeming remissness after the puncture experienced by his feelings and the
ruffling undergone by his temper he allwilling to forget and forgive had
brought me a couple of handsome volumes of which the title and authorship were
guarantees for interest Now as he sat bending above the desk he was stirring
up its contents but with gentle and careful hand disarranging indeed but not
harming My heart smote me as I bent over him as he sat unconscious doing me
what good he could and I daresay not feeling towards me unkindly my mornings
anger quite melted I did not dislike Professor Emanuel
I think he heard me breathe He turned suddenly his temperament was
nervous yet he never started and seldom changed colour there was something
hardy about him
»I thought you were gone into town with the other teachers« said he taking
a grim gripe of his selfpossession which half escaped him »It is as well you
are not Do you think I care for being caught Not I I often visit your desk«
»Monsieur I know it«
»You find a brochure or a tome now and then but you dont read them
because they have passed under this« touching his cigar
»They have and are no better for the process, but I read them«
»Without pleasure«
»Monsieur must not be contradicted«
»Do you like them or any of them are they acceptable«
»Monsieur has seen me reading them a hundred times and knows I have not so
many recreations as to undervalue those he provides«
»I mean well and if you see that I mean well and derive some little
amusement from my efforts why can we not be friends«
»A fatalist would say because we cannot«
»This morning« he continued »I awoke in a bright mood and came into
classe happy you spoiled my day«
»No Monsieur only an hour or two of it and that unintentionally«
»Unintentionally No It was my fêteday everybody wished me happiness but
you The little children of the third division gave each her knot of violets
lisped each her congratulation you nothing Not a bud leaf whisper not a
glance Was this unintentional«
»I meant no harm«
»Then you really did not know our custom You were unprepared You would
willingly have laid out a few centimes on a flower to give me pleasure had you
been aware that it was expected Say so and all is forgotten and the pain
soothed«
»I did know that it was expected I was prepared yet I laid out no centimes
on flowers«
»It is well you do right to be honest I should almost have hated you had
you flattered and lied Better declare at once Paul Carl Emanuel je te
déteste mon garçon than smile an interest look an affection and be false
and cold at heart False and cold I dont think you are but you have made a
great mistake in life that I believe I think your judgment is warped that
you are indifferent where you ought to be grateful and perhaps devoted and
infatuated where you ought to be cool as your name Dont suppose that I wish
you to have a passion for me Mademoiselle Dieu vous en garde What do you
start for Because I said passion Well I say it again There is such a word
and there is such a thing though not within these walls thank Heaven You are
no child that one should not speak of what exists but I only uttered the word
the thing I assure you is alien to my whole life and views It died in the
past in the present it lies buried its grave is deepdug wellheaped and
many winters old in the future there will be a resurrection as I believe to my
souls consolation but all will then be changed form and feeling the mortal
will have put on immortality it will rise not for earth but heaven All I
say to you Miss Lucy Snowe is that you ought to treat Professor Paul Emanuel
decently«
I could not and did not contradict such a sentiment
»Tell me« he pursued »when it is your fêteday and I will not grudge a
few centimes for a small offering«
»You will be like me monsieur this cost more than a few centimes and I
did not grudge its price«
And taking from the open desk the little box I put it into his hand
»It lay ready in my lap this morning« I continued »and if Monsieur had
been rather more patient and Mademoiselle St Pierre less interfering perhaps
I should say too if I had been calmer and wiser I should have given it
then«
He looked at the box I saw its clear warm tint and bright azure circlet
pleased his eye I told him to open it
»My initials« said he indicating the letters in the lid »Who told you I
was called Carl David«
»A little bird monsieur«
»Does it fly from me to you Then one can tie a message under its wing when
needful«
He took out the chain a trifle indeed as to value but glossy with silk
and sparkling with beads He liked that too admired it artlessly like a
child
»For me«
»Yes for you«
»This is the thing you were working at last night«
»The same«
»You finished it this morning«
»I did«
»You commenced it with the intention that it should be mine«
»Undoubtedly«
»And offered on my fêteday«
»Yes«
»This purpose continued as you wove it«
Again I assented
»Then it is not necessary that I should cut out any portion saying this
part is not mine it was plaited under the idea and for the adornment of
another«
»By no means It is neither necessary nor would it be just«
»This object is all mine«
»That object is yours entirely«
Straightway Monsieur opened his paletot arranged the guard splendidly
across his chest displaying as much and suppressing as little as he could for
he had no notion of concealing what he admired and thought decorative As to the
box he pronounced it a superb bonbonnière he was fond of bonbons by the way
and as he always liked to share with others what pleased himself he would
give his dragées as freely as he lent his books Amongst the kind brownies
gifts left in my desk I forgot to enumerate many a paper of chocolate comfits
His tastes in these matters were southern and what we think infantine His
simple lunch consisted frequently of a brioche which as often as not he
shared with some child of the third division
»A présent cest un fait accompli« said he readjusting his paletot and we
had no more words on the subject After looking over the two volumes he had
brought and cutting away some pages with his penknife he generally pruned
before lending his books especially if they were novels and sometimes I was a
little provoked at the severity of his censorship the retrenchments
interrupting the narrative he rose politely touched his bonnetgrec and bade
me a civil good day
»We are friends now« thought I »till the next time we quarrel«
We might have quarrelled again that very same evening but wonderful to
relate failed for once to make the most of our opportunity
Contrary to all expectation M Paul arrived at the studyhour Having seen
so much of him in the morning we did not look for his presence at night No
sooner were we seated at lessons however than he appeared I own I was glad to
see him so glad that I could not help greeting his arrival with a smile and
when he made his way to the same seat about which so serious a misunderstanding
had formerly arisen I took good care not to make too much room for him he
watched with a jealous sidelong look to see whether I shrank away but I did
not though the bench was a little crowded I was losing the early impulse to
recoil from M Paul Habituated to the paletot and bonnetgrec the
neighbourhood of these garments seemed no longer uncomfortable or very
formidable I did not now sit restrained asphyxiée as he used to say at his
side I stirred when I wished to stir coughed when it was necessary even
yawned when I was tired did in short what I pleased blindly reliant upon
his indulgence Nor did my temerity this evening at least meet the punishment
it perhaps merited he was both indulgent and goodnatured not a cross glance
shot from his eyes not a hasty word left his lips Till the very close of the
evening he did not indeed address me at all yet I felt somehow that he was
full of friendliness Silence is of different kinds and breathes different
meanings no words could inspire a pleasanter content than did M Pauls
wordless presence When the tray came in and the bustle of supper commenced he
just said as he retired that he wished me a good night and sweet dreams and a
good night and sweet dreams I had
Chapter XXX
M Paul
Yet the reader is advised not to be in any hurry with his kindly conclusions or
to suppose with an overhasty charity that from that day M Paul became a
changed character easy to live with and no longer apt to flash danger and
discomfort round him
No he was naturally a little man of unreasonable moods When overwrought
which he often was he became acutely irritable and besides his veins were
dark with a livid belladonna tincture the essence of jealousy I do not mean
merely the tender jealousy of the heart but that sterner narrower sentiment
whose seat is in the head
I used to think as I sat looking at M Paul while he was knitting his brow
or protruding his lip over some exercise of mine which had not as many faults
as he wished for he liked me to commit faults a knot of blunders was sweet to
him as a cluster of nuts that he had points of resemblance to Napoleon
Bonaparte I think so still
In a shameless disregard of magnanimity he resembled the great Emperor M
Paul would have quarrelled with twenty learned women would have unblushingly
carried on a system of petty bickering and recrimination with a whole capital of
coteries never troubling himself about loss or lack of dignity He would have
exiled fifty Madame de Staels if they had annoyed offended outrivalled or
opposed him
I well remember a hot episode of his with a certain Madame Panache a lady
temporarily employed by Madame Beck to give lessons in history She was clever
that is she knew a good deal and besides thoroughly possessed the art of
making the most of what she knew of words and confidence she held unlimited
command Her personal appearance was far from destitute of advantages I believe
many people would have pronounced her »a fine woman« and yet there were points
in her robust and ample attractions as well as in her bustling and
demonstrative presence which it appeared the nice and capricious tastes of M
Paul could not away with The sound of her voice echoing through the carré
would put him into a strange taking her long free step almost stride along
the corridor would often make him snatch up his papers and decamp on the
instant
With malicious intent he bethought himself one day to intrude on her
class as quick as lightning he gathered her method of instruction it differed
from a pet plan of his own With little ceremony and less courtesy he pointed
out what he termed her errors Whether he expected submission and attention I
know not he met an acrid opposition accompanied by a round reprimand for his
certainly unjustifiable interference
Instead of withdrawing with dignity as he might still have done he threw
down the gauntlet of defiance Madame Panache bellicose as a Penthesilea
picked it up in a minute She snapped her fingers in the intermeddlers face
she rushed upon him with a storm of words M Emanuel was eloquent but Madame
Panache was voluble A system of fierce antagonism ensued Instead of laughing
in his sleeve at his fair foe with all her sore amour propre and loud
selfassertion M Paul detested her with intense seriousness he honoured her
with his earnest fury he pursued her vindictively and implacably refusing to
rest peaceably in his bed to derive due benefit from his meals or even
serenely to relish his cigar till she was fairly rooted out of the
establishment The professor conquered but I cannot say that the laurels of
this victory shadowed gracefully his temples Once I ventured to hint as much
To my great surprise he allowed that I might be right but averred that when
brought into contact with either men or women of the coarse selfcomplacent
quality whereof Madame Panache was a specimen he had no control over his own
passions an unspeakable and active aversion impelled him to a war of
extermination
Three months afterwards hearing that his vanquished foe had met with
reverses and was likely to be really distressed for want of employment he
forgot his hatred and alike active in good and evil he moved heaven and earth
till he found her a place Upon her coming to make up former differences and
thank him for his recent kindness the old voice a little loud the old
manner a little forward so acted upon him that in ten minutes he started up
and bowed her or rather himself out of the room in a transport of nervous
irritation
To pursue a somewhat audacious parallel in a love of of power in an eager
grasp after supremacy M Emanuel was like Bonaparte He was a man not always to
be submitted to Sometimes it was needful to resist it was right to stand
still to look up into his eyes and tell him that his requirements went beyond
reason that his absolutism verged on tyranny
The dawnings the first developments of peculiar talent appearing within his
range and under his rule curiously excited even disturbed him He watched its
struggle into life with a scowl he held back his hand perhaps said »Come on
if you have strength« but would not aid the birth
When the pang and peril of the first conflict were over when the breath of
life was drawn when he saw the lungs expand and contract when he felt the
heart beat and discovered life in the eye he did not yet offer to foster
»Prove yourself true ere I cherish you« was his ordinance and how
difficult he made that proof What thorns and briars what flints he strewed in
the path of feet not inured to rough travel He watched tearlessly ordeals
that he exacted should be passed through fearlessly He followed footprints
that as they approached the bourne were sometimes marked in blood followed
them grimly holding the austerest policewatch over the painpressed pilgrim
And when at last he allowed a rest before slumber might close the eyelids he
opened those same lids wide with pitiless finger and thumb and gazed deep
through the pupil and the irids into the brain into the heart to search if
Vanity or Pride or Falsehood in any of its subtlest forms was discoverable
in the furthest recess of existence If at last he let the neophyte sleep it
was but a moment he woke him suddenly up to apply new tests he sent him on
irksome errands when he was staggering with weariness he tried the temper the
sense and the health and it was only when every severest test had been applied
and endured when the most corrosive aquafortis had been used and failed to
tarnish the ore that he admitted it genuine and still in clouded silence
stamped it with his deep brand of approval
I speak not ignorant of these evils
Till the date at which the last chapter closes M Paul had not been my
professor he had not given me lessons but about that time accidentally
hearing me one day acknowledge an ignorance of some branch of education I think
it was arithmetic which would have disgraced a charityschoolboy as he very
truly remarked he took me in hand examined me first found me I need not say
abundantly deficient gave me some books and appointed me some tasks
He did this at first with pleasure indeed with unconcealed exultation
condescending to say that he believed I was »bonne et pas trop faible« ie
well enough disposed and not wholly destitute of parts) but owing he supposed
to adverse circumstances »as yet in a state of wretchedly imperfect mental
development«
The beginning of all efforts has indeed with me been marked by a
preternatural imbecility I never could even in forming a common acquaintance
assert or prove a claim to average quickness A depressing and difficult passage
has prefaced every new page I have turned in life
So long as this passage lasted M Paul was very kind very good very
forbearing he saw the sharp pain inflicted and felt the weighty humiliation
imposed by my own sense of incapacity and words can hardly do justice to his
tenderness and helpfulness His own eyes would moisten when tears of shame and
effort clouded mine burdened as he was with work he would steal half his brief
space of recreation to give to me
But strange grief when that heavy and overcast dawn began at last to yield
to day when my faculties began to struggle themselves free and my time of
energy and fulfilment came when I voluntarily doubled trebled quadrupled the
tasks he set to please him as I thought his kindness became sternness the
light changed in his eyes from a beam to a spark he fretted he opposed he
curbed me imperiously the more I did the harder I worked the less he seemed
content Sarcasms of which the severity amazed and puzzled me harassed my ears
then flowed out the bitterest inuendoes against the »pride of intellect« I was
vaguely threatened with I know not what doom if I ever trespassed the limits
proper to my sex and conceived a contraband appetite for unfeminine knowledge
Alas I had no such appetite What I loved it joyed me by any effort to
content but the noble hunger for science in the abstract the godlike thirst
after discovery these feelings were known to me but by briefest flashes
Yet when M Paul sneered at me I wanted to possess them more fully his
injustice stirred in me ambitious wishes it imparted a strong stimulus it
gave wings to aspiration
In the beginning before I had penetrated to motives that uncomprehended
sneer of his made my heart ache but byandby it only warmed the blood in my
veins and sent added action to my pulses Whatever my powers feminine or the
contrary God had given them and I felt resolute to be ashamed of no faculty
of His bestowal
The combat was very sharp for a time I seemed to have lost M Pauls
affection he treated me strangely In his most unjust moments he would
insinuate that I had deceived him when I appeared what he called faible that
is incompetent he said I had feigned a false incapacity Again he would turn
suddenly round and accuse me of the most farfetched imitations and impossible
plagiarisms asserting that I had extracted the pith out of books I had not so
much as heard of and over the perusal of which I should infallibly have fallen
down in a sleep as deep as that of Eutychus
Once upon his preferring such an accusation I turned upon him I rose
against him Gathering an armful of his books out of my desk I filled my apron
and poured them in a heap upon his estrade at his feet
»Take them away M Paul« I said »and teach me no more I never asked to
be made learned and you compel me to feel very profoundly that learning is not
happiness«
And returning to my desk I laid my head on my arms nor would I speak to
him for two days afterwards He pained and chagrined me His affection had been
very sweet and dear a pleasure new and incomparable now that this seemed
withdrawn I cared not for his lessons
The books however were not taken away they were all restored with careful
hand to their places and he came as usual to teach me He made his peace
somehow too readily perhaps I ought to have stood out longer but when he
looked kind and good and held out his hand with amity memory refused to
reproduce with due force his oppressive moments And then reconcilement is
always sweet
On a certain morning a message came from my godmother inviting me to attend
some notable lecture to be delivered in the same public rooms before described
Dr John had brought the message himself and delivered it verbally to Rosine
who had not scrupled to follow the steps of M Emanuel then passing to the
first classe and in his presence stand carrément before my desk hand in
apronpocket and rehearse the same saucily and aloud concluding with the
words
»Quil est vraiment beau mademoiselle ce jeune docteur Quels yeux quel
regard Tenez Jen ai le coeur tout ému«
When she was gone my professor demanded of me why I suffered »cette fille
effrontée cette créature sans pudeur« to address me in such terms
I had no pacifying answer to give The terms were precisely such as Rosine
a young lady in whose skull the organs of reverence and reserve were not largely
developed was in the constant habit of using Besides what she said about the
young doctor was true enough Graham was handsome he had fine eyes and a
thrilling glance An observation to that effect actually formed itself into
sound on my lips
»Elle ne dit que la vérité« I said
»Ah vous trouvez«
»Mais sans doute«
The lesson to which we had that day to submit was such as to make us very
glad when it terminated At its close the released pupils rushed out
halftrembling halfexultant I too was going A mandate to remain arrested
me I muttered that I wanted some fresh air sadly the stove was in a glow the
classe overheated An inexorable voice merely recommended silence and this
salamander for whom no room ever seemed too hot sitting down between my desk
and the stove a situation in which he ought to have felt broiled but did not
proceeded to confront me with a Greek quotation
In M Emanuels soul rankled a chronic suspicion that I knew both Greek and
Latin As monkies are said to have the power of speech if they would but use it
and are reported to conceal this faculty in fear of its being turned to their
detriment so to me was ascribed a fund of knowledge which I was supposed
criminally and craftily to conceal The privileges of a classical education it
was insinuated had been mine on flowers of Hymettus I had revelled a golden
store hived in memory now silently sustained my efforts and privily nurtured
my wits
A hundred expedients did M Paul employ to surprise my secret to wheedle
to threaten to startle it out of me Sometimes he placed Greek and Latin books
in my way and then watched me as Joan of Arcs jailors tempted her with the
warriors accoutrements and lay in wait for the issue Again he quoted I know
not what authors and passages and while rolling out their sweet and sounding
lines the classic tones fell very musically from his lips for he had a good
voice remarkable for compass modulation and matchless expression he would
fix on me a vigilant piercing and often malicious eye It was evident he
sometimes expected great demonstrations they never occurred however not
comprehending of course I could neither be charmed nor annoyed
Baffled almost angry he still clung to his fixed idea my
susceptibilities were pronounced marble my face a mask It appeared as if he
could not be brought to accept the homely truth and take me for what I was
men and women too must have delusion of some sort if not made ready to their
hand they will invent exaggeration for themselves
At moments I did wish that his suspicions had been better founded There
were times when I would have given my right hand to possess the treasures he
ascribed to me He deserved condign punishment for his testy crotchets I could
have gloried in bringing home to him his worst apprehensions astoundingly
realized I could have exulted to burst on his vision confront and confound his
lunettes one blaze of acquirements Oh why did nobody undertake to make me
clever while I was young enough to learn that I might by one grand sudden
inhuman revelation one cold cruel overwhelming triumph have for ever
crushed the mocking spirit out of Paul Carl David Emanuel
Alas no such feat was in my power Today as usual his quotations fell
ineffectual he soon shifted his ground
»Women of intellect« was his next theme here he was at home A »woman of
intellect« it appeared was a sort of »lusus naturæ« a luckless accident a
thing for which there was neither place nor use in creation wanted neither as
wife nor worker Beauty anticipated her in the first office He believed in his
soul that lovely placid and passive feminine mediocrity was the only pillow on
which manly thought and sense could find rest for its aching temples and as to
work male mind alone could work to any good practical result hein
This »hein« was a note of interrogation intended to draw from me
contradiction or objection However I only said
»Cela ne me regarde pas je ne men soucie pas« and presently added »May
I go monsieur They have rung the bell for the second déjeuner« ie
luncheon
»What of that You are not hungry«
»Indeed I was« I said »I had had nothing since breakfast at seven and
should have nothing till dinner at five if I missed this bell«
»Well he was in the same plight but I might share with him«
And he broke in two the brioche intended for his own refreshment and gave
me half Truly his bark was worse than his bite but the really formidable
attack was yet to come While eating his cake I could not forbear expressing my
secret wish that I really knew all of which he accused me
»Did I sincerely feel myself to be an ignoramus« he asked in a softened
tone
If I had replied meekly by an unqualified affirmative I believe he would
have stretched out his hand and we should have been friends on the spot but I
answered
»Not exactly I am ignorant monsieur in the knowledge you ascribe to me
but I sometimes not always feel a knowledge of my own«
»What did I mean« he inquired sharply
Unable to answer this question in a breath I evaded it by change of
subject He had now finished his half of the brioche feeling sure that on so
trifling a fragment he could not have satisfied his appetite as indeed I had
not appeased mine and inhaling the fragrance of baked apples afar from the
refectory I ventured to inquire whether he did not also perceive that agreeable
odour He confessed that he did I said if he would let me out by the
gardendoor and permit me just to run across the court I would fetch him a
plateful and added that I believed they were excellent as Goton had a very
good method of baking or rather stewing fruit putting in a little spice
sugar and a glass or two of vin blanc might I go
»Petite gourmande« said he smiling »I have not forgotten how pleased you
were with the pâté à la crême I once gave you and you know very well at this
moment that to fetch the apples for me will be the same as getting them for
yourself Go then but come back quickly«
And at last he liberated me on parole My own plan was to go and return with
speed and good faith to put the plate in at the door and then to vanish
incontinent leaving all consequences for future settlement
That intolerably keen instinct of his seemed to have anticipated my scheme
he met me at the threshold hurried me into the room and fixed me in a minute
in my former seat Taking the plate of fruit from my hand he divided the
portion intended only for himself and ordered me to eat my share I complied
with no good grace and vexed I suppose by my reluctance he opened a masked
and dangerous battery All he had yet said I could count as mere sound and
fury signifying nothing not so of the present attack
It consisted in an unreasonable proposition with which he had before
afflicted me namely that on the next public examinationday I should engage
foreigner as I was to take my place on the first form of firstclass pupils
and with them improvise a composition in French on any subject any spectator
might dictate without benefit of grammar or lexicon
I knew what the result of such an experiment would be I to whom nature had
denied the impromptu faculty who in public was by nature a cypher whose time
of mental activity even when alone was not under the meridian sun who needed
the fresh silence of morning or the recluse peace of evening to win from the
Creative Impulse one evidence of his presence one proof of his force I with
whom that Impulse was the most intractable the most capricious the most
maddening of masters him before me always excepted a deity which sometimes
under circumstances apparently propitious would not speak when questioned
would not hear when appealed to would not when sought be found but would
stand all cold all indurated all granite a dark Baal with carven lips and
blank eyeballs and breast like the stone face of a tomb and again suddenly
at some turn some sound some longtrembling sob of the wind at some rushing
past of an unseen stream of electricity the irrational demon would wake
unsolicited would stir strangely alive would rush from its pedestal like a
perturbed Dagon calling to its votary for a sacrifice whatever the hour to
its victim for some blood or some breath whatever the circumstance or scene
rousing its priest treacherously promising vaticination perhaps filling its
temple with a strange hum of oracles but sure to give half the significance to
fateful winds and grudging to the desperate listener even a miserable remnant
yielding it sordidly as though each word had been a drop of the deathless ichor
of its own dark veins And this tyrant I was to compel into bondage and make it
improvise a theme on a school estrade between a Mathilde and a Coralie under
the eye of a Madame Beck for the pleasure and to the inspiration of a bourgeois
of Labassecour
Upon this argument M Paul and I did battle more than once strong battle
with confused noise of demand and rejection exaction and repulse
On this particular day I was soundly rated »The obstinacy of my whole sex«
it seems was concentrated in me I had an »orgueil de diable« I feared to
fail forsooth What did it matter whether I failed or not Who was I that I
should not fail like my betters It would do me good to fail He wanted to see
me worsted I knew he did and one minute he paused to take breath
»Would I speak now and be tractable«
»Never would I be tractable in this matter Law itself should not compel me
I would pay a fine or undergo an imprisonment rather than write for a show and
to order perched up on a platform«
»Could softer motives influence me Would I yield for friendships sake«
»Not a whit not a hairbreadth No form of friendship under the sun had a
right to exact such a concession No true friendship would harass me thus«
He supposed then with a sneer M Paul could sneer supremely curling his
lip opening his nostrils contracting his eyelids he supposed there was but
one form of appeal to which I would listen and of that form it was not for him
to make use
»Under certain persuasions from certain quarters je vous vois dici« said
he »eagerly subscribing to the sacrifice passionately arming for the effort«
»Making a simpleton a warning and an example of myself before a hundred
and fifty of the papas and mamans of Villette«
And here losing patience I broke out afresh with a cry that I wanted to be
liberated to get out to the air I was almost in a fever
»Chut« said the inexorable »this was a mere pretext to run away he was
not hot with the stove close at his back how could I suffer thoroughly
screened by his person«
»I did not understand his constitution I knew nothing of the natural
history of salamanders For my own part I was a phlegmatic islander and
sitting in an oven did not agree with me at least might I step to the well
and get a glass of water the sweet apples had made me thirsty«
»If that was all he would do my errand«
He went to fetch the water Of course with a door only on the latch behind
me I lost not my opportunity Ere his return his halfworried prey had
escaped
Chapter XXXI
The Dryad
The spring was advancing and the weather had turned suddenly warm This change
of temperature brought with it for me as probably for many others temporary
decrease of strength Slight exertion at this time left me overcome with fatigue
sleepless nights entailed languid days
One Sunday afternoon having walked the distance of half a league to the
Protestant church I came back weary and exhausted and taking refuge in my
solitary sanctuary the first classe I was glad to sit down and to make of my
desk a pillow for my arms and head
Awhile I listened to the lullaby of bees humming in the berceau and
watched through the glass door and the tender lightlystrewn spring foliage
Madame Beck and a gay party of friends whom she had entertained that day at
dinner after morningmass walking in the centrealley under orchard boughs
dressed at this season in blossom and wearing a colouring as pure and warm as
mountainsnow at sunrise
My principal attraction towards this group of guests lay I remember in one
figure that of a handsome young girl whom I had seen before as a visitor at
Madame Becks and of whom I had been vaguely told that she was a filleule or
goddaughter of M Emanuels and that between her mother or aunt or some
other female relation of hers and the professor had existed of old a special
friendship M Paul was not of the holiday band today but I had seen this
young girl with him ere now and as far as distant observation could enable me
to judge she seemed to enjoy with him the frank ease of a ward with an
indulgent guardian I had seen her run up to him put her arm through his and
hang upon him Once when she did so a curious sensation had struck through me
a disagreeable anticipatory sensation one of the family of presentiments I
suppose but I refused to analyze or dwell upon it While watching this girl
Mademoiselle Sauveur by name and following the gleam of her bright silk robe
she was always richly dressed for she was said to be wealthy through the
flowers and the glancing leaves of tender emerald my eyes became dazzled they
closed my lassitude the warmth of the day the hum of bees and birds all
lulled me and at last I slept
Two hours stole over me Ere I woke the sun had declined out of sight
behind the towering houses the garden and the room were gray bees had gone
homeward and the flowers were closing the party of guests too had vanished
each alley was void
On waking I felt much at ease not chill as I ought to have been after
sitting so still for at least two hours my cheek and arms were not benumbed by
pressure against the hard desk No wonder Instead of the bare wood on which I
had laid them I found a thick shawl carefully folded substituted for support
and another shawl both taken from the corridor where such things hung wrapped
warmly round me
Who had done this Who was my friend Which of the teachers Which of the
pupils None except St Pierre was inimical to me but which of them had the
art the thought the habit of benefiting thus tenderly Which of them had a
step so quiet a hand so gentle but I should have heard or felt her if she had
approached or touched me in a daysleep
As to Ginevra Fanshawe that bright young creature was not gentle at all
and would certainly have pulled me out of my chair if she had meddled in the
matter I said at last »It is Madame Becks doing she has come in seen me
asleep and thought I might take cold She considers me a useful machine
answering well the purpose for which it was hired so would not have me
needlessly injured And now« methought »Ill take a walk the evening is
fresh and not very chill«
So I opened the glass door and stepped into the berceau
I went to my own alley had it been dark or even dusk I should hardly have
ventured there for I had not yet forgotten the curious illusion of vision if
illusion it were experienced in that place some months ago But a ray of the
setting sun burnished still the gray crown of Jean Baptiste nor had all the
birds of the garden yet vanished into their nests amongst the tufted shrubs and
thick wallivy I paced up and down thinking almost the same thoughts I had
pondered that night when I buried my glass jar how I should make some advance
in life take another step towards an independent position for this train of
reflection though not lately pursued had never by me been wholly abandoned
and whenever a certain eye was averted from me and a certain countenance grew
dark with unkindness and injustice into that track of speculation did I at once
strike so that little by little I had laid half a plan
»Living costs little« said I to myself »in this economical town of
Villette where people are more sensible than I understand they are in dear old
England infinitely less worried about appearance and less emulous of display
where nobody is in the least ashamed to be quite as homely and saving as he
finds convenient Houserent in a prudently chosen situation need not be high
When I shall have saved one thousand francs I will take a tenement with one
large room and two or three smaller ones furnish the first with a few benches
and desks a black tableau an estrade for myself upon it a chair and table
with a sponge and some white chalks begin with taking daypupils and so work
my way upwards Madame Becks commencement was as I have often heard her say
from no higher startingpoint and where is she now All these premises and this
garden are hers bought with her money she has a competency already secured for
old age and a flourishing establishment under her direction which will furnish
a career for her children
Courage Lucy Snowe With selfdenial and economy now and steady exertion
byandby an object in life need not fail you Venture not to complain that
such an object is too selfish too limited and lacks interest be content to
labour for independence until you have proved by winning that prize your right
to look higher But afterwards is there nothing more for me in life no true
home nothing to be dearer to me than myself and by its paramount
preciousness to draw from me better things than I care to culture for myself
only Nothing at whose feet I can willingly lay down the whole burden of human
egotism and gloriously take up the nobler charge of labouring and living for
others I suppose Lucy Snowe the orb of your life is not to be so rounded for
you the crescentphase must suffice Very good I see a huge mass of my
fellowcreatures in no better circumstances I see that a great many men and
more women hold their span of life on conditions of denial and privation I
find no reason why I should be of the few favoured I believe in some blending
of hope and sunshine sweetening the worst lots I believe that this life is not
all neither the beginning nor the end I believe while I tremble I trust while
I weep«
So this subject is done with It is right to look our lifeaccounts bravely
in the face now and then and settle them honestly And he is a poor
selfswindler who lies to himself while he reckons the items and sets down
under the head happiness that which is misery Call anguish anguish and
despair despair write both down in strong characters with a resolute pen you
will the better pay your debt to Doom Falsify insert privilege where you
should have written pain and see if your mighty creditor will allow the fraud
to pass or accept the coin with which you would cheat him Offer to the
strongest if the darkest angel of Gods host water when he has asked blood
will he take it Not a whole pale sea for one red drop I settled another
account
Pausing before Methusaleh the giant and patriarch of the garden and
leaning my brow against his knotty trunk my foot rested on the stone sealing
the small sepulchre at his root and I recalled the passage of feeling therein
buried I recalled Dr John my warm affection for him my faith in his
excellence my delight in his grace What was become of that curious onesided
friendship which was half marble and half life only on one hand truth and on
the other perhaps a jest
Was this feeling dead I do not know but it was buried Sometimes I thought
the tomb unquiet and dreamed strangely of disturbed earth and of hair still
golden and living obtruded through coffinchinks
Had I been too hasty I used to ask myself and this question would occur
with a cruel sharpness after some brief chance interview with Dr John He had
still such kind looks such a warm hand his voice still kept so pleasant a tone
for my name I never liked Lucy so well as when he uttered it But I learned in
time that this benignity this cordiality this music belonged in no shape to
me it was a part of himself it was the honey of his temper it was the balm of
his mellow mood he imparted it as the ripe fruit rewards with sweetness the
rifling bee he diffused it about him as sweet plants shed their perfume Does
the nectarine love either the bee or bird it feeds Is the sweet briar enamoured
of the air
»Good night Dr John you are good you are beautiful but you are not
mine Good night and God bless you«
Thus I closed my musings »Good night« left my lips in sound I heard the
two words spoken and then I heard an echo quite close
»Good night mademoiselle or rather good evening the sun is scarce set
I hope you slept well«
I started but was only discomposed a moment I knew the voice and speaker
»Slept monsieur When where«
»You may well inquire when where It seems you turn day into night and
choose a desk for a pillow rather hard lodging «
»It was softened for me monsieur while I slept That unseen giftbringing
thing which haunts my desk remembered me No matter how I fell asleep I awoke
pillowed and covered«
»Did the shawls keep you warm«
»Very warm Do you ask thanks for them«
»No You looked pale in your slumbers are you homesick«
»To be homesick one must have a home which I have not«
»Then you have more need of a careful friend I scarcely know any one Miss
Lucy who needs a friend more absolutely than you your very faults imperatively
require it You want so much checking regulating and keeping down«
This idea of keeping down never left M Pauls head the most habitual
subjugation would in my case have failed to relieve him of it No matter what
did it signify I listened to him and did not trouble myself to be too
submissive his occupation would have been gone had I left him nothing to keep
down
»You need watching and watching over« he pursued »and it is well for you
that I see this and do my best to discharge both duties I watch you and others
pretty closely pretty constantly nearer and oftener than you or they think Do
you see that window with a light in it«
He pointed to a lattice in one of the college boardinghouses
»That« said he »is a room I have hired nominally for a study virtually
for a post of observation There I sit and read for hours together it is my way
my taste My book is this garden its contents are human nature female human
nature I know you all by heart Ah I know you well St Pierre the Parisienne
cette maîtressefemme my cousin Beck herself«
»It is not right monsieur«
»Comment it is not right By whose creed Does some dogma of Calvin or
Luther condemn it What is that to me I am no Protestant My rich father for
though I have known poverty and once starved for a year in a garret in Rome
starved wretchedly often on a meal a day and sometimes not that yet I was
born to wealth my rich father was a good Catholic and he gave me a priest
and a Jesuit for a tutor I retain his lessons and to what discoveries grand
Dieu have they not aided me«
»Discoveries made by stealth seem to me dishonourable discoveries«
»Puritaine I doubt it not Yet see how my Jesuits system works You know
the St Pierre«
»Partially«
He laughed »You say right partially whereas I know her thoroughly
there is the difference She played before me the amiable offered me patte de
velours caressed flattered fawned on me Now I am accessible to a womans
flattery accessible against my reason Though never pretty she was when I
first knew her young or knew how to look young Like all her countrywomen
she had the art of dressing she had a certain cool easy social assurance
which spared me the pain of embarrassment «
»Monsieur that must have been unnecessary I never saw you embarrassed in
my life«
»Mademoiselle you know little of me I can be embarrassed as a petite
pensionnaire there is a fund of modesty and diffidence in my nature «
»Monsieur I never saw it«
»Mademoiselle it is there You ought to have seen it«
»Monsieur I have observed you in public on platforms in tribunes before
titles and crowned heads and you were as easy as you are in the third
division«
»Mademoiselle neither titles nor crowned heads excite my modesty and
publicity is very much my element I like it well and breathe in it quite
freely but but in short here is the sentiment brought into action at this
very moment however I disdain to be worsted by it If mademoiselle I were a
marrying man which I am not and you may spare yourself the trouble of any
sneer you may be contemplating at the thought and found it necessary to ask a
lady whether she could look upon me in the light of a future husband then would
it be proved that I am as I say modest«
I quite believed him now and in believing I honoured him with a sincerity
of esteem which made my heart ache
»As to the St Pierre« he went on recovering himself for his voice had
altered a little »she once intended to be Madame Emanuel and I do nt know
whither I might have been led but for yonder little lattice with the light Ah
magic lattice what miracles of discovery hast thou wrought Yes« he pursued
»I have seen her rancours her vanities her levities not only here but
elsewhere I have witnessed what bucklers me against all her arts I am safe
from poor Zélie«
»And my pupils« he presently recommenced »those blondes jeunes filles so
mild and meek I have seen the most reserved romp like boys the demurest
snatch grapes from the walls shake pears from the trees When the English
teacher came I saw her marked her early preference for this alley noted her
taste for seclusion watched her well long before she and I came to speaking
terms do you recollect my once coming silently and offering you a little knot
of white violets when we were strangers«
»I recollect it I dried the violets kept them and have them still«
»It pleased me when you took them peacefully and promptly without prudery
that sentiment which I ever dread to excite and which when it is revealed in
eye or gesture I vindictively detest To return Not only did I watch you but
often especially at eventide another guardian angel was noiselessly hovering
near night after night my cousin Beck has stolen down yonder steps and
glidingly pursued your movements when you did not see her«
»But Monsieur you could not from the distance of that window see what
passed in this garden at night«
»By moonlight I possibly might with a glass I use a glass but the garden
itself is open to me In the shed at the bottom there is a door leading into a
court which communicates with the college of that door I possess the key and
thus come and go at pleasure This afternoon I came through it and found you
asleep in class again this evening I have availed myself of the same
entrance«
I could not help saying »If you were a wicked designing man how terrible
would all this be«
His attention seemed incapable of being arrested by this view of the
subject he lit his cigar and while he puffed it leaning against a tree and
looking at me in a cool amused way he had when his humour was tranquil I
thought proper to go on sermonizing him he often lectured me by the hour
together I did not see why I should not speak my mind for once So I told him
my impressions concerning his Jesuitsystem
»The knowledge it brings you is bought too dear monsieur this coming and
going by stealth degrades your own dignity«
»My dignity« he cried laughing »when did you ever see me trouble my head
about my dignity It is you Miss Lucy who are digne How often in your high
insular presence have I taken a pleasure in trampling upon what you are
pleased to call my dignity tearing it scattering it to the winds in those
mad transports you witness with such hauteur and which I know you think very
like the ravings of a thirdrate London actor«
»Monsieur I tell you every glance you cast from that lattice is a wrong
done to the best part of your own nature To study the human heart thus is to
banquet secretly and sacrilegiously on Eves apples I wish you were a
Protestant«
Indifferent to the wish he smoked on After a space of smiling yet
thoughtful silence he said rather suddenly
»I have seen other things«
»What other things«
Taking the weed from his lips he threw the remnant amongst the shrubs
where for a moment it lay glowing in the gloom
»Look at it« said he »is not that spark like an eye watching you and me«
He took a turn down the walk presently returning he went on
»I have seen Miss Lucy things to me unaccountable that have made me watch
all night for a solution and I have not yet found it«
The tone was peculiar my veins thrilled he saw me shiver
»Are you afraid Whether is it of my words or that red jealous eye just
winking itself out«
»I am cold the night grows dark and late and the air is changed it is
time to go in«
»It is little past eight but you shall go in soon Answer me only this
question«
Yet he paused ere he put it The garden was truly growing dark dusk had
come on with clouds and drops of rain began to patter through the trees I
hoped he would feel this but for the moment he seemed too much absorbed to be
sensible of the change
»Mademoiselle do you Protestants believe in the supernatural«
»There is a difference of theory and belief on this point amongst
Protestants as amongst other sects« I answered »Why monsieur do you ask
such a question«
»Why do you shrink and speak so faintly Are you superstitious«
»I am constitutionally nervous I dislike the discussion of such subjects I
dislike it the more because «
»You believe«
»No but it has happened to me to experience impressions «
»Since you came here«
»Yes not many months ago«
»Here in this house«
»Yes«
»Bon I am glad of it I knew it somehow before you told me I was conscious
of rapport between you and myself You are patient and I am choleric you are
quiet and pale and I am tanned and fiery you are a strict Protestant and I am
a sort of lay Jesuit but we are alike there is affinity Do you see it
mademoiselle when you look in the glass Do you observe that your forehead is
shaped like mine that your eyes are cut like mine Do you hear that you have
some of my tones of voice Do you know that you have many of my looks I
perceive all this and believe that you were born under my star Yes you were
born under my star Tremble for where that is the case with mortals the
threads of their destinies are difficult to disentangle knottings and
catchings occur sudden breaks leave damage in the web But these impressions
as you say with English caution I too have had my impressions«
»Monsieur tell me them«
»I desire no better and intend no less You know the legend of this house
and garden«
»I know it Yes They say that hundreds of years ago a nun was buried here
alive at the foot of this very tree beneath the ground which now bears us«
»And that in former days a nuns ghost used to come and go here«
»Monsieur what if it comes and goes here still«
»Something comes and goes here there is a shape frequenting this house by
night different to any forms that show themselves by day I have indisputably
seen a something more than once and to me its conventual weeds were a strange
sight saying more than they can do to any other living being A nun«
»Monsieur I too have seen it«
»I anticipated that Whether this nun be flesh and blood or something that
remains when blood is dried and flesh wasted her business is as much with you
as with me probably Well I mean to make it out it has baffled me so far but
I mean to follow up the mystery I mean «
Instead of telling what he meant he raised his head suddenly I made the
same movement in the same instant we both looked to one point the high tree
shadowing the great berceau and resting some of its boughs on the roof of the
first classe There had been a strange and inexplicable sound from that quarter
as if the arms of that tree had swayed of their own motion and its weight of
foliage had rushed and crushed against the massive trunk Yes there scarce
stirred a breeze and that heavy tree was convulsed whilst the feathery shrubs
stood still For some minutes amongst the wood and leafage a rending and heaving
went on Dark as it was it seemed to me that something more solid than either
nightshadow or branchshadow blackened out of the boles At last the struggle
ceased What birth succeeded this travail What Dryad was born of these throes
We watched fixedly A sudden bell rang in the house the prayerbell Instantly
into our alley there came out of the berceau an apparition all black and
white With a sort of angry rush close close past our faces swept swiftly
the very NUN herself Never had I seen her so clearly She looked tall of
stature and fierce of gesture As she went the wind rose sobbing the rain
poured wild and cold the whole night seemed to feel her
Chapter XXXII
The First Letter
Where it becomes time to inquire was Paulina Mary How fared my intercourse
with the sumptuous Hotel Crécy That intercourse had for an interval been
suspended by absence M and Miss de Bassompierre had been travelling dividing
some weeks between the provinces and the capital of France Chance apprised me
of their return very shortly after it took place
I was walking one mild afternoon on a quiet boulevard wandering slowly on
enjoying the benign April sun and some thoughts not unpleasing when I saw
before me a group of riders stopping as if they had just encountered and
exchanging greetings in the midst of the broad smooth lindenbordered path on
one side a middleaged gentleman and young lady on the other a young and
handsome man Very graceful was the ladys mien choice her appointments
delicate and stately her whole aspect Still as I looked I felt they were
known to me and drawing a little nearer I fully recognized them all the
Count Home de Bassompierre his daughter and Dr Graham Bretton
How animated was Grahams face How true how warm yet how retiring the joy
it expressed This was the state of things this the combination of
circumstances at once to attract and enchain to subdue and excite Dr John
The pearl he admired was in itself of great price and truest purity but he was
not the man who in appreciating the gem could forget its setting Had he seen
Paulina with the same youth beauty and grace but on foot alone unguarded
and in simple attire a dependent worker a demigrisette he would have thought
her a pretty little creature and would have loved with his eye her movements
and her mien but it required other than this to conquer him as he was now
vanquished to bring him safe under dominion as now without loss and even with
gain to his manly honour one saw that he was reduced there was about Dr John
all the man of the world to satisfy himself did not suffice society must
approve the world must admire what he did or he counted his measures false
and futile In his victrix he required all that was here visible the imprint
of high cultivation the consecration of a careful and authoritative protection
the adjuncts that Fashion decrees Wealth purchases and Taste adjusts for
these conditions his spirit stipulated ere it surrendered they were here to the
utmost fulfilled and now proud impassioned yet fearing he did homage to
Paulina as his sovereign As for her the smile of feeling rather than of
conscious power slept soft in her eyes
They parted He passed me at speed hardly feeling the earth he skimmed and
seeing nothing on either hand He looked very handsome mettle and purpose were
roused in him fully
»Papa there is Lucy« cried a musical friendly voice »Lucy dear Lucy
do come here«
I hastened to her She threw back her veil and stooped from her saddle to
kiss me
»I was coming to see you tomorrow« said she »but now tomorrow you will
come and see me«
She named the hour and I promised compliance
The morrows evening found me with her she and I shut into her own room I
had not seen her since that occasion when her claims were brought into
comparison with those of Ginevra Fanshawe and had so signally prevailed she
had much to tell me of her travels in the interval A most animated rapid
speaker was she in such têteàtête a most lively describer yet with her
artless diction and clear soft voice she never seemed to speak too fast or say
too much My own attention I think would not soon have flagged but byandby
she herself seemed to need some change of subject she hastened to wind up her
narrative briefly Yet why she terminated with so concise an abridgment did not
immediately appear silence followed a restless silence not without symptoms
of abstraction Then turning to me in a diffident halfappealing voice
»Lucy «
»Well I am at your side«
»Is my cousin Ginevra still at Madame Becks«
»Your cousin is still there you must be longing to see her«
»No not much«
»You want to invite her to spend another evening«
»No I suppose she still talks about being married«
»Not to any one you care for«
»But of course she still thinks of Dr Bretton She cannot have changed her
mind on that point because it was so fixed two months ago«
»Why you know it does not matter You saw the terms on which they stood«
»There was a little misunderstanding that evening certainly does she seem
unhappy«
»Not she To change the subject Have you heard or seen nothing of or from
Graham during your absence«
»Papa had letters from him once or twice about business I think He
undertook the management of some affair which required attention while we were
away Dr Bretton seems to respect papa and to have pleasure in obliging him«
»Yes you met him yesterday on the boulevard you would be able to judge
from his aspect that his friends need not be painfully anxious about his
health«
»Papa seems to have thought with you I could not help smiling He is not
particularly observant you know because he is often thinking of other things
than what pass before his eyes but he said as Dr Bretton rode away Really it
does a man good to see the spirit and energy of that boy He called Dr Bretton
a boy I believe he almost thinks him so just as he thinks me a little girl he
was not speaking to me but dropped that remark to himself Lucy «
Again fell the appealing accent and at the same instant she left her chair
and came and sat on the stool at my feet
I liked her It is not a declaration I have often made concerning my
acquaintance in the course of this book the reader will bear with it for once
Intimate intercourse close inspection disclosed in Paulina only what was
delicate intelligent and sincere therefore my regard for her lay deep An
admiration more superficial might have been more demonstrative mine however
was quiet
»What have you to ask of Lucy« said I »be brave and speak out«
But there was no courage in her eye as it met mine it fell and there was
no coolness on her cheek not a transient surfaceblush but a gathering inward
excitement raised its tint and its temperature
»Lucy I do wish to know your thoughts of Dr Bretton Do do give me your
real opinion of his character his disposition«
»His character stands high and deservedly high«
»And his disposition Tell me about his disposition« she urged »you know
him well«
»I know him pretty well«
»You know his homeside You have seen him with his mother speak of him as
a son«
»He is a finehearted son his mothers comfort and hope her pride and
pleasure«
She held my hand between hers and at each favourable word gave it a little
caressing stroke
»In what other way is he good dear Lucy«
»Dr Bretton is benevolent humanely disposed towards all his race Dr
Bretton would have benignity for the lowest savage or the worst criminal«
»I heard some gentlemen some of papas friends who were talking about him
say the same They say many of the poor patients at the hospitals who tremble
before some pitiless and selfish surgeons welcome him«
»They are right I have witnessed as much He once took me over a hospital
I saw how he was received your fathers friends are right«
The softest gratitude animated her eye as she lifted it a moment She had
yet more to say but seemed hesitating about time and place Dusk was beginning
to reign her parlour fire already glowed with twilight ruddiness but I thought
she wished the room dimmer the hour later
»How quiet and secluded we feel here« I remarked to reassure her
»Do we Yes it is a still evening and I shall not be called down to tea
papa is dining out«
Still holding my hand she played with the fingers unconsciously dressed
them now in her own rings and now circled them with a twine of her beautiful
hair she patted the palm against her hot cheek and at last having cleared a
voice that was naturally liquid as a larks she said
»You must think it rather strange that I should talk so much about Dr
Bretton ask so many questions take such an interest but « »Not at all
strange perfectly natural you like him«
»And if I did« said she with slight quickness »is that a reason why I
should talk I suppose you think me weak like my cousin Ginevra«
»If I thought you one whit like Madame Ginevra I would not sit here waiting
for your communications I would get up walk at my ease about the room and
anticipate all you had to say by a round lecture Go on«
»I mean to go on« retorted she »what else do you suppose I mean to do«
And she looked and spoke the little Polly of Bretton petulant sensitive
»If« said she emphatically »if I liked Dr John till I was fit to die for
liking him that alone could not license me to be otherwise than dumb dumb as
the grave dumb as you Lucy Snowe you know it and you know you would
despise me if I failed in selfcontrol and whined about some ricketty liking
that was all on my side«
»It is true I little respect women or girls who are loquacious either in
boasting the triumphs or bemoaning the mortifications of feeling But as to
you Paulina speak for I earnestly wish to hear you Tell me all it will give
you pleasure or relief to tell I ask no more«
»Do you care for me Lucy«
»Yes I do Paulina«
»And I love you I had an odd content in being with you even when I was a
little troublesome disobedient girl it was charming to me then to lavish on
you my naughtiness and whims Now you are acceptable to me and I like to talk
with and trust you So listen Lucy«
And she settled herself resting against my arm resting gently not with
honest Mistress Fanshawes fatiguing and selfish weight
»A few minutes since you asked whether we had not heard from Graham during
our absence and I said there were two letters for papa on business this was
true but I did not tell you all«
»You evaded«
»I shuffled and equivocated you know However I am going to speak the
truth now it is getting darker one can talk at ones ease Papa often lets me
open the letterbag and give him out the contents One morning about three
weeks ago you dont know how surprised I was to find amongst a dozen letters
for M de Bassompierre a note addressed to Miss de Bassompierre I spied it at
once amidst all the rest the handwriting was not strange it attracted me
directly I was going to say Papa here is another letter from Dr Bretton but
the Miss struck me mute I actually never received a letter from a gentleman
before Ought I to have shown it to papa and let him open it and read it first
I could not for my life Lucy I know so well papas ideas about me he forgets
my age he thinks I am a mere schoolgirl he is not aware that other people see
I am grown up as tall as I shall be so with a curious mixture of feelings
some of them selfreproachful and some so fluttering and strong I cannot
describe them I gave papa his twelve letters his herd of possessions and
kept back my one my ewelamb It lay in my lap during breakfast looking up at
me with an inexplicable meaning making me feel myself a thing doubleexistent
a child to that dear papa but no more a child to myself After breakfast I
carried my letter upstairs and having secured myself by turning the key in the
door I began to study the outside of my treasure it was some minutes before I
could get over the direction and penetrate the seal one does not take a strong
place of this kind by instant storm one sits down awhile before it as
beleaguers say Grahams hand is like himself Lucy and so is his seal all
clear firm and rounded no slovenly splash of wax a full solid steady
drop a distinct impress no pointed turns harshly pricking the optic nerve
but a clean mellow pleasant manuscript that soothes you as you read It is
like his face just like the chiselling of his features do you know his
autograph«
»I have seen it go on«
»The seal was too beautiful to be broken so I cut it round with my
scissors On the point of reading the letter at last I once more drew back
voluntarily it was too soon yet to drink that draught the sparkle in the cup
was so beautiful I would watch it yet a minute Then I remembered all at once
that I had not said my prayers that morning Having heard papa go down to
breakfast a little earlier than usual I had been afraid of keeping him waiting
and had hastened to join him as soon as dressed thinking no harm to put off
prayers till afterwards Some people would say I ought to have served God first
and then man but I dont think Heaven could be jealous of anything I might do
for papa I believe I am superstitious A voice seemed now to say that another
feeling than filial affection was in question to urge me to pray before I
dared to read what I so longed to read to deny myself yet a moment and
remember first a great duty I have had these impulses ever since I can
remember I put the letter down and said my prayers adding at the end a
strong entreaty that whatever happened I might not be tempted or led to cause
papa any sorrow and might never in caring for others neglect him The very
thought of such a possibility so pierced my heart that it made me cry But
still Lucy I felt that in time papa would have to be taught the truth
managed and induced to hear reason
I read the letter Lucy life is said to be all disappointment I was not
disappointed Ere I read and while I read my heart did more than throb it
trembled fast every quiver seemed like the pant of an animal athirst laid
down at a well and drinking and the well proved quite full gloriously clear
it rose up munificently of its own impulse I saw the sun through its gush and
not a mote Lucy no moss no insect no atom in the thricerefined golden
gurgle
Life« she went on »is said to be full of pain to some I have read
biographies where the wayfarer seemed to journey on from suffering to suffering
where Hope flew before him fast never alighting so near or lingering so long
as to give his hand a chance of one realizing grasp I have read of those who
sowed in tears and whose harvest so far from being reaped in joy perished by
untimely blight or was borne off by sudden whirlwind and alas some of these
met the winter with empty garners and died of utter want in the darkest and
coldest of the year«
»Was it their fault Paulina that they of whom you speak thus died«
»Not always their fault Some of them were good endeavouring people I am
not endeavouring nor actively good yet God has caused me to grow in sun due
moisture and safe protection sheltered fostered taught by my dear father
and now now another comes Graham loves me«
For some minutes we both paused on this climax
»Does your father know« I inquired in a low voice
»Graham spoke with deep respect of papa but implied that he dared not
approach that quarter as yet he must first prove his worth he added that he
must have some light respecting myself and my own feelings ere he ventured to
risk a step in the matter elsewhere«
»How did you reply«
»I replied briefly but I did not repulse him Yet I almost trembled for
fear of making the answer too cordial Grahams tastes are so fastidious I
wrote it three times chastening and subduing the phrases at every rescript at
last having confected it till it seemed to me to resemble a morsel of ice
flavoured with ever so slight a zest of fruit or sugar I ventured to seal and
despatch it«
»Excellent Paulina Your instinct is fine you understand Dr Bretton«
»But how must I manage about papa There I am still in pain«
»Do not manage at all Wait now Only maintain no further correspondence
till your father knows all and gives his sanction«
»Will he ever give it«
»Time will show Wait«
»Dr Bretton wrote one other letter deeply grateful for my calm brief
note but I anticipated your advice by saying that while my sentiments
continued the same I could not without my fathers knowledge write again«
»You acted as you ought to have done so Dr Bretton will feel it will
increase his pride in you his love for you if either be capable of increase
Paulina that gentle hoarfrost of yours surrounding so much pure fine flame
is a priceless privilege of nature.«
»You see I feel Grahams disposition« said she »I feel that no delicacy
can be too exquisite for his treatment«
»It is perfectly proved that you comprehend him and then whatever Dr
Brettons disposition were he one who expected to be more nearly met you
would still act truthfully openly tenderly with your father«
»Lucy I trust I shall thus act always Oh it will be pain to wake papa
from his dream and tell him I am no more a little girl«
»Be in no hurry to do so Paulina Leave the revelation to Time and your
kind Fate I also have noticed the gentleness of her cares for you doubt not
she will benignantly order the circumstances and fitly appoint the hour Yes I
have thought over your life just as you have yourself thought it over I have
made comparisons like those to which you adverted We know not the future but
the past has been propitious
As a child I feared for you nothing that has life was ever more susceptible
than your nature in infancy under harshness or neglect neither your outward
nor your inward self would have ripened to what they now are Much pain much
fear much struggle would have troubled the very lines of your features broken
their regularity would have harassed your nerves into the fever of habitual
irritation you would have lost in health and cheerfulness in grace and
sweetness Providence has protected and cultured you not only for your own
sake but I believe for Grahams His star too was fortunate to develope
fully the best of his nature a companion like you was needed there you are
ready You must be united I knew it the first day I saw you together at La
Terrasse In all that mutually concerns you and Graham there seems to me
promise plan harmony I do not think the sunny youth of either will prove the
forerunner of stormy age I think it is deemed good that you two should live in
peace and be happy not as angels but as few are happy amongst mortals Some
lives are thus blessed it is Gods will it is the attesting trace and
lingering evidence of Eden Other lives run from the first another course Other
travellers encounter weather fitful and gusty wild and variable breast
adverse winds are belated and overtaken by the early closing winter night
Neither can this happen without the sanction of God and I know that amidst His
boundless works is somewhere stored the secret of this last fates justice I
know that His treasures contain the proof as the promise of its mercy«
Chapter XXXIII
M Paul Keeps His Promise
On the first of May we had all ie the twenty boarders and the four teachers
notice to rise at five oclock of the morning to be dressed and ready by six
to put ourselves under the command of M le Professeur Emanuel who was to head
our march forth from Villette for it was on this day he proposed to fulfil his
promise of taking us to breakfast in the country I indeed as the reader may
perhaps remember had not had the honour of an invitation when this excursion
was first projected rather the contrary but on my now making allusion to this
fact and wishing to know how it was to be my ear received a pull of which I
did not venture to challenge the repetition by raising further difficulties
»Je vous conseille de vous faire prier« said M Emanuel imperially
menacing the other ear One Napoleonic compliment however was enough so I
made up my mind to be of the party
The morning broke calm as summer with singing of birds in the garden and a
light dewmist that promised heat We all said it would be warm and we all felt
pleasure in folding away heavy garments and in assuming the attire suiting a
sunny season The clean fresh print dress and the light straw bonnet each made
and trimmed as the French workwoman alone can make and trim so as to unite the
utterly unpretending with the perfectly becoming was the rule of costume
Nobody flaunted in faded silk nobody wore a secondhand best article
At six the bell rang merrily and we poured down the staircase through the
carré along the corridor into the vestibule There stood our Professor
wearing not his savagelooking paletot and severe bonnetgrec but a
younglooking beltedblouse and cheerful straw hat He had for us all the
kindest goodmorrow and most of us for him had a thanksgiving smile We were
marshalled in order and soon started
The streets were yet quiet and the boulevards were fresh and peaceful as
fields I believe we were very happy as we walked along This chief of ours had
the secret of giving a certain impetus to happiness when he would just as in
an opposite mood he could give a thrill to fear
He did not lead nor follow us but walked along the line giving a word to
every one talking much to his favourites and not wholly neglecting even those
he disliked It was rather my wish for a reason I had to keep slightly aloof
from notice and being paired with Ginevra Fanshawe bearing on my arm the dear
pressure of that angels not unsubstantial limb she continued in excellent
case and I can assure the reader it was no trifling business to bear the burden
of her loveliness many a time in the course of that warm day I wished to
goodness there had been less of the charming commodity however having her
as I said I tried to make her useful by interposing her always between myself
and M Paul shifting my place according as I heard him coming up to the right
hand or the left My private motive for this manoeuvre might be traced to the
circumstance of the new print dress I wore being pink in colour a fact which
under our present convoy made me feel something as I have felt when clad in a
shawl with a red border necessitated to traverse a meadow where pastured a bull
For awhile the shifting system together with some modifications in the
arrangement of a black silk scarf answered my purpose but byandbye he
found out that whether he came to this side or to that Miss Fanshawe was still
his neighbour The course of acquaintance between Ginevra and him had never run
so smooth that his temper did not undergo a certain crisping process whenever he
heard her English accent nothing in their dispositions fitted they jarred if
they came in contact he held her empty and affected she deemed him bearish
meddling repellent
At last when he had changed his place for about the sixth time finding
still the same untoward result to the experiment he thrust his head forward
settled his eyes on mine and demanded with impatience
»Qu est ceque c est Vous me jouez des tours«
The words were hardly out of his mouth however ere with his customary
quickness he seized the root of this proceeding in vain I shook out the long
fringe and spread forth the broad end of my scarf »A h h cest la robe
rose« broke from his lips affecting me very much like the sudden and irate low
of some lord of the meadow
»It is only cotton« I alleged hurriedly »and cheaper and washes better
than any other colour«
»Et Mademoiselle Lucie est coquette comme dix Parisiennes« he answered
»Aton jamais vu une Anglaise pareille Regarded plutôt son chapeau et ses
gants et ses brodequins« These articles of dress were just like what my
companions wore certainly not one whit smarter perhaps rather plainer than
most but monsieur had now got hold of his text and I began to chafe under the
expected sermon It went off however as mildly as the menace of a storm
sometimes passes on a summer day I got but one flash of sheet lightning in the
shape of a single bantering smile from his eyes and then he said »Courage
à vrai dire je ne suis pas fâché peutêtre même suis je content quon sest fait
si belle pour ma petite fête«
»Mais ma robe nest pas belle monsieur elle nest que propre«
»Jaime la propreté« said he In short he was not to be dissatisfied the
sun of good humour was to triumph on this auspicious morning it consumed
scudding clouds ere they sullied its disk
And now we were in the country amongst what they called »les bois et les
petits sentiers« These woods and lanes a month later would offer but a dusty
and doubtful seclusion now however in their May greenness and morning repose
they looked very pleasant
We reached a certain well planted round in the taste of Labassecour with
an orderly circle of limetrees here a halt was called on the green swell of
ground surrounding this well we were ordered to be seated monsieur taking his
place in our midst and suffering us to gather in a knot round him Those who
liked him more than they feared came close and these were chiefly little ones
those who feared more than they liked kept somewhat aloof those in whom much
affection had given even to what remained of fear a pleasurable zest observed
the greatest distance
He began to tell us a story Well could he narrate in such a diction as
children love and learned men emulate a diction simple in its strength and
strong in its simplicity There were beautiful touches in that little tale
sweet glimpses of feeling and hues of description that while I listened sunk
into my mind and since have never faded He tinted a twilight scene I hold it
in memory still such a picture I have never looked on from artists pencil
I have said that for myself I had no impromptu faculty and perhaps that
very deficiency made me marvel the more at one who possessed it in perfection
M Emanuel was not a man to write books but I have heard him lavish with
careless unconscious prodigality such mental wealth as books seldom boast his
mind was indeed my library and whenever it was opened to me I entered bliss
Intellectually imperfect as I was I could read little there were few bound and
printed volumes that did not weary me whose perusal did not fag and blind
but his tomes of thought were collyrium to the spirits eyes over their
contents inward sight grew clear and strong I used to think what a delight it
would be for one who loved him better than he loved himself to gather and store
up those handfuls of golddust so recklessly flung to heavens reckless winds
His story done he approached the little knoll where I and Ginevra sat
apart In his usual mode of demanding an opinion he had not reticence to wait
till it was voluntarily offered he asked
»Were you interested«
According to my wonted undemonstrative fashion I simply answered
»Yes«
»Was it good«
»Very good«
»Yet I could not write that down« said he
»Why not monsieur«
»I hate the mechanical labour I hate to stoop and sit still I could
dictate it though with pleasure to an amanuensis who suited me Would
Mademoiselle Lucy write for me if I asked her«
»Monsieur would be too quick he would urge me and be angry if my pen did
not keep pace with his lips«
»Try some day let us see the monster I can make of myself under the
circumstances But just now there is no question of dictation I mean to make
you useful in another office Do you see yonder farmhouse«
»Surrounded with trees Yes«
»There we are to breakfast and while the good fermière makes the café au
lait in a caldron you and five others whom I shall select will spread with
butter half a hundred rolls«
Having formed his troop into line once more he marched us straight on the
farm which on seeing our force surrendered without capitulation
Clean knives and plates and fresh butter being provided half a dozen of
us chosen by our professor set to work under his directions to prepare for
breakfast a huge basket of rolls with which the baker had been ordered to
provision the farm in anticipation of our coming Coffee and chocolate were
already made hot cream and newlaid eggs were added to the treat and M
Emanuel always generous would have given a large order for jambon and
confitures in addition but that some of us who presumed perhaps upon our
influence insisted that it would be a most reckless waste of victual He railed
at us for our pains terming us »des mènagères avares« but we let him talk and
managed the economy of the repast our own way
With what a pleasant countenance he stood on the farmkitchen hearth looking
on He was a man whom it made happy to see others happy he liked to have
movement animation abundance and enjoyment round him We asked where he would
sit He told us we knew well he was our slave and we his tyrants and that he
dared not so much as choose a chair without our leave so we set him the
farmers great chair at the head of the long table and put him into it
Well might we like him with all his passions and hurricanes when he could
be so benignant and docile at times as he was just now Indeed at the worst
it was only his nerves that were irritable not his temper that was radically
bad soothe comprehend comfort him and he was a lamb he would not harm a
fly Only to the very stupid perverse or unsympathizing was he in the
slightest degree dangerous
Mindful always of his religion he made the youngest of the party say a
little prayer before we begun breakfast crossing himself as devoutly as a
woman I had never seen him pray before or make that pious sign he did it so
simply with such childlike faith I could not help smiling pleasurably as I
watched his eyes met my smile he just stretched out his kind hand saying
»Donnez moi la main I see we worship the same God in the same spirit
though by different rites«
Most of M Emanuels brother professors were emancipated freethinkers
infidels atheists and many of them men whose lives would not bear scrutiny he
was more like a knight of old religious in his way and of spotless fame
Innocent childhood beautiful youth were safe at his side He had vivid
passions keen feelings but his pure honour and his artless piety were the
strong charm that kept the lions couchant
That breakfast was a merry meal and the merriment was not mere vacant
clatter M Paul originated led controlled and heightened it his social
lively temper played unfettered and unclouded surrounded only by women and
children there was nothing to cross and thwart him he had his own way and a
pleasant way it was
The meal over the party were free to run and play in the meadows a few
stayed to help the farmers wife to put away her earthenware M Paul called me
from among these to come out and sit near him under a tree whence he could
view the troop gambolling over a wide pasture and read to him whilst he took
his cigar He sat on a rustic bench and I at the treeroot While I read a
pocketclassic a Corneille I did not like it but he did finding therein
beauties I never could be brought to perceive he listened with a sweetness of
calm the more impressive from the impetuosity of his general nature the deepest
happiness filled his blue eye and smoothed his broad forehead I too was happy
happy with the bright day happier with his presence happiest with his
kindness
He asked byandby if I would not rather run to my companions than sit
there I said no I felt content to be where he was He asked whether if I
were his sister I should always be content to stay with a brother such as he I
said I believed I should and I felt it Again he inquired whether if he were
to leave Villette and go far away I should be sorry and I dropped Corneille
and made no reply
»Petite soeur« said he »how long could you remember me if we were
separated«
»That monsieur I can never tell because I do not know how long it will be
before I shall cease to remember everything earthly«
»If I were to go beyond seas for two three five years should you
welcome me on my return«
»Monsieur how could I live in the interval«
»Pourtant jai été pour vous bien dur bien exigeant«
I hid my face with the book for it was covered with tears I asked him why
he talked so and he said he would talk so no more and cheered me again with
the kindest encouragement Still the gentleness with which he treated me during
the rest of the day went somehow to my heart It was too tender It was
mournful I would rather he had been abrupt whimsical and irate as was his
wont
When hot noon arrived for the day turned out as we had anticipated
glowing as June our shepherd collected his sheep from the pasture and
proceeded to lead us all softly home But we had a whole league to walk thus
far from Villette was the farm where we had breakfasted the children
especially were tired with their play the spirits of most flagged at the
prospect of this midday walk over chaussées flinty glaring and dusty This
state of things had been foreseen and provided for Just beyond the boundary of
the farm we met two spacious vehicles coming to fetch us such conveyances as
are hired out purposely for the accommodation of schoolparties here with good
management room was found for all and in another hour M Paul made safe
consignment of his charge at the Rue Fossette It had been a pleasant day it
would have been perfect but for the breathing of melancholy which had dimmed
its sunshine a moment
That tarnish was renewed the same evening
Just about sunset I saw M Emanuel come out of the frontdoor accompanied
by Madame Beck They paced the centrealley for nearly an hour talking
earnestly he looking grave yet restless she wearing an amazed
expostulatory dissuasive air
I wondered what was under discussion and when Madame Beck reentered the
house as it darkened leaving her kinsman Paul yet lingering in the garden I
said to myself
»He called me petite soeur this morning If he were really my brother how I
should like to go to him just now and ask what it is that presses on his mind
See how he leans against that tree with his arms crossed and his brow bent He
wants consolation I know Madame does not console she only remonstrates What
now «
Starting from quiescence to action M Paul came striding erect and quick
down the garden The carré doors were yet open I thought he was probably going
to water the orangetrees in the tubs after his occasional custom on reaching
the court however he took an abrupt turn and made for the berceau and the
first classe glassdoor There in that first classe I was thence I had been
watching him but there I could not find courage to await his approach He had
turned so suddenly he strode so fast he looked so strange the coward within
me grew pale shrunk and not waiting to listen to reason and hearing the
shrubs crush and the gravel crunch to his advance she was gone on the wings of
panic
Nor did I pause till I had taken sanctuary in the oratory now empty
Listening there with beating pulses and an unaccountable undefined
apprehension I heard him pass through all the schoolrooms clashing the doors
impatiently as he went I heard him invade the refectory which the »lecture
pieuse« was now holding under hallowed constraint I heard him pronounce these
words
»Où est Mademoiselle Lucie«
And just as summoning my courage I was preparing to go down and do what
after all I most wished to do in the world viz meet him the wiry voice of
St Pierre replied glibly and falsely »Elle est au lit« And he passed with the
stamp of vexation into the corridor There Madame Beck met captured chid
convoyed to the streetdoor and finally dismissed him
As that streetdoor closed a sudden amazement at my own perverse proceeding
struck like a blow upon me I felt from the first it was me he wanted me he
was seeking and had not I wanted him too What then had carried me away
What had rapt me beyond his reach He had something to tell he was going to
tell me that something my ear strained its nerve to hear it and I had made the
confidence impossible Yearning to listen and console while I thought audience
and solace beyond hopes reach no sooner did opportunity suddenly and fully
arrive than I evaded it as I would have evaded the levelled shaft of
mortality
Well my insane inconsistency had its reward Instead of the comfort the
certain satisfaction I might have won could I but have put choking panic
down and stood firm two minutes here was dead blank dark doubt and drear
suspense
I took my wages to my pillow and passed the night counting them
Chapter XXXIV
Malevola
Madame Beck called me on Thursday afternoon and asked whether I had any
occupation to hinder me from going into town and executing some little
commissions for her at the shops
Being disengaged and placing myself at her service I was presently
furnished with a list of the wools silks embroidering thread etcetera wanted
in the pupils work and having equipped myself in a manner suiting the
threatening aspect of a cloudy and sultry day I was just drawing the
springbolt of the streetdoor in act to issue forth when Madames voice again
summoned me to the salle à manger
»Pardon Meess Lucie« cried she in the seeming haste of an impromptu
thought »I have just recollected one more errand for you if your good nature
will not deem itself overburdened«
Of course I »confounded myself« in asseverations to the contrary and
Madame running into the little salon brought thence a pretty basket filled
with fine hothouse fruit rosy perfect and tempting reposing amongst the dark
green waxlike leaves and pale yellow stars of I know not what exotic plant
»There« she said »it is not heavy and will not shame your neat toilette
as if it were a household servantlike detail Do me the favour to leave this
little basket at the house of Madame Walravens with my felicitations on her
fête She lives down in the old town Numéro 3 Rue des Mages I fear you will
find the walk rather long but you have the whole afternoon before you and do
not hurry if you are not back in time for dinner I will order a portion to be
saved or Goton with whom you are a favourite will have pleasure in tossing up
some trifle for your especial benefit You shall not be forgotten ma bonne
meess And oh please« calling me back once more »be sure to insist on seeing
Madame Walravens herself and giving the basket into her own hands in order
that there may be no mistake for she is rather a punctilious personage Adieu
Au revoir«
And at last I got away The shopcommissions took some time to execute that
choosing and matching of silks and wools being always a tedious business but at
last I got through my list The patterns for the slippers the bellropes the
cabas were selected the slides and tassels for the purses chosen the whole
tripotage in short was off my mind nothing but the fruit and the
felicitations remained to be attended to
I rather liked the prospect of a long walk deep into the old and grim
BasseVille and I liked it no worse because the evening sky over the city was
settling into a mass of blackblue metal heated at the rim and inflaming
slowly to a heavy red
I fear a high wind because storm demands that exertion of strength and use
of action I always yield with pain but the sullen downfall the thick
snowdescent or dark rush of rain asks only resignation the quiet
abandonment of garments and person to be drenched In return it sweeps a great
capital clean before you it makes you a quiet path through broad grand
streets it petrifies a living city as if by eastern enchantment it transforms
a Villette into a Tadmor Let then the rains fall and the floods descend
only I must first get rid of this basket of fruit
An unknown clock from an unknown tower Jean Baptistes voice was now too
distant to be audible was tolling the third quarter past five when I reached
that street and house whereof Madame Beck had given me the address It was no
street at all it seemed rather to be part of a square it was quiet grass grew
between the broad gray flags the houses were large and looked very old behind
them rose the appearance of trees indicating gardens at the back Antiquity
brooded above this region business was banished thence Rich men had once
possessed this quarter and once grandeur had made her seat here That church
whose dark halfruinous turrets overlooked the square was the venerable and
formerly opulent shrine of the Magi But wealth and greatness had long since
stretched their gilded pinions and fled hence leaving these their ancient
nests perhaps to house Penury for a time or perhaps to stand cold and empty
mouldering untenanted in the course of winters
As I crossed this deserted place on whose pavement drops almost as large as
a fivefranc piece were now slowly darkening I saw in its whole expanse no
symptom or evidence of life except what was given in the figure of an infirm
old priest who went past bending and propped on a staff the type of eld and
decay
He had issued from the very house to which I was directed and when I paused
before the door just closed after him and rang the bell he turned to look at
me Nor did he soon avert his gaze perhaps he thought me with my basket of
summer fruit and my lack of the dignity age confers an incongruous figure in
such a scene I know had a young ruddyfaced bonne opened the door to admit me
I should have thought such a one little in harmony with her dwelling but when I
found myself confronted by a very old woman wearing a very antique peasant
costume a cap alike hideous and costly with long flaps of native lace a
petticoat and jacket of cloth and sabots more like little boats than shoes it
seemed all right and soothingly in character
The expression of her face was not quite so soothing as the cut of her
costume anything more cantankerous I have seldom seen she would scarcely reply
to my inquiry after Madame Walravens I believe she would have snatched the
basket of fruit from my hand had not the old priest hobbling up checked her
and himself lent an ear to the message with which I was charged
His apparent deafness rendered it a little difficult to make him fully
understand that I must see Madame Walravens and consign the fruit into her own
hands At last however he comprehended the fact that such were my orders and
that duty enjoined their literal fulfilment Addressing the aged bonne not in
French but in the aboriginal tongue of Labassecour he persuaded her at last
to let me cross the inhospitable threshold and himself escorting me upstairs
I was ushered into a sort of salon and there left
The room was large and had a fine old ceiling and almost churchlike
windows of coloured glass but it was desolate and in the shadow of the coming
storm looked strangely lowering Within opened a smaller room there
however the blind of the single casement was closed through the deep gloom few
details of furniture were apparent These few I amused myself by puzzling to
make out and in particular I was attracted by the outline of a picture on the
wall
Byandbye the picture seemed to give way to my bewilderment it shook it
sunk it rolled back into nothing its vanishing left an opening arched leading
into an arched passage with a mystic winding stair both passage and stair were
of cold stone uncarpeted and unpainted Down this donjon stair descended a tap
tap like a stick soon there fell on the steps a shadow and last of all I
was aware of a substance.
Yet was it actual substance this appearance approaching me this
obstruction partially darkening the arch
It drew near and I saw it well I began to comprehend where I was Well
might this old square be named quarter of the Magi well might the three
towers overlooking it own for godfathers three mystic sages of a dead and dark
art Hoar enchantment here prevailed a spell had opened for me elfland that
celllike room that vanishing picture that arch and passage and stair of
stone were all parts of a fairy tale Distincter even than these scenic details
stood the chief figure Cunegonde the sorceress Malevola the evil fairy How
was she
She might be three feet high but she had no shape her skinny hands rested
upon each other and pressed the gold knob of a wandlike ivory staff Her face
was large set not upon her shoulders but before her breast she seemed to
have no neck I should have said there were a hundred years in her features and
more perhaps in her eyes her malign unfriendly eyes with thick gray brows
above and livid lids all round How severely they viewed me with a sort of
dull displeasure
This being wore a gown of brocade dyed bright blue fulltinted as the
gentianella flower and covered with satin foliage in a large pattern over the
gown a costly shawl gorgeously bordered and so large for her that its
manycoloured fringe swept the floor But her chief points were her jewels she
had long clear earrings blazing with a lustre which could not be borrowed or
false she had rings on her skeleton hands with thick gold hoops and stones
purple green and bloodred Hunchbacked dwarfish and doting she was adorned
like a barbarian queen
»Que me voulezvous« said she hoarsely with the voice rather of male than
of female old age and indeed a silver beard bristled her chin
I delivered my basket and my message
»Is that all« she demanded
»It is all« said I
»Truly it was well worth while« she answered »Return to Madame Beck and
tell her I can buy fruit when I want it et quant à ses félicitations je men
moque« And this courteous dame turned her back
Just as she turned a peal of thunder broke and a flash of lightning blazed
broad over salon and boudoir The tale of magic seemed to proceed with due
accompaniment of the elements The wanderer decoyed into the enchanted castle
heard rising outside the spellwakened tempest
What in all this was I to think of Madame Beck She owned strange
acquaintance she offered messages and gifts at an unique shrine and
inauspicious seemed the bearing of the uncouth thing she worshipped There went
that sullen Sidonia tottering and trembling like palsy incarnate tapping her
ivory staff on the mosaic parquet and muttering venomously as she vanished
Down washed the rain deep lowered the welkin the clouds ruddy a while
ago had now through all their blackness turned deadly pale as if in terror
Notwithstanding my late boast about not fearing a shower I hardly liked to go
out under this waterspout Then the gleams of lightning were very fierce the
thunder crashed very near this storm had gathered immediately above Villette
it seemed to have burst at the zenith it rushed down prone the forked slant
bolts pierced athwart vertical torrents red zigzags interlaced a descent
blanched as white metal and all broke from a sky heavily black in its swollen
abundance
Leaving Madame Walravens inhospitable salon I betook myself to her cold
staircase there was a seat on the landing there I waited Somebody came
gliding along the gallery just above it was the old priest
»Indeed Mademoiselle shall not sit there« said he »It would displeasure
our benefactor if he knew a stranger was so treated in this house«
And he begged me so earnestly to return to the salon that without
discourtesy I could not but comply The smaller room was better furnished and
more habitable than the larger thither he introduced me Partially withdrawing
the blind he disclosed what seemed more like an oratory than a boudoir a very
solemn little chamber looking as if it were a place rather dedicated to relics
and remembrance than designed for present use and comfort
The good father sat down as if to keep me company but instead of
conversing he took out a book fastened on the page his eyes and employed his
lips in whispering what sounded like a prayer or litany A yellow electric
light from the sky gilded his bald head his figure remained in shade deep and
purple he sat still as sculpture he seemed to forget me for his prayers he
only looked up when a fiercer bolt or a harsher closer rattle told of nearing
danger even then it was not in fear but in seeming awe he raised his eyes I
too was awestruck being however under no pressure of slavish terror my
thoughts and observations were free
To speak truth I was beginning to fancy that the old priest resembled that
Père Silas before whom I had kneeled in the church of the Béguinage The idea
was vague for I had seen my confessor only in dusk and in profile yet still I
seemed to trace a likeness I thought also I recognized the voice While I
watched him he betrayed by one lifted look that he felt my scrutiny I turned
to note the room that too had its half mystic interest
Beside a cross of curiously carved old ivory yellow with time and sloped
above a darkred priedieu furnished duly with rich missal and ebon rosary
hung the picture whose dim outline had drawn my eyes before the picture which
moved fell away with the wall and let in phantoms Imperfectly seen I had
taken it for a Madonna revealed by clearer light it proved to be a womans
portrait in a nuns dress The face though not beautiful was pleasing pale
young and shaded with the dejection of grief or ill health I say again it was
not beautiful it was not even intellectual its very amiability was the
amiability of a weak frame inactive passions acquiescent habits yet I looked
long at that picture and could not choose but look
The old priest who at first had seemed to me so deaf and infirm must yet
have retained his faculties in tolerable preservation absorbed in his book as
he appeared without once lifting his head or as far as I knew turning his
eyes he perceived the point towards which my attention was drawn and in a
slow distinct voice dropped concerning it these four observations
»She was much beloved
She gave herself to God
She died young
She is still remembered still wept«
»By that aged lady Madame Walravens« I inquired fancying that I had
discovered in the incurable grief of bereavement a key to that same aged ladys
desperate illhumour
The father shook his head with half a smile
»No no« said he »a granddames affection for her childrens children may
be great and her sorrow for their loss lively but it is only the affianced
lover to whom Fate Faith and Death have trebly denied the bliss of union
who mourns what he has lost as Justine Marie is still mourned«
I thought the father rather wished to be questioned and therefore I
inquired who had lost and who still mourned »Justine Marie« I got in reply
quite a little romantic narrative told not unimpressively with the
accompaniment of the now subsiding storm I am bound to say it might have been
made much more truly impressive if there had been less French Rousseaulike
sentimentalizing and wiredrawing and rather more healthful carelessness of
effect But the worthy father was obviously a Frenchman born and bred I became
more and more persuaded of his resemblance to my confessor he was a true son
of Rome when he did lift his eyes he looked at me out of their corners with
more and sharper subtlety than one would have thought could survive the wear
and tear of seventy years Yet I believe he was a good old man
The hero of his tale was some former pupil of his whom he now called his
benefactor and who it appears had loved this pale Justine Marie the daughter
of rich parents at a time when his own worldly prospects were such as to
justify his aspiring to a welldowered hand The pupils father once a rich
banker had failed died and left behind him only debts and destitution The
son was then forbidden to think of Marie especially that old witch of a
granddame I had seen Madame Walravens opposed the match with all the violence
of a temper which deformity made sometimes demoniac The mild Marie had neither
the treachery to be false nor the force to be quite staunch to her lover she
gave up her first suitor but refusing to accept a second with a heavier purse
withdrew to a convent and there died in her noviciate
Lasting anguish it seems had taken possession of the faithful heart which
worshipped her and the truth of that love and grief had been shown in a manner
which touched even me as I listened
Some years after Justine Maries death ruin had come on her house too her
father by nominal calling a jeweller but who also dealt a good deal on the
Bourse had been concerned in some financial transactions which entailed
exposure and ruinous fines He died of grief for the loss and shame for the
infamy His old hunchbacked mother and his bereaved wife were left pennyless
and might have died too of want but their lost daughters oncedespised yet
most truehearted suitor hearing of the condition of these ladies came with
singular devotedness to the rescue He took on their insolent pride the revenge
of the purest charity housing caring for befriending them so as no son
could have done it more tenderly and efficiently The mother on the whole a
good woman died blessing him the strange godless loveless misanthrope
grandmother lived still entirely supported by this selfsacrificing man She
who had been the bane of his life blighting his hope and awarding him for
love and domestic happiness long mourning and cheerless solitude he treated
with the respect a good son might offer a kind mother He had brought her to
this house »and« continued the priest while genuine tears rose to his eyes
»here too he shelters me his old tutor and Agnes a superannuated servant of
his fathers family To our sustenance and to other charities I know he
devotes three parts of his income keeping only the fourth to provide himself
with bread and the most modest accommodations By this arrangement he has
rendered it impossible to himself ever to marry he has given himself to God and
to his angelbride as much as if he were a priest like me«
The father had wiped away his tears before he uttered these last words and
in pronouncing them he for one instant raised his eyes to mine I caught that
glance despite its veiled character the momentary gleam shot a meaning which
struck me
These Romanists are strange beings Such a one among them whom you know no
more than the last Inca of Peru or the first Emperor of China knows you and
all your concerns and has his reasons for saying to you so and so when you
simply thought the communication sprang impromptu from the instants impulse
his plan in bringing it about that you shall come on such a day to such a
place under such and such circumstances when the whole arrangement seems to
your crude apprehension the ordinance of chance or the sequel of exigency
Madame Becks suddenly recollected message and present my artless embassy to
the Place of the Magi the old priest accidentally descending the steps and
crossing the square his interposition on my behalf with the bonne who would
have sent me away his reappearance on the staircase my introduction to this
room the portrait the narrative so affably volunteered all these little
incidents taken as they fell out seemed each independent of its successor a
handful of loose beads but threaded through by that quickshot and crafty
glance of a Jesuiteye they dropped pendant in a long string like that rosary
on the priedieu Where lay the link of junction where the little clasp of this
monastic necklace I saw or felt union but could not yet find the spot or
detect the means of connection
Perhaps the musingfit into which I had by this time fallen appeared
somewhat suspicious in its abstraction he gently interrupted
»Mademoiselle« said he »I trust you have not far to go through these
inundated streets«
»More than half a league«
»You live «
»In the Rue Fossette«
»Not« with animation »not at the pensionnat of Madame Beck«
»The same«
»Donc« clapping his hands »donc vous devez connaître mon noble élève
mon Paul«
»Monsieur Paul Emanuel Professor of Literature«
»He and none other«
A brief silence fell The spring of junction seemed suddenly to have become
palpable I felt it yield to pressure
»Was it of M Paul you have been speaking« I presently inquired »Was he
your pupil and the benefactor of Madame Walravens«
»Yes and of Agnes the old servant and moreover« with a certain
emphasis »he was and is the lover true constant and eternal of that saint
in Heaven Justine Marie«
»And who father are you« I continued and though I accentuated the
question its utterance was wellnigh superfluous I was ere this quite prepared
for the answer which actually came
»I daughter am Père Silas that unworthy son of Holy Church whom you once
honoured with a noble and touching confidence showing me the core of a heart
and the inner shrine of a mind whereof in solemn truth I coveted the
direction in behalf of the only true faith Nor have I for a day lost sight of
you nor for an hour failed to take in you a rooted interest Passed under the
discipline of Rome moulded by her high training inoculated with her salutary
doctrines inspired by the zeal she alone gives I realize what then might be
your spiritual rank your practical value and I envy Heresy her prey«
This struck me as a special state of things I halfrealized myself in that
condition also passed under discipline moulded trained inoculated and so
on »Not so« thought I but I restrained deprecation and sat quietly enough
»I suppose M Paul does not live here« I resumed pursuing a theme which I
thought more to the purpose than any wild renegade dreams
»No he only comes occasionally to worship his beloved saint to make his
confession to me and to pay his respects to her he calls his mother His own
lodging consists but of two rooms he has no servant and yet he will not suffer
Madame Walravens to dispose of those splendid jewels with which you see her
adorned and in which she takes a puerile pride as the ornaments of her youth
and the last relics of her son the jewellers wealth«
»How often« murmured I to myself »has this man this M Emanuel seemed to
me to lack magnanimity in trifles yet how great he is in great things«
I own I did not reckon amongst the proofs of his greatness either the act
of confession or the saint
»How long is it since that lady died« I inquired looking at Justine Marie
»Twenty years She was somewhat older than M Emanuel he was then very
young for he is not now much beyond forty«
»Does he yet weep her«
»His heart will weep her always the essence of Emanuels nature is
constancy«
This was said with marked emphasis
And now the sun broke out pallid and waterish the rain yet fell but there
was no more tempest that hot firmament had cloven and poured out its
lightnings A longer delay would scarce leave daylight for my return so I rose
thanked the father for his hospitality and his tale was benignantly answered by
a »pax vobiscum« which I made kindly welcome because it seemed uttered with a
true benevolence but I liked less the mystic phrase accompanying it
»Daughter you shall be what you shall be« an oracle that made me shrug my
shoulders as soon as I had got outside the door Few of us know what we are to
come to certainly but for all that had happened yet I had good hopes of living
and dying a soberminded protestant there was a hollowness within and a
flourish around Holy Church which tempted me but moderately I went on my way
pondering many things Whatever Romanism may be there are good Romanists this
man Emanuel seemed of the best touched with superstition influenced by
priestcraft yet wondrous for fond faith for pious devotion for sacrifice of
self, for charity unbounded It remained to see how Rome by her agents handled
such qualities whether she cherished them for their own sake and for Gods or
put them out to usury and made booty of the interest
By the time I reached home it was sundown Goton had kindly saved me a
portion of dinner which indeed I needed She called me into the little cabinet
to partake of it and there Madame Beck soon made her appearance bringing me a
glass of wine
»Well« began she chuckling »and what sort of a reception did Madame
Walravens give you Elle est drôle nestce pas«
I told her what had passed delivering verbatim the courteous message with
which I had been charged
»Oh la singulière petite bossue« laughed she »Et figurezvous quelle me
déteste parcequelle me croit amoureuse de mon cousin Paul ce petit dévot qui
nose pas bouger à moins que son confesseur ne lui donne la permission Au
reste« she went on »if he wanted to marry ever so much soit moi soit une
autre he could not do it he has too large a family already on his hands Mère
Walravens Père Silas Dame Agnes and a whole troop of nameless paupers There
never was a man like him for laying on himself burdens greater than he can bear
voluntarily incurring needless responsibilities Besides he harbours a romantic
idea about some palefaced Marie Justine personnage assez niaise à ce que je
pense« such was Madames irreverent remark »who has been an angel in Heaven
or elsewhere this score of years and to whom he means to go free from all
earthly ties pure comme un lis à ce quil dit Oh you would laugh could you
but know half M Emanuels crotchets and eccentricities But I hinder you from
taking refreshment ma bonne meess which you must need eat your supper drink
your wine oubliez les anges les bossues et surtout les Professeurs et bon
soir«
Chapter XXXV
Fraternity
»Oubliez les Professeurs« So said Madame Beck Madame Beck was a wise woman
but she should not have uttered those words To do so was a mistake That night
she should have left me calm not excited indifferent not interested
isolated in my own estimation and that of others not connected even in idea
with this second person whom I was to forget
Forget him Ah they took a sage plan to make me forget him the wiseheads
They showed me how good he was they made of my dear little man a stainless
little hero And then they had prated about his manner of loving What means had
I before this day of being certain whether he could love at all or not
I had known him jealous suspicious I had seen about him certain
tendernesses fitfulnesses a softness which came like a warm air and a ruth
which passed like early dew dried in the heat of his irritabilities this was
all I had seen And they Père Silas and Modeste Maria Beck that these two
wrought in concert I could not doubt opened up the adytum of his heart shewed
me one grand love the child of this southern natures youth born so strong and
perfect that it had laughed at Death himself despised his mean rape of matter,
clung to immortal spirit and in victory and faith had watched beside a tomb
twenty years
This had been done not idly this was not a mere hollow indulgence of
sentiment he had proven his fidelity by the consecration of his best energies
to an unselfish purpose and attested it by limitless personal sacrifices for
those once dear to her he prized he had laid down vengeance and taken up a
cross
Now as for Justine Marie I knew what she was as well as if I had seen her
I knew she was well enough there were girls like here in Madame Becks school
phlegmatics pale slow inert but kindnatured neutral of evil
undistinguished for good
If she wore angels wings I knew whose poetfancy conferred them If her
forehead shone luminous with the reflex of a halo I knew in the fire of whose
irids that circlet of holy flame had generation
Was I then to be frightened by Justine Marie Was the picture of a pale
dead nun to rise an eternal barrier And what of the charities which absorbed
his worldly goods What of his heart sworn to virginity
Madame Beck Père Silas you should not have suggested these questions
They were at once the deepest puzzle the strongest obstruction and the keenest
stimulus I had ever felt For a week of nights and days I fell asleep I
dreamt and I woke upon these two questions In the whole world there was no
answer to them except where one dark little man stood sat walked lectured
under the headpiece of a bandit bonnetgrec and within the girth of a sorry
paletot much beinked and no little adust
After that visit to the Rue des Mages I did want to see him again I felt
as if knowing what I now knew his countenance would offer a page more lucid
more interesting than ever I felt a longing to trace in it the imprint of that
primitive devotedness the signs of that halfknightly halfsaintly chivalry
which the priests narrative imputed to his nature He had become my Christian
hero under that character I wanted to view him
Nor was opportunity slow to favour my new impressions underwent her test
the next day Yes I was granted an interview with my Christian hero an
interview not very heroic or sentimental or biblical but lively enough in its
way
About three oclock of the afternoon the peace of the first classe safely
established as it seemed under the serene sway of Madame Beck who in propria
persona was giving one of her orderly and useful lessons this peace I say
suffered a sudden fracture by the wild inburst of a paletot
Nobody at the moment was quieter than myself Eased of responsibility by
Madame Becks presence soothed by her uniform tones pleased and edified with
her clear exposition of the subject in hand for she taught well I sat bent
over my desk drawing that is copying an elaborate line engraving tediously
working up my copy to the finish of the original for that was my practical
notion of art and strange to say I took extreme pleasure in the labour and
could even produce curiously finical Chinese facsimiles of steel or mezzotint
plates things about as valuable as so many achievements in worstedwork but I
thought pretty well of them in those days
What was the matter My drawing my pencils my precious copy gathered into
one crushedup handful perished from before my sight I myself appeared to be
shaken or emptied out of my chair as a solitary and withered nutmeg might be
emptied out of a spicebox by an excited cook That chair and my desk seized
by the wild paletot one under each sleeve were borne afar in a second I
followed the furniture in two minutes they and I were fixed in the centre of
the grand salle a vast adjoining room seldom used save for dancing and choral
singinglessons fixed with an emphasis which seemed to prohibit the remotest
hope of our ever being permitted to stir thence again
Having partially collected my scared wits I found myself in the presence of
two men gentlemen I suppose I should say one dark the other light one
having a stiff halfmilitary air and wearing a braided surtout the other
partaking in garb and bearing more of the careless aspect of the student or
artist class both flourishing in full magnificence of moustaches whiskers and
imperial M Emanuel stood a little apart from these his countenance and eyes
expressed strong choler he held forth his hand with his tribune gesture
»Mademoiselle« said he »your business is to prove to these gentlemen that
I am no liar You will answer to the best of your ability such questions as
they shall put You will also write on such theme as they shall select In their
eyes it appears I hold the position of an unprincipled impostor I write
essays and with deliberate forgery sign to them my pupils names and boast
of them as their work You will disprove this charge«
Grand Ciel Here was the showtrial so long evaded come on me like a
thunderclap These two fine braided moustachioed sneering personages were
none other than dandy professors of the college Messieurs Boissec and
Rochemorte a pair of coldblooded fops and pedants sceptics and scoffers It
seems that M Paul had been rashly exhibiting something I had written
something he had never once praised or even mentioned in my hearing and which
I deemed forgotten The essay was not remarkable at all it only seemed
remarkable compared with the average productions of foreign schoolgirls in an
English establishment it would have passed scarce noticed Messrs Boissec and
Rochemorte had thought proper to question its genuineness and insinuate a
cheat I was now to bear my testimony to the truth and to be put to the torture
of their examination
A memorable scene ensued
They began with classics A dead blank They went on to French history I
hardly knew Mérovée from Pharamond They tried me in various ologies and still
only got a shake of the head and an unchanging »Je nen sais rien«
After an expressive pause they proceeded to matters of general information
broaching one or two subjects which I knew pretty well and on which I had often
reflected M Emanuel who had hitherto stood looking on dark as the
wintersolstice brightened up somewhat he thought I should now show myself at
least no fool
He learned his error Though answers to the questions surged up fast my
mind filling like a rising well ideas were there but not words I either could
not or would not speak I am not sure which partly I think my nerves had got
wrong and partly my humour was crossed
I heard one of my examiners he of the braided surtout whisper to his
coprofessor »Estelle donc idiote«
»Yes« I thought »an idiot she is and always will be for such as you«
But I suffered suffered cruelly I saw the damps gather on M Pauls brow
and his eye spoke a passionate yet sad reproach He would not believe in my
total lack of popular cleverness he thought I could be prompt if I would
At last to relieve him the professors and myself I stammered out
»Gentlemen you had better let me go you will get no good of me as you
say I am an idiot«
I wish I could have spoken with calm and dignity or I wish my sense had
sufficed to make me hold my tongue that traitor tongue tripped faltered
Beholding the judges cast on M Emanuel a hard look of triumph and hearing the
distressed tremor of my own voice out I burst in a fit of choking tears The
emotion was far more of anger than grief had I been a man and strong I could
have challenged that pair on the spot but it was emotion and I would rather
have been scourged than betrayed it
The incapables Could they not see at once the crude hand of a novice in
that composition they called a forgery The subject was classical When M Paul
dictated the trait on which the essay was to turn I heard it for the first
time the matter was new to me and I had no material for its treatment But I
got books read up the facts laboriously constructed a skeleton out of the dry
bones of the real and then clothed them and tried to breathe into them life
and in this last aim I had pleasure With me it was a difficult and anxious time
till my facts were found selected and properly jointed nor could I rest from
research and effort till I was satisfied of correct anatomy the strength of my
inward repugnance to the idea of flaw or falsity sometimes enabled me to shun
egregious blunders but the knowledge was not there in my head ready and
mellow it had not been sown in Spring grown in Summer harvested in Autumn
and garnered through Winter whatever I wanted I must go out and gather fresh
glean of wild herbs my lap full and shred them green into the pot Messieurs
Boissec and Rochemorte did not perceive this They mistook my work for the work
of a ripe scholar
They would not yet let me go I must sit down and write before them As I
dipped my pen in the ink with a shaking hand and surveyed the white paper with
eyes halfblinded and overflowing one of my judges began mincingly to apologize
for the pain he caused
»Nous agissons dans lintérêt de la verité Nous ne voulons pas vous
blesser« said he
Scorn gave me nerve I only answered
»Dictate Monsieur«
Rochemorte named this theme »Human Justice«
Human Justice What was I to make of it Blank cold abstraction
unsuggestive to me of one inspiring idea and there stood M Emanuel sad as
Saul and stern as Joab and there triumphed his accusers
At these two I looked I was gathering my courage to tell them that I would
neither write nor speak another word for their satisfaction that their theme
did not suit nor their presence inspire me and that notwithstanding whoever
threw the shadow of a doubt on M Emanuels honour outraged that truth of which
they had announced themselves the champions I meant to utter all this I say
when suddenly a light darted on memory
Those two faces looking out of the forest of long hair moustache and
whisker those two cold yet bold trustless yet presumptuous visages were the
same faces the very same that projected in full gaslight from behind the
pillars of a portico had half frightened me to death on the night of my
desolate arrival in Villette These I felt morally certain were the very
heroes who had driven a friendless foreigner beyond her reckoning and her
strength chased her breathless over a whole quarter of the town
»Pious mentors« thought I »Pure guides for youth If Human Justice were
what she ought to be you two would scarce hold your present post or enjoy your
present credit«
An idea once seized I fell to work Human Justice rushed before me in novel
guise a red random beldame with arms akimbo I saw her in her house the den
of confusion servants called to her for orders or help which she did not give
beggars stood at her door waiting and starving unnoticed a swarm of children
sick and quarrelsome crawled round her feet and yelled in her ears appeals for
notice sympathy cure redress The honest woman cared for none of these
things She had a warm seat of her own by the fire she had her own solace in a
short black pipe and a bottle of Mrs Sweenys soothing syrup she smoked and
she sipped and she enjoyed her paradise and whenever a cry of the suffering
souls about her pierced her ears too keenly my jolly dame seized the poker or
the hearthbrush if the offender was weak wronged and sickly she effectually
settled him if he was strong lively and violent she only menaced then
plunged her hand in her deep pouch and flung a liberal shower of sugarplums
Such was the sketch of Human Justice scratched hurriedly on paper and
placed at the service of Messrs Boissec and Rochemorte M Emanuel read it over
my shoulder Waiting no comment I curtsied to the trio and withdrew
After school that day M Paul and I again met Of course the meeting did
not at first run smooth there was a crow to pluck with him that forced
examination could not be immediately digested A crabbed dialogue terminated in
my being called »une petite moqueuse et sanscoeur« and in Monsieurs
temporary departure
Not wishing him to go quite away only desiring he should feel that such a
transport as he had that day given way to could not be indulged with perfect
impunity I was not sorry to see him soon after gardening in the berceau He
approached the glass door I drew near also We spoke of some flowers growing
round it Byandby Monsieur laid down his spade byandby he recommenced
conversation passed to other subjects and at last touched a point of interest
Conscious that his proceeding of that day was specially open to a charge of
extravagance M Paul half apologized he half regretted too the fitfulness of
his moods at all times yet he hinted that some allowance ought to be made for
him »But« said he »I can hardly expect it at your hands Miss Lucy you know
neither me nor my position nor my history«
His history I took up the word at once I pursued the idea
»No monsieur« I rejoined »Of course as you say I know neither your
history nor your position nor your sacrifices nor any of your sorrows or
trials or affections or fidelities Oh no I know nothing about you you are
for me altogether a stranger«
»Hein« he murmured arching his brows in surprise
»You know monsieur I only see you in classe stern dogmatic hasty
imperious I only hear of you in town as active and wilful quick to originate
hasty to lead but slow to persuade and hard to bend A man like you without
ties can have no attachments without dependents no duties All we with whom
you come in contact are machines which you thrust here and here inconsiderate
of their feelings You seek your recreations in public by the light of the
evening chandelier this school and yonder college are your workshops where you
fabricate the ware called pupils I dont so much as know where you live it is
natural to take it for granted that you have no home and need none«
»I am judged« said he »Your opinion of me is just what I thought it was
For you I am neither a man nor a Christian You see me void of affection and
religion unattached by friend or family unpiloted by principle or faith It is
well mademoiselle such is our reward in this life«
»You are a philosopher monsieur a cynic philosopher« and I looked at his
paletot of which he straightway brushed the dim sleeve with his hand
»despising the foibles of humanity above its luxuries independent of its
comforts«
»Et vous mademoiselle vous êtes proprette et douillette et affreusement
insensible pardessus le marché«
»But in short monsieur now I think of it you must live somewhere Do
tell me where and what establishment of servants do you keep«
With a fearful projection of the under lip implying an impetus of scorn the
most decided he broke out
»Je vis dans un trou I inhabit a den miss a cavern where you would not
put your dainty nose Once with base shame of speaking the whole truth I
talked about my study in that college know now that this study is my whole
abode my chamber is there and my drawingroom As for my establishment of
servants« mimicking my voice »they number ten les voilà«
And he grimly spread close under my eyes his ten fingers
»I black my boots« pursued he savagely »I brush my paletot«
»No monsieur it is too plain you never do that« was my parenthesis
»Je fais mon lit et mon ménage I seek my dinner in a restaurant my supper
takes care of itself; I pass days laborious and loveless nights long and
lonely I am ferocious and bearded and monkish and nothing now living in this
world loves me except some old hearts worn like my own and some few beings
impoverished suffering poor in purse and in spirit whom the kingdoms of this
world own not but to whom a will and testament not to be disputed has
bequeathed the kingdom of heaven«
»Ah monsieur but I know«
»What do you know many things I verily believe yet not me Lucy«
»I know that you have a pleasant old house in a pleasant old square of the
BasseVille why dont you go and live there«
»Hein« muttered he again
»I liked it much monsieur with the steps ascending to the door the gray
flags in front the nodding trees behind real trees not shrubs trees dark
high and of old growth And the boudoiroratoire you should make that room
your study it is so quiet and solemn«
He eyed me closely he halfsmiled halfcoloured »Where did you pick up
all that Who told you« he asked
»Nobody told me Did I dream it monsieur do you think«
»Can I enter into your visions Can I guess a womans waking thoughts much
less her sleeping fantasies«
»If I dreamt it I saw in my dream human beings as well as a house I saw a
priest old bent and gray and a domestic old too and picturesque and a
lady splendid but strange her head would scarce reach to my elbow her
magnificence might ransom a duke She wore a gown bright as lapislazuli a
shawl worth a thousand francs she was decked with ornaments so brilliant I
never saw any with such a beautiful sparkle but her figure looked as if it had
been broken in two and bent double she seemed also to have outlived the common
years of humanity and to have attained those which are only labour and sorrow
She was become morose almost malevolent yet somebody it appears cared for
her in her infirmities somebody forgave her trespasses hoping to have his
trespasses forgiven They lived together these three people the mistress the
chaplain the servant all old all feeble all sheltered under one kind wing«
He covered with his hand the upper part of his face but did not conceal his
mouth where I saw hovering an expression I liked
»I see you have entered into my secrets« said he »but how was it done«
So I told him how the commission on which I had been sent the storm which
had detained me the abruptness of the lady the kindness of the priest »As I
sat waiting for the rain to cease Père Silas whiled away the time with a
story« I said
»A story What story Père Silas is no romancist«
»Shall I tell monsieur the tale«
»Yes begin at the beginning Let me hear some of Miss Lucys French her
best or her worst I dont much care which let us have a good poignée of
barbarisms and a bounteous dose of the insular accent«
»Monsieur is not going to be gratified by a tale of ambitious proportions
and the spectacle of the narrator sticking fast in the midst But I will tell
him the title The Priests Pupil«
»Bah« said he the swarthy flush again dyeing his dark cheek »The good old
father could not have chosen a worse subject it is his weak point But what of
The Priests Pupil«
»Oh many things«
»You may as well define what things I mean to know«
»There was the pupils youth the pupils manhood his avarice his
ingratitude his implacability his inconstancy Such a bad pupil monsieur
so thankless coldhearted unchivalrous unforgiving«
»Et puis« said he taking a cigar
»Et puis« I pursued »he underwent calamities which one did not pity bore
them in a spirit one did not admire endured wrongs for which one felt no
sympathy finally took the unchristian revenge of heaping coals of fire on his
adversarys head«
»You have not told me all« said he
»Nearly all I think I have indicated the heads of Père Silass chapters«
»You have forgotten one that which touched on the pupils lack of
affection on his hard cold monkish heart«
»True I remember now Père Silas did say that his vocation was almost that
of a priest that his life was considered consecrated«
»By what bonds or duties«
»By the ties of the past and the charities of the present«
»You have then the whole situation«
»I have now told monsieur all that was told me«
Some meditative minutes passed
»Now Mademoiselle Lucy look at me and with that truth which I believe you
never knowingly violate answer me one question Raise your eyes rest them on
mine have no hesitation fear not to trust me I am a man to be trusted«
I raised my eyes
»Knowing me thoroughly now all my antecedents all my responsibilities
having long known my faults can you and I still be friends«
»If monsieur wants a friend in me I shall be glad to have a friend in him«
»But a close friend I mean intimate and real kindred in all but blood
Will Miss Lucy be the sister of a very poor fettered burdened encumbered
man«
I could not answer him in words yet I suppose I did answer him he took my
hand which found comfort in the shelter of his His friendship was not a
doubtful wavering benefit a cold distant hope a sentiment so brittle as
not to bear the weight of a finger I at once felt or thought I felt its
support like that of some rock
»When I talk of friendship I mean true friendship« he repeated
emphatically and I could hardly believe that words so earnest had blessed my
ear I hardly could credit the reality of that kind anxious look he gave If he
really wished for my confidence and regard and really would give me his why
it seemed to me that life could offer nothing more or better In that case I
was become strong and rich in a moment I was made substantially happy To
ascertain the fact to fix and seal it I asked
»Is monsieur quite serious Does he really think he needs me and can take
an interest in me as a sister«
»Surely surely« said he »a lonely man like me who has no sister must be
but too glad to find in some womans heart a sisters pure affection«
»And dare I rely on monsieurs regard Dare I speak to him when I am so
inclined«
»My little sister must make her own experiments« said he »I will give no
promises She must tease and try her wayward brother till she has drilled him
into what she wishes After all he is no inductile material in some hands«
While he spoke the tone of his voice the light of his now affectionate
eye gave me such a pleasure as certainly I had never felt I envied no girl
her lover no bride her bridegroom no wife her husband I was content with this
my voluntary selfoffering friend If he would but prove reliable and he
looked reliable what beyond his friendship could I ever covet But if all
melted like a dream as once before had happened
»Qu estce donc What is it« said he as this thought threw its weight on
my heart its shadow on my countenance I told him and after a moments pause
and a thoughtful smile he showed me how an equal fear lest I should weary of
him a man of moods so difficult and fitful had haunted his mind for more than
one day or one month
On hearing this a quiet courage cheered me I ventured a word of
reassurance That word was not only tolerated its repetition was courted I
grew quite happy strangely happy in making him secure content tranquil
Yesterday I could not have believed that earth held or life afforded moments
like the few I was now passing Countless times it had been my lot to watch
apprehended sorrow close darkly in but to see unhopedfor happiness take form
find place and grow more real as the seconds sped was indeed a new experience
»Lucy« said M Paul speaking low and still holding my hand »did you see a
picture in the boudoir of the old house«
»I did a picture painted on a panel«
»The portrait of a nun«
»Yes«
»You heard her history«
»Yes«
»You remember what we saw that night in the berceau«
»I shall never forget it«
»You did not connect the two ideas; that would be folly«
»I thought of the apparition when I saw the portrait« said I which was
true enough
»You did not nor will you fancy« pursued he »that a saint in Heaven
perturbs herself with rivalries of earth Protestants are rarely superstitious
these morbid fancies will not beset you«
»I know not what to think of this matter but I believe a perfectly natural
solution of this seeming mystery will one day be arrived at«
»Doubtless doubtless Besides no good living woman much less a pure
happy spirit would trouble amity like ours nestil pas vrai«
Ere I could answer Fifine Beck burst in rosy and abrupt calling out that
I was wanted Her mother was going into town to call on some English family who
had applied for a prospectus my services were needed as interpreter The
interruption was not unseasonable sufficient for the day is always the evil
for this hour its good sufficed Yet I should have liked to ask M Paul whether
the »morbid fancies« against which he warned me wrought in his own brain
Chapter XXXVI
The Apple of Discord
Besides Fifine Becks mother another power had a word to say to M Paul and me
before that covenant of friendship could be ratified We were under the
surveillance of a sleepless eye Rome watched jealously her son through that
mystic lattice at which I had knelt once and to which M Emanuel drew nigh
month by month the sliding panel of the confessional
»Why were you so glad to be friends with M Paul« asks the reader »Had he
not long been a friend to you Had he not given proof on proof of a certain
partiality in his feelings«
Yes he had but still I liked to hear him say so earnestly that he was my
close true friend I liked his modest doubts his tender deference that trust
which longed to rest and was grateful when taught how He had called me sister
It was well Yes he might call me what he pleased so long as he confided in
me I was willing to be his sister on condition that he did not invite me to
fill that relation to some future wife of his and tacitly vowed as he was to
celibacy of this dilemma there seemed little danger
Through most of the succeeding night I pondered that evenings interview I
wanted much the morning to break and then listened for the bell to ring and
after rising and dressing I deemed prayers and breakfast slow and all the
hours lingering till that arrived at last which brought the lesson of
literature My wish was to get a more thorough comprehension of this fraternal
alliance to note with how much of the brother he would demean himself when we
met again to prove how much of the sister was in my own feelings to discover
whether I could summon a sisters courage and he a brothers frankness
He came Life is so constructed that the event does not cannot will not
match the expectation That whole day he never accosted me His lesson was given
rather more quietly than usual more mildly and also more gravely He was
fatherly to his pupils but he was not brotherly to me Ere he left the classe
I expected a smile if not a word I got neither to my portion fell one nod
hurried shy
This distance I argued is accidental it is involuntary patience and it
will vanish It vanished not it continued for days it increased I suppressed
my surprise and swallowed whatever other feelings began to surge
Well might I ask when he offered fraternity »Dare I rely on you« Well
might he doubtless knowing himself withhold all pledge True he had bid me
make my own experiments tease and try him Vain injunction Privilege nominal
and unavailable Some women might use it Nothing in my powers or instinct
placed me amongst this brave band Left alone I was passive repulsed I
withdrew forgotten my lips would not utter nor my eyes dart a reminder It
seemed there had been an error somewhere in my calculations and I waited for
time to disclose it
But the day came when as usual he was to give me a lesson One evening in
seven he had long generously bestowed on me devoting it to the examination of
what had been done in various studies during the past week and to the
preparation of work for the week in prospect On these occasions my schoolroom
was anywhere wherever the pupils and the other teachers happened to be or in
their close vicinage very often in the large second division where it was easy
to choose a quiet nook when the crowding daypupils were absent and the few
boarders gathered in a knot about the surveillantes estrade
On the customary evening hearing the customary hour strike I collected my
books and papers my pen and ink and sought the large division
In classe there was no one and it lay all in cool deep shadow but through
the open double doors was seen the carré filled with pupils and with light
over hall and figures blushed the westering sun It blushed so ruddily and
vividly that the hues of the walls and the variegated tints of the dresses
seemed all fused in one warm glow The girls were seated working or studying
in the midst of their circle stood M Emanuel speaking goodhumouredly to a
teacher His dark paletot his jetty hair were tinged with many a reflex of
crimson his Spanish face when he turned it momentarily answered the suns
animated kiss with an animated smile I took my place at a desk
The orangetrees and several plants full and bright with bloom basked
also in the suns laughing bounty they had partaken it the whole day and now
asked water M Emanuel had a taste for gardening he liked to tend and foster
plants I used to think that working amongst shrubs with a spade or a
wateringpot soothed his nerves it was a recreation to which he often had
recourse and now he looked to the orangetrees the geraniums the gorgeous
cactuses and revived them all with the refreshment their drought needed His
lips meantime sustained his precious cigar that for him first necessary and
prime luxury of life its blue wreaths curled prettily enough amongst the
flowers and in the evening light He spoke no more to the pupils nor to the
mistresses but gave many an endearing word to a small spanieless if one may
coin a word that nominally belonged to the house but virtually owned him as
master being fonder of him than of any inmate A delicate silky loving and
loveable little doggie she was trotting at his side looking with expressive
attached eyes into his face and whenever he dropped his bonnetgrec or his
handkerchief which he occasionally did in play crouching beside it with the
air of a miniature lion guarding a kingdoms flag
There were many plants and as the amateur gardener fetched all the water
from the well in the court with his own active hands his work spun out to some
length The great schoolclock ticked on Another hour struck The carré and the
youthful group lost the illusion of sunset Day was drooping My lesson I
perceived must tonight be very short but the orangetrees the cacti the
camelias were all served now Was it my turn
Alas in the garden were more plants to be looked after favourite
rosebushes certain choice flowers little Sylvies glad bark and whine
followed the receding paletot down the alleys I put up some of my books I
should not want them all I sat and thought and waited involuntarily
deprecating the creeping invasion of twilight
Sylvie gaily frisking emerged into view once more heralding the returning
paletot the wateringpot was deposited beside the well it had fulfilled its
office how glad I was Monsieur washed his hands in a little stone bowl There
was no longer time for a lesson now ere long the prayerbell must ring but
still we should meet he would speak a chance would be offered of reading in
his eyes the riddle of his shyness His ablutions over he stood slowly
rearranging his cuffs looking at the horn of a young moon set pale in the
opal sky and glimmering faint on the oriel of Jean Baptiste Sylvie watched the
mood contemplative its stillness irked her she whined and jumped to break it
He looked down
»Petite exigeante« said he »you must not be forgotten one moment it
seems«
He stooped lifted her in his arms sauntered across the court within a
yard of the line of windows near one of which I sat he sauntered lingeringly
fondling the spaniel in his bosom calling her tender names in a tender voice
On the frontdoor steps he turned once again he looked at the moon at the gray
cathedral over the remoter spires and houseroofs fading into a blue sea of
nightmist he tasted the sweet breath of dusk and noted the folded bloom of
the garden he suddenly looked round a keen beam out of his eye rased the white
façade of the classes swept the long line of croisées I think he bowed if he
did I had no time to return the courtesy In a moment he was gone the moonlit
threshold lay pale and shadowless before the closed frontdoor
Gathering in my arms all that was spread on the desk before me I carried
back the unused heap to its place in the third classe The prayerbell rang I
obeyed its summons
The morrow would not restore him to the Rue Fossette that day being devoted
entirely to his college I got through my teaching I got over the intermediate
hours I saw evening approaching and armed myself for its heavy ennuis Whether
it was worse to stay with my coinmates or to sit alone I had not considered
I naturally took up the latter alternative if there was a hope of comfort for
any moment the heart or head of no human being in this house could yield it
only under the lid of my desk could it harbour nestling between the leaves of
some book gilding a pencilpoint the nib of a pen or tinging the black fluid
in that inkglass With a heavy heart I opened my desklid with a weary hand I
turned up its contents
One by one wellaccustomed books volumes sewn in familiar covers were
taken out and put back hopeless they had no charm they could not comfort Is
this something new this pamphlet in lilac I have not seen it before and I
rearranged my desk this very day this very afternoon the tract must have
been introduced within the last hour while we were at dinner
I opened it What was it What would it say to me
It was neither tale nor poem neither essay nor history it neither sung
nor related nor discussed It was a theological work it preached and it
persuaded
I lent to it my ear very willingly for small as it was it possessed its
own spell and bound my attention at once It preached Romanism it persuaded to
conversion The voice of that sly little book was a honied voice its accents
were all unction and balm Here roared no utterance of Romes thunders no
blasting of the breath of her displeasure The Protestant was to turn Papist
not so much in fear of the heretics hell as on account of the comfort the
indulgence the tenderness Holy Church offered far be it from her to threaten
or to coerce her wish was to guide and win She persecute Oh dear no not on
any account
This meek volume was not addressed to the hardened and worldly it was not
even strong meat for the strong it was milk for babes the mild effluence of a
mothers love towards her tenderest and her youngest intended wholly and solely
for those whose head is to be reached through the heart Its appeal was not to
intellect it sought to win the affectionate through their affections the
sympathizing through their sympathies St Vincent de Paul gathering his orphans
about him never spoke more sweetly
I remember one capital inducement to apostacy was held out in the fact that
a Catholic who had lost dear friends by death could enjoy the unspeakable solace
of praying them out of purgatory The writer did not touch on the firmer peace
of those whose belief dispenses with purgatory altogether but I thought of
this and on the whole preferred the latter doctrine as the most consolatory
The little book amused and did not painfully displease me It was a
canting sentimental shallow little book yet something about it cheered my
gloom and made me smile I was amused with the gambols of this unlicked wolfcub
muffled in the fleece and mimicking the bleat of a guileless lamb Portions of
it reminded me of certain Wesleyan Methodist tracts I had once read when a
child they were flavoured with about the same seasoning of excitation to
fanaticism He that had written it was no bad man and while perpetually
betraying the trained cunning the cloven hoof of his system I should pause
before accusing himself of insincerity His judgment however wanted surgical
props it was ricketty
I smiled then over this dose of maternal tenderness coming from the ruddy
old lady of the Seven Hills smiled too at my own disinclination not to say
disability to meet these melting favours Glancing at the titlepage I found
the name of »Père Silas« A flyleaf bore in small but clear and wellknown
pencil characters »From PCDE to Ly« And when I saw this I laughed but
not in my former spirit I was revived
A mortal bewilderment cleared suddenly from my head and vision the solution
of the Sphynxriddle was won the conjunction of those two names Père Silas and
Paul Emanuel gave the key to all The penitent had been with his director
permitted to withhold nothing suffered to keep no corner of his heart sacred to
God and to himself the whole narrative of our late interview had been drawn
from him he had avowed the covenant of fraternity and spoken of his adopted
sister How could such covenant such adoption be sanctioned by the Church
Fraternal communion with a heretic I seemed to hear Père Silas annulling the
unholy pact warning his penitent of its perils entreating enjoining reserve
nay by the authority of his office and in the name and by the memory of all
M Emanuel held most dear and sacred commanding the enforcement of that new
system whose frost had pierced to the marrow of my bones
These may not seem pleasant hypotheses yet by comparison they were
welcome The vision of a ghostly troubler hovering in the background was as
nothing matched with the fear of spontaneous change arising in M Paul himself
At this distance of time I cannot be sure how far the above conjectures
were selfsuggested or in what measure they owed their origin and confirmation
to another quarter Help was not wanting
This evening there was no bright sunset west and east were one cloud no
summer nightmist blue yet rosetinged softened the distance a clammy fog
from the marshes crept gray round Villette Tonight the wateringpot might rest
in its niche by the well a small rain had been drizzling all the afternoon and
still it fell fast and quietly This was no weather for rambling in the wet
alleys under the dripping trees and I started to hear Sylvies sudden bark in
the garden her bark of welcome Surely she was not accompanied and yet this
glad quick bark was never uttered save in homage to one presence
Through the glassdoor and the arching berceau I commanded the deep vista
of the allée défendue thither rushed Sylvie glistening through its gloom like
a white guelderrose She ran to and fro whining springing harassing little
birds amongst the bushes I watched five minutes no fulfilment followed the
omen I returned to my books Sylvies sharp bark suddenly ceased Again I
looked up She was standing not many yards distant wagging her white feathery
tail as fast as the muscle would work and intently watching the operations of a
spade plied fast by an indefatigable hand There was M Emanuel bent over the
soil digging in the wet mould amongst the rainladen and streaming shrubs
working as hard as if his days pittance were yet to earn by the literal sweat
of his brow
In this sign I read a ruffled mood He would dig thus in frozen snow on the
coldest winter day when urged inwardly by painful emotion whether of nervous
excitation or sad thoughts or selfreproach He would dig by the hour with
knit brow and set teeth nor once lift his head or open his lips
Sylvie watched till she was tired Again scampering devious bounding here
rushing there snuffing and sniffing everywhere she at last discovered me in
classe Instantly she flew barking at the panes as if to urge me forth to share
her pleasure or her masters toil she had seen me occasionally walking in that
alley with M Paul and I doubt not considered it my duty to join him now wet
as it was
She made such a bustle that M Paul at last looked up and of course
perceived why and at whom she barked He whistled to call her off she only
barked the louder She seemed quite bent upon having the glassdoor opened
Tired I suppose with her importunity he threw down his spade approached and
pushed the door ajar Sylvie burst in all impetuous sprang to my lap and with
her paws at my neck and her little nose and tongue somewhat overpoweringly busy
about my face mouth and eyes flourished her bushy tail over the desk and
scattered books and papers far and wide
M Emanuel advanced to still the clamour and repair the disarrangement
Having gathered up the books he captured Sylvie and stowed her away under his
paletot where she nestled as quiet as a mouse her head just peeping forth She
was very tiny and had the prettiest little innocent face the silkiest long
ears the finest dark eyes in the world I never saw her but I thought of
Paulina de Bassompierre forgive the association reader it would occur
M Paul petted and patted her the endearments she received were not to be
wondered at she invited affection by her beauty and her vivacious life
While caressing the spaniel his eye roved over the papers and books just
replaced it settled on the religious tract His lips moved he halfchecked the
impulse to speak What had he promised never to address me more If so his
better nature pronounced the vow »more honoured in the breach than in the
observance« for with a second effort he spoke
»You have not yet read the brochure I presume It is not sufficiently
inviting«
I replied that I had read it
He waited as if wishing me to give an opinion upon it unasked Unasked
however I was in no mood to do or say anything If any concessions were to be
made if any advances were demanded that was the affair of the very docile
pupil of Père Silas not mine His eye settled upon me gently there was
mildness at the moment in its blue ray there was solicitude a shade of
pathos there were meanings composite and contrasted reproach melting into
remorse At the moment probably he would have been glad to see something
emotional in me I could not show it In another minute however I should have
betrayed confusion had I not bethought myself to take some quillpens from my
desk and begin soberly to mind them
I knew that action would give a turn to his mood He never liked to see me
mend pens my knife was always dulledged my hand too was unskilful hacked
and chipped On this occasion I cut my own finger half on purpose I wanted to
restore him to his natural state to set him at his ease to get him to chide
»Maladroite« he cried at last »she will make mincemeat of her hands«
He put Sylvie down making her lie quiet beside his bonnetgrec and
depriving me of the pens and penknife proceeded to slice nib and point with
the accuracy and celerity of a machine
»Did I like the little book« he now inquired
Suppressing a yawn I said I hardly knew
»Had it moved me«
»I thought it had made me a little sleepy«
After a pause »Allons donc It was of no use taking that tone with him
Bad as I was and he should be sorry to have to name all my faults at a breath
God and nature had given me trop de sensibilité et de sympathie not to be
profoundly affected by an appeal so touching«
»Indeed« I responded rousing myself quickly »I was not affected at all
not a whit«
And in proof I drew from my pocket a perfectly dry handkerchief still
clean and in its folds
Hereupon I was made the object of a string of strictures rather piquant than
polite I listened with zest After those two days of unnatural silence it was
better than music to hear M Paul haranguing again just in his old fashion I
listened and meantime solaced myself and Sylvie with the contents of a
bonbonnière which M Emanuels gifts kept well supplied with chocolate comfits
It pleased him to see even a small matter from his hand duly appreciated He
looked at me and the spaniel while we shared the spoil he put up his penknife
Touching my hand with the bundle of newcut quills he said
»Dîtesdonc petite soeur speak frankly what have you thought of me
during the last two days«
But of this question I would take no manner of notice its purport made my
eyes fill I caressed Sylvie assiduously M Paul leaning over the desk bent
towards us
»I called myself your brother« he said »I hardly know what I am brother
friend I cannot tell I know I think of you I feel I wish you well but I
must check myself you are to be feared My best friends point out danger and
whisper caution«
»You do right to listen to your friends By all means be cautious«
»It is your religion your strange selfreliant invulnerable creed whose
influence seems to clothe you in I know not what unblessed panoply You are
good Père Silas calls you good and loves you but your terrible proud
earnest Protestantism there is the danger It expresses itself by your eye at
times and again it gives you certain tones and certain gestures that make my
flesh creep You are not demonstrative and yet just now when you handled
that tract my God I thought Lucifer smiled«
»Certainly I dont respect that tract what then«
»Not respect that tract But it is the pure essence of faith love charity
I thought it would touch you in its gentleness I trusted that it could not
fail I laid it in your desk with a prayer I must indeed be a sinner Heaven
will not hear the petitions that come warmest from my heart You scorn my little
offering Oh cela me fait mal«
»Monsieur I dont scorn it at least not as your gift Monsieur sit
down listen to me I am not a heathen I am not hardhearted I am not
unchristian I am not dangerous as they tell you I would not trouble your
faith you believe in God and Christ and the Bible and so do I«
»But do you believe in the Bible Do you receive Revelation What limits are
there to the wild careless daring of your country and sect Père Silas dropped
dark hints«
By dint of persuasion I made him halfdefine these hints they amounted to
crafty Jesuitslanders That night M Paul and I talked seriously and closely
He pleaded he argued I could not argue a fortunate incapacity it needed but
triumphant logical opposition to effect all the director wished to be effected
but I could talk in my own way the way M Paul was used to and of which he
could follow the meanderings and fill the hiatus and pardon the strange
stammerings strange to him no longer At ease with him I could defend my creed
and faith in my own fashion in some degree I could lull his prejudices He was
not satisfied when he went away hardly was he appeased but he was made
thoroughly to feel that Protestants were not necessarily the irreverent Pagans
his director had insinuated he was made to comprehend something of their mode
of honouring the Light the Life the Word he was enabled partly to perceive
that while their veneration for things venerable was not quite like that
cultivated in his Church it had its own, perhaps deeper power its own more
solemn awe
I found that Père Silas himself I must repeat not a bad man though the
advocate of a bad cause had darkly stigmatized Protestants in general and
myself by inference with strange names had ascribed to us strange isms
Monsieur Emanuel revealed all this in his frank fashion which knew not
secretiveness looking at me as he spoke with a kind earnest fear almost
trembling lest there should be truth in the charges Père Silas it seems had
closely watched me had ascertained that I went by turns and indiscriminately
to the three Protestant Chapels of Villette the French German and English
id est the Presbyterian Lutheran Episcopalian Such liberality argued in the
Fathers eyes profound indifference who tolerates all he reasoned can be
attached to none Now it happened that I had often secretly wondered at the
minute and unimportant character of the differences between these three sects
at the unity and identity of their vital doctrines I saw nothing to hinder them
from being one day fused into one grand Holy Alliance and I respected them all
though I thought that in each there were faults of form incumbrances and
trivialities Just what I thought that did I tell M Emanuel and explained to
him that my own last appeal the guide to which I looked and the teacher which
I owned must always be the Bible itself rather than any sect of whatever name
or nation
He left me soothed yet full of solicitude breathing a wish as strong as a
prayer that if I were wrong Heaven would lead me right I heard poured forth
on the threshold some fervid murmurings to »Marie Reine du Ciel« some deep
aspiration that his hope might yet be mine
Strange I had no such feverish wish to turn him from the faith of his
fathers I thought Romanism wrong a great mixed image of gold and clay but it
seemed to me that this Romanist held the purer elements of his creed with an
innocency of heart which God must love
The preceding conversation passed between eight and nine oclock of the
evening in a schoolroom of the quiet Rue Fossette opening on a sequestered
garden Probably about the same or a somewhat later hour of the succeeding
evening its echoes collected by holy obedience were breathed verbatim in an
attent ear at the panel of a confessional in the hoary church of the Magi It
ensued that Père Silas paid a visit to Madame Beck and stirred by I know not
what mixture of motives persuaded her to let him undertake for a time the
heretic Englishwomans spiritual direction
Hereupon I was put through a course of reading that is I just glanced at
the books lent me they were too little in my way to be thoroughly read marked
learned or inwardly digested And besides I had a book upstairs under my
pillow whereof certain chapters satisfied my needs in the article of spiritual
lore furnishing such precept and example as to my hearts core I was
convinced could not be improved on
Then Père Silas showed me the fair side of Rome her good works and bade me
judge the tree by its fruits
In answer I felt and I avowed that these works were not the fruits of Rome
they were but her abundant blossoming but the fair promise she showed the
world That bloom when set savoured not of charity the apple fullformed was
ignorance abasement and bigotry Out of mens afflictions and affections were
forged the rivets of their servitude Poverty was fed and clothed and
sheltered to bind it by obligation to the Church orphanage was reared and
educated that it might grow up in the fold of the Church sickness was tended
that it might die after the formula and in the ordinance of the Church and men
were overwrought and women most murderously sacrificed and all laid down a
world God made pleasant for his creatures good and took up a cross monstrous
in its galling weight that they might serve Rome prove her sanctity confirm
her power and spread the reign of her tyrant Church
For mans good was little done for Gods glory less A thousand ways were
opened with pain with bloodsweats with lavishing of life mountains were
cloven through their breasts and rocks were split to their base and all for
what That a Priesthood might march straight on and straight upward to an
alldominating eminence whence they might at last stretch the sceptre of their
Moloch Church
It will not be God is not with Rome and were human sorrows still for the
Son of God would he not mourn over her cruelties and ambitions as once he
mourned over the crimes and woes of doomed Jerusalem
Oh lovers of power Oh mitred aspirants for this worlds kingdoms an hour
will come even to you when it will be well for your hearts pausing faint at
each broken beat that there is a Mercy beyond human compassions a Love
stronger than this strong death which even you must face and before it fall a
Charity more potent than any sin even yours a Pity which redeems worlds nay
absolves Priests
My third temptation was held out in the pomp of Rome the glory of her kingdom
I was taken to the churches on solemn occasions days of fête and state I was
shown the Papal ritual and ceremonial I looked at it
Many people men and women no doubt far my superiors in a thousand ways
have felt this display impressive have declared that though their Reason
protested their Imagination was subjugated I cannot say the same Neither full
procession nor high mass nor swarming tapers nor swinging censers nor
ecclesiastical millinery nor celestial jewellery touched my imagination a
whit What I saw struck me as tawdry not grand as grossly material not
poetically spiritual
This I did not tell Père Silas he was old he looked venerable through
every abortive experiment under every repeated disappointment he remained
personally kind to me and I felt tender of hurting his feelings But on the
evening of a certain day when from the balcony of a great house I had been
made to witness a huge mingled procession of the church and the army priests
with relics and soldiers with weapons an obese and aged archbishop habited in
cambric and lace looking strangely like a gray daw in birdofparadise plumage
and a band of young girls fantastically robed and garlanded then I spoke my
mind to M Paul
»I did not like it« I told him »I did not respect such ceremonies I
wished to see no more«
And having relieved my conscience by this declaration I was able to go on
and speaking more currently and clearly than my wont to show him that I had a
mind to keep to my reformed creed that the more I saw of Popery the closer I
clung to Protestantism doubtless there were errors in every Church but I now
perceived by contrast how severely pure was my own compared with her whose
painted and meretricious face had been unveiled for my admiration I told him
how we kept fewer forms between us and God retaining indeed no more than
perhaps the nature of mankind in the mass rendered necessary for due
observance I told him I could not look on flowers and tinsel on waxlights and
embroidery at such times and under such circumstances as should be devoted to
lifting the secret vision to Him whose home is Infinity and his being
Eternity That when I thought of sin and sorrow of earthly corruption mortal
depravity weighty temporal woe I could not care for chanting priests or
mumming officials that when the pains of existence and the terrors of
dissolution pressed before me when the mighty hope and measureless doubt of
the future arose in view then even the scientific strain or the prayer in a
language learned and dead harassed with hindrance a heart which only longed to
cry
»God be merciful to me a sinner«
When I had so spoken so declared my faith and so widely severed myself
from him I addressed then at last came a tone accordant an echo responsive
one sweet chord of harmony in two conflicting spirits
»Whatever say priests or controversialists« murmured M Emanuel »God is
good and loves all the sincere Believe then what you can believe it as you
can one prayer at least we have in common I also cry O Dieu sois appaisé
envers moi qui suis pécheur«
He leaned on the back of my chair After some thought he again spoke
»How seem in the eyes of that God who made all firmaments from whose
nostrils issued whatever of life is here or in the stars shining yonder how
seem the differences of man But as Time is not for God nor Space so neither
is Measure nor Comparison We abase ourselves in our littleness and we do
right yet it may be that the constancy of one heart the truth and faith of one
mind according to the light He has appointed import as much to Him as the just
motion of satellites about their planets of planets about their suns of suns
around that mighty unseen centre incomprehensible irrealizable with strange
mental effort only divined
God guide us all God bless you Lucy«
Chapter XXXVII
Sunshine
It was very well for Paulina to decline further correspondence with Graham till
her father had sanctioned the intercourse but Dr Bretton could not live within
a league of the Hotel Crécy and not contrive to visit there often Both lovers
meant at first I believe to be distant they kept their intention so far as
demonstrative courtship went but in feeling they soon drew very near
All that was best in Graham sought Paulina whatever in him was noble
awoke and grew in her presence With his past admiration of Miss Fanshawe I
suppose his intellect had little to do but his whole intellect and his highest
tastes came in question now These like all his faculties were active eager
for nutriment and alive to gratification when it came
I cannot say that Paulina designedly led him to talk of books or formally
proposed to herself for a moment the task of winning him to reflection or
planned the improvement of his mind or so much as fancied his mind could in any
one respect be improved She thought him very perfect it was Graham himself
who at first by the merest chance mentioned some book he had been reading and
when in her response sounded a welcome harmony of sympathies something
pleasant to his soul he talked on more and better perhaps than he had ever
talked before on such subjects She listened with delight and answered with
animation In each successive answer Graham heard a music waxing finer and
finer to his sense in each he found a suggestive persuasive magic accent that
opened a scarce known treasurehouse within showed him unsuspected power in his
own mind and what was better latent goodness in his heart Each liked the way
in which the other talked the voice the diction the expression pleased each
keenly relished the flavour of the others wit they met each others meaning
with strange quickness their thoughts often matched like carefullychosen
pearls Graham had wealth of mirth by nature Paulina possessed no such inherent
flow of animal spirits unstimulated she inclined to be thoughtful and pensive
but now she seemed merry as a lark in her lovers genial presence she
glanced like some soft glad light How beautiful she grew in her happiness I
can hardly express but I wondered to see her As to that gentle ice of hers
that reserve on which she had depended where was it now Ah Graham would not
long bear it he brought with him a generous influence that soon thawed the
timid selfimposed restriction
Now were the old Bretton days talked over perhaps brokenly at first with a
sort of smiling diffidence then with opening candour and still growing
confidence Graham had made for himself a better opportunity than that he had
wished me to give he had earned independence of the collateral help that
disobliging Lucy had refused all his reminiscences of little Polly found their
proper expression in his own pleasant tones by his own kind and handsome lips
how much better than if suggested by me
More than once when we were alone Paulina would tell me how wonderful and
curious it was to discover the richness and accuracy of his memory in this
matter How while he was looking at her recollections would seem to be
suddenly quickened in his mind He reminded her that she had once gathered his
head in her arms caressed his leonine graces and cried out »Graham I do like
you« He told her how she would set a footstool beside him and climb by its aid
to his knee At this day he said he could recall the sensation of her little
hands smoothing his cheek or burying themselves in his thick mane He
remembered the touch of her small forefinger placed half tremblingly half
curiously in the cleft in his chin the lisp the look with which she would
name it »a pretty dimple« then seek his eyes and question why they pierced so
telling him he had a »nice strange face far nicer far stranger than either
his mama or Lucy Snowe«
»Child as I was« remarked Paulina »I wonder how I dared be so venturous
To me he seems now all sacred his locks are inaccessible and Lucy I feel a
sort of fear when I look at his firm marble chin at his straight Greek
features Women are called beautiful Lucy he is not like a woman therefore I
suppose he is not beautiful but what is he then Do other people see him with
my eyes Do you admire him«
»Ill tell you what I do Paulina« was once my answer to her many
questions »I never see him I looked at him twice or thrice about a year ago
before he recognized me and then I shut my eyes and if he were to cross their
balls twelve times between each days sunset and sunrise except from memory I
should hardly know what shape had gone by«
»Lucy what do you mean« said she under her breath
»I mean that I value vision and dread being struck stone blind« It was
best to answer her strongly at once and to silence for ever the tender
passionate confidences which left her lips sweet honey and sometimes dropped
in my ear molten lead To me she commented no more on her lovers beauty
Yet speak of him she would sometimes shyly in quiet brief phrases
sometimes with a tenderness of cadence and music of voice exquisite in itself,
but which chafed me at times miserably and then I know I gave her stern looks
and words but cloudless happiness had dazzled her native clear sight and she
only thought Lucy fitful
»Spartan girl Proud Lucy« she would say smiling at me »Graham says you
are the most peculiar capricious little woman he knows but yet you are
excellent we both think so«
»You both think you know not what« said I »Have the goodness to make me as
little the subject of your mutual talk and thoughts as possible I have my sort
of life apart from yours«
»But ours Lucy is a beautiful life or it will be and you shall share
it«
»I shall share no mans or womans life in this world as you understand
sharing I think I have one friend of my own but am not sure and till I am
sure I live solitary«
»But solitude is sadness«
»Yes it is sadness Life however has worse than that Deeper than
melancholy lies heartbreak«
»Lucy I wonder if anybody will ever comprehend you altogether«
There is in lovers a certain infatuation of egotism they will have a
witness of their happiness cost that witness what it may Paulina had forbidden
letters yet Dr Bretton wrote she had resolved against correspondence yet she
answered were it only to chide She showed me these letters with something of
the spoiled childs wilfulness and of the heiresss imperiousness she made me
read them As I read Grahams I scarce wondered at her exaction and understood
her pride they were fine letters manly and fond modest and gallant Hers
must have appeared to him beautiful They had not been written to show her
talents still less I think to express her love On the contrary it appeared
that she had proposed to herself the task of hiding that feeling and bridling
her lovers ardour But how could such letters serve such a purpose Graham was
become dear as her life he drew her like a powerful magnet For her there was
influence unspeakable in all he uttered wrote thought or looked With this
unconfessed confession her letters glowed it kindled them from greeting to
adieu
»I wish papa knew I do wish papa knew« began now to be her anxious murmur
»I wish and yet I fear I can hardly keep Graham back from telling him There
is nothing I long for more than to have this affair settled to speak out
candidly and yet I dread the crisis I know I am certain papa will be angry
at the first I fear he will dislike me almost it will seem to him an untoward
business it will be a surprise a shock I can hardly foresee its whole effect
on him«
The fact was her father long calm was beginning to be a little stirred
long blind on one point an importunate light was beginning to trespass on his
eye
To her he said nothing but when she was not looking at or perhaps
thinking of him I saw him gaze and meditate on her
One evening Paulina was in her dressingroom writing I believe to
Graham she had left me in the library reading M de Bassompierre came in he
sat down I was about to withdraw he requested me to remain gently yet in a
manner which showed he wished compliance He had taken his seat near the window
at a distance from me he opened a desk he took from it what looked like a
memorandumbook of this book he studied a certain entry for several minutes
»Miss Snowe« said he laying it down »do you know my little girls age«
»About eighteen is it not sir«
»It seems so This old pocketbook tells me she was born on the 5th of May
in the year 18 eighteen years ago It is strange I had lost the just
reckoning of her age I thought of her as twelve fourteen an indefinite
date but she seemed a child«
»She is about eighteen« I repeated »She is grown up she will be no
taller«
»My little jewel« said M de Bassompierre in a tone which penetrated like
some of his daughters accents
He sat very thoughtful
»Sir dont grieve« I said for I knew his feelings utterly unspoken as
they were
»She is the only pearl I have« he said »and now others will find out that
she is pure and of price they will covet her«
I made no answer Graham Bretton had dined with us that day he had shone
both in converse and looks I know not what pride of bloom embellished his
aspect and mellowed his intercourse Under the stimulus of a high hope
something had unfolded in his whole manner which compelled attention I think he
had purposed on that day to indicate the origin of his endeavours and the aim
of his ambition M de Bassompierre had found himself forced in a manner to
descry the direction and catch the character of his homage Slow in remarking
he was logical in reasoning having once seized the thread it had guided him
through a long labyrinth
»Where is she« he asked
»She is upstairs«
»What is she doing«
»She is writing«
»She writes does she Does she receive letters«
»None but such as she can show me And sir she they have long wanted
to consult you«
»Pshaw They dont think of me an old father I am in the way«
»Ah M de Bassompierre not so that cant be But Paulina must speak for
herself and Dr Bretton too must be his own advocate«
»It is a little late Matters are advanced it seems«
»Sir till you approve nothing is done only they love each other«
»Only« he echoed
Invested by fate with the part of confidante and mediator I was obliged to
go on
»Hundreds of times has Dr Bretton been on the point of appealing to you
sir but with all his high courage he fears you mortally«
»He may well he may well fear me He has touched the best thing I have
Had he but let her alone she would have remained a child for years yet So Are
they engaged«
»They could not become engaged without your permission«
»It is well for you Miss Snowe to talk and think with that propriety which
always characterizes you but this matter is a grief to me my little girl was
all I had I have no more daughters and no son Bretton might as well have
looked elsewhere there are scores of rich and pretty women who would not I
daresay dislike him he has looks and conduct and connection Would nothing
serve him but my Polly«
»If he had never seen your Polly others might and would have pleased him
your niece Miss Fanshawe for instance«
»Ah I would have given him Ginevra with all my heart but Polly I cant
let him have her No I cant He is not her equal« he affirmed rather
gruffly »In what particular is he her match They talk of fortune I am not an
avaricious or interested man but the world thinks of these things and Polly
will be rich«
»Yes that is known« said I »all Villette knows her as an heiress«
»Do they talk of my little girl in that light«
»They do sir«
He fell into deep thought I ventured to say
»Would you sir think any one Paulinas match Would you prefer any other
to Dr Bretton Do you think higher rank or more wealth would make much
difference in your feelings towards a future soninlaw«
»You touch me there« said he
»Look at the aristocracy of Villette you would not like them sir«
»I should not never a duc baron or vicomte of the lot«
»I am told many of these persons think about her sir« I went on gaining
courage on finding that I met attention rather than repulse »Other suitors will
come therefore if Dr Bretton is refused Wherever you go I suppose
aspirants will not be wanting Independent of heiressship it appears to me
that Paulina charms most of those who see her«
»Does she How My little girl is not thought a beauty«
»Sir Miss de Bassompierre is very beautiful«
»Nonsense begging your pardon Miss Snowe but I think you are too
partial I like Polly I like all her ways and all her looks but then I am her
father and even I never thought about beauty She is amusing fairylike
interesting to me you must be mistaken in supposing her handsome«
»She attracts sir she would attract without the advantages of your wealth
and position«
»My wealth and position Are these any bait to Graham If I thought so «
»Dr Bretton knows these points perfectly as you may be sure M de
Bassompierre and values them as any gentleman would as you would yourself
under the same circumstances but they are not his baits He loves your
daughter very much he feels her finest qualities and they influence him
worthily«
»What has my little pet fine qualities«
»Ah sir did you observe her that evening when so many men of eminence and
learning dined here«
»I certainly was rather struck and surprised with her manner that day its
womanliness made me smile«
»And did you see those accomplished Frenchmen gather round her in the
drawingroom«
»I did but I thought it was by way of relaxation as one might amuse ones
self with a pretty infant«
»Sir she demeaned herself with distinction and I heard the French
gentlemen say she was pétrie desprit et de graces Dr Bretton thought the
same«
»She is a good dear child that is certain and I do believe she has some
character When I think of it I was once ill Polly nursed me they thought I
should die she I recollect grew at once stronger and tenderer as I grew worse
in health And as I recovered what a sunbeam she was in my sickroom Yes she
played about my chair as noiselessly and as cheerful as light And now she is
sought in marriage I dont want to part with her« said he and he groaned
»You have known Dr and Mrs Bretton so long« I suggested »it would be
less like separation to give her to him than to another«
He reflected rather gloomily
»True I have long known Louisa Bretton« he murmured »She and I are indeed
old old friends a sweet kind girl she was when she was young You talk of
beauty Miss Snowe she was handsome if you will tall straight and blooming
not the mere child or elf my Polly seems to me at eighteen Louisa had a
carriage and stature fit for a princess She is a comely and a good woman now
The lad is like her I have always thought so and favoured and wished him well
Now he repays me by this robbery My little treasure used to love her old father
dearly and truly It is all over now doubtless I am an incumbrance«
The door opened his little treasure came in She was dressed so to speak
in evening beauty that animation which sometimes comes with the close of day
warmed her eye and cheek a tinge of summer crimson heightened her complexion
her curls fell full and long on her lily neck her white dress suited the heat
of June Thinking me alone she had brought in her hand the letter just written
brought it folded but unsealed I was to read it When she saw her father her
tripping step faltered a little paused a moment the colour in her cheek
flowed rosy over her whole face
»Polly« said M de Bassompierre in a low voice with a grave smile »do
you blush at seeing papa That is something new«
»I dont blush I never do blush« affirmed she while another eddy from
the heart sent up its scarlet »But I thought you were in the diningroom and I
wanted Lucy«
»You thought I was with John Graham Bretton I suppose But he has just been
called out he will be back soon Polly He can post your letter for you it
will save Matthieu a course as he calls it«
»I dont post letters« said she rather pettishly
»What do you do with them then come here and tell me«
Both her mind and gesture seemed to hesitate a second to say »Shall I
come« but she approached
»How long is it since you became a letterwriter Polly It only seems
yesterday when you were at your pothooks labouring away absolutely with both
hands at the pen«
»Papa they are not letters to send to the post in your letterbag they are
only notes which I give now and then into the persons hand just to satisfy«
»The person That means Miss Snowe I suppose«
»No papa not Lucy«
»Who then Perhaps Mrs Bretton«
»No papa not Mrs Bretton«
»Who then my little daughter Tell papa the truth«
»Oh papa« she cried with earnestness »I will I will tell you the truth
all the truth I am glad to tell you glad though I tremble«
She did tremble growing excitement kindling feeling and also gathering
courage shook her
»I hate to hide my actions from you papa I fear you and love you above
everything but God Read the letter look at the address«
She laid it on his knee He took it up and read it through his hand
shaking his eyes glistening meantime
He refolded it and viewed the writer with a strange tender mournful
amaze
»Can she write so the little thing that stood at my knee but yesterday
Can she feel so«
»Papa is it wrong Does it pain you«
»There is nothing wrong in it my innocent little Mary but it pains me«
»But papa listen You shall not be pained by me I would give up
everything almost« correcting herself »I would die rather than make you
unhappy that would be too wicked«
She shuddered
»Does the letter not please you Must it not go Must it be torn It shall
for your sake if you order it«
»I order nothing«
»Order something papa express your wish only dont hurt dont grieve
Graham I cannot cannot bear that I love you papa but I love Graham too
because because it is impossible to help it«
»This splendid Graham is a young scamp Polly that is my present notion of
him it will surprise you to hear that for my part I do not love him one whit
Ah years ago I saw something in that lads eye I never quite fathomed
something his mother had not a depth which warned a man not to wade into that
stream too far now suddenly I find myself taken over the crown of the head«
»Papa you dont you have not fallen in you are safe on the bank you can
do as you please your power is despotic you can shut me up in a convent and
break Grahams heart tomorrow if you choose to be so cruel Now autocrat now
czar will you do this«
»Off with him to Siberia red whiskers and all I say I dont like him
Polly and I wonder that you should«
»Papa« said she »do you know you are very naughty I never saw you look so
disagreeable so unjust so almost vindictive before There is an expression in
your face which does not belong to you«
»Off with him« pursued Mr Home who certainly did look sorely crossed and
annoyed even a little bitter »but I suppose if he went Polly would pack a
bundle and run after him her heart is fairly won won and weaned from her old
father«
»Papa I say it is naughty it is decidedly wrong to talk in that way I am
not weaned from you and no human being and no mortal influence can wean me«
»Be married Polly Espouse the red whiskers Cease to be a daughter go and
be a wife«
»Red whiskers I wonder what you mean papa You should take care of
prejudice You sometimes say to me that all the Scotch your countrymen are the
victims of prejudice It is proved now I think when no distinction is to be
made between red and deep nutbrown«
»Leave the prejudiced old Scotchman go away«
She stood looking at him a minute She wanted to show firmness superiority
to taunts knowing her fathers character guessing his few foibles she had
expected the sort of scene which was now transpiring it did not take her by
surprise and she desired to let it pass with dignity reliant upon reaction
Her dignity stood her in no stead Suddenly her soul melted in her eyes she
fell on his neck
»I wont leave you papa Ill never leave you I wont pain you Ill never
pain you« was her cry
»My lamb my treasure« murmured the loving though rugged sire He said no
more for the moment indeed those two words were hoarse
The room was now darkening I heard a movement a step without Thinking it
might be a servant coming with candles I gently opened to prevent intrusion
In the anteroom stood no servant a tall gentleman was placing his hat on the
table drawing off his gloves slowly lingering waiting it seemed to me He
called me neither by sign nor word yet his eye said
»Lucy come here« And I went
Over his face a smile flowed while he looked down on me no temper save
his own would have expressed by a smile the sort of agitation which now fevered
him
»Mr de Bassompierre is there is he not« he inquired pointing to the
library
»Yes«
»He noticed me at dinner He understood me«
»Yes Graham«
»I am brought up for judgment then and so is she«
»Mr Home« we now and always continued to term him Mr Home at times »is
talking to his daughter«
»Ha These are sharp moments Lucy«
He was quite stirred up his young hand trembled a vital I was going to
write mortal but such words ill apply to one all living like him a vital
suspense now held now hurried his breath in all this trouble his smile never
faded
»Is he very angry Lucy«
»She is very faithful Graham«
»What will be done unto me«
»Graham your star must be fortunate«
»Must it Kind prophet So cheered I should be a faint heart indeed to
quail I think I find all women faithful Lucy I ought to love them and I do
My mother is good she is divine and you are true as steel Are you not«
»Yes Graham«
»Then give me thy hand my little godsister it is a friendly little hand
to me and always has been And now for the great venture God be with the
right Lucy say Amen«
He turned and waited till I said »Amen« which I did to please him the
old charm in doing as he bid me came back I wished him success and
successful I knew he would be He was born victor as some are born vanquished
»Follow me« he said and I followed him into Mr Homes presence
»Sir« he asked »what is my sentence«
The father looked at him the daughter kept her face hid
»Well Bretton« said Mr Home »you have given me the usual reward of
hospitality I entertained you you have taken my best I was always glad to see
you you were glad to see the one precious thing I had You spoke me fair and
meantime I will not say you robbed me but I am bereaved and what I have lost
you it seems have won«
»Sir I cannot repent«
»Repent Not you You triumph no doubt John Graham you descended partly
from a Highlander and a chief and there is a trace of the Celt in all you look
speak and think You have his cunning and his charm The red Well then
Polly the fair hair the tongue of guile and brain of wile are all come down
by inheritance«
»Sir I feel honest enough« said Graham and a genuine English blush
covered his face with its warm witness of sincerity »And yet« he added »I
wont deny that in some respects you accuse me justly In your presence I have
always had a thought which I dared not show you I did truly regard you as the
possessor of the most valuable thing the world owns for me I wished for it I
tried for it Sir I ask for it now«
»John you ask much«
»Very much sir It must come from your generosity as a gift from your
justice as a reward I can never earn it«
»Ay Listen to the Highland tongue« said Mr Home »Look up Polly Answer
this braw wooer send him away«
She looked up She shyly glanced at her eager handsome suitor She gazed
tenderly on her furrowed sire
»Papa I love you both« said she »I can take care of you both I need not
send Graham away he can live here he will be no inconvenience« she alleged
with that simplicity of phraseology which at times was wont to make both her
father and Graham smile They smiled now
»He will be a prodigious inconvenience to me« still persisted Mr Home »I
dont want him Polly he is too tall he is in my way Tell him to march«
»You will get used to him papa He seemed exceedingly tall to me at first
like a tower when I looked up at him but on the whole I would rather not have
him otherwise«
»I object to him altogether Polly I can do without a soninlaw I should
never have requested the best man in the land to stand to me in that relation
Dismiss this gentleman«
»But he has known you so long papa and suits you so well«
»Suits me forsooth Yes he has pretended to make my opinions and tastes
his own He has humoured me for good reasons I think Polly you and I will bid
him good bye«
»Till tomorrow only Shake hands with Graham papa«
»No I think not I am not friends with him Dont think to coax me between
you«
»Indeed indeed you are friends Graham stretch out your right hand Papa
put out yours Now let them touch Papa dont be stiff close your fingers be
pliant there But that is not a clasp it is a grasp Papa you grasp like a
vice You crush Grahams hand to the bone you hurt him«
He must have hurt him for he wore a massive ring set round with
brilliants of which the sharp facets cut into Grahams flesh and drew blood
but pain only made Dr John laugh as anxiety had made him smile
»Come with me into my study« at last said Mr Home to the doctor They
went Their interview was not long but I suppose it was conclusive The suitor
had to undergo an interrogatory and a scrutiny on many things Whether Dr
Bretton was at times guileful in look and language or not there was a sound
foundation below His answers I understood afterwards evinced both wisdom and
integrity He had managed his affairs well He had struggled through
entanglements his fortunes were in the way of retrieval he proved himself in a
position to marry
Once more the father and lover appeared in the library M de Bassompierre
shut the door he pointed to his daughter
»Take her« he said »Take her John Bretton and may God deal with you as
you deal with her«
Not long after perhaps a fortnight I saw three persons Count de Bassompierre
his daughter and Dr Graham Bretton sitting on one seat under a lowspreading
and umbrageous tree in the grounds of the palace at Bois lEtang They had come
thither to enjoy a summer evening outside the magnificent gates their carriage
waited to take them home the green sweeps of turf spread round them quiet and
dim the palace rose at a distance white as a crag on Pentelicus the evening
star shone above it a forest of flowering shrubs embalmed the climate of this
spot the hour was still and sweet the scene but for this group was solitary
Paulina sat between the two gentlemen while they conversed her little
hands were busy at some work I thought at first she was binding a nosegay No
with the tiny pair of scissors glittering in her lap she had severed spoils
from each manly head beside her and was now occupied in plaiting together the
gray lock and the golden wave The plait woven no silkthread being at hand to
bind it a tress of her own hair was made to serve that purpose she tied it
like a knot prisoned it in a locket and laid it on her heart
»Now« said she »there is an amulet made which has virtue to keep you two
always friends You can never quarrel so long as I wear this«
An amulet was indeed made a spell framed which rendered enmity impossible
She was become a bond to both an influence over each a mutual concord From
them she drew her happiness and what she borrowed she with interest gave
back
Is there indeed such happiness on earth I asked as I watched the father
the daughter the future husband now united all blessed and blessing
Yes it is so Without any colouring of romance or any exaggeration of
fancy it is so Some real lives do for some certain days or years actually
anticipate the happiness of Heaven and I believe if such perfect happiness is
once felt by good people to the wicked it never comes its sweet effect is
never wholly lost Whatever trials follow whatever pains of sickness or shades
of death the glory precedent still shines through cheering the keen anguish
and tingeing the deep cloud
I will go farther I do believe there are some human beings so born so
reared so guided from a soft cradle to a calm and late grave that no excessive
suffering penetrates their lot and no tempestuous blackness overcasts their
journey And often these are not pampered selfish beings but Natures elect
harmonious and benign men and women mild with charity kind agents of Gods
kind attributes
Let me not delay the happy truth Graham Bretton and Paulina de Bassompierre
were married and such an agent did Dr Bretton prove He did not with time
degenerate his faults decayed his virtues ripened he rose in intellectual
refinement he won in moral profit all dregs filtered away the clear wine
settled bright and tranquil Bright too was the destiny of his sweet wife She
kept her husbands love she aided in his progress of his happiness she was
the corner stone
This pair was blessed indeed for years brought them with great prosperity
great goodness they imparted with open hand yet wisely Doubtless they knew
crosses disappointments difficulties but these were well borne More than
once too they had to look on Him whose face flesh scarce can see and live
they had to pay their tribute to the King of Terrors In the fulness of years
M de Bassompierre was taken in ripe old age departed Louisa Bretton Once even
there rose a cry in their halls of Rachel weeping for her children but others
sprang healthy and blooming to replace the lost Dr Bretton saw himself live
again in a son who inherited his looks and his disposition he had stately
daughters too like himself these children he reared with a suave yet a firm
hand they grew up according to inheritance and nurture
In short I do but speak the truth when I say that these two lives of Graham
and Paulina were blessed like that of Jacobs favoured son with »blessings of
Heaven above blessings of the deep that lies under« It was so for God saw
that it was good
Chapter XXXVIII
Cloud
But it is not so for all What then His will be done as done it surely will
be whether we humble ourselves to resignation or not The impulse of creation
forwards it the strength of powers seen and unseen has its fulfilment in
charge Proof of a life to come must be given In fire and in blood if needful
must that proof be written In fire and in blood do we trace the record
throughout nature In fire and in blood does it cross our own experience
Sufferer faint not through terror of this burning evidence Tired wayfarer
gird up thy loins look upward march onward Pilgrims and brother mourners
join in friendly company Dark through the wilderness of this world stretches
the way for most of us equal and steady be our tread be our cross our banner
For staff we have His promise whose »word is tried whose way perfect« for
present hope His providence »who gives the shield of salvation whose
gentleness makes great« for final home His bosom who »dwells in the height of
Heaven« for crowning prize a glory exceeding and eternal Let us so run that
we may obtain let us endure hardness as good soldiers let us finish our
course and keep the faith reliant in the issue to come off more than
conquerors »Art thou not from everlasting mine Holy One WE SHALL NOT DIE«
On a Thursday morning we were all assembled in classe waiting for the
lesson of literature The hour was come we expected the master
The pupils of the first classe sat very still the cleanlywritten
compositions prepared since the last lesson lay ready before them neatly tied
with ribbon waiting to be gathered by the hand of the professor as he made his
rapid round of the desks The month was July the morning fine the glassdoor
stood ajar through it played a fresh breeze and plants growing at the lintel
waved bent looked in seeming to whisper tidings
M Emanuel was not always quite punctual we scarcely wondered at his being
a little late but we wondered when the door at last opened and instead of him
with his swiftness and his fire there came quietly upon us the cautious Madame
Beck
She approached M Pauls desk she stood before it she drew round her the
light shawl covering her shoulders beginning to speak in low yet firm tones
and with a fixed gaze she said
»This morning there will be no lesson of literature«
The second paragraph of her address followed after about two minutes
pause
»It is probable the lessons will be suspended for a week I shall require at
least that space of time to find an efficient substitute for M Emanuel
Meanwhile it shall be our study to fill the blanks usefully
Your professor ladies« she went on »intends if possible duly to take
leave of you At the present moment he has not leisure for that ceremony He is
preparing for a long voyage A very sudden and urgent summons of duty calls him
to a great distance He has decided to leave Europe for an indefinite time
Perhaps he may tell you more himself Ladies instead of the usual lesson with
M Emanuel you will this morning read English with Mademoiselle Lucy«
She bent her head courteously drew closer the folds of her shawl and
passed from the classe
A great silence fell then a murmur went round the room I believe some
pupils wept
Some time elapsed The noise the whispering the occasional sobbing
increased I became conscious of a relaxation of discipline a sort of growing
disorder as if my girls felt that vigilance was withdrawn and that
surveillance had virtually left the classe Habit and the sense of duty enabled
me to rally quickly to rise in my usual way to speak in my usual tone to
enjoin and finally to establish quiet I made the English reading long and
close I kept them at it the whole morning I remember feeling a sentiment of
impatience towards the pupils who sobbed Indeed their emotion was not of much
value it was only an hysteric agitation I told them so unsparingly I half
ridiculed them I was severe The truth was I could not do with their tears or
that gasping sound I could not bear it A rather weakminded lowspirited
pupil kept it up when the others had done relentless necessity obliged and
assisted me so to accost her that she dared not carry on the demonstration
that she was forced to conquer the convulsion
That girl would have had a right to hate me except that when school was
over and her companions departing I ordered her to stay and when they were
gone I did what I had never done to one among them before pressed her to my
heart and kissed her cheek But this impulse yielded to I speedily put her out
of the classe for upon that poignant strain she wept more bitterly than ever
I filled with occupation every minute of that day and should have liked to
sit up all night if I might have kept a candle burning the night however
proved a bad time and left bad effects preparing me ill for the next days
ordeal of insufferable gossip Of course this news fell under general
discussion Some little reserve had accompanied the first surprise that soon
wore off every mouth opened every tongue wagged teachers pupils the very
servants mouthed the name of Emanuel He whose connection with the school was
contemporary with its commencement thus suddenly to withdraw All felt it
strange
They talked so much so long so often that out of the very multitude of
their words and rumours grew at last some intelligence About the third day I
heard it said that he was to sail in a week then that he was bound for the
West Indies I looked at Madame Becks face and into her eyes for disproof or
confirmation of this report I perused her all over for information but no part
of her disclosed more than what was unperturbed and commonplace
»This secession was an immense loss to her« she alleged »She did not know
how she should fill up the vacancy She was so used to her kinsman he had
become her right hand what should she do without him She had opposed the step
but M Paul had convinced her it was his duty«
She said all this in public in classe at the dinnertable speaking
audibly to Zélie St Pierre
»Why was it his duty« I could have asked her that I had impulses to take
hold of her suddenly as she calmly passed me in classe to stretch out my hand
and grasp her fast and say »Stop Let us hear the conclusion of the whole
matter Why is it his duty to go into banishment« But Madame always addressed
some other teacher and never looked at me never seemed conscious I could have
a care in the question
The week wore on Nothing more was said about M Emanuel coming to bid us
goodbye none seemed anxious for his coming none questioned whether or not he
would come none betrayed torment lest he should depart silent and unseen
incessantly did they talk and never in all their talk touched on this vital
point As to Madame she of course could see him and say to him as much as she
pleased What should she care whether or not he appeared in the schoolroom
The week consumed We were told that he was going on such a day that his
destination was »Basseterre in Guadaloupe« the business which called him abroad
related to a friends interests not his own I thought as much
»Basseterre in Guadaloupe« I had little sleep about this time but whenever
I did slumber it followed infallibly that I was quickly roused with a start
while the words »Basseterre« »Guadaloupe« seemed pronounced over my pillow or
ran athwart the darkness around and before me in zigzag characters of red or
violet light
For what I felt there was no help and how could I help feeling M Emanuel
had been very kind to me of late days he had been growing hourly better and
kinder It was now a month since we had settled the theological difference and
in all that time there had been no quarrel Nor had our peace been the cold
daughter of divorce we had not lived aloof he had come oftener he had talked
with me more than before he had spent hours with me with temper soothed with
eye content with manner homelike and mild Kind subjects of conversation had
grown between us he had inquired into my plans of life and I had communicated
them the schoolproject pleased him he made me repeat it more than once
though he called it an Alnaschar dream The jar was over the mutual
understanding was settling and fixing feelings of union and hope made
themselves profoundly felt in the heart affection and deep esteem and dawning
trust had each fastened its bond
What quiet lessons I had about this time No more taunts on my intellect no
more menaces of grating public shows How sweetly for the jealous gibe and the
more jealous halfpassionate eulogy were substituted a mute indulgent help a
fond guidance and a tender forbearance which forgave but never praised There
were times when he would sit for many minutes and not speak at all and when
dusk or duty brought separation he would leave with words like these »Il est
doux le repos Il est précieux le calme bonheur«
One evening not ten short days since he joined me whilst walking in my
alley He took my hand I looked up in his face I thought he meant to arrest my
attention
»Bonne petite amie« said he softly »douce consolatrice« But through his
touch and with his words a new feeling and a strange thought found a course
Could it be that he was becoming more than friend or brother Did his look speak
a kindness beyond fraternity or amity
His eloquent look had more to say his hand drew me forward his
interpreting lips stirred No Not now Here into the twilight alley broke an
interruption it came dual and ominous we faced two bodeful forms a womans
and a priests Madame Beck and Père Silas
The aspect of the latter I shall never forget On the first impulse it
expressed a JeanJacques sensibility stirred by the signs of affection just
surprised then immediately darkened over it the jaundice of ecclesiastical
jealousy He spoke to me with unction He looked on his pupil with sternness As
to Madame Beck she of course saw nothing nothing though her kinsman
retained in her presence the hand of the heretic foreigner not suffering
withdrawal but clasping it close and fast
Following these incidents that sudden announcement of departure had struck
me at first as incredible Indeed it was only frequent repetition and the
credence of the hundred and fifty minds round me which forced on me its full
acceptance As to that week of suspense with its blank yet burning days which
brought from him no word of explanation I remember but I cannot describe its
passage
The last day broke Now would he visit us Now he would come and speak his
farewell or he would vanish mute and be seen by us nevermore
This alternative seemed to be present in the mind of not a living creature
in that school All rose at the usual hour all breakfasted as usual all
without reference to or apparent thought of their late professor betook
themselves with wonted phlegm to their ordinary duties
So oblivious was the house so tame so trained its proceedings so
inexpectant its aspect I scarce knew how to breathe in an atmosphere thus
stagnant thus smothering Would no one lend me a voice Had no one a wish no
one a word no one a prayer to which I could say Amen
I had seen them unanimous in demand for the merest trifle a treat a
holiday a lessons remission they could not they would not now band to
besiege Madame Beck and insist on a last interview with a Master who had
certainly been loved at least by some loved as they could love but oh
what is the love of the multitude
I knew where he lived I knew where he was to be heard of or communicated
with the distance was scarce a stones throw had it been in the next room
unsummoned I could make no use of my knowledge To follow to seek out to
remind to recall for these things I had no faculty
M Emanuel might have passed within reach of my arm had he passed silent
and unnoticing silent and stirless should I have suffered him to go by
Morning wasted Afternoon came and I thought all was over My heart
trembled in its place My blood was troubled in its current I was quite sick
and hardly knew how to keep at my post or do my work Yet the little world round
me plodded on indifferent all seemed jocund free of care or fear or thought
the very pupils who seven days since had wept hysterically at a startling
piece of news appeared quite to have forgotten the news its import and their
emotion
A little before five oclock the hour of dismissal Madame Beck sent for me
to her chamber to read over and translate some English letter she had received
and to write for her the answer Before settling to this work I observed that
she softly closed the two doors of her chamber she even shut and fastened the
casement though it was a hot day and free circulation of air was usually
regarded by her as indispensable Why this precaution A keen suspicion an
almost fierce distrust suggested such question Did she want to exclude sound
what sound
I listened as I had never listened before I listened like the evening and
winterwolf snuffing the snow scenting prey and hearing far off the
travellers tramp Yet I could both listen and write About the middle of the
letter I heard what checked my pen a tread in the vestibule No doorbell
had rung Rosine acting doubtless by orders had anticipated such réveillée
Madame saw me halt She coughed made a bustle spoke louder The tread had
passed on to the classes
»Proceed« said Madame but my hand was fettered my ear enchained my
thoughts were carried off captive
The classes formed another building the hall parted them from the
dwellinghouse despite distance and partition I heard the sudden stir of
numbers a whole division rising at once
»They are putting away work« said Madame
It was indeed the hour to put away work but why that sudden hush that
instant quell of the tumult
»Wait madame I will see what it is«
And I put down my pen and left her Left her No she would not be left
powerless to detain me she rose and followed close as my shadow I turned on
the last step of the stair
»Are you coming too« I asked
»Yes« said she meeting my glance with a peculiar aspect a look clouded
yet resolute We proceeded then not together but she walked in my steps
He was come Entering the first classe I saw him There once more appeared
the form most familiar I doubt not they had tried to keep him away but he was
come
The girls stood in a semicircle he was passing round giving his
farewells pressing each hand touching with his lips each cheek This last
ceremony foreign custom permitted at such a parting so solemn to last so
long
I felt it hard that Madame Beck should dog me thus following and watching
me close my neck and shoulder shrunk in fever under her breath I became
terribly goaded
He was approaching the semicircle was almost travelled round he came to
the last pupil he turned But Madame was before me she had stepped out
suddenly she seemed to magnify her proportions and amplify her drapery she
eclipsed me I was hid She knew my weakness and deficiency she could calculate
the degree of moral paralysis the total default of self-assertion with
which in a crisis I could be struck She hastened to her kinsman she broke
upon him volubly she mastered his attention she hurried him to the door the
glassdoor opening on the garden I think he looked round could I but have
caught his eye courage I think would have rushed in to aid feeling and there
would have been a charge and perhaps a rescue but already the room was all
confusion the semicircle broken into groups my figure was lost among thirty
more conspicuous Madame had her will yes she got him away and he had not
seen me he thought me absent Five oclock struck the loud dismissal bell
rung the school separated the room emptied
There seems to my memory an entire darkness and distraction in some
certain minutes I then passed alone a grief inexpressible over a loss
unendurable What should I do oh what should I do when all my lifes hope was
thus torn by the roots out of my riven outraged heart
What I should have done I know not when a little child the least child
in the school broke with its simplicity and its unconsciousness into the
raging yet silent centre of that inward conflict
»Mademoiselle« lisped the treble voice »I am to give you that M Paul
said I was to seek you all over the house from the grenier to the cellar and
when I found you to give you that«
And the child delivered a note the little dove dropped on my knee its
oliveleaf plucked off I found neither address nor name only these words
»It was not my intention to take leave of you when I said goodbye to the
rest but I hoped to see you in classe I was disappointed The interview is
deferred Be ready for me Ere I sail I must see you at leisure and speak with
you at length Be ready my moments are numbered and just now monopolized
besides I have a private business on hand which I will not share with any nor
communicate even to you PAUL«
»Be ready« Then it must be this evening was he not to go on the morrow
Yes of that point I was certain I had seen the date of his vessels departure
advertised Oh I would be ready but could that longedfor meeting really be
achieved the time was so short the schemers seemed so watchful so active so
hostile the way of access appeared strait as a gully deep as a chasm
Apollyon straddled across it breathing flames Could my Greatheart overcome
Could my guide reach me
Who might tell Yet I began to take some courage some comfort it seemed to
me that I felt a pulse of his heart beating yet true to the whole throb of mine
I waited my champion Apollyon came trailing his Hell behind him I think if
Eternity held torment its form would not be fiery rack nor its nature
despair I think that on a certain day amongst those days which never dawned
and will not set an angel entered Hades stood shone smiled delivered a
prophecy of conditional pardon kindled a doubtful hope of bliss to come not
now but at a day and hour unlooked for revealed in his own glory and grandeur
the height and compass of his promise spoke thus then towering became a
star and vanished into his own Heaven His legacy was suspense a worse boon
than despair
All that evening I waited trusting in the dovesent oliveleaf yet in the
midst of my trust terribly fearing My fear pressed heavy Cold and peculiar I
knew it for the partner of a rarelybelied presentiment The first hours seemed
long and slow in spirit I clung to the flying skirts of the last They passed
like drift cloud like the rack scudding before a storm
They passed All the long hot summer day burned away like a Yulelog the
crimson of its close perished I was left bent among the cool blue shades over
the pale and ashen gleams of its night
Prayers were over it was bedtime my coinmates were all retired I still
remained in the gloomy firstclasse forgetting or at least disregarding rules
I had never forgotten or disregarded before
How long I paced that classe I cannot tell I must have been afoot many
hours mechanically had I moved aside benches and desks and had made for myself
a path down its length There I walked and there when certain that the whole
household were abed and quite out of hearing there I at last wept Reliant
on Night confiding in Solitude I kept my tears sealed my sobs chained no
longer they heaved my heart they tore their way In this house what grief
could be sacred
Soon after eleven oclock a very late hour for the Rue Fossette the door
unclosed quietly but not stealthily a lamps flame invaded the moonlight
Madame Beck entered with the same composed air as if coming on an ordinary
occasion at an ordinary season Instead of at once addressing me she went to
her desk took her keys and seemed to seek something she loitered over this
feigned search long too long She was calm too calm my mood scarce endured
the pretence driven beyond common range two hours since I had left behind me
wonted respects and fears Led by a touch and ruled by a word under usual
circumstances no yoke could now be borne no curb obeyed
»It is more than time for retirement« said Madame »the rule of the house
has already been transgressed too long«
Madame met no answer I did not check my walk when she came in my way I
put her out of it
»Let me persuade you to calm meess let me lead you to your chamber« said
she trying to speak softly
»No« I said »neither you nor another shall persuade or lead me«
»Your bed shall be warmed Goton is sitting up still She shall make you
comfortable she shall give you a sedative«
»Madame« I broke out »you are a sensualist Under all your serenity your
peace and your decorum you are an undenied sensualist Make your own bed warm
and soft take sedatives and meats and drinks spiced and sweet as much as you
will If you have any sorrow or disappointment and perhaps you have nay I
know you have seek your own palliatives in your own chosen resources Leave
me however Leave me I say«
»I must send another to watch you meess I must send Goton«
»I forbid it Let me alone Keep your hand off me and my life and my
troubles Oh Madame in your hand there is both chill and poison You envenom
and you paralyze«
»What have I done meess You must not marry Paul He cannot marry«
»Dog in the manger« I said for I knew she secretly wanted him and had
always wanted him She called him insupportable she railed at him for a dévot
she did not love but she wanted to marry that she might bind him to her
interest Deep into some of Madames secrets I had entered I know not how by
an intuition or an inspiration which came to me I know not whence In the
course of living with her too I had slowly learned that unless with an
inferior she must ever be a rival She was my rival heart and soul though
secretly under the smoothest bearing and utterly unknown to all save her and
myself
Two minutes I stood over Madame feeling that the whole woman was in my
power because in some moods such as the present in some stimulated states of
perception, like that of this instant her habitual disguise her mask and her
domino were to me a mere network reticulated with holes and I saw underneath a
being heartless selfindulgent and ignoble She quietly retreated from me
meek and selfpossessed though very uneasy she said »If I would not be
persuaded to take rest she must reluctantly leave me« Which she did
incontinent perhaps even more glad to get away than I was to see her vanish
This was the sole flasheliciting truthextorting rencontre which ever
occurred between me and Madame Beck this short nightscene was never repeated
It did not one whit change her manner to me I do not know that she revenged it
I do not know that she hated me the worse for my fell candour I think she
bucklered herself with the secret philosophy of her strong mind and resolved to
forget what it irked her to remember I know that to the end of our mutual lives
there occurred no repetition of no allusion to that fiery passage
That night passed all nights even the starless night before dissolution
must wear away About six oclock the hour which called up the household I
went out to the court and washed my face in its cold fresh wellwater
Entering by the carré a piece of mirrorglass set in an oaken cabinet
repeated my image It said I was changed my cheeks and lips were soddenwhite
my eyes were glassy and my eyelids swollen and purple
On rejoining my companions I knew they all looked at me my heart seemed
discovered to them I believed myself selfbetrayed Hideously certain did it
seem that the very youngest of the school must guess why and for whom I
despaired
»Isabelle« the child whom I had once nursed in sickness approached me
Would she too mock me
»Que vous êtes pâle Vous êtes donc bien malade mademoiselle« said she
putting her finger in her mouth and staring with a wistful stupidity which at
the moment seemed to me more beautiful than the keenest intelligence
Isabelle did not long stand alone in the recommendation of ignorance before
the day was over I gathered cause of gratitude towards the whole blind
household The multitude have something else to do than to read hearts and
interpret dark sayings Who wills may keep his own counsel be his own
secrets sovereign In the course of that day proof met me on proof not only
that the cause of my present sorrow was unguessed but that my whole inner life
for the last six months was still mine only It was not known it had not been
noted that I held in peculiar value one life among all lives Gossip had
passed me by curiosity had looked me over both subtle influences hovering
always round had never become centred upon me A given organization may live in
a full feverhospital and escape typhus M Emanuel had come and gone I had
been taught and sought in season and out of season he had called me and I had
obeyed him »M Paul wants Miss Lucy« »Miss Lucy is with M Paul« such had
been the perpetual bulletin and nobody commented far less condemned Nobody
hinted nobody jested Madame Beck read the riddle none else resolved it What
I now suffered was called illness a headache I accepted the baptism
But what bodily illness was ever like this pain This certainty that he was
gone without a farewell this cruel conviction that fate and pursuing furies
a womans envy and a priests bigotry would suffer me to see him no more What
wonder that the second evening found me like the first untamed tortured
again pacing a solitary room in an unalterable passion of silent desolation
Madame Beck did not herself summon me to bed that night she did not come
near me she sent Ginevra Fanshawe a more efficient agent for the purpose she
could not have employed Ginevras first words »Is your headache very bad
tonight« for Ginevra like the rest thought I had a headache an
intolerable headache which made me frightfully white in the face and insanely
restless in the foot her first words I say inspired the impulse to flee
anywhere so that it were only out of reach And soon what followed plaints
about her own headaches completed the business
I went upstairs Presently I was in my bed my miserable bed haunted
with quick scorpions I had not been laid down five minutes when another
emissary arrived Goton came bringing me something to drink I was consumed
with thirst I drank eagerly the beverage was sweet but I tasted a drug
»Madame says it will make you sleep chouchou« said Goton as she received
back the emptied cup
Ah the sedative had been administered In fact they had given me a strong
opiate I was to be held quiet for one night
The household came to bed the nightlight was lit the dormitory hushed
Sleep soon reigned over those pillows sleep won an easy supremacy contented
sovereign over heads and hearts which did not ache he passed by the unquiet
The drug wrought I know not whether Madame had overcharged or
undercharged the dose its result was not that she intended Instead of stupor
came excitement I became alive to new thought to reverie peculiar in
colouring A gathering call ran among the faculties their bugles sang their
trumpets rang an untimely summons Imagination was roused from her rest and she
came forth impetuous and venturous With scorn she looked on Matter her mate
»Rise« she said »Sluggard this night I will have my will nor shalt thou
prevail«
»Look forth and view the night« was her cry and when I lifted the heavy
blind from the casement close at hand with her own royal gesture she showed
me a moon supreme in an element deep and splendid
To my gasping senses she made the glimmering gloom the narrow limits the
oppressive heat of the dormitory intolerable She lured me to leave this den
and follow her forth into dew coolness and glory
She brought upon me a strange vision of Villette at midnight Especially she
showed the park the summerpark with its long alleys all silent lone and
safe among these lay a huge stonebasin that basin I knew and beside which I
had often stood deepset in the treeshadows brimming with cool water clear
with a green leafy rushy bed What of all this The parkgates were shut up
locked sentinelled the place could not be entered
Could it not A point worth considering and while revolving it I
mechanically dressed Utterly incapable of sleeping or lying still excited
from head to foot what could I do better than dress
The gates were locked soldiers set before them was there then no
admission to the park
The other day in walking past I had seen without then attending to the
circumstance a gap in the paling one stake broken down I now saw this gap
again in recollection saw it very plainly the narrow irregular aperture
visible between the stems of the lindens planted orderly as a colonade A man
could not have made his way through that aperture nor could a stout woman
perhaps not Madame Beck but I thought I might I fancied I should like to try
and once within at this hour the whole park would be mine the moonlight
midnight park
How soundly the dormitory slept What deep slumbers What quiet breathing
How very still the whole large house What was the time I felt restless to
know There stood a clock in the classe below what hindered me from venturing
down to consult it By such a moon its large white face and jet black figures
must be vividly distinct
As for hindrance to this step there offered not so much as a creaking hinge
or a clicking latch On these hot July nights close air could not be tolerated
and the chamberdoor stood wide open Will the dormitoryplanks sustain my tread
untraitorous Yes I know wherever a board is loose and will avoid it The oak
staircase creaks somewhat as I descend but not much I am in the carré
The great classedoors are close shut they are bolted On the other hand
the entrance to the corridor stands open The classes seem to my thought great
dreary jails buried far back beyond thoroughfares and for me filled with
spectral and intolerable memories laid miserable amongst their straw and their
manacles The corridor offers a cheerful vista leading to the high vestibule
which opens direct upon the street
Hush the clock strikes Ghostly deep as is the stillness of this convent
it is only eleven While my ear follows to silence the hum of the last stroke I
catch faintly from the builtout capital a sound like bells or like a band a
sound where sweetness where victory where mourning blend Oh to approach this
music nearer to listen to it alone by the rushy basin Let me go oh let me
go What hinders what does not aid freedom
There in the corridor hangs my gardencostume my large hat my shawl
There is no lock on the huge heavy portecochère there is no key to seek it
fastens with a sort of springbolt not to be opened from the outside but
which from within may be noiselessly withdrawn Can I manage it It yields to
my hand yields with propitious facility I wonder as that portal seems almost
spontaneously to unclose I wonder as I cross the threshold and step on the
paved street wonder at the strange ease with which this prison has been forced
It seems as if I had been pioneered invisibly as if some dissolving force had
gone before me for myself I have scarce made an effort
Quiet Rue Fossette I find on this pavement that wandererwooing summer
night of which I mused I see its moon over me I feel its dew in the air But
here I cannot stay I am still too near old haunts so close under the dungeon
I can hear the prisoners moan This solemn peace is not what I seek it is not
what I can bear to me the face of that sky bears the aspect of a worlds death
The park also will be calm I know a mortal serenity prevails everywhere yet
let me seek the park
I took a route wellknown and went up towards the palatial and royal
HauteVille thence the music I had heard certainly floated it was hushed now
but it might rewaken I went on neither band nor bellmusic came to meet me
another sound replaced it a sound like a strong tide a great flow deepening
as I proceeded Light broke movement gathered chimes pealed to what was I
coming Entering on the level of a Grande Place I found myself with the
suddenness of magic plunged amidst a gay living joyous crowd
Villette is one blaze one broad illumination the whole world seems abroad
moonlight and heaven are banished the town by her own flambeaux beholds her
own splendour gay dresses grand equipages fine horses and gallant riders
throng the bright streets I see even scores of masks It is a strange scene
stranger than dreams But where is the park I ought to be near it In the
midst of this glare the park must be shadowy and calm there at least are
neither torches lamps nor crowd
I was asking this question when an open carriage passed me filled with
known faces Through the deep throng it could pass but slowly the spirited
horses fretted in their curbed ardour I saw the occupants of that carriage
well me they could not see or at least not know folded close in my large
shawl screened with my straw hat in that motley crowd no dress was noticeably
strange I saw the Count de Bassompierre I saw my godmother handsomely
apparelled comely and cheerful I saw too Paulina Mary compassed with the
triple halo of her beauty her youth and her happiness In looking on her
countenance of joy and eyes of festal light one scarce remembered to note the
gala elegance of what she wore I know only that the drapery floating about her
was all white and light and bridal seated opposite to her I saw Graham Bretton
it was in looking up at him her aspect had caught its lustre the light
repeated in her eyes beamed first out of his
It gave me strange pleasure to follow these friends viewlessly and I did
follow them as I thought to the park I watched them alight carriages were
inadmissible amidst new and unanticipated splendours Lo the iron gateway
between the stone columns was spanned by a flaming arch built of massed stars
and following them cautiously beneath that arch where were they and where was
I
In a land of enchantment a garden most gorgeous a plain sprinkled with
coloured meteors a forest with sparks of purple and ruby and golden fire
gemming the foliage a region not of trees and shadow but of strangest
architectural wealth of altar and of temple of pyramid obelisk and sphynx
incredible to say the wonders and the symbols of Egypt teemed throughout the
park of Villette
No matter that in five minutes the secret was mine the key of the mystery
picked up and its illusion unveiled no matter that I quickly recognized the
material of these solemn fragments the timber the paint and the pasteboard
these inevitable discoveries failed to quite destroy the charm or undermine the
marvel of that night No matter that I now seized the explanation of the whole
great fête a fête of which the conventual Rue Fossette had not tasted though
it had opened at dawn that morning and was still in full vigour near midnight
In past days there had been said history an awful crisis in the fate of
Labassecour involving I know not what peril to the rights and liberties of her
gallant citizens Rumours of wars there had been if not wars themselves a
kind of struggling in the streets a bustle a running to and fro some
rearing of barricades some burgherrioting some calling out of troops much
interchange of brickbats and even a little of shot Tradition held that
patriots had fallen in the old BasseVille was shown an enclosure solemnly
built in and set apart holding it was said the sacred bones of martyrs Be
this as it may a certain day in the year was still kept as a festival in honour
of the said patriots and martyrs of somewhat apocryphal memory the morning
being given to a solemn Te Deum in St Jean Baptiste the evening devoted to
spectacles decorations and illuminations such as these I now saw
While looking up at the image of a white ibis fixed on a column while
fathoming the deep torchlit perspective of an avenue at the close of which
was couched a sphinx I lost sight of the party which from the middle of the
great square I had followed or rather they vanished like a group of
apparitions On this whole scene was impressed a dreamlike character every
shape was wavering every movement floating every voice echolike
halfmocking halfuncertain Paulina and her friends being gone I scarce could
avouch that I had really seen them nor did I miss them as guides through the
chaos far less regret them as protectors amidst the night
That festal night would have been safe for a very child Half the peasantry
had come in from the outlying environs of Villette and the decent burghers were
all abroad and around dressed in their best My strawhat passed amidst cap and
jacket short petticoat and long calico mantle without perhaps attracting a
glance I only took the precaution to bind down the broad leaf gipsywise with
a supplementary ribbon and then I felt safe as if masked
Safe I passed down the avenues safe I mixed with the crowd where it was
deepest To be still was not in my power nor quietly to observe I took a revel
of the scene I drank the elastic nightair the swell of sound the dubious
light now flashing now fading As to Happiness or Hope they and I had shaken
hands but just now I scorned Despair
My vague aim as I went was to find the stonebasin with its clear depth
and green lining of that coolness and verdure I thought with the passionate
thirst of unconscious fever Amidst the glare and hurry and throng and noise
I still secretly and chiefly longed to come on that circular mirror of crystal
and surprise the moon glassing therein her pearly front
I knew my route yet it seemed as if I was hindered from pursuing it direct
now a sight and now a sound called me aside luring me down this alley and
down that Already I saw the thickplanted trees which framed this tremulous and
rippled glass when choiring out of a glade to the right broke such a sound as
I thought might be heard if Heaven were to open such a sound perhaps as was
heard above the plain of Bethlehem on the night of glad tidings
The song the sweet music rose afar but rushing swiftly on
faststrengthening pinions there swept through these shades so full a storm of
harmonies that had no tree been near against which to lean I think I must have
dropped Voices were there it seemed to me unnumbered instruments varied and
countless bugle horn and trumpet I knew The effect was as a sea breaking
into song with all its waves
The swaying tide swept this way and then it fell back and I followed its
retreat It led me towards a Byzantine building a sort of kiosk near the
parks centre Round about stood crowded thousands gathered to a grand concert
in the open air What I had heard was I think a wild Jäger chorus the night
the space the scene and my own mood had but enhanced the sounds and their
impression
Here were assembled ladies looking by this light most beautiful some of
their dresses were gauzy and some had the sheen of satin the flowers and the
blond trembled and the veils waved about their decorated bonnets as that
hostlike chorus with its greatlygathering sound sundered the air above them
Most of these ladies occupied the little light parkchairs and behind and
beside them stood guardian gentlemen The outer ranks of the crowd were made up
of citizens plebeians and police
In this outer rank I took my place I rather liked to find myself the
silent unknown consequently unaccosted neighbour of the short petticoat and
the sabot and only the distant gazer at the silk robe the velvet mantle and
the plumed chapeau Amidst so much life and joy too it suited me to be alone
quite alone Having neither wish nor power to force my way through a mass so
closepacked my station was on the farthest confines where indeed I might
hear but could see little
»Mademoiselle is not well placed« said a voice at my elbow Who dared
accost me a being in a mood so little social I turned rather to repel than to
reply I saw a man a burgher an entire stranger as I deemed him for one
moment but the next recognized in him a certain tradesman a bookseller
whose shop furnished the Rue Fossette with its books and stationery a man
notorious in our pensionnat for the excessive brittleness of his temper and
frequent snappishness of his manner even to us his principal customers but
whom for my solitary self I had ever been disposed to like and had always
found civil sometimes kind once in aiding me about some troublesome little
exchange of foreign money he had done me a service He was an intelligent man
under his asperity he was a goodhearted man the thought had sometimes crossed
me that a part of his nature bore affinity to a part of M Emanuels whom he
knew well and whom I had often seen sitting on Mirets counter turning over
the current months publications and it was in this affinity I read the
explanation of that conciliatory feeling with which I instinctively regarded
him
Strange to say this man knew me under my strawhat and closelyfolded
shawl and though I deprecated the effort he insisted on making a way for me
through the crowd and finding me a better situation He carried his
disinterested civility further and from some quarter procured me a chair
Once and again I have found that the most crossgrained are by no means the
worst of mankind nor the humblest in station the least polished in feeling
This man in his courtesy seemed to find nothing strange in my being here
alone only a reason for extending to me as far as he could a retiring yet
efficient attention Having secured me a place and a seat he withdrew without
asking a question without obtruding a remark without adding a superfluous
word No wonder that Professor Emanuel liked to take his cigar and his lounge
and to read his feuilleton in M Mirets shop the two must have suited
I had not been seated five minutes ere I became aware that chance and my
worthy burgher friend had brought me once more within view of a familiar and
domestic group Right before me sat the Brettons and de Bassompierres Within
reach of my hand had I chosen to extend it sat a figure like a fairyqueen
whose array lilies and their leaves seemed to have suggested whatever was not
spotless white being forestgreen My godmother too sat so near that had I
leaned forward my breath might have stirred the ribbon of her bonnet They were
too near having been just recognized by a comparative stranger I felt uneasy
at this close vicinage of intimate acquaintance
It made me quite start when Mrs Bretton turning to Mr Home and speaking
out of a kind impulse of memory said
»I wonder what my steady little Lucy would say to all this if she were here
I wish we had brought her she would have enjoyed it much«
»So she would so she would in her grave sensible fashion it is a pity but
we had asked her« rejoined the kind gentleman and added »I like to see her so
quietly pleased so little moved yet so content«
Dear were they both to me dear are they to this day in their remembered
benevolence Little knew they the rack of pain which had driven Lucy almost into
fever and brought her out guideless and reckless urged and drugged to the
brink of frenzy I had half a mind to bend over the elders shoulders and
answer their goodness with the thanks of my eyes M de Bassompierre did not
well know me but I knew him and honoured and admired his nature with all its
plain sincerity its warm affection and unconscious enthusiasm Possibly I
might have spoken but just then Graham turned he turned with one of his
stately firm movements so different from those of a sharptempered undersized
man there was behind him a throng a hundred ranks deep there were thousands
to meet his eye and divide its scrutiny why then did he concentrate all on me
oppressing me with the whole force of that full blue steadfast orb Why if
he would look did not one glance satisfy him why did he turn on his chair
rest his elbow on its back and study me leisurely He could not see my face I
held it down surely he could not recognize me I stooped I turned I would
not be known He rose by some means he contrived to approach in two minutes he
would have had my secret my identity would have been grasped between his never
tyrannous but always powerful hands There was but one way to evade or to check
him I implied by a sort of supplicatory gesture that it was my prayer to be
let alone after that had he persisted he would perhaps have seen the
spectacle of Lucy incensed not all that was grand or good or kind in him and
Lucy felt the full amount should have kept her quite tame or absolutely
inoffensive and shadowlike He looked but he desisted He shook his handsome
head but he was mute He resumed his seat nor did he again turn or disturb me
by a glance except indeed for one single instant when a look rather
solicitous than curious stole my way speaking what somehow stilled my heart
like »the southwind quieting the earth« Grahams thoughts of me were not
entirely those of a frozen indifference after all I believe in that goodly
mansion his heart he kept one little place under the skylights where Lucy
might have entertainment if she chose to call It was not so handsome as the
chambers where he lodged his male friends it was not like the hall where he
accommodated his philanthropy or the library where he treasured his science
still less did it resemble the pavilion where his marriage feast was splendidly
spread yet gradually by long and equal kindness he proved to me that he kept
one little closet over the door of which was written »Lucys Room« I kept a
place for him too a place of which I never took the measure either by rule
or compass I think it was like the tent of PeriBanou All my life long I
carried it folded in the hollow of my hand yet released from that hold and
constriction I know not but its innate capacity for expanse might have
magnified it into a tabernacle for a host
Forbearing as he was tonight I could not stay in this proximity this
dangerous place and seat must be given up I watched my opportunity rose and
stole away He might think he might even believe that Lucy was contained within
that shawl and sheltered under that hat he could never be certain for he did
not see my face
Surely the spirit of restlessness was by this time appeased Had I not had
enough of adventure Did I not begin to flag quail and wish for safety under a
roof Not so I still loathed my bed in the schooldormitory more than words can
express I clung to whatever could distract thought Somehow I felt too that
the nights drama was but begun that the prologue was scarce spoken throughout
this woody and turfy theatre reigned a shadow of mystery actors and incidents
unlookedfor waited behind the scenes I thought so foreboding told me as
much
Straying at random obeying the push of every chance elbow I was brought to
a quarter where trees planted in clusters or towering singly broke up somewhat
the dense packing of the crowd and gave it a more scattered character These
confines were far from the music and somewhat aloof even from the lamps but
there was sound enough to soothe and with that full high moon lamps were
scarce needed Here had chiefly settled familygroups burgherparents some of
them late as was the hour actually surrounded by their children with whom it
had not been thought advisable to venture into the closer throng
Three fine tall trees growing close almost twined stem within stem lifted
a thick canopy of shade above a green knoll crowned with a seat a seat which
might have held several yet it seemed abandoned to one the remaining members
of the fortunate party in possession of this site standing dutifully round yet
amongst this reverent circle was a lady holding by the hand a little girl
When I caught sight of this little girl she was twisting herself round on
her heel swinging from her conductresss hand flinging herself from side to
side with wanton and fantastic gyrations These perverse movements arrested my
attention they struck me as of a character fearfully familiar On close
inspection no less so appeared the childs equipment the lilac silk pelisse
the small swansdown boa the white bonnet the whole holiday toilette in
short was the gala garb of a cherub but toowell known of that tadpole
Désirée Beck and Désirée Beck it was she or an imp in her likeness
I might have taken this discovery as a thunderclap but such hyperbole
would have been premature discovery was destined to rise more than one degree
ere it reached its climax
On whose hand could the amiable Désirée swing thus selfishly whose glove
could she tear thus recklessly whose arm thus strain with impunity or on the
borders of whose dress thus turn and trample insolently if not the hand glove
arm and robe of her ladymother And there in an Indian shawl and a palegreen
crape bonnet there fresh portly blithe and pleasant there stood Madame
Beck
Curious I had certainly deemed Madame in her bed and Désirée in her crib
at this blessed minute sleeping both of them the sleep of the just within
the sacred walls amidst the profound seclusion of the Rue Fossette Most
certainly also they did not picture Meess Lucie otherwise engaged and here we
all three were taking our ébats in the fêteblazing park at midnight
The fact was Madame was only acting according to her quite justifiable
wont I remembered now I had heard it said among the teachers though without
at the time particularly noticing the gossip that often when we thought
Madame in her chamber sleeping she was gone fulldressed to take her
pleasure at operas or plays or balls Madame had no sort of taste for a
monastic life and took care largely though discreetly to season her
existence with a relish of the world
Half a dozen gentlemen of her friends stood about her Amongst these I was
not slow to recognize two or three There was her brother M Victor Kint there
was another person moustached and with long hair a calm taciturn man but
whose traits bore a stamp and a semblance I could not mark unmoved Amidst
reserve and phlegm amidst contrasts of character and of countenance something
there still was which recalled a face mobile fervent feeling a face
changeable now clouded and now alight a face from my world taken away for
my eyes lost but where my best springhours of life had alternated in shadow
and in glow that face where I had often seen movements so near the signs of
genius that why there did not shine fully out the undoubted fire the thing
the spirit and the secret itself I could never tell Yes this Josef Emanuel
this man of peace reminded me of his ardent brother
Besides Messieurs Victor and Josef I knew another of this party This third
person stood behind and in the shade his attitude too was stooping yet his
dress and bald white head made him the most conspicuous figure of the group He
was an ecclesiastic he was Père Silas Do not fancy reader that there was any
inconsistency in the priests presence at this fête This was not considered a
show of Vanity Fair but a commemoration of patriotic sacrifice The Church
patronized it even with ostentation There were troops of priests in the park
that night
Père Silas stooped over the seat with its single occupant the rustic bench
and that which sat upon it a strange mass it was bearing no shape yet
magnificent You saw indeed the outline of a face and features but these were
so cadaverous and so strangely placed you could almost have fancied a head
severed from its trunk and flung at random on a pile of rich merchandize The
distant lamprays glanced on clear pendants on broad rings neither the
chasteness of moonlight nor the distance of the torches could quite subdue the
gorgeous dyes of the drapery Hail Madame Walravens I think you looked more
witchlike than ever And presently the good lady proved that she was indeed no
corpse or ghost but a harsh and hardy old woman for upon some aggravation in
the clamorous petition of Désirée Beck to her mother to go to the kiosk and
take sweetmeats the hunchback suddenly fetched her a resounding rap with her
goldknobbed cane
There then were Madame Walravens Madame Beck Père Silas the whole
conjuration the secret junta The sight of them thus assembled did me good I
cannot say that I felt weak before them or abashed or dismayed They
outnumbered me and I was worsted and under their feet but as yet I was not
dead
Chapter XXXIX
Old and New Acquaintance
Fascinated as by a basilisk with three heads I could not leave this clique the
ground near them seemed to hold my feet The canopy of entwined trees held out
shadow the night whispered a pledge of protection and an officious lamp
flashed just one beam to show me an obscure safe seat and then vanished Let
me now briefly tell the reader all that during the past dark fortnight I have
been silently gathering from Rumour respecting the origin and the object of M
Emanuels departure The tale is short and not new its alpha is Mammon and
its omega Interest
If Madame Walravens was hideous as a Hindoo idol she seemed also to
possess in the estimation of these her votaries an idols consequence The
fact was she had been rich very rich and though for the present without the
command of money she was likely one day to be rich again At Basseterre in
Guadaloupe she possessed a large estate received in dowry on her marriage
sixty years ago sequestered since her husbands failure but now it was
supposed cleared of claim and if duly looked after by a competent agent of
integrity considered capable of being made in a few years largely productive
Père Silas took an interest in this prospective improvement for the sake of
religion and the church whereof Magloire Walravens was a devout daughter
Madame Beck distantly related to the hunchback and knowing her to be without
family of her own had long brooded over contingencies with a mothers
calculating forethought and harshly treated as she was by Madame Walravens
never ceased to court her for interests sake Madame Beck and the priest were
thus for money reasons equally and sincerely interested in the nursing of the
WestIndian estate
But the distance was great and the climate hazardous The competent and
upright agent wanted must be a devoted man Just such a man had Madame
Walravens retained for twenty years in her service blighting his life and then
living on him like an old fungus such a man had Père Silas trained taught
and bound to him by the ties of gratitude habit and belief Such a man Madame
Beck knew and could in some measure influence »My pupil« said Père Silas »if
he remains in Europe runs risk of apostacy for he has become entangled with a
heretic« Madame Beck made also her private comment and preferred in her own
breast her secret reason for desiring expatriation The thing she could not
obtain she desired not another to win rather would she destroy it As to
Madame Walravens she wanted her money and her land and knew Paul if he liked
could make the best and faithfullest steward so the three selfseekers banded
and beset the one unselfish They reasoned they appealed they implored on his
mercy they cast themselves into his hands they confidingly thrust their
interests They asked but two or three years of devotion after that he should
live for himself one of the number perhaps wished that in the mean time he
might die
No living being ever humbly laid his advantage at M Emanuels feet or
confidingly put it into his hands that he spurned the trust or repulsed the
repository What might be his private pain or inward reluctance to leave Europe
what his calculations for his own future none asked or knew or reported
All this was a blank to me His conferences with his confessor I might guess
the part duty and religion were made to play in the persuasions used I might
conjecture He was gone and had made no sign There my knowledge closed
With my head bent and my forehead resting on my hands I sat amidst grouped
treestems and branching brushwood Whatever talk passed amongst my neighbours
I might hear if I would I was near enough but for some time there was
scarce motive to attend They gossiped about the dresses the music the
illuminations the fine night I listened to hear them say »It is calm weather
for his voyage the Antigua« his ship »will sail prosperously« No such remark
fell neither the Antigua nor her course nor her passenger were named
Perhaps the light chat scarcely interested old Madame Walravens more than it
did me she appeared restless turning her head now to this side now that
looking through the trees and among the crowd as if expectant of an arrival
and impatient of a delay »Où sontils Pourquoi ne viennentils« I heard her
mutter more than once and at last as if determined to have an answer to her
question which hitherto none seemed to mind she spoke aloud this phrase a
phrase brief enough simple enough but it sent a shock through me
»Messieurs et mesdames« said she »où donc est Justine Marie«
»Justine Marie« What name was this Justine Marie the dead nun where
was she Why in her grave Madame Walravens what can you want with her You
shall go to her but she shall not come to you
Thus I should have answered had the response lain with me but nobody
seemed to be of my mind nobody seemed surprised startled or at a loss The
quietest commonplace answer met the strange the deaddisturbing the
WitchofEndor query of the hunchback
»Justine Marie« said one »is coming she is in the kiosk she will be here
presently«
Out of this question and reply sprang a change in the chat chat it still
remained easy desultory familiar gossip Hint allusion comment went round
the circle but all so broken so dependent on references to persons not named
or circumstances not defined that listen intently as I would and I did
listen now with a fated interest I could make out no more than that some
scheme was on foot in which this ghostly Justine Marie dead or alive was
concerned This familyjunta seemed grasping at her somehow for some reason
there seemed question of a marriage of a fortune for whom I could not quite
make out perhaps for Victor Kint perhaps for Josef Emanuel both were
bachelors Once I thought the hints and jests rained upon a young fairhaired
foreigner of the party whom they called Heinrich Mühler Amidst all the
badinage Madame Walravens still obtruded from time to time hoarse
crossgrained speeches her impatience being diverted only by an implacable
surveillance of Désirée who could not stir but the old woman menaced her with
her staff
»La voilà« suddenly cried one of the gentlemen »voilà Justine Marie qui
arrive«
This moment was for me peculiar I called up to memory the pictured nun on
the panel present to my mind was the sad lovestory I saw in thought the
vision of the garret the apparition of the alley the strange birth of the
berceau I underwent a presentiment of discovery a strong conviction of coming
disclosure Ah when imagination once runs riot where do we stop What winter
tree so bare and branchless what wayside hedgemunching animal so humble
that Fancy a passing cloud and a struggling moonbeam will not clothe it in
spirituality and make of it a phantom
With solemn force pressed on my heart the expectation of mystery breaking
up hitherto I had seen this spectre only through a glass darkly now was I to
behold it face to face I leaned forward I looked
»She comes« cried Josef Emanuel
The circle moved as if opening to admit a new and welcome member At this
instant a torch chanced to be carried past its blaze aided the pale moon in
doing justice to the crisis in lighting to perfection the dénouement pressing
on Surely those near me must have felt some little of the anxiety I felt in
degree so unmeted Of that group the coolest must have »held his breath for a
time« As for me my life stood still
It is over The moment and the nun are come The crisis and the revelation
are passed by
The flambeau glares still within a yard held up in a parkkeepers hand
its long eager tongue of flame almost licks the figure of the Expected there
where she stands full in my sight What is she like What does she wear How
does she look Who is she
There are many masks in the Park tonight and as the hour wears late so
strange a feeling of revelry and mystery begins to spread abroad that scarce
would you discredit me reader were I to say that she is like the nun of the
attic that she wears black skirts and white headclothes that she looks the
resurrection of the flesh and that she is a risen ghost
All falsities all figments We will not deal in this gear Let us be
honest and cut as heretofore from the homely web of truth
Homely though is an illchosen word What I see is not precisely homely A
girl of Villette stands there a girl fresh from her pensionnat She is very
comely with the beauty indigenous to this country she looks wellnourished
fair and fat of flesh Her cheeks are round her eyes good her hair is
abundant She is handsomely dressed She is not alone her escort consists of
three persons two being elderly these she addresses as Mon Oncle and Ma
Tante She laughs she chats goodhumoured buxom and blooming she looks at
all points the bourgeoise belle
So much for Justine Marie so much for ghosts and mystery not that this
last was solved this girl certainly is not my nun what I saw in the garret
and garden must have been taller by a span
We have looked at the city belle we have cursorily glanced at the
respectable old uncle and aunt Have we a stray glance to give to the third
member of this company Can we spare him a moments notice We ought to
distinguish him so far reader he has claims on us we do not now meet him for
the first time I clasped my hands very hard and I drew my breath very deep I
held in the cry I devoured the ejaculation I forbade the start I spoke and I
stirred no more than a stone but I knew what I looked on through the dimness
left in my eyes by many nights weeping I knew him They said he was to sail by
the Antigua Madame Beck said so She lied or she had uttered what was once
truth and failed to contradict it when it became false The Antigua was gone
and there stood Paul Emanuel
Was I glad A huge load left me Was it a fact to warrant joy I know not
Ask first what were the circumstances attendant on this respite How far did
this delay concern me Were there not those whom it might touch more nearly
After all who may this young girl this Justine Marie be Not a stranger
reader she is known to me by sight she visits at the Rue Fossette she is
often of Madame Becks Sunday parties She is a relation of both the Becks and
Walravens she derives her baptismal name from the sainted nun who would have
been her aunt had she lived her patronymic is Sauveur she is an heiress and an
orphan and M Emanuel is her guardian some say her godfather The family junta
wish this heiress to be married to one of their band which is it Vital
question which is it
I felt very glad now that the drug administered in the sweet draught had
filled me with a possession which made bed and chamber intolerable I always
through my whole life liked to penetrate to the real truth I like seeking the
goddess in her temple and handling the veil and daring the dread glance O
Titaness amongst deities The covered outline of thine aspect sickens often
through its uncertainty but define to us one trait show us one lineament
clear in awful sincerity we may gasp in untold terror but with that gasp we
drink in a breath of thy divinity our heart shakes and its currents sway like
rivers lifted by earthquake but we have swallowed strength To see and know the
worst is to take from Fear her main advantage
The Walravens party augmented in numbers now became very gay The
gentlemen fetched refreshments from the kiosk all sat down on the turf under
the trees they drank healths and sentiments they laughed they jested M
Emanuel underwent some raillery half goodhumoured half I thought malicious
especially on Madame Becks part I soon gathered that his voyage had been
temporarily deferred of his own will without the concurrence even against the
advice of his friends he had let the Antigua go and had taken his berth in the
Paul et Virginie appointed to sail a fortnight later It was his reason for
this resolve which they teased him to assign and which he would only vaguely
indicate as »the settlement of a little piece of business which he had set his
heart upon« What was this business Nobody knew Yes there was one who seemed
partly at least in his confidence a meaning look passed between him and
Justine Marie »La petite va maider nest ce pas« said he The answer was
prompt enough God knows
»Mais oui je vous aiderai de tout mon coeur Vous ferez de moi tout ce que
vous voudrez mon parrain«
And this dear parrain took her hand and lifted it to his grateful lips Upon
which demonstration I saw the lightcomplexioned young Teuton Heinrich Mühler
grow restless as if he did not like it He even grumbled a few words whereat
M Emanuel actually laughed in his face and with the ruthless triumph of the
assured conqueror he drew his ward nearer to him
M Emanuel was indeed very joyous that night He seemed not one whit subdued
by the change of scene and action impending He was the true life of the party
a little despotic perhaps determined to be chief in mirth as well as in
labour yet from moment to moment proving indisputably his right of leadership
His was the wittiest word the pleasantest anecdote the frankest laugh
Restlessly active after his manner he multiplied himself to wait on all but
oh I saw which was his favourite I saw at whose feet he lay on the turf I saw
whom he folded carefully from the night air whom he tended watched and
cherished as the apple of his eye
Still hint and raillery flew thick and still I gathered that while M Paul
should be absent working for others these others not quite ungrateful would
guard for him the treasure he left in Europe Let him bring them an Indian
fortune they would give him in return a young bride and a rich inheritance As
for the saintly consecration the vow of constancy that was forgotten the
blooming and charming Present prevailed over the Past and at length his nun was
indeed buried
Thus it must be The revelation was indeed come Presentiment had not been
mistaken in her impulse there is a kind of presentiment which never is
mistaken it was I who had for a moment miscalculated not seeing the true
bearing of the oracle I had thought she muttered of vision when in truth her
prediction touched reality
I might have paused longer upon what I saw I might have deliberated ere I
drew inferences Some perhaps would have held the premises doubtful the proofs
insufficient some slow sceptics would have incredulously examined ere they
conclusively accepted the project of a marriage between a poor and unselfish man
of forty and his wealthy ward of eighteen but far from me such shifts and
palliatives far from me such temporary evasion of the actual, such coward
fleeing from the dread the swiftfooted the allovertaking Fact such feeble
suspense of submission to her the sole sovereign such paltering and faltering
resistance to the Power whose errand is to march conquering and to conquer such
traitor defection from the TRUTH
No I hastened to accept the whole plan I extended my grasp and took it all
in I gathered it to me with a sort of rage of haste and folded it round me as
the soldier struck on the field folds his colours about his breast I invoked
Conviction to nail upon me the certainty abhorred while embraced to fix it
with the strongest spikes her strongest strokes could drive and when the iron
had entered well my soul I stood up as I thought renovated
In my infatuation I said »Truth you are a good mistress to your faithful
servants While a Lie pressed me how I suffered Even when the Falsehood was
still sweet still flattering to the fancy and warm to the feelings it wasted
me with hourly torment The persuasion that affection was won could not be
divorced from the dread that by another turn of the wheel it might be lost
Truth stripped away Falsehood and Flattery and Expectancy and here I stand
free«
Nothing remained now but to take my freedom to my chamber to carry it with
me to my bed and see what I could make of it The play was not yet indeed quite
played out I might have waited and watched longer that love scene under the
trees that sylvan courtship Had there been nothing of love in the
demonstration my Fancy in this hour was so generous so creative she could
have modelled for it the most salient lineaments and given it the deepest life
and highest colour of passion But I would not look I had fixed my resolve but
I would not violate my nature And then something tore me so cruelly under my
shawl something so dug into my side a vulture so strong in beak and talon I
must be alone to grapple with it I think I never felt jealousy till now This
was not like enduring the endearments of Dr John and Paulina against which
while I sealed my eyes and my ears while I withdrew thence my thoughts my
sense of harmony still acknowledged in it a charm This was an outrage The
love born of beauty was not mine I had nothing in common with it I could not
dare to meddle with it but another love venturing diffidently into life after
long acquaintance furnacetried by pain stamped by constancy consolidated by
affections pure and durable alloy submitted by intellect to intellects own
tests and finally wrought up by his own process to his own unflawed
completeness this Love that laughed at Passion his fast frenzies and his hot
and hurried extinction in this Love I had a vested interest and whatever
tended either to its culture or its destruction I could not view impassibly
I turned from the group of trees and the merrie companie in its shade
Midnight was long past the concert was over the crowds were thinning I
followed the ebb Leaving the radiant park and welllit HauteVille still
welllit for this it seems was to be a nuit blanche in Villette I sought the
dim lower quarter
Dim I should not say for the beauty of moonlight forgotten in the park
here once more flowed in upon perception High she rode and calm and
stainlessly she shone The music and the mirth of the fête the fire and bright
hues of those lamps had outdone and outshone her for an hour but now again
her glory and her silence triumphed The rival lamps were dying she held her
course like a white fate Drum trumpet bugle had uttered their clangour and
were forgotten with pencilray she wrote on heaven and on earth records for
archives everlasting She and those stars seemed to me at once the types and
witnesses of truth all regnant The nightsky lit her reign like its
slowwheeling progress advanced her victory that onward movement which has
been and is and will be from eternity to eternity
These oiltwinkling streets are very still I like them for their lowliness
and peace Homewardbound burghers pass me now and then but these companies are
pedestrian make little noise and are soon gone So well do I love Villette
under her present aspect not willingly would I reenter under a roof but that
I am bent on pursuing my strange adventure to a successful close and quietly
regaining my bed in the great dormitory before Madame Beck comes home
Only one street lies between me and the Rue Fossette as I enter it for the
first time the sound of a carriage tears up the deep peace of this quarter It
comes this way comes very fast How loud sounds its rattle on the paved path
The street is narrow and I keep carefully to the causeway The carriage thunders
past but what do I see or fancy I see as it rushes by Surely something white
fluttered from that window surely a hand waved a handkerchief Was that signal
meant for me Am I known Who could recognize me That is not M de
Bassompierres carriage nor Mrs Brettons and besides neither the Hotel
Crécy nor the château of La Terrasse lies in that direction Well I have no
time for conjecture I must hurry home
Gaining the Rue Fossette reaching the Pensionnat all there was still no
fiacre had yet arrived with Madame and Désirée I had left the great door ajar
should I find it thus Perhaps the wind or some other accident may have thrown
it to with sufficient force to start the springbolt In that case hopeless
became admission my adventure must issue in catastrophe I lightly pushed the
heavy leaf would it yield
Yes As soundless as unresisting as if some propitious genius had waited
on a sesamecharm in the vestibule within Entering with bated breath quietly
making all fast shoelessly mounting the staircase I sought the dormitory and
reached my couch
Aye I reached it and once more drew a free inspiration The next moment I
almost shrieked almost but not quite thank Heaven
Throughout the dormitory throughout the house there reigned at this hour
the stillness of death All slept and in such hush it seemed that none
dreamed Stretched on the nineteen beds lay nineteen forms at fulllength and
motionless On mine the twentieth couch nothing ought to have lain I had
left it void and void should have found it What then do I see between the
halfdrawn curtains What dark usurping shape supine long and strange Is it
a robber who has made his way through the open streetdoor and lies there in
wait It looks very black I think it looks not human Can it be a wandering
dog that has come in from the street and crept and nestled hither Will it
spring will it leap out if I approach Approach I must Courage One step
My head reeled for by the faint nightlamp I saw stretched on my bed the
old phantom the NUN
A cry at this moment might have ruined me Be the spectacle what it might I
could afford neither consternation scream nor swoon Besides I was not
overcome Tempered by late incidents my nerves disdained hysteria Warm from
illuminations and music and thronging thousands thoroughly lashed up by a new
scourge I defied spectra In a moment without exclamation I had rushed on the
haunted couch nothing leaped out or sprung or stirred all the movement was
mine so was all the life the reality the substance, the force as my instinct
felt I tore her up the incubus I held her on high the goblin I shook her
loose the mystery And down she fell down all round me down in shreds and
fragments and I trode upon her
Here again behold the branchless tree the unstabled Rosinante the film
of cloud the flicker of moonshine The long nun proved a long bolster dressed
in a long black stole and artfully invested with a white veil The garments in
very truth strange as it may seem were genuine nuns garments and by some
hand they had been disposed with a view to illusion Whence came these
vestments Who contrived this artifice These questions still remained To the
headbandage was pinned a slip of paper it bore in pencil these mocking words
»The nun of the attic bequeaths to Lucy Snowe her wardrobe She will be seen
in the Rue Fossette no more«
And what and who was she that had haunted me She I had actually seen three
times Not a woman of my acquaintance had the stature of that ghost She was not
of female height Not to any man I knew could the machination for a moment be
attributed
Still mystified beyond expression but as thoroughly as suddenly relieved
from all sense of the spectral and unearthly scorning also to wear out my brain
with the fret of a trivial though insoluble riddle I just bundled together
stole veil and bandages thrust them beneath my pillow lay down listened
till I heard the wheels of Madames homereturning fiacre then turned and worn
out by many nights vigils conquered too perhaps by the now reacting
narcotic I deeply slept
Chapter XL
The Happy Pair
The day succeeding this remarkable Midsummer night proved no common day I do
not mean that it brought signs in heaven above or portents on the earth
beneath nor do I allude to meteorological phenomena, to storm flood or
whirlwind On the contrary the sun rose jocund with a July face Morning
decked her beauty with rubies and so filled her lap with roses that they fell
from her in showers making her path blush the Hours woke fresh as nymphs and
emptying on the early hills their dewvials they stepped out dismantled of
vapour shadowless azure and glorious they led the suns steeds on a burning
and unclouded course
In short it was as fine a day as the finest summer could boast but I doubt
whether I was not the sole inhabitant of the Rue Fossette who cared or
remembered to note this pleasant fact Another thought busied all other heads a
thought indeed which had its share in my meditations but this master
consideration not possessing for me so entire a novelty so overwhelming a
suddenness especially so dense a mystery as it offered to the majority of my
cospeculators thereon left me somewhat more open than the rest to any
collateral observation or impression
Still while walking in the garden feeling the sunshine and marking the
blooming and growing plants I pondered the same subject the whole house
discussed
What subject
Merely this When matins came to be said there was a place vacant in the
first rank of boarders When breakfast was served there remained a coffeecup
unclaimed When the housemaid made the beds she found in one a bolster laid
lengthwise clad in a cap and nightgown and when Ginevra Fanshawes
musicmistress came early as usual to giving the morning lesson that
accomplished and promising young person her pupil failed utterly to be
forthcoming
High and low was Miss Fanshawe sought through length and breadth was the
house ransacked vainly not a trace not an indication not so much as a scrap
of a billet rewarded the search the nymph was vanished engulfed in the past
night like a shooting star swallowed up by darkness
Deep was the dismay of surveillante teachers deeper the horror of the
defaulting directress Never had I seen Madame Beck so pale or so appalled Here
was a blow struck at her tender part her weak side here was damage done to her
interest How too had the untoward event happened By what outlet had the
fugitive taken wing Not a casement was found unfastened not a pane of glass
broken all the doors were bolted secure Never to this day has Madame Beck
obtained satisfaction on this point nor indeed has anybody else concerned save
and excepting one Lucy Snowe who could not forget how to facilitate a certain
enterprise a certain great door had been drawn softly to its lintel closed
indeed but neither bolted nor secure The thundering carriageandpair
encountered were now likewise recalled as well as that puzzling signal the
waved handkerchief
From these premises and one or two others inaccessible to any but myself
I could draw but one inference It was a case of elopement Morally certain on
this head and seeing Madame Becks profound embarrassment I at last
communicated my conviction Having alluded to M de Hamals suit I found as I
expected that Madame Beck was perfectly au fait to that affair She had long
since discussed it with Mrs Cholmondeley and laid her own responsibility in
the business on that ladys shoulders To Mrs Cholmondeley and M de
Bassompierre she now had recourse
We found that the Hotel Crécy was already alive to what had happened
Ginevra had written to her cousin Paulina vaguely signifying hymeneal
intentions communications had been received from the family of de Hamal M de
Bassompierre was on the track of the fugitives He overtook them too late
In the course of the week the post brought me a note I may as well
transcribe it it contains explanation on more than one point
»Dear old Tim« short for Timon »I am off you see gone like a
shot Alfred and I intended to be married in this way almost from the
first we never meant to be spliced in the humdrum way of other people
Alfred has too much spirit for that and so have I Dieu merci Do you
know Alfred who used to call you the dragon has seen so much of you
during the last few months that he begins to feel quite friendly
towards you He hopes you wont miss him now that he is gone he begs to
apologize for any little trouble he may have given you He is afraid he
rather inconvenienced you once when he came upon you in the grenier
just as you were reading a letter seemingly of the most special
interest but he could not resist the temptation to give you a start
you appeared so wonderfully taken up with your correspondent En
revanche he says you once frightened him by rushing in for a dress or a
shawl or some other chiffon at the moment when he had struck a light
and was going to take a quiet whiff of his cigar while waiting for me
Do you begin to comprehend by this time that M le Comte de Hamal
was the nun of the attic and that he came to see your humble servant I
will tell you how he managed it You know he has the entrée of the
Athenée where two or three of his nephews the sons of his eldest
sister Madame de Melcy are students You know the court of the Athénée
is on the other side of the high wall bounding your walk the allée
défendue Alfred can climb as well as he can dance or fence his
amusement was to make the escalade of our pensionnat by mounting first
the wall then by the aid of that high tree overspreading the grand
berceau and resting some of its boughs on the roof of the lower
buildings of our premises he managed to scale the first classe and the
grande salle One night by the way he fell out of this tree tore down
some of the branches nearly broke his own neck and after all in
running away got a terrible fright and was nearly caught by two
people Madame Beck and M Emanuel he thinks walking in the alley
From the grande salle the ascent is not difficult to the highest block
of building finishing in the great garret The skylight you know is
day and night left half open for air by the sky light he entered
Nearly a year ago I chanced to tell him our legend of the nun that
suggested his romantic idea of the spectral disguise which I think you
must allow he has very cleverly carried out
But for the nuns black gown and white veil he would have been
caught again and again both by you and that tigerJesuit M Paul He
thinks you both capital ghostseers and very brave What I wonder at
is rather your secretiveness than your courage How could you endure
the visitations of that long spectre time after time without crying
out telling everybody and rousing the whole house and neighbourhood
Oh and how did you like the nun as a bed fellow I dressed her up
didnt I do it well Did you shriek when you saw her I should have
gone mad but then you have such nerves real iron and bend leather I
believe you feel nothing You havent the same sensitiveness that a
person of my constitution has You seem to me insensible both to pain
and fear and grief You are a real old Diogenes
Well dear grandmother and are you not mightily angry at my
moonlight flitting and run away match I assure you it is excellent
fun and I did it partly to spite that minx Paulina and that bear Dr
John to show them that with all their airs I could get married as
well as they M de Bassompierre was at first in a strange fume with
Alfred he threatened a prosecution for détournement de mineur and I
know not what he was so abominably in earnest that I found myself
forced to do a little bit of the melodramatic go down on my knees
sob cry drench three pockethandkerchiefs Of course mon oncle soon
gave in indeed where was the use of making a fuss I am married and
thats all about it He still says our marriage is not legal because I
am not of age forsooth As if that made any difference I am just as
much married as if I were a hundred However we are to be married
again and I am to have a trousseau and Mrs Cholmondeley is going to
superintend it and there are some hopes that M de Bassompierre will
give me a decent portion which will be very convenient as dear Alfred
has nothing but his nobility native and hereditary and his pay I only
wish uncle would do things unconditionally in a generous
gentlemanlike fashion he is so disagreeable as to make the dowry
depend on Alfreds giving his written promise that he will never touch
cards or dice from the day it is paid down They accuse my angel of a
tendency to play I dont know anything about that but I do know he is
a dear adorable creature
I cannot sufficiently extol the genius with which De Hamal managed
our flight How clever in him to select the night of the fête when
Madame for he knows her habits as he said would infallibly be absent
at the concert in the park I suppose you must have gone with her I
watched you rise and leave the dormitory about eleven oclock How you
returned alone and on foot I cannot conjecture That surely was you we
met in the narrow old Rue St Jean Did you see me wave my handkerchief
from the carriage window
Adieu Rejoice in my good luck congratulate me on my supreme
happiness and believe me dear cynic and misanthrope yours in the
best of health and spirits
GINEVRA LAURA DE HAMAL
née FANSHAWE
PS Remember I am a countess now Papa mama and the girls at home
will be delighted to hear that My daughter the Countess My sister
the Countess Bravo Sounds rather better than Mrs John Bretton hein«
In winding up Mistress Fanshawes memoirs the reader will no doubt expect to
hear that she came finally to bitter expiation of her youthful levities Of
course a large share of suffering lies in reserve for her future
A few words will embody my farther knowledge respecting her
I saw her towards the close of her honeymoon She called on Madame Beck and
sent for me into the salon She rushed into my arms laughing She looked very
blooming and beautiful her curls were longer her cheeks rosier than ever her
white bonnet and her Flanders veil her orange flowers and her brides dress
became her mightily
»I have got my portion« she cried at once Ginevra ever stuck to the
substantial I always thought there was a good trading element in her
composition much as she scorned the bourgeoisie »and uncle de Bassompiere is
quite reconciled I dont mind his calling Alfred a nincompoop thats only his
coarse Scotch breeding and I believe Paulina envies me and Dr John is wild
with jealousy fit to blow his brains out and Im so happy I really think
Ive hardly anything left to wish for unless it be a carriage and a hotel and
oh I must introduce you to mon mari Alfred come here«
And Alfred appeared from the inner salon where he was talking to Madame
Beck receiving the blended felicitations and reprimands of that lady I was
presented under my various names the Dragon Diogenes and Timon The young
Colonel was very polite He made me a prettilyturned neatlyworded apology
about the ghostvisits etc concluding with saying that »the best excuse for
all his iniquities stood there« pointing to his bride
And then the bride sent him back to Madame Beck and she took me to herself
and proceeded literally to suffocate me with her unrestrained spirits her
girlish giddy wild nonsense She showed her ring exultingly she called
herself Madame la Comtesse de Hamal and asked how it sounded a score of times
I said very little I gave her only the crust and rind of my nature No matter
she expected of me nothing better she knew me too well to look for compliments
my dry gibes pleased her well enough and the more impassible and prosaic my
mien the more merrily she laughed
Soon after his marriage M de Hamal was persuaded to leave the army as the
surest way of weaning him from certain unprofitable associates and habits a
post of attaché was procured for him and he and his young wife went abroad I
thought she would forget me now but she did not For many years she kept up a
capricious fitful sort of correspondence During the first year or two it was
only of herself and Alfred she wrote then Alfred faded in the background
herself and a certain new comer prevailed one Alfred Fanshawe de Bassompierre
de Hamal began to reign in his fathers stead There were great boastings about
this personage extravagant amplifications upon miracles of precocity mixed
with vehement objurgations against the phlegmatic incredulity with which I
received them I didnt know »what it was to be a mother« »unfeeling thing that
I was the sensibilities of the maternal heart were Greek and Hebrew to me« and
so on In due course of nature this young gentleman took his degrees in
teething measles hoopingcough that was a terrible time for me the mamas
letters became a perfect shout of affliction never woman was so put upon by
calamity never human being stood in such need of sympathy I was frightened at
first and wrote back pathetically but I soon found out there was more cry than
wool in the business and relapsed into my natural cruel insensibility As to
the youthful sufferer he weathered each storm like a hero Five times was that
youth »in articulo mortis« and five times did he miraculously revive
In the course of years there arose ominous murmurings against Alfred the
First M de Bassompierre had to be appealed to debts had to be paid some of
them of that dismal and dingy order called debts of honour ignoble plaints and
difficulties became frequent Under every cloud no matter what its nature
Ginevra as of old called out lustily for sympathy and aid She had no notion
of meeting any distress singlehanded In some shape from some quarter or
other she was pretty sure to obtain her will and so she got on fighting the
battle of life by proxy and on the whole suffering as little as any human
being I have ever known
Chapter XLI
Faubourg Clotilde
Must I ere I close render some account of that Freedom and Renovation which I
won on the fêtenight Must I tell how I and the two stalwart companions I
brought home from the illuminated park bore the test of intimate acquaintance
I tried them the very next day They had boasted their strength loudly when
they reclaimed me from love and its bondage but upon my demanding deeds not
words some evidence of better comfort some experience of a relieved life
Freedom excused himself as for the present impoverished and disabled to
assist and Renovation never spoke he had died in the night suddenly
I had nothing left for it then but to trust secretly that conjecture might
have hurried me too fast and too far to sustain the oppressive hour by
reminders of the distorting and discolouring magic of jealousy After a short
and vain struggle I found myself brought back captive to the old rack of
suspense tied down and strained anew
Shall I yet see him before he goes Will he bear me in mind Does he purpose
to come Will this day will the next hour bring him or must I again assay
that corroding pain of long attent that rude agony of rupture at the close
that mute mortal wrench which in at once uprooting hope and doubt shakes
life while the hand that does the violence cannot be caressed to pity because
absence interposes her barrier
It was the Feast of the Assumption no school was held The boarders and
teachers after attending mass in the morning were gone a long walk into the
country to take their goûter or afternoon meal at some farmhouse I did not go
with them for now but two days remained ere the Paul et Virginie must sail and
I was clinging to my last chance as the living waif of a wreck clings to his
last raft or cable
There was some joiners work to do in the first classe some bench or desk
to repair holidays were often turned to account for the performance of these
operations which could not be executed when the rooms were filled with pupils
As I sat solitary purposing to adjourn to the garden and leave the coast clear
but too listless to fulfil my own intent I heard the workman coming
Foreign artizans and servants do everything by couples I believe it would
take two Labassecourien carpenters to drive a nail While tying on my bonnet
which had hitherto hung by its ribbons from my idle hand I vaguely and
momentarily wondered to hear the step of but one ouvrier I noted too as
captives in dungeons find sometimes dreary leisure to note the merest trifles
that this man wore shoes and not sabots I concluded that it must be the
mastercarpenter coming to inspect before he sent his journeymen I threw
round me my scarf He advanced he opened the door my back was towards it I
felt a little thrill a curious sensation too quick and transient to be
analyzed I turned I stood in the supposed masterartizans presence looking
towards the doorway I saw it filled with a figure and my eyes printed upon my
brain the picture of M Paul
Hundreds of the prayers with which we weary Heaven bring to the suppliant
no fulfilment Once haply in life one golden gift falls prone in the lap one
boon full and bright perfect from Fruitions mint
M Emanuel wore the dress in which he probably purposed to travel a
surtout guarded with velvet I thought him prepared for instant departure and
yet I had understood that two days were yet to run before the ship sailed He
looked well and cheerful He looked kind and benign he came in with eagerness
he was close to me in one second he was all amity It might be his
bridegroommood which thus brightened him Whatever the cause I could not meet
his sunshine with cloud If this were my last moment with him I would not waste
it in forced unnatural distance I loved him well too well not to smite out
of my path even Jealousy herself when she would have obstructed a kind
farewell A cordial word from his lips or a gentle look from his eyes would do
me good for all the span of life that remained to me it would be comfort in
the last strait of loneliness I would take it I would taste the elixir and
pride should not spill the cup
The interview would be short of course he would say to me just what he had
said to each of the assembled pupils he would take and hold my hand two
minutes he would touch my cheek with his lips for the first last only time
and then no more Then indeed the final parting then the wide separation
the great gulf I could not pass to go to him across which haply he would not
glance to remember me
He took my hand in one of his with the other he put back my bonnet he
looked into my face his luminous smile went out his lips expressed something
almost like the wordless language of a mother who finds a child greatly and
unexpectedly changed broken with illness or wornout by want A check
supervened
»Paul Paul« said a womans hurried voice behind »Paul come into the
salon I have yet a great many things to say to you conversation for the whole
day and so has Victor and Josef is here Come Paul come to your friends«
Madame Beck brought to the spot by vigilance or an inscrutable instinct
pressed so near she almost thrust herself between me and M Emanuel »Come
Paul« she reiterated her eye grazing me with its hard ray like a steel stylet
She pushed against her kinsman I thought he receded I thought he would go
Pierced deeper than I could endure made now to feel what defied suppression I
cried
»My heart will break«
What I felt seemed literal heartbreak but the seal of another fountain
yielded under the strain one breath from M Paul the whisper »Trust me«
lifted a load opened an outlet With many a deep sob with thrilling with icy
shiver with strong trembling and yet with relief I wept
»Leave her to me it is a crisis I will give her a cordial and it will
pass« said the calm Madame Beck
To be left to her and her cordial seemed to me something like being left to
the poisoner and her bowl When M Paul answered deeply harshly and briefly
»Laissezmoi« in the grim sound I felt a music strange strong but
lifegiving
»Laissezmoi« he repeated his nostrils opening and his facial muscles all
quivering as he spoke
»But this will never do« said Madame with sternness More sternly rejoined
her kinsman
»Sortez dici«
»I will send for Père Silas on the spot I will send for him« she
threatened pertinaciously
»Femme« cried the professor not now in his deep tones but in his highest
and most excited key »Femme sortez à linstant«
He was roused and I loved him in his wrath with a passion beyond what I had
yet felt
»What you do is wrong« pursued Madame »it is an act characteristic of men
of your unreliable imaginative temperament a step impulsive injudicious
inconsistent a proceeding vexatious and not estimable in the view of persons
of steadier and more resolute character«
»You know not what I have of steady and resolute in me« said he »but you
shall see the event shall teach you Modeste« he continued less fiercely »be
gentle be pitying be a woman look at this poor face and relent You know I
am your friend and the friend of your friends in spite of your taunts you
well and deeply know I may be trusted Of sacrificing myself I made no
difficulty but my heart is pained by what I see it must have and give solace
Leave me«
This time in the »leave me« there was an intonation so bitter and so
imperative I wondered that even Madame Beck herself could for one moment delay
obedience but she stood firm she gazed upon him dauntless she met his eye
forbidding and fixed as stone She was opening her lips to retort I saw over
all M Pauls face a quick rising light and fire I can hardly tell how he
managed the movement it did not seem violent it kept the form of courtesy he
gave his hand it scarce touched her I thought she ran she whirled from the
room she was gone and the door shut in one second
This flash of passion was all over very soon He smiled as he told me to
wipe my eyes he waited quietly till I was calm dropping from time to time a
stilling solacing word Ere long I sat beside him once more myself reassured
not desperate nor yet desolate not friendless not hopeless not sick of
life and seeking death
»It made you very sad then to lose your friend« said he
»It kills me to be forgotten monsieur« I said »All these weary days I
have not heard from you one word and I was crushed with the possibility
growing to certainty that you would depart without saying farewell«
»Must I tell you what I told Modeste Beck that you do not know me Must I
show and teach you my character You will have proof that I can be a firm
friend Without clear proof this hand will not lie still in mine it will not
trust my shoulder as a safe stay Good The proof is ready I come to justify
myself«
»Say anything teach anything prove anything monsieur I can listen now«
»Then in the first place you must go out with me a good distance into the
town I came on purpose to fetch you«
Without questioning his meaning or sounding his plan or offering the
semblance of an objection I retied my bonnet I was ready
The route he took was by the boulevards he several times made me sit down
on the seats stationed under the limetrees he did not ask if I was tired but
looked and drew his own conclusions
»All these weary days« said he repeating my words with a gentle kindly
mimicry of my voice and foreign accent not new from his lips and of which the
playful banter never wounded not even when coupled as it often was with the
assertion that however I might write his language I spoke and always should
speak it imperfectly and hesitatingly »All these weary days I have not for one
hour forgotten you Faithful women err in this that they think themselves the
sole faithful of Gods creatures On a very fervent and living truth to myself
I too till lately scarce dared count from any quarter but look at me«
I lifted my happy eyes they were happy now or they would have been no
interpreters of my heart
»Well« said he after some seconds scrutiny »there is no denying that
signature Constancy wrote it her pen is of iron Was the record painful«
»Severely painful« I said with truth »Withdraw her hand monsieur I can
bear its inscribing force no more«
»Elle est toute pâle« said he speaking to himself »cette figure là me
fait mal«
»Ah I am not pleasant to look at «
I could not help saying this the words came unbidden I never remember the
time when I had not a haunting dread of what might be the degree of my outward
deficiency this dread pressed me at the moment with special force
A great softness passed upon his countenance his violet eyes grew suffused
and glistening under their deep Spanish lashes he started up »Let us walk on«
»Do I displease your eyes much« I took courage to urge the point had its
vital import for me
He stopped and gave me a short strong answer an answer which silenced
subdued yet profoundly satisfied Ever after that I knew what I was for him
and what I might be for the rest of the world I ceased painfully to care Was
it weak to lay so much stress on an opinion about appearance I fear it might be
I fear it was but in that case I must avow no light share of weakness I must
own a great fear of displeasing a strong wish moderately to please M Paul
Whither we rambled I scarce know Our walk was long yet seemed short the
path was pleasant the day lovely M Emanuel talked of his voyage he thought
of staying away three years On his return from Guadaloupe he looked forward to
release from liabilities and a clear course and what did I purpose doing in the
interval of his absence he asked I had talked once he reminded me of trying
to be independent and keeping a little school of my own had I dropped the idea
»Indeed I had not I was doing my best to save what would enable me to put
it in practice«
»He did not like leaving me in the Rue Fossette he feared I should miss him
there too much I should feel desolate I should grow sad «
This was certain but I promised to do my best to endure
»Still« said he speaking low »there is another objection to your present
residence I should wish to write to you sometimes it would not be well to have
any uncertainty about the safe transmission of letters and in the Rue Fossette
in short our Catholic discipline in certain matters though justifiable and
expedient might possibly under peculiar circumstances become liable to
misapplication perhaps abuse«
»But if you write« said I »I must have your letters and I will have them
ten directors twenty directresses shall not keep them from me I am a
Protestant I will not bear that kind of discipline monsieur I will not«
»Doucement doucement« rejoined he »we will contrive a plan we have our
resources soyez tranquille«
So speaking he paused
We were now returning from the long walk We had reached the middle of a
clean Faubourg where the houses were small but looked pleasant It was before
the white doorstep of a very neat abode that M Paul had halted
»I call here« said he
He did not knock but taking from his pocket a key he opened and entered at
once Ushering me in he shut the door behind us No servant appeared The
vestibule was small like the house but freshly and tastefully painted its
vista closed in a French window with vines trained about the panes tendrils
and green leaves kissing the glass Silence reigned in this dwelling
Opening an inner door M Paul disclosed a parlour or salon very tiny
but I thought very pretty Its delicate walls were tinged like a blush its
floor was waxed a square of brilliant carpet covered its centre its small
round table shone like the mirror over its hearth there was a little couch a
little chiffonière the halfopen crimsonsilk door of which showed porcelain
on the shelves there was a French clock a lamp there were ornaments in
biscuit china the recess of the single ample window was filled with a green
stand bearing three green flowerpots each filled with a fine plant glowing in
bloom in one corner appeared a guéridon with a marble top and upon it a
workbox and a glass filled with violets in water The lattice of this room was
open the outer air breathing through gave freshness the sweet violets lent
fragrance
»Pretty pretty place« said IM Paul smiled to see me so pleased
»Must we sit down here and wait« I asked in a whisper halfawed by the
deeppervading hush
»We will first peep into one or two other nooks of this nutshell« he
replied
»Dare you take the freedom of going all over the house« I inquired
»Yes I dare« said he quietly
He led the way I was shown a little kitchen with a little stove and oven
with few but bright brasses two chairs and a table A small cupboard held a
diminutive but commodious set of earthenware
»There is a coffee service of china in the salon« said M Paul as I looked
at the six green and white dinnerplates the four dishes the cups and jugs to
match
Conducted up the narrow but clean staircase I was permitted a glimpse of
two pretty cabinets of sleeping rooms finally I was once more led below and
we halted with a certain ceremony before a larger door than had yet been opened
Producing a second key M Emanuel adjusted it to the lock of this door He
opened put me in before him
»Voici« he cried
I found myself in a goodsized apartment scrupulously clean though bare
compared with those I had hitherto seen The wellscoured boards were
carpetless it contained two rows of green benches and desks with an alley down
the centre terminating in an estrade a teachers chair and table behind them
a tableau On the walls hung two maps in the windows flowered a few hardy
plants in short here was a miniature classe complete neat pleasant
»It is a school then« said I »Who keeps it I never heard of an
establishment in this faubourg«
»Will you have the goodness to accept of a few prospectuses for distribution
in behalf of a friend of mine« asked he taking from his surtoutpocket some
quires of these documents and putting them into my hand I looked I read
printed in fair characters
»Externat de demoiselles Numéro 7 Faubourg Clotilde Directrice
Mademoiselle Lucy Snowe«
And what did I say to M Paul Emanuel
Certain junctures of our lives must always be difficult of recall to memory
Certain points crises certain feelings joys griefs and amazements when
reviewed must strike us as things wildered and whirling dim as a wheel fast
spun
I can no more remember the thoughts or the words of the ten minutes
succeeding this disclosure than I can retrace the experience of my earliest
year of life and yet the first thing distinct to me is the consciousness that I
was speaking very fast repeating over and over again
»Did you do this M Paul Is this your house Did you furnish it Did you
get these papers printed Do you mean me Am I the directress Is there another
Lucy Snowe Tell me say something«
But he would not speak His pleased silence his laughing downlook his
attitude are visible to me now
»How is it I must know all all« I cried
The packet of papers fell on the floor He had extended his hand and I had
fastened thereon oblivious of all else
»Ah you said I had forgotten you all these weary days« said he »Poor old
Emanuel These are the thanks he gets for trudging about three mortal weeks from
housepainter to upholsterer from cabinetmaker to charwoman Lucy and Lucys
cot the sole thoughts in his head«
I hardly knew what to do I first caressed the soft velvet on his cuff and
then I stroked the hand it surrounded It was his foresight his goodness his
silent strong effective goodness that overpowered me by their proved reality
It was the assurance of his sleepless interest which broke on me like a light
from heaven it was his I will dare to say it his fond tender look which now
shook me indescribably In the midst of all I forced myself to look at the
practical
»The trouble« I cried »and the cost Had you money M Paul«
»Plenty of money« said he heartily »The disposal of my large
teachingconnection put me in possession of a handsome sum with part of it I
determined to give myself the richest treat that I have known or shall know I
like this I have reckoned on this hour day and night lately I would not come
near you because I would not forestal it Reserve is neither my virtue nor my
vice If I had put myself into your power and you had begun with your questions
of look and lip Where have you been M Paul What have you been doing What
is your mystery my solitary first and last secret would presently have
unravelled itself in your lap Now« he pursued »you shall live here and have a
school you shall employ yourself while I am away you shall think of me
sometimes you shall mind your health and happiness for my sake and when I come
back «
There he left a blank
I promised to do all he told me I promised to work hard and willingly »I
will be your faithful steward« I said »I trust at your coming the account will
be ready Monsieur monsieur you are too good«
In such inadequate language my feelings struggled for expression they could
not get it speech brittle and unmalleable and cold as ice dissolved or
shivered in the effort He watched me still he gently raised his hand to stroke
my hair it touched my lips in passing I pressed it close I paid it tribute
He was my king royal for me had been that hands bounty to offer homage was
both a joy and a duty
The afternoon hours were over and the stiller time of evening shaded the
quiet faubourg M Paul claimed my hospitality occupied and afoot since
morning he needed refreshment he said I should offer him chocolate in my
pretty gold and white china service He went out and ordered what was needful
from the restaurant he placed the small guéridon and two chairs in the balcony
outside the French window under the screening vines With what shy joy I
accepted my part as hostess arranged the salver served the benefactorguest
This balcony was in the rear of the house the gardens of the faubourg were
round us fields extended beyond The air was still mild and fresh Above the
poplars the laurels the cypresses and the roses looked up a moon so lovely
and so halcyon the heart trembled under her smile a star shone subject beside
her with the unemulous ray of pure love In a large garden near us a jet rose
from a well and a pale statue leaned over the play of waters
M Paul talked to me His voice was so modulated that it mixed harmonious
with the silver whisper the gush the musical sigh in which light breeze
fountain and foliage intoned their lulling vesper
Happy hour stay one moment droop those plumes rest those wings incline
to mine that brow of Heaven White Angel let thy light linger leave its
reflection on succeeding clouds bequeath its cheer to that time which needs a
ray in retrospect
Our meal was simple the chocolate the rolls the plate of fresh summer
fruit cherries and strawberries bedded in green leaves formed the whole but
it was what we both liked better than a feast and I took a delight
inexpressible in tending M Paul I asked him whether his friends Père Silas
and Madame Beck knew what he had done whether they had seen my house
»Mon amie« said he »none knows what I have done save you and myself the
pleasure is consecrated to us two unshared and unprofaned To speak truth
there has been to me in this matter a refinement of enjoyment I would not make
vulgar by communication Besides« smiling »I wanted to prove to Miss Lucy
that I could keep a secret How often has she taunted me with lack of dignified
reserve and needful caution How many times has she saucily insinuated that all
my affairs are the secret of Polichinelle«
This was true enough I had not spared him on this point nor perhaps on any
other that was assailable Magnificentminded grandhearted dear faulty
little man You deserved candour and from me always had it
Continuing my queries I asked to whom the house belonged who was my
landlord the amount of my rent He instantly gave me these particulars in
writing he had foreseen and prepared all things
The house was not M Pauls that I guessed he was hardly the man to
become a proprietor I more than suspected in him a lamentable absence of the
saving faculty he could get but not keep he needed a treasurer The tenement
then belonged to a citizen in the BasseVille a man of substance, M Paul
said he startled me by adding »a friend of yours Miss Lucy a person who has
a most respectful regard for you« And to my pleasant surprise I found the
landlord was none other than M Miret the shorttempered and kindhearted
bookseller who had so kindly found me a seat that eventful night in the Park
It seems M Miret was in his station rich as well as much respected and
possessed several houses in this faubourg the rent was moderate scarce half of
what it would have been for a house of equal size nearer the centre of
Villette
»And then« observed M Paul »should fortune not favour you though I think
she will I have the satisfaction to think you are in good hands M Miret will
not be extortionate the first years rent you already have in your savings
afterwards Miss Lucy must trust God and herself But now what will you do for
pupils«
»I must distribute my prospectuses«
»Right By way of losing no time I gave one to M Miret yesterday Should
you object to beginning with three petite bourgeoises the Demoiselles Miret
They are at your service«
»Monsieur you forget nothing you are wonderful Object It would become me
indeed to object I suppose I hardly expect at the outset to number aristocrats
in my little dayschool I care not if they never come I shall be proud to
receive M Mirets daughters«
»Besides these« pursued he »another pupil offers who will come daily to
take lessons in English and as she is rich she will pay handsomely I mean my
goddaughter and ward Justine Marie Sauveur«
What is in a name what in three words Till this moment I had listened
with living joy I had answered with gleeful quickness a name froze me three
words struck me mute The effect could not be hidden and indeed I scarce tried
to hide it
»What now« said M Paul
»Nothing«
»Nothing Your countenance changes your colour and your very eyes fade
Nothing You must be ill you have some suffering tell me what«
I had nothing to tell
He drew his chair nearer He did not grow vexed though I continued silent
and icy He tried to win a word he entreated with perseverance he waited with
patience
»Justine Marie is a good girl« said he »docile and amiable not quick
but you will like her«
»I think not I think she must not come here« Such was my speech
»Do you wish to puzzle me Do you know her But in truth there is
something Again you are pale as that statue Rely on Paul Carlos tell him the
grief«
His chair touched mine his hand quietly advanced turned me towards him
»Do you know Marie Justine« said he again
The name repronounced by his lips overcame me unaccountably It did not
prostrate no it stirred me up running with haste and heat through my veins
recalling an hour of quick pain many days and nights of heartsickness Near
me as he now sat strongly and closely as he had long twined his life in mine
far as had progressed and near as was achieved our minds' and affections
assimilation the very suggestion of interference of heartseparation could
be heard only with a fermenting excitement an impetuous throe a disdainful
resolve an ire a resistance of which no human eye or cheek could hide the
flame nor any truthaccustomed human tongue curb the cry
»I want to tell you something« I said »I want to tell you all«
»Speak Lucy come near speak Who prizes you if I do not Who is your
friend if not Emanuel Speak«
I spoke All leaped from my lips I lacked not words now fast I narrated
fluent I told my tale it streamed on my tongue I went back to the night in the
park I mentioned the medicated draught why it was given its goading effect
how it had torn rest from under my head shaken me from my couch carried me
abroad with the lure of a vivid yet solemn fancy a summernight solitude on
turf under trees near a deep cool lakelet I told the scene realized the
crowd the masques the music the lamps the splendours the guns booming afar
the bells sounding on high All I had encountered I detailed all I had
recognized heard and seen how I had beheld and watched himself how I
listened how much heard what conjectured the whole history in brief
summoned to his confidence rushed thither truthful literal ardent bitter
Still as I narrated instead of checking he incited me to proceed he
spurred me by the gesture the smile the halfword Before I had half done he
held both my hands he consulted my eyes with a most piercing glance there was
something in his face which tended neither to calm nor to put me down he forgot
his own doctrine he forsook his own system of repression when I most challenged
its exercise I think I deserved strong reproof but when have we our deserts I
merited severity he looked indulgence To my very self I seemed imperious and
unreasonable for I forbade Justine Marie my door and roof he smiled betraying
delight Warm jealous and haughty I knew not till now that my nature had such
a mood he gathered me near his heart I was full of faults he took them and me
all home For the moment of utmost mutiny he reserved the one deep spell of
peace These words caressed my ear
»Lucy take my love One day share my life Be my dearest first on earth«
We walked back to the Rue Fossette by moonlight such moonlight as fell on
Eden shining through the shades of the Great Garden and haply gilding a path
glorious for a step divine a Presence nameless Once in their lives some men
and women go back to these first fresh days of our great Sire and Mother taste
that grand mornings dew bathe in its sunrise
In the course of the walk I was told how Justine Marie Sauveur had always
been regarded with the affection proper to a daughter how with M Pauls
consent she had been affianced for months to one Heinrich Mülher a wealthy
young German merchant and was to be married in the course of a year Some of M
Emanuels relations and connections would indeed it seems have liked him to
marry her with a view to securing her fortune in the family but to himself the
scheme was repugnant and the idea totally inadmissible
We reached Madame Becks door Jean Baptistes clock tolled nine At this
hour in this house eighteen months since had this man at my side bent before
me looked into my face and eyes and arbitered my destiny This very evening he
had again stooped gazed and decreed How different the look how far otherwise
the fate
He deemed me born under his star he seemed to have spread over me its beam
like a banner Once unknown and unloved I held him harsh and strange the
low stature the wiry make the angles the darkness the manner displeased me
Now penetrated with his influence and living by his affection having his
worth by intellect and his goodness by heart I preferred him before all
humanity
We parted he gave me his pledge and then his farewell We parted the next
day he sailed
Chapter XLII
Finis
Man cannot prophecy Love is no oracle Fear sometimes imagines a vain thing
Those years of absence How had I sickened over their anticipation The woe they
must bring seemed certain as death I knew the nature of their course I never
had doubt how it would harrow as it went The Juggernaut on his car towered
there a grim load Seeing him draw nigh burying his broad wheels in the
oppressed soil I the prostrate votary felt beforehand the annihilating
craunch
Strange to say strange yet true and owning many parallels in lifes
experience that anticipatory craunch proved all yes nearly all the
torture The great Juggernaut in his great chariot drew on lofty loud and
sullen He passed quietly like a shadow sweeping the sky at noon Nothing but
a chilling dimness was seen or felt I looked up Chariot and demon charioteer
were gone by the votary still lived
M Emanuel was away three years Reader they were the three happiest years
of my life Do you scout the paradox Listen
I commenced my school I worked I worked hard I deemed myself the steward
of his property and determined God willing to render a good account Pupils
came burghers at first a higher class ere long About the middle of the
second year an unexpected chance threw into my hands an additional hundred
pounds one day I received from England a letter containing that sum It came
from Mr Marchmont the cousin and heir of my dear and dead mistress He was
just recovering from a dangerous illness the money was a peaceoffering to his
conscience reproaching him in the matter of I know not what papers or
memoranda found after his kinswomans death naming or recommending Lucy Snowe
Mrs Barrett had given him my address How far his conscience had been sinned
against I never inquired I asked no questions but took the cash and made it
useful
With this hundred pounds I ventured to take the house adjoining mine I
would not leave that which M Paul had chosen in which he had left and where
he expected again to find me My externat became a pensionnat that also
prospered
The secret of my success did not lie so much in myself in any endowment
any power of mine as in a new state of circumstances a wonderfully changed
life a relieved heart The spring which moved my energies lay far away beyond
seas in an Indian isle At parting I had been left a legacy such a thought
for the present such a hope for the future such a motive for a persevering a
laborious an enterprising a patient and a brave course I could not flag Few
things shook me now few things had importance to vex intimidate or depress
me most things pleased mere trifles had a charm
Do not think that this genial flame sustained itself, or lived wholly on a
bequeathed hope or a parting promise A generous provider supplied bounteous
fuel I was spared all chill all stint I was not suffered to fear penury I
was not tried with suspense By every vessel he wrote he wrote as he gave and
as he loved in fullhanded fullhearted plenitude He wrote because he liked
to write he did not abridge because he cared not to abridge He sat down he
took pen and paper because he loved Lucy and had much to say to her because he
was faithful and thoughtful because he was tender and true There was no sham
and no cheat and no hollow unreal in him Apology never dropped her slippery
oil on his lips never proffered by his pen her coward feints and paltry
nullities he would give neither a stone nor an excuse neither a scorpion
nor a disappointment his letters were real food that nourished living water
that refreshed
And was I grateful God knows I believe that scarce a living being so
remembered so sustained dealt with in kind so constant honourable and noble
could be otherwise than grateful to the death
Adherent to his own religion in him was not the stuff of which is made the
facile apostate he freely left me my pure faith He did not teaze nor tempt
He said
»Remain a Protestant My little English Puritan I love Protestantism in
you I own its severe charm There is something in its ritual I cannot receive
myself but it is the sole creed for Lucy«
All Rome could not put into him bigotry nor the Propaganda itself make him
a real Jesuit He was born honest and not false artless and not cunning a
freeman and not a slave His tenderness had rendered him ductile in a priests
hands his affection his devotedness his sincere pious enthusiasm blinded his
kind eyes sometimes made him abandon justice to himself to do the work of
craft and serve the ends of selfishness but these are faults so rare to find
so costly to their owner to indulge we scarce know whether they will not one
day be reckoned amongst the jewels
And now the three years are past M Emanuels return is fixed It is Autumn he
is to be with me ere the mists of November come My school flourishes my house
is ready I have made him a little library filled its shelves with the books he
left in my care I have cultivated out of love for him I was naturally no
florist the plants he preferred and some of them are yet in bloom I thought I
loved him when he went away I love him now in another degree he is more my
own
The sun passes the equinox the days shorten the leaves grow sere but he
is coming
Frosts appear at night November has sent his fogs in advance the wind
takes its autumn moan but he is coming
The skies hang full and dark a rack sails from the west the clouds cast
themselves into strange forms arches and broad radiations there rise
resplendent mornings glorious royal purple as monarch in his state the
heavens are one flame so wild are they they rival battle at its thickest so
bloody they shame Victory in her pride I know some signs of the sky I have
noted them ever since childhood God watch that sail Oh guard it
The wind shifts to the west Peace peace Banshee keening at every
window It will rise it will swell it shrieks out long wander as I may
through the house this night I cannot lull the blast The advancing hours make
it strong by midnight all sleepless watchers hear and fear a wild southwest
storm
That storm roared frenzied for seven days It did not cease till the
Atlantic was strewn with wrecks it did not lull till the deeps had gorged their
fall of sustenance Not till the destroying angel of tempest had achieved his
perfect work would he fold the wings whose waft was thunder the tremor of
whose plumes was storm
Peace be still Oh a thousand weepers praying in agony on waiting shores
listened for that voice but it was not uttered not uttered till when the
hush came some could not fell it till when the sun returned his light was
night to some
Here pause pause at once There is enough said Trouble no quiet kind
heart leave sunny imaginations hope Let it be theirs to conceive the delight
of joy born again fresh out of great terror the rapture of rescue from peril
the wondrous reprieve from dread the fruition of return Let them picture union
and a happy succeeding life
Madame Beck prospered all the days of her life so did Père Silas Madame
Walravens fulfilled her ninetieth year before she died Farewell