CASTLE RACKRENT
by Maria Edgeworth
AUTHORS PREFACE
The Prevailing taste of the public for anecdote has been censured and ridiculed by critics who aspire to the character of superior wisdom but if we consider it in a proper point of view this taste is an incontestable proof of the good sense and profoundly philosophic temper of the present times Of the numbers who study or at least who read history how few derive any advantage from their labours The heroes of history are so decked out by the fine fancy of the professed historian they talk in such measured prose and act from such sublime or such diabolical motives that few have sufficient taste wickedness or heroism to sympathise in their fate Besides there is much uncertainty even in the best authenticated ancient or modern histories and that love of truth which in some minds is innate and immutable necessarily leads to a love of secret memoirs and private anecdotes We cannot judge either of the feelings or of the characters of men with perfect accuracy from their actions or their appearance in public it is from their careless conversations their halffinished sentences that we may hope with the greatest probability of success to discover their real characters The life of a great or of a little man written by himself the familiar letters the diary of any individual published by his friends or by his enemies after his decease are esteemed important literary curiosities We are surely justified in this eager desire to collect the most minute facts relative to the domestic lives not only of the great and good but even of the worthless and insignificant since it is only by a comparison of their actual happiness or misery in the privacy of domestic life that we can form a just estimate of the real reward of virtue or the real punishment of vice That the great are not as happy as they seem that the external circumstances of fortune and rank do not constitute felicity is asserted by every moralist the historian can seldom consistently with his dignity pause to illustrate this truth it is therefore to the biographer we must have recourse After we have beheld splendid characters playing their parts on the great theatre of the world with all the advantages of stage effect and decoration we anxiously beg to be admitted behind the scenes that we may take a nearer view of the actors and actresses
Some may perhaps imagine that the value of biography depends upon the judgment and taste of the biographer but on the contrary it may be maintained that the merits of a biographer are inversely as the extent of his intellectual powers and of his literary talents A plain unvarnished tale is preferable to the most highly ornamented narrative Where we see that a man has the power we may naturally suspect that he has the will to deceive us and those who are used to literary manufacture know how much is often sacrificed to the rounding of a period or the pointing of an antithesis
That the ignorant may have their prejudices as well as the learned cannot be disputed but we see and despise vulgar errors we never bow to the authority of him who has no great name to sanction his absurdities The partiality which blinds a biographer to the defects of his hero in proportion as it is gross ceases to be dangerous but if it be concealed by the appearance of candour which men of great abilities best know how to assume it endangers our judgment sometimes and sometimes our morals If her Grace the Duchess of Newcastle instead of penning her lords elaborate eulogium had undertaken to write the life of Savage we should not have been in any danger of mistaking an idle ungrateful libertine for a man of genius and virtue The talents of a biographer are often fatal to his reader For these reasons the public often judiciously countenance those who without sagacity to discriminate character without elegance of style to relieve the tediousness of narrative without enlargement of mind to draw any conclusions from the facts they relate simply pour forth anecdotes and retail conversations with all the minute prolixity of a gossip in a country town
The author of the following Memoirs has upon these grounds fair claims to the public favour and attention he was an illiterate old steward whose partiality to THE FAMILY in which he was bred and born must be obvious to the reader He tells the history of the Rackrent family in his vernacular idiom and in the full confidence that Sir Patrick Sir Murtagh Sir Kit and Sir Condy Rackrents affairs will be as interesting to all the world as they were to himself Those who were acquainted with the manners of a certain class of the gentry of Ireland some years ago will want no evidence of the truth of honest Thadys narrative to those who are totally unacquainted with Ireland the following Memoirs will perhaps be scarcely intelligible or probably they may appear perfectly incredible For the information of the IGNORANT English reader a few notes have been subjoined by the editor and he had it once in contemplation to translate the language of Thady into plain English but Thadys idiom is incapable of translation and besides the authenticity of his story would have been more exposed to doubt if it were not told in his own characteristic manner Several years ago he related to the editor the history of the Rackrent family and it was with some difficulty that he was persuaded to have it committed to writing however his feelings for THE HONOUR OF THE FAMILY as he expressed himself prevailed over his habitual laziness and he at length completed the narrative which is now laid before the public
The editor hopes his readers will observe that these are tales of other times that the manners depicted in the following pages are not those of the present age the race of the Rackrents has long since been extinct in Ireland and the drunken Sir Patrick the litigious Sir Murtagh the fighting Sir Kit and the slovenly Sir Condy are characters which could no more be met with at present in Ireland than Squire Western or Parson Trulliber in England There is a time when individuals can bear to be rallied for their past follies and absurdities after they have acquired new habits and a new consciousness Nations as well as individuals gradually lose attachment to their identity and the present generation is amused rather than offended by the ridicule that is thrown upon its ancestors
Probably we shall soon have it in our power in a hundred instances to verify the truth of these observations
When Ireland loses her identity by an union with Great Britain she will look back with a smile of goodhumoured complacency on the Sir Kits and Sir Condys of her former existence
1800
CASTLE RACKRENT
MONDAY MORNING
See GLOSSARY 1
Having out of friendship for the family upon whose estate praised be Heaven I and mine have lived rentfree time out of mind voluntarily undertaken to publish the MEMOIRS OF THE RACKRENT FAMILY I think it my duty to say a few words in the first place concerning myself My real name is Thady Quirk though in the family I have always been known by no other than Honest Thady afterward in the time of Sir Murtagh deceased I remember to hear them calling me Old Thady and now Ive come to Poor Thady for I wear a long greatcoat winter and summer which is very handy as I never put my arms into the sleeves they are as good as new though come Holantide next Ive had it these seven years it holds on by a single button round my neck cloak fashion
The cloak or mantle as described by Thady is of high antiquity Spenser in his VIEW OF THE STATE OF IRELAND proves that it is not as some have imagined peculiarly derived from the Scythians but that most nations of the world anciently used the mantle for the Jews used it as you may read of Eliass mantle etc the Chaldees also used it as you may read in Diodorus the Egyptians likewise used it as you may read in Herodotus and may be gathered by the description of Berenice in the Greek Commentary upon Callimachus the Greeks also used it anciently as appeared by Venuss mantle lined with stars though afterward they changed the form thereof into their cloaks called Pallai as some of the Irish also use and the ancient Latins and Romans used it as you may read in Virgil who was a great antiquary that Evander when AEneas came to him at his feast did entertain and feast him sitting on the ground and lying on mantles insomuch that he useth the very word mantile for a mantle—
Humi mantilia sternunt
so that it seemeth that the mantle was a general habit to most nations and not proper to the Scythians only
Spenser knew the convenience of the said mantle as housing bedding and clothing IREN Because the commodity doth not countervail the discommodity for the inconveniences which thereby do arise are much more many for it is a fit house for an outlaw a meet bed for a rebel and an apt cloak for a thief First the outlaw being for his many crimes and villanies banished from the towns and houses of honest men and wandering in waste places far from danger of law maketh his mantle his house and under it covereth himself from the wrath of Heaven from the offence of the earth and from the sight of men When it raineth it is his penthouse when it bloweth it is his tent when it freezeth it is his tabernacle In summer he can wear it loose in winter he can wrap it close at all times he can use it never heavy never cumbersome Likewise for a rebel it is as serviceable for in this war that he maketh if at least it deserves the name of war when he still flieth from his foe and lurketh in the THICK WOODS this should be BLACK BOGS and straight passages waiting for advantages it is his bed yea and almost his household stuff
To look at me you would hardly think Poor Thady was the father of Attorney Quirk he is a high gentleman and never minds what poor Thady says and having better than fifteen hundred a year landed estate looks down upon honest Thady but I wash my hands of his doings and as I have lived so will I die true and loyal to the family The family of the Rackrents is I am proud to say one of the most ancient in the kingdom Everybody knows this is not the old family name which was OShaughlin related to the kings of Ireland—but that was before my time My grandfather was driver to the great Sir Patrick OShaughlin and I heard him when I was a boy telling how the Castle Rackrent estate came to Sir Patrick Sir Tallyhoo Rackrent was cousingerman to him and had a fine estate of his own only never a gate upon it it being his maxim that a car was the best gate Poor gentleman he lost a fine hunter and his life at last by it all in one days hunt But I ought to bless that day for the estate came straight into THE family upon one condition which Sir Patrick OShaughlin at the time took sadly to heart they say but thought better of it afterwards seeing how large a stake depended upon it that he should by Act of Parliament take and bear the surname and arms of Rackrent
Now it was that the world was to see what was IN Sir Patrick On coming into the estate he gave the finest entertainment ever was heard of in the country not a man could stand after supper but Sir Patrick himself who could sit out the best man in Ireland let alone the three kingdoms itself See GLOSSARY 2 He had his house from one years end to another as full of company as ever it could hold and fuller for rather than be left out of the parties at Castle Rackrent many gentlemen and those men of the first consequence and landed estates in the country—such as the ONeills of Ballynagrotty and the Moneygawls of Mount Juliets Town and OShannons of New Town Tullyhog—made it their choice often and often when there was no room to be had for love nor money in long winter nights to sleep in the chickenhouse which Sir Patrick had fitted up for the purpose of accommodating his friends and the public in general who honoured him with their company unexpectedly at Castle Rackrent and this went on I cant tell you how long The whole country rang with his praises—long life to him Im sure I love to look upon his picture now opposite to me though I never saw him he must have been a portly gentleman—his neck something short and remarkable for the largest pimple on his nose which by his particular desire is still extant in his picture said to be a striking likeness though taken when young He is said also to be the inventor of raspberry whisky which is very likely as nobody has ever appeared to dispute it with him and as there still exists a broken punchbowl at Castle Rackrent in the garret with an inscription to that effect—a great curiosity A few days before his death he was very merry it being his honours birthday he called my grandfather in—God bless him—to drink the companys health and filled a bumper himself but could not carry it to his head on account of the great shake in his hand on this he cast his joke saying What would my poor father say to me if he was to pop out of the grave and see me now I remember when I was a little boy the first bumper of claret he gave me after dinner how he praised me for carrying it so steady to my mouth Heres my thanks to him—a bumper toast Then he fell to singing the favourite song he learned from his father—for the last time poor gentleman—he sung it that night as loud and as hearty as ever with a chorus
He that goes to bed and goes to bed sober
Falls as the leaves do falls as the leaves do and dies in
October
But he that goes to bed and goes to bed mellow
Lives as he ought to do lives as he ought to do and dies an
honest fellow
Sir Patrick died that night just as the company rose to drink his health with three cheers he fell down in a sort of fit and was carried off they sat it out and were surprised on inquiry in the morning to find that it was all over with poor Sir Patrick Never did any gentleman live and die more beloved in the country by rich and poor His funeral was such a one as was never known before or since in the county All the gentlemen in the three counties were at it far and near how they flocked my greatgrandfather said that to see all the women even in their red cloaks you would have taken them for the army drawn out Then such a fine whillaluh See GLOSSARY 3 you might have heard it to the farthest end of the county and happy the man who could get but a sight of the hearse But whod have thought it Just as all was going on right through his own town they were passing when the body was seized for debt—a rescue was apprehended from the mob but the heir who attended the funeral was against that for fear of consequences seeing that those villains who came to serve acted under the disguise of the law so to be sure the law must take its course and little gain had the creditors for their pains First and foremost they had the curses of the country and Sir Murtagh Rackrent the new heir in the next place on account of this affront to the body refused to pay a shilling of the debts in which he was countenanced by all the best gentlemen of property and others of his acquaintance Sir Murtagh alleging in all companies that he all along meant to pay his fathers debts of honour but the moment the law was taken of him there was an end of honour to be sure It was whispered but none but the enemies of the family believe it that this was all a sham seizure to get quit of the debts which he had bound himself to pay in honour
Its a long time ago theres no saying how it was but this for certain the new man did not take at all after the old gentleman the cellars were never filled after his death and no open house or anything as it used to be the tenants even were sent away without their whisky See GLOSSARY 4 I was ashamed myself and knew not what to say for the honour of the family but I made the best of a bad case and laid it all at my ladys door for I did not like her anyhow nor anybody else she was of the family of the Skinflints and a widow it was a strange match for Sir Murtagh the people in the country thought he demeaned himself greatly See GLOSSARY 5 but I said nothing I knew how it was Sir Murtagh was a great lawyer and looked to the great Skinflint estate there however he overshot himself for though one of the coheiresses he was never the better for her for she outlived him manys the long day—he could not see that to be sure when he married her I must say for her she made him the best of wives being a very notable stirring woman and looking close to everything But I always suspected she had Scotch blood in her veins anything else I could have looked over in her from a regard to the family She was a strict observer for self and servants of Lent and all fastdays but not holidays One of the maids having fainted three times the last day of Lent to keep soul and body together we put a morsel of roast beef into her mouth which came from Sir Murtaghs dinner who never fasted not he but somehow or other it unfortunately reached my ladys ears and the priest of the parish had a complaint made of it the next day and the poor girl was forced as soon as she could walk to do penance for it before she could get any peace or absolution in the house or out of it However my lady was very charitable in her own way She had a charity school for poor children where they were taught to read and write gratis and where they were kept well to spinning gratis for my lady in return for she had always heaps of duty yarn from the tenants and got all her household linen out of the estate from first to last for after the spinning the weavers on the estate took it in hand for nothing because of the looms my ladys interest could get from the Linen Board to distribute gratis Then there was a bleachyard near us and the tenant dare refuse my lady nothing for fear of a lawsuit Sir Murtagh kept hanging over him about the watercourse With these ways of managing tis surprising how cheap my lady got things done and how proud she was of it Her table the same way kept for next to nothing See GLOSSARY 6 duty fowls and duty turkeys and duty geese came as fast as we could eat em for my lady kept a sharp lookout and knew to a tub of butter everything the tenants had all round They knew her way and what with fear of driving for rent and Sir Murtaghs lawsuits they were kept in such good order they never thought of coming near Castle Rackrent without a present of something or other—nothing too much or too little for my lady—eggs honey butter meal fish game grouse and herrings fresh or salt all went for something As for their young pigs we had them and the best bacon and hams they could make up with all young chickens in spring but they were a set of poor wretches and we had nothing but misfortunes with them always breaking and running away This Sir Murtagh and my lady said was all their former landlord Sir Patricks fault who let em all get the halfyears rent into arrear there was something in that to be sure But Sir Murtagh was as much the contrary way for let alone making English tenants See GLOSSARY 7 of them every soul he was always driving and driving and pounding and pounding and canting and canting See GLOSSARY 8 and replevying and replevying and he made a good living of trespassing cattle there was always some tenants pig or horse or cow or calf or goose trespassing which was so great a gain to Sir Murtagh that he did not like to hear me talk of repairing fences Then his heriots and dutywork See GLOSSARY 9 brought him in something his turf was cut his potatoes set and dug his hay brought home and in short all the work about his house done for nothing for in all our leases there were strict clauses heavy with penalties which Sir Murtagh knew well how to enforce so many days dutywork of man and horse from every tenant he was to have and had every year and when a man vexed him why the finest day he could pitch on when the cratur was getting in his own harvest or thatching his cabin Sir Murtagh made it a principle to call upon him and his horse so he taught em all as he said to know the law of landlord and tenant As for law I believe no man dead or alive ever loved it so well as Sir Murtagh He had once sixteen suits pending at a time and I never saw him so much himself roads lanes bogs wells ponds eelwires orchards trees tithes vagrants gravelpits sandpits dunghills and nuisances everything upon the face of the earth furnished him good matter for a suit He used to boast that he had a lawsuit for every letter in the alphabet How I used to wonder to see Sir Murtagh in the midst of the papers in his office Why he could hardly turn about for them I made bold to shrug my shoulders once in his presence and thanked my stars I was not born a gentleman to so much toil and trouble but Sir Murtagh took me up short with his old proverb learning is better than house or land Out of fortynine suits which he had he never lost one but seventeen See GLOSSARY 10 the rest he gained with costs double costs treble costs sometimes but even that did not pay He was a very learned man in the law and had the character of it but how it was I cant tell these suits that he carried cost him a power of money in the end he sold some hundreds a year of the family estate but he was a very learned man in the law and I know nothing of the matter except having a great regard for the family and I could not help grieving when he sent me to post up notices of the sale of the fee simple of the lands and appurtenances of Timoleague
I know honest Thady says he to comfort me what Im about better than you do Im only selling to get the ready money wanting to carry on my suit with spirit with the Nugents of Carrickashaughlin
He was very sanguine about that suit with the Nugents of Carrickashaughlin He could have gained it they say for certain had it pleased Heaven to have spared him to us and it would have been at the least a plump two thousand a year in his way but things were ordered otherwise—for the best to be sure He dug up a fairymount against my advice and had no luck afterwards These fairymounts are called anthills in England They are held in high reverence by the common people in Ireland A gentleman who in laying out his lawn had occasion to level one of these hillocks could not prevail upon any of his labourers to begin the ominous work He was obliged to take a LOY from one of their reluctant hands and began the attack himself The labourers agreed that the vengeance of the fairies would fall upon the head of the presumptuous mortal who first disturbed them in their retreat See GLOSSARY 11 Though a learned man in the law he was a little too incredulous in other matters I warned him that I heard the very Banshee that my grandfather heard under Sir Patricks window a few days before his death The Banshee is a species of aristocratic fairy who in the shape of a little hideous old woman has been known to appear and heard to sing in a mournful supernatural voice under the windows of great houses to warn the family that some of them are soon to die In the last century every great family in Ireland had a Banshee who attended regularly but latterly their visits and songs have been discontinued But Sir Murtagh thought nothing of the Banshee nor of his cough with a spitting of blood brought on I understand by catching cold in attending the courts and overstraining his chest with making himself heard in one of his favourite causes He was a great speaker with a powerful voice but his last speech was not in the courts at all He and my lady though both of the same way of thinking in some things and though she was as good a wife and great economist as you could see and he the best of husbands as to looking into his affairs and making money for his family yet I dont know how it was they had a great deal of sparring and jarring between them My lady had her privy purse and she had her weed ashes See GLOSSARY 12 and her sealing money See GLOSSARY 13 upon the signing of all the leases with something to buy gloves besides and besides again often took money from the tenants if offered properly to speak for them to Sir Murtagh about abatements and renewals Now the weed ashes and the glove money he allowed her clear perquisites though once when he saw her in a new gown saved out of the weed ashes he told her to my face for he could say a sharp thing that she should not put on her weeds before her husbands death But in a dispute about an abatement my lady would have the last word and Sir Murtagh grew mad See GLOSSARY 14 I was within hearing of the door and now I wish I had made bold to step in He spoke so loud the whole kitchen was out on the stairs See GLOSSARY 15 All on a sudden he stopped and my lady too Something has surely happened thought I and so it was for Sir Murtagh in his passion broke a bloodvessel and all the law in the land could do nothing in that case My lady sent for five physicians but Sir Murtagh died and was buried She had a fine jointure settled upon her and took herself away to the great joy of the tenantry I never said anything one way or the other whilst she was part of the family but got up to see her go at three oclock in the morning
Its a fine morning honest Thady says she goodbye to ye And into the carriage she stepped without a word more good or bad or even halfacrown but I made my bow and stood to see her safe out of sight for the sake of the family
Then we were all bustle in the house which made me keep out of the way for I walk slow and hate a bustle but the house was all hurryskurry preparing for my new master Sir Murtagh I forgot to notice had no childer CHILDER this is the manner in which many of Thadys rank and others in Ireland formerly pronounced the word CHILDREN so the Rackrent estate went to his younger brother a young dashing officer who came amongst us before I knew for the life of me whereabouts I was in a gig or some of them things with another spark along with him and led horses and servants and dogs and scarce a place to put any Christian of them into for my late lady had sent all the featherbeds off before her and blankets and household linen down to the very knifecloths on the cars to Dublin which were all her own lawfully paid for out of her own money So the house was quite bare and my young master the moment ever he set foot in it out of his gig thought all those things must come of themselves I believe for he never looked after anything at all but harumscarum called for everything as if we were conjurors or he in a publichouse For my part I could not bestir myself anyhow I had been so much used to my late master and mistress all was upside down with me and the new servants in the servants hall were quite out of my way I had nobody to talk to and if it had not been for my pipe and tobacco should I verily believe have broke my heart for poor Sir Murtagh
But one morning my new master caught a glimpse of me as I was looking at his horses heels in hopes of a word from him And is that old Thady says he as he got into his gig I loved him from that day to this his voice was so like the family and he threw me a guinea out of his waistcoatpocket as he drew up the reins with the other hand his horse rearing too I thought I never set my eyes on a finer figure of a man quite another sort from Sir Murtagh though withal TO ME a family likeness A fine life we should have led had he stayed amongst us God bless him He valued a guinea as little as any man money to him was no more than dirt and his gentleman and groom and all belonging to him the same but the sporting season over he grew tired of the place and having got down a great architect for the house and an improver for the grounds and seen their plans and elevations he fixed a day for settling with the tenants but went off in a whirlwind to town just as some of them came into the yard in the morning A circular letter came next post from the new agent with news that the master was sailed for England and he must remit L500 to Bath for his use before a fortnight was at an end bad news still for the poor tenants no change still for the better with them Sir Kit Rackrent my young master left all to the agent and though he had the spirit of a prince and lived away to the honour of his country abroad which I was proud to hear of what were we the better for that at home The agent was one of your middlemen who grind the face of the poor and can never bear a man with a hat upon his head he ferreted the tenants out of their lives not a week without a call for money drafts upon drafts from Sir Kit but I laid it all to the fault of the agent for says I what can Sir Kit do with so much cash and he a single man
MIDDLEMEN—There was a class of men termed middlemen in Ireland who took large farms on long leases from gentlemen of landed property and let the land again in small portions to the poor as undertenants at exorbitant rents The HEAD LANDLORD as he was called seldom saw his UNDERTENANTS but if he could not get the MIDDLEMAN to pay him his rent punctually he WENT TO HIS LAND AND DROVE THE LAND FOR HIS RENT that is to say he sent his steward or bailiff or driver to the land to seize the cattle hay corn flax oats or potatoes belonging to the undertenants and proceeded to sell these for his rents It sometimes happened that these unfortunate tenants paid their rent twice over once to the MIDDLEMAN and once to the HEAD LANDLORD
The characteristics of a middleman were servility to his superiors and tyranny towards his inferiors the poor detested this race of beings In speaking to them however they always used the most abject language and the most humble tone and posture—PLEASE YOUR HONOUR AND PLEASE YOUR HONOURS HONOUR they knew must be repeated as a charm at the beginning and end of every equivocating exculpatory or supplicatory sentence and they were much more alert in doffing their caps to those new men than to those of what they call GOOD OLD FAMILIES A witty carpenter once termed these middlemen JOURNEYMEN GENTLEMEN
But still it went Rents must be all paid up to the day and afore no allowance for improving tenants no consideration for those who had built upon their farms no sooner was a lease out but the land was advertised to the highest bidder all the old tenants turned out when they spent their substance in the hope and trust of a renewal from the landlord All was now let at the highest penny to a parcel of poor wretches who meant to run away and did so after taking two crops out of the ground Then fining down the years rent came into fashion See GLOSSARY 16—anything for the ready penny and with all this and presents to the agent and the driver See GLOSSARY 17 there was no such thing as standing it I said nothing for I had a regard for the family but I walked about thinking if his honour Sir Kit knew all this it would go hard with him but hed see us righted not that I had anything for my own share to complain of for the agent was always very civil to me when he came down into the country and took a great deal of notice of my son Jason Jason Quirk though he be my son I must say was a good scholar from his birth and a very cute lad I thought to make him a priest See GLOSSARY 18 but he did better for himself seeing how he was as good a clerk as any in the county the agent gave him his rent accounts to copy which he did first of all for the pleasure of obliging the gentleman and would take nothing at all for his trouble but was always proud to serve the family By and by a good farm bounding us to the east fell into his honours hands and my son put in a proposal for it why shouldnt he as well as another The proposals all went over to the master at the Bath who knowing no more of the land than the child unborn only having once been out agrousing on it before he went to England and the value of lands as the agent informed him falling every year in Ireland his honour wrote over in all haste a bit of a letter saying he left it all to the agent and that he must let it as well as he could—to the best bidder to be sure—and send him over L200 by return of post with this the agent gave me a hint and I spoke a good word for my son and gave out in the country that nobody need bid against us So his proposal was just the thing and he a good tenant and he got a promise of an abatement in the rent after the first year for advancing the halfyears rent at signing the lease which was wanting to complete the agents L200 by the return of the post with all which my master wrote back he was well satisfied About this time we learnt from the agent as a great secret how the money went so fast and the reason of the thick coming of the masters drafts he was a little too fond of play and Bath they say was no place for no young man of his fortune where there were so many of his own countrymen too hunting him up and down day and night who had nothing to lose At last at Christmas the agent wrote over to stop the drafts for he could raise no more money on bond or mortgage or from the tenants or anyhow nor had he any more to lend himself and desired at the same time to decline the agency for the future wishing Sir Kit his health and happiness and the compliments of the season for I saw the letter before ever it was sealed when my son copied it When the answer came there was a new turn in affairs and the agent was turned out and my son Jason who had corresponded privately with his honour occasionally on business was forthwith desired by his honour to take the accounts into his own hands and look them over till further orders It was a very spirited letter to be sure Sir Kit sent his service and the compliments of the season in return to the agent and he would fight him with pleasure tomorrow or any day for sending him such a letter if he was born a gentleman which he was sorry for both their sakes to find too late he was not Then in a private postscript he condescended to tell us that all would be speedily settled to his satisfaction and we should turn over a new leaf for he was going to be married in a fortnight to the grandest heiress in England and had only immediate occasion at present for L200 as he would not choose to touch his ladys fortune for travelling expenses home to Castle Rackrent where he intended to be wind and weather permitting early in the next month and desired fires and the house to be painted and the new building to go on as fast as possible for the reception of him and his lady before that time with several words besides in the letter which we could not make out because God bless him he wrote in such a flurry My heart warmed to my new lady when I read this I was almost afraid it was too good news to be true but the girls fell to scouring and it was well they did for we soon saw his marriage in the paper to a lady with I dont know how many tens of thousand pounds to her fortune then I watched the postoffice for his landing and the news came to my son of his and the bride being in Dublin and on the way home to Castle Rackrent We had bonfires all over the country expecting him down the next day and we had his coming of age still to celebrate which he had not time to do properly before he left the country therefore a great ball was expected and great doings upon his coming as it were fresh to take possession of his ancestors estate I never shall forget the day he came home we had waited and waited all day long till eleven oclock at night and I was thinking of sending the boy to lock the gates and giving them up for that night when there came the carriages thundering up to the great hall door I got the first sight of the bride for when the carriage door opened just as she had her foot on the steps I held the flam full in her face to light her See GLOSSARY 19 at which she shut her eyes but I had a full view of the rest of her and greatly shocked I was for by that light she was little better than a blackamoor and seemed crippled but that was only sitting so long in the chariot
Youre kindly welcome to Castle Rackrent my lady says I recollecting who she was Did your honour hear of the bonfires
His honour spoke never a word nor so much as handed her up the steps—he looked to me no more like himself than nothing at all I know I took him for the skeleton of his honour I was not sure what to say next to one or tother but seeing she was a stranger in a foreign country I thought it but right to speak cheerful to her so I went back again to the bonfires
My lady says I as she crossed the hall there would have been fifty times as many but for fear of the horses and frightening your ladyship Jason and I forbid them please your honour
With that she looked at me a little bewildered
Will I have a fire lighted in the stateroom tonight was the next question I put to her but never a word she answered so I concluded she could not speak a word of English and was from foreign parts The short and the long of it was I couldnt tell what to make of her so I left her to herself and went straight down to the servants hall to learn something for certain about her Sir Kits own man was tired but the groom set him atalking at last and we had it all out before ever I closed my eyes that night The bride might well be a great fortune—she was a JEWISH by all accounts who are famous for their great riches I had never seen any of that tribe or nation before and could only gather that she spoke a strange kind of English of her own that she could not abide pork or sausages and went neither to church or mass Mercy upon his honours poor soul thought I what will become of him and his and all of us with his heretic blackamoor at the head of the Castle Rackrent estate I never slept a wink all night for thinking of it but before the servants I put my pipe in my mouth and kept my mind to myself for I had a great regard for the family and after this when strange gentlemens servants came to the house and would begin to talk about the bride I took care to put the best foot foremost and passed her for a nabob in the kitchen which accounted for her dark complexion and everything
The very morning after they came home however I saw plain enough how things were between Sir Kit and my lady though they were walking together arm in arm after breakfast looking at the new building and the improvements
Old Thady said my master just as he used to do how do you do
Very well I thank your honours honour said I but I saw he was not well pleased and my heart was in my mouth as I walked along after him
Is the large room damp Thady said his honour
Oh damp your honour how should it be but as dry as a bone says I after all the fires we have kept in it day and night Its the barrackroom your honours talking on See GLOSSARY 20
And what is a barrackroom pray my dear were the first words I ever heard out of my ladys lips
No matter my dear said he and went on talking to me ashamedlike I should witness her ignorance To be sure to hear her talk one might have taken her for an innocent See GLOSSARY 21 for it was Whats this Sir Kit and whats that Sir Kit all the way we went To be sure Sir Kit had enough to do to answer her
And what do you call that Sir Kit said she that—that looks like a pile of black bricks pray Sir Kit
My turfstack my dear said my master and bit his lip
Where have you lived my lady all your life not to know a turfstack when you see it thought I but I said nothing Then by and by she takes out her glass and begins spying over the country
And whats all that black swamp out yonder Sir Kit says she
My bog my dear says he and went on whistling
Its a very ugly prospect my dear says she
You dont see it my dear says he for weve planted it out when the trees grow up in summertime— says he
Where are the trees said she my dear still looking through her glass
You are blind my dear says he what are these under your eyes
These shrubs said she
Trees said he
Maybe they are what you call trees in Ireland my dear said she but they are not a yard high are they
They were planted out but last year my lady says I to soften matters between them for I saw she was going the way to make his honour mad with her they are very well grown for their age and youll not see the bog of Allyballycarrickoshaughlin atallatall through the skreen when once the leaves come out But my lady you must not quarrel with any part or parcel of Allyballycarrickoshaughlin for you dont know how many hundred years that same bit of bog has been in the family we would not part with the bog of Allyballycarrickoshaughlin upon no account at all it cost the late Sir Murtagh two hundred good pounds to defend his title to it and boundaries against the OLearys who cut a road through it
Now one would have thought this would have been hint enough for my lady but she fell to laughing like one out of their right mind and made me say the name of the bog over for her to get it by heart a dozen times then she must ask me how to spell it and what was the meaning of it in English—Sir Kit standing by whistling all the while I verily believed she laid the cornerstone of all her future misfortunes at that very instant but I said no more only looked at Sir Kit
There were no balls no dinners no doings the country was all disappointed—Sir Kits gentleman said in a whisper to me it was all my ladys own fault because she was so obstinate about the cross
What cross says I is it about her being a heretic
Oh no such matter says he my master does not mind her heresies but her diamond cross its worth I cant tell you how much and she has thousands of English pounds concealed in diamonds about her which she as good as promised to give up to my master before he married but now she wont part with any of them and she must take the consequences
Her honeymoon at least her Irish honeymoon was scarcely well over when his honour one morning said to me Thady buy me a pig and then the sausages were ordered and here was the first open breakingout of my ladys troubles My lady came down herself into the kitchen to speak to the cook about the sausages and desired never to see them more at her table Now my master had ordered them and my lady knew that The cook took my ladys part because she never came down into the kitchen and was young and innocent in housekeeping which raised her pity besides said she at her own table surely my lady should order and disorder what she pleases But the cook soon changed her note for my master made it a principle to have the sausages and swore at her for a Jew herself till he drove her fairly out of the kitchen then for fear of her place and because he threatened that my lady should give her no discharge without the sausages she gave up and from that day forward always sausages or bacon or pigmeat in some shape or other went up to table upon which my lady shut herself up in her own room and my master said she might stay there with an oath and to make sure of her he turned the key in the door and kept it ever after in his pocket We none of us ever saw or heard her speak for seven years after that he carried her dinner himself
This part of the history of the Rackrent family can scarcely be thought credible but in justice to honest Thady it is hoped the reader will recollect the history of the celebrated Lady Cathcarts conjugal imprisonment The editor was acquainted with Colonel MGuire Lady Cathcarts husband he has lately seen and questioned the maidservant who lived with Colonel MGuire during the time of Lady Cathcarts imprisonment Her ladyship was locked up in her own house for many years during which period her husband was visited by the neighbouring gentry and it was his regular custom at dinner to send his compliments to Lady Cathcart informing her that the company had the honour to drink her ladyships health and begging to know whether there was anything at table that she would like to eat The answer was always Lady Cathcarts compliments and she has everything she wants An instance of honesty in a poor Irishwoman deserves to be recorded Lady Cathcart had some remarkably fine diamonds which she had concealed from her husband and which she was anxious to get out of the house lest he should discover them She had neither servant nor friend to whom she could entrust them but she had observed a poor beggar woman who used to come to the house she spoke to her from the window of the room in which she was confined the woman promised to do what she desired and Lady Cathcart threw a parcel containing the jewels to her The poor woman carried them to the person to whom they were directed and several years afterwards when Lady Cathcart recovered her liberty she received her diamonds safely
At Colonel MGuires death her ladyship was released The editor within this year saw the gentleman who accompanied her to England after her husbands death When she first was told of his death she imagined that the news was not true and that it was told only with an intention of deceiving her At his death she had scarcely clothes sufficient to cover her she wore a red wig looked scared and her understanding seemed stupefied she said that she scarcely knew one human creature from another her imprisonment lasted above twenty years These circumstances may appear strange to an English reader but there is no danger in the present times that any individual should exercise such tyranny as Colonel MGuires with impunity the power being now all in the hands of Government and there being no possibility of obtaining from Parliament an Act of indemnity for any cruelties
Then his honour had a great deal of company to dine with him and balls in the house and was as gay and gallant and as much himself as before he was married and at dinner he always drank my Lady Rackrents good health and so did the company and he sent out always a servant with his compliments to my Lady Rackrent and the company was drinking her ladyships health and begged to know if there was anything at table he might send her and the man came back after the sham errand with my Lady Rackrents compliments and she was very much obliged to Sir Kit—she did not wish for anything but drank the companys health The country to be sure talked and wondered at my ladys being shut up but nobody chose to interfere or ask any impertinent questions for they knew my master was a man very apt to give a short answer himself and likely to call a man out for it afterwards he was a famous shot had killed his man before he came of age and nobody scarce dared look at him whilst at Bath Sir Kits character was so well known in the country that he lived in peace and quietness ever after and was a great favourite with the ladies especially when in process of time in the fifth year of her confinement my Lady Rackrent fell ill and took entirely to her bed and he gave out that she was now skin and bone and could not last through the winter In this he had two physicians opinions to back him for now he called in two physicians for her and tried all his arts to get the diamond cross from her on her deathbed and to get her to make a will in his favour of her separate possessions but there she was too tough for him He used to swear at her behind her back after kneeling to her face and call her in the presence of his gentleman his stiffnecked Israelite though before he married her that same gentleman told me he used to call her how he could bring it out I dont know my pretty Jessica To be sure it must have been hard for her to guess what sort of a husband he reckoned to make her When she was lying to all expectation on her deathbed of a broken heart I could not but pity her though she was a Jewish and considering too it was no fault of hers to be taken with my master so young as she was at the Bath and so fine a gentleman as Sir Kit was when he courted her and considering too after all they had heard and seen of him as a husband there were now no less than three ladies in our county talked of for his second wife all at daggers drawn with each other as his gentleman swore at the balls for Sir Kit for their partner—I could not but think them bewitched but they all reasoned with themselves that Sir Kit would make a good husband to any Christian but a Jewish I suppose and especially as he was now a reformed rake and it was not known how my ladys fortune was settled in her will nor how the Castle Rackrent estate was all mortgaged and bonds out against him for he was never cured of his gaming tricks but that was the only fault he had God bless him
My lady had a sort of fit and it was given out that she was dead by mistake this brought things to a sad crisis for my poor master One of the three ladies showed his letters to her brother and claimed his promises whilst another did the same I dont mention names Sir Kit in his defence said he would meet any man who dared to question his conduct and as to the ladies they must settle it amongst them who was to be his second and his third and his fourth whilst his first was still alive to his mortification and theirs Upon this as upon all former occasions he had the voice of the country with him on account of the great spirit and propriety he acted with He met and shot the first ladys brother the next day he called out the second who had a wooden leg and their place of meeting by appointment being in a newploughed field the woodenleg man stuck fast in it Sir Kit seeing his situation with great candour fired his pistol over his head upon which the seconds interposed and convinced the parties there had been a slight misunderstanding between them thereupon they shook hands cordially and went home to dinner together This gentleman to show the world how they stood together and by the advice of the friends of both parties to reestablish his sisters injured reputation went out with Sir Kit as his second and carried his message next day to the last of his adversaries I never saw him in such fine spirits as that day he went out—sure enough he was within amesace of getting quit handsomely of all his enemies but unluckily after hitting the toothpick out of his adversarys finger and thumb he received a ball in a vital part and was brought home in little better than an hour after the affair speechless on a handbarrow to my lady We got the key out of his pocket the first thing we did and my son Jason ran to unlock the barrackroom where my lady had been shut up for seven years to acquaint her with the fatal accident The surprise bereaved her of her senses at first nor would she believe but we were putting some new trick upon her to entrap her out of her jewels for a great while till Jason bethought himself of taking her to the window and showed her the men bringing Sir Kit up the avenue upon the handbarrow which had immediately the desired effect for directly she burst into tears and pulling her cross from her bosom she kissed it with as great devotion as ever I witnessed and lifting up her eyes to heaven uttered some ejaculation which none present heard but I take the sense of it to be she returned thanks for this unexpected interposition in her favour when she had least reason to expect it My master was greatly lamented there was no life in him when we lifted him off the barrow so he was laid out immediately and waked the same night The country was all in an uproar about him and not a soul but cried shame upon his murderer who would have been hanged surely if he could have been brought to his trial whilst the gentlemen in the country were up about it but he very prudently withdrew himself to the Continent before the affair was made public As for the young lady who was the immediate cause of the fatal accident however innocently she could never show her head after at the balls in the county or any place and by the advice of her friends and physicians she was ordered soon after to Bath where it was expected if anywhere on this side of the grave she would meet with the recovery of her health and lost peace of mind As a proof of his great popularity I need only add that there was a song made upon my masters untimely death in the newspapers which was in everybodys mouth singing up and down through the country even down to the mountains only three days after his unhappy exit He was also greatly bemoaned at the Curragh See GLOSSARY 22 where his cattle were well known and all who had taken up his bets were particularly inconsolable for his loss to society His stud sold at the cant at the greatest price ever known in the county See GLOSSARY 23 his favourite horses were chiefly disposed of amongst his particular friends who would give any price for them for his sake but no ready money was required by the new heir who wished not to displease any of the gentlemen of the neighbourhood just upon his coming to settle amongst them so a long credit was given where requisite and the cash has never been gathered in from that day to this
But to return to my lady She got surprisingly well after my masters decease No sooner was it known for certain that he was dead than all the gentlemen within twenty miles of us came in a body as it were to set my lady at liberty and to protest against her confinement which they now for the first time understood was against her own consent The ladies too were as attentive as possible striving who should be foremost with their morning visits and they that saw the diamonds spoke very handsomely of them but thought it a pity they were not bestowed if it had so pleased God upon a lady who would have become them better All these civilities wrought little with my lady for she had taken an unaccountable prejudice against the country and everything belonging to it and was so partial to her native land that after parting with the cook which she did immediately upon my masters decease I never knew her easy one instant night or day but when she was packing up to leave us Had she meant to make any stay in Ireland I stood a great chance of being a great favourite with her for when she found I understood the weathercock she was always finding some pretence to be talking to me and asking me which way the wind blew and was it likely did I think to continue fair for England But when I saw she had made up her mind to spend the rest of her days upon her own income and jewels in England I considered her quite as a foreigner and not at all any longer as part of the family She gave no vails to the servants at Castle Rackrent at parting notwithstanding the old proverb of as rich as a Jew which she being a Jewish they built upon with reason But from first to last she brought nothing but misfortunes amongst us and if it had not been all along with her his honour Sir Kit would have been now alive in all appearance Her diamond cross was they say at the bottom of it all and it was a shame for her being his wife not to show more duty and to have given it up when he condescended to ask so often for such a bit of a trifle in his distresses especially when he all along made it no secret he married for money But we will not bestow another thought upon her This much I thought it lay upon my conscience to say in justice to my poor masters memory
Tis an ill wind that blows nobody no good the same wind that took the Jew Lady Rackrent over to England brought over the new heir to Castle Rackrent
Here let me pause for breath in my story for though I had a great regard for every member of the family yet without compare Sir Conolly commonly called for short amongst his friends Sir Condy Rackrent was ever my great favourite and indeed the most universally beloved man I had ever seen or heard of not excepting his great ancestor Sir Patrick to whose memory he amongst other instances of generosity erected a handsome marble stone in the church of Castle Rackrent setting forth in large letters his age birth parentage and many other virtues concluding with the compliment so justly due that Sir Patrick Rackrent lived and died a monument of old Irish hospitality
CONTINUATION OF THE MEMOIRS OF THE RACKRENT FAMILY
HISTORY OF SIR CONOLLY RACKRENT
Sir Condy Rackrent by the grace of God heiratlaw to the Castle Rackrent estate was a remote branch of the family Born to little or no fortune of his own he was bred to the bar at which having many friends to push him and no mean natural abilities of his own he doubtless would in process of time if he could have borne the drudgery of that study have been rapidly made Kings Counsel at the least but things were disposed of otherwise and he never went the circuit but twice and then made no figure for want of a fee and being unable to speak in public He received his education chiefly in the college of Dublin but before he came to years of discretion lived in the country in a small but slated house within view of the end of the avenue I remember him bare footed and headed running through the street of OShaughlins Town and playing at pitchandtoss ball marbles and what not with the boys of the town amongst whom my son Jason was a great favourite with him As for me he was ever my whiteheaded boy oftens the time when I would call in at his fathers where I was always made welcome he would slip down to me in the kitchen and love to sit on my knee whilst I told him stories of the family and the blood from which he was sprung and how he might look forward if the then present man should die without childer to being at the head of the Castle Rackrent estate This was then spoke quite and clear at random to please the child but it pleased Heaven to accomplish my prophecy afterwards which gave him a great opinion of my judgment in business He went to a little grammarschool with many others and my son amongst the rest who was in his class and not a little useful to him in his booklearning which he acknowledged with gratitude ever after These rudiments of his education thus completed he got ahorseback to which exercise he was ever addicted and used to gallop over the country while yet but a slip of a boy under the care of Sir Kits huntsman who was very fond of him and often lent him his gun and took him out ashooting under his own eye By these means he became well acquainted and popular amongst the poor in the neighbourhood early for there was not a cabin at which he had not stopped some morning or other along with the huntsman to drink a glass of burnt whisky out of an eggshell to do him good and warm his heart and drive the cold out of his stomach The old people always told him he was a great likeness of Sir Patrick which made him first have an ambition to take after him as far as his fortune should allow He left us when of an age to enter the college and there completed his education and nineteenth year for as he was not born to an estate his friends thought it incumbent on them to give him the best education which could be had for love or money and a great deal of money consequently was spent upon him at College and Temple He was a very little altered for the worse by what he saw there of the great world for when he came down into the country to pay us a visit we thought him just the same man as ever—hand and glove with every one and as far from high though not without his own proper share of family pride as any man ever you see Latterly seeing how Sir Kit and the Jewish lived together and that there was no one between him and the Castle Rackrent estate he neglected to apply to the law as much as was expected of him and secretly many of the tenants and others advanced him cash upon his note of hand value received promising bargains of leases and lawful interest should he ever come into the estate All this was kept a great secret for fear the present man hearing of it should take it into his head to take it ill of poor Condy and so should cut him off for ever by levying a fine and suffering a recovery to dock the entail See GLOSSARY 24 Sir Murtagh would have been the man for that but Sir Kit was too much taken up philandering to consider the law in this case or any other These practices I have mentioned to account for the state of his affairs—I mean Sir Condys upon his coming into the Castle Rackrent estate He could not command a penny of his first years income which and keeping no accounts and the great sight of company he did with many other causes too numerous to mention was the origin of his distresses My son Jason who was now established agent and knew everything explained matters out of the face to Sir Conolly and made him sensible of his embarrassed situation With a great nominal rentroll it was almost all paid away in interest which being for convenience suffered to run on soon doubled the principal and Sir Condy was obliged to pass new bonds for the interest now grown principal and so on Whilst this was going on my son requiring to be paid for his trouble and many years service in the family gratis and Sir Condy not willing to take his affairs into his own hands or to look them even in the face he gave my son a bargain of some acres which fell out of lease at a reasonable rent Jason set the land as soon as his lease was sealed to undertenants to make the rent and got two hundred a year profit rent which was little enough considering his long agency He bought the land at twelve years purchase two years afterwards when Sir Condy was pushed for money on an execution and was at the same time allowed for his improvements thereon There was a sort of huntinglodge upon the estate convenient to my son Jasons land which he had his eye upon about this time and he was a little jealous of Sir Condy who talked of setting it to a stranger who was just come into the country—Captain Moneygawl was the man He was son and heir to the Moneygawls of Mount Juliets Town who had a great estate in the next county to ours and my master was loth to disoblige the young gentleman whose heart was set upon the Lodge so he wrote him back that the Lodge was at his service and if he would honour him with his company at Castle Rackrent they could ride over together some morning and look at it before signing the lease Accordingly the captain came over to us and he and Sir Condy grew the greatest friends ever you see and were for ever out ashooting or hunting together and were very merry in the evenings and Sir Condy was invited of course to Mount Juliets Town and the family intimacy that had been in Sir Patricks time was now recollected and nothing would serve Sir Condy but he must be three times a week at the least with his new friends which grieved me who knew by the captains groom and gentleman how they talked of him at Mount Juliets Town making him quite as one may say a laughingstock and a butt for the whole company but they were soon cured of that by an accident that surprised em not a little as it did me There was a bit of a scrawl found upon the waitingmaid of old Mr Moneygawls youngest daughter Miss Isabella that laid open the whole and her father they say was like one out of his right mind and swore it was the last thing he ever should have thought of when he invited my master to his house that his daughter should think of such a match But their talk signified not a straw for as Miss Isabellas maid reported her young mistress was fallen over head and ears in love with Sir Condy from the first time that ever her brother brought him into the house to dinner The servant who waited that day behind my masters chair was the first who knew it as he says though its hard to believe him for he did not tell it till a great while afterwards but however its likely enough as the thing turned out that he was not far out of the way for towards the middle of dinner as he says they were talking of stageplays having a playhouse and being great playactors at Mount Juliets Town and Miss Isabella turns short to my master and says
Have you seen the playbill Sir Condy
No I have not said he
Then more shame for you said the captain her brother not to know that my sister is to play Juliet tonight who plays it better than any woman on or off the stage in all Ireland
I am very happy to hear it said Sir Condy and there the matter dropped for the present
But Sir Condy all this time and a great while afterwards was at a terrible nonplus for he had no liking not he to stageplays nor to Miss Isabella either—to his mind as it came out over a bowl of whiskypunch at home his little Judy MQuirk who was daughter to a sisters son of mine was worth twenty of Miss Isabella He had seen her often when he stopped at her fathers cabin to drink whisky out of the eggshell out hunting before he came to the estate and as she gave out was under something like a promise of marriage to her Anyhow I could not but pity my poor master who was so bothered between them and he an easyhearted man that could not disoblige nobody—God bless him To be sure it was not his place to behave ungenerous to Miss Isabella who had disobliged all her relations for his sake as he remarked and then she was locked up in her chamber and forbid to think of him any more which raised his spirit because his family was as he observed as good as theirs at any rate and the Rackrents a suitable match for the Moneygawls any day in the year all which was true enough But it grieved me to see that upon the strength of all this Sir Condy was growing more in the mind to carry off Miss Isabella to Scotland in spite of her relations as she desired
Its all over with our poor Judy said I with a heavy sigh making bold to speak to him one night when he was a little cheerful and standing in the servants hall all alone with me as was often his custom
Not at all said he I never was fonder of Judy than at this present speaking and to prove it to you said he—and he took from my hand a halfpenny change that I had just got along with my tobacco—and to prove it to you Thady says he its a tossup with me which I should marry this minute her or Mr Moneygawl of Mount Juliets Towns daughter—so it is
Ohboo boo Boo Boo—an exclamation equivalent to PSHAW or NONSENSE says I making light of it to see what he would go on to next your honours joking to be sure theres no compare between our poor Judy and Miss Isabella who has a great fortune they say
Im not a man to mind a fortune nor never was said Sir Condy proudly whatever her friends may say and to make short of it says he Im come to a determination upon the spot With that he swore such a terrible oath as made me cross myself And by this book said he snatching up my balladbook mistaking it for my prayerbook which lay in the window—and by this book says he and by all the books that ever were shut and opened its come to a tossup with me and Ill stand or fall by the toss and so Thady hand me over that pin PIN read PEN—It formerly was vulgarly pronounced PIN in Ireland out of the inkhorn and he makes a cross on the smooth side of the halfpenny Judy MQuirk says he her mark
HER MARK—It was the custom in Ireland for those who could not write to make a cross to stand for their signature as was formerly the practice of our English monarchs The Editor inserts the facsimile of an Irish mark which may hereafter be valuable to a judicious antiquary—
Her
Judy X MQuirk
Mark
In bonds or notes signed in this manner a witness is requisite as the name is frequently written by him or her
God bless him his hand was a little unsteadied by all the whiskypunch he had taken but it was plain to see his heart was for poor Judy My heart was all as one as in my mouth when I saw the halfpenny up in the air but I said nothing at all and when it came down I was glad I had kept myself to myself for to be sure now it was all over with poor Judy
Judys out a luck said I striving to laugh
Im out a luck said he and I never saw a man look so cast down he took up the halfpenny off the flag and walked away quite soberlike by the shock Now though as easy a man you would think as any in the wide world there was no such thing as making him unsay one of these sort of vows which he had learned to reverence when young as I well remember teaching him to toss up for bogberries on my knee VOWS—It has been maliciously and unjustly hinted that the lower classes of the people of Ireland pay but little regard to oaths yet it is certain that some oaths or vows have great power over their minds Sometimes they swear they will be revenged on some of their neighbours this is an oath that they are never known to break But what is infinitely more extraordinary and unaccountable they sometimes make and keep a vow against whisky these vows are usually limited to a short time A woman who has a drunken husband is most fortunate if she can prevail upon him to go to the priest and make a vow against whisky for a year or a month or a week or a day So I saw the affair was as good as settled between him and Miss Isabella and I had no more to say but to wish her joy which I did the week afterwards upon her return from Scotland with my poor master
My new lady was young as might be supposed of a lady that had been carried off by her own consent to Scotland but I could only see her at first through her veil which from bashfulness or fashion she kept over her face
And am I to walk through all this crowd of people my dearest love said she to Sir Condy meaning us servants and tenants who had gathered at the back gate
My dear said Sir Condy theres nothing for it but to walk or to let me carry you as far as the house for you see the back road is too narrow for a carriage and the great piers have tumbled down across the front approach so theres no driving the right way by reason of the ruins
Plato thou reasonest well said she or words to that effect which I could noways understand and again when her foot stumbled against a broken bit of a carwheel she cried out Angels and ministers of grace defend us Well thought I to be sure if shes no Jewish like the last she is a mad woman for certain which is as bad it would have been as well for my poor master to have taken up with poor Judy who is in her right mind anyhow
She was dressed like a mad woman moreover more than like any one I ever saw afore or since and I could not take my eyes off her but still followed behind her and her feathers on the top of her hat were broke going in at the low back door and she pulled out her little bottle out of her pocket to smell when she found herself in the kitchen and said I shall faint with the heat of this odious odious place
My dear its only three steps across the kitchen and theres a fine air if your veil was up said Sir Condy and with that threw back her veil so that I had then a full sight of her face She had not at all the colour of one going to faint but a fine complexion of her own as I then took it to be though her maid told me after it was all put on but even complexion and all taken in she was no way in point of good looks to compare to poor Judy and withal she had a quality toss with her but maybe it was my overpartiality to Judy into whose place I may say she stepped that made me notice all this
To do her justice however she was when we came to know her better very liberal in her housekeeping—nothing at all of the skinflint in her she left everything to the housekeeper and her own maid Mrs Jane who went with her to Scotland gave her the best of characters for generosity She seldom or ever wore a thing twice the same way Mrs Jane told us and was always pulling her things to pieces and giving them away never being used in her fathers house to think of expense in anything and she reckoned to be sure to go on the same way at Castle Rackrent but when I came to inquire I learned that her father was so mad with her for running off after his locking her up and forbidding her to think any more of Sir Condy that he would not give her a farthing and it was lucky for her she had a few thousands of her own which had been left to her by a good grandmother and these were very convenient to begin with My master and my lady set out in great style they had the finest coach and chariot and horses and liveries and cut the greatest dash in the county returning their wedding visits and it was immediately reported that her father had undertaken to pay all my masters debts and of course all his tradesmen gave him a new credit and everything went on smack smooth and I could not but admire my ladys spirit and was proud to see Castle Rackrent again in all its glory My lady had a fine taste for building and furniture and playhouses and she turned everything topsyturvy and made the barrackroom into a theatre as she called it and she went on as if she had a mint of money at her elbow and to be sure I thought she knew best especially as Sir Condy said nothing to it one way or the other All he asked—God bless him—was to live in peace and quietness and have his bottle or his whiskypunch at night to himself Now this was little enough to be sure for any gentleman but my lady couldnt abide the smell of the whiskypunch
My dear says he you liked it well enough before we were married and why not now
My dear said she I never smelt it or I assure you I should never have prevailed upon myself to marry you
My dear I am sorry you did not smell it but we cant help that now returned my master without putting himself in a passion or going out of his way but just fair and easy helped himself to another glass and drank it off to her good health
All this the butler told me who was going backwards and forwards unnoticed with the jug and hot water and sugar and all he thought wanting Upon my masters swallowing the last glass of whiskypunch my lady burst into tears calling him an ungrateful base barbarous wretch and went off into a fit of hysterics as I think Mrs Jane called it and my poor master was greatly frightened this being the first thing of the kind he had seen and he fell straight on his knees before her and like a goodhearted cratur as he was ordered the whiskypunch out of the room and bid em throw open all the windows and cursed himself and then my lady came to herself again and when she saw him kneeling there bid him get up and not forswear himself any more for that she was sure he did not love her and never had This we learned from Mrs Jane who was the only person left present at all this
My dear returns my master thinking to be sure of Judy as well he might whoever told you so is an incendiary and Ill have em turned out of the house this minute if youll only let me know which of them it was
Told me what said my lady starting upright in her chair
Nothing at all nothing at all said my master seeing he had overshot himself and that my lady spoke at random but what you said just now that I did not love you Bella who told you that
My own sense she said and she put her handkerchief to her face and leant back upon Mrs Jane and fell to sobbing as if her heart would break
Why now Bella this is very strange of you said my poor master if nobody has told you nothing what is it you are taking on for at this rate and exposing yourself and me for this way
Oh say no more say no more every word you say kills me cried my lady and she ran on like one as Mrs Jane says raving Oh Sir Condy Sir Condy I that had hoped to find in you—
Why now faith this is a little too much do Bella try to recollect yourself my dear am not I your husband and of your own choosing and is not that enough
Oh too much too much cried my lady wringing her hands
Why my dear come to your right senses for the love of heaven See is not the whiskypunch jug and bowl and all gone out of the room long ago What is it in the wide world you have to complain of
But still my lady sobbed and sobbed and called herself the most wretched of women and among other outoftheway provoking things asked my master was he fit company for her and he drinking all night This nettling him which it was hard to do he replied that as to drinking all night he was then as sober as she was herself and that it was no matter how much a man drank provided it did noways affect or stagger him that as to being fit company for her he thought himself of a family to be fit company for any lord or lady in the land but that he never prevented her from seeing and keeping what company she pleased and that he had done his best to make Castle Rackrent pleasing to her since her marriage having always had the house full of visitors and if her own relations were not amongst them he said that was their own fault and their prides fault of which he was sorry to find her ladyship had so unbecoming a share So concluding he took his candle and walked off to his room and my lady was in her tantarums for three days after and would have been so much longer no doubt but some of her friends young ladies and cousins and second cousins came to Castle Rackrent by my poor masters express invitation to see her and she was in a hurry to get up as Mrs Jane called it a play for them and so got well and was as finely dressed and as happy to look at as ever and all the young ladies who used to be in her room dressing of her said in Mrs Janes hearing that my lady was the happiest bride ever they had seen and that to be sure a lovematch was the only thing for happiness where the parties could any way afford it
As to affording it God knows it was little they knew of the matter my ladys few thousands could not last for ever especially the way she went on with them and letters from tradesfolk came every post thick and threefold with bills as long as my arm of years and years standing My son Jason had em all handed over to him and the pressing letters were all unread by Sir Condy who hated trouble and could never be brought to hear talk of business but still put it off and put it off saying Settle it anyhow or Bid em call again tomorrow or Speak to me about it some other time Now it was hard to find the right time to speak for in the mornings he was abed and in the evenings over his bottle where no gentleman chooses to be disturbed Things in a twelvemonth or so came to such a pass there was no making a shift to go on any longer though we were all of us well enough used to live from hand to mouth at Castle Rackrent One day I remember when there was a power of company all sitting after dinner in the dusk not to say dark in the drawingroom my lady having rung five times for candles and none to go up the housekeeper sent up the footman who went to my mistress and whispered behind her chair how it was
My lady says he there are no candles in the house
Bless me says she then take a horse and gallop off as fast as you can to Carrick OFungus and get some
And in the meantime tell them to step into the playhouse and try if there are not some bits left added Sir Condy who happened to be within hearing The man was sent up again to my lady to let her know there was no horse to go but one that wanted a shoe
Go to Sir Condy then I know nothing at all about the horses said my lady why do you plague me with these things How it was settled I really forget but to the best of my remembrance the boy was sent down to my son Jasons to borrow candles for the night Another time in the winter and on a desperate cold day there was no turf in for the parlour and above stairs and scarce enough for the cook in the kitchen The little GOSSOON was sent off to the neighbours to see and beg or borrow some but none could he bring back with him for love or money GOSSOON a little boy—from the French word GARCON In most Irish families there used to be a barefooted gossoon who was slave to the cook and the butler and who in fact without wages did all the hard work of the house Gossoons were always employed as messengers The Editor has known a gossoon to go on foot without shoes or stockings fiftyone English miles between sunrise and sunset so as needs must we were forced to trouble Sir Condy—Well and if theres no turf to be had in the town or country why what signifies talking any more about it cant ye go and cut down a tree
Which tree please your honour I made bold to say
Any tree at all thats good to burn said Sir Condy send off smart and get one down and the fires lighted before my lady gets up to breakfast or the house will be too hot to hold us
He was always very considerate in all things about my lady and she wanted for nothing whilst he had it to give Well when things were tight with them about this time my son Jason put in a word again about the Lodge and made a genteel offer to lay down the purchasemoney to relieve Sir Condys distresses Now Sir Condy had it from the best authority that there were two writs come down to the sheriff against his person and the sheriff as illluck would have it was no friend of his and talked how he must do his duty and how he would do it if it was against the first man in the country or even his own brother let alone one who had voted against him at the last election as Sir Condy had done So Sir Condy was fain to take the purchasemoney of the Lodge from my son Jason to settle matters and sure enough it was a good bargain for both parties for my son bought the feesimple of a good house for him and his heirs for ever for little or nothing and by selling of it for that same my master saved himself from a gaol Every way it turned out fortunate for Sir Condy for before the money was all gone there came a general election and he being so well beloved in the county and one of the oldest families no one had a better right to stand candidate for the vacancy and he was called upon by all his friends and the whole county I may say to declare himself against the old member who had little thought of a contest My master did not relish the thoughts of a troublesome canvass and all the illwill he might bring upon himself by disturbing the peace of the county besides the expense which was no trifle but all his friends called upon one another to subscribe and they formed themselves into a committee and wrote all his circular letters for him and engaged all his agents and did all the business unknown to him and he was well pleased that it should be so at last and my lady herself was very sanguine about the election and there was open house kept night and day at Castle Rackrent and I thought I never saw my lady look so well in her life as she did at that time There were grand dinners and all the gentlemen drinking success to Sir Condy till they were carried off and then dances and balls and the ladies all finishing with a raking pot of tea in the morning See GLOSSARY 25 Indeed it was well the company made it their choice to sit up all nights for there were not half beds enough for the sights of people that were in it though there were shakedowns in the drawingroom always made up before sunrise for those that liked it For my part when I saw the doings that were going on and the loads of claret that went down the throats of them that had no right to be asking for it and the sights of meat that went up to table and never came down besides what was carried off to one or tother below stair I couldnt but pity my poor master who was to pay for all but I said nothing for fear of gaining myself illwill The day of election will come some time or other says I to myself and all will be over and so it did and a glorious day it was as any I ever had the happiness to see
Huzza huzza Sir Condy Rackrent for ever was the first thing I hears in the morning and the same and nothing else all day and not a soul sober only just when polling enough to give their votes as became em and to stand the browbeating of the lawyers who came tight enough upon us and many of our freeholders were knocked off having never a freehold that they could safely swear to and Sir Condy was not willing to have any man perjure himself for his sake as was done on the other side God knows but no matter for that Some of our friends were dumbfounded by the lawyers asking them Had they ever been upon the ground where their freeholds lay Now Sir Condy being tender of the consciences of them that had not been on the ground and so could not swear to a freehold when crossexamined by them lawyers sent out for a couple of cleavesful of the sods of his farm of Gulteeshinnagh At St Patricks meeting London March 1806 the Duke of Sussex said he had the honour of bearing an Irish title and with the permission of the company he should tell them an anecdote of what he had experienced on his travels When he was at Rome he went to visit an Irish seminary and when they heard who it was and that he had an Irish title some of them asked him Please your Royal Highness since you are an Irish peer will you tell us if you ever trod upon Irish ground When he told them he had not Oh then said one of the Order you shall soon do so They then spread some earth which had been brought from Ireland on a marble slab and made him stand upon it and as soon as the sods came into town he set each man upon his sod and so then ever after you know they could fairly swear they had been upon the ground This was actually done at an election in Ireland We gained the day by this piece of honesty See GLOSSARY 26 I thought I should have died in the streets for joy when I seed my poor master chaired and he bareheaded and it raining as hard as it could pour but all the crowds following him up and down and he bowing and shaking hands with the whole town
Is that Sir Condy Rackrent in the chair says a stranger man in the crowd
The same says I Who else should it be God bless him
And I take it then you belong to him says he
Not at all says I but I live under him and have done so these two hundred years and upwards me and mine
Its lucky for you then rejoins he that he is where he is for was he anywhere else but in the chair this minute hed be in a worse place for I was sent down on purpose to put him up TO PUT HIM UP to put him in gaol and heres my order for so doing in my pocket
It was a writ that villain the wine merchant had marked against my poor master for some hundreds of an old debt which it was a shame to be talking of at such a time as this
Put it in your pocket again and think no more of it anyways for seven years to come my honest friend says I hes a member of Parliament now praised be God and such as you cant touch him and if youll take a fools advice Id have you keep out of the way this day or youll run a good chance of getting your deserts amongst my masters friends unless you choose to drink his health like everybody else
Ive no objection to that in life said he So we went into one of the publichouses kept open for my master and we had a great deal of talk about this thing and that And how is it says he your master keeps on so well upon his legs I heard say he was off Holantide twelvemonth past
Never was better or heartier in his life said I
Its not that Im after speaking of said he but there was a great report of his being ruined
No matter says I the sheriffs two years running were his particular friends and the subsheriffs were both of them gentlemen and were properly spoken to and so the writs lay snug with them and they as I understand by my son Jason the custom in them cases is returned the writs as they came to them to those that sent em much good may it do them—with a word in Latin that no such person as Sir Condy Rackrent Bart was to be found in those parts
Oh I understand all those ways better—no offence—than you says he laughing and at the same time filling his glass to my masters good health which convinced me he was a warm friend in his heart after all though appearances were a little suspicious or so at first To be sure says he still cutting his joke when a mans over head and shoulders in debt he may live the faster for it and the better if he goes the right way about it or else how is it so many live on so well as we see every day after they are ruined
How is it says I being a little merry at the time—how is it but just as you see the ducks in the chickenyard just after their heads are cut off by the cook running round and round faster than when alive
At which conceit he fell alaughing and remarked he had never had the happiness yet to see the chickenyard at Castle Rackrent
It wont be long so I hope says I youll be kindly welcome there as everybody is made by my master there is not a freerspoken gentleman or a better beloved high or low in all Ireland
And of what passed after this Im not sensible for we drank Sir Candys good health and the downfall of his enemies till we could stand no longer ourselves And little did I think at the time or till long after how I was harbouring my poor masters greatest of enemies myself This fellow had the impudence after coming to see the chickenyard to get me to introduce him to my son Jason little more than the man that never was born did I guess at his meaning by this visit he gets him a correct list fairly drawn out from my son Jason of all my masters debts and goes straight round to the creditors and buys them all up which he did easy enough seeing the half of them never expected to see their money out of Sir Condys hands Then when this baseminded limb of the law as I afterwards detected him in being grew to be sole creditor over all he takes him out a custodiam on all the denominations and subdenominations and even carton and halfcarton upon the estate See GLOSSARY 27 and not content with that must have an execution against the masters goods and down to the furniture though little worth of Castle Rackrent itself. But this is a part of my story Im not come to yet and its bad to be forestalling ill news flies fast enough all the world over
To go back to the day of the election which I never think of but with pleasure and tears of gratitude for those good times after the election was quite and clean over there comes shoals of people from all parts claiming to have obliged my master with their votes and putting him in mind of promises which he could never remember himself to have made one was to have a freehold for each of his four sons another was to have a renewal of a lease another an abatement one came to be paid ten guineas for a pair of silver buckles sold my master on the hustings which turned out to be no better than copper gilt another had a long bill for oats the half of which never went into the granary to my certain knowledge and the other half was not fit for the cattle to touch but the bargain was made the week before the election and the coach and saddlehorses were got into order for the day besides a vote fairly got by them oats so no more reasoning on that head But then there was no end to them that were telling Sir Condy he had engaged to make their sons excisemen or high constables or the like and as for them that had bills to give in for liquor and beds and straw and ribands and horses and postchaises for the gentlemen freeholders that came from all parts and other counties to vote for my master and were not to be sure to be at any charges there was no standing against all these and worse than all the gentlemen of my masters committee who managed all for him and talked how theyd bring him in without costing him a penny and subscribed by hundreds very genteelly forgot to pay their subscriptions and had laid out in agents and lawyers fees and secret service money to the Lord knows how much and my master could never ask one of them for their subscription you are sensible nor for the price of a fine horse he had sold one of them so it all was left at his door He could never God bless him again I say bring himself to ask a gentleman for money despising such sort of conversation himself but others who were not gentlemen born behaved very uncivil in pressing him at this very time and all he could do to content em all was to take himself out of the way as fast as possible to Dublin where my lady had taken a house fitting for him as a member of Parliament to attend his duty in there all the winter I was very lonely when the whole family was gone and all the things they had ordered to go and forgot sent after them by the car There was then a great silence in Castle Rackrent and I went moping from room to room hearing the doors clap for want of right locks and the wind through the broken windows that the glazier never would come to mend and the rain coming through the roof and best ceilings all over the house for want of the slater whose bill was not paid besides our having no slates or shingles for that part of the old building which was shingled and burnt when the chimney took fire and had been open to the weather ever since I took myself to the servants hall in the evening to smoke my pipe as usual but missed the bit of talk we used to have there sadly and ever after was content to stay in the kitchen and boil my little potatoes MY LITTLE POTATOES—Thady does not mean by this expression that his potatoes were less than other peoples or less than the usual size LITTLE is here used only as an Italian diminutive expressive of fondness and put up my bed there and every postday I looked in the newspaper but no news of my master in the House he never spoke good or bad but as the butler wrote down word to my son Jason was very illused by the Government about a place that was promised him and never given after his supporting them against his conscience very honourably and being greatly abused for it which hurt him greatly he having the name of a great patriot in the country before The house and living in Dublin too were not to be had for nothing and my son Jason said Sir Condy must soon be looking out for a new agent for Ive done my part and can do no more If my lady had the bank of Ireland to spend it would go all in one winter and Sir Condy would never gainsay her though he does not care the rind of a lemon for her all the while
Now I could not bear to hear Jason giving out after this manner against the family and twenty people standing by in the street Ever since he had lived at the Lodge of his own he looked down howsomever upon poor old Thady and was grown quite a great gentleman and had none of his relations near him no wonder he was no kinder to poor Sir Condy than to his own kith or kin KITH AND KIN family or relations KIN from KIND KITH from we know not what In the spring it was the villain that got the list of the debts from him brought down the custodiam Sir Condy still attending his duty in Parliament and I could scarcely believe my own old eyes or the spectacles with which I read it when I was shown my son Jasons name joined in the custodiam but he told me it was only for forms sake and to make things easier than if all the land was under the power of a total stranger Well I did not know what to think it was hard to be talking ill of my own and I could not but grieve for my poor masters fine estate all torn by these vultures of the law so I said nothing but just looked on to see how it would all end
It was not till the month of June that he and my lady came down to the country My master was pleased to take me aside with him to the brewhouse that same evening to complain to me of my son and other matters in which he said he was confident I had neither art nor part he said a great deal more to me to whom he had been fond to talk ever since he was my whiteheaded boy before he came to the estate and all that he said about poor Judy I can never forget but scorn to repeat He did not say an unkind word of my lady but wondered as well he might her relations would do nothing for him or her and they in all this great distress He did not take anything long to heart let it be as it would and had no more malice or thought of the like in him than a child that cant speak this night it was all out of his head before he went to his bed He took his jug of whiskypunch—my lady was grown quite easy about the whiskypunch by this time and so I did suppose all was going on right betwixt them till I learnt the truth through Mrs Jane who talked over the affairs to the housekeeper and I within hearing The night my master came home thinking of nothing at all but just making merry he drank his bumper toast to the deserts of that old curmudgeon my fatherinlaw and all enemies at Mount Juliets Town Now my lady was no longer in the mind she formerly was and did noways relish hearing her own friends abused in her presence she said
Then why dont they show themselves your friends said my master and oblige me with the loan of the money I condescended by your advice my dear to ask Its now three posts since I sent off my letter desiring in the postscript a speedy answer by the return of the post and no account at all from them yet
I expect theyll write to ME next post says my lady and that was all that passed then but it was easy from this to guess there was a coolness betwixt them and with good cause
The next morning being postday I sent off the gossoon early to the postoffice to see was there any letter likely to set matters to rights and he brought back one with the proper postmark upon it sure enough and I had no time to examine or make any conjecture more about it for into the servants hall pops Mrs Jane with a blue bandbox in her hand quite entirely mad
Dear maam and whats the matter says I
Matter enough says she dont you see my bandbox is wet through and my best bonnet here spoiled besides my ladys and all by the rain coming in through that gallery window that you might have got mended if youd had any sense Thady all the time we were in town in the winter
Sure I could not get the glazier maam says I
You might have stopped it up anyhow says she
So I did maam to the best of my ability one of the panes with the old pillowcase and the other with a piece of the old stage green curtain Sure I was as careful as possible all the time you were away and not a drop of rain came in at that window of all the windows in the house all winter maam when under my care and now the familys come home and its summertime I never thought no more about it to be sure but dear its a pity to think of your bonnet maam But heres what will please you maam—a letter from Mount Juliets Town for my lady
With that she snatches it from me without a word more and runs up the back stairs to my mistress I follows with a slate to make up the window This window was in the long passage or gallery as my lady gave out orders to have it called in the gallery leading to my masters bedchamber and hers And when I went up with the slate the door having no lock and the bolt spoilt was ajar after Mrs Jane and as I was busy with the window I heard all that was saying within
Well whats in your letter Bella my dear says he youre a long time spelling it over
Wont you shave this morning Sir Condy says she and put the letter into her pocket
I shaved the day before yesterday said he my dear and thats not what Im thinking of now but anything to oblige you and to have peace and quietness my dear—and presently I had a glimpse of him at the cracked glass over the chimneypiece standing up shaving himself to please my lady But she took no notice but went on reading her book and Mrs Jane doing her hair behind
What is it youre reading there my dear—phoo Ive cut myself with this razor the mans a cheat that sold it me but I have not paid him for it yet What is it youre reading there Did you hear me asking you my dear
THE SORROWS OF WERTHER replies my lady as well as I could hear
I think more of the sorrows of Sir Condy says my master joking like What news from Mount Juliets Town
No news says she but the old story over again my friends all reproaching me still for what I cant help now
Is it for marrying me said my master still shaving What signifies as you say talking of that when it cant be helpd now
With that she heaved a great sigh that I heard plain enough in the passage
And did not you use me basely Sir Condy says she not to tell me you were ruined before I married you
Tell you my dear said he Did you ever ask me one word about it And had not your friends enough of your own that were telling you nothing else from morning to night if youd have listened to them slanders
No slanders nor are my friends slanderers and I cant bear to hear them treated with disrespect as I do says my lady and took out her pockethandkerchief they are the best of friends and if I had taken their advice—But my father was wrong to lock me up I own That was the only unkind thing I can charge him with for if he had not locked me up I should never have had a serious thought of running away as I did
Well my dear said my master dont cry and make yourself uneasy about it now when its all over and you have the man of your own choice in spite of em all
I was too young I know to make a choice at the time you ran away with me Im sure says my lady and another sigh which made my master halfshaved as he was turn round upon her in surprise
Why Bell says he you cant deny what you know as well as I do that it was at your own particular desire and that twice under your own hand and seal expressed that I should carry you off as I did to Scotland and marry you there
Well say no more about it Sir Condy said my lady pettishlike I was a child then you know
And as far as I know youre little better now my dear Bella to be talking in this manner to your husbands face but I wont take it ill of you for I know its something in that letter you put into your pocket just now that has set you against me all on a sudden and imposed upon your understanding
Its not so very easy as you think it Sir Condy to impose upon my understanding said my lady
My dear says he I have and with reason the best opinion of your understanding of any man now breathing and you know I have never set my own in competition with it till now my dear Bella says he taking her hand from her book as kind as could be—till now when I have the great advantage of being quite cool and you not so dont believe one word your friends say against your own Sir Condy and lend me the letter out of your pocket till I see what it is they can have to say
Take it then says she and as you are quite cool I hope it is a proper time to request youll allow me to comply with the wishes of all my own friends and return to live with my father and family during the remainder of my wretched existence at Mount Juliets Town
At this my poor master fell back a few paces like one that had been shot
Youre not serious Bella says he and could you find it in your heart to leave me this way in the very middle of my distresses all alone But recollecting himself after his first surprise and a moments time for reflection he said with a great deal of consideration for my lady Well Bella my dear I believe you are right for what could you do at Castle Rackrent and an execution against the goods coming down and the furniture to be canted and an auction in the house all next week So you have my full consent to go since that is your desire only you must not think of my accompanying you which I could not in honour do upon the terms I always have been since our marriage with your friends Besides I have business to transact at home so in the meantime if we are to have any breakfast this morning let us go down and have it for the last time in peace and comfort Bella
Then as I heard my master coming to the passage door I finished fastening up my slate against the broken pane and when he came out I wiped down the windowseat with my wig I and bade him a goodmorrow as kindly as I could seeing he was in trouble though he strove and thought to hide it from me
Wigs were formerly used instead of brooms in Ireland for sweeping or dusting tables stairs etc The Editor doubted the fact till he saw a labourer of the old school sweep down a flight of stairs with his wig he afterwards put it on his head again with the utmost composure and said Oh please your honour its never a bit the worse
It must be acknowledged that these men are not in any danger of catching cold by taking off their wigs occasionally because they usually have fine crops of hair growing under their wigs The wigs are often yellow and the hair which appears from beneath them black the wigs are usually too small and are raised up by the hair beneath or by the ears of the wearers
This window is all racked and tattered says I and its what Im striving to mend
It IS all racked and tattered plain enough says he and never mind mending it honest old Thady says he it will do well enough for you and I and thats all the company we shall have left in the house by and by
Im sorry to see your honour so low this morning says I but youll be better after taking your breakfast
Step down to the servants hall said he and bring me up the pen and ink into the parlour and get a sheet of paper from Mrs Jane for I have business that cant brook to be delayed and come into the parlour with the pen and ink yourself Thady for I must have you to witness my signing a paper I have to execute in a hurry
Well while I was getting of the pen and inkhorn and the sheet of paper I ransacked my brains to think what could be the papers my poor master could have to execute in such a hurry he that never thought of such a thing as doing business afore breakfast in the whole course of his life for any man living but this was for my lady as I afterwards found and the more genteel of him after all her treatment
I was just witnessing the paper that he had scrawled over and was shaking the ink out of my pen upon the carpet when my lady came in to breakfast and she started as if it had been a ghost as well she might when she saw Sir Condy writing at this unseasonable hour
That will do very well Thady says he to me and took the paper I had signed to without knowing what upon the earth it might be out of my hands and walked folding it up to my lady
You are concerned in this my Lady Rackrent said he putting it into her hands and I beg youll keep this memorandum safe and show it to your friends the first thing you do when you get home but put it in your pocket now my dear and let us eat our breakfast in Gods name
What is all this said my lady opening the paper in great curiosity
Its only a bit of a memorandum of what I think becomes me to do whenever I am able says my master you know my situation tied hand and foot at the present time being but that cant last always and when Im dead and gone the land will be to the good Thady you know and take notice its my intention your lady should have a clear five hundred a year jointure out the estate afore any of my debts are paid Oh please your honour says I I cant expect to live to see that time being now upwards of fourscore years of age and you a young man and likely to continue so by the help of God
I was vexed to see my lady so insensible too for all she said was This is very genteel of you Sir Condy You need not wait any longer Thady So I just picked up the pen and ink that had tumbled on the floor and heard my master finish with saying You behaved very genteel to me my dear when you threw all the little you had in your power along with yourself into my hands and as I dont deny but what you may have had some things to complain of—to be sure he was thinking then of Judy or of the whiskypunch one or tother or both—and as I dont deny but you may have had something to complain of my dear it is but fair you should have something in the form of compensation to look forward to agreeably in future besides its an act of justice to myself that none of your friends my dear may ever have it to say against me I married for money and not for love
That is the last thing I should ever have thought of saying of you Sir Condy said my lady looking very gracious
Then my dear said Sir Condy we shall part as good friends as we met so alls right
I was greatly rejoiced to hear this and went out of the parlour to report it all to the kitchen The next morning my lady and Mrs Jane set out for Mount Juliets Town in the jauntingcar Many wondered at my ladys choosing to go away considering all things upon the jauntingcar as if it was only a party of pleasure but they did not know till I told them that the coach was all broke in the journey down and no other vehicle but the car to be had Besides my ladys friends were to send their coach to meet her at the crossroads so it was all done very proper
My poor master was in great trouble after my lady left us The execution came down and everything at Castle Rackrent was seized by the gripers and my son Jason to his shame be it spoken amongst them I wondered for the life of me how he could harden himself to do it but then he had been studying the law and had made himself Attorney Quirk so he brought down at once a heap of accounts upon my masters head To cash lent and to ditto and to ditto and to ditto and oats and bills paid at the milliners and linendrapers and many dresses for the fancy balls in Dublin for my lady and all the bills to the workmen and tradesmen for the scenery of the theatre and the chandlers and grocers bills and tailors besides butchers and bakers and worse than all the old one of that base wine merchants that wanted to arrest my poor master for the amount on the election day for which amount Sir Condy afterwards passed his note of hand bearing lawful interest from the date thereof and the interest and compound interest was now mounted to a terrible deal on many other notes and bonds for money borrowed and there was besides hushmoney to the subsheriffs and sheets upon sheets of old and new attorneys bills with heavy balances as per former account furnished brought forward with interest thereon then there was a powerful deal due to the Crown for sixteen years arrear of quitrent of the townlands of Carrickshaughlin with drivers fees and a compliment to the receiver every year for letting the quitrent run on to oblige Sir Condy and Sir Kit afore him Then there were bills for spirits and ribands at the election time and the gentlemen of the committees accounts unsettled and their subscription never gathered and there were cows to be paid for with the smith and farriers bills to be set against the rent of the demesne with calf and hay money then there was all the servants wages since I dont know when coming due to them and sums advanced for them by my son Jason for clothes and boots and whips and odd moneys for sundries expended by them in journeys to town and elsewhere and pocketmoney for the master continually and messengers and postage before his being a Parliament man I cant myself tell you what besides but this I know that when the evening came on the which Sir Condy had appointed to settle all with my son Jason and when he comes into the parlour and sees the sight of bills and load of papers all gathered on the great diningtable for him he puts his hands before both his eyes and cried out Merciful Jasus what is it I see before me Then I sets an armchair at the table for him and with a deal of difficulty he sits him down and my son Jason hands him over the pen and ink to sign to this mans bill and tother mans bill all which he did without making the least objections Indeed to give him his due I never seen a man more fair and honest and easy in all his dealings from first to last as Sir Condy or more willing to pay every man his own as far as he was able which is as much as any one can do
Well says he joking like with Jason I wish we could settle it all with a stroke of my grey goose quill What signifies making me wade through all this ocean of papers here cant you now who understand drawing out an account debtor and creditor just sit down here at the corner of the table and get it done out for me that I may have a clear view of the balance which is all I need be talking about you know
Very true Sir Condy nobody understands business better than yourself says Jason
So Ive a right to do being born and bred to the bar says Sir Condy Thady do step out and see are they bringing in the things for the punch for weve just done all we have to do for this evening
I goes out accordingly and when I came back Jason was pointing to the balance which was a terrible sight to my poor master
Pooh pooh pooh says he Heres so many noughts they dazzle my eyes so they do and put me in mind of all I suffered larning of my numeration table when I was a boy at the dayschool along with you Jason—units tens hundreds tens of hundreds Is the punch ready Thady says he seeing me
Immediately the boy has the jug in his hand its coming upstairs please your honour as fast as possible says I for I saw his honour was tired out of his life but Jason very short and cruel cuts me off with—Dont be talking of punch yet awhile its no time for punch yet a bit—units tens hundreds goes he on counting over the masters shoulder units tens hundreds thousands
Aaah hold your hand cries my master Where in this wide world am I to find hundreds or units itself let alone thousands
The balance has been running on too long says Jason sticking to him as I could not have done at the time if youd have given both the Indies and Cork to boot the balance has been running on too long and Im distressed myself on your account Sir Condy for money and the thing must be settled now on the spot and the balance cleared off says Jason
Ill thank you if youll only show me how says Sir Condy
Theres but one way says Jason and thats ready enough When theres no cash what can a gentleman do but go to the land
How can you go to the land and it under custodiam to yourself already says Sir Condy and another custodiam hanging over it And no one at all can touch it you know but the custodees
Sure cant you sell though at a loss Sure you can sell and Ive a purchaser ready for you says Jason
Have you so says Sir Condy Thats a great point gained But theres a thing now beyond all that perhaps you dont know yet barring Thady has let you into the secret
Sarrah bit of a secret or anything at all of the kind has he learned from me these fifteen weeks come St Johns Eve says I for we have scarce been upon speaking terms of late But what is it your honour means of a secret
Why the secret of the little keepsake I gave my Lady Rackrent the morning she left us that she might not go back emptyhanded to her friends
My Lady Rackrent Im sure has baubles and keepsakes enough as those bills on the table will show says Jason but whatever it is says he taking up his pen we must add it to the balance for to be sure it cant be paid for
No nor cant till after my decease says Sir Condy thats one good thing Then colouring up a good deal he tells Jason of the memorandum of the five hundred ayear jointure he had settled upon my lady at which Jason was indeed mad and said a great deal in very high words that it was using a gentleman who had the management of his affairs and was moreover his principal creditor extremely ill to do such a thing without consulting him and against his knowledge and consent To all which Sir Condy had nothing to reply but that upon his conscience it was in a hurry and without a moments thought on his part and he was very sorry for it but if it was to do over again he would do the same and he appealed to me and I was ready to give my evidence if that would do to the truth of all he said
So Jason with much ado was brought to agree to a compromise
The purchaser that I have ready says he will be much displeased to be sure at the encumbrance on the land but I must see and manage him Heres a deed ready drawn up we have nothing to do but to put in the consideration money and our names to it
And how much am I going to sell—the lands of OShaughlins Town and the lands of Gruneaghoolaghan and the lands of Crookagnawaturgh says he just reading to himself And—oh murder Jason sure you wont put this in—the castle stable and appurtenances of Castle Rackrent
Oh murder says I clapping my hands this is too bad Jason
Why so said Jason When its all and a great deal more to the back of it lawfully mine was I to push for it
Look at him says I pointing to Sir Condy who was just leaning back in his armchair with his arms falling beside him like one stupefied is it you Jason that can stand in his presence and recollect all he has been to us and all we have been to him and yet use him so at the last
Who will you find to use him better I ask you said Jason if he can get a better purchaser Im content I only offer to purchase to make things easy and oblige him though I dont see what compliment I am under if you come to that I have never had asked or charged more than sixpence in the pound receivers fees and where would he have got an agent for a penny less
Oh Jason Jason how will you stand to this in the face of the county and all who know you says I and what will people think and say when they see you living here in Castle Rackrent and the lawful owner turned out of the seat of his ancestors without a cabin to put his head into or so much as a potato to eat
Jason whilst I was saying this and a great deal more made me signs and winks and frowns but I took no heed for I was grieved and sick at heart for my poor master and couldnt but speak
Heres the punch says Jason for the door opened heres the punch
Hearing that my master starts up in his chair and recollects himself and Jason uncorks the whisky
Set down the jug here says he making room for it beside the papers opposite to Sir Condy but still not stirring the deed that was to make over all
Well I was in great hopes he had some touch of mercy about him when I saw him making the punch and my master took a glass but Jason put it back as he was going to fill again saying No Sir Condy it shant be said of me I got your signature to this deed when you were halfseas over you know your name and handwriting in that condition would not if brought before the courts benefit me a straw wherefore let us settle all before we go deeper into the punchbowl
Settle all as you will said Sir Condy clapping his hands to his ears but let me hear no more Im bothered to death this night
Youve only to sign said Jason putting the pen to him
Take all and be content said my master So he signed and the man who brought in the punch witnessed it for I was not able but crying like a child and besides Jason said which I was glad of that I was no fit witness being so old and doting It was so bad with me I could not taste a drop of the punch itself though my master himself God bless him in the midst of his trouble poured out a glass for me and brought it up to my lips
Not a drop I thank your honours honour as much as if I took it though And I just set down the glass as it was and went out and when I got to the street door the neighbours childer who were playing at marbles there seeing me in great trouble left their play and gathered about me to know what ailed me and I told them all for it was a great relief to me to speak to these poor childer that seemed to have some natural feeling left in them and when they were made sensible that Sir Condy was going to leave Castle Rackrent for good and all they set up a whillaluh that could be heard to the farthest end of the street and one—fine boy he was—that my master had given an apple to that morning cried the loudest but they all were the same sorry for Sir Condy was greatly beloved amongst the childer for letting them go anutting in the demesne without saying a word to them though my lady objected to them The people in the town who were the most of them standing at their doors hearing the childer cry would know the reason of it and when the report was made known the people one and all gathered in great anger against my son Jason and terror at the notion of his coming to be landlord over them and they cried No Jason no Jason Sir Condy Sir Condy Sir Condy Rackrent for ever And the mob grew so great and so loud I was frightened and made my way back to the house to warn my son to make his escape or hide himself for fear of the consequences Jason would not believe me till they came all round the house and to the windows with great shouts Then he grew quite pale and asked Sir Condy what had he best do
Ill tell you what you had best do said Sir Condy who was laughing to see his fright finish your glass first then lets go to the window and show ourselves and Ill tell em—or you shall if you please—that Im going to the Lodge for change of air for my health and by my own desire for the rest of my days
Do so said Jason who never meant it should have been so but could not refuse him the Lodge at this unseasonable time Accordingly Sir Condy threw up the sash and explained matters and thanked all his friends and bid them look in at the punchbowl and observe that Jason and he had been sitting over it very good friends so the mob was content and he sent them out some whisky to drink his health and that was the last time his honours health was ever drunk at Castle Rackrent
The very next day being too proud as he said to me to stay an hour longer in a house that did not belong to him he sets off to the Lodge and I along with him not many hours after And there was great bemoaning through all OShaughlins Town which I stayed to witness and gave my poor master a full account of when I got to the Lodge He was very low and in his bed when I got there and complained of a great pain about his heart but I guessed it was only trouble and all the business let alone vexation he had gone through of late and knowing the nature of him from a boy I took my pipe and whilst smoking it by the chimney began telling him how he was beloved and regretted in the county and it did him a deal of good to hear it
Your honour has a great many friends yet that you dont know of rich and poor in the county says I for as I was coming along the road I met two gentlemen in their own carriages who asked after you knowing me and wanted to know where you was and all about you and even how old I was Think of that
Then he wakened out of his doze and began questioning me who the gentlemen were And the next morning it came into my head to go unknown to anybody with my masters compliments round to many of the gentlemens houses where he and my lady used to visit and people that I knew were his great friends and would go to Cork to serve him any day in the year and I made bold to try to borrow a trifle of cash from them They all treated me very civil for the most part and asked a great many questions very kind about my lady and Sir Condy and all the family and were greatly surprised to learn from me Castle Rackrent was sold and my master at the Lodge for health and they all pitied him greatly and he had their good wishes if that would do but money was a thing they unfortunately had not any of them at this time to spare I had my journey for my pains and I not used to walking nor supple as formerly was greatly tired but had the satisfaction of telling my master when I got to the Lodge all the civil things said by high and low
Thady says he all youve been telling me brings a strange thought into my head Ive a notion I shall not be long for this world anyhow and Ive a great fancy to see my own funeral afore I die I was greatly shocked at the first speaking to hear him speak so light about his funeral and he to all appearance in good health but recollecting myself answered
To be sure it would be as fine a sight as one could see I dared to say and one I should be proud to witness and I did not doubt his honours would be as great a funeral as ever Sir Patrick OShaughlins was and such a one as that had never been known in the county afore or since But I never thought he was in earnest about seeing his own funeral himself till the next day he returns to it again
Thady says he as far as the wake goes sure I might without any great trouble have the satisfaction of seeing a bit of my own funeral A wake in England is a meeting avowedly for merriment in Ireland it is a nocturnal meeting avowedly for the purpose of watching and bewailing the dead but in reality for gossiping and debauchery See GLOSSARY 28
Well since your honours honours SO bent upon it says I not willing to cross him and he in trouble we must see what we can do
So he fell into a sort of sham disorder which was easy done as he kept his bed and no one to see him and I got my shister who was an old woman very handy about the sick and very skilful to come up to the Lodge to nurse him and we gave out she knowing no better that he was just at his latter end and it answered beyond anything and there was a great throng of people men women and childer and there being only two rooms at the Lodge except what was locked up full of Jasons furniture and things the house was soon as full and fuller than it could hold and the heat and smoke and noise wonderful great and standing amongst them that were near the bed but not thinking at all of the dead I was startled by the sound of my masters voice from under the greatcoats that had been thrown all at top and I went close up no one noticing
Thady says he Ive had enough of this Im smothering and cant hear a word of all theyre saying of the deceased
God bless you and lie still and quiet says I a bit longer for my shisters afraid of ghosts and would die on the spot with fright was she to see you come to life all on a sudden this way without the least preparation
So he lays him still though well nigh stifled and I made all haste to tell the secret of the joke whispering to one and tother and there was a great surprise but not so great as we had laid out it would And arent we to have the pipes and tobacco after coming so far tonight said some but they were all well enough pleased when his honour got up to drink with them and sent for more spirits from a shebeenhouse Shebeenhouse a hedge alehouse Shebeen properly means weak smallbeer taplash where they very civilly let him have it upon credit So the night passed off very merrily but to my mind Sir Condy was rather upon the sad order in the midst of it all not finding there had been such a great talk about himself after his death as he had always expected to hear
The next morning when the house was cleared of them and none but my shister and myself left in the kitchen with Sir Condy one opens the door and walks in and who should it be but Judy MQuirk herself I forgot to notice that she had been married long since whilst young Captain Moneygawl lived at the Lodge to the captains huntsman who after a whilst listed and left her and was killed in the wars Poor Judy fell off greatly in her good looks after her being married a year or two and being smokedried in the cabin and neglecting herself like it was hard for Sir Condy himself to know her again till she spoke but when she says Its Judy MQuirk please your honour dont you remember her
Oh Judy is it you says his honour Yes sure I remember you very well but youre greatly altered Judy
Sure its time for me says she And I think your honour since I seen you last—but thats a great while ago—is altered too
And with reason Judy says Sir Condy fetching a sort of a sigh But hows this Judy he goes on I take it a little amiss of you that you were not at my wake last night
Ah dont be being jealous of that says she I didnt hear a sentence of your honours wake till it was all over or it would have gone hard with me but I would have been at it sure but I was forced to go ten miles up the country three days ago to a wedding of a relation of my owns and didnt get home till after the wake was over But says she it wont be so I hope the next time please your honour At the coronation of one of our monarchs the King complained of the confusion which happened in the procession The great officer who presided told his Majesty that it should not be so next time
That we shall see Judy says his honour and maybe sooner than you think for for Ive been very unwell this while past and dont reckon anyway Im long for this world
At this Judy takes up the corner of her apron and puts it first to one eye and then to tother being to all appearance in great trouble and my shister put in her word and bid his honour have a good heart for she was sure it was only the gout that Sir Patrick used to have flying about him and he ought to drink a glass or a bottle extraordinary to keep it out of his stomach and he promised to take her advice and sent out for more spirits immediately and Judy made a sign to me and I went over to the door to her and she said I wonder to see Sir Condy so low has he heard the news
What news says I
Didnt ye hear it then says she my Lady Rackrent that was is kilt See GLOSSARY 29 and lying for dead and I dont doubt but its all over with her by this time
Mercy on us all says I how was it
The jauntingcar it was that ran away with her says Judy I was coming home that same time from Biddy MGuggins marriage and a great crowd of people too upon the road coming from the fair of Crookaghnawaturgh and I sees a jauntingcar standing in the middle of the road and with the two wheels off and all tattered Whats this says I Didnt ye hear of it says they that were looking on its my Lady Rackrents car that was running away from her husband and the horse took fright at a carrion that lay across the road and so ran away with the jauntingcar and my Lady Rackrent and her maid screaming and the horse ran with them against a car that was coming from the fair with the boy asleep on it and the ladys petticoat hanging out of the jauntingcar caught and she was dragged I cant tell you how far upon the road and it all broken up with the stones just going to be pounded and one of the roadmakers with his sledgehammer in his hand stops the horse at the last but my Lady Rackrent was all kilt and smashed KILT AND SMASHED—Our author is not here guilty of an anticlimax The mere English reader from a similarity of sound between the words kilt and killed might be induced to suppose that their meanings are similar yet they are not by any means in Ireland synonymous terms Thus you may hear a man exclaim Im kilt and murdered but he frequently means only that he has received a black eye or a slight contusion Im kilt all over means that he is in a worse state than being simply kilt Thus Im kilt with the cold is nothing to Im kilt all over with the rheumatism and they lifted her into a cabin hard by and the maid was found after where she had been thrown in the gripe of a ditch her cap and bonnet all full of bog water and they say my lady cant live anyway Thady pray now is it true what Im told for sartain that Sir Condy has made over all to your son Jason
All says I
All entirely says she again
All entirely says I
Then says she thats a great shame but dont be telling Jason what I say
And what is it you say cries Sir Condy leaning over betwixt us which made Judy start greatly I know the time when Judy MQuirk would never have stayed so long talking at the door and I in the house
Oh says Judy for shame Sir Condy times are altered since then and its my Lady Rackrent you ought to be thinking of
And why should I be thinking of her thats not thinking of me now says Sir Condy
No matter for that says Judy very properly its time you should be thinking of her if ever you mean to do it at all for dont you know shes lying for death
My Lady Rackrent says Sir Condy in a surprise why its but two days since we parted as you very well know Thady in her full health and spirits and she and her maid along with her going to Mount Juliets Town on her jauntingcar
Shell never ride no more on her jauntingcar said Judy for it has been the death of her sure enough
And is she dead then says his honour
As good as dead I hear says Judy but theres Thady here as just learnt the whole truth of the story as I had it and its fitter he or anybody else should be telling it you than I Sir Condy I must be going home to the childer
But he stops her but rather from civility in him as I could see very plainly than anything else for Judy was as his honour remarked at her first coming in greatly changed and little likely as far as I could see—though she did not seem to be clear of it herself—little likely to be my Lady Rackrent now should there be a second tossup to be made But I told him the whole story out of the face just as Judy had told it to me and he sent off a messenger with his compliments to Mount Juliets Town that evening to learn the truth of the report and Judy bid the boy that was going call in at Tim MEnerneys shop in OShaughlins Town and buy her a new shawl
Do so Said Sir Condy and tell Tim to take no money from you for I must pay him for the shawl myself At this my shister throws me over a look and I says nothing but turned the tobacco in my mouth whilst Judy began making a many words about it and saying how she could not be beholden for shawls to any gentleman I left her there to consult with my shister did she think there was anything in it and my shister thought I was blind to be asking her the question and I thought my shister must see more into it than I did and recollecting all past times and everything I changed my mind and came over to her way of thinking and we settled it that Judy was very like to be my Lady Rackrent after all if a vacancy should have happened
The next day before his honour was up somebody comes with a double knock at the door and I was greatly surprised to see it was my son Jason
Jason is it you said I what brings you to the Lodge says I Is it my Lady Rackrent We know that already since yesterday
Maybe so says he but I must see Sir Condy about it
You cant see him yet says I sure he is not awake
What then says he cant he be wakened and I standing at the door
Ill not be disturbing his honour for you Jason says I manys the hour youve waited in your time and been proud to do it till his honour was at leisure to speak to you His honour says I raising my voice at which his honour wakens of his own accord and calls to me from the room to know who it was I was speaking to Jason made no more ceremony but follows me into the room
How are you Sir Condy says he Im happy to see you looking so well I came up to know how you did today and to see did you want for anything at the Lodge
Nothing at all Mr Jason I thank you says he for his honour had his own share of pride and did not choose after all that had passed to be beholden I suppose to my son but pray take a chair and be seated Mr Jason
Jason sat him down upon the chest for chair there was none and after he had set there some time and a silence on all sides
What news is there stirring in the country Mr Jason MQuirk says Sir Condy very easy yet high like
None thats news to you Sir Condy I hear says Jason I am sorry to hear of my Lady Rackrents accident
Im much obliged to you and so is her ladyship Im sure answered Sir Condy still stiff and there was another sort of a silence which seemed to lie the heaviest on my son Jason
Sir Condy says he at last seeing Sir Condy disposing himself to go to sleep again Sir Condy I daresay you recollect mentioning to me the little memorandum you gave to Lady Rackrent about the L500 a year jointure
Very true said Sir Condy it is all in my recollection But if my Lady Rackrent dies theres an end of all jointure says Jason
Of course says Sir Condy
But its not a matter of certainty that my Lady Rackrent wont recover says Jason
Very true sir says my master
Its a fair speculation then for you to consider what the chance of the jointure of those lands when out of custodiam will be to you
Just five hundred a year I take it without any speculation at all said Sir Condy
Thats supposing the life dropt and the custodiam off you know begging your pardon Sir Condy who understands business that is a wrong calculation
Very likely so said Sir Condy but Mr Jason if you have anything to say to me this morning about it Id be obliged to you to say it for I had an indifferent nights rest last night and wouldnt be sorry to sleep a little this morning
I have only three words to say and those more of consequence to you Sir Condy than me You are a little cool I observe but I hope you will not be offended at what I have brought here in my pocket and he pulls out two long rolls and showers down golden guineas upon the bed
Whats this said Sir Condy its long since—but his pride stops him
All these are your lawful property this minute Sir Condy if you please said Jason
Not for nothing Im sure said Sir Condy and laughs a little Nothing for nothing or Im under a mistake with you Jason
Oh Sir Condy well not be indulging ourselves in any unpleasant retrospects says Jason its my present intention to behave as Im sure you will like a gentleman in this affair Heres two hundred guineas and a third I mean to add if you should think proper to make over to me all your right and title to those lands that you know of
Ill consider of it said my master and a great deal more that I was tired listening to was said by Jason and all that and the sight of the ready cash upon the bed worked with his honour and the short and the long of it was Sir Condy gathered up the golden guineas and tied them up in a handkerchief and signed some paper Jason brought with him as usual and there was an end of the business Jason took himself away and my master turned himself round and fell asleep again
I soon found what had put Jason in such a hurry to conclude this business The little gossoon we had sent off the day before with my masters compliments to Mount Juliets Town and to know how my lady did after her accident was stopped early this morning coming back with his answer through OShaughlins Town at Castle Rackrent by my son Jason and questioned of all he knew of my lady from the servant at Mount Juliets Town and the gossoon told him my Lady Rackrent was not expected to live over night so Jason thought it high time to be moving to the Lodge to make his bargain with my master about the jointure afore it should be too late and afore the little gossoon should reach us with the news My master was greatly vexed—that is I may say as much as ever I seen him when he found how he had been taken in but it was some comfort to have the ready cash for immediate consumption in the house anyway
And when Judy came up that evening and brought the childer to see his honour he unties the handkerchief and—God bless him whether it was little or much he had twas all the same with him—he gives em all round guineas apiece
Hold up your head says my shister to Judy as Sir Condy was busy filling out a glass of punch for her eldest boy—Hold up your head Judy for who knows but we may live to see you yet at the head of the Castle Rackrent estate
Maybe so says she but not the way you are thinking of
I did not rightly understand which way Judy was looking when she made this speech till a while after
Why Thady you were telling me yesterday that Sir Condy had sold all entirely to Jason and where then does all them guineas in the handkerchief come from
They are the purchasemoney of my ladys jointure says I
Judy looks a little bit puzzled at this A penny for your thoughts Judy says my shister hark sure Sir Condy is drinking her health
He was at the table in the room THE ROOM—the principal room in the house drinking with the exciseman and the gauger who came up to see his honour and we were standing over the fire in the kitchen
I dont much care is he drinking my health or not says Judy and it is not Sir Condy Im thinking of with all your jokes whatever he is of me
Sure you wouldnt refuse to be my Lady Rackrent Judy if you had the offer says I
But if I could do better says she
How better says I and my shister both at once
How better says she Why what signifies it to be my Lady Rackrent and no castle Sure what good is the car and no horse to draw it
And where will ye get the horse Judy says I
Never mind that says she maybe it is your own son Jason might find that
Jason says I dont be trusting to him Judy Sir Condy as I have good reason to know spoke well of you when Jason spoke very indifferently of you Judy
No matter says Judy its often men speak the contrary just to what they think of us
And you the same way of them no doubt answered I Nay dont he denying it Judy for I think the better of ye for it and shouldnt be proud to call ye the daughter of a shisters son of mine if I was to hear ye talk ungrateful and anyway disrespectful of his honour
What disrespect says she to say Id rather if it was my luck be the wife of another man
Youll have no luck mind my words Judy says I and all I remembered about my poor masters goodness in tossing up for her afore he married at all came across me and I had a choking in my throat that hindered me to say more
Better luck anyhow Thady says she than to be like some folk following the fortunes of them that have none left
Oh King of Glory says I hear the pride and ungratitude of her and he giving his last guineas but a minute ago to her childer and she with the fine shawl on her he made her a present of but yesterday
Oh troth Judy youre wrong now says my shister looking at the shawl
And was not he wrong yesterday then says she to be telling me I was greatly altered to affront me
But Judy says I what is it brings you here then at all in the mind you are in is it to make Jason think the better of you
Ill tell you no more of my secrets Thady says she nor would have told you this much had I taken you for such an unnatural fader as I find you are not to wish your own son prefarred to another
Oh troth you are wrong now Thady says my shister
Well I was never so put to it in my life between these womens and my son and my master and all I felt and thought just now I could not upon my conscience tell which was the wrong from the right So I said not a word more but was only glad his honour had not the luck to hear all Judy had been saying of him for I reckoned it would have gone nigh to break his heart not that I was of opinion he cared for her as much as she and my shister fancied but the ungratitude of the whole from Judy might not plase him and he could never stand the notion of not being well spoken of or beloved like behind his back Fortunately for all parties concerned he was so much elevated at this time there was no danger of his understanding anything even if it had reached his ears There was a great horn at the Lodge ever since my master and Captain Moneygawl was in together that used to belong originally to the celebrated Sir Patrick his ancestor and his honour was fond often of telling the story that he learned from me when a child how Sir Patrick drank the full of this horn without stopping and this was what no other man afore or since could without drawing breath Now Sir Condy challenged the gauger who seemed to think little of the horn to swallow the contents and had it filled to the brim with punch and the gauger said it was what he could not do for nothing but hed hold Sir Condy a hundred guineas hed do it
Done says my master Ill lay you a hundred golden guineas to a tester you dont TESTER sixpence from the French word TETE a head—a piece of silver stamped with a head which in old French was called UN TESTION and which was about the value of an old English sixpence Tester is used in Shakspeare
Done says the gauger and done and dones enough between two gentlemen The gauger was cast and my master won the bet and thought hed won a hundred guineas but by the wording it was adjudged to be only a tester that was his due by the exciseman It was all one to him he was as well pleased and I was glad to see him in such spirits again
The gauger—bad luck to him—was the man that next proposed to my master to try himself could he take at a draught the contents of the great horn
Sir Patricks horn said his honour hand it to me Ill hold you your own bet over again Ill swallow it
Done says the gauger Ill lay ye anything at all you do no such thing
A hundred guineas to sixpence I do says he bring me the handkerchief I was loth knowing he meant the handkerchief with the gold in it to bring it out in such company and his honour not very able to reckon it Bring me the handkerchief then Thady says he and stamps with his foot so with that I pulls it out of my greatcoat pocket where I had put it for safety Oh how it grieved me to see the guineas counting upon the table and they the last my master had Says Sir Condy to me Your hand is steadier than mine tonight old Thady and thats a wonder fill you the horn for me And so wishing his honour success I did but I filled it little thinking of what would befall him He swallows it down and drops like one shot We lifts him up and he was speechless and quite black in the face We put him to bed and in a short time he wakened raving with a fever on his brain He was shocking either to see or hear
Judy Judy have you no touch of feeling Wont you stay to help us nurse him says I to her and she putting on her shawl to go out of the house
Im frightened to see him says she and wouldnt nor couldnt stay in it and what use He cant last till the morning With that she ran off There was none but my shister and myself left near him of all the many friends he had
The fever came and went and came and went and lasted five days and the sixth he was sensible for a few minutes and said to me knowing me very well Im in a burning pain all withinside of me Thady I could not speak but my shister asked him would he have this thing or tother to do him good No says he nothing will do me good no more and he gave a terrible screech with the torture he was in then again a minutes ease—brought to this by drink says he Where are all the friends—wheres Judy Gone hey Ay Sir Condy has been a fool all his days said he and there was the last word he spoke and died He had but a very poor funeral after all
If you want to know any more Im not very well able to tell you but my Lady Rackrent did not die as was expected of her but was only disfigured in the face ever after by the fall and bruises she got and she and Jason immediately after my poor masters death set about going to law about that jointure the memorandum not being on stamped paper some say it is worth nothing others again it may do others say Jason wont have the lands at any rate many wishes it so For my part Im tired wishing for anything in this world after all Ive seen in it but Ill say nothing—it would be a folly to be getting myself illwill in my old age Jason did not marry nor think of marrying Judy as I prophesied and I am not sorry for it who is As for all I have here set down from memory and hearsay of the family theres nothing but truth in it from beginning to end That you may depend upon for wheres the use of telling lies about the things which everybody knows as well as I do
The Editor could have readily made the catastrophe of Sir Condys history more dramatic and more pathetic if he thought it allowable to varnish the plain round tale of faithful Thady He lays it before the English reader as a specimen of manners and characters which are perhaps unknown in England Indeed the domestic habits of no nation in Europe were less known to the English than those of their sister country till within these few years
Mr Youngs picture of Ireland in his tour through that country was the first faithful portrait of its inhabitants All the features in the foregoing sketch were taken from the life and they are characteristic of that mixture of quickness simplicity cunning carelessness dissipation disinterestedness shrewdness and blunder which in different forms and with various success has been brought upon the stage or delineated in novels
It is a problem of difficult solution to determine whether a union will hasten or retard the amelioration of this country The few gentlemen of education who now reside in this country will resort to England They are few but they are in nothing inferior to men of the same rank in Great Britain The best that can happen will be the introduction of British manufacturers in their places
Did the Warwickshire militia who were chiefly artisans teach the Irish to drink beer or did they learn from the Irish to drink whisky
GLOSSARY
SOME FRIENDS WHO HAVE SEEN THADYS HISTORY SINCE IT HAS BEEN PRINTED HAVE SUGGESTED TO THE EDITOR THAT MANY OF THE TERMS AND IDIOMATIC PHRASES WITH WHICH IT ABOUNDS COULD NOT BE INTELLIGIBLE TO THE ENGLISH READER WITHOUT FURTHER EXPLANATION THE EDITOR HAS THEREFORE FURNISHED THE FOLLOWING GLOSSARY
GLOSSARY 1 MONDAY MORNING—
Thady begins his memoirs of the Rackrent Family by dating MONDAY MORNING because no great undertaking can be auspiciously commenced in Ireland on any morning but MONDAY MORNING Oh please God we live till Monday morning well set the slater to mend the roof of the house On Monday morning well fall to and cut the turf On Monday morning well see and begin mowing On Monday morning please your honour well begin and dig the potatoes etc
All the intermediate days between the making of such speeches and the ensuing Monday are wasted and when Monday morning comes it is ten to one that the business is deferred to THE NEXT Monday morning The Editor knew a gentleman who to counteract this prejudice made his workmen and labourers begin all new pieces of work upon a Saturday
GLOSSARY 2 LET ALONE THE THREE KINGDOMS ITSELF
—LET ALONE in this sentence means put out of consideration The phrase let alone which is now used as the imperative of a verb may in time become a conjunction and may exercise the ingenuity of some future etymologist The celebrated Horne Tooke has proved most satisfactorily that the conjunction but comes from the imperative of the AngloSaxon verb BEOUTAN TO BE OUT also that IF comes from GIF the imperative of the AngloSaxon verb which signifies TO GIVE etc
GLOSSARY 3 WHILLALUH
—Ullaloo Gol or lamentation over the dead—
Magnoque ululante tumultu—VIRGIL
Ululatibus omne
Implevere nemus—OVID
A full account of the Irish Gol or Ullaloo and of the Caoinan or Irish funeral song with its first semichorus second semichorus full chorus of sighs and groans together with the Irish words and music may be found in the fourth volume of the TRANSACTIONS OF THE ROYAL IRISH ACADEMY For the advantage of LAZY readers who would rather read a page than walk a yard and from compassion not to say sympathy with their infirmity the Editor transcribes the following passages—
The Irish have been always remarkable for their funeral lamentations and this peculiarity has been noticed by almost every traveller who visited them and it seems derived from their Celtic ancestors the primaeval inhabitants of this isle
It has been affirmed of the Irish that to cry was more natural to them than to any other nation and at length the Irish cry became proverbial
Cambrensis in the twelfth century says the Irish then musically expressed their griefs that is they applied the musical art in which they excelled all others to the orderly celebration of funeral obsequies by dividing the mourners into two bodies each alternately singing their part and the whole at times joining in full chorus The body of the deceased dressed in grave clothes and ornamented with flowers was placed on a bier or some elevated spot The relations and keepers SINGING MOURNERS ranged themselves in two divisions one at the head and the other at the feet of the corpse The bards and croteries had before prepared the funeral Caoinan The chief bard of the head chorus began by singing the first stanza in a low doleful tone which was softly accompanied by the harp at the conclusion the foot semichorus began the lamentation or Ullaloo from the final note of the preceding stanza in which they were answered by the head semichorus then both united in one general chorus The chorus of the first stanza being ended the chief bard of the foot semichorus began the second Gol or lamentation in which he was answered by that of the head and then as before both united in the general full chorus Thus alternately were the song and choruses performed during the night The genealogy rank possessions the virtues and vices of the dead were rehearsed and a number of interrogations were addressed to the deceased as Why did he die If married whether his wife was faithful to him his sons dutiful or good hunters or warriors If a woman whether her daughters were fair or chaste If a young man whether he had been crossed in love or if the blueeyed maids of Erin treated him with scorn
We are told that formerly the feet the metrical feet of the Caoinan were much attended to but on the decline of the Irish bards these feet were gradually neglected and the Caoinan fell into a sort of slipshod metre amongst women Each province had different Caoinans or at least different imitations of the original There was the Munster cry the Ulster cry etc It became an extempore performance and every set of keepers varied the melody according to their own fancy
It is curious to observe how customs and ceremonies degenerate The present Irish cry or howl cannot boast of such melody nor is the funeral procession conducted with much dignity The crowd of people who assemble at these funerals sometimes amounts to a thousand often to four or five hundred They gather as the bearers of the hearse proceed on their way and when they pass through any village or when they come near any houses they begin to cry—Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Agh Agh raising their notes from the first OH to the last AGH in a kind of mournful howl This gives notice to the inhabitants of the village that a FUNERAL IS PASSING and immediately they flock out to follow it In the province of Munster it is a common thing for the women to follow a funeral to join in the universal cry with all their might and main for some time and then to turn and ask—Arrah who is it thats dead—who is it were crying for Even the poorest people have their own buryingplaces—that is spots of ground in the churchyards where they say that their ancestors have been buried ever since the wars of Ireland and if these burialplaces are ten miles from the place where a man dies his friends and neighbours take care to carry his corpse thither Always one priest often five or six priests attend these funerals each priest repeats a mass for which he is paid sometimes a shilling sometimes half a crown sometimes half a guinea or a guinea according to their circumstances or as they say according to the ability of the deceased After the burial of any very poor man who has left a widow or children the priest makes what is called a COLLECTION for the widow he goes round to every person present and each contributes sixpence or a shilling or what they please The reader will find in the note upon the word WAKE more particulars respecting the conclusion of the Irish funerals
Certain old women who cry particularly loud and well are in great request and as a man said to the Editor Every one would wish and be proud to have such at his funeral or at that of his friends The lower Irish are wonderfully eager to attend the funerals of their friends and relations and they make their relationships branch out to a great extent The proof that a poor man has been well beloved during his life is his having a crowded funeral To attend a neighbours funeral is a cheap proof of humanity but it does not as some imagine cost nothing The time spent in attending funerals may be safely valued at half a million to the Irish nation the Editor thinks that double that sum would not be too high an estimate The habits of profligacy and drunkenness which are acquired at WAKES are here put out of the question When a labourer a carpenter or a smith is not at his work which frequently happens ask where he is gone and ten to one the answer is—Oh faith please your honour he couldnt do a stroke today for hes gone to THE funeral
Even beggars when they grow old go about begging FOR THEIR OWN FUNERALS that is begging for money to buy a coffin candles pipes and tobacco For the use of the candles pipes and tobacco see WAKE
Those who value customs in proportion to their antiquity and nations in proportion to their adherence to ancient customs will doubtless admire the Irish ULLALOO and the Irish nation for persevering in this usage from time immemorial The Editor however has observed some alarming symptoms which seem to prognosticate the declining taste for the Ullaloo in Ireland In a comic theatrical entertainment represented not long since on the Dublin stage a chorus of old women was introduced who set up the Irish howl round the relics of a physician who is supposed to have fallen under the wooden sword of Harlequin After the old women have continued their Ullaloo for a decent time with all the necessary accompaniments of wringing their hands wiping or rubbing their eyes with the corners of their gowns or aprons etc one of the mourners suddenly suspends her lamentable cries and turning to her neighbour asks Arrah now honey who is it were crying for
GLOSSARY 4 THE TENANTS WERE SENT AWAY WITHOUT THEIR WHISKY
—It is usual with some landlords to give their inferior tenants a glass of whisky when they pay their rents Thady calls it THEIR whisky not that the whisky is actually the property of the tenants but that it becomes their RIGHT after it has been often given to them In this general mode of reasoning respecting RIGHTS the lower Irish are not singular but they are peculiarly quick and tenacious in claiming these rights Last year your honour gave me some straw for the roof of my house and I EXPECT your honour will be after doing the same this year In this manner gifts are frequently turned into tributes The high and low are not always dissimilar in their habits It is said that the Sublime Ottoman Forte is very apt to claim gifts as tributes thus it is dangerous to send the Grand Seignor a fine horse on his birthday one year lest on his next birthday he should expect a similar present and should proceed to demonstrate the reasonableness of his expectations
GLOSSARY 5 HE DEMEANED HIMSELF GREATLY—
Means he lowered or disgraced himself much
GLOSSARY 6 DUTY FOWLS DUTY TURKEYS AND DUTY GEESE—
In many leases in Ireland tenants were formerly bound to supply an inordinate quantity of poultry to their landlords The Editor knew of thirty turkeys being reserved in one lease of a small farm
GLOSSARY 7 ENGLISH TENANTS—
An English tenant does not mean a tenant who is an Englishman but a tenant who pays his rent the day that it is due It is a common prejudice in Ireland amongst the poorer classes of people to believe that all tenants in England pay their rents on the very day when they become due An Irishman when he goes to take a farm if he wants to prove to his landlord that he is a substantial man offers to become an ENGLISH TENANT If a tenant disobliges his landlord by voting against him or against his opinion at an election the tenant is immediately informed by the agent that he must become an ENGLISH TENANT This threat does not imply that he is to change his language or his country but that he must pay all the arrear of rent which he owes and that he must thenceforward pay his rent on that day when it becomes due
GLOSSARY 8 CANTING—
Does not mean talking or writing hypocritical nonsense but selling substantially by auction
GLOSSARY 9 DUTY WORK—
It was formerly common in Ireland to insert clauses in leases binding tenants to furnish their landlords with labourers and horses for several days in the year Much petty tyranny and oppression have resulted from this feudal custom Whenever a poor man disobliged his landlord the agent sent to him for his duty work and Thady does not exaggerate when he says that the tenants were often called from their own work to do that of their landlord Thus the very means of earning their rent were taken from them whilst they were getting home their landlords harvest their own was often ruined and yet their rents were expected to be paid as punctually as if their time had been at their own disposal This appears the height of absurd injustice
In Esthonia amongst the poor Sclavonian race of peasant slaves they pay tributes to their lords not under the name of duty work duty geese duty turkeys etc but under the name of RIGHTEOUSNESSES The following ballad is a curious specimen of Esthonian poetry—
This is the cause that the country is ruined
And the straw of the thatch is eaten away
The gentry are come to live in the land—
Chimneys between the village
And the proprietor upon the white floor
The sheep brings forth a lamb with a white forehead
This is paid to the lord for a RIGHTEOUSNESS SHEEP
The sow farrows pigs
They go to the spit of the lord
The hen lays eggs
They go into the lords fryingpan
The cow drops a male calf
That goes into the lords herd as a bull
The mare foals a horse foal
That must be for my lords nag
The boors wife has sons
They must go to look after my lords poultry
GLOSSARY 10 OUT OF FORTYNINE SUITS WHICH HE HAD HE NEVER LOST ONE BUT SEVENTEEN
—Thadys language in this instance is a specimen of a mode of rhetoric common in Ireland An astonishing assertion is made in the beginning of a sentence which ceases to be in the least surprising when you hear the qualifying explanation that follows Thus a man who is in the last stage of staggering drunkenness will if he can articulate swear to you—Upon his conscience now and may he never stir from the spot alive if he is telling a lie upon his conscience he has not tasted a drop of anything good or bad since morning atallatall but half a pint of whisky please your honour
GLOSSARY 11 FAIRY MOUNTS
—Barrows It is said that these high mounts were of great service to the natives of Ireland when Ireland was invaded by the Danes Watch was always kept on them and upon the approach of an enemy a fire was lighted to give notice to the next watch and thus the intelligence was quickly communicated through the country SOME YEARS AGO the common people believed that these barrows were inhabited by fairies or as they called them by the GOOD PEOPLE Oh troth to the best of my belief and to the best of my judgment and opinion said an elderly man to the Editor it was only the old people that had nothing to do and got together and were telling stories about them fairies but to the best of my judgment theres nothing in it Only this I heard myself not very many years back from a decent kind of a man a grazier that as he was coming just FAIR AND EASY QUIETLY from the fair with some cattle and sheep that he had not sold just at the church of —at an angle of the road like he was met by a goodlooking man who asked him where he was going And he answered Oh far enough I must be going all night No that you mustnt nor wont says the man youll sleep with me the night and youll want for nothing nor your cattle nor sheep neither nor your BEAST HORSE so come along with me With that the grazier LIT ALIGHTED from his horse and it was dark night but presently he finds himself he does not know in the wide world how in a fine house and plenty of everything to eat and drink nothing at all wanting that he could wish for or think of And he does not MIND RECOLLECT or KNOW how at last he falls asleep and in the morning he finds himself lying not in ever a bed or a house at all but just in the angle of the road where first he met the strange man there he finds himself lying on his back on the grass and all his sheep feeding as quiet as ever all round about him and his horse the same way and the bridle of the beast over his wrist And I asked him what he thought of it and from first to last he could think of nothing but for certain sure it must have been the fairies that entertained him so well For there was no house to see anywhere nigh hand or any building or barn or place at all but only the church and the MOTE BARROW Theres another odd thing enough that they tell about this same church that if any persons corpse that had not a right to be buried in that churchyard went to be burying there in it no not all the men women or childer in all Ireland could get the corpse anyway into the churchyard but as they would be trying to go into the churchyard their feet would seem to be going backwards instead of forwards ay continually backwards the whole funeral would seem to go and they would never set foot with the corpse in the churchyard Now they say that it is the fairies do all this but it is my opinion it is all idle talk and people are after being wiser now
The country people in Ireland certainly HAD great admiration mixed with reverence if not dread of fairies They believed that beneath these fairy mounts were spacious subterraneous palaces inhabited by THE GOOD PEOPLE who must not on any account be disturbed When the wind raises a little eddy of dust upon the road the poor people believe that it is raised by the fairies that it is a sign that they are journeying from one of the fairies mounts to another and they say to the fairies or to the dust as it passes God speed ye gentlemen God speed ye This averts any evil that THE GOOD PEOPLE might be inclined to do them There are innumerable stories told of the friendly and unfriendly feats of these busy fairies some of these tales are ludicrous and some romantic enough for poetry It is a pity that poets should lose such convenient though diminutive machinery By the bye Parnell who showed himself so deeply skilled in faerie lore was an Irishman and though he has presented his fairies to the world in the ancient English dress of Britains isle and Arthurs days it is probable that his first acquaintance with them began in his native country
Some remote origin for the most superstitious or romantic popular illusions or vulgar errors may often be discovered In Ireland the old churches and churchyards have been usually fixed upon as the scenes of wonders Now antiquaries tell us that near the ancient churches in that kingdom caves of various constructions have from time to time been discovered which were formerly used as granaries or magazines by the ancient inhabitants and as places to which they retreated in time of danger There is p84 of the R I A TRANSACTIONS for 1789 a particular account of a number of these artificial caves at the west end of the church of Killossy in the county of Kildare Under a rising ground in a dry sandy soil these subterraneous dwellings were found they have pediment roofs and they communicate with each other by small apertures In the Brehon laws these are mentioned and there are fines inflicted by those laws upon persons who steal from the subterraneous granaries All these things show that there was a real foundation for the stories which were told of the appearance of lights and of the sounds of voices near these places The persons who had property concealed there very willingly countenanced every wonderful relation that tended to make these places objects of sacred awe or superstitious terror
GLOSSARY 12 WEED ASHES
—By ancient usage in Ireland all the weeds on a farm belonged to the farmers wife or to the wife of the squire who holds the ground in his own hands The great demand for alkaline salts in bleaching rendered these ashes no inconsiderable perquisite
GLOSSARY 13 SEALING MONEY
—Formerly it was the custom in Ireland for tenants to give the squires lady from two to fifty guineas as a perquisite upon the sealing of their leases The Editor not very long since knew of a baronets lady accepting fifty guineas as sealing money upon closing a bargain for a considerable farm
GLOSSARY 14 SIR MURTAGH GREW MAD
—Sir Murtagh grew angry
GLOSSARY 15 THE WHOLE KITCHEN WAS OUT ON THE STAIRS
—means that all the inhabitants of the kitchen came out of the kitchen and stood upon the stairs These and similar expressions show how much the Irish are disposed to metaphor and amplification
GLOSSARY 16 FINING DOWN THE YEARS RENT
—When an Irish gentleman like Sir Kit Rackrent has lived beyond his income and finds himself distressed for ready money tenants obligingly offer to take his land at a rent far below the value and to pay him a small sum of money in hand which they call fining down the yearly rent The temptation of this ready cash often blinds the landlord to his future interest
GLOSSARY 17 DRIVER
—A man who is employed to drive tenants for rent that is to drive the cattle belonging to tenants to pound The office of driver is by no means a sinecure
GLOSSARY 18 I THOUGHT TO MAKE HIM A PRIEST
—It was customary amongst those of Thadys rank in Ireland whenever they could get a little money to send their sons abroad to St Omers or to Spain to be educated as priests Now they are educated at Maynooth The Editor has lately known a young lad who began by being a postboy afterwards turn into a carpenter then quit his plane and workbench to study his HUMANITIES as he said at the college of Maynooth but after he had gone through his course of Humanities he determined to be a soldier instead of a priest
GLOSSARY 19 FLAM
—Short for flambeau
GLOSSARY 20 BARRACKROOM
—Formerly it was customary in gentlemens houses in Ireland to fit up one large bedchamber with a number of beds for the reception of occasional visitors These rooms were called Barrackrooms
GLOSSARY 21 AN INNOCENT
—in Ireland means a simpleton an idiot
GLOSSARY 22 THE CURRAGH
—is the Newmarket of Ireland
GLOSSARY 23 THE CANT
—The auction
GLOSSARY 24 AND SO SHOULD CUT HIM OFF FOR EVER BY LEVYING A FINE
AND SUFFERING A RECOVERY TO DOCK THE ENTAIL—The English reader may perhaps be surprised at the extent of Thadys legal knowledge and at the fluency with which he pours forth lawterms but almost every poor man in Ireland be he farmer weaver shopkeeper ox steward is besides his other occupations occasionally a lawyer The nature of processes ejectments custodiams injunctions replevins etc is perfectly known to them and the terms as familiar to them as to any attorney They all love law It is a kind of lottery in which every man staking his own wit or cunning against his neighbours property feels that he has little to lose and much to gain
Ill have the law of you so I will is the saying of an Englishman who expects justice Ill have you before his honour is the threat of an Irishman who hopes for partiality Miserable is the life of a justice of the peace in Ireland the day after a fair especially if he resides near a small town The multitude of the KILT KILT does not mean KILLED but hurt and wounded who come before his honour with black eyes or bloody heads is astonishing but more astonishing is the number of those who though they are scarcely able by daily labour to procure daily food will nevertheless without the least reluctance waste six or seven hours of the day lounging in the yard or court of a justice of the peace waiting to make some complaint about—nothing It is impossible to convince them that TIME IS MONEY They do not set any value upon their own time and they think that others estimate theirs at less than nothing Hence they make no scruple of telling a justice of the peace a story of an hour long about a tester sixpence and if he grows impatient they attribute it to some secret prejudice which he entertains against them
Their method is to get a story completely by heart and to tell it as they call it OUT OF THE FACE that is from the beginning to the end without interruption
Well my good friend I have seen you lounging about these three hours in the yard what is your business
Please your honour it is what I want to speak one word to your honour
Speak then but be quick What is the matter
The matter please your honour is nothing atallatall only just about the grazing of a horse please your honour that this man here sold me at the fair of Gurtishannon last Shrove fair which lay down three times with myself please your honour and KILT me not to be telling your honour of how no later back than yesterday night he lay down in the house there within and all the childer standing round and it was Gods mercy he did not fall atop of them or into the fire to burn himself So please your honour today I took him back to this man which owned him and after a great deal to do I got the mare again I SWOPPED EXCHANGED him for but he wont pay the grazing of the horse for the time I had him though he promised to pay the grazing in case the horse didnt answer and he never did a days work good or bad please your honour all the time he was with me and I had the doctor to him five times anyhow And so please your honour it is what I expect your honour will stand my friend for Id sooner come to your honour for justice than to any other in all Ireland And so I brought him here before your honour and expect your honour will make him pay me the grazing or tell me can I process him for it at the next assizes please your honour
The defendant now turning a quid of tobacco with his tongue into some secret cavern in his mouth begins his defence with—
Please your honour under favour and saving your honours presence theres not a word of truth in all this man has been saying from beginning to end upon my conscience and I wouldnt for the value of the horse itself grazing and all be after telling your honour a lie For please your honour I have a dependence upon your honour that youll do me justice and not be listening to him or the like of him Please your honour its what he has brought me before your honour because he had a spite against me about some oats I sold your honour which he was jealous of and a shawl his wife got at my shisters shop there without and never paid for so I offered to set the shawl against the grazing and give him a receipt in full of all demands but he wouldnt out of spite please your honour so he brought me before your honour expecting your honour was mad with me for cutting down the tree in the horse park which was none of my doing please your honour—illluck to them that went and belied me to your honour behind my back So if your honour is pleasing Ill tell you the whole truth about the horse that he swopped against my mare out of the face Last Shrove fair I met this man Jemmy Duffy please your honour just at the corner of the road where the bridge is broken down that your honour is to have the presentment for this year—long life to you for it And he was at that time coming from the fair of Gurtishannon and I the same way How are you Jemmy says I Very well I thank ye kindly Bryan says he shall we turn back to Paddy Salmons and take a naggin of whisky to our better acquaintance I dont care if I did Jemmy says I only it is what I cant take the whisky because Im under an oath against it for a month Ever since please your honour the day your honour met me on the road and observed to me I could hardly stand I had taken so much though upon my conscience your honour wronged me greatly that same time—illluck to them that belied me behind my back to your honour Well please your honour as I was telling you as he was taking the whisky and we talking of one thing or tother he makes me an offer to swop his mare that he couldnt sell at the fair of Gurtishannon because nobody would be troubled with the beast please your honour against my horse and to oblige him I took the mare—sorrow take her and him along with her She kicked me a new car that was worth three pounds ten to tatters the first time I ever put her into it and I expect your honour will make him pay me the price of the car anyhow before I pay the grazing which Ive no right to pay atallatall only to oblige him But I leave it all to your honour and the whole grazing he ought to be charging for the beast is but two and eightpence halfpenny anyhow please your honour So Ill abide by what your honour says good or bad Ill leave it all to your honour
Ill leave IT all to your honour—literally means Ill leave all the trouble to your honour
The Editor knew a justice of the peace in Ireland who had such a dread of HAVING IT ALL LEFT TO HIS HONOUR that he frequently gave the complainants the sum about which they were disputing to make peace between them and to get rid of the trouble of hearing their stories OUT OF THE FACE But he was soon cured of this method of buying off disputes by the increasing multitude of those who out of pure regard to his honour came to get justice from him because they would sooner come before him than before any man in all Ireland
GLOSSARY 25 A RAKING POT OF TEA
—We should observe this custom has long since been banished from the higher orders of Irish gentry The mysteries of a raking pot of tea like those of the Bona Dea are supposed to be sacred to females but now and then it has happened that some of the male species who were either more audacious or more highly favoured than the rest of their sex have been admitted by stealth to these orgies The time when the festive ceremony begins varies according to circumstances but it is never earlier than twelve oclock at night the joys of a raking pot of tea depending on its being made in secret and at an unseasonable hour After a ball when the more discreet part of the company has departed to rest a few chosen female spirits who have footed it till they can foot it no longer and till the sleepy notes expire under the slurring hand of the musician retire to a bedchamber call the favourite maid who alone is admitted bid her PUT DOWN THE KETTLE lock the door and amidst as much giggling and scrambling as possible they get round a teatable on which all manner of things are huddled together Then begin mutual railleries and mutual confidences amongst the young ladies and the faint scream and the loud laugh is heard and the romping for letters and pocketbooks begins and gentlemen are called by their surnames or by the general name of fellows pleasant fellows charming fellows odious fellows abominable fellows and then all prudish decorums are forgotten and then we might be convinced how much the satirical poet was mistaken when he said—
There is no woman where theres no reserve
The merit of the original idea of a raking pot of tea evidently belongs to the washerwoman and the laundrymaid But why should not we have LOW LIFE ABOVE STAIRS as well as HIGH LIFE BELOW STAIRS
GLOSSARY 26 WE GAINED THE DAY BY THIS PIECE OF HONESTY
—In a dispute which occurred some years ago in Ireland between Mr E and Mr M about the boundaries of a farm an old tenant of Mr Ms cut a SOD from Mr Ms land and inserted it in a spot prepared for its reception in Mr Es land so nicely was it inserted that no eye could detect the junction of the grass The old man who was to give his evidence as to the property stood upon the inserted sod when the VIEWERS came and swore that the ground he THEN STOOD UPON belonged to his landlord Mr M
The Editor had flattered himself that the ingenious contrivance which Thady records and the similar subterfuge of this old Irishman in the dispute concerning boundaries were instances of CUTENESS unparalleled in all but Irish story an English friend however has just mortified the Editors national vanity by an account of the following custom which prevails in part of Shropshire It is discreditable for women to appear abroad after the birth of their children till they have been CHURCHED To avoid this reproach and at the same time to enjoy the pleasure of gadding whenever a woman goes abroad before she has been to church she takes a tile from the roof of her house and puts it upon her head wearing this panoply all the time she pays her visits her conscience is perfectly at ease for she can afterwards safely declare to the clergyman that she has never been from under her own roof till she came to be churched
GLOSSARY 27 CARTON AND HALFCARTON
—Thady means cartron and halfcartron According to the old record in the black book of Dublin a CANTRED is said to contain 30 VILLATAS TERRAS which are also called QUARTERS of land quarterons CARTRONS every one of which quarters must contain so much ground as will pasture 400 cows and 17 ploughlands A knights fee was composed of 8 hydes which amount to 160 acres and that is generally deemed about a PLOUGH LAND
The Editor was favoured by a learned friend with the above extract from a MS of Lord Totnesss in the Lambeth library
GLOSSARY 28 WAKE
—A wake in England means a festival held upon the anniversary of the saint of the parish At these wakes rustic games rustic conviviality and rustic courtship are pursued with all the ardour and all the appetite which accompany such pleasures as occur but seldom In Ireland a wake is a midnight meeting held professedly for the indulgence of holy sorrow but usually it is converted into orgies of unholy joy When an Irish man or woman of the lower order dies the straw which composed the bed whether it has been contained in a bag to form a mattress or simply spread upon the earthen floor is immediately taken out of the house and burned before the cabin door the family at the same time setting up the death howl The ears and eyes of the neighbours being thus alarmed they flock to the house of the deceased and by their vociferous sympathy excite and at the same time soothe the sorrows of the family
It is curious to observe how good and bad are mingled in human institutions In countries which were thinly inhabited this custom prevented private attempts against the lives of individuals and formed a kind of coroners inquest upon the body which had recently expired and burning the straw upon which the sick man lay became a simple preservative against infection At night the dead body is waked that is to say all the friends and neighbours of the deceased collect in a barn or stable where the corpse is laid upon some boards or an unhinged door supported upon stools the face exposed the rest of the body covered with a white sheet Round the body are stuck in brass candlesticks which have been borrowed perhaps at five miles distance as many candles as the poor person can beg or borrow observing always to have an odd number Pipes and tobacco are first distributed and then according to the ABILITY of the deceased cakes and ale and sometimes whisky are DEALT to the company—
Deal on deal on my merry men all
Deal on your cakes and your wine
For whatever is dealt at her funeral today
Shall be dealt tomorrow at mine
After a fit of universal sorrow and the comfort of a universal dram the scandal of the neighbourhood as in higher circles occupies the company The young lads and lasses romp with one another, and when the fathers and mothers are at last overcome with sleep and whisky VINO ET SOMNO the youth become more enterprising and are frequently successful It is said that more matches are made at wakes than at weddings
GLOSSARY 29 KILT
—This word frequently occurs in the preceding pages where it means not KILLED but much HURT In Ireland not only cowards but the brave die many times before their death—There KILLING IS NO MURDER