TLETTER I Mr ALWYN to Mr HILKIRK
Dear HILKIRK
I HAVE received a letter from our old schoolfellow Pendril who saw you as he passed through Carlisle I need not tell you it gave me great pleasure to hear that you still exist in health and spirits after the chasm which your absence has occasioned in
our friendship and though your situation as a travelling comedian is such as some of your old acquaintance would not be over ready to recognize you under yet were I weak enough to be thus influenced the affectation in me would not only be mean but ridiculous My hereditary hopes do not surpass yours and could certain considerations be removed I dont know but it might be more agreeable to my sentiments call it pride if you please to live by my own labour than by that of the dead— I am not unacquainted with the natural hilarity and chearfulness of your temper and I am of opinion that no matter what the rank in life while the mind is chearful the man is happy—Cincinnatus at the plough it is most probable was happier than Cincinnatus in the senate—I know you begin to suspect this grave lecture few I believe preach about
happiness till they themselves either are or have been unhappy—I own to you I am altered The smiles and pleasures are fled a gloom overhangs my youth and has shut out the sun my health declines and my worthy Patron—Patron—Friend —Father—all these cannot express the sense I have of his goodness wishes me to reside in the country for some time— I wish it myself—I cannot be easy where I am—my disorder will increase—Not that I am anxious about life—it is a comfort that sooner or later all our cares shall end and no sentiment ever came with greater force to me than that which Macbeth where the poet represents him torn and distracted with a thousand fears thus utters
Better be with the dead
Than on the torture of the mind to lie
In restless extasy—Duncan is in his grave—
After lifes fitful fever he sleeps well
Treason has done his worst Nor steel nor poison
Malice domestic foreign levy—Nothing
Can touch him further
These reflections are the cordials of my life Enough of this
You will be surprized perhaps when I tell you that I have an inclination to become an actor Hear my reasons I must either find a means of subsistence or live upon the bounty of others The first is agreeable to me the latter I can never consent to though Mr Stamford would supply me with the greatest chearfulness As it is necessary I should live some time in the country I can think of no scheme so eligible as this and shall be glad if you will enquire of your brother comedians whether they are willing to admit me of the society
I DO not mean to inform my master of my intention none but such as I
approve need know of my situation which I confess I shall be almost ashamed of I should however be more ashamed to be idle and the country affords no other source of employment to me Our mutual and early friendship is another inducement
SHOULD you perceive any thing improper either in the application to your brother comedians or from any other circumstance let not this be any restraint but act agreeably to reason and your own feelings which will be both approved and applauded by one who is perfectly conscious of the delicacy and propriety of them and who is proud to have the honour of subscribing himself
Your sincere and affectionate Friend H H ALWYN
LETTER II Mr HILKIRK to Mr ALWYN
DEAR HARRY
I Received your letter and I believe I need not take much pains to describe to you the pleasure I enjoy from this instance of the continuance of your attachment The bitter has so far predominated over the sweet during my peregrination in this vile world that I begin already to have a large proportion of cynical essence in my composition though not enough to overpower the pleasure I receive in Alwyns friendship You will readily believe this when you recollect the avidity with which I always sought your company and the delight I took in it
I AM sorry to observe the air of melancholy so prevalent in your epistle—it is not natural to you The lines of despair are marked strongly in your mind —it is beneath you—you that have tasted friendship from all smiles from all love from all Tis enough for wretches like me outcasts from society to indulge the gloom but I am above it Is the weather cloudy I tune my pipe no matter where the cottage or the palace tis hard if I dont find somebody to dance—Does the sun shine let me enjoy the smiles of the season while I can My music is flown to the fields I follow it it warbles from the thorn it tinkles in the tears of the wandering brook it mourns in the plaintive song of the widowed linnet—Let it—tis music still and music only will I bear Does the sleet of contempt batter my face or the biting frost of disappointment
assault my feelings—I am prepared better than Moor of Moorhall for the dragon—I have armour of iambics a shield of raillery and a sword of satire more powerful than the sword of my old associate harlequin I send a herald in the form of a goosequill
to hurl defiance in their teeth
Tragic comic and farcical scenes are exhibited continually on the worlds great theatre their frequency has made them familiar and I resolve henceforth to be rather a spectator than an actor I have played the fool in the farce too often
I AM sorry that I shall not have the pleasure of seeing you having agreed to take upon me the management of a company that travels in the west and being to set off the day after tomorrow to Taunton in Somersetshire whither my
baggage is already gone I have spoken to our manager respecting your coming hither and from the description I have given of your person and abilities he is anxious to see you and declares you are the very man he wants The company go from hence to Kendal the next week and he is desirous of meeting you there to open the house Had I known your intention before I made this new engagement I should have been happy in an opportunity of renewing our friendship personally as it is I must content myself with the pleasure of a frequent correspondence which I hope you will have no objection to
TIS long since I have had the pleasure of your conversation accident has continued to deprive me of it To encourage you to a correspondence to
which I have invited you I will relate the history of my adventures from a supposition that they will not prove entirely uninteresting
JILTED by a girl abandoned by my friend my unprovided bark pushed from the strand by a violent passion for an unworthy object whom yet I can scarce forbear to love into dangerous and unknown seas no wary pilot to direct my course I ignorantly ran on lee shores allured by promising appearances and to stretch my metaphor presently became a wreck among savages in a strange land—
By the waters of Babylon I sat down and wept
IT is now near four years since I left London and my companions at which period I was scarce twenty and you not above eighteen so that though we used
to amuse ourselves in our conversation long before upon rational subjects yet having little care about the future fortune of our lives we did not enquire much into each others views It is not the character of that age to be very solicitous about tomorrow I shall therefore relate such incidents as are necessary to form the connection of my little history lest it should else be unintelligible
THERE are several circumstances in my life which were they methodised properly spun out and interlarded with an episode or two between Mr Somebody and Miss Anybody would furnish the circulating libraries with two handsome pocket volumes The first that I shall mention and not the least extraordinary is that I am utterly ignorant of my parents or even whether I ever had a father or no Excuse this
stale attempt at a joke and suffer me to trifle with my miseries I remember little of my infantine state except being bred among fields farmhouses and country peasants I was removed from these at an early age to a cheap school in Yorkshire where I continued till my fourteenth year at which period the master informed me he could keep me no longer for that the person who had placed me with him was dead and my board and education already ten months in arrear but that a London gentleman had enquired if he had any boy of good intellects among his scholars who wanted a provision that he the schoolmaster had recommended me and upon his recommendation the gentleman had agreed to take me provided I consented to go which he advised me by all means to do The idea of being freed from the fear of birch of which our good
governor upon every trivial misdemeanor was as liberal as he was penurious in the articles of food and cloathing together with the hope of seeing a city that I had heard so wonderfully described operated sufficiently on my fancy to make me receive this propoposal with joy I had not however lived so many years with my playmates without having formed a few friendships among them but these though they cost me some tears at parting were presently forgot in the overflowings of a rapid imagination
I ARRIVED with Mr Seldon my new patron and master in London the latter end of October You are not ignorant of the character of this worthy man He took me to his house in Chancerylane where I underwent a long examination respecting my education
This was a source of flattery to me I was universally allowed the best scholar in the seminary from whence I had been taken and for three years past had been little obliged to my instructors Exclusive of the classics I had made a tolerable stride into mathematics and had often surprised old Declension himself with philosophical experiments which I had learnt from two or three books that till I condescended to look at them had been neglected and thrown about the school among other lumber I was the more powerfully induced to these exercises by the wonder they excited and the fame I acquired Mr Seldon expressed much satisfaction at my progress and after paying me some compliments told me he would now recommend other subjects to my notice The study of jurisprudence the knowledge of the natural and
civil rights of mankind and in what manner they are preserved or injured by the laws existing in this country he said would make me valuable to society and recommended me to the care of Mr Turnbull a man whom I am sure you must have observed during your intimacy at our house
MR SELDON was upwards of fifty had no wife nor family except Julia Gowland an orphan niece of about twelve years old whom he had taken from a boardingschool where he had placed her being not only dissatisfied with the oeconomy of the house but likewise desirous of her company and taking himself in a great measure the care of inuring her to proper habits His turn of thinking respecting education and habit was singular yet in my opinion just Boys he said should
be steeped in adversity casehardened in misery during their youth it gives them fortitude to support every change of fortune it makes them sensible of the simplicity with which man ought to live and shews them the folly and real inutility of numberless things which by some are deemed absolutely necessary to existence It is the best school of morality to a strong mind Girls should be made sensible how much mildness and resignation contribute to their happiness should be taught to support contradiction with chearfulness and smiles This is the duty as much of man as woman but it is the great source of pleasure to the latter Husbands are enchanted by mildness and acquiescence from their wives they feel their own superiority in point of strength they fancy it in point of understanding their free commerce with the world which is
denied to the other sex together with the advantages of education tend to confirm this opinion Youths should endure hardships but not be suffered to sink under them Females should be taught the virtue and necessity of a still tongue and a smiling countenance Such were the sentiments of a man who proved his wisdom by the consistency of his conduct and the order of his affairs
THERE is in the boy and girl age a susceptibility of attachment which we afterwards lose though with some regret I had not been long in Mr Seldons family before Julia and I began reciprocally to feel a tender inclination it did not immediately appear though it insensibly increased We delighted as lovers do in mutual offices of kindness we began to sigh to languish as our years increased and before I was
eighteen I was deeply in love Mr Seldon did not at first seem suspicious of the consequence but was pleased with the simplicity of our affection Young as I was I had sagacity enough to make this observation and interpreted it to my own advantage I am become a favourite said I my master loves me and intends to give me his niece The sequel will shew how wretchedly I deceived myself
EXCLUSIVE of my passion for Julia I was not exempted from other youthful foibles I loved dress but what was worse I had addicted myself to a habit of frequenting a billiardtable My delight in the game soon taught me to play tolerably and the warmth of my temper not only engaged me to sport far beyond discretion but made me an easy prey to much inferior gamesters with
cooler heads to which add my fondness for theatrical diversions and my constant attendance at a spoutingclub and you will easily perceive the seeds of misfortune which have since sprung up so thick and the improbability of my continuing to enjoy the favour and protection of Mr Seldon
MR TURNBULL the upper clerk whom I mentioned from my first entrance into the family appeared to have a particular partiality for me and had taken almost as much pains in giving me proper advice as Mr Seldon himself without seeming to regard my little deviations from virtue with so severe an eye but this mans conduct has been to me inexplicable When any extravagancy had plunged me into a difficulty that affected my temper and made it visible Turnbull would never let me
rest till I had acquainted him with the cause of my trouble nor ever failed to assist me but then I had great reason from several hints more particularly from my masters behaviour to believe that he sometimes acquainted Mr Seldon with it
I SHALL forbear to enumerate incidents and only select a few that are necessary to explain why I so abruptly left Mr Seldon
I HAVE said that I frequented a spoutingclub This society was held at a reputable public house up one pair of stairs After I had in compliance with the usual forms paid for my ticket and passed the bar I saw one of my companions below that prevented me from immediately going up While he held me in conversation I heard a voice familiar
enough to me enquire if Mr Hilkirk was there the landlady answered in the affirmative and turning to look who the enquirer was I saw the back of Mr Turnbull passing quick out of the door I was rather alarmed I dreaded lest Mr Seldon should come to the knowledge of my tricks and I suspected Turnbull This fear however presently evaporated and I joined the roarers above whose tragic starts sounding thro the ceiling operated strongly on my imagination It came to my turn to exhibit and I chose that scene in Macbeth where the bloody dagger appears in the air I was drest in a habit made in imitation of Garricks with shaloon and tinsel
Banquo and Fleance had made their exit and I was proceeding with infinite applause through the soliloquy Just as I came to that place where the hero says
to the supposed dagger I see thee still my astonished eye caught the terrible form of Mr Seldon the effect this had upon me was evident from the audience my knees knocked my eyes were wild and rivetted my voice faultered— I repeated
I see thee still
And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood
Which was not so before
The picture of terror was so perfect that the room echoed with plaudits but the scene was quickly changed—I endeavoured to proceed—Theres no such thing said I staring at Mr Seldon
It is the bloody business which informs thus to mine eyes
—
You are mistaken young man
answered he with the gravest face imaginable it is no vision This immediately turned the eyes of the whole assembly upon my master in a moment their serious praise was converted into the
loudest laughs while Mr Seldon with the same gravity commanded me to pull off that merry Andrews jacket and quit enacting of the monarch in order to retire to my truckle bed under the desk— At this speech the rafters once more trembled with the roar of laughter which from the complexion of the gentry there gathered together would doubtless have been augmented with catcalls shouts and hisses had not the deportment of Mr Seldon which in spite of impudence commanded respect in some degree overawed their mirth
MY situation was truly pitiable I uncased and my master with a slow voice and bow accompanied by the most serious look of ridicule and satire wished all the good company a very good night while I skulked after him more abashed than Thersites by the stern eye of Ulysses
The next morning Mr Seldon spoke to me to the following effect—
By my behaviour to you last night young man you may be convinced I have some regard for you I engaged in a very aukward affair inconsistent to my character and disagreeable to my inclination purposely to expose your absurdity in so strong a light that you could not help feeling it These societies among which I understand you are become a leading man have an idle ridiculous and vicious tendency therefore if you desire to gain my esteem let me hear no more of your kingly antics
AT the moment this counsel was given I thought I would observe it more religiously than if it had been a mandate delivered by an angel I have only in excuse the plea of the converted infidel
the flesh was willing but the spirit was weak
MY love for Julia accelerated the catastrophe and a match at billiards compleated it I must speak of them in order
IT would be tedious at least to any but lovers to relate the progress of love Let it be sufficient to say that our passion was arrived to that stage which produced mutual declarations and vows of everlasting fidelity Convinced as I thought of her disinterestedness and sincerity enchanted by her beauty and the softness and sweetness of her manners my affection became violent After the above explanation my pursuit of other pleasures was for some time entirely abated her society was perfect happiness her company and conversation I
believed to be absolutely necessary to my existence but alas I have proved the possibility of existing without them Repeated asseverations of constancy continual opportunities of indulging in all the languor of delicate and excessive love which we did as far as we could with innocence and without discovering our passion I had no dread of meeting opposition from any but Mr Seldon
WE had been so cautious for some months after the avowal of our affection that I had no reason to believe we were suspected whether I was deceived in this or whether we became less guarded I know not but by accident I overheard Mr Seldon saying something to Mr Turnbull to the following effect—
Ill suffer it no longer I am resolved he
shall quit this family His temper irregular his passions untamed he is no way calculated to make either her or himself happy he would be fond for a week captious and overbearing within a month and become completely miserable in a very short time to suffer him to marry with his present inexperience rashness and want of proper habits were more unmerciful than to cast him into the sea
— I hardly knew whether to apply the above discourse to myself or not it described Mr Seldons friendship for me in so lively a manner that I had some reason to hope it true on the one hand while on the other it cut me off from every prospect of felicity
BUT what shall I say to the conduct of Julia who of a sudden and without assigning any reason became distant and
ceremonious even to disdain as I imagined Instead of contrivances to throw herself in my way which I had before observed with pleasure she took every method to avoid me If by chance I caught her alone she would break from me and threaten to inform Mr Seldon if I persisted in detaining her This might be prudent but I am certain it was perfidious It agreed but ill with her former protestations
WHY should I torture myself to relate more of this tale than is necessary It upbraids me it reminds me of my weakness My present feelings convince me I have not yet forgotten the traitress I must quit the subject for this time I have raised a train of images that do not contribute to my tranquillity Adieu
W HILKIRK
LETTER III Mr ALWYN to Mr STAMFORD Junior
Dear SIR
IN obedience to your commands I take the advantage of the first postday to inform you of my safe arrival at Kendal To a mind perfectly at ease the contrast between Westmoreland and London must be very forcible Notwithstanding the little leisure I who am under the influence of an unconquerable passion can find I yet cannot entirely forbear to observe the sudden change of scene It seems scarce an hour since the noise of London with her ten thousand carriages rattled in my ears I listen and find myself conveyed to the region of silence The face of the country likewise is as different as the most romantic imagination can suppose No beautiful green hedges intersecting the
plain no regular rows of stately elms or spreading oaks meet the eye but uncouth stonewalls vast wilds and prodigious mountains Nature appears bleak and unadorned but grand and capacious Here and there a straggling peasant is seen with wooden shoes and lank hair unconscious of what we call grace and elegance and cloathed only to defend him from the assaults of the season Here ever object is bleached as it were by time and simplicity in London a satirist would add every thing is sullied by smoak hypocrisy and detraction Not that I should admire either the wit or sentiment of the expression
MEN are naturally much the same and considering the vast number of them who inhabit that great city I am often astonished at the order and tranquillity which are generally preserved If the
people here are honester or happier it is because they have not so many temptations The glittering of equipage the blaze of tapers the inchantments of music routs balls operas gaudy colours lewd women decorated in all the emblazonments of art folly and fashion such allurements tempt not inflame not the imagination of the inhabitants of the wilds in Westmoreland A small assembly among the gentry and opulent tradesmen and the players for about six or eight weeks constitute their highest ideas of public luxury Neither are those wanting who inveigh with great warmth and acrimony against these amusements especially the latter This is not wonderful when we recollect that great part of the inhabitants of Kendal are Quakers They have an excellent faculty of staring at a stranger and I was questioned today by some of
the old dons who are the only people here that think themselves privileged to ask impertinent questions how such a good looking young man as I as they were pleased to call me could think of becoming a player
MY landlord tells me he doubts I am a wild young dog His wife says she is afraid my poor mother has many an aching heart upon my account for she is sure I am some good bodys son who has had a world of trouble to bring me up I told her that my mother is living and she became very importunate for me to return home and save her from breaking her heart This conversation happened last night and I assure you I went to bed quite lowspirited with her good oldfashioned exhortations Indeed I am so well convinced of my dear mothers tenderness that I
am afraid her conjectures are too true I begin almost to repent of my journey I know no right I have to mingle wormwood in the bitter cup of old age However I wrote into Oxfordshire by this post and hope my fears are without foundation
THERE are other reasons why I am not the most happy mortal in the world Forgive me dear Charles You know my heart I can conceal nothing from your friendship I should be unworthy of it if I could Your sisters image lives in my bosom Oh Maria—No change of time of place or object can obliterate the memory of thy charms on the barren mountain in the fruitful valley musing on the gliding stream or supine beneath the venerable oak still shall thy welcome recollection call forth the painful pleasing sigh of melancholy
and cause to steal unbid the tear of sorrow down my cheek
PITY but do not blame me I know I have no pretensions to so amiable so beautiful an object; but who could live in the same house and behold her angelic form hear her enchanting voice observe her benevolent her soulwinning actions and forbear to adore her I am conscious of my own unworthiness I know how much my kind patron has the happiness of his cherubim as he justly calls her at his heart I have heard of his intentions it has been said there is one whom he wishes her to love I am not to learn how dearly you my friend tender your father and sisters tranquillity and it were the utmost baseness in me to attempt to render those miserable were it in my power whom I have every
reason to love and revere above all the world
NO person but you knows my real motive for retiring from my friends My passion was insupportable and the peace of your family was concerned It was painful to fly but gratitude friendship and love demanded it My present employment is unknown and I would have it so My health began to decline and that was a fair pretence for going into the country My predilection to the drama made this scheme present itself as the most probable one of diverting my ideas from the channel in which they so constantly flow but I am fearful this and every thing else on this side the grave will be ineffectual
I KNOW you will excuse these effusions
from a despairing lover and rest assured whatever may be my fate I will never give you cause to accuse me of insincerity
I am dear Sir with the utmost respect the most affectionate of those who have the honour to call themselves your friends
H H ALWYN
LETTER IV Mr HILKIRK to Mr ALWYN
Dear ALWYN
I AM arrived at Taunton and expect this will reach you at Kendal I shall continue the relation of my adventures without any apology I mean to draw an abstract of my misfortunes that after having compared them with your own you may try whether it is not possible to strike a balance in my favour The world will say I have deserved my fate I grant it
GOADED by despair stung and distracted by the continual recollection of Julias perfidy I became regardless of future consequences Neglecting you and every rational friend who I imagined had come to a knowledge of circumstances that hurt my vanity I
sought to drown my sorrows in dissipation Drinking was my aversion and the gamingtable became my resource My ideas of justice and honour tho too firmly rooted to be easily eradicated could not entirely preserve me from the contagion that reigns in these horrid receptacles of vice and infamy—I found myself insensibly drawn into a familiarity with acknowledged rascals Launched into a sea of guilt I was borne away by the tide and though I beheld my danger had not strength to regain the shore of virtue
IT had been a custom with Mr Seldon from the time that I was sixteen to allow me a regular stipend with which I defrayed my own expences of cloaths and other necessaries the sum was liberal considering my situation and had received an annual increase He had just
paid me a quarters allowance out of which my extravagance had brought me under an obligation to discharge a number of debts besides leaving several others unpaid Conscious of my weakness as soon as I received the money I put ten guineas in my pocket with a resolution to disperse them immediately among my creditors without giving myself time to hear a billiardball or lay a bett As I was proceeding upon this virtuous errand my evil genius threw a noted gambler in my way known by the name of Long Jack with whom I was acquainted He enquired where I was going I to prove the strength of my virtue very candidly told him that I was running with my ten guineas to pay my debts and as he was well apprized of my passion for play asked him if he did not think me wise for so doing to which he replied in the affirmative
in so positive a manner that his approbation appeared perfectly sincere asking withal how long it would be before he saw me at Jacksons meaning the gaminghouse to which I usually resorted I told him I should hardly be there that evening for that my present business would find me employment Zounds said he thats unlucky I have made a match for you with Oneeyed Harry the odd game in eleven for five pounds to meet at eight I have been to Connors and two or three tables to look for you if you dont play I forfeit a guinea to the blinking rascal Why it is half past seven now answered I Aye said he I know it I lost nine pounds this morning with him however it is no matter b—st his odd eye Ill have it out of him one way or another
I HAD seen too many of the tricks of
these worthies not to have my doubts concerning the reality of this pretended match and putting on one of my penetrating looks I asked him if he was not deceiving me but he confirmed the truth of his tale with such violent imprecations cursing both soul and body so liberally and consigning them over to the devil so entirely if his guinea was not lost unless I played that abandoned as I believed him and all of them to be I did not think it possible for any wretch to have so totally quitted all sense of shame as to swear so horridly to a falshood He observed likewise how much the match was in my favour which as he stated it was actually the case and that though I might have a good opportunity of winning money upon my own play yet as it was entirely optional I might sport or let it alone
You will think me very weak and irresolute when I inform you that I could not resist the impatient longing this fellow inspired me with but what will you say when I tell you that I had no sooner began to play than contemning every recollection of future consequence and shame my money flew about the room and I greedily snapt at every bait that was thrown out to me Those who have never fallen a sacrifice to this infernal disease cannot have an adequate idea of its malignancy of the pleasure that it promises or the torture it inflicts and those only who are acquainted with its tyranny know how to pity their fellowslaves
I PLAYED with various fortune till ten oclock when I found myself pennyless Stung with my egregious folly driven to madness at the remembrance of those
to whom I was indebted I could not be contented but would play on upon credit This unfortunately for me they willingly indulged me in as I had ever paid debts of this kind with the utmost punctuality Thus with my hand shaking my mind distracted my eyes dazzled and blinded by the disorder of my brain did I engage to play at a game that requires a cool head a keen eye and a steady hand against men who knew how to take every advantage and for sums which I was conscious of my inability to discharge
WHILE I was in the heat of play and as if inspired by the daemons of the place abjuring every title to heaven and mercy imprecating curses on my soul and misery on my body Mr Turnbull came in I was now arrived to that height of despair which puts us beyond
a certain degree of fear and the sight of him which at another time in such a place would have struck a damp over me was disregarded Some one who knew me and had seen the manner of my proceeding had kindly gone and informed Mr Turnbull of it He perceived my situation and desired me to put on my coat and come home to which I answered in a resolute tone that I would not while the rascals that surrounded me said with a deal of seeming pity that they had advised the young gentleman to play no more for they saw he could not win and that they thought he had better be persuaded and leave off This impudent lie heightened my madness to that degree that I uttered a volley of curses which astonished Mr Turnbull and he immediately left the room in which whispers malicious grins of triumph lolling
of tongues and winking of eyes were exhibited with peculiar archness I continued playing swearing and losing for a few minutes till I was interrupted by the return of Mr Turnbull accompanied by Mr Seldon Nothing could have added to the horrors I felt but this The mace dropt from my hand the blood forsook my cheeks and with my mouth open and eyes staring I stood for a moment stupid when suddenly a fit of phrenzy seized me I snatched up the billiardballs that lay before me and with one in one hand and the other in the other struck myself violently on each side of the head and dropt motionless on the floor
IN this manner did the scene shut on me for that night With my senses I lost the remembrance of my disgrace till the following morning when I awoke
though to less wild yet not less poignant griefs and it was the greatest care only that could and did preserve me from a fever
THE folly I had committed the disgrace I had incurred the impossibility of ever looking again on Mr Seldon with confidence added to the afflictions I endured from my unhappy love made me resolve to quit a family where it was impossible I should enjoy a moments peace Had not my own desire prompted me to this course I should still have been obliged to have taken it Mr Seldon had avoided seeing or speaking to me since the sin of the billiards it was with him a mortal one and not to be forgiven Accordingly when I was out of danger from the little illness I had suffered he sent Mr Turnbull to me who spoke to the following purport
—Mr Seldon desires me to acquaint you that it is necessary you should quit his house it is a duty that he owes both to his peace and reputation to harbour no one who disturbs the one or sullies the other he has sent you twenty guineas with which he advises you to seek your fortune in some place where your character is not known being certain he says that no man in his senses will harbour a gambler to the endangering perhaps of not only his property but his life he likewise adds that you must expect no future favour from him of any kind whatever
WHEN Turnbull had finished he laid the guineas which I did not offer to receive upon a table and with tears in his eyes quitted the room I was some time before I could recover myself enough to move from the place where
I stood for though I had every reason to expect something of this kind yet it did not destroy the effect At last I recollected myself a little and taking pen and ink wrote a long letter directed to Mr Seldon and put it by the side of the money he had sent me This epistle contained an acknowledgment of my guilt and an admiration of his lenity and goodness many thanks for the favours I had so often received and so ill deserved a refusal of his last bounty from the following motives▪ first from a conviction of my unworthiness secondly from a resolution that since my own indiscretion had plunged me into distress I alone would be the sufferer a punishment that I would not forego and lastly that I could not prevail upon myself to incur any more obligations because it was scarcely possible I should discharge them
—I then collected such of my cloaths as were paid for and with my bundle in my hand shame on my countenance and my heart ready to burst went or rather slunk out of a house in which I once thought myself universally beloved
WITHOUT money without a friend that shame or pride would suffer me to disclose my distress to or a habitation of any kind to hide my head in I found myself in the midst of London streets forsaken and forlorn an outcast and alien among mankind I had heard of people whose employment it was to kidnap and decoy others on board of ships that they might transport them to America Never did a wretched fearful criminal more earnestly wish for a reprieve than at this moment I longed to meet with one of those friendly kidnappers
My mind incoherent sunk with grief and despondency could think of no resource from absolute starving At last as I was wandering at the discretion of my feet my eye accidentally glanced upon a printed bill again the wall This was an invitation to all those spirited young fellows who chose to make their fortunes as common soldiers in the service of the EastIndia company I beheld it with more joy than the Jews did the grapes brought from the land of promise and was posting with all haste to enroll my name among that honourable corps when I was prevented by one Evans whom I had known at the spoutingclubs He seeing my bundle and my rueful face asked me where I was going to which I replied that had he asked me five minutes sooner I could not have informed him but that at present I was for the wars When I
had explained myself he appeared greatly surprized and told me he thought he could put me upon a better scheme than that and one more suitable to my inclination likewise He said one Macloughlin a famous London actor was going over to play in Dublin that he had been enquiring of him concerning a young fellow such as me and that if I chose he would introduce me to him observing that it would be time enough to carry the knapsack if the sock did not succeed This proposal was too agreeable to be heard with inattention Accordingly having thanked my quondam acquaintance and after accepting his offer related the deplorable state of my finances at which he did not seem at all shocked or surprized I at his entreaty accompanied him to his lodging which was at a piecebrokers in Whitehorseyard Drurylane up
three pair of stairs backwards with a pleasant prospect of gardens in twopenny pots smoked tiles and right ancient chimnies
HAVING come to a mutual explanation I found my friend Evans but little better stocked with money than myself the sum total being twopence halfpenny so that my watch and my small wardrobe considered I was much the richer man He told me we need not be in want of cash at present for that lord Norths office was always open to young gentlemen in distress who carried a watch or had a superfluous shirt or suit of cloaths Lord Norths office was a cant phrase for a neighbouring pawnbrokers of that name whither with my consent he conveyed such of my apparel as I had least need of to be brushed and laid by as his joke had it
and in return brought me the sum of one guinea which might be something less than a third of its worth and which I divided with him As for the watch it was a new one that I had lately had upon credit and which as I knew it was now out of my power to pay for I was determined to return This task I performed that very afternoon in utter contradiction to the advice of Evans who remarked with what elocution a gold tatler would plead its masters cause to the ears of the beforementioned lord and how carefully he always preserved such tokens of friendship even to the condescending sometimes to wear them in his own fob I wrote likewise for I had not effrontery enough to face them to all my creditors and of the small hopes there were of their being paid at present but with a promise that no opportunity should slip whenever I had it
in my power and this promise I have kept so faithfully that I am now out of the dread of duns
THE next day as was proposed I was introduced to Mr Macloughlin by whom I found Evans was employed as a kind of scout to pick up youngsters who had promising geniuses it being one of this actors passions to make actors of others though perhaps in some respects the worst qualified for it of any man in the world He was seated upon his couch which stood by the fire and on which when he found himself weary or sleepy he went to rest either by day or night as it happened and sometimes did not go to bed for a fortnight together according to the information of my conductor As we went in we were followed by his wife who brought him a bason of tea and some
toast with each of which he found fifty faults in the rudest manner While I staid he called to her several times upon very frivolous occasions at each of which she was dignified by the name and title of Bess His countenance was to me of all I had ever beheld the most forbidding and age which had deprived him of his teeth had not added to its softness After having desired me to sit down he eyed me pretty narrowly and then asked me What had put it into my head to turn actor The abruptness of the question disconcerted me and it was some time before I could answer which I did in rather a confused manner at last by saying I had taken it into my head to suppose it was genius but that it was very possible I might be mistaken Yes said he thats possible enough and by G—d Sir you are not the first that I have known so mistaken
I smiled at his satire and he grinned ghastly with his leathern lips a happy omen for I perceived I had not added to the beauty of his visage when I repeated his words While he was drinking his tea we discoursed upon indifferent subjects and as I did not happen to differ in opinion with him but on the contrary had opportunities of saying several things which corroborated his dogmas he was pleased to allow I had the appearance of an ingenious young man When his beverage was finished he desired me to speak a speech out of some play which having performed he remarked that he had never in his life heard a young spouter speak naturally and therefore he was not surprised that I did not however as I seemed tractable and docile if I would call on the morrow he would hear and answer me further
WHEN we had descended into the street Evans said he was sure it would do for that I had met with a very kind reception which indeed was the case it not being one of this persons foibles to oversweeten his behaviour or conversation with the mild honey of the graces As I look upon him to be a very extraordinary man I shall endeavour to give you the outlines of his picture and though upon the whole he behaved exceedingly ill to me I will be careful that the drawing shall not be out of nature.
THOUGH he was born in the last century according to his own confession yet the faculties of his mind did not seem in the least impaired He is said to have been bred in the interior parts of Ireland and in such utter ignorance that we are told from respectable
authority of his not being able to read at the age of forty the progress therefore which he has made in language and literature are astonishing testimonies of his genius and assiduity His body like his mind is cast in a mould as rough as it is durable His aspect and address confound and confuse his inferiors and the delight he takes in making others fear and admire him gives him an aversion to the company of those whose knowledge exceeds his own nor did I ever hear him acknowledge superiority in any man He has no respect to the timidity or pudency of youth or sex but will say the most discouraging as well as the rudest things and receives pleasure in proportion to the pain he communicates It is common with him to ask his pupils why they did not rather think of becoming bricklayers
labourers than actors He is impatient of contradiction to an extreme and when he finds fault if the culprit attempts to answer he stops him without hearing him with
Ha you have always a reason for being in the wrong
This impatience goes still further it often renders him abusive He can pronounce scoundrel b—h and rascal with ease and familiarity and without the least annoyance to his nervous system He pretends to the strictest degree of impartial justice and while his passions are unconcerned preserves it but these are so exceedingly irritable that the least contradiction is an insufferable insult and the want of capacity or immediate comprehension in his pupils is to him sufficient occasion to indulge his anger which is often exceedingly rancorous and has the direct tendency of inciting
despair instead of emulation especially if the scholars feelings are quick and sensible This is too severe a climate for the tender plant of genius ever to thrive in Though his judgment is sound and his instructions in general those of a master yet he may be and is sometimes wrong but if the learner should dare to think for himself or offer the least word in defence of a different opinion it is high treason against this stage monarch and he is more scurrilous and unmerciful than judge Jefferies In short if I may estimate the sensations of others by my own those despots who we are told shoot their attendants for their diversion are not glanced at with more awe nor much more honour than Mr Macloughlin by his pupils and domestics
AFTER having finished our visit we
adjourned to the Black Lion in RusselStreet whither many of the theatrical people resort Here I learnt that Mr Foote was going to take a company to Edinburgh after the close of his summer season Being anxious to secure myself an engagement and the manner of Mr Macloughlin having neither prejudiced me much in his favour nor given me any certain token of success I resolved to make application to this other gentleman Accordingly after some slight excuse to Evans I posted away into SuffolkStreet
I HAD the good fortune to find the wit at breakfast with a young fellow who he had employed partly on the stage and partly as an amanuensis After being shewn into the room and desired to sit down Well said he
young gentleman I guess your business by the
sheepishness of your manner you have got the theatrical cacoethes you have rubbed your shoulder against the scene hey is it not so
—I replied in the affirmative
Well and what great hero should you wish to personate Hamlet or Richard or Othello or who
I answered I distrusted my capability of performing any that he had mentioned Indeed said he
thats a wonderful sign of grace I have been teazed for these many years by all the spouters in London of which honourable fraternity I dare say you are a member for I can perceive no stage varnish none of the true strolling brass lacker on your face
—No indeed Sir—
I thought so Well Sir I never saw a spouter before that did not want to surprize the town in Pierre or Lothario or some character that requires every
requisite and address of a master in the art But come give us a touch of your quality a speech heres a youngster
pointing to his secretary
will roar Jaffier against Pierre the loudest take both
Accordingly he held the book and at it we fell the scene we chose was the first of the beforementioned gentlemen in Venice Preserved For a little while at the beginning I took the roaring hint he had thrown out and restrained my wrath but it appeared so insipid and the ideas of rant and excellence were so strongly connected in my mind that when Jaffier began to exalt his voice I could no longer contain my indignation but as Nic Bottom says we roared so that it would have done your heart good to have heard us Foote smiled and after enduring this vigorous attack upon
his tympanum as long as he was able interrupted us
FAR from discouraging me he told me that with respect to giving the meaning of the words I spoke much more correct than he expected but said he like other novices you seem to imagine all excellence lays in the lungs whereas such violent exertions should be used but very sparingly and upon extraordinary occasions for besides that these two gentlemen instead of straining their throats are supposed to be in common conversation if an actor makes no reserve of his powers how is he to rise consistent to the tone of the passion He then read the scene we had rehearsed and with so much propriety and ease as well as force that I was surprized having always supposed risibility the only emotion he could inspire
AFTER this he demanded if I could sing to which I answered in the affirmative and that I had likewise some knowledge of music for you know it is a science that I as well as you always took great delight in When he had heard me chant he praised my voice but told me that as I was entirely inexperienced with respect to the stage if I was engaged with him my salary at first would be very low He said it was impossible to judge with certainty of stage requisites till they had been proved and that if after having considered of it I judged it expedient to accept of one pound per week I might come to him again a day or two before the theatre in the Haymarket shut up but that if I could meet with a more flattering offer in the mean time he begged this might be no obstacle for that as I might suppose it would be of no consequence
to him and wished me a good morning
I CAME away from this great wit delighted with the easiness and frankness of his behaviour and elated with my success However as I had promised Macloughlin to call I did not think proper to fail Accordingly at this my second visit he gave me a part to read in a piece which he himself was the author of and which had met with much success When I had finished this task with which he appeared tolerably satisfied he paid my understanding a great compliment by reading some scenes of a new comedy which he was then writing Not that I can suppose he expected me to make any remarks that could assist him but from that kind of weakness to which the strongest minds are in some degree subject a desire of applause
and a hope that others will corroborate the vast opinion we at certain moments entertain of our own capacity This is in some degree laudable at least excusable and where genius is really concerned must become extravagant to merit our censure The scenes that I heard were characteristic and satirical and met with my sincere and hearty approbation which I suppose did not a little contribute to prejudice Macloughlin in my favour
I THOUGHT myself bound in honour not to act with duplicity I therefore told him of the offer I had had from Foote giving at the same time my reason for such conduct namely the necessity I was under of getting into some employment or starving He allowed the cogency of it but said he thought I might do better in Ireland He asked if I had any objection
to become a prompter adding that it was profitable and an office from the good hand I wrote and other circumstances for which I might easily be qualified I answered he was the best judge of that and that I had no other dislike to it except that it would be more agreeable to my inclination to be an actor This he replied might be indulged and render me so much the more useful Little parts would be frequently wanting the going on for these would accustom me to face the audience and tread the stage which would prepare me for better I then demanded what salary I should have annexed to this business to which he answered that as I had my trade to learn I could not expect so much as a better workman but that since there was a deal of trouble in it I could not have less than thirty shillings especially as
I undertook to do small parts occasionally He informed me that he was not manager himself he only went as a performer but that Mr M—n one of the managers was in town with whom he would speak concerning me and in two or three days I might have a positive answer In the mean time he desired I would call on a morning and he would give me instructions in the part I had read to him for that he had some thoughts of letting me play it I was sensible of his favours and after making him every acknowledgment departed much better pleased than at my first visit
ADIEU—My next will finish this long enumeration of trifles
W HILKIRK
LETTER V Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
I WAS happy in receiving your favour which though not to be called a short one I found deficient in many particulars—perhaps the impatience of my regard for you made me think so This is finding fault youll say and in truth I find myself a little disposed to blame you for giving no account of the heroes and demigods into whose society you are I presume by this time admitted Your offer of correspondence I accept with much pleasure but give you warning that I shall expect a very minute account of all your transactions which cannot fail of being important and on the other hand as I
am not so situated as to expect a series of adventures you must allow me to finish sans ceremonie when I have nothing to communicate I should be very much inclined to laugh at your plan of operations if the circumstances that engage my notice were of less consequence to your happiness We have all been very dull since your departure My father is frequently observing that he misses his favourite Harry and never mentions your name without some epithet expressive of his love or good opinion Maria poor girl feels I fear too powerfully the effects of love You often said when I remarked the tenderness of my sisters behaviour to you that it proceeded only from the sweetness of her temper and the benevolence of her disposition and not from my real partiality in your favour That modesty which makes you blind to your
own merit occasioned your saying so but I always thought otherwise and your absence confirms me in that opinion Her chearfulness is fled she often complains she is not well and takes every opportunity of stealing from company Her harpsichord is her only amusement where she is continually singing that plaintive little song you wrote and which with the assistance of her musicmaster she set I have often observed the tear starting from her eye at the last stanza which she sings with the most pathetic expression seeming to breathe forth her soul in the melody This she often apologizes for with a forced smile
I know brother
says she
you think me very foolish for being so affected with feigned sorrows but I cannot help it
I always tell her I love her for it for tears of compassion are natures
marks of distinction and the heart that never melts is less than human Whenever your name is mentioned her bosom heaves with a sigh that she in vain endeavours to suppress and when I told my father I had heard from you she could scarcely conceal her emotions
SHE begged I would let you know that she misses your company and assistance at her studies and hoped you would recover your health so as to enable you to return to town next winter Besides said she you may tell him I am quite at a loss for a beau As for a beau replied my father I take it you will soon be provided with one without waiting for our Harry for Mr Maitland acquaints me that his son Tom is coming up to town next week and who knows what may happen between this and Christmas The last
sentence was spoke in a kind of arch manner that shewed his visit was in consequence of a previous agreement between old Maitland and him Maria understood it so and making a half bow of acknowledgment sat very grave and silent during the rest of the conversation
THIS passed at dinner and in the evening when the business in the countinghouse was settled my father sent for me into his study where I found him sitting with a letter in his hand
CHARLES said he
I have for some time been considering about settling you and your sister in life as it would be the highest satisfaction to me to see my children respectably situated before I die An idle man of property is a more useless being than the indolent in a
lower situation The man of great fortune and influence owes to the state his advice and protection and he whose situation does not immediately call him into life is nevertheless bound in a great measure to enter into society for indolence and inactivity are only for those who have spent the former part of their lives in that reciprocation of 〈◊〉 offices that the wants of manki•• demand Considerations of this nature induced me to bring you up in the mercantile line and I know you regard my advice enough to continue in it after I am gone I shall not now enlarge on the profession nor remind you in how many ways it will be in your power to assist and support individuals as well as your country without injuring yourself but am at present to acquaint you that I have determined to admit
you into partnership with me and that the articles are now ready for executing
I was going to answer when he proceeded thus
I shall continue in the house if I live four years at the expiration of which term I shall quit the business in your favour and retire to finish my days at my house in Kent As for Maria
continued he this letter contains a proposal which I think much to her advantage It is from
my old friend Maitland and I have answered it by tonights post informing him that I intend to give her fifteen thousand pounds besides which she is possessed of a little estate of about 200l a year left her by her aunt Conan but that she will have no more till after my decease I shall say nothing to Maria on the subject till young Maitland arrives but expect the marriage will be celebrated
some time next winter when his father ••mes to town
I DARE say my dear Harry this will prove a heartfelt st•oke to you I assure you that I fee••o• you as well as my sister who I am convinced will be very unhappy if the match takes place. My father is I fear too much a man of the world ever to consent to your wishes which for my part I sincerely desire to see accomplished though the present prospect affords no ground for hope but whatever turn affairs may take you may depend on having frequent accounts from me I am
Dear Harry you sincere Friend
C STAMFORD
P S
I have enclosed a copy of the letter from Mr Maitland to my father and need make no comment on the peculiarity of the style c
LETTER VI Mr MAITLAND to 〈◊〉 STAMFORD S•nior
My Good Frie•d
MaitlandHall
IT is a theorem that admits of mathematical demonstration that the propagation of the human species is accelerated in the direct ratio of the mutual attraction that subsists between the two sexes
IT is likewise evident that the perpetuity of every system is consequent to the preservation of order whence it follows,
THAT it becomes us quoad potesiatem in the orbits of our respective influences to bring the attractive bodies within the sphere of attraction
I WAS prevented from coming to town last winter by an attempt to discover the cause of bubbles in ice by reducing it to an impalp•••••owder but shall certainly see you 〈◊〉 winter sivis inertiae non 〈…〉
IN the mean time by the help of the foregoing lemmata you will easily conceive the following investigation
LET the attractive powers of your daughter be separated by the letter c and call her portion m
AGAIN Let the centripetal force of my son Tom be denoted by the letter p and his eccentricity of which I am informed he has an unknown quantity by x
THEN Marias whole attractive power will be equal to c m
And 〈…〉 of 〈◊〉 being undetermined 〈…〉 round Maria will be 〈…〉 elliptical orbit his distances varying at different times
MARIA will be the focus
NOW if the quantity m is sufficiently powerful Tom will approximate in a spiral curve and will at length fall into the focus
BUT 〈◊〉 should be deficient in ponderosity Tom will fly off in a tangent
I HAVE sent for him from college to try the experiment and he will be with
you next week In the interim you will please to calculate the value of the unknown quantity m and send me the result that I may complete the solution I remain my good friend
Yours to command HUMPHRY MAITLAND
LETTER VII Mr HILKIRK to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
I RECEIVED yours from Kendal by which I am informed of your safe arrival I am glad that the relation of my adventures has afforded you pleasure and in compliance with your request shall here send you the remainder It is a happiness to me to be able to gratify or oblige my friend at so cheap a rate
IT was not long before every thing was settled in the manner proposed by Mr Macloughlin and I was informed it was necessary for me to set off for Dublin it being the intention of the proprietors to open the theatre about the beginning of October In consequence
of my desire to appear in some •••••cter he had promised not only to procure me such an opportunity but likewise to instruct and become my patron and upon my representing to him my want of cash for the journey he lent me six guineas on the part of the managers and gave me a letter to Mr ONeal who would out of respect to him provide me with a lodging and do me other services of the like nature which could not but be agreeable to a youngster like me
I REWARDED my friend Evans with a guinea redeemed my cloaths with another and left London elated with the most flattering prospects Could I have forgot the name of Julia and the family of Seldon I should at this moment have been a stranger to sorrow but that was impossible
ABOUT the latter end of September I arrived in Dublin The 〈…〉 scene and the vast 〈…〉 the oeconomy and manners of the people made a strong impression upon my imagination The bar at the mouth of the Liffy renders the entrance up that river passable but to ships of small burthen and to them only when the tide serves It was low water when we came to the mouth of it and a boat came along side of our vessel into which most of the cabbin and steerage passengers went rather than wait another tide and I among the rest The river divides the city and there were about a dozen who were set on shore on the quay but I as per letter enquired for Capelstreet which was on the contrary side Thither accordingly I was carried and my trunk and myself landed in a beerhouse I was astonished when the waterruffians with
their red beards black hair and wild eyes dem••••d five and fivepence together with a qua•t of threepenny for my carriage from the packet the more so as I had seen the other passengers give but a shilling each and one or two of the meaner among them only sixpence I remonstrated at the imposition and quoted the precedent of the shilling to which one of these modest gentry replied in the true Connaught accent
Fwhy now blood and ouns sure we can see now that you are a sweet honey of an English young Jontleman and sure agrah I always delight to see an English Jontleman sit his foot on board my boat Long life to em they dont come like Spalpeens wid a sixpence halfpenny in their hand sure fwhy to a poor man And so as you are a stranger fwhy we brought you to this beerhouse
becase as fwhy the divel so honest a fillow is there in all 〈◊〉 whole city of Dublin as my landlord •ere
—— To this harangue the landlord who pretended to be in my interest replied that
to be sure there was not two honester fillows brathing than Pat MCullogh and Brian OFlanaghan but howiver the divel burn you Brian
added he
you see the Jontleman is a stranger and so you must take no more than four and fourpence which Sir is just four English shillings and the pot of threepenny
THE wildness of their looks the smoothness of their tongues and the possession they had taken of my trunk upon which one of them seated himself while the other argued the case occasioned me to comply with their demands
but that which was the greatest cause of admiration to me in the whole scene was that the landlord who swore by the holy Father to their honesty while I was paying them no sooner saw their backs turned than according to his own phraseology
he pitched them to the divel for a couple of cutthroat chating rascals that desarved hanging worse than a murderer
I AM sorry to say that during my short stay in Ireland I had but too many occasions to observe a shocking depravity of morals which I attribute either to the laws, or the want of a due enforcement of them The Irish are habitually not naturally licentious They have all that warmth and generosity which are the characteristics of the best dispositions and when properly educated are an honour to mankind Hibernia
has produced many firstrate geniuses and in my opinion nothing but the foregoing circumstance has prevented her from producing many more It is the legislature that forms the manners of a nation
WHEN I set out from London I was assured that the house would open at the beginning of October but it was November before the season commenced so that my finances were once again exhausted and I was obliged to apply on the credit of Macloughlin to Mr ONeal for a farther supply Our acting manager was one ODogherty alias Dawson a busy bustling fellow that pretended to carry the world before him Void of principle an enemy to truth except when it served his purpose better than falshood inured to flattery from the poor wretches whom
he employed as servants about the house and whom it was his custom to kick with the utmost familiarity whenever he found himself so disposed I presently discovered there was an insurmountable antipathy between his disposition and mine But the means of my existence were at stake I endeavoured therefore to accommodate myself as much to his temper as possible and waited for the arrival of Macloughlin with the utmost impatience I understood my engagement to have been permanently fixed at thirty shillings a week but when I went to the treasury I found it reduced to a guinea and whenever I pleaded my agreement received the most mortifying and insulting answers I perceived the utter improbability of my becoming a favourite None were so but such as could administer the most gross flattery and who
listened to whatever was said in the theatre concerning this demagogue and his management and repeated the gleanings of their industry in his private ear—I vainly supposed the presence of Macloughlin would put an end to all my grievances I looked up to him as my patron as one who had been the occasion of my leaving England who had pledged himself to be my friend and was bound to protect me Whether ODogherty had prejudiced him against me or whether he observed my deficiency at adulation I cannot determine but I found him very cold in my interest and far more disposed to browbeat than countenance me He had promised to teach me a part and bring me out in it and when I ventured to remind him of it I received only sarcastic remarks on my inability I persisted in asserting the positiveness of
my agreement respecting my salary concerning which Macloughlin had the meanness to equivocate but I could only obtain an addition of four shillings per week Instead of directing or assisting me in my business as a prompter which he had engaged to do before I consented to undertake it he took every opportunity of venting his tenfold portion of spleen upon me
INCAPABLE of extricating myself I endured the mean insults of ignorance and malice for five months till the money which I had borrowed had been deducted from my stipend and then ODogherty immediately discharged me It would be no easy matter to describe what I felt at this moment I had not five shillings in the world was in a strange kingdom and had no means now that I was shut out from the theatre
of obtaining a subsistence I beheld nothing but misery and famine and imprecated curses on Macloughlin for the perfidiousness of his conduct toward• me Of this I was so sensible that though the severity of his manner had gained an entire ascendency over me I went to his house and with the utmost firmness after premising that I would rather starve than incur a fresh obligation from him displayed the impropriety and injustice with which he had treated and the shocking necessity to which he had reduced me in such animated terms that all his accustomed sternness fled and the Cynic stood abashed before the boy
THE money which had been deducted from my salary to discharge my debt was so considerable that I had not been able to pay my lodging I had
a bill against me there of between three and four pounds It is true there was another theatre open in Smockalley under the direction of Mossop but he was insolvent and none of his people were paid Here however as to a dernier resort did I apply and was engaged at the same nominal salary that I had had at Capelstreet
A FEW days after this event I was told by an acquaintance that a stranger had been making enquiries after me in a very circumstantial and particular manner and that he appeared much affected when he heard how I had been treated by ODogherty and Macloughlin The description of this strangers person answered exactly to that of Mr Turnbull I received this intelligence at the theatre and when I returned home I found a letter directed to me and a ten pound
bank bill enclosed The contents informed me that the donor was an old friend who had a sincere regard for me and who if I persevered in my distress to preserve my principles did not doubt of seeing me on some future day as much favoured of fortune as I was at present persecuted by her The character of this epistle though purposely disguised confirmed me in the opinion that Turnbull was the old friend alluded to
THIS event called up a train of ideas of the most impassioned kind My former companions my patrons care conspicuous in its severity the friendship of Turnbull which now appeared even romantic for I could not place his journey to the account of business Mr Seldon having no connexions in Dublin added to the fond remembrance of Julia and contrasted with the forlorn
condition in which I then beheld myself gave me the most poignant sense of the alteration At one moment all possibility of future happiness vanished and at the next a gleam of hope beamed in the prophecy which the letter contained This while it left a kind of riddle in my imagination which I yet cannot tell how to solve fortified me in my former resolutions of preserving my integrity
IT soon appeared that there was no probability of being paid for my performance at Mossops theatre I therefore very willingly quitted Dublin in March and went on board the packet for Parkgate resolving that if I must be miserable England should be the scene of my sufferings The wind was fair till we had lost sight of the hill of Hoath but presently after sunset a
hurricane came on which in this narrow and rocky sea put our lives in imminent danger Of this however the violence of the seasickness made me insensible We were drove during the storm considerably to the north and such was the ignorance of the master and his two or three superannuated mariners that he continued sailing northward having no knowledge of navigation but what he had gained by coasting between the two kingdoms This in the present conjuncture was of no use to him so that in all likelihood we should have made the tour of Greenland had not an intelligent Scotchman among the passengers known some of the headlands in his own country The blockhead of a master would have contested the point and proceeded to the land of bears had not the company perceived his stupidity and joined the North Briton who
with a degree of warmth expressive of his attachment to his bleak hills called out
What the deel mon dye think I dinna ken the craig of Elsey
THIS extraordinary voyage kept us eight days without putting into any port except sending the boat on shore on the evening of the seventh at the Isle of Man to procure some provisions for the passengers who were almost starved having devoured the stock which is usually provided for these kind of voyages in a day or two after the storm had abated The reason why we were so very long in making our port was the extraordinary calm that had succeeded which the mariners who are the most superstitious of all human beings attributed to there being some Jonas on board This opinion they had inculcated among the poor devils who
pay half a crown for their passage in the hold who were as ignorant as themselves and far more mischievous Unhappily for me I was the person on whom their suspicions alighted the strongest They had discovered me to be a player a profession consigned over by the almost universal consent of mankind to the devil For what reason I could never yet discover This ridiculous belief however had nearly cost me my life The wild Irish in the hold were chiefly catholics and the sixth day from our departure happened to be Easter Sunday I had sauntered off the quarterdeck with a volume of Hudibras in my hand and walked to the other end of the vessel when I found myself encircled by two or three fellows with most ferocious countenances who were staring at me with looks expressive of loathing and revenge Most
of the passengers were at breakfast and nobody upon deck but these ragamuffins and a couple of the mariners who joined them The particularity of their manner attracted my notice and one of them asked me with his lips quivering with passion
If I had not better be getting a prayerbook than be radeing plays upon that blissed day
—I perceived the fellows were inebriated and like a rash fool instead of soothing asked them if they imagined there was as much harm in radeing a play as in getting drunk and so early in the morning too
By the holy fadther
replied the spokesman
I know you You are the Jonas and by Jasus the ship will niver see land till you are tossed overboard you and your plays along wid you and sure it will be a grate dale better that such a wicked wretch as you
should go to the bottom than that all the poor innocent sowls in the ship should be lost
This speech entirely disconcerted me The resolute tone of the rascal and the approbation which his companions discovered were alarming I preserved fortitude sufficient to assure them it was not a playbook that I was reading and opened it to convince them while I edged away towards the quarterdeck which I gained almost in the same manner that a cat keeps curs at bay till she steals into her hole
I FEAR I tire you with these tedious accounts of myself you say not be it as it will I have taken the liberty of a friend and as you appear depressed with the peculiarity of your situation my intention is only that you may compare notes and see whether you
have hitherto been equally unfortunate I have little more to relate that is worth your hearing I arrived at Chester and resolved to write to such travelling companies as I could procure any intelligence of My knowledge of music my talents as a singer and my recent arrival from Dublin were recommendations that ensured me several engagements I chose one in a company that was then at Leeds in Yorkshire In this my ill stars were again predominant I found them in a state of anarchy despised by the town and quarrelling with one another, their manager calling them all rascals and they returning the compliment Here I discovered too how necessary practice is to the player and that though some of them could scarce read they could all speak on the stage better than I could
IN less than three weeks the greater part of the people separated and no others coming to supply their places the company no longer existed A letter had followed me from Chester inviting me to join another sett then at Hereford but it had been wrote near a month it was a hundred and sixty miles across the country and I did not know if I set out whether I should find them there or if I did whether they might then stand in need of my assistance But my ten pound bill was by this time notwithstanding all my oeconomy reduced to eleven shillings and sixpence With a heavy heart then and a light purse did I begin another journey and on the fifth day of my peregrination entered an inn by the roadside which was eight and twenty miles from Hereford with the sum of ninepence in my pocket and made
my exit in the morning pennyless The fatigue of my journey and the penurious manner in which I had lived had so reduced my spirits that I found great difficulty in performing this last days task upon an empty stomach but there was no remedy About four oclock I ascended the hill that looks down upon this ancient city at sight of which a thousand anxieties took possession of my bosom The players might be gone and I unknown to every living creature had a spirit incapable of confessing the starving condition to which I was reduced I enquired of the first man I met with an emotion that it is impossible to describe if the comedians had left Hereford and leave you to imagine what I felt when he answered in the negative. Faint weary and ready to drop with hunger I traversed the town to enquire for the manager but it was one
of the nights on which they did not perform and he was not to be found I was directed to his brother who was a barber in the city and upon their observing my weakness and desiring to know if I was not well I collected courage enough to tell them that I was greatly fatigued having come a long journey and for the last day not having broke my fast except at the brook I know not what kind of stuff some peoples hearts are made of but I know that notwithstanding this confession in the making of which I had done great violence to my feelings they heard it without offering me any assistance or even so much as testifying either surprize or pity and I quitted the house with the tears in my eyes
WHEN the players understood a fresh member was come to join them
they from sympathy soon discovered my disease and when I gave them the anecdote of the barber consigned him over to the devil in a most emphatical manner Little except common occurrences has happened to me since that time
I STAID with this company some time till a difference with the manager occasioned me to leave it I have since been only with Santlo and the one to which I have lately removed The smallest trifles that any way affect the fortunes of a friend I believe are heard with pleasure or anxiety and though I do not by any means think myself either the only or the most unfortunate person in the world I have offered these anecdotes of my life both to amuse and convince you that in appearance at least you have been far more happy
than I There is another motive you know how delighted I am with your correspondence Though you are not in arrear with respect to tale you are certainly deficient in weight I therefore hope you will communicate with the utmost freedom whatever futurity shall produce and if you are not already wearied I shall continue to trifle as occasion may offer Adieu
W HILKIRK
LETTER VIII Miss STAMFORD to Miss GOWLAND
My dear JULIA
HOW long shall I wish in vain for the pleasure of your company Your last letter gave me reason to hope for it a fortnight ago I have ever since been in expectation of seeing you and long to communicate the secrets of my bosom Oh my Julia I am very wretched I have lost my former chearfulness and can think of nothing but my misfortunes
I KNOW your tender and compassionate disposition will sympathize with me in deploring the effects of a passion that has taken possession of my unguarded heart Alas I knew not it
was love Under the specious disguise of friendship I have deceived myself and simply thought it in my power to limit my inclinations to esteem and regard Fatal experience has shewn the contrary I sigh for a happiness that every hour removes farther from me
I WILL now tell you all and if I am tedious you will excuse it It is some relief to communicate my sorrows by letter since your company is denied me
WHEN my father was young he was frequently employed on the Continent in transacting business on account of my grandfather On one of these occasions he went on board a ship up the Straits in which one captain Alwyn was a passenger for Gibraltar where his company then was They became
very intimate and their friendship was confirmed by an accident that happened during the voyage
IT was at that time war with France and the sailors spied a ship which they supposed to be a French man of war My father went up the ropeladders to look at it and unfortunately slipped into the sea where he must have perished if Alwyn had not instantly jumped after and sustained him by swimming till a boat could be sent to their assistance I have often heard my father mention with regret that he never saw him since they parted at Gibraltar he being slain in battle a few years afterwards
LONG after this calling on Messrs Brown and Co armyagents he there saw a lady of the name of Alwyn and
curiosity prompting him to make some enquiries he found she was the widow of his friend She had with her an only son whom she had brought to town from school to place in some business and my father happy in an opportunity of shewing his attachment as well as gratifying his own benevolent disposition begged she would leave to him the care of providing for her Harry for so he was called He was in consequence received into the countinghouse where till lately he has ever since remained
I WAS then at school where I have passed so many happy hours with my dear Miss Gowland Hours of peaceful enjoyment that never will return I had few opportunities of cultivating Mr Alwyns acquaintance till I entirely quitted Mrs Carringtons when I found
him surprisingly grown and adorned with every quality that distinguishes the man of merit
HIS education had been of the first stamp to which he had added that polish which the finer accomplishments are sure to bestow where the understanding is good His temper and address were the most pleasing in the world and a consciousness of the obligations he owed my father seemed to shew itself in all his actions I do not know whether that consciousness made him diffident but I thought so and as well to second my fathers good intentions as to shew my own sense of his merit I gave him every mark of esteem and friendship in my power
HE was made principal clerk about that time for which reason his attendance
was not so immediately required in the countinghouse My brother and he were therefore always together and very often would accompany me on the harpsichord Mr Alwyn had a turn for poetry which now and then appeared in a song these were always set by my musicmaster and formed a principal part of our entertainment I have several by me which I will shew you when we meet
BY these means we soon became on the most intimate terms of friendship and it was with great concern I observed his health decline for these six months past I did not suspect his love till he presented me with the following song which was so applicable to himself that it could not escape my observation
SONG
O love thou powerful pleasing pain
The heart that owns thy mighty sway
Shall neer recover peace again
But waste in sighs the chearful day
Can words describe my countless fears
While on the rack of doubt I lie
While doomd to pass my time in tears
Condemnd without complaint to die
Alas should love be mutual found
What numrous obstacles arise
What great what various ills abound
To check the ardent tender ties
In vain I wish for lost repose
In vain would absence bring relief
Still love within my bosom glows
And death alone can calm my grief
I MUST confess the discovery gave me pleasure but I thought it best to make no alteration in my conduct towards him Little did I then think my regard for him was capable of occasioning
so much uneasiness in my bosom But his farewel when he went into the country for the recovery of his health was attended with a look in which despair and resignation were so blended that I was quite melted and was obliged to retire to conceal my tears
ALAS exclaimed I it is true that I love him and that he is unhappy Perhaps his fatal passion may prove the bane of all his hopes Perhaps the struggle between love and gratitude in a mind so truly susceptible of every noble feeling may overcome him and he may pine under the hated load of life But why perhaps the work is already begun Already his health and spirits are fled and he wanders in vain in search of peace
OPPRESSED with thoughts like these and convinced by absence how much I love him I find it impossible to conceal the alteration in my disposition I continue whole days in my chamber and avoid company under pretence of illness My brother I believe suspects the real cause for he found me the other morning in tears at my harpsichord singing the little song I have sent you I made some silly excuse which out of goodnature he accepted of without further enquiry
BUT the most afflicting circumstance is that my father is in treaty with a gentleman in the country to conclude a marriage between me and his son who is now in town expressly on that business If I did not feel myself too much prejudiced in favour of Mr Alwyn ever to love another I am sure he
is very far from being the person I would pass my life with I do not believe it possible for him to be serious He is for ever on some whim or project as if he valued himself only in proportion to his capacity for promoting mischief and his want of delicacy is insufferable when I call to mind the tender and respectful attentions of poor Mr Alwyn
THINK my dear Julia on my situaation I am sure youll pity me but it does not admit of advice If my father insists I must submit for I can never think of disobeying his commands yet I tremble at the thoughts of becoming Maitlands wife—Oh my dear I am distracted with a croud of thoughts I beg youll come to me and am
Yours most affectionately MARIA STAMFORD
LETTER IX Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
I WROTE to you last week in answer to yours but have not since had the pleasure of a line from you Old Maitlands sending my father a proposal of marriage in the form of a mathematical problem is truly whimsical What is still more my father assures me that there is no joke at all meant by it but that he seriously intends to make himself understood If he intended quite the contrary I think he could not have adopted a better method
YOUNG Maitland is arrived to try the experiment as his father expresses it but Maria does not seem disposed to
exert her attractive influence She is constantly wrapt in thought and takes very little notice of him and he does not appear to care much about it He is one of those wild youths who though possessed of sense and understanding have too much vivacity to use them I am afraid Maria who is all meekness and delicacy will be very unhappy with him if the match succeeds and I see nothing at present to hinder it for she will never dispute her fathers will and young Maitland seems as if he thought it no affair of his but leaves it to the management and direction of the old folks
I HAVE agreed to accompany him to Maitlandhall in a fortnight where I promise myself a vast fund of entertainment from the oddities of his father We should have set out sooner but
that it would be impolite to leave Miss Gowland who is now on a visit to my sister You have often heard Maria mention her They were at Mrs Carringtons boardingschool together and contracted a friendship which is founded in the most perfect union of disposition and sentiment
MISS Gowland is rather above the middle stature but perfectly wellshaped and genteel She cannot be called handsome but the tout ensemble of her countenance is so expressive of every amiable trait of disposition that it is impossible to behold her without esteem I think she differs from Maria in a kind of volatility that I cannot describe better than by comparing her to the Allegro and Maria to the Penseroso of Milton Each for the time claims the preference
Nec diversa tamen qualem decet esse sororum
BUT Marias hopeless love may tend at present to heighten the opposition.
FOR me I still continue heartwhole The destinies have not yet made a lover of me The only concern that engrosses my attention is the fate of my dear friend and poor Maria I know she will never love Maitland and in any case but the present I am sure my father would not oppose her inclination I never saw him so bent on any affair as on this and though old Maitlands letter had a great deal of frigidity in it it is only owing to his ridiculous attempt to bring every thing to the test of mathematical demonstration for they have both intended the match for some years The nature of their attachment you will judge from the following narration I had it from my
father one evening as we were conversing on this subject
BEING both in the same class at school the mutual assistance which they afforded each other in their studies was the first ground of particular intimacy Possessed of nearly the same dispositions and equally unacquainted with the world they spent their early youth among the heroes of antiquity and incited each other to emulate their virtues But they were chiefly enamoured with those pleasing descriptions of retirement and solitude with which the poets abound and from them formed the idea of a kind of life that seldom exists but in the imagination Instead of wishing to cut a figure in the world their desires were fixed on some peaceful retreat where their employment might be to tend their flocks
and repose on the verdant banks of a rivulet
Far from the busy world and all its cares
THESE ideas were still more enforced by the rural situation of the school which gave them an opportunity of forming grottoes and other poetical edifices and there was scarce a grove or stream in the neighbourhood that did not at one time or other afford them a subject for an ode
AFTER passing two years in this sweet delusion my father began to awake and consider himself as an inhabitant of this world but it was not so with Maitland He had indeed discovered that the Heathen mythology was a fiction for his master had not sense to put him into the rational way of studying it It was therefore no longer the
object of his attention yet with the poets afforded him a temporary amusement But his inquisitive disposition was now fully employed in the mathematics and natural philosophy in which at the time of his leaving the place he was so totally immersed that he came into the world with less real knowledge of it than a boy of ten years old brought up in the capital usually has
HIS father possessed of a considerable fortune acquired by his own industry was very desirous of putting his son in a line of employment that might tend to improve rather than diminish it and in consequence he was admitted on the firm of a very considerable house at Amsterdam where he remained till his fathers death put
him in possession of the estate he now enjoys
MY father who came to town from school nearly at the same time as Maitland was immediately placed at the desk in my grandfathers countinghouse and by attention and assiduity rendered himself so useful that some years before his death he gave him a half share of the business
YOU do not know perhaps that at my grandfathers death an execution was laid in the house for as the affair was well settled it was always kept a profound secret however so it was Two ships from the Mediterranean that he had underwrote for a vast amount were taken and he not being able immediately to answer the demand was under the necessity of taking up a considerable
sum on bond and judgment In fact this loss had almost ruined him which the lender suspecting laid an execution as soon as he heard he was dead
THINK what a situation my father was then in Mourning for the death of a dearly loved parent yet obliged to apply all his attention to prevent the overthrow of a business which though lucrative he knew to be then insolvent What could he do He applied to Maitland for their friendship which as it had not remained uncultivated during this long interval did not require ceremony Maitland came immediately to town elated with the opportunity of serving him though he sympathized in his losses and not only advanced the sum but assisted him in other respects so considerably that it may almost be said
that my father is indebted to him for the large property he is now master of
SOON after this transaction my father married and received ten thousand pounds in cash with my mother besides the manor in Kent to which she was heiress
I OBSERVE and possibly you may too by this time that old Maitland from a very abstracted mode of thinking forms conclusions and adopts maxims which he never takes the trouble to compare with persons and things about him Whence it is that they are frequently inadequate and always singular
HE has read Locke with great attention and being convinced that demonstration is not confined to mathematical
subjects alone attempts to use it on all occasions witness the letter he sent my father which I scarce yet believe to be seriously written
BUT I wander from the point He has but one child this youth is just come from college and by what I can collect Maria was intended for him from her birth Unpleasing intelligence indeed for you yet from what has been related I cannot avoid being apprehensive of the consequences to one whom I should be as happy to serve as I am proud to call by the sacred name of friend
C STAMFORD
LETTER X Mr ALWYN to Mr STAMFORD Junior
Dear SIR
I WISH I could make you sensible how forcibly I feel your generous and disinterested friendship Your letter expresses an opinion of me which I fear I am not worthy of yet such is the human heart it attaches me so powerfully to you that I believe there is nothing so romantic which I would not undertake to prove my gratitude
YOUR account of Maria made my heart overflow I hope you are mistaken in the cause of—What do I say—Is that my wish Is there any thing on earth could give me so much delight as to be beloved by her—Would it
not rather give me torture—It would make her as miserable as myself—Forbid it heaven—Let me try to divert these reflections They oppress me—I am convinced they do not give you pleasure
THE friendship of your father and Mr Maitland does them mutual honour—It would ill become me to disturb the happiness of a family to which I owe so many obligations—It requires only a small degree of virtue to be ashamed of ingratitude
WE have not yet began to play our theatre will not be ready before Friday We are to open with Romeo and Juliet and I for my first appearance am to be the hero of the night A good mental physician would not I believe have prescribed so sweet a dose the studying
this character has not contributed to my recovery But I have undertaken it and must proceed My feelings are so similar to those put into the mouth of the young Montague that it must be strange if I mistake my part The company have formed great expectations of me I am told from hearing me rehearse and the manager who is a busy talkative person is puffing his performers among the townspeople and me among the rest As I shall perhaps endeavour to amuse you now and then with the adventures of the theatre it may not be unnecessary to inform you of the police and oeconomy of the society of which I am a temporary member that is as far as I myself have learned
A COMPANY of travelling comedians is a small kingdom of which the manager
is the monarch Their code of laws, from the little reading I have had upon the subject seems to have existed with few material variations at or perhaps before the days of Shakespeare who is with great reason
the god of their idolatry
The person who is rich enough to furnish a wardrobe and scenes commences manager and has his privileges and restrictions The royal revenues are extensive being in the ratio of five to one—As thus—If there are twenty persons in the company the manager included the receipt of the house after all incidental expences are deducted is divided into four and twenty shares four of which are called dead shares and taken by the manager as a payment for the use of his cloaths and scenes to these is added the share which he is entitled to as a performer
OUR monarch to resume my metaphor through the fecundity of the queen consort sweeps eleven shares into the royal pouch every night having five sons and daughters who are ranked as performers This is a continual subject of discontent to the rest of the comedians who are all to a man disaffected to the government For my part I do not think it worth while to be dissatisfied having it in my own option to submit to these laws or leave them for more equitable ones That is not the case with them they being all in debt to the manager and of course chained to his galley which he does not fail to inform them of when they are refractory They appear to be a sett of thoughtless merry beings who laugh in the midst of poverty and who never want a quotation or a story to recruit their spirits When they get any money
they seem like Russian boors in haste to spend it lest some tyrant in the shape of a dun should snatch it from them—They have a circuit or sett of towns to which they resort when the time comes round so that there are but three or four in the company who are not well known in Kendal The townspeople I observe are continually railing at them yet are very unhappy I am told if they fail to return at the appointed season It is a saying with the comedians that a players sixpence does not equal a townsmans groat and I find a great deal of truth in the apothegm therefore though these latter are continually abusing the poor players for running in debt they take good care to indemnify themselves and are no great losers if they get ten shillings in the pound
I SHALL continue my observations from time to time according to your desire and shall be much mistaken if they do not afford amusement to a mind like yours Permit me a concluding sigh for friends and a tear for—I am ashamed of my weakness yet cannot overcome it at least not at the present
I am
Dear Sir
sincerely yours H H ALWYN
LETTER XI T STENTOR to JEMMY DRUMSHANDRUGH
Dear JEMMY
THERE is nothing but crosses and vexations and one damned thing or another to be met with in this world—Our landlady like a goodfornothing brim as she is stopt my box for thirteen and sevenpence at the last town so that I and my wife are arrived in Kendal without a property to play in My grey hairs and my wifes tie wig the coronet I wear in Lear with the George and garter for Richard Banquos bloody throat that you painted on fleshcoloured callimanco my shirtshams and new Basil buskins never worn but one night in Mark Anthony
Mrs Stentors tate her witchs highcrowned hat and Hecates spectacles the boots and belt in which she plays John Moody together with the managers Thunderbolt in Midas and my last new sett of teeth for which I paid half a guinea to our French dancing dentist the black stockings with spangled clocks that I wear in all my kings the remainder of my two dozen guineas that cost me tenpence to put in my stage purse and a thousand other things that I shall want every night all stopt—Im in a pretty pickle What the devil I shall do without my teeth I dont know for to mend the matter I lost my old ones that I made shift with in common on the road and I cant speak a word without lisping worse than if I had belonged to the tribe of Ephraim and was ordered to say shibboleth at the pass of Jordan by the cruel bastard of Gilead
MISFORTUNES never come alone I have seen the day when our manager durst not have refused to lend me thirteen and sevenpence if I wanted it but he says I am no longer fit to play the lovesick heroes so has engaged one Alwyn that nobody except Hilkirk knows any thing of—Its d—d strange if I cant play them better than that youngster I that have been the representative of all the heroes ancient and modern for almost these fifty years and this is his first appearance he says though Ill swear hes a stager of five years standing at least by the manner of his rehearsing Nay and because he is in possession of a smooth face and a soft voice its a guinea to a shilling that all the young flirts fall in love with him—He has made choice of Romeo my favourite character above all others to appear in— I wish he may break his neck—However if he stays Ill go if I can—I wish you
would try to get an engagement for me and my wife with your manager—I have enclosed our casts My wife plays the queens is an excellent termagant and goes into breeches We neither of us clash with you except that my wife plays John Moody and she is allowed to be so excellent in that part that if the great London SHUTER or PARSONS that we hear so much of were to come down she would not give it up
I HAVE been interrupted in my letter by that Alwyn—I dont know what scheme he is at but he has been here with an oiled tongue and
a hope that he did not offend me but hearing I was a little distressed for a trifle he came to offer me his assistance
When he had finished his preface he put a
guinea into my hand—As he made his exit he
begged a thousand pardons and hoped I would excuse the abruptness that his want of being better acquainted with me had forced him upon but that he could not bear to hear of age being wedded to necessity
NOTWITHSTANDING this fine rhetorical flourish I am devilishly deceived if I dont see through this generosity Men dont give their money away so freely without some view Perhaps he meant it as a bribe that I may patiently submit to see him rob me of all my characters Had he lent it me I should have suspected Santlo the manager to have been at the bottom of all this but he would not give a guinea to save his mothers soul from purgatory so it cant be him—My young politician
shall find however I am not to be so easily bribed If he mines Ill countermine and its a question if the young cub digs so deep as the old fox He shall be well earthed if I dont unkennel him—I have provided a party that shall hiss worse than the head of Gorgon Staunch friends that wont easily see the veteran vanquished
GIVE our respects to your manager and if he will agree to our playing those parts which are here subjoined and will send three guineas and a half two of which I owe to Santlo and the rest we shall want for our journey we will join him immediately Let him know how useful my wife is—She is excellent in the old statesmen and looks them admirably—Not that we are exceedingly anxious about the matter We make no doubt of being able by
one means or other to rout this whipster this Alwyn
OUR compliments to all old friends and let me know how you share and whether your manager ever shews his book—Our precious rascal immures his more carefully than the Romans did the Sybils prophecy Yours
TRUNCHEON STENTOR
LETTER XII JEMMY DRUMSHANDRUGH to T STENTOR
Friend TRUNCHEON
I AM sorry to hear of your misforfortunes becase as why dye see I have it not in my power to relave em at all at all but howiver I will give you some consolation in this affair which is this dye see now—By Jasus I have as miny misfortunes as yoursilf or any other man alive and so let that be your comfort You know I had 500l left me by my old aunt Phabe Tullaghan of Ballimagowran in the county of Cavan and the province of Ulster about two years before her death Pooh I mane two years after her—Ahoo—To the divel I pitch my maning but I know
it was whin I was one and forty years of age dye see and now I am three and forty as old Darby Coghran tells me for as for mysilf I niver mind of a handful of years dye see—Well—An so—What now was I telling you about agrah —Oh It was consarning my misfortunes and my aunt Phabe Well thin it was about three twelvemonths since she died and left me the 500l—To be sure she always said she loved me though for my part the divel the word did I believe of the matter till she was dead for though she knew viry will that I was as poor and as miserable as a Spalpeen and wanted her money for mysilf sorra the morsel of the mind she had to die at all nor the divel a bit could I persuade her to it though I wrote to her several times about the affair till she had not a drop of breath left
in her body and thin you know the divel may htank her for her kindness To be sure I was not much the richer for it having spent it all seven years before I got it and the rest soon after I resaved it in paying my debts and trating my frinds for thin I had frinds enough and ivery body was glad to shake hands with Jemmy Drumshandrugh and now theres Mr Pot the taylor to the divel I pitch Mr Pot the taylor for the son of a Spalspeen whores bastard this Mr Pot the taylor who has tipled out of my pot many a frosty morning threatens to arrist me if I dont pay him for the suit of cloaths that I had of him about five years agoe and for all I tould him I could not pay ivery body and keep a little for my own use and thin you know as he always said he was my frind why I niver thought any thing about paying him at
all at all—Sorra the frindship that I can find out in linding a man a guinea and desiring one and twenty shillings in change Howiver my landlady long life to the dare crater whose husband has had a stroke of the palsy about five weeks agoe that has taken away the use of his limbs promises to lind me the money —She is a good hearty woman about my own age with a dale of rich thick blood in her vanes and has had a child she tells me every year since she has been married She is very industrious and has gone through a dale of trouble she says She took hould of my hand and prest it so tinderly and let the salt tares fall on it while she tould me of her poor husbands misfortune who she says before that accident was an honest painstaking man and so I am become a mighty favourite with her and she never lets the maid come up now to make
my bed but makes it always with her own hands and ginerally comes before breakfast as she says it gets her a stomach and likewise brings the warmingpan of a night to warm it becase she says it makes one sleep will thin she trates me with oysters whin she can get em to my supper and an egg to my tay of a morning after the good ould Irish fashion and so as I tould you I am become a mighty favourite with her
As for your coming to this company dye see why our manager says it wont do for why we play all the hairos between us oursilves and now that I spake good English and have got rid of my brogue I do Lord Townly instead of John Moody and make nothing of it But if I should lave the company why then there will be an opening for you which I shall certainly do whin my
landladys husband dies becase why there will be an opening then for me She has a pretty income enough and the poor woman is mightily grieved to see her husband in his misery and so as she tells me she prays viry devoutly for the poor craters dith to be sure she makes me love her the better becase she is so tinder hearted
As for our sharing why I dont hear of any body among us that intinds to build churches and rispicting the stock book and your managers being a rascal why I dont wonder much at that becase why I niver knew one of them that was not a rascal and I niver heard but of one neither did I believe that not but we have pritty full houses and that the people may have enough for their money dye see why there is
plenty of singing and dancing ivery night after the performance is over Mrs Stentor is a viry useful woman to be sure and just such a one as we want so if you think it worth while to live fashionably and niver see one another, why our manager says he will engage her with all his heart dye see now and thin this is likely to be a good town for why the parson praches against the players ivery Sunday and as he is not mightily beloved why they are resolved not to mind what he says and so if you like of it why let her set off before you resave this becase as why the sooner she comes the longer it will be before we see her—And so give me lave to conclude yourself my friend to command
J DRUMSHANDRUGH
LETTER XIII Mr MAITLAND Jun to STAFFORD OSBORNE Esq
Dear OSBORNE
THIS day week I left the sober family of the Stamfords and am now safely landed at Maitlandhall I was like a fish out of water during my stay in London Settled in as pretty a demure churchgoing family as youd wish to see and whats more on the footing of a suitor to the young lady Now there are two things you expect one that I shall reform in a hurry and the other that I shall give you a sketch of the queer creatures I have been shut up with for this fortnight but you are confoundedly mistaken if you think Ill take the pains to do either the one or
the other I have not been out later than ten since my arrival in town and was so lost for want of a frolick that I was reduced to the necessity of having one on the road I wish you had been there for I had it all to myself—but you shall hear
YOUNG Stamford and I left London on Tuesday morning attended by our servants on horseback My man Sam of whose dexterity and address you have seen proofs before now was with me and we arrived at M— in the evening just as the passengers were alighting from the stagecoach I stood at the inndoor while they were unpacking their carcases from the close stowage of the vehicle and fancied from their appearance that they were a sett of characters that might afford some diversion In consequence of this supposition I
proposed to Stamford to sup with the passengers which was agreed to Sam went to reconnoitre the inn and I applied myself to learn the dispositions of our fellowtravellers
THE company was compounded of a short fat man about forty with a cut of countenance not very inviting for arrogance and selfconceit were painted in every line of it His wig was of the construction that custom or some other cause has rendered one of the attributes of holiness and a blue grey suit of cloaths of a most stiff and formal outline put it out of doubt that he was a son of mother church I afterwards found he was a country schoolmaster who had been to London to procure scholars whom he found in all requisites for ten pounds a year Opposite him sat a figure whose calling and occupation were not so much
within the reach of conjecture Deceit seemed to be the very essence of his composition I never saw a man that so immediately inspired me with aversion His aspect was like that of a mischievous animal that surveys you with fear but with a fear mixed with an intention of hurting you as soon as off your guard His hair was lank and grey his person tall and aukward and his visage pale hollow and illuminated with a pair of small sunken eyes that might have given rise to the fictions of witchery and incantations performed by an evil sight A sett of habiliments put together in a very peculiar style would have tempted me to pronounce him an apothecary of the last century if a pair of dirty bands had not indicated that his province was that of a spiritual manmidwife He professed to believe the new birth and was himself a living proof of his doctrine
for without a metaphor it was necessary for a man to be born again to become like him
NEAR him sat a couple of females who seemed to be mother and daughter The mother I soon discovered to be a disciple of the respectable pastor I have just described but the daughter a fresh girl about sixteen did not seem to have much of the devotee about her
THE remaining passenger was a young fellow in regimentals who was standing by a window with his back to the company when I entered He came up to me and after common compliments we entered into conversation without regarding the others of whose social powers I had already entertained a very contemptible opinion He acquainted me that he was an ensign in the 40th
regiment was going to head a recruiting party at Bristol and at the same time gave me a sketch of the characters of his companions as I have just now hinted
WHEN supper was brought in the Methodist rose up and inclining himself forward not in the graceful attitude of an orator but rather in that of a person labouring under the operation of an emetic treated us with a grace of a quarter of an hours duration The schoolmaster appeared somewhat chagrined whether on account of the usurpation of his office as chaplain or the venter famelicus qui aures non habet or both I shall not pretend to say but I observed during the course of the evening that he and the Methodist were irreconcileable enemies to each other
AFTER supper and the circulation of a glass or two he arose to put in practice the same manoeuvre but was opposed by the schoolmaster who objected to it as not only unnecessary but pharisaical This produced a warm altercation in which the Methodist had manifestly the advantage for being well read in scripture he undertook with great calmness to prove that the schoolmaster was a limb of the whore of Babylon whereat the other was so enraged that he lost all power of utterance and stood gasping like a cat in an airpump
WE joined the Methodist who proceeded in his quotations without regarding the mighty rage of his antagonist and by that means put him into so good a humour that at the request of the old lady he consented to give us
an exhortation For which and its consequences you must wait till next post for at present Im quite tired
Yours c T MAITLAND
LETTER XIV Mr MAITLAND Jun to STAFFORD OSBORNE
Dear OSBORNE
I WROTE to you last post an account of my arrival here and promised to let you know the sequel of my road adventures which without further preamble I here continue
THE Methodist had planted himself on his knees in a great arm chair and was raving on in his exhortation while I was cursing my stupid brains that had not yet hinted any propable scheme of diversion though with such admirable subjects to practise on Who said he
was St Paul Did he ride in a coach No Was he a bishop No Did he preach in a great church No No No It was in the fields
my brethren He cast out devils and healed the sick I once knew a poor woman at Bristol—a very poor woman—but rich in faith—and she had experiences—and was in a good way—and she sought after us that teach the true way—and the devil came—and she saw him—and he appeared unto her——even the roaring lion and he roared—and she ran out of the house and came to me—and she wept bitterly—and I said unto the devil
—
AT this instant Sam and Stamfords servant each with an extinguisher put out the candles and the devil stood confessed to the view of the affrighted preacher He did not stop to recognize his Bristol acquaintance but oversetting the chair made his escape up the chimney The ladies screamed horribly and the officer drew his sword
and made a pass at Mons le Diable but finding it had no effect exclaimed Lord have mercy on my poor soul threw down his sword and in endeavouring to remove himself farther from the object of terror overset the table with the bottles and glasses that were on it Stamford and I were not a little startled at the presence of so unexpected a visitant though we soon discovered it to be the effect of a magic lanthorn which it afterwards appeared Sam had borrowed of a Jew who was then in the taproom of the inn
DIRECTED by the rays of light I perceived the instrument standing on the chimneypiece which was the occasion of this phaenomenon and removed it time enough to prevent a discovery The servants immediately came in with lights and with some difficulty got the Methodist down the chimney
Our schoolmaster having left the room previous to the exhortation escaped his part of the fright but the share he had in an adventure which followed left him no great cause for boasting
WORDS cannot describe the figure the poor devil of a Methodist cut when extracted from his sooty hidingplace The natural hollowness of his visage was augmented by certain lights and shades acquired during his residence in the chimney and a ghastly and idiot stare the remaining fright had left on his countenance He looked round the room with a sort of timid caution that demonstrated how unwelcome a return of the apparition would be and it was long before he could recollect any of his fellowtravellers The ladies bore it very well all things considered and the officer was particularly serious on the
occasion while Stamford looked at me with enquiring eyes and I gave Sam credit for the whole contrivance
TWAS in vain to think of sitting down again as a company and therefore I called Sam to shew me the bedrooms which were on the same floor opening every one into a long gallery that faced the courtyard
THE suite of rooms consisted of four in each of which were two beds The old lady and her daughter took possession of one Stamford and I another and the schoolmaster entering a third was followed by the Methodist whose fears of another visit from the prince of darkness had impelled him to make sure of a companion The officer of course had the remaining chamber to himself
WHEN Stamford and I were alone we interrogated Sam about the trick he had played on the apostle and received intelligence that another plot was in agitation to prevent their oversleeping themselves Stamford objected to it as cruel and thought it might possibly hurt their understandings but I overruled it and about midnight he began his operations
THEN it was that the clattering noise of some quadrupede animal was heard in the gallery which seemed to shake with the burthen Our preacher discovered by an ejaculation or two that his afflictions had kept him waking but his companion manifested no other signs of life than a profound nasal trumpeting which at a distance might have been mistaken for a couple of sawyers at work
THE Methodist was not long in suspence for the sound of hoofs approached his chamber the door of which flew open and admitted the cause of his apprehensions who addressed him in these words
O thou sinful wretch deceiver of the simple calumniator of the good and liar to the community thy time is accomplished and I thy evil genius am come to convey thee to the gloomy mansions of despair I appear unto thee in the shape of an ass because thou art an ass and command thee to arise and mount on my back which if thou delayest to perform I will tear thee instantly to pieces
At this threat I heard the frighted wretch get out of bed sighing and groaning and the instant after roaring with all his might The apparition on whose back he had mounted began to bray and issued out of the
room with great impetuosity nor stopped till they arrived at the stairshead whence down they both tumbled together
ALARMED at this circumstance Stamford and I hurried after them and found the preacher lying on the ground alone in his shirt Lifting him up we perceived he had sustained no other injury than a few bruises and the fright which had made him almost stupid We conveyed him to bed in the room where the officer had been and ordered a servant to stay with him while we went to enquire into the particulars of the adventure from the schoolmaster
THE knight of the ferula was covered over head and ears in bed where he had lain during the whole confusion not having had courage to rise A violent perspiration had wetted the bedcloaths almost through and on his peeping
forth our noses were informed that solids as well as fluids had escaped him in his fright He was so much cheared at our appearance that he found utterance for his surprise which thus broke forth and mingled with the potent effluvia
OH gentlemen little did I think when I left my native country and ventured up to London that I should have joined in the society of the children of darkness That fanatical wretch who with these eyes I saw riding to hell on the back of a fiery jackass has given me such a shock as I fear I shall never recover Alas even now I perceive my intestines are relaxed and the contents of the viscera are here and there dispersed in the bed I am become as lank and flaccid as a half blown bladder My nervous system is destroyed and I question if my members will ever
regain their proper tone Lend your kind assistance that I may rise and get some refreshment Nature abhors a vacuum and my poor bowels approach but too near to that state
WE could not refuse our help but on raising him up the fumes of the egesta here and there dispersed as he expressed it became so powerful that we let him down again and covered him up advising him to wait till we sent a servant with linen and other requisites to enable him to appear as became a man of his consequence
GOING down into the hall we found every body in the inn dressed and in full conversation on the event that had disturbed their repose Various were the conjectures formed on the occasion for the parties concerned being absent no authentic intelligence could be gained
This continued till the arrival of the schoolmaster who entered tolerably cleansed and immediately fortified himself with a bumper of brandy After which he proceeded to tell us that being in his first sleep he was suddenly roused by a dreadful voice that exclaimed
I am thy evil genius
on which he immediately started up and drawing his curtain perceived the room was filled with a blue sulphureous flame in the midst of which appeared a spectre larger than an elephant with fiery horns but in the shape of a jackass That the Methodist got out of bed howling and weeping and mounted on the back of the hobgoblin which after diverse frisks and nefarious gambols roaring in the mean time most dreadfully on a sudden vanished in a flash of lightning In consequence of which and the intolerable stench of brimstone he the narrator
was compelled to evacuate the whole quantity of aliment then in his body which shot forth neither more nor less than as if exploded from a windgun That moreover he lay in a trance f•om that instant till the coming of the two gentlemen into the room and concluded with assuring the company that he had no doubt but that horrid wretch the Methodist was now receiving the reward of his misdeeds
IN the morning I visited our AntiMahomet who had almost rode to hell instead of heaven on an ass and to my great surprize found him sitting by a table with a leathern inkhorn in his hand and writing After enquiring about his health and expressing my admiration at the extraordinary occurrences of the last twelve hours I begged he would if possible explain the cause of those appearances
Last night said he
after the visitation of the Evil One I sat on my bed ruminating with inward anguish and manifold groanings of the spirit on my backslidings It is written Resist the devil and he will flee from you Instead whereof I retired with some haste and gave place to the adversary Oh wretched man for this cause it was permitted unto him to scourge thee even with whips of scorpions While I thus wrestled with the corruptions of my heart lo it thundered the bed trembled beneath me and one of the angels of perdition stood in my sight He had one eye that glittered like the moon his nostrils resembled a glowing oven and from his posteriors came forth flashes of lightening At first I was frightened which the devil perceiving snatched
me up in his claws and carried me through the air with amazing swiftness but I soon recollected myself and compelled him by the force of my adjurations not only to set me down but also to disclose many secrets of the invisible world which I intend to publish under the title of News from Tophet being a relation of the extraordinary dealings of the spirit with John Wisely and also of sundry buffetings of Satan sustained by him in his ministry Necessary to be read as a warning in these later days of iniquity Recommended by the Reverend Mr Filcher Sir Rueland Howl will give it a good word in one of his sermons and without doubt it will be purchased in great numbers by the children of grace at the door of the tabernacle Whence it shall come to pass that
the truth will prevail mightily and great gain shall arise therefrom Moreover it would cause me to rejoice in spirit to behold your name in the list of my subscribers
THOUGH this narration was a masterpiece of lies and hypocrisy and though I knew his publication would be a shameful imposition on the credulous multitude yet I could not forbear noticing his last request by slipping a couple of guineas into his hand This unexpected benevolence surprized him so much that he was at a loss to express his acknowledgments He assured me that his heart leaped within him at the prospect of my approaching conversion and that I might depend upon it that this money was the best I had ever laid out in my life as it had purchased me the reversion of a seat among the celestials
I thanked him for the cheap bargain he had let me have and left him to the compilation of his pamphlet
SOON after which we mounted our horses and arrived at Maitlandhall by the evening
THE whole of the aforesaid dreadful adventure consisted of nothing more than Sams driving an ass into the preachers room behind which he stood and in a feigned voice uttered the threats that obliged him to mount the creature which carried him down stairs out of its own mere motion and private judgment The thunder was the ninepin bowl trundled across the room and the lightening was manufactured from a pennyworth of rosin and the end of a candle stuck in a tobaccopipe and blown into the room at proper intervals
by Stamfords man Sams assistant The other embellishments proceeded entirely from the active imaginations of the relators
I DARE say you think it strange that I have wrote two letters without mentioning my marriage that is to be Miss Stamford is a remarkably beautiful girl but was either indisposed during my stay or wants that vivacity that is so particularly engaging in her sex But she has sense and judgment and will do well enough for a wife
MY father still continues his researches We are as mathematical as ever
I remain
Dear OSBORNE
Yours c T MAITLAND
LETTER XV Mr ALWYN to Mr STAMFORD Jun
Dear Sir
MY little anxieties which rose in spite of me every time I recollected the facing of an audience are in a great measure removed I have played and met with more applause than it was possible I could deserve Appearances at first indeed were not so favourable the moment I went upon the stage I was saluted from a corner of the gallery with a piercing hiss It is impossible to describe my feelings when I heard it and had not the greater and the more indulgent part of the spectators immediately overpowered this mark of disapprobation I should certainly have been obliged to retire or have sunk to the floor my trepedation was so great I
felt ten thousand aukwardnesses the moisture departed from my mouth my knees knocked together my lips quivered my throat became parched my heart fluttered and a qualmish sickness seized me What gave me courage sufficient to proceed was the behaviour of a young gentleman of rank and fortune in this place whose name was Westwood Immediately when the hiss began he jumped up from his seat in the pit for we have no boxes here and as soon as he could be heard reproached the dissatisfied aloud in a very spirited and pointed manner and offered ten pounds to any man who would secure the next person that interrupted me then addressing himself to me said
Bravo Mr Alwyn take a little time recollect yourself Sir and let me hear who dares insult you again damn me if I
dont go up and twist the first fellows neck round that attempts it
THIS apostrophe was the best cordial that could be administered My powers returned enough to enable me to make a very respectful bow to the audience and to young Squire Westwood in particular which was answered by the spectators with the loudest marks of approbation three times repeated and I heard several commendations on my person and deportment before the house was quiet sufficiently for me to proceed which gave me great encouragement
I SHOULD perhaps be vain upon the fame I acquired and the plaudits I afterwards received were it possible for me to enjoy pleasure and were I not conscious that a vast deal if not all of these favours may be placed to the account of
goodnature and the patronage of Mr Westwood who is universally beloved After I had finished my part most of the people in the pit left the house and did not stay to see the farce which was played to the gallery Several of the principal gentlemen came behind the scenes and insisted upon my going to supper with them but as they were in different parties that they might not embarrass me and out of respect and gratitude to the behaviour of my young spirited patron they permitted me to go with him each laying me under the injunction of a visit in turn I received likewise an invitation to their assembly on Thursday next at which I perceived my brother comedians were a good deal chagrined for as I have since learnt one of them no longer ago than the last time that they were here was insulted for attempting to join with the gentry in
this amusement and the comedian being a man of spirit had his opponents been as valiant singly as they were conjointly the affair might have been an unhappy one I am not therefore determined at present what measures I shall pursue in this business
I AM informed that the hissing that was heard on my appearance was the effect of a party raised against me by the chicanery and malice of a Mr Truncheon Stentor the person who used to play the character of Romeo previous to my arrival in the company and who they say notwithstanding that he is become old and decrepit is most tenaciously fond of appearing in youthful characters I however do not believe this report but attribute it to the detraction of the actors who I perceive circulate a thousand little mean anecdotes
which place their brethren in ridiculous or unfavourable attitudes Stentor instead of seeming envious attended me during every rehearsal told me the entrances and exits instructed me in several stage manoeuvres that were not only very serviceable but absolutely essential to me stood behind the scenes gave me the greatest encouragement at first and encomiums afterwards in short instead of manifesting the least rancour or illnature afforded me every assistance in his power and was exceedingly pleased with my success I therefore suppose my own embarrassment and aukwardness which perhaps I was too sensible of shewed me to a disadvantage and some who wished to pass for critics hissed more to prove their judgment than out of any malevolence to me to whom it was impossible they should have conceived any
personal disgust and who it is not probable were to be influenced to any such meanness as the supposition contains
I WAS received by the parents of Mr Westwood who were not at the play with an affability that has given me a high idea of their superiority and goodness for indeed I know no title to superiority but what is derived from goodness He is their only child and the reciprocal delight which they afford to each other is very apparent and pleasing they live upon the most friendly terms among the gentry of Kendal several therefore who heard that I supped here came in with the utmost familiarity and behaved to me in such a manner as could not fail to give me pleasure Mr Westwood and some of his friends are great admirers of music After supper we had a little concert in
which I assisted alternately on the violin the flute and as a vocal performer They have no elevated ideas of taste and appeared astonished at the specimens I afforded them Music indeed is so much my delight that if it were possible I should excel in any thing, I believe it would be in that but however great the natural abilities of the people who were present might be yet as they have no opportunities of hearing good performers I do not so much wonder at their surprize It is in vain dear Charles that I endeavour to be chearful I cannot remember the name of happiness without recollecting your sister Maria and Maitland haunt my imagination Tell me Charles will not his wild and excentric temper be very opposite to the mildness of my poor Maria Tell me if you think she can be happy with him I am afraid not
I fear those extravagant sallies into which his ungovernable fancy hurries him will alarm her delicate mind with continual inquietudes Yet why should I fear He must be insensibility itself if he could bear to give such an angel pain Oh my friend how blest beyond all possibility of increase must the man be who calls Maria his But who is he that can say with justice he deserves such a blessing What are riches honours titles or power Can they afford the happiness that may be found in the conversation the smiles the tender attentions of the lovely Maria My only consolation is that I can never merit her I shall never behold him who can Where is there in all the works of nature, an object so perfect as a beauteous female when her passions are in unison with her features Such is Maria
Around the spacious landscape rove
The Naiads haunt the Tritons bed
Search every grot and every grove
Where art and nature beauties shed
Whateer is rich whateer is rare
Whateer is worthiest to be known
Collect from sea and earth and air
From fossil plant or precious stone
While wonders then with wonders vie
And latent miracles dispense
While this attracts the rapturd eye
And that allures the ravishd sense
Attentive while the busy sage
Delighted marks the boundless store
Exulting swells the learned page
With secrets unobservd before
O come in all thy native grace
Maria come and bless the view
And every former beauteous trace
Shall vanish like the morning dew
Adieu my friend H H ALWYN
LETTER XVI Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
MAITLAND and I arrived here on Tuesday night and though I cannot say without any adventures on the road yet without any worth relating in a letter Old Mr Maitland received us with a chearful welcome that prepossessed me in his favour and has walked with me this morning over his farm He is very different from the sort of character I had previously formed in my mind Not at all morose or dogmatical but on the contrary chearful and entertaining his fancy stored with the beauties of the classic writers has shewn itself in the environs of his house It is situated in a vale that
might vie with the celebrated Tempé At some little distance runs a river whose craggy and romantic banks engage the attention while the fossils in its bed afford an endless fund of amusement for the naturalist To the north on a rising hill stands an elegant temple on eight Corinthian columns of variegated marble This is his observatory and is well furnished with instruments by the most capital makers The view from hence is pleasing beyond description Several natural openings in the groves which surround the house discover a variety of prospects each of which has its peculiar beauties and grottoes alcoves with other little edifices dispersed here and there conspire to lull the imagination into a delightful tranquillity
Here could I ever stray while the wrapt mind
Recalls the long lost tale of many a hero
Or many a sage who from the mountain top
Unwearied watches Cynthias silver course
When nightly from the east slow rising she
Illumes the azure heavn with softend light
As we walked together through these pleasant scenes our conversation turned on a variety of subjects but all of the literate kind He was pleased to observe I had a taste for the sciences; and I on the other hand was surprized at the refined judgment he displayed in matters of imagination having expected to find him immersed in mathematical speculations He certainly abstracts too much and expects to attain a state of knowledge beyond what our faculties are capable of The objects of taste says he it must be allowed constitute in themselves the nobler exercises of the soul the philosophy of the passions is worthy the attention of mankind the source the ultimate basis of morality
is of the last consequence to society and well deserves to be enquired into—But we lose ourselves in conjecture instead of seeking for demonstration Would not you smile Mr Stamford at the sage who to explain the motion of a planet should say it proceeded from a motive faculty instead of investigating the respective momenta and directions of the projectile and centripetal forces Is not certainty in the lower steps of science an acquisition more to be prized than the declamations of prejudice or the endless maze of proofs founded on hypothesis Nay rather ought we not first to make ourselves perfect in the rudiments of knowledge, before we pry into the arcana of the more subtle motions of intellectual substances Demonstration is not confined to quantity alone Ideas of the great and beautiful in nature, in sentiment in ethics and
in all the branches of the sentient faculty are as perfect as those of quantity, and their congruity with each other as perceptible By the immediate application of two ideas an axiom may be formed Definitions of terms should be premised and by the intervention of a chain of immediately concordant ideas, we might connect the proposition and consequence Whence demonstration would be accomplished and a man would no more doubt the beauty order or moral fitness of a wellgrounded assertion than the truth of a theorem in Euclid
YOU will perceive the turn of his mind by this specimen The same mode of thinking accompanies him in his other pursuits He is constantly employed in some research either in the intellectual or material world and
his faculty of drawing conclusions from experiments is admirable though it sometimes subjects him to errors of which his son seldom fails to take advantage he being possessed of capital talents for placing every object in the most ludicrous attitude The country people are of opinion that the old gentleman can conjure and say that the little temple on the hill was built nobody knows how but the parish clerk who pretends to be very wise says it was done by geometry all in one night Mr Maitland is too rich to be a wizard but I am informed that an old woman who lives in a hut on the verge of his farm has the reputation of doing all the mischiefs that they are pleased to ascribe to supernatural agents This report is the more confirmed by several visits he has lately
made her doubtless with a view of relieving her necessities
HIS house is of a moderate size and elegantly finished in the modern stile The simplex munditiis is seen in every part of it unless I may except certain apartments which are consecrated to philosophical uses He has a variety of the best apparatus which according to the tenor of his prevailing study is dispersed on stands and tables appropriated for its reception I promise myself much amusement from hence when the weather confines me at home but am too great an admirer of the more obvious phaenomena of nature to stay within when I can enjoy myself in the open air
YOUNG Maitland makes the most of his time in hunting or shooting We see
very little of him except when he has the complaisance to assist at some philosophical research in doing which he is so ingenious at finding means to exercise his risible faculty that I wonder at his fathers patience—A propos of this youth he is no favourite with my father and still less with Maria I am convinced if the intended match takes place, it will be more out of regard to his promise and the steps he has taken in the affair than to any wish he has to proceed
I am Dear Harry yours sincerely C STAMFORD
LETTER XVII Mr WESTWOOD to H HANDFORD Esq
Dear SIR
I RECEIVED your favour of the 14th inst and shall proceed to give you an account of a phaenomenon that has lately appeared here A young fellow is arrived from London to join a brotherhood of players who usually make us a periodical visit at this season
of the year His person is compleat and elegant his voice remarkably sweet and articulate and his deportment that of a perfect gentleman It is impossible to look on him without feeling an immediate prepossession in his favour which increases the more he is seen and heard He played Romeo last Friday evening It was his first appearance yet I never beheld a performance that gave me so much pleasure such pathetic tenderness a voice so sweetly plaintive and amorous attended with an air of so much sincerity that it was imposible for any one who did not feel or had not felt the passion of love to have been so expressive But from what I have observed since I have taken it for granted that he is at this instant under its influence Whether he is or no I am certain all the women in Kendal young or old that have seen him are and the rest soon
will be For there is more gazing after him when he makes his appearance in the street than there was at the last comet No wonder he is master of every accomplishment without any seeming knowledge of superiority
I prevailed on him to sup with me after the play His conversation and behaviour more than confirmed every thing I had conceived in his favour His abilities seem to have no bounds and after supper we furnished him with a fresh opportunity of displaying them by introducing a little concert in which he might be said to be the only performer since he was the only one that was listened to He sung and played and with so much taste passion and expression that every body was amazed as well as delighted I dare say you think I am drawing a very extravagant picture but I can assure you all who have seen
him speak of him as the most agreeable and extraordinary young fellow they have ever known
YOU must understand I had occasion to do him a little service by rising up his champion on the night that he played He is so sensible of this trifling favour that he thinks he cannot enough admire my generosity It was thus Notwithstanding the surprize and pleasure the spectators were under when he came upon the stage at the beauty of his figure there issued from some part of the gallery a loud hiss The effect this had upon him was very extraordinary the blood forsook his cheeks his limbs tottered and his whole frame was thrown visibly into great disorder I was so shocked at their rudeness and injustice that I could not conceal my rage but jumped upon one of the seats in the pit and harangued the mob pretty
much I believe in that kind of language to which they were accustomed and as I am rather a favourite with some of them my declaring on the strangers side soon overturned the party that was formed against him for I am certain that illjudged attack could proceed from no other cause From this time to the end of the play nothing but the loudest marks of applause were heard at every opportunity which were not bestowed upon an ingrate the effect that this encouragement had upon him was visible and the disorder which the ignorance and malice of the dissentients had put him into was a strong proof of his modesty and sensibility
HE received an invitation to our assembly which he has since told me he believes from motives of prudence he must be obliged to decline It seems the
last time the comedians were here and while I was at college one of them who from his behaviour and talents was entitled to respect not supposing it any deviation from the rules of decorum came one evening to the assembly upon which two or three coxcombs led on by Squire Bullhead a contemptible overbearing puppy whom you have heard me speak of finding themselves affronted insisted upon his being turned out of the room Bullhead was the spokesman and coming up to the comedian said in a very insulting manner
Pray friend does strolling actors ever larn to dance
The abruptness of this impudent question for a moment disconcerted the comedian but recollecting himself he answered
Some of them Sir and as easily as some rich country boobies learn insolence
Do you call me booby Sir
—
Why Sir to be
sure I mentioned something about Booby or Bullhead it is not material which I believe they are synonimous
—Nonimus Sir you are a nonimus vagabun and so I desires that you will quit this here room
That I shall without farther ceremony Sir
said the player
and I desire you will do me the favour to follow me
Bullhead either did not or would not understand this intimation but remained amidst the titters and sneers of the company muttering something about teaching such impudent vagabun rascals to trude themselves into the ciety gentlepeople The comedian was not so satisfied but wrote a card the next day requiring Bullhead to meet him and either bring his sword or a case of pistols This paper terrified the fool out of his wits and he ran blubbering with it to his wife She posted away to shew it to her father who is an
acting justice The man of the quorum sent immediately for the manager and threatened to throw him and the whole troop in jail if he did not interfere and prevent this affair from going any farther The comedian at the intercession of his brethren dropt his revenge but not till he had procured a paper signed both by this redoubted Squire and his fatherinlaw the purport of which was a promise not to molest the players nor by any means endeavour to prevent their coming to Kendal as usual A night or two after this affair happened the Beaux Stratagem was played and the audience burst into an uproar of laughter when Scrub says
If our masters in the country receive a challenge the first thing they do is to tell their wives c
and Squire Bullhead became the jest of the town
NOTWITHSTANDING this I hope we shall overcome the scruples of our young Romeo The girls are all dying to see him dance and have protested theyll none of them refuse him for a partner one or two of the Bullhead connection excepted who affect to turn up the nose at this extraordinary complaisance to a player
Adieu dear Sir And believe me sincerely yours G WESTWOOD
LETTER XVIII T STENTOR to J DRUMSHANDRUGH
Friend JAMES
I PROPHESIED what would come to pass I knew well enough how it would be This Alwyn leads the people in a string I foresaw it—Old servants are forgot—I hate such curst ingratitude but I never met with any thing else from the public even in my youth so I must not be surprized at it now I have been their slave long enough for nothing and now I may starve and be damned for what they care—Not but I planned matters pretty well too The youth was staggered He was not used to stand fire and would have given ground at the first discharge if he had not been supported by the
pit I have been tolerably cautious and he has not the least suspicion it was I who directed the battery of hisses that was played off at him though some of my good friends in the company took abundance of pains to persuade him to such a belief—Hes a greenhorn a gull that will dive at a red rag instead of a herring I can do what I will with him for he believes me to be his best friend I would have him continue in that mistake while he continues in this company If I am not deceived I have already found a proper bait for the gudgeon He thinks me so faithful that he will say any thing to me trust me with any thing, except one I cannot get out of him hitherto what he grieves about I observe he is always melancholy loves to be alone and take solitary walks sighs oftener than a weaver at a Methodist sermon
and looks as mournful as a friar on GoodFriday Perhaps he is in love if so Ill find it out
BE that as it may there is a certain lady of this town in love with him She sent for me tother night to bribe me to assist her so you may think she is pretty far gone It seems the youth is shy and the lady impatient Im glad I am called in for since I am to prescribe Ill take care not to neglect my fees She may prove a valuable patient and promises to bleed freely if I can accomplish her design which is to find out who the youngster is in love with for that he is in love she takes for granted and as I hinted Im very much of her opinion She has given me a troublesome task but I have undertaken to perform it and it shall go hard but I will keep my word Nevertheless as there is no knowing what turn affairs may take I have sent my wife off
to join your company and thank you for the trouble you have taken in the matter She will give you this and my best wishes The Kendalians are all running wild after this Alwyn and come in shoals every night he plays They would be d—d before they would come to see a better actor I may play to the benches now the whim has taken them A parcel of senseless sheep that will follow any bellweather if some fool only starts up and bids them admire his bleating He was invited to the assembly and I took great pains to persuade him to go I knew how it would turn out Some among them are affronted and though hes supported in his vanity by a few of what they call the heads of the town Im devilishly cheated if he dont get a rap of the knuckles The party that is displeased talks pretty confidently of his vanity and assurance It was at
the assembly he made the conquest I have mentioned They say he dances to admiration and some are piqued because they thought themselves neglected and him too much admired The fellow is handsome enough and better bred than the boors of this place who notwithstanding fancy themselves great beaus and have as many ridiculous airs as any other petits maitres which with their aukward rusticity are laughable enough
ONE of these sparks a Mr Staple is a lover of the lady who is enamoured of our youngster and I shall take measures to inform him what a dangerous rival he has He was obliged to be out of town the night of the assembly and Alwyn by dancing with his mistress ingratiated himself so far in her favour that the absentee will stand a fair chance to have his congé He is one of those brutal headstrong
animals that are very apt to kick even before they feel the lash and two or three cuts will most likely make him quite resty Let me alone to give them Ill take care they shall sting As for the lady she does not seem one of your timid dames she is a widow a WestIndian with all the fire of the climate in her constitution and appears to have contracted a mighty strong antipathy to bashfulness in men If she can but attain her purpose she does not seem to be troubled with any conscientious scruples about the means —I have provocations enough and materials are not wanting therefore if I dont make him pack up his boxes Ill forswear politics and go into leadingstrings Now I talk of provocations I must tell you that our d—d flybynight rascal of a manager made me descend from Hotspur to Worcester tother evening and because I ventured to remonstrate swore
I should not play another night in the company aye and was mighty positive about the matter too till the young favourite Alwyn inlisted on my side and then the old yelping hound was soon silenced This fellow who because he has had art and roguery enough to scrape together a few tinsel rags and a little daubed canvass is become as impudent and as consequential as a petty constable or a new made justice and much about as wise too He takes upon him to instruct the actors decides dogmatically upon any difficult passage without being able to read it settles the business of the scene without a thought concerning propriety and swells at the recollection of his own sagacity and importance like an alderman saying grace after meat—A blunder of his the other night in the play of Harry the Fourth will give you an idea of his capacity
HIS eldest son Daniel who looks as stupidly goodnatured as a half grown mastiff played Sir Walter Blunt and his fatheaded father personated Douglas The termagant Scot as Falstaff calls him is to kill Sir Walter but when our puddingheaded director entered instead of slaying the knight his son he only stood to receive one thrust from him then tumbled upon the stage like an overfed porpoise gave a belch instead of a groan and pretended to expire It would have done your heart good to have beheld the stupid look of the cub Daniel who knew he ought to have fallen The prompter began to swear the people behind the scenes to laugh and the mother who lisps delightfully hearing an uproar waddled to see what was the matter she found the mistake and clapping her mouth to the side
of the scene began cursing her husband Roger in curious and wellchosen language—Get up says she
Godth cuth your showl you old r•gething rathcul get up dont you know the child ith to die
—You lie you b— says Roger I am to die
Godth cuth your thoul I thay get up the child ith to die Dothnt the child do thir Walter and ith nt Douglath to kill him
—Roger however persisted that he was to die and swore he would not get up After a while the spectators began to smoke the blunder and listen to the curious dialogue that was passing between the dead man and his persecuting wife You may be sure they enjoyed it and the house was presently in an uproar of laughter this rouzed the butterbrained Rogers recollection when finding himself in the wrong box he opened his eyes and after a tolerably
stupid stare which again incited the risibility of the audience assayed to get up But this was a task that he was not able to perform for he was little less than dead drunk so after two or three unsuccessful efforts he cast a maudlin look towards the wing and called in a kind of dismal hollow tone
Moll Moll I cant get up Moll
Godth cuth your old rogethin rathculs thoul
answered Moll
Then lie there till the day of resurrection for what I care
Moll Moll—do send the Prompter on and let him give Dan a lift with me
Godth cuth your thoul Ill crack your thkul I will
replied Moll irritated at the shouts that were heard through the house—The prompter however went on and Dan and he once more set him on his feet after which another battle ensued between Douglas and Sir Walter to the great diversion of the beholders
and Dan was slain amidst the clamour and acclamations of canes hands heels and voices
AS Mrs Stentor is but a very indifferent scribe and not the best reader in Europe I must beg of you to take the trouble of assisting her and sometimes writing for her in the correspondence which it may be necessary for her to hold with me and place it on the debtor page to the account of friendship In return she perhaps may be able to do some little matters for you any thing that she is able I know her too well to doubt of her being willing for notwithstanding that she has her whims and freaks as what woman is without them she has been a good wife to me and lent me many a lift She will be with you at the beginning of the week
Yours T STENTOR
LETTER XIX Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
I HEAR with great pleasure though without surprize of the favourable reception you met with at Kendal and hope that you will pass your time very agreeably during the stay of the company at that place The party formed against you on your first appearance for a party it certainly was gives me some concern as I apprehend that the little malice of your rivals is capable of affording you more real uneasiness than misfortunes of a much more consequential stamp Fortitude can bear up against the latter but petty
insults and mean cowardly injuries are too often able to ruffle and sour the best turned disposition Pray let me have the satisfaction of hearing that I am mistaken and that you laugh at the mean tricks of your enemies
THIS solitary retreat affords very little matter for a letter unless I was to relate my excursions which though without variety of adventure are to me exquisitely pleasing In these delightful scenes I indulge the flow of fancy which the solemnity and stillness of the groves tend greatly to promote
Here melancholy give me oft to rove
And oft on ancient times the thought employ
Here let me every pensive pleasure prove
And far exclude each false each glaring joy
Ah what avails the strong the patient mind
That wooes coy science thro the silent night
The sages noble thirst ah why refind
In vain he toils to reach the envyd height
What boots it tho with patriot virtue fraught
The genrous hero for his country dies
He gives a life for those not worth a thought
And on the crimson field neglected lies
Were it not better in the secret shade
By fancy wrapt on shadowy scenes to dwell
To wander musing thro the sylvan glade
Or sleep secure within the bushy dell
In simple guise are natures wants supplyd
By many a plant the pale Recluse is fed
The chrystal stream will purest drink provide
And lonely caves afford the mossy bed
O grant ye powrs the cool the peaceful grot
Where waving cyprus sheds a solemn gloom
There let me live unknown—By all forgot
Till weary age conducts me to the tomb
Thus sung the Muse by discontent inspird
Whose sickening presence tingd the groves around
False woes she sung with indignation fird
And for each virtue still an evil found
When lo Aglaia heavnborn smiling maid
Serenely chearful filld the ravished sight
In waving robes of radiant hue arrayd
And shone in all the majesty of light
Virtue said she nor haunts the gloomy cell
Nor joyless seeks the dark Cimmerian wood
Tis not for man in solitude to dwell
To brood oer woes or nurse the pensive mood
The smiles of plenty beam on natures face
The shady alder props the burthend vine
For thee they bloom for thee the featherd race
In chearing song their various notes combine
Man selfish man the object of thy scorn
Behold for thee his toil prepares the feast
His culture twas that did these groves adorn
For thee far hence he chasd the savage beast
The hero dies—But not for sordid hire
His soul aethereal asks a better meed
A social motive feeds his genrous fire
Nor love of fame alone that makes him bleed
Whence did bold Curtius snatch the noble flame
That low in earth immersd the glorious youth
Was it to purchase after death a name
Bestowed by chance more frequent than by truth
Say did firm Regulus severely great
Acquire his virtues in the hermitage
Or was that resolution fixd as fate
Gaind from the precepts of some cloisterd sage
No—these the hermit knows not taught to dose
In torpid apathy his useless hours
He truly selfish seeks his own repose
In lonely caves and dark sequesterd bowrs
Had all men passd their lives in sloth recluse
We neer had heard the poets raptured verse
Silent had been the great Miltonian muse
And Shakespear neer had rivald natures force
Newton had never traced the comets round
Nor eer the varied threads of light unwove
The force aërial Boyle had never found
Nor Franklin seizd unharmd the bolt of Jove
Twas not in indolence supine retird
These greatly daring scannd the azure dome
Their godlike minds with vast ambition fird
Longd to anticipate their future home
Cease then of visionary bliss to dream
Let superstition seek the darkend cave
The midnight cell or slowlywinding stream
Where shadowing cyprus boughs funereal wave
While swelld with every social thought the mind
Public with private good delighted blends
With glad expansion seeks the bliss refind
And like the sun its influence extends
I MAKE no apology for inserting such a length of verse in a familiar epistle I think I have a sufficient one
when I acquaint you that this retirement affords few ideas but those of poetry and science I seem to be scarce an inhabitant of this world—or at least I fancy myself on the verge of another The past scenes of hurry and business strike my imagination as feebly as a dream and those speculations which the bulk of mankind regard as visionary appear to me in my present disposition the only things that have reality Sometimes with Mr Maitland I visit the planetary regions and admire the conjectures which his creative fancy makes of their uses or inhabitants From thence according to the enlarged idea of those great men who in a less enlightened age would have been deified I grasp in thought the amazing number of systems that fill the immensity of space, and lose myself in the grandeur of the conception.
The vast field of natural philosophy is a constant source of amusement which in these silent vales wears an aspect not dry and scientific but sublimely pleasing
BUT such elevations bear the mind so much beyond its natural pitch that it is impossible they should be continual Relaxation is necessary and in that relaxation I spend most of my time
Hic gelidi fontes hic mollia prata Lycori
Hic nemus hic ipso tecum consumerer Evo
Adieu C STAMFORD
LETTER XX Mr ALWYN to Mr STAMFORD Jun
Dear SIR
I HAVE had several adventures since my last to you which without any apology I shall take the liberty to relate from a supposition that as heretofore they will not be disagreeable to you having always observed with pleasure the part your passions took in the most trifling events when they any way influenced the affairs of those for whom you professed an esteem
I THEN informed you of the invitation I had received to go to the assembly I must now tell you of my weakness in suffering their persuasions to overcome
the resolution I had made not to comply with this invitation I believe I do wrong to ascribe it all to the force of persuasion The human heart has its foibles mine has however which I cannot always conquer I ascribed the remonstrances of my brother comedians to their little jealousies at the preference which had been given me this preference was flattering and though I endeavoured to combat that selfish idea yet it triumphed even while I despised it Not that I think any servile respect is due from the comedians to the inhabitants the case is the laws have unjustly empowered the daemon of persecution to assault the profession of a player Narrowminded people have taken advantage of this injustice and placed the professors at a distance which ignorance and arrogance at all times suppose they have a right to preserve
and the want of principle and abilities in the player too frequently justifies this usurpation The most uncultivated among the comedians get habitually and from the mere repetition of their parts refined notions which are several degrees beyond the sphere of the lower orders of the people with whom they are obliged either to associate or to seek the society of the dissolute and abandoned among the higher the respectable part of whom are stigmatized with want of decorum if they are known to hold any converse with men whom the law calls vagabonds Though this is a kind of life to which I already perceive I should by no means give the preference except as at present from motives of convenience yet my residence among these frequently unfortunate sons of the muses interests me greatly in their behalf and I have reason to hope from
that philosophical liberality of sentiment which prevails and so nobly dignifies the present age to see the time when none shall have the power and few the inclination to oppress those people who under proper regulations would be our best moral teachers
I DISCOVERED an additional proof of my weakness the instant I entered the assemblyroom It is necessary for every one in such a place to wear a face of mirth on the contrary my heart reproached me There is a delicacy in the sensations of a pure and respectful love to which the light sports of a mind not under its influence is often disgusting When I heard the sprightly notes of the pipe and tabor my feelings revolted against such quick vibrations and I felt an unconquerable inclination towards the penseroso I had consented to
go upon no other terms but those of forbearing to dance if I chose so to do Mr Westwood therefore who introduced me had not provided me a partner lest she should be disappointed As my evil genius ordained there was a lady whose partner had by some accident been detained and who could not dance for want of one I not knowing her motive for sitting still had entered into a slight conversation with her which had not continued long before the master of the ceremonies supposing probably I had an inclination to dance came and presented her hand to me and the lady not expressing any reluctance I could not be so unmannerly as to refuse though I believe I accepted the compliment with such an awkward and absent air that she must certainly perceive it The minuets were not over we were called forth and the lady though
not the youngest in the room moved gracefully enough and acquired a share of admiration equal to those who had gone before I perceived she was not entirely satisfied with my languor and made several goodnatured efforts to inspire me for indeed a heavy partner in dancing is a dull companion but they were ineffectual I was wandering through the haunts of Maria was discoursing with her gazing at her sighing for her and all the fiddles in England could not persuade me to leave such delightful company The ladys name who did me this honour is Vincent she is a widow a native of the West Indies and almost as great a stranger here as I am she is very handsome has an easy air a good shape and appears to be about thirty
DO not laugh dear Charles nor think me vain for what I am going to say I wish it were otherwise but in spite of my ennui I had the misfortune to please Mrs Vincent There is no danger to the ladys character from saying this to you and the remembrance of one whom I shall never forget reproaches me for suffering her passion although it is a thing out of my power to prevent except by a precipitate flight which I shall certainly make if I hear any more upon this theme After all it is an aukward situation for a man to whom love is tenderly and forcibly declared It seems exceedingly unnatural for him and almost shameful to reject the advances of a fine woman I believe it impossible except where as in my case the affections are totally preengaged for this reason when I have read the story of the young Israelite and the amorous Egyptian
I have been apt to conclude that beside the sin of ingratitude to his master which doubtless has great influence over a virtuous mind yet considering the force of the temptation which was almost too much for nature to support Joseph had certainly a mistress of whom he was enamoured
YOUNG Westwood appeared somewhat chagrined about my dancing though he endeavoured to hide it He told me that had I not professed a desire little short of a resolution not to partake of the amusement he would have provided me another partner
THE report that Mr Stentor was the person who was principally concerned in the opposition I met with on my first appearance was I am fully convinced without foundation His
partiality and attachment to me are evident and I find myself greatly in arrear to him for the attention he pays to my interests by every assiduity in his power I perceive the sneers of the other members of the company when he does me any little kindness and understand their sarcasms which imply that he has a farther design than is apparent but as he has no point to gain the supposition besides its malignancy is ridiculous I see no reason that we have to construe a friendly desire to please into officiousness and we all find in some degree a satisfaction in being loved and respected even though the object is beneath any claim of reciprocal affection But this is not Mr Stentors case his understanding though clouded and embarrassed by a life of poverty is much above the level his temper is tractable and his
address insinuating not it is true without a small proportion of flattery and has at times the aspect of cringing but the first he corrects where he finds it displeasing and the latter is not to be wondered at when we consider the state of dependence in which he has constantly lived
I CAME here for country air and the improvement of my health but I fear I shall never become the rival of old Parr none of my waistcoats get too tight for me My cheeks improve rather in length than breadth and though the colour has not entirely forsook them yet it seems like an ambassador on the eve of a war in hourly expectation of departing I ought to beg pardon for speaking with so much levity upon a subject which though my situation renders it a light one to me yet is one
that your goodness and prejudice in my favour have made interesting on your part But forgive me suffer the smile of resignation and melancholy to sometimes steal a visit Yes Charles I will own life has no charms without Maria Death opens a friendly door for a harrassed fugitive and welcomes him to the mansion of repose Why then should I dread to enter Even Maria the lovely Maria whom all hearts doat on all eyes adore must soon take refuge there What is an hour a year a century They are all equal and Socrates and Shakespear are now no longer the conscious vehicles of wisdom and delight Where is the difference between a moment and a million of ages if the cold hand of death must at last put out the lamp Nothing but Maria could bribe me to wish for life and death as Dryden says
Is but a black veil covering a beauteous face
Feard afar off by erring nature tho
But a harmless lambent fire—
GOD bless you all I am going with this letter to the postoffice and then to take my usual solitary walk among the wilds of Westmoreland where pomp and luxury never yet had residence There is such a mixture of the grand terrible and beautiful and in so rich a style among these vales and mountains that I sometimes imagine I behold the spirit of Salvator Rosa sitting on a rock and contemplating the wonders of the scene—Shakespear is you know my favourite poet and I never read him with more enthusiasm than in this place the scenery is so suitable to the elevation and grandeur of the subject that it seems enchantment and produces every possible
effect—I have played Hamlet and am shortly to appear in Macbeth c c c Adieu
H H ALWYN
LETTER XXI Mr STENTOR to his WIFE
My DEAR
I AM much obliged to my friend Drumshandrugh for informing me of your arrival I told you it would be Tuesday night before you could get there but you always would be positive
MRS Vincent is as violent as ever and meets no obstruction capable of impeding her career She has had another tender scene with Monsieur Alwyn but he is made of strange metal no penetrable stuff according to her account He expresses himself differently
and fairly owns that if it had not been for a lucky interruption he is fearful his passions would have vanquished his resolution But he has escaped and seems determined to avoid from what he calls a consciousness of weakness such melting interviews for the future Though I cant help laughing at his stupidity I encourage his virtuous whims because they answer my purposes every way He wrote the next morning to the dying lady who has shewn me his billet It is a mighty genteel one full of compliments on her person and accomplishments but concludes with informing her that his affections are unalterably fixed and that he is fully resolved to quit Kendal the moment he hears any thing more about an affair which were he to pursue would sink him even beneath contempt Mrs Vincent
finding what she suspected was true videlicet that he is in love with another sent for me to consult upon the means of discovering who this other could be and we could hit upon none but that of purloining his pocketbook in which he keeps his letters and which I have often observed tossed in a careless unsuspecting manner among his things I pretended to start at an action like this and stated the ingratitude and almost impossibility of it though I believe it to be easy enough nor did I seem much more flexible when she mentioned a gratuity of ten guineas but when she afterwards came up to twenty I found my virtue mollified and pity pleading strongly in her behalf Accordingly upon the aforesaid conditions I have engaged to make the attempt and you may be assured I shall not fail to magnify the difficulty
of the task I do not for my part yet foresee what advantage it will be to her if she should make the discovery but she is a bold designer and revolves vast projects in her head—She desired to see my writing and after comparing it with Alwyns asked me if I thought I could not imitate his hand You cant help remembering what a devilish situation I brought myself into the last time I practised this manoeuvre and to tell you the truth I have been plaguily startled at the recollection ever since Not that this ought to have too much weight with me for it is a trick that I have frequently practised before and with remarkable success I dont yet know her intention however I shall consider circumstances with some cautition in this case and take my measures accordingly
Adieu T STENTOR
LETTER XXII Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
YOURS of the 24th was brought by the servant who conveyed my last to the postoffice Not having at that time any thing to communicate relating to my sister or the intended marriage I was silent on that point She and my father arrived here last Thursday he in good health but poor Maria very much altered The physicians have advised the country air and my father intends to leave her for some time as business requires his presence in town next week Her disorder it is feared will terminate in a consumption Tis of the mind, and medicine vainly attempts
to relieve while the source of discontent remains A calm languor a settled melancholy has overspread her features and I am too well convinced will shortly convey her to the last state of repose if means be not found to prevent a union to which she is so averse
INTIMATE as our friendship has ever been I am apprehensive of shocking her delicacy if I should press her to a discovery of her passion but I am resolved to communicate my sentiments on this subject to my father who can with much more propriety enquire into the state of her mind His tenderness can surely never bear to see her miserable but will rather favour her inclinations when fixed on so truly estimable a character as that of my dear friend
Wednesday Night
THIS morning Mr Maitland being deeply engaged in his studies Maria very ill and Tom Maitland gone a shooting my father and I were left to entertain ourselves for which purpose we walked out together in one of the adjoining woods I had predetermined to reason with him on the subject of Marias illness but he prevented me by introducing it himself
MY friend Maitland and I said he have long pleased ourselves with the hope of one day seeing our families united in Maria and his son But I now begin to be apprehensive that heaven has decreed otherwise Our inclinations are not always in our power The cool voice of reason may put a negative on the motions of passion if not applied to
too late but the will cannot cause an inclination where passion is absent Maria if I can judge dislikes Tom Maitland I do not wonder at it for I must confess that the more I see of him the less reason I find to admire him The levity of his mind which does not seem so much the effect of youth as of emptiness his disregard of every thing serious and that want of delicacy which appears in his ideas of domestic pleasures make me suspect him to be a libertine which if true would be enough to make me break off the treaty even if Maria was as strongly prejudiced in his favour as I believe she is against him But whether that be true or not it is sufficient that he is a person with whom my child can never be happy and in consequence I have resolved to defer their marriage till further circumstances shall either confirm or refute my
suspicions of his real character and the state of Marias mind whose filial obedience I shall never take advantage of to make her unhappy
I ENTIRELY approved of his sentiments and resolution which I impart to you that you may share the satisfaction I find in the event I assure you I receive no small pleasure in anticipating the time that will make you both happy for such a time I am persuaded will come and that I am pleased at the thoughts of the joy the perusal of this will give you
I CONGRATULATE you on the conquest you made at the assembly which to any but you would afford either a ground for vanity or a prospect of interest But you are above either
of these and I hope notwithstanding all obstacles to see the constancy of your love rewarded I remain
My dear Alwyn
Your real friend C STAMFORD
LETTER XXIII Miss STAMFORD to Miss GOWLAND
My dear JULIA
MY papa and I arrived here last night Ever since we parted my health has been on the decline I am much altered since I had the pleasure of your company in town A listless dejection which I am incapable of overcoming has entirely sunk my spirits and makes every amusement tedious and disgusting Even music affords me no pleasure and my only consolation is that a very short time will put an end to my sufferings I am constantly haunted with the idea of Alwyn whom my fancy represents as pining with hopeless love Alas perhaps I flatter
myself and the remembrance of Maria is long since blotted from his mind I know your friendship will make you pity and not blame my hapless infatuation—And sure to die is an atonement sufficient for my imprudence
MY papa will come to town next week He leaves me here for the benefit of the air as well as for the promotion of that union I tremble but to think of Young Mr Maitland is here but does not much trouble me with his company I believe he thinks it is disagreeable and I am willing he should if that would tend to prevent our marriage My dear brother is always with me If I walk out he accompanies me and by the happy turn of his mind makes these woods and lawns appear to the greatest advantage If I am confined to my chamber he is continually
there and by the tenderness of his behaviour gives me every day additional reasons to esteem him I see he wishes me to communicate to him the cause of my disquiet but forbears to ask lest it should make me uneasy And why should I not repose the secret in his faithful bosom I never had till new a thought that I did not share with him He is all mildness and I am sure would rather soothe than chide me—Adieu my dear for the present I am quite tired and will finish this in the afternoon
Five oclock in the evening
I WALKED out after dinner with my brother who seemed so particularly thoughtful that I could not help enquiring the reason You my dear Maria replied he are the cause of my
uneasiness I cannot bear to see you consuming with secret grief Is it the approaching change of life you fear Is Maitland disagreeable to you If so I am sure my father will never constrain your inclinations Is it love If it is I wish to know the secret only for your advantage if I cannot relieve your anxiety at least permit me to share it He spoke this with such a tender earnestness and my heart was already so full that I could no longer contain myself but burst into tears My dear sister said he leading me to an alcove compose yourself Unbosom your griefs and rely on me as your sincere friend there is nothing I shall not be happy to do to restore your peace When I had a little recovered from the agitation into which his address had thrown me I acquainted him without reserve with my love for Alwyn He told me
he had long since observed it and was not without hope that a future time would give Mr Alwyn those advantages his merit deserves but that for the present he could in confidence assure me that my papa was averse to making Mr Maitland his soninlaw and had resolved to break off the treaty the first opportunity
MY joy at this agreeable intelligence was excessive I thanked him for it with an emotion that evinced how pleasing it was to me while he enjoyed that pleasure which a generous and sympathetic heart receives from an occasion of exercising its benevolence
THE remainder of our walk was consumed in discourse about Mr Alwyn concerning whom he told me
strange things He is not at his mothers as we always understood he was—But I will relate these matters some other opportunity I find myself much recovered in spirits since the morning I seem to myself as if just awakened from a long dream and already begin to enjoy the beauties of this enchanting retirement
OLD Mr Maitland has a number of particularities but is notwithstanding a very good man I shall have a thousand things to tell you about him when I see you I am
My dear Julia
Yours affectionately MARIA STAMFORD
LETTER XXIV Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
Dear HARRY
I HAVE not mentioned my suspicions of Marias regard for you to my father his disinclination to the present match having rendered it unnecessary Besides I was apprehensive of the consequences which there is no foreseeing in an instance of this critical nature But I have other news to acquaint you with that will I am convinced afford you much pleasure Our friendship and the high opinion I have ever entertained of your honour makes me tell you without scruple that Maria loves you and has confessed it No longer able to see her pining with secret anguish I pressed her to disclose the secrets of her bosom She has owned her love
and the apprehensions she was under from the present treaty I could not disapprove of a passion which I have always wished to see crowned with success but on the contrary informed her that her father was really averse to concluding the business with Mr Maitland and would take the first opportunity of breaking it off with honour This assurance has had a happy effect she has already began to recover her spirits and is quite another person compared to what she was a day or two ago
THE gloomy appearance of affairs begins to clear up Heaven that sees your mutual worth will not suffer it to languish without success I am elated with the hopes of calling my Alwyn by the endearing name of brother and of seeing my sister in the possession of him whom of all men I most esteem My
next letter will I doubt not contain more certain information and in the mean time I must assure you that no circumstance can place you higher in the estimation of
Your sincere friend STAMFORD
LETTER XXV Mr STAMFORD Sen to Mr SELDON
Dear SIR
I THOUGHT to have had the pleasure of seeing you in town previous to my setting out for this place but my daughters health which was daily declining obliged me to hasten my departure I shall be with you in a few days as Maria already begins to improve and in the mean time if you should be inclined to adventure with me in the way I mentioned in my last our clerk Mr Simpson has instructions to do the needful on my part
THE connection I was desirous of completing between the son of our old
friend Maitland and my Maria does not bid fair to produce those good effects I hoped would arise from it The young man has many foibles and I fear faults all which are of that •omplexion that do not seem likely to wear off with time He has been at college where if I can judge he employed his time▪ more in distinguishing himself among the bucks of that place than in acquiring useful knowledge and he seems to think that the greatest merit consists in singularity and the power of raising a laugh In short he is a very empty young fellow and the more he is known the less he is esteemed Maria does not like him at all and as I am resolved not to force her inclinations I intend to decline forwarding the business though I must own it gives me much concern especially when I think how
much my good friend Maitland will be hurt by it
MY son is well and seems delighted with this pleasant country He makes his respects to you And I remain
Dear Sir
Your most obedient Friend and Servant J STAMFORD
LETTER XXVI Mr STENTOR to his WIFE
My DEAR
I HAVE a budget of news for you The pocketbook has been rifled and we have made the fatal discovery I did it mighty neatly I watched our youngsters time for his long walk which is customary with him every day then went up to his room on pretence of looking for him but with intent to see if he had left his cabinet of secrets behind him I mean his pocketbook and had the good fortune to find it
I RAN with my prize to my employer and she read while I wrote extracts and memorandums We were so expeditious
that I had replaced the book before the youth returned and I believe so carefully disposed the papers that it is not probable he should have any suspicion It was exceedingly lucky for I had gone several times before when he was out and could not find it I am of opinion that he usually takes it with him for it is an observation made by several in the town that he is often seen musing in the fields over letters and papers and the purport of what we have read confirms the conjecture
IT appears he is in love with his masters daughter with whose brother he holds a correspondence He has retired hither without the knowledge of his master who believes him to be with a relation for the recovery of his health These particulars known Mrs Vincent resolved to strike a bold stroke and inform
Mr Stamford Alwnys master of his love but lest that should rather retard than forward her scheme as from the milky temper of the old gentleman there is no knowing what turn the affair might take she has accused him of infidelity to the young lady and love to her and as there was no way so positive as that of shewing it under Alwyns own hand she has bribed me rather unwillingly I confess to write a counterfeit loveletter as coming from Alwyn to her It is done in a bold stile and as she has managed the affair cannot fail of producing the desired effect which is to break off all connections between the Stamford family and Alwyn for the future
SHE has wrote an anonymous letter to old Stamford and enclosed the counterfeit loveletter which is so happy an
imitation that Alwyn himself would not by the writing disown it for his You will hardly suppose it was compunction for the youth that made me averse to the task my own personal security was the only motive of any weight with me and this kicked the beam when put in the scales of interest I am now the proprietor of sixty guineas a sum that the frowns of that presecuting bawd Fortunè who procures only for idiots has taught me to look up to with as much wonder as an ignorant sailor would at a gilt pagoda Some people perhaps who are gravely lolling at their ease would preach to me about conscience though at the same time if I wanted a morsel of bread would have the conscience to eat their dinner with a good appetite and let me starve The world has continually assaulted me and I have a right to make reprisals all men that I
have ever heard of agree that selfpreservation precedes every other consideration it does however with me This Alwyn came here and deprived me of my bread at least of my fame and must I be the pimp to his triumph let him look to himself he is mistaken in his man if he imagines me so foolishly tame
I HAVE another rod in pickle for him I told you I would take measures to inform Mr Staple the lover of Mrs Vincent what a rapid progress the youth has made in the affections of his mistress I have accomplished this business and it has had that kind of effect which I supposed Staple is bent upon mischief and revenge but he is none of your foolish hotheaded blockheads who because they have received an injury seek satisfaction in what is ridiculously called an honourable
way He is aware that the armour of honour was never yet found to be bulletproof He therefore goes me a wiser way to work and hires me two or three stout fellows who are to bestow the knout or the bastinado or some equally mild discipline upon him nay perhaps proceed a little farther if there should seem a necessity for such a procedure My emissary who tells me all this is to be an assistant and Ward the Town Bully who you know is the terror of the Kendalians the captain of the Blackguards and the leading man at elections is another They are to be reinforced by Staple and their plan is to hide themselves among the rocks where he usually resorts one of them is to be upon the scout and give notice of his arrival they are then to steal upon him unawares knock him down if he makes any resistance bind him and punish
him as their leader shall direct They are provided with disguises and intend to leave him bound after they have broken a few of his bones I hope there will be no murder because I confess that would be carrying even my revenge too far Not that I would have them tender upon the subject If he keeps his bed three weeks or a month he will find we shall be able to play without him and our booby of a manager will be obliged then to come capinhand once more to me
I CAN never mention this last fool without recollecting some of his absurdities He wants to have Shylock the Jew in the Merchant of Venice spoken in the dialect of Dukesplace and swears Shakspur intended it so He is seldom perfect enough in his part to be able to repeat two lines together
without the assistance of the prompter and when he blunders always lays the blame upon others
YOU know what a happy knack he has at mutilating The other night instead of angels he wanted anglers to visit his Cordelias dreams
HE told the duke in Othello a messenger was arrived from the gallows instead of the gallies
AGAIN instead of saying to Posthumus in Cymbeline
Thou basest thing avoid hence from my sight
—He came spluttering on and bawled out
Thou bass string hence in a fright
HE seemed in an excellent mood in this play for discovering his talent
for when he should have said to Cloten
Attend you here the door of our stern daughter
he asked
Attend you here our daughters stern door
—But this to you who are so well acquainted with the booby is superfluous—Adieu
T STENTOR
LETTER XXVII Mrs VINCENT to Mr STAMFORD Sen
SIR
THOUGH I have not the honour of a personal acquaintance with you yet as I have from many circumstances reason to think highly of your character I deem it a duty incumbent upon me to inform you how much your reputation is injured by one whom if I am not deceived it ill becomes to speak with disrespect of any part of your family
THE person alluded to is Mr Alwyn who boasts of connexions and interests with your children particularly your daughter which even if true
are of that nature which neither prudence nor gratitude admit of revealing His ingratitude is indeed too apparent and though want of prudence is almost venial in youth yet when it affects the peace and reputation of families the person who from motives of concern shall warn the unsuspecting of their danger will act consistently to those ties which ought to regulate society
I HAVE an additional reason for my conduct Being a party concerned I think myself insulted by the folly and vanity of this young man
THAT you may not suspect me of having any private pique any sinister design or mean resentment to gratify I have sent sufficient proof of the charge I make The enclosed letter addressed
to me under his own hand is an irrefragable witness His ingratitude in offering to expose the letters of his friend your son for which he had no reason but to convince me that your daughter was as he termed it dying for him put me beyond all patience Not that I am surprized at the young ladys partiality in his favour he has many specious qualities and art enough to ensnare the affections of an inexperienced heart especially one whose own rectitude will not let it mistrust the sincerity of others Before I was aware of his character or intentions I suffered him to visit at my house in consequence of the protection his plausibility had gained him among the young gentlemen of Kendal and supposing him from what observations a first or second interview had furnished me with deserving of better fortune than his connexion with a
company of travelling players could afford I am sorry since by his own account you have an interest in his welfare that I was so soon obliged to alter my opinion Indeed I did not imagine that because I treated him with respect he would therefore declare himself my lover nor when I found him so audacious that he would by such ungenerous means as those of pretending to sacrifice another and perhaps far more deserving lady to me endeavour to recommend himself to my favour
I DO not mean to write a dissertation upon his conduct but as I have from what I deem proper motives undertaken to inform you of it I thought it necessary to give my reasons for so doing His letter will best direct your feelings and a consciousness of having discharged my duty will satisfy mine
I SHOULD have subscribed my name but that I think it a disgrace to have any future knowledge of such an affair and would avoid all transactions of every kind hereafter with Mr Alwyn neither is there any necessity where the circumstances are so full and obvious For the same reason I have erased the superscription from the enclosed letter—I am Sir as I would wish to be till a more eligible opportunity offers your unknown but respectful humble servant
LETTER XXVIII To Mrs —
Dear MADAM
WHY will you suffer the humblest the most sincere of your adorers to languish in despair The repulse you last night gave my ardent and ungovernable passion has almost deprived me of reason. Why too cruel fair do you delight in the misery of your faithful slave Yet why do I complain Had I ten thousand lives I would surrender them in obedience to your commands Suffer me to hope for an abatement of your rigour
IS it possible that my passion can be a matter of surprize to you To
you who are formed to inspire the most ardent love Can you reproach me with baseness in sacrificing another to the influence of your matchless charms Is not your irresistible beauty an excuse for a breach even of the most solemn engagements Ah cease angelic creature to blame me for the effects of a passion that is too strong for opposition
I CONFESS I was once slightly enamoured with a girl but never knew the force of love till I beheld your unrivalld perfections She was the gentlemans daughter with whom I resided in London but she was forward and I was foolish It was a silly affair that I was apprehensive might become too serious for which reason I pretended that my health was declining and made that excuse to avoid a persecution from
the poor thing who I found expected me to tie an Hymeneal knot with her to which till this instant I have ever had the utmost aversion
IT is no wonder that I now feel myself all love all constancy all ecstacy and truth Who can think of another that looks upon you
TO convince you of my sincerity I will shew you this evening extracts or whole letters if you please from the brother of the above lady from which it will appear how easily I might succeed were fortune the only object of my pursuit Do but look with pity on my passion and I will instantly let this brother know how much he is mistaken when he fancies I love his sister which I should have done long ago but for some prudential reasons
I AM unhappy till I hear my doom from your dear lips and surely if they pronounce it I cannot doubt its kindness They were formed for pleasure and cannot twice give pain
THE bearer of this is my friend and of approved fidelity By him I hope to receive your permission to cast myself at your feet and to prove how entirely I am
Your most humble and sincere adorer H H ALWYN
LETTER XXIX Mr ALWYN to Mr HILKIRK
Dear HILKIRK
NOTWITHSTANDING the depression of spirits which I labour under an adventure has happened to me which has surprized me so much that I find an impulse strong enough to make me thus soon resume my pen and send you an account of it
THE romantic scenes which are so numerous in this country being exceedingly delightful and in unison with that kind of temper which I more particularly at present possess it had become customary with me to ramble
among them usually every day This I find has been taken notice of
WANDERING this morning by the side of a rivulet my accustomed haunt that washes a thousand rocky fragments and is kept in almost perpetual agitation by the obstruction it meets with I observed a natural cave in a rock upon its bank which had a winding narrow entrance The warmth of the day the gloom of the cavern and my inclination for repose all invited me to rest and I sat down in it Appearances made me conjecture this had heretofore been the silent retreat of some one who like me was devoted to melancholy In the spot that fronted it the bed of the brook was deep and its waters unruffled within was a seat upon the shelving of the rock a little worn where one might recline unseen and
listen to the warblings of the inhabitants of the lonely valley The light through several cavities just found sufficient entrance to enable me to read the roof permitted me to sit or stand upright and I began to regret that I had not sooner discovered a place so consonant to my taste
I HAD amused myself here for some time when I heard the voices of men and as I had no desire to be seen I sat still supposing they would soon be past They approached nearer and their language became distinct Judge of my surprize when I found myself the subject of the following conversation
DAMN him Ill be the death of him—Ill murder him
WHOY if we murder him hell
be sure never to foind us out dead men you know tell no tales
NO no Ill ha no consarn in murder noather Yow say he has affronted you and if yow want to be even with him by giving him a good sound beating why so Ill lend you a hond an I think hell scarce be an overmatch for us aw three
AW three dom thee for a coward whoy I mysel would spin him tween my finger and thum loike a twopenny top An I suppooas if we were to give him two or three hard knucks that should chance to do his business thou ast sich a queeazy conscience thoudst peach
NO—dom the liars—But howsomdever I doant ought to be consarnd in his death cause he gum me a
guinea to pay my quarters rent and boy my woife a pare ashoon tother day and which thou knowst thou holp me spend cause my landlord here promised to forgee me thrent and sumat beside for this job
AYE aye—Ill forgive thee thrent provided thou dost not spare his bones for by — Ill scarce leave life in him—Ill teach him to come to assemblies and dance with other folks mistresses an make love out of playbooks damn him Ill noint his carcase
AS soon as we see him cumin well put creeap oer our feaces and hoide till we can fall on him and then if we think he kens us weest coot his tongue out to mar his telling who hurt him
HIS tongue what matters his tongue he can write can he not—Ill warrant he can write loveletters— Make an end of him damn him make an end of him—Id stick my knife to his heart for a farthing Id kill him with a better heart than ever a butcher killd a calf
FROM two or three circumstances in their discourse it was that I discovered myself to be the subject of it I looked through an aperture of the rock and perceived they were armed with short bludgeons which I suppose they had precaution enough to hide under their coats while they thought there was any danger of being seen and considering the intentions and strength of the enemy I concluded myself happy in being thus secreted from their sight This however was no security they
were acquainted with the place and one of them perceiving somebody coming along the winding of the valley which they supposed to be me they proceeded to enter the cave What added to the horror of my situation was that their leader being intent upon an evil action and subject I suppose to a thousand apprehensions drew a large knife and was the first that approached the cavern
THE moment I beheld my enemy advancing my anger at the perfidious manner in which he sought revenge for a supposed injury of which I was innocent added to the abhorrence of being murdered made me forget all fear and darting from my seat I seized the knife and with one effort laid him at my feet The guilt of his conscience and my unexpected appearance and assault terrified him so much that instead of
giving any proofs of ferocity he roared for mercy in the most abject manner
I DID not stay any longer with him but snatching his club attacked his associates and by a successful blow levelled one of them with the earth The more desperate talker and him who was so ready to accuse the other of cowardice took to his heels He did not escape thus I sprang over the fallen assassin and pursued him and his foot tripping I caught him almost instantly He rose and endeavoured to make some resistance but I had the good fortune to prove victorious
I HAD scarce made this conquest when I perceived young Mr Westwood with his fishing rod who seeing me thus engaged
ran immediately to my assistance I desired him to guard this ruffian while I went to secure Mr Staple the leader of this glorious enterprize the other associate I perceived had fled out of my reach and has not been heard of since
AS I came to the cavern I heard Staple groan shockingly I therefore desired Mr Westwood to come up and assist me in bringing him from the mouth of the cave he being just in that part of it where there was not light enough to discover in what condition he was accordingly having bound the other with a rope which was tied round his own waist and which I suppose was intended for my use we went to Staple who continued utttering groans and exclaimed that he was a dead man
WHEN we had brought him to the light we found he had a contusion on the eye which from the violence of the blow had swelled prodigiously but what was worse in falling his arm was broken by pitching in the crevice of a rock
I NOW found all my anger turned to pity and therefore forebore to upbraid him I was not inclined to be quite so merciful to the accomplice I knew if I accused him before a magistrate the affair must become public I therefore bestowed a little discipline upon him though not quite to the satisfaction of Mr Westwood and suffered him to depart
WE conveyed Staple almost to Kendal in the best manner we were able
and he made so many mean concessions and begged of me to forgive him so often that I told him he might invent what tale he pleased and tell it his own way for that I should not contradict it and prevailed at last on Westwood to make the like promise accordingly I hear he reports that he has been robbed and ill treated by a thief among the mountains
JEALOUSY it seems prompted him to commit this outrage I had danced with his mistress at an assembly and she has been unkind to him since which he attributes to her partiality for me but as I have by no means encouraged her in such a partiality I am not to be accountable for her caprice however as it is an affair that I did not wish to hear any thing about in the presence of Mr Westwood I did not ask for any explanation
nor did he offer any unless his apologies for his conduct may be so termed
I AM not so violently attached to my present employment as I imagined I should be There is so much of the labour of a schoolboy requisite that before the words are learnt by rote the imagination is wearied the enthusiastic fire which the first reading of the poet inspires is evaporated and the fancy becomes jaded by repetition The false or dull conception too of the generality of the performers is exceedingly teizing I do not think to continue here long and the above adventure will rather quicken than retard my departure I have flattering accounts from young Mr Stamford that would almost make me think of returning to the family
My heart is with them but I dare not indulge my hopes should they prove false it would only increase a disorder that is already too violent Adieu
H H ALWYN
LETTER XXX Mr STAMFORD Sen to Mr ALWYN
SIR
IF I were conscious of having ever acted in the least respect otherwise to you than as a father I should have been less surprized at the transaction that compels me to trouble you with this Your father was the worthiest of men and the thought that I was repaying in a slight degree the obligation I owe to his friendship added to the merit I fancied I saw in you gave me a satisfaction that more than amply counterbalanced the benefits you received from my protection and care I can never express the pleasure I daily experienced in beholding the image of
my dear Alwyn renewed in his son With a truly paternal joy I perceived the seeds of every virtue unfolding themselves under my instruction and cherished the fond hope of seeing them come to maturity But I am forced to give up the expectation
THINK Alwyn if your soul is not grown callous to every sentiment to every feeling that dignifies mankind— Think what I suffer in relinquishing the darling wish I am now old my connexions drop off few of the friends of my youth remain but I indulged the hope of seeing Alwyn among my children one of the supports of my age I can ill afford to lose the blessing but perfect felicity is not attainable in this life and I must submit But I must confess that I submit with pain and reluctance
OH Alwyn much rather would I have followed thee to the grave than seen the proofs of yesterday When did I injure you What has Maria done Base ungrateful wretch To wound me in the tenderest part If I had not fostered you in my bosom you had wanted power to sting Could not your vile schemes be carried on without sacrificing your father and your friend
MY children are distracted at your perfidy and nothing but the most direct the most positive proof of your baseness could have prevailed on me to adopt the belief
OH thou fair outside painted shew of every virtue but real sink of every vice In future no villainy however great shall shock my belief for if
Alwyn can smile at the fond credulity of the friend that loves him—If he can blast the fame of an innocent girl whose greatest fault is to esteem him— If he can wound the heart of an old man whose solicitude for his welfare has equalled that which he had for his own children what wickedness will he not readily accomplish
GO false wretch if thou hast a conscience hell is within thee and if that monitor exists not proceed in thy career Heaven is just and hypocrisy and ingratitude so complete cannot long miss their proper reward
J STAMFORD
LETTER XXXI Mr ALWYN to Mr STAMFORD Jun
FOR Gods sake my dear friend let me know what I have done Have I really lost every friend I esteemed in the world Pray send me word without loss of time This stroke exceeds the utmost misery my imagination ever painted O rather far rather would I have chosen the silent grave and my dear more than fathers lamentations than this dreadful this mysterious letter I am sure tis his hand—He calls me base ungrateful wretch But heaven is my witness how much he is deceived Can I wrong your angel sister The man lives not that could do it—Her
native virtue is a guard not to be sinned against And Oh my friend is it possible for me to smile at your simplicity Believe me I could weep at your misfortunes I could give my life to serve you but never was capable of deriding the friend of my heart
BE faithful to me in this excruciating instance Explain to me the dreadful proofs of yesterday
I HAVE read the letter so often that the intensity of the thought has quite overcome me and yet can make nothing of it—If your father is angry at my becoming a player still the crime is unequal to the reproach—Maria— My friend—My father—Sacrificed Is it possible Oh no no I am distracted with the hurry of passion in my
breast Love friendship gratitude have I offended all Miserable wretch that I am If the most unremitted ardour the most respectful silent suffering passion be to blast the fame of the divine Maria—then alas I am guilty If perfect esteem and the confidence of every the least movement of my soul be to betray my friend then have I done it And if daily to implore heaven to shower its choicest blessings on the head of my benefactor —if that be to wound his heart then am I ungrateful
NEVER did I think my dear Stamford to receive so keen a torment from the hand of my dearest friend and patron The lightening of heaven would have been a more welcome visitant Let me hear from you if friendship
has no plea at least for pity let me have a line
I am Your real and grateful friend ALWYN
LETTER XXXII Mr ALWYN to Mr HILKIRK
Dear HILKIRK
I AM overwhelmed with misfortunes I have received a letter a fatal one to me that informs me I have totally lost the friendship of the Stamford family I am unacquainted with the cause and bewildered in amazement and sorrow It is wrote by Mr Stamford senior and complains bitterly and pathetically of my ingratitude Nothing could add to my unhappiness but a consciousness of guilt God only knows my heart and how much I would undertake to serve or convince them of my affection or how industriously I would avoid injuring or giving them pain I am accused
of breach of friendship and want of love and delicacy for Maria but in such a vague and enigmatical though possitive stile that I am at a loss in what manner to interpret it Perhaps the old gentleman is offended at my becoming a comedian without informing him of my intention Yet surely this offence could not merit nor authorize the accusations I have received
THE more I reflect the more I am surprized and afflicted Mr Stamford is cautious to a degree how he believes any thing to the disadvantage of another and when convinced is ever ready to make the most generous allowances for the infirmities of human nature He has found out my love for his daughter perhaps this doubtless is disagreeable to him but I am certain this nor no
other motive could induce him to swerve from the path of integrity nothing but positive conviction could make him accuse me in the manner he has done and yet it was impossible he should have that What can be the cause I have no enmity to any one I obstruct no one in his prospects of happiness or pleasure I am not of importance enough in this ambitious world to annoy any one sufficiently to make him my enemy or if I were who could give malice a colour strong enough to convince the good the generous Stamfords of the reality of my supposed guilt It is the utmost weakness to harbour such a suspicion and nothing but my present incertitude and distress could excuse me in making such reflections
I HAVE wrote to Mr Stamford junior but as I am certain of the justice of his
fathers proceedings and how thoroughly he believes himself convinced of the truth of his assertions by what strange means I know nor I expect only a further confirmation of my misfortunes — Oh Maria — Forgive me dear Hilkirk — my tears will not let me proceed
I COULD not finish this letter yesterday I found myself so ill and my brain so near a state of frenzy that I was obliged to use my utmost endeavours to calm my disturbed imagination I am little better to day I have received a letter from young Mr Stamford in answer to mine that thoroughly confirms my prediction The thing that I am most uneasy at is they have not told me what their allegations are founded on Perhaps the explanation is what they seek
to avoid and I will rather suffer in silence than urge them to any thing that would give them pain It is enough for me that I am innocent I shall soon have no remembrance of injuries or the injured I find myself in the road that leads to everlasting rest and this only is my hope my consolation It is impossible I should ever possess the only object that could make the small remainder of time my youth might promise glide away in tranquillity and joy and surely to be released from misery is a pleasure
I SHALL quit this place directly and travel on foot across the country to my dear mother in Oxfordshire I am daily receiving proofs of her maternal tenderness and I wish to die in her arms I shall endeavour to hide my griefs from
her and from the world in which while I continue you my dear Hilkirk shall be certain of a place in the grieved heart of
H H ALWYN
LETTER XXXIII Mr STAMFORD Jun to Mr ALWYN
SIR
WHY do you continue to laugh at us You cannot surely pretend to say that my fathers letter is enigmatical to you It is not necessary to inform you by what means we received the intelligence of your perfidy it is enough that you cannot but be conscious of having betrayed your friend and that in the point on which the peace of our family in a great measure must depend
YOUR proceedings are discovered You can therefore have no end to serve and an attempt to deceive must now be the effect of mere wantonness
But the peace of families is not a thing to be sported with especially after such transactions as have passed between you and us It hurts me to be reduced to the necessity of noticing this which nothing but the shamefulness of your behaviour could have forced from me but to prevent any correspondence on so disagreeable a subject I am to inform you that my father and myself desire to have no farther connexion with or application from you and that Maria is possessed of strength of mind enough to blot from her remembrance so unworthy a character
C STAMFORD
LETTER XXXIV Mr MAITLAND Junior to STAFFORD OSBORNE Esquire
Dear OSBORNE
I AM much concerned to find that your letter in answer to my two long ones is not come to hand and can attribute it to no other reason than its not being yet wrote If that is the case I must make bold to inform you that I shall not turn historian gratis but shall expect an ample return for the narratives I transmit to you from time to time But I dont believe I shall trouble you with many while I continue in this place We hold scarce any sublunary intelligence I could favour you with an account of the number of patches the sun had on his face when he rose this
morning or let you know the length of Venuss horns which by the bye shews how different the mode in that country is from ours I should have expected to have seen the patches upon Venus and the horns upon Mars
BUT if these sublime disquisitions are above your comprehension you are to know that we are not always super ethera We have a hen or two that are constantly employed in the business of incubation by whose assistance though we are not sanguine enough to hope we shall ever arrive at the art of making chickens yet we think much may be done by way of meliorating the species. My father thinks it necessary to proceed usque ab ovo on account of a difficulty he found last winter in attempting to produce hair instead of feathers on their bodies To accomplish which desirable effect they were divested of their natural habiliments
and kept for some weeks in a room on a grass diet a regimen that is said to have produced the same phaenomenon in the person of king Nebuchadnezzar But whether to the inclemency of the season which prevented the experiment succeeding so well here as at Babylon or to what other cause the failure might be attributed certain it is that they all died just at the time when there was all the reason in the world to expect a favourable conclusion of the business
THESE are misfortunes youll say and so they are but we bear them with philosophic resignation
MY father has made a capital acquisition in young Stamford who accompanies him in all his projects and enquiries and I assist very often for want of better employment
A LITTLE below our house on the other side of the river the bank rises with an ascent rather steep and is covered with hazle and other trees At this time of the year after rain the ignes fatui or willwiththewisps are frequently seen descending towards the water and you may be sure do not pass unobserved by us The other night we were all three standing on the bank when a particularly brilliant one made its appearance My father who is very active for his years skipped from stone to stone and was on the other side in a trice Mr Stamford followed and I not willing to be singular went after but my evil genius had so contrived it that stepping on a smooth stone I slipped into the water over head and ears This sudden immersion effectually cooled the ardour of our pursuit Stamford helped me out with some trepidation
and my father returning assured me that my misfortune was entirely owing to a due equilibrium of the center not being preserved However happy this elucidation might be I did not find myself disposed to admire it but walked home rather out of temper resolving to set his philosophical acumen to work on other business For which purpose I ordered Sam to accommodate my dog Pompey in the stile of an ignis fatuus and lead him about the lower grove at the time my father generally repairs to his observatory He accordingly fixed six small lamps to a kind of saddle which he fastened to the dogs back and made a most shining appearance
GADSO says my father turning the large reflecting telescope towards it a very peculiar kind of meteor
WHAT is it like says Stamford There seem to be three distinct lights following each other at a very small distance apart
LET us go to it said I and thereupon we sallied forth
OUR pursuit lasted full two hours at the end of which we pressed Sam and his meteor so hard that he was under the necessity of extinguishing his illuminations which of course obliged us to return home unsatisfied
YOU see what shifts I am reduced to to keep myself alive and likewise the difficulty of furnishing matter for a letter but you who are in the midst of whim and jollity can have no excuse for delaying to write Adieu
Yours c T MAITLAND
LETTER XXXV Mr MAITLAND to STAFFORD OSBORNE Esquire
Dear OSBORNE
WE have several times hunted the meteor since my last and are now just returned from the chace which has been unsuccessful more ways than one
THOUGH Pompey may be justly called a dog of a liberal education and some genius which is evident from his peculiar address at fetching carrying and other operations of that nature yet it must be confessed that his talents are by no means universal For this reason it was I suppose that he did not succeed capitally in exhibiting the
ignis fatuus I am even inclined to suspect that Sam was the superior agent of the two or to express myself more scholastically he was the soul of the machine and Pompey the body or visible substance The learned tell us souls and bodies are sometimes apt to fall out and this remark was exemplified in the present instance In spite of Sams attention and care his animal part to wit the dog was actuated with a strong desire to emancipate itself from controul which it has accordingly effected
I AM apprehensive that he will come home with all his meteorological apparatus about him and by that means discover our plot but have ordered Sam to wait an hour for his arrival Adieu Supper waits Ill finish the rest in the morning
Friday Night
I AM distracted—lost—undone and have involved my father in my misery That infernal dog came home and set fire to the house Maitlandhall is now a heap of rubbish and my fathers strong box is lost Good God The torture of reflection is intolerable I am torn by a thousand passions at once My poor father is quite calm and resigned—He does not blame me—But his lenity cuts my heart more than the keenest reproaches I am astonished at the folly of my past life
CAN it be possible that a being possessed of reason, should pass whole years in worse than indolence Yes tis too true for I am that being The conflict of passion is too violent for nature to support It must end in the loss of
reason, or of life Be it so for existence is burthensome
THE only good act of my life was the cultivation of your friendship Your virtues engaged me and even now despairing sick of the world and quitting it the last effort of my mind is employed in bidding you an eternal farewel
Your lost friend T MAITLAND
LETTER XXXVI Mr STAMFORD Sen to Mr SELDON
Dear SIR
A TERRIBLE accident has prevented my coming to town this week as I intended Maitlandhall is burnt to the ground Happily no lives were lost but Mr Maitland has suffered very much in his property to the amount of nearly all he was worth The fire began in his elaboratory by Tom Maitlands means but in what particular manner I have not yet had time to enquire
ABOUT one oclock in the morning we were alarmed by a neighbour who was providentially crossing a footpath that leads by the house I started up immediately
but the suffocating smoke with which my chamber was filled overpowered my senses and I fell again on the bed What followed I was unconscious of but about an hour after I found myself in a chamber at the vicars and Charles sitting beside me
THE idea of the fire was still predominant in my mind but I was unable to determine whether I had dreamt or the misfortune had really happened Where am I exclaimed I wheres my Maria Let me know Charles is my poor child lost How came I here Compose yourself dear Sir replied he Maria is safe a stranger preserved her life at the risque of his own
AND where is this heavenly stranger Bring him to me Let me at least acknowledge the debt since I never can
repay it He knows not the value of the blessing he has bestowed But tell me Charles how all this happened I remember the alarm of fire when the smoke overcame me but have no knowledge of the rest
I WAS rouzed said he by the outcries of the servants and the thought of your danger rushed instantly into my mind I flew to your chamber one side of which the flames had already seized The urgency of the occasion gave me a strength which at another time it would have been impossible for me to have exerted I seized you in my arms and conveyed you hither When my terror and apprehensions for your safety were somewhat subsided I recollected Maria and in the utmost anguish hastened back to the scene of desolation Two of Mr Moretons servants accompanied
by my man Will were bringing her to this place in a chair My dear Will said I in a transport how can I reward you for saving my sister
No Sir
replied he
it was not I It was an angel that snatched her from the middle of the fire for to be sure he was sent by heaven to save my mistress The roof fell in the moment after I asked him to stay but he would not he went away towards next town
Will is now gone by my order to intreat him to return
WHILE Charles was speaking his servant entered the room
HE wont come said Will
he wont come I told him my master longd to see him but he hung his head and sighed as if he would break his heart Poor young gentleman
I thought mayhap he believed somebody was burnt so I told him all was safe and that Squire Maitland was safe and you Sir was safe and every body was safe but for all that he would not speak At last he said it was impossible and that he was a wretch and had lost all his friends but that he hoped he should die soon and forget his miseries And so I believe he will for he looked so pale and so thin and his eyes were so hollow that my heart aches to think of it I could not help crying when he walked away he seemed so disconsolate What a pity he should be sad or sorry I wish I could help him Id go to the end of the world to help him
POOR Wills heart was full He could not proceed and Charles who
had sat silent with the tears in his eyes seemed lost in the sympathy of his affections
MERCIFUL heaven exclaimed he rising are the severest calamities reserved for thy favourites O that he had returned How happy we should have been to have supplied the place of his lost friends and alleviated his sorrows
TO prevent his dwelling on an object which afflicted him without being of service to our benefactor I desired him to enquire how Mr Maitland and his son did while I rose and went to Maria She was sitting in the arms of Miss Moreton and her maid who with some difficulty kept her in bed
WHEREs my papa Cried she struggling
you would let me see him if he were safe No no he is dead and I will die too We will go together
MY child said I sitting down beside her
look at me I have escaped the flames
IS it true Replied she looking at me with great earnestness—
no you deceive me you are not my papa
A seasonable flood of tears ensued which restored her so much that she knew me and enquired after Charles I related the particulars of the event as concisely as possible and advising her to rest left her in the care of Miss Moreton
I THEN walked to the site on which Maitlandhall had stood where I found Mr Maitland and Charles surveying the ruins From the composure which appeared in the countenance of my old friend I did not apprehend his loss to exceed that of the house and furniture but on enquiry he informed me his strong box containing notes and securities for upwards of fifty thousand pounds being almost all he was worth was missing But said he to a philosopher this is of little consequence I can bound my appetites and enough is left If I lose my tranquillity it will be a greater loss than that I have just now sustained Tom must choose one of the professions to live by and it is not impossible but the employment of raising a fortune may prove much more innocent than that of spending one
I TOOK this occasion to tell him that I had no intention of breaking off the treaty on account of the alteration this misfortune would make in his sons circumstances and he in answer said he expected no less from the confidence he reposed in my integrity When I consider the sincerity of his friendship to me and the proofs he has given me of it I cannot bear the thought of refusing my daughter at this time It carries with it a mark of baseness not to be endured Perhaps this disaster may give a new turn to Toms mind and make him more worthy of my girl If so all will be well and this shocking circumstance will bet productive of good I hope to hear that your affairs go on to your satisfaction and am with perfect esteem Sir
Your most obedient Friend and Servant J STAMFORD
P S
My son is gone to town to give notice of Mr Maitlands loss at the public offices and will be with you before this letter comes to hand
LETTER XXXVII Mr ALWYN to Mr HILKIRK
Dear HILKIRK
I ARRIVED at my dear mothers this day week and if I were capable of pleasure should receive it from the joy and tenderness she expressed and her assiduity to make me happy—You can scarce imagine what my feelings are or what such a mother deserves I am afraid she should remark the gloom that possesses my mind I know how much it would distress her I therefore make very severe struggles to smother my sighs and am resolved as much as is in my power to carry my griefs abroad and without a figure complain to the pitiless winds
MY life seems fruitful in adventures and strange incidents I am at this moment oppressed and agitated with the recollection of one which has happened to me on my journey I know you will excuse my impertinence in continually talking thus of myself I am not at present in a state of sufficient tranquillity to make observations on objects which used to amuse me I find myself at moments not many degrees from insanity and the affliction this would cost my mother even more than the horror attending it makes me use my utmost endeavour to forget my troubles and ward off the blow My efforts I fear will be ineffectual though I assure you I have tried every method I read I run I walk and make various efforts to divert my ideas from the channel in which they so constantly flow My mother appears distrustful
at times tells me how frequently I talk in an incoherent manner especially in the night and I have caught myself more than once singing aloud without any meaning I hope however I shall conquer this disposition —Could I forget Maria—Alas—It is impossible—Oh memory—Oh Maria—
I WILL endeavour to tell my story Maria has a part in it
I DEPARTED from Kendal on the day and in the manner that I had proposed I travelled four days without being scarcely able to recollect whether I had passed through towns or villages had met men women or other objects except such as immediate necessity had obliged me to notice and was walking very late on the fifth I suppose it might
be almost midnight for I knew the country and was so lost in thought that I did not think of rest when casting my eyes accidentally up at the noise of an owl that flew by me with a dismal howl I perceived at a less distance than a quarter of a mile from the roadside a house in flames I had forgot at that moment where I was but made the best of my way towards the place The shrieks of the people were piercing and made the natural stillness of the night awfully shocking It was exceedingly dark and the wind rather tempestuous with a sharp cutting rain while the blaze cast a horrid gleam upon every object around I dont remember to have ever been struck with so much terror I ran I flew I intermixed with the frightened sufferers who were running to and fro in the utmost confusion and I thought
I saw by the pale glare some faces that I knew
IMAGINE what my sensations were when I beheld a young gentleman bearing an old one in his arms through the flames and immediately knew them for young and old Mr Stamford but how was my horror increased when I heard a voice crying aloud
OH my mistress my mistress my poor young mistress she will be burnt she must be burnt her chamber is on fire
—
WHOSE chamber said I
Marias chamber
—
OH yes yes my poor dear young lady
—
WHERE is it shew me the way said I in the most horrid agitation—
THE servant flew to conduct me and regardless of the flames which had spread over the apartment I burst open the door darted through them snatched up my dear Maria in my arms and without feeling any thing from the fire bore her down stairs harmless and out of danger
OH God how can I describe what I felt—I could hardly persuade myself at first that she was safe—I viewed the spreading blaze I turned to Maria I sighed with excess of emotion I held my Maria in my arms—She had swooned in the fright and did not know me no one was near us the servant had ran for water—In the transport of my joy
and passion I imprinted a kiss upon her lips—How could I support it— I was under the power of a wild and tumultuous extacy and surely the sin was venial—Oh that I had died at that instant
THE servant returned Maria began to revive I was unwilling to be known and committed her to his care I had preserved the jewel of my soul and perceived I could be of no farther service I heard the younger Stamford uttering distracted cries for his sister and resolved that he should not know his benefactor if I could prevent it I therefore made the best of my way into the high road again His sister was restored to his arms and he was
impatient to thank and reward the author of her safety—I am acquainted with his grateful disposition—He dispatched the servant who had observed the route I took and who presently came up with me The poor fellow had an honest and a tender heart and begged of me with tears in his eyes to go back with him to Maitlandhall
DEAR Sir said he
come with me do Sir—Let my old master and my young master thank you—My dear young mistress will thank you too—I am sure she will—She is the dearest best young lady in the world
MY eyes overflowed—I uttered something incoherently about impossibilities and unhappiness and the honest servant appeared very much affected
with my manner which I dare say was rather wild—I was agitated—I wished ten thousand things that I perceived the folly of and the tumults of my mind occasioned me to betray some weakness
IT was not without difficulty that I persuaded the servant to return and when he parted from me he said he was sure his young master and his old master and his dear lady too would be very sorry for they had charged him to bring me back if he could find me
I FELL into so profound a reverie in ruminating upon this accident that when I came into the road I never observed which way I turned and instead of proceeding on my journey
travelled back again I did not discover my mistake till daylight appeared and I had got near twelve miles when finding the servants up at a waggoners inn and myself exceedingly weary I went to bed and rested myself till eleven the next day The news of the fire was presently spread all over the country and almost every one told a different tale They all however agreed in some particulars namely that Maitlandhall was burnt to the ground that old Mr Maitland had lost an iron chest in which was contained bank notes to a great amount and that a stranger had saved the daughter of Mr Stamford from being burnt alive by carrying her down the stairs when they were all in a flame of fire You may be certain I took all the precautions in my power to avoid being known and
for that purpose left the road and travelled along by a path among some villages on the contrary side from Maitlandhall Adieu dear Hilkirk
And believe me to be Your sincere friend H H ALWYN
LETTER XXXVIII Mr SELDON to Mr STAMFORD Sen
My dear Friend
YOUR account of the dreadful fire at Maitlandhall affected me exceedingly I rejoice however to observe that you all escaped safe as the other misfortune admits of a remedy in affording which I shall be happy to assist Please to let Mr Maitland know how sincerely I condole with him on this unhappy business and that I only wait his directions to do all in my power for his service
I AM in your debt for a former letter in which you deplore the baseness and ingratitude of young Alwyn It is a
piece of news that I assure you I heard with some regret for I always entertained the highest opinion of the young mans principles But you and I have lived long enough in the world to be surprized at nothing It might have been better but useless grief can only make it worse therefore let him go unlamented If conscience has no power to torment him yet we may take it for granted that in the end his ingratitude will meet its reward
YOU say he is become a player A profession that in my opinion contains the extremes of good and bad The sublime and forcible lessons of morality with which our dramatic pieces abound scarcely permit the inculcator to stand neuter He must either assent to them with that warmth which characterizes the good and great man or by a most
despicable excess of hypocrisy counterfeit and seem to feel that virtue to which his mind is a stranger According to this latter mode Alwyn I believe will make a good player and I think it is fortunate that this situation in life will not allow him to exercise his talents for deception in a sphere of greater consequence
NOW I talk of players you are to know that I have received a very good account of my youth in the country which helps to convince me that my plan is good though it has had the misfortune not to meet with your approbation Weak plants you say must be brought forward with care The keen blast of adversity blights them and they never come to maturity My philosophy says otherwise it is that very care that makes them weak both in mind
and constitution My boy will arrive at affluence with a mind that has withstood the shocks of misfortune and will enjoy his independence with the more pleasure as he is better acquainted with its value I am impatient to see him and to make Julia happy Her ready acquiescence in every thing I proposed for her advantage deserves whatever recompense I can bestow and her merit will secure the happiness of my son
I am dear Sir Your real friend and servant R SELDON
LETTER XXXIX H HANDFORD Esq to Mr WESTWOOD
Friend GEORGE
WHAT right had you to impose such a tax upon your goodnature as to promise to hold correspondence with and pay visits to an old humourist A fellow who has taken it into his head that all the world himself excepted are little better than blockheads jostling in the dark running their noses in each others faces and swearing there is no room for them to walk with ease and dignity as it befits their worships nay who confesses he himself cannot see because of a profusion of light but like an owl
can fly farthest by twilight You have some degree of rationality How could you be such a booby I am a techty old batchelor Sir and you knew it I have neither wife nor daughter for you to seduce I am rich but I told you and I tell you again I shall never give to those who dont want
I WONDER what such fellows as I do crawling between heaven and earth
No child no relation to flatter my old age and make me believe I shall exist after I am dead—If I were to build churches or endow hospitals men would swear vanity was my only motive—Well if they did— there would be no perjury—I wish they could always indulge their envy with as little danger to their consciences—Between you and me we are little better than a set of sad dogs—Rascals—Liars
—Ill take my oath to hypocrites— You are a young man and by what I have observed—damn flattery—one of the best of the age you live in—But mind what I say—Youll find yourself out in time—I reiterate—youll discover by and by that you are little better than a sad dog—I have made this comfortable observation upon myself for some years past—A parcel of curst mean pitiful paltry passions teazing teazing my heart out—One wants one thing another another—Build me a palace says pride—Kill me some fifty thousand beggars in red coats says ambition and get me a name—Pull this bully by the nose says revenge—Take away that mans character says envy— Get to the Devil with you all say I
I LIE—I lie—as you may perceive— I listen to them—I sooth them—I promise
to satisfy them if they will but let me alone aye and I have been rascal enough to keep my promise more than once—Why hey day—What the Devil am I about—Writing my own panegyric— Stuffing myself with my own praise —Glib—Glib—I can swallow it as easily as blancmanger and digest it faster than a ploughman does hastypudding —Now would I in a fit of most AntiMussulman rage destroy the paper that bears such marks of my weakness but that I am rejoiced to procure fresh evidence against myself
BUT hark you Sir what is the reason that I have never received a syllable from you for upwards of three weeks —If you imagine you are to treat me thus with impunity I must be so free as to inform you you are mistaken Therefore on Tuesday next the 17th
of the present month I order and command you after mending your pen putting smallbeer to your ink traversing your room five minutes and fifteen seconds and scratching your head not less than half a score times to take a folio sheet of plain tenpenny writingpaper and without compliments which are only wasting of time and being moreover little better than lies stuff me three sides of the said sheet of plain tenpenny writingpaper as full as it can hold of the first materials your prolific brain shall offer—Ill have no picking and chusing—No battering of brows no wrinkles in the forehead when you once begin — Strait forward—Helter skelter—Shandy for ever—The more unstudied the more natural—If I should discover one erasure be it ever so trivial with knife or pen dread the consequence—Ill pester you with nonsense
worse than a mad poetess does her husband
I HAVE left the old pedants of Oxford to correct their pride and their pupils at their leisure yet am I much mistaken if either undergo any considerable reform in a hurry—I wonder what could possess my foolish brain with the supposition of finding genius and learning combined in this place— I might as well have searched for chastity in a brothel or reason in a Methodist sermon—But this was among my whims—I will go and live in the seat of the Muses said I on the banks of the Isis more famous than the mount of Parnassus or the waters of Helicon—What a booby—I will spend my substance among the sons of philosophy I shall be delighted and informed —they are enlightened and dispassionate
open to conviction and in love with truth—What a numskull—I shall find among these sons of genius some one who wants a patron and a friend to bring his merits forward and shew them to the world I shall be happy to produce the fruits of ingenuity in the mart of science.—It will atone in some degree for my own want of talents or misapplication of them—What a dunderpate—
I SHOULD be sorry rashly to affirm that there are no such persons as I was in search of amongst these learned and reverend wranglers but this I will affirm that instead of finding the teachers devoted to the discovery of truth I found them dogmatical to disgust and resolved to maintain what they have once advanced or believed though refuted to silence—These were the fellows
who encouraged every author that opposed our divine Newton—not because they believed him wrong but because he was educated at Cambridge— As for their pupils instead of being in love with study vigilant and ingenious they are lost in riot and debauchery—
BUT I have left them and am now at Swanley where dear George I expect shortly to see you who are a valuable compensation by the friendship I contracted with you at Oxford for the disappointment my sanguine temper led me into
PRAY what is become of your favourite comedian in whose praise your last was so eloquent—What you are deceived—Come confess—You are ashamed of a too hasty prepossession—Aye aye—I have
suffered that kind of chagrin fifty times in my life—A fellow with a good address a placid countenance and a certain knack at saying no and yes could get into my good graces presently I would idolize him become his trumpeter or as a certain noble author has it his puff swear to all my acquaintance he was a miracle of virtue recommend him and assist him in his pursuits presently Sir when my gentleman imagines he has neither much to hope or fear from me he becomes proud despises my friendship ridicules the peculiarities which his narrow mind is capable of observing and as far as he is able makes me the jest of those who are as shallow as himself—But I have done with them —I have an oath—an oath in heaven —Ill be no more the dupe of fools and knaves—
I MUST be exercising my pity upon some distressed devil or another—I have taken a fresh freak—I know youll laugh but I dont care—I have turned my house into an hospital—For what say you— The lame or the lazy—Ill tell you Sir—I have at this instant—nine doghorses seven of them blind forty young puppies almost as many kittens a tolerable flock of rotten sheep which the rascally owners made me pay as much for when they found my humour as if they had been sound ones an infinite number of young birds which I was obliged to purchase or see them devoted to destruction besides one and twenty old cows that are past calving—
YOU have doubtless heard of the humanity of the good Indians of Bombay who have erected and endowed an hospital
for reptiles and insects and give any man a gratuity who will consent to be bound down and suffer these insects to feed upon him for the space of a night —What a blest institution—With what pleasure would I devote my blood to their service in my turn were I there— Indians are rational beings whereas in this Christian country as it is called I am laughed at for undertaking something of a similar nature though upon a much more confined plan They have raised a report that I am insane and my name is become a by word to frighten children with—But no matter—If a man were to be laughed out of virtue I know not what would become of even those which they have dignified by the name of cardinal
I HAVE had this scheme in agitation for some time but I would not tell you
because I knew you would immediately have set your wits to work to put me out of conceit with it and my temper is so open to conviction that I dare not defend a good cause against such an antagonist—I see but one side of a question at one time and it is always that which is represented at the instant to my imagination
MY family increases daily The sick the lame and the blind are brought to me from all quarters and I have the satisfaction to hear the poor people bless me when I have made a new purchase of them—Since I have wrote this last paragraph and while I was at breakfast I have had three litters of blind puppies and an old boarstag thats past service added to my stock—The venders have all gone away satisfied and praying
heaven to prosper me—One wicked young dog indeed who has brought me a brokenlegged cat tittered while I was paying him and burst into a laugh as soon as his foot was over the threshold but how can I expect a boy to make just reflections when so few men are capable of them—I fancy myself sometimes the patriarch Noah surrounded with my beasts in the ark and the whim pleases me so much that I have employed the barber of the village to weave me a white beard that shall reach down to the waistband of my breeches and give me the true antediluvian lock—I dont intend to use this in concert it shall be a solo instrument for my own private amusement— or to indulge a very particular friend
I AM still in some pain about your player—You had fired my fancy and I began to have hopes there was really
some foundation for your praise—If you have had no occasion to alter your opinion write directly—send me a letter express—I would rather hear this news than that of ten battles all fought by another Bajazet or any other grand Turk Vale
H HANDFORD
LETTER XL Mr STAMFORD Sen to Mr SELDON
Dear SIR
MY Maria is much better but Tom Maitland has been very ill ever since the fire it is not thought he will live This dreadful accident occasioned by his giddiness is a great oppression to his spirits and he discovers much contrition for his past follies As he believes his end to be approaching he laments in the most pathetic manner the waste he has made of the best part of his time I sincerely wish he may recover and make my girl happy This stroke has opened his eyes The calmness with which he expects the close of life the strong flow of good sense that appears in his conversation and
the sensibility he expresses for his afflicted father convince me that I was mistaken in attributing his faults to a depravity of mind instead of a levity of disposition
MR MAITLAND who was perfectly superior to the loss of his fortune is unable to withstand this second calamity Yesterday morning we were sitting together by Toms bedside his languid eyes were fixed on his father whose countenance expressed the struggle between his grief and the firmness of his mind His son grasped his hand and looked at him with a tenderness that seemed to intreat him not to grieve but which naturally produced the contrary effect
I understand you Tom said he I will compose myself—I will endeavour to bear my afflictions and submit to the decrees of heaven with
fortitude—but I must feel that I am a father
So saying he rose and went out being no longer able to conceal his emotions The dying youth followed him with his eyes and then turning to me with a deep sigh
Oh Mr Stamford
said he
tis I that have done this—I have oppressed my fathers age with want and sorrow— Oh that my death would restore his peace with what pleasure should I welcome the gloomy power Your friendship may do much — go dear Sir follow him and prevent his wasting the hours in useless grief Tis a satisfaction to me when I think your friendship will assist him to bear his afflictions
I LEFT him and went in search of Mr Maitland whom I found sitting with his head reclined in a musing posture
His mind was so intent on his misfortunes that he did not at first perceive my approach
AT length said he looking up
I have conquered and can submit to join in the general order of the system without reluctance Whatever the allwise Regent of the universe permits to be is best His attributes, which we discover by a process of reason, as nearly approaching to demonstration as our faculties will admit immensity of power and goodness cannot admit of the existence of real evil It is from the errors of beings necessarily imperfect that the appearance of partial evil arises and that partial evil is doubtless constituted as the means of acquiring a greater and otherwise not attainable good The retrospect on past life adds experiment
to proof and in some future age I shall rejoice at what is now considered as the greatest calamity Then my son we shall look back with pleasure on our present separation But ah my child
said he his voice softening as he spoke
Tis not with tranquillity I can bear thy loss O my friend my Stamford how vain is the reliance we place on the fortitude of our minds! Can it be philosophy to bear the torture of the soul with indifference Are the tender affections faults which a wise man ought to endeavour to overcome Are they not rather the distinguishing characters of humanity which to erase is to become worse than inanimate I am convinced they are The arguments of the understanding are too weak to check the flow of the heart I feel their insufficiency O my boy how
are my hopes blasted I must grieve Never again shall I delight in the sportive vivacity of my dear child O thou great power
continued he raising his hands in an agony of passion
I am become a blank in the universe Misery is my lot Remove me from this hated scene Let me accompany my son or restore him to me
AFTER a little pause growing more calm I thank you my dear friend said ne addressing himself to me
you sympathise with me I am perplexed I am bewildered in doubts The object of my cares of my affections is snatched from me and I want fortitude to sustain the loss The scheme of providence which I vainly thought to have comprehended is fled and darkness hangs over the prospect Why are we taught to regard delicacy of sentiment and sensibility
of mind as marks heavens of benevolence to man Are they not bestowed to render us more completely wretched—to make us capable of pain infinitely more intense than that which arises from external causes— that we may envy the happier brute Yet such is my state At once deprived of my fortune my son and the chearing view of a benevolent first Power I find myself seated in the midst of a dreadful void Every support on which my soul reposed is removed far from me and I wish for annihilation to ease me from the burthen of existence
I WAS glad to observe that the activity of his mind had not forsaken him at this crisis and that he was able to reason so abstractedly on the subject I assumed the bright side of the question
and attempted to prove him wrong in relinquishing the idea of universal order The conversation having restored his tranquillity in a great degree we went to see Tom The physicians had prognosticated his death on this day instead of which to our great joy he was just awakened from a found sleep as we entered The effect was so considerable that we have some hopes of his recovery though the danger is far from being entirely removed
I CANNOT think of leaving my friend so long as the probability of his losing his son remains but shall come to town as soon as he is thought out of danger which I hope will be in a day or two
I am with perfect esteem Your friend and humble servant J STAMFORD
LETTER XLI Mr WESTWOOD to H HANDFORD Esq
Dear SIR
I SHALL attempt no apology for the silence you charge me with—It is sufficient excuse to you to say I was lazy or stupid or both which you know are no uncommon accidents in life
YOUR player that I interested you so much about is gone—Dont be alarmed—He has been guilty of no meanness committed no outrage—His character is sacred to virtue—His exit has been with greater eclat than his entrance— But I have lost him—I never conceived a greater partiality for any man I will
not even except yourself—What a world would this be were men all like him and you—Dont be angry—You must must permit me to speak the truth
I TOLD you the women were all in love with him Ill now tell you the consequence the men were all jealous of him—One of them a mean rascal who yet bears the title of gentleman attempted I believe to assassinate him —Be that as it will he hired two ruffians to assist him in taking that revenge which he had not the courage to attempt by himself—With this innocent view did these three worthies waylay him and God knows what would have been the consequence had they had any common man to deal with for the assistants were fellows remarkable for their prowess—But our hero fairly vanquished them all—I happened
to come up just as he was finishing his conquest—I beheld him deal some half dozen blows—Never before did I see such firmness and agility nor so much lenity after the victory to such vile rascals—
IT was this affair that occasioned his departure I suppose—He supped with us on Sunday evening when in spite of his endeavours to the contrary he appeared exceedingly dejected—He told us it was probable he should never have that pleasure again and was so much affected while he said this that the tears gushed into his eyes and he was obliged to turn his head away— I perceived the shame and confusion that these emotions excited in him and delicacy obliged me to desist from enquiring into the cause of his grief— He seemed rather to wave any hints
that were thrown out to him to tell where he was going and I was loath to urge him—My mother who almost doated on his company could hardly be restrained from asking him questions which I perceived would have embarrassed him—But he promised at parting that if ever he were happy once more which he believed impossible he should take great pleasure in communicating it to us
SINCE he has been gone we have heard several particulars which only serve to increase our admiration—Two or three poor families have declared that he has given them assistance and among the rest the wife of one of the assassins confessed he gave her a guinea upon hearing she was distressed for her rent—The rascal her husband has fled the country
I HAVE never found you offended when I have happened to differ in opinion with you I shall therefore venture to dissent from your picture of that seminary where I had the good fortune first to become acquainted with you—That the outline is just I will readily grant but the shadings are too deep This is only momentary with you and while you recollect particular instances—Neither have we any cause to wonder that learned men are not always rational men—There is a degree of genius requisite to this which falls to the share of a few only—The memory may be capable of bearing a greater burthen than the imagination and this produces plodders—The reverse of the proposition is equally true and from hence springs enthusiasm—I beg pardon—I lift the ferula when I ought to kiss the rod—I assume the tone of a
a teacher when I ought to look up at the master
THE impracticability of your hospital at least the impositions you are liable to sustain are so evident that I shall not attempt to reason with you concerning it Time will prove the best logician in this case The motive does honour to your heart and if I did not see the inconveniencies attending your scheme should wish to assist you in the pursuit
I SHALL be at Oxford next term and you may be certain shall not fail to pay you a visit By that time your ménagerîe will either be demolished or considerably augmented I shall rejoice in the length of your beard the hint of which I presume you borrowed from some of your family appertaining
to the antient fraternity of goats I think I see your puppies gnawing your shoes and your kittens wantoning round you while the senior cats enjoy the privilege of reposing in the venerable shade of your beard Though perhaps that patriarchal implement may be the destined asylum for animals of another species à la mode de Bombay The golden age will certainly be renewed in your seminary provided you can but keep the peace among your subjects I suppose you have several times had your pockets filled with mice who had fled thither to escape the army of cats you have purchased The wornout horse will I hope be in the first rank of your favourites You may condescend to select a rozinante for your own use and even if it should have but three legs I would advise you not to fear Euclid for your encouragement
has wrote a theorem to prove that threelegged stools stand firmest and if so why not horses which are much nobler animals I could say a great deal more concerning your project but do not wish to insult your judgment by instances so obvious
I am Your respectful friend and very humble servant G WESTWOOD
LETTER XLII H HANDFORD Esq to Mr WESTWOOD
Friend GEORGE
I REJOICE that your player has not deceived you but I am sorry that it is out of my power to become acquainted with him—Had he continued at Kendal I would have posted away directly— I am vexed — Why should the fellow run away from me in this manner—And yet perhaps it is as well as it is—Want of faith and gratitude are so recent in my memory—There—there now—You see what a damned vile dog I am—Condemning a man whom I have never known any ill of but heard a great deal of good because I have met with rascals in my
life—I am always finding myself but at these tricks—
I WISH I had seen him—Perhaps he was poor and too proud to own it — And he relieved some families in distress—I wish I had known him—I dare say they did not come to tell their wants to him—No no — How should they suppose a poor player had any thing to spare—I have known those rascals myself those players I mean for all they have been guilty of some little paltry tricks do some very good actions—And I have been told that they are always willing to assist any of their fraternity who are travelling or out of employ although they are as poor as a country curates horse themselves —I love the dogs for that—I dare say this fellow that you tell me of had a thousand good qualities that you had
not time to discover—And so he had genius too you say—Damn him what did he run away in such a hurry for— I would have come over to have seen him instantly—I would ride a thousand miles to be acquainted with the villain—Its curst hard that I should be in continual pursuit of these rascals who are an honour to us and that they should always steal away from me in such a manner—But that is the case with them they are all ashamed of doing good and like young sinners blush at what they love—They are afraid of being detected and laughed at—Well they may—Its a damned vile world thats the truth ont—
I AM pestered plagued teized tormented to death—I believe all the cats in christendom are assembled in Oxfordshire I am obliged to hire a clerk
to pay the people and the village where I live is become a constant fair—A fellow has set up the sign of the three Blind Kittens and has the impudence to tell my neighbours if my whims and my money will only hold out for one twelvemonth he shant care a fig for the king—I thought to prevent this inundation by buying up all the old cats and secluding them in convents and monasteries of my own but the value of the breeders is increased to such a degree that I do not believe my whole fortune is capable of the purchase—Besides I am made an ass of— A rascal who is a known sharper in these parts hearing of the aversion I had to cruelty bought an old oneeyed horse that was going to the dogs for five shillings Then taking a hammer in his hand watched an opportunity of finding me alone and addressed me
in the following manner—
Look you master I know that you dont love to see any dumb creter abused and so if you dont give me ten pounds directly why I shall scoop out this old rips odd eye with the sharp end of this here hammer now before your face
—Aye and the damned villain would have done it too if I had not instantly complied but what was worse the abominable scoundrel had the audacity to tell me when I wanted him to deliver the horse first for fear he should extort a farther sum from me that he had more honour than to break his word
I PERCEIVE it is in vain for me to attempt the carrying on this scheme much longer—My poor invalids must be abandoned—I suppose when they are turned upon this most merciful world
again the boys will make huntingmatches with the cats tie tincans and old kettles to their tails and clothe their feet in walnutshells my poor puppies will be fleaed for their skins and my old cattle driven to the next kennel of hounds—No no they shant be so abused neither—It would have been better for many of them had I never interposed in their behalf than suffer them to be thus tormented—The cruel rascals would take a delight in inventing punishments if it were only to torture me—
A WHELP of a boy yesterday had caught a young urchin and perceiving me threw it in water to make it extend its legs then with the rough side of a knotty stick sawed upon its ham till the creature cried like a child and when I ordered him to desist told me he would
not till I had given him sixpence— Another overwise fellow a farmer of the parish swears he will lay an indictment next quartersessions against me for an encourager and breeder of varmint and a pettifogging son of a whores rascal of an attorney told me to my face that if he could find out my heir he would persuade him to sue for his inheritance under the statute of lunacy
THERE is something worse than all this The avaricious rascals when they can find nothing that they think will excite my pity disable the first animal which is not dignified with the title of Christian and then bring it to me as an object worthy of my commiseration so that in fact instead of protecting I destroy The women have entertained a notion that I hate twolegged animals and one of them called after me the
other day to tell me I was an old rogue and that I had better give my money to the poor and maintain my own bastards than keep a parcel of dogs and cats that eat up the village—Adieu— I have wearied you—and I am certain I have wearied myself
H HANDFORD
LETTER XLIII H HANDFORD Esq to Mr WESTWOOD
Friend GEORGE
I HAVE rare news for you—I am impatient till I have related it but am resolved to begin my story and tell it methodically
YOU are not unacquainted with my passion for traversing the fields and lying about in summertime upon green banks under trees or by the side of rivers—These are my poetical moods and I delight in indulging them About a fortnight ago in the midst of one of them I was disturbed by the rustling of the leaves and the sudden appearance of a youth that leaped with the utmost ease and agility over a devilish
high hedge and whisked by me without noticing me with the fleetness of a stag that has just broke cover—I was amazed at the symmetry of the fellows person as well as his swiftness and my imagination having been warmed by Monsieur Homers description of the race in which Clytonius was victor my fancy ran as fast as his legs—The spirit of curiosity was raised and I made twenty fruitless enquiries concerning this apparition
A DAY or two after it appeared again but in a quite different manner—The mercurial spirit was evaporated instead of lAllegro he was quite il Penseroso— His arms were folded his eyes fixed and his cheeks bedewed with tears—I would give you a description of his person but that it is needless—I only say I never saw one that pleased me so much before
I cant tell what ailed me but his slow and steady walk his sighs which were deep and frequent the melancholy to apparent in his visage and the large tears that dropped unobserved as it were down his face gave me sensations of the most forcible kind—I wanted to discourse with him in hopes I might have it in my power to alleviate his grief and for that purpose walked by the side of him for the whole length of a meadow without his taking the least notice of me—Just before he came to the gate he stopped suddenly for a moment lifted up his eyes to heaven uttered a dismal groan and after calling out aloud Oh love love started from where he stood gave a bound over the gate and vanished again like lightning
I WISH I could tell you George how I behaved—For some time I remained
stupified entranced rivetted to the spot —As soon as I could get loose I whistled I danced I cursed I prayed and at last fairly cried for vexation— I never saw so fine a fellow—His grief too was so noble so manly—It was fixed rooted—
WELL Sir in this condition was I obliged to return home chagrined enough you may be sure and heard nothing of him for several days—About a week afterwards as I was going my rounds I approached a place where a parcel of young villains were bathing —Before I was got up to them the whole pack set up a yelping to tell me one of the puppies their playfellows was drowning I hobbled up to the rascals as fast as I could and though I can swim no more than the leaden goose in my Lord Vistos garden soused in without
dread of danger or saying one short prayer—The lying dogs to be sure had told me that they did not believe it was out of my depth—I soon found to the contrary though and discovered moreover like Falstaff that I had an admirable alacrity at sinking—Yes yes Sir—I was at the bottom in a twinkling and there I might have lain in sure and certain hope of being dragged out by a boat hook when I had taken in sufficient water for the voyage had not this—aye this Alwyn—the individual identical player—your Alwyn my Alwyn— The melancholy youth the runner— but you shall hear more anon—He leapt in—Sir he stood as little upon ceremony as I had done—But then he is a different fellow—a very different fellow—A man and a boy drowned said he God forbid— Sir he brought us
up he landed us with a finger and a thumb—
WHAT do you suppose I said when after some half hours rubbing and tumbling for I was old and presently gone—What I say do you think I said when I first opened my eyes and saw this Alwyn with a look like an angel over a condemned soul standing by me and heard him ask in the most expressive and softest tone possible how I did —Ill tell you what I said Sir—I said nothing—But I would be content to be drowned every day of my life to feel what I felt—
HOW the devil shall I contrive to tell you the rest of this story to make you caper and sing and wipe your eyes and rub your shins as a Christian ought
to do—Take notice however that though I tell you now it was your Alwyn the player the fellow that I would have rid so far to see I knew nothing of that then—No no—I only looked upon him at that instant as a kind of heavenly being a sort of angel of benevolence and my deliverer—I did not half know him—Well Sir he told me that his mother lived hard by and begged of me to suffer myself to be put to bed in her house and take a little cordial which she would give me—And I told him that though I did not believe I should go to bed I would go with his help that is and take some of his mothers cordial with all my heart—
DEAR George forgive my weakness —I can scarcely proceed—I can trifle no longer—Is it any wonder that I am
affected when I tell you that the moment I put my foot over the threshold I beheld in Mrs Alwyn the person of a dear and longlost sister
MY joy and surprize at finding the nearest and my parents excepted the dearest relation I ever knew a sister whom in my youth I had loved with an unbounded affection to see her the happy mother of such a son one too who but the moment before had preserved my life the effect this had upon me is past my power to describe—
YES my dear friend heaven has sent me a sister and a nephew to whom riches will be estimable because they will contribute to their happiness Not
from the value they put upon wealth they both have minds superior to such influence but from other circumstances The cause of my poor Alwyns melancholy is love—The youth from too great a consciousness of inferiority in point of wealth has not ventured to declare his passion except to the brother of the lady—Maria is the daughter of his fathers friend Mr Stamford a capital merchant—He tells me he is in disgrace with the family and by what I can collect has had some foul play— Not from them—Their character is greatly beyond it but my boys health the exercise of his reason depends upon this affair being cleared up and there is no time so be lost
OH George what pleasure do I experience when I pronounce the words my boy—I who yesterday had no friend
no relation whom I could suppose a part of myself to find an Alwyn and to find him mine the idea is too luxurious—His account of Maria too is so romantic and so pleasing that I burn with impatience to see them united —God forbid that any cross accident should intervene and prevent their union—I hope not—And yet the terrors of the youth are communicated in part to me—But I will hope the best
YOU long to know how I and my sister came to suppose each other dead— I will tell you—
BY my approbation and advice she married a young officer a most amiable man and one of my intimate friends Alwyn her husband and myself were both young and both adventurers He laid out the greatest
part of his own and my sisters fortune the aggregate of which was no porters burthen in purchasing from an ensign to a captain I crossed the Equinoctial and in a few years without I flatter myself deserving the appellation of Nabob as the word is at present applied became almost as rich as one —My sister went abroad with her husband who was obliged to attend his regiment—That we might be certain not to lose the knowledge of each others residence we determined to correspond by favour of a third person who was a cousin and the only relation we had— Our caution proved our want of prescience more ways than one—This cousin was a villain—He heard I was likely to grow rich and instead of forwarding my sisters letters wrote me an account of her and her husbands death and of mine to her I read in
the public papers of my poor friend Alwyns fall in the field of battle and had therefore the less reason to doubt the truth of the whole story—When we respectively arrived in England he found means to continue the deception and was snatched off suddenly in the midst of his wicked career by an apoplectic fit—She has lived in this retreat for some years I have only bought the estate at which I now live lately and have not resided here till within this month Tis true my name is become pretty familiar among the villages hereabout from circumstances which I have before related but she lives so retired and has been under so much concern for her poor Alwyn that her not having heard of me is no miracle
MY boys case will admit of no delay we must therefore be up in London in a few days This I am afraid will deprive us of the pleasure of seeing you when you come next into Oxfordshire I need not tell you how heartily you are beloved by your Kendal comedian your poor player He will tell it you himself by this same post—You know the aversion I bear to large professions but believe me when I say no man esteems you— well well—loves you better than
H HANDFORD
MY sister will thank you for herself —She adores you for the part you took in the cause of her hero her young Romeo her dear Harry
LETTER XLIV Mr STAMFORD Sen to Mr MAITLAND Senior
My dear Friend
MarkLane
WE arrived here safe and hope for the pleasure of your company as soon as your son is in a condition to bear the journey Our mutual friend Seldon desires his respects and expresses a great inclination to serve you but I told him I had a prior claim Tis the highest satisfaction to me that I have it in my power not for the selfish view of counterbalancing the obligation I owe you but sincerely out of regard for those virtues that first attached me to you I assure you my dear Maitland I shall think it pride and not philosophy if you continue to refuse my offers
Tis true a philosopher can subsist on a little Exclude artificial wants and a small income will be sufficient But there are two prerogatives the rich enjoy which I am confident you would miss exceedingly The power of doing good and the company of people of enlarged understandings The first you will readily allow to be concomitant with riches and though genius and intelligence are not confined to station it is no wonder that we find they flourish most in the soil best adapted to their improvement Want of leisure and want of instruction prevent many a bright mind from unfolding its powers
BUT arguments apart I beg you will recollect with how little ceremony I requested your assistance on a former occasion when my future welfare entirely depended on it I did your
friendship justice I believed you sincere I even expected you would rejoice in the opportunity of serving me Nor was I deceived I did you a favour in permitting you to exert yourself for my advantage and I intreat nay I insist that you will let me enjoy the same satisfaction in my turn I shall think you doubt my friendship if you refuse me the privilege of rebuilding Maitlandhall and of adding my little estate to your farm in Essex to which it is contiguous I should be ashamed to urge as an argument that I can spare it because that would be the least consideration in the affair but however it is so and if that will be any inducement to your acceptance I beg you will not demur on that account
WHILE I am writing a letter is arrived from a Mr Hilkirk who is the
son of our friend Seldon He has adopted a strange mode of education for him which in my opinion is rather dangerous To enhance the value and enjoyment of prosperity and to give at the same time fortitude of mind and a knowledge of the world he turned him adrift some years ago and the event has answered his expectations thanks to the natural disposition of the youth more than to the prudence of the scheme itself.
BUT more of this when we meet At present I am to acquaint you the purport of his letter is that in consequence of an advertisement inserted in the papers he has apprehended your late servant Stokes at TauntonDean in Somersetshire who offered an inland bill of exchange to discount to a friend of his He has
sent him under a guard and we expect him in on Saturday As for Hilkirk himself he says he has reasons to avoid coming to town which I suppose are the mortifications he has experienced here but his father writes by this post to command his attendance
I AM in hopes that we shall obtain intelligence which will tend to recover your loss in a great measure and shall write again on the subject if your arrival in town should not render it unnecessary I am dear Sir
Your sincere friend and humble servant J STAMFORD
LETTER XLV Mr WESTWOOD to H HANDFORD Esq
Dear SIR
IT is impossible to describe the effect your last letter had in our family I never beheld my mother so affected before You cannot imagine how much Mr Alwyn is beloved by us all For my part I was almost ashamed of my weakness and was obliged to retire to give a decent vent to my passions—
MY father and mother as well as your humble servant have all wrote to congratulate Mr Alwyn—My father is particularly glad to find himself so good
a prophet—When Mr Alwyn left Kendal he gave it as his opinion that my young friend was a gentleman of a most amiable character in disguise and that from the civilities which had passed between our family and him we should hear of him again to which he added that he suspected he was crossed in love —We have done nothing but talk of you We have imagined fifty ways in which the groupe was disposed at the meeting of you and your sister—My mother is certain you both fainted away and wishes she had been present to administer sal volatile My father who has been made acquainted with your character gives it as his opinion that poor Mrs Alwyn most assuredly gave a loud shriek and instantly fell into hysterics while you whistled and capered and that Mr Alwyn assumed exactly the same attitude that he saw Him in at
the appearance of the Ghost when he played Hamlet—In short you hardly felt your own situation more forcibly than we have done after you—But we are all eager to see you and are exceedingly anxious concerning Mr Alwyns loveaffair—We have formed very romantic ideas of the young lady—If she equals her lover they will be the most extraordinary pair in the universe—I am called away—Ill come back and finish my letter before the post goes out
I AM returned in amazement at the villainy of man and the concern Mr Alwyn has in the discovery I have just made A person of the name of Stentor belonging to the players sent for me in a violent hurry The breath has just departed his body It was to do Mr Alwyn justice in his last moments A violent fever dried up the small remainder
of his blood so fast that I did but just arrive in time to receive a paper which he was exceedingly desirous of delivering to me with his own hands before he died—Read the contents and learn how much you are all interested in them
To GEORGE WESTWOOD Esq
SIR
IF you are acquainted with the place of Mr Alwyns retreat I conjure you to inform him or the following particulars
MR Stamford and Mr Alwyn are abused and I am the wicked instrument —I have forged a letter imitating Mr Alwyns writing at the instigation of Mrs Vincent to serve an amorous purpose for her and a mercenary envious one for myself—I pilfered his pocketbook to procure intelligence—God forgive me—I have acted basely vilely towards a good young man and my conscience torments me—Mrs Vincent wrote the anonymous letter to Mr
Stamford—She is a bad woman—But she had more excuse—She was in love —God have mercy upon my poor soul I hope Mr Alwyn will forgive me—I never knew so good a young man— I was privy to a hundred of his generous benevolent actions yet was a rascal to him—I am justly punished in being obliged to own in my dying moments God be merciful to me that I am a rascal— Perhaps I had been a better man if I had had better fortune—God only knows I hope he will have pity on my poor soul—I am terrified—It is a sad thing to be punished everlastingly—Christ forgive me—Jesus have mercy upon me—Oh beg of Mr Alwyn to forgive me—
T STENTOR
I RECEIVED the above from him in his last agonies His countenance was
alternately most pitiably expressive of hope and horror—I have not time to make comments—The everlasting peace of my friends depends perhaps upon a single moment I therefore send it express and with orders to follow you to London if you are set our which is most probable
Heaven prosper you— G WESTWOOD
LETTER XLVI Mr SELDON to Mr HILKIRK
My dear Son
I COULD no longer forbear to acquaint you with the reasons that have made us so long strangers to each other Your own conduct was indeed one but your behaviour in many instances since none of which are unknown to me has been so becoming and manly that I rejoice in the events that gave occasion for the exercising your fortitude and virtue I parted with you with the less regret as I foresaw the consequence yet my care and affection has not ceased to follow your steps Mr Turnbull has at intervals attended your progress and was witness
to the diligence and skill you exerted in apprehending the villain who had robbed Mr Maitland By his intelligence I find it time to place you in a situation that better becomes you than your present one You will have the satisfaction of enjoying as a consequence of your merit that affluence which had you known sooner might have proved the means of rendering you idle debauched and useless to society I mean no reproach when I speak this It has happened to men of less lively passions than yourself But as it is at present you are possessed of my best opinion I long to see you to explain every thing therefore do not fail to come immediately to town I write this post to Mr Turnbull who will call upon you and supply you with money and every thing you may be in need of
YOUR Julia whose coldness to you was the consequence of my positive commands is likewise impatient to see you If she is still dear to you you will hasten hither and I shall be happy to see you united to her by the most sacred ties
DO not suffer this unexpected intelligence to deprive you of that fortitude you have acquired Bear the same firm mind you have hitherto proved yourself master of and believe me to be notwithstanding the necessary severity of my conduct
Your most tender and affectionate father R SELDON
LETTER XLVII H HANDFORD Esq to Mr WESTWOOD
HERE we are George—Here we are—My dear sister and I and my dear Alwyn and—but no matter for that—I hope to be the happiest rascal alive—sometime within this fortnight that is—
WE arrived in London Sir at five in the evening and alighted at—pooh —what the plague signifies where we alighted—Our business was in Harleystreet where Mr Stamford has a house— You cant imagine how I was teized— Sir I could not get that good graceless dog Alwyn along—I was obliged to collar the fellow in the street when he found where I was going and should
not have moved him then had I not called in the assistance of half a dozen chairmen—The villains proud—plaguy proud—and yet I love the dog for it
MR Stamford had accused him of ingratitude and guilt though he was not conscious of the charge yet he was too well acquainted with Mr Stamfords character not to be assured that he proceeded upon conviction
Why then my dear Alwyn says I it is your duty sirrah to go and vindicate your innocence
Innocence replied my delicate gentleman may be too assuming dear uncle—To avoid Mr Stamford while depressed with poverty as well as grief and to run precipitately
into his presence because I have found a protecting uncle—
SIR he was going on with his fine reasons and I was obliged to stop his mouth▪—I found I should be convinced and as I told him I thought it damned illnatured of him to convince a man in spite of his teeth when he would rather remain in ignorance—I had decoyed the dear rogue to that end of the town on pretence of seeing the new buildings — The dog suspected me though and gave me several hints which I could not find in my heart to understand—I should have told you though for I suppose you dont know it that the fellow has saved more lives than mine—He rescued his mistress from the flames—
WELL Sir while we were wrangling who should come by but the footman of young Stamford a servant that is lately come to the family and knew nothing more of Alwyn than that he had seen him on the night of the fire preserve his young lady—This fellow this servant no sooner beheld my boy than after staring for a moment with joy and astonishment he sprang towards him seized his hand and with a convulsive kind of transport pronounced —God bless you—God almighty bless your honour—I am glad I have found you —You are the gentleman that saved my dear lady—I am sure ont—I shall never forget you—Dont go —Pray dont go Sir till I have called my old master and my young master and my my lady—Theyll never forgive me if I let you go—
THE fellow did not wait for an answer but with three strides reached the door gave a thundering clatter upon the knocker bounced into the drawingroom seized young Stamfords hand and pulling him along kept exclaiming Here he is Sir here he is—I have found him I have found him I have found him—
WHO—Whats the matter who have you found
THE stranger—The angel that saved my young lady that carried her through the flaming fire
—
GRACIOUS God exclaimed young Stamford—was it you Mr Alwyn that saved the life of my sister—Is it possible—It is it is—I hope it is—I believe it is I am sure it is—
WE got them into the house and then it was that the pathos of the scene was exhibited—Maria happened to be in her own chamber she heard the voice of Alwyn she flew she found her hope confirmed she sunk into the arms of her lover—
HOW have we been deceived said Mr Stamford senior—
Did you save my child Alwyn—Was it you my boy
continued the old gentleman while the tears trickled down his face
Are you the stranger—It is not possible you could write such letters
WHAT letters said Alwyn—
NAY think no more of them answered he—We will forget them— They were not yours—They could not be yours—
I DONT know what you mean upon my honour replied the youth —I never wrote any letters to you that
—
NO no they were not to me—But let us forget them—If I did not know your hand—And yet—It is impossible —Why should you risque your life for one whom you despised—I have been deceived—They could not be yours—Your are too amiable—It is to you that I am indebted for my life for every comfort But for you Maria had perished
WHILE they were in the midst of this ambiguous discourse which was entirely incomprehensible to Alwyn your letter most fortunately arrived—My sister when she found it came express sent my man with it immediately—I opened
and read aloud the last dying speech and confession of the expert Mr Stentor—Shall I describe the effect or shall I leave you to imagine it—You cant —Nor can I describe it—Language is unequal to the task—I can add nothing but that we are happy and I hope you are so
H HANDFORD
LETTER XLVIII Mr STAMFORD to Mr MAITLAND
My dear Friend
I RECEIVED your favour by which I have the pleasure to observe that your sons health is much improved The natural consequence is that I expect your company in a few days Perhaps this letter may be too late to find you in Warwickshire but the news I have to communicate is too important to suffer any delay in sending it to you In short your strong box is found, and is now in my custody You will receive inclosed an inventory of its contents which I hope on comparison with your accounts will not appear considerably
deficient The manner of its recovery was as follows
I INFORMED you in my last that Mr Hilkirk or more properly Mr Seldon junior had apprehended your late servant Stokes He arrived here yesterday under the conduct of a Mr Turnbull Mr Hilkirk being prevented from coming up on account of his situation as manager of the company of players which he cannot quit on the instant without doing irreparable damage to the concern
BY Stokess direction a party of Sir John Fieldings men were dispatched to a house in DukesPlace where after a strict search your box was found It appears by his confession that he was connected with a gang of those villains who use their utmost endeavours to gain
intelligence by the means of servants of the property in any house they are desirous of pillaging He was but too capable of affording them that information and as the number of your people prevented their attempting to break into Maitlandhall they contrived to set it on fire We all know the success of their attempt and it is to be hoped the reward will follow such methods being now set on foot as promise to bring the offenders within the reach of justice
THE whole story being long I shall defer it till your arrival and in the interim have another piece of business to communicate which gives me some pain though I am assured you know me too well to suppose me actuated by any motives but those of the strictest integrity and regard for you
I DARE say you are surprized at this preamble and I am convinced it is unnecessary therefore without more words you are to know that it is impossible for our children to be united as we once flattered ourselves I have discovered that my Marias affections were fixed before she saw your son and am sincerely concerned that I was not sooner apprized of it There is reason to think your son is not violently bent on the match at least I hope so I make no apologies for my frankness and sincerity Your candour will not require them when you are acquainted with the affair On the contrary I rely on having the pleasure of your company and that of your son at my daughters marriage
IT is now four years since I received into my countinghouse a young gentleman of the name of Alwyn the son of
that Alwyn whom you have so often heard me mention with affection and regret You may perhaps remember seeing him when you were in town about two years ago The trifling property his father left was barely sufficient to maintain his mother in a country retreat so that I had the pleasure of doing him a singular service by introducing him to the world My care was not lost on an ungrateful charge I had the satisfaction to see him daily improve in every accomplishment and to behold the virtues of my friend revive in the person of his son A native sincerity and openness of conduct added to the most mild and obliging disposition commanded the esteem of all who knew him and for my part I regarded him almost as my own child At the beginning of this summer he went into the country for the benefit of his health as he then
informed me but as I now find to avoid the presence of my daughter for whom he entertained a passion that did not as he rightly judged suit his circumstances Maria was at the same time equally prejudiced in his favour which makes his retreat more generous and disinterested While he was in the country I received a letter charging him with a degree of perfidy and baseness that I should never have credited had not the proof appeared of the most incontrovertible nature I wrote to him on the subject as I thought the crime deserved and his innocence would probably never have been vindicated but for a fortunate concurrence of circumstances that have cleared up the whole mystery
THE relation is too long to be inserted in this letter and must be deferred
till your arrival He has been vilely traduced He is incapable of the least meaness Come to us my dear Maitland I know you will love him Twas he that saved my daughter from the flames and delivered me from a life of sorrow She is due to his care He has merited her I know my dear friend will think so and rejoice with us I am quite elated We are all happy My Maria is hardly recovered from the surprize and joy this event has occasioned Charles is in raptures to find his Alwyn the amiable character he once thought him and Alwyn is in a state that can better be imagined than expressed
THE company of yourself and son will be an addition to our happiness with which we hope you will soon
favour us For that reason I conclude without ceremony by assuring you that I am
Your most affectionate friend STAMFORD
LETTER XLIX Mr ALWYN to Mr WESTWOOD
FORGIVE dear Sir my having till now delayed to write you an account of the completion of my felicity I have been so long accustomed to consider the present happy turn of my fate as a thing utterly impossible that I scarce can yet believe it real Thanks to my worthy patron my kind father thanks to my honoured uncle and my dear dear Maria I am at length convinced Last Friday was the distinguished day that gave the most amiable the loveliest of her sex to my arms I cannot describe the joy which reigns universally among us I am encircled by friends by relations I had almost said by angels
FORTUNE seems resolved no longer to let virtue and genius languish in obscurity This appears by an event which has increased our happiness My friend and former companion Mr Hilkirk came to town on Thursday You may remember when I was at Kendal I gave you the history of his adventures and how much you found yourself interested You thought the conduct of Mr Seldon quite aenigmatical but what will you say when you are informed that he is the only son of that gentleman that he is beloved with a most parental tenderness and that his father has contrived not only to give him a very peculiar kind of education but that he has also brought up Julia with an express intention of her becoming his wife that their love for each other was in some degree the effect of stratagem on the part of Mr Seldon
who had nothing so much at heart as the making them both happy and that he has assisted misfortune as it were in the persecution of his son still taking care to keep by various contrivances an eye over his actions and not permitting him to be entirely depressed Mr Seldon had suffered almost every kind of hardship in his youth but by the force of good sense and industry had with amazing fortitude surmounted every difficulty and is at present not only a very worthy but a very consequential member of society His son whose name is William Hilkirk Seldon was born before the old gentleman had emerged from obscurity and his mother dying was placed at a peasants in the country and afterwards sent to a grammarschool But as the father had already resolved upon a plan of education he did not let even the people
with whom his son was know to whom he belonged
YOU have heard the residue of the story except that Mr Hilkirk has been the principal agent in discovering the villain who fired Maitlandhall and purloined the strong box Mr Seldon applauds himself exceedingly upon the success of his plan He beholds him with the combined advantages that education and an active life bestow He affirms that if by any mischance his son should become poor he will support the change with fortitude that the common accidents of life will not have power to deprive him of temper that his knowledge of mankind will not only make him discern the motives of their actions but likewise give him an ascendancy over them—Indeed he adduces a thousand reasons which at least are exceedingly
specious and in some instances true but I dare say you think with me that had the experiment been made upon a weaker mind it would scarcely have succeeded so well
WHEN my friend Hilkirk for so I must still call him arrived in town his beloved Julia was with us at Mr Stamfords whither he immediately flew The interview was tender and affecting The young lady who had put the utmost restraint upon her inclinations in obedience to Mr Seldon who is her uncle was incapable of suppressing her emotions She was fearful lest her former treatment of Hilkirk whom she tenderly loved and which was the effect of her uncles commands should be remembered by him and could not conceal her anxiety Hilkirk felt the delicacy of her passion without the
power of alleviating her fears except by repeated declarations of his love
THE same day that Mr Hilkirk arrived Mr Maitland the young gentleman who was designed for Maria and his father came to town Mr Maitland senior who is a most amiable man instead of being chagrined at his sons disappointment expressed the warmest sense of our felicity and I assure you was remarkably liberal of goodnatured reflections in favour of your humble servant The vivacity of the young gentleman too has been of singular service in giving the conversation which has been apt to take too sentimental a turn a degree of ease and brilliancy that have had a very pleasing effect and which has been much heightened by the benevolent disposition of the father as well as the friendship and
attachment he discovers for the Stamford family of which I am now become a part He assisted at the marriage ceremony with a degree of chearfulness and pleasure that proved the satisfaction he received Never before did I behold so happy a day My dear Maria with a profusion of charms a multitude of virtues made inevitably mine my friend receiving the reward of his constancy the hand of his Julia at the same time surrounded by my mother whose heart was replete with tenderness and joy by my uncle whose eyes and actions proved how much he was interested caressed by my dear friend the brother of my Maria and rewarded by her father it was an excess of transport that can only be imagined
I MUST forbear The ideas are too luxuriant too inexpressible Pray give
my most sincere respects to your worthy parents and tell them when they come to town during the approaching winter they will find a small society who hope frequently to enjoy the pleasure of their company of which honour no one is more desirous than
SIR
Your happy friend and humble servant HENRY HANDFORD ALWYN